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Dane flinched. “Ouch. You’re certainly blunt.”
“Something I’ve learned to be over the last few years. A lot about me has changed.”
“And a lot about me has changed.”
“Then we aren’t the same two people who married fourteen years ago?”
“No, and being strangers isn’t a good foundation for a marriage.”
“I agree. We have three children and we made a vow before God fourteen years ago that I intend to keep.” Her emotions had gone through a roller-coaster ride tonight, as she was sure Dane’s had as well, and she was too tired to get into a discussion about their future at this moment. She was glad when she heard Mandy pounding down the stairs.
Zoey’s mother followed Mandy into the living room and took Tara from Dane. “Dane, I’m glad you’re home safe. I’ll get her ready for bed while you spend some time with Mandy.”
“Thanks, Mom. She’s starting to rub her eyes. Never a good sign.” At Dane’s questioning look, Zoey added, “When that happens, we have about half an hour to get Tara to bed before she falls apart. You don’t want that. She can scream the roof off when she’s tired enough.”
With her treasure box clasped in her hands and a wide smile on her face, Mandy plopped down on the couch next to Dane and carefully opened the old pink-and-white gift box she’d received her last birthday. “See the rock I got when we went hikin’. And look at this coin Jesse and Nick gave me. That’s when they went to—” Mandy peered at Zoey, her brow furrowed.
“To England.”
“Yeah. Isn’t it neat?” Mandy held the coin out in the palm of her hand for Dane to inspect.
“I loved different coins when I was a little boy. I had a collection.”
Zoey blinked, surprised at what Dane had said. She hadn’t known that. When she thought about it, Zoey realized she really didn’t know a lot about Dane’s childhood. Both his parents were dead, his mother from an illness. He had cared for his younger brother for a while, but he’d died when Dane was twenty-one. He’d refused to discuss his past, just as he’d refused to discuss his job. After years of asking, wanting to share his pain and help him, she had given up.
“Where’s the coins?”
Dane cocked his head to the side and thought for a moment. “You know, Mandy, I’m not sure. I guess I lost them.”
Mandy hugged the English coin. “I’ll never lose my treasures.”
Zoey listened to her daughter as she went through all her other prize possessions, cupping them in her small palm to show Dane, then letting him pick them up and examine them. Zoey knew in that moment it wouldn’t take long for Dane to win Mandy over.
Ten minutes later Mandy finished her presentation with a big yawn. “What’cha think of my treasures?”
“I can see why you take such good care of them.”
“And it’s time for bed, young lady. In fact, it’s past your bedtime,” Zoey said, a tightness in her throat from watching the exchange between Dane and Mandy.
“But, Mommy, I want to stay up and talk to Daddy.”
“If you hurry, I’ll tuck you in and read you your favorite story,” Dane said, his words sounding thick, forced. He put the last treasure back in the box and closed its lid, his face averted.
Mandy leaped to her feet and without a backward glance rushed from the room. Dane still didn’t look up.
Zoey chuckled, needing to ease the tension in the room. “Home less than an hour and she’ll do anything you say. Of course, she loves for someone to read her favorite book to her. That’s the only way I can get her into bed without an argument.”
Finally Dane’s shuttered gaze met hers. “What’s her favorite book?”
“This month it’s Henrietta’s Cat. After she can recite it to you, her favorite book changes.”
“I remember how Blake loved to be read to when he was her age.”
The wistful tone in Dane’s voice tugged at Zoey’s heart. She wanted to comfort him, and yet a barrier stood between them that had slowly grown since he’d first arrived, a barrier that had been firmly in place the day he had left on his last assignment. It was as if they both began to remember the past and the problems still unsolved. An awkward silence fell between them. All Zoey heard was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner.
Dane cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair several times. “Well, I guess—” He rose, uncertainty in his expression.
“It’ll take Mandy a few minutes to get ready. In the meantime, let me get some bedding for you.” She started for the stairs. “I’m sure you’re tired.”
“Zoey, Carl said something about you being a counselor at Sweetwater High School.”
“Yes, I had to do something to support the children. Our savings wasn’t much, and you weren’t legally declared dead yet, so I couldn’t get the insurance. I love counseling the students and using my education. Now, I’d better get that bedding.”
Zoey hurried up the stairs, leaving Dane alone with his turbulent thoughts. Zoey was a high school counselor. She had a whole other life without him. Her life had moved on while his had come to a screeching halt over two years ago. Memories bombarded him. He felt the heat of the fire. He heard the sounds of crunching metal. He squeezed his eyes closed and massaged his temples, trying to erase those aching memories, always just out of reach, never quite clear enough for him to piece the whole picture together.
A sound from the hallway drew his attention away from the past. He glimpsed Blake peering around the corner. He stepped toward his son. Blake darted past him and flew up the stairs. Dane wanted to go after him and pull him into his embrace, but the look on his son’s face kept Dane rooted to the floor. The anger in Blake’s expression made him realize Zoey was right. His son wasn’t ready to accept him back into his life. Pain clawed at Dane’s chest, constricting each breath as he inhaled deeply. Why had he thought it would be simple? That he would waltz right back into his old life and pick up where he’d left off? Did he even want that old life back? What did he want?
Dane scanned the living room and remembered a few pieces of furniture from when they’d lived in Dallas. But so much was different—the house, the town, his wife, his family. He’d desperately needed it to be the same, so he could completely reconstruct his life, fill in the few remaining holes in his memory. He felt the walls closing in on him.
He strode from the living room, fleeing out onto the porch as quickly as Blake had gone upstairs. Taking deep breaths of the crisp, spring air, Dane listened to the night silence around him. Somewhere in the distance a car started. A dog barked. The constriction in his chest eased.
He was in the United States, in Kentucky, Zoey’s hometown. He wasn’t in the rain forest any longer, trying to survive in an alien environment while trying to recover his health and remember. He was getting stronger each day. He had his memory back—mostly.
“Dane, are you all right?”
Zoey’s worried voice penetrated his thoughts. He needed to answer her, but his throat was tight with emotions he refused to acknowledge—was afraid to acknowledge.
“Dane? I saw Blake run to his room. Did you two talk?”
Frustrated, he pivoted, his arms stiff at his sides. “No, I didn’t go against your wishes, if that’s what you want to know. He ran past the living room and up the stairs before I could say a word to him.”
“Give him some time. He’ll come around.” She hugged the bedding to her.
“And what about you and me?”
“I suspect we all need time to adjust to the changes.”
“Because we aren’t the same two people?”
“That and because we both remember what our marriage was like right before you left. A lot has happened to us in the past few years.”
Weariness settled on his shoulders and laid heavily about him like the humidity in the jungle. He retrieved his duffel bag he’d put down before knocking on the screen door. “Here. Let me take those sheets and pillow. I can make up the bed. Just point me in the right direction.”
Zoey moved to the side and gestured down the hall. “The den is at the back of the house. When you’re through, Mandy should be ready for a story.”
He started past the entrance into the living room and paused. “Do you need any help?”
Zoey’s brow creased. “Help?”
“Yes.” He indicated the dishes still stacked on the dining room table from the family meal earlier. “I interrupted you cleaning up after dinner.”
Zoey shook her head. “That’s okay. It won’t take me long. We ate late tonight because we’d been at my friend Darcy’s farm. Mandy’s taking riding lessons on Friday evenings and Blake had an extra soccer practice.” She remembered the times they would clean up together, especially when they were first married, and how often they would end up in some kind of playful fight, sharing laughter, sharing a kiss. Those memories were too much for her at the moment because that had been a long time ago and a lot had happened since then.
“I’ll read Mandy her story, then I’ll look in on Tara. I’ll wait on Blake. Which bedroom is his? I don’t want to bother him and cause anymore trouble.” Dane’s voice was stiff and formal as though it was necessary to put a distance between them.
“The one with the closed door.”
There was no expression on Dane’s face as he headed toward the den to put up his duffel bag and bedding. The silence of the house, usually a balm, eroded what composure she had left. Moving into the living room, she sank onto a chair, hugging her arms to still the trembling that quickly spread throughout her body. Shudder after shudder left her vulnerable and uncertain what to do next. She buried her face in her hands and massaged her fingers into her temple. How was she going to keep her family together?
“Zoey?”
Her head snapped up, and she stared at her mother hovering over her. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Is Tara in bed?”
“Yes, it took a while to get her to go down. Dane’s saying good-night to her right now.”
“He is? I didn’t even see him go by.”
“Maybe because you were deep in thought. Want to talk?”
Zoey rose slowly, weariness in every movement. “I’m all talked out, Mom.”
“Are you sure? You look mighty lost.”
“Oh, is it that obvious?”
“Yes, hon.” Emma brushed Zoey’s hair behind her ear. “Remember, I’m the one who you came to after Dane died—I mean, disappeared. Boy, this is hard. I’ve thought of him as being dead for so long. If I’m having a hard time, I know you are. What can I do to help?”
Tears misted Zoey’s eyes. “You’re doing it right now.” She went into her mother’s embrace, glad she’d come home when her life had been falling apart. Family and God were what was important. With them as her support she would be there for her children when they needed her.
“I tried to say good-night to Blake, but he was already asleep. That’s the first time he’s gone to bed before Mandy that I can remember. What happened in the den? Did he talk to Dane?”
Zoey pulled back, one tear rolling down her cheek, then another. “No. He was so upset that Dane was here that he wouldn’t talk to his father. What should I do?”
“Pray. Have faith that God will help you through this. He was there for you in the past. He is here for you now, and He will be there for you in the future.”
Zoey swiped her hand across her cheeks. “I’m happy that Dane is alive, Mom, but my world is suddenly no longer the safe haven I’ve worked so hard to make it. Everything’s changed tonight.”
Emma gripped Zoey’s hands. “No, it hasn’t. Your faith is the same. Your love for your children and family is the same. Keep that in mind.” She scanned the mess in the dining room. “Now, let me give you a hand cleaning this up.”
“No, you’ve done enough. I won’t be able to sleep for a while. You go home and get some rest. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“You always did like to be alone to wrestle with your problems. That hasn’t changed, I see.” Her mother squeezed Zoey’s hands before releasing them and making her way toward the front door. “I expect to hear from you before the sun sets tomorrow.”
“I’m surprised you don’t want me to call you before the sun rises.”
“Hon, for once I think I’ll be sleeping late. Good night.”
The sound of the front door closing echoed through the house. Zoey stared at it for a moment, feeling all her uncertainty crashing down on her. Dane was finally home and a few feet away in the same house. Her children were upstairs, safe. All should be well with the world, and yet she felt the fabric of her life unraveling.
She headed up the stairs, needing to check on her children before cleaning up. She stood at Mandy’s door and listened to Dane read to her. Her daughter was curled up next to him, her eyes drooping closed. Next, Zoey went to Tara’s room and kissed her sleeping toddler’s forehead. Then she opened Blake’s door and peeked into his room. The light from the hallway shone across his bed. Her son lay buried under mounds of blankets as though he were trying to shut the world out. In that moment she had the same urge.
She walked to her bedroom and retrieved her Bible by her bed. Sitting in a chair by the window, she opened the book and sought comfort in its pages.
Dear Heavenly Father, I don’t know if I can do what I need to do. Help me to make this marriage work, to find the strength to make us a whole family again. I am lost and afraid of what the future holds. Please show me the way.
The dank darkness surrounded him as though he were wearing a straightjacket. The pain gnawed at his insides, consuming his whole body. The heat pressed down on him, making it difficult to breathe. Tight. Suffocating— He reached out. Fire licked at his fingers, searing his flesh.
With a gasp Dane opened his eyes and found a gray-and-black cat balanced on his chest, two blue eyes staring at him. A cat? Where was he? Confusion clouded his mind, the fragments of his reoccurring nightmare lingering in his thoughts.
The animal lifted his paw and batted at Dane’s face. He scrambled to sit up.
“What in the world—”
“That’s Pepper, our cat.”
Dane snapped his head around to find Mandy sitting by the couch staring at him. He was in Sweetwater, Kentucky. Zoey’s house. I’m okay. He shoved the nightmare to the back recesses of his mind.
“He’s my pet. Blake doesn’t like him.”
“He doesn’t?”
“He wanted a dog, but I found Pepper, cryin’ outside in the front yard. He was wet and hungry. No one claimed him so we kept him.” Mandy perched on the side of the bed and bounced a few times. “Do ya want to play a game?”
Pepper rubbed his body against Dane’s chest, then nudged his hand. “How about after breakfast?” Dane glanced at his watch and saw that it was early. “Is anyone else up?”
“Oh, yes. Mommy’s takin’ a bath. She likes to do that sometimes instead of a shower. She’s been in the bathroom a loo-oong time.”
Dane decided if he ever wanted to know what was going on in the family all he had to do was ask Mandy. “Let me get dressed and see if I can get some coffee started. Maybe you can help me.”
“Sure.” She jumped to her feet and scooped Pepper up into her arms. “I’ll be in the kitchen. I don’t know if we have any coffee. Mommy doesn’t drink it.”
“She still drinks tea?”
“Yep.” Mandy said, walking slowly from the den.
That was one of the many differences Zoey and he’d had. One of the first things he’d requested when he’d returned to civilization was a large mug of brewed coffee. Before the plane crash, he’d drunk at least five cups a day. After the crash, he hadn’t been able to remember what he liked for a long time. Even if he had, coffee hadn’t been on the menu in the Indian village where he’d stayed.
Dane used the bathroom off the den, quickly shaving and showering. When he entered the kitchen, he found Zoey putting a kettle of water on the stove. Mandy sat at the table, eating a bowl of cereal with bananas. When she saw him, she beamed at him, revealing her missing front tooth.
“We have to put Pepper out in the backyard when we eat. He likes to get up on the table and stick his nose into my food. No matter how many times we put him on the floor, he gets back up. Mommy finally gave up tryin’ to teach him not to get up on the table.”
Zoey turned from the stove, a flushed cast to her cheeks. Her long blond hair was tied back in a ponytail while her brown eyes stared at him with a wariness that he’d seen a lot in the last months before his disappearance.
“I have some instant coffee somewhere in here.” She opened several cabinet doors and found the jar.
He winced.
“Instant is all I can offer you.”
“Maybe I can go to the Quick Mart on the corner and get some real coffee.”
“Sorry. I don’t have a coffeepot anymore.”
“What happened to it?”
“I gave it away after—” A frown flitted across her features.
“Never mind. Instant will be fine.”
“I’ll get a pot today at the super center.”
“That’s okay. I can take care of it. I don’t want to put you out.”
“Nonsense. You’re our guest—” She swallowed her next words. “I mean—”
Dane held up his hand. “I understand, Zoey. Really. This isn’t a normal situation. I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble. I’m going to the store anyway.” She snatched up the kettle as it began to whistle and poured hot water into two mugs.
Her hand shook. They sounded like polite strangers instead of husband and wife, she thought, and stirred the coffee granules into his mug, then gave it to him.
“I’ll go with you to the store. There are some things I want to pick up.” Dane took a sip of his coffee and kept his expression neutral.
Zoey dunked her tea bag into her hot water, then spooned in some honey. “We’ll go after breakfast.”
“Mommy, Daddy was gonna play a game with me.”
“He can later. Blake has a soccer game this morning and I want to get the shopping done before the game.”
Mandy drew her brows together and formed a pout. “We always have to go to his games. Can I stay at Nana’s with Tara?”
“I guess so if it’s okay with her,” Zoey said, bringing her mug to the table and placing it on the mat across from Dane’s.
“Call her. Call her!”
“Not until you’ve cleaned your room and made your bed, young lady.”
Mandy hurriedly finished her cereal in two bites and raced from the room before Zoey could say anything.
Dane chuckled. “I didn’t know it was possible to eat so fast.”
“Mandy does everything on fast mode. She’ll be back down here in a few minutes, declaring her room is clean. Of course, when I go up to inspect it, most of the items on the floor will be shoved under her bed. She’ll moan and groan, but finally pull them all out and put them where they belong.”
“If she knows you’re gonna check, why doesn’t she put them away the first time?”
Zoey shrugged. “I think she’s an eternal optimist. She’s just sure one day I won’t check.”
“She sounds like she’s gotten more than her looks from you.”
“I’ve tempered my optimism with realism. When life slaps you in the face, it’s hard not to.” Zoey sipped at her tea, glad to have something to do with her hands. “Would you like some cereal? I know you like a big breakfast, but the only morning I have time to fix one is Sunday before we go to church.”
“I’m not used to having a big breakfast anymore. Where’s the cereal?”
“You mean cereals.” She pointed to the cabinet next to the refrigerator. “When you have three hungry children, we go through several boxes in a week. I do have some that aren’t laced with tons of sugar.”
“Actually sugar sounds good. I’ve missed it.”
An uncomfortable silence fell between them as Dane prepared his bowl of cereal topped with a banana. Zoey wanted to ask him about his years in the jungle, about his lost memory, but after the night before, she knew he wouldn’t say anything to her until he was ready, if ever. She didn’t want him to reject confiding in her a second time. Her battered emotions could only take so much.
Dane settled again in the chair across from her and dug into his cereal. When he was halfway finished, he looked up and speared her with his intense gaze. “Where’s Blake? I’d hoped to see him this morning.”
Zoey glanced at the clock over the desk. “He should have been down by now. I’d better go see what’s keeping him. He’s supposed to go over to Nate’s this morning before the game. I need to check on Tara, too. She should be up. I usually hear her by now.”
Zoey hurried up the stairs, stopping by Mandy’s room to see how she was progressing with her cleanup. With a quick look under her daughter’s bed, then the closet, Zoey shook her head and said, “You’re gonna have to try harder if you want to go to Nana’s this morning.” There was a part of her that hoped Mandy didn’t accomplish her task, the part that didn’t want to be alone with Dane, the part that was confused and not sure what to do.
“Oh, Mommy. Everything’s off the floor.”
“Yeah, and this time stuffed in your closet.”
“But it’s not under the bed.”
Zoey put her hands on her hips and fixed a stern expression on her face. “Young lady, you know what a clean room is supposed to be like.”
Next Zoey went to Blake’s room and knocked on the closed door. When she didn’t hear anything, she knocked again, louder. Suddenly the door swung open. He was still dressed in his pajamas with his hair sticking up at odd angles as though he had just rolled out of bed. He knuckled sleep from his eyes.
“You need to hurry and come down to breakfast before you go to Nate’s.”
“I’m not hungry,” he mumbled, his gaze dropping away from hers.
“You need to eat something. You’ve got a soccer game later this morning.”
“I’ll get dressed and walk over to Nate’s. It’s only five blocks.”
“You can’t avoid your dad, Blake.”
He scowled. “Yes, I can.”
Her son started to close his door, but Zoey stuck her foot in the doorway to stop him. “Your father is here to stay.”
“How do you know?”
His question caught her off guard. She didn’t know for sure. Dane’s job with the DEA had always been so important to him, to the point that she’d felt her and their family had often come in second. He’d told her the evening before he didn’t have plans yet, but if past patterns were any indication, Dane would be gone on some DEA assignment as soon as he felt he had recovered, and Blake needed a full-time father, especially right now. “I want you downstairs for breakfast in ten minutes.”
She didn’t wait for her son to protest her command. She hurried to Tara’s room and found her youngest playing in her crib as though she had been patiently waiting for someone to come get her. It wouldn’t be long before she needed to put the crib away and get a big girl bed for Tara. Her youngest was growing up too fast.
“Sweet pea, time to get up.”
With a big smile, Tara stood in the crib and lifted her arms for Zoey to take. “Mama, up now.”
After quickly changing Tara’s diaper and dressing her, Zoey carried her downstairs, noticing her son’s bedroom door was still closed. Blake was a good kid. He’d do what he needed to do.
As she entered the room, Dane placed his bowl in the dishwasher, then poured himself another cup of coffee. She drew in a deep breath at the sight of him in her kitchen. She’d never thought she would see that again. Then she remembered Blake’s question about Dane staying and needed a more definite answer than the one Dane had given her the night before.
“What are your plans, Dane?” Zoey put Tara into her high chair, then tied a bib around her neck. She gave her daughter some apple juice to drink in a sippy cup.
He glanced up, his eyebrows rising. “To go with you to the store.”
“No, I mean for your future.” She heard the exasperation in her voice and didn’t care. She was frustrated, confused and afraid for her children, for herself.
A shadow dimmed his eyes before he veiled his expression and focused his attention on his mug of coffee. “I told you last night, I haven’t made any plans yet. That hasn’t changed in the past ten hours. I just got back to the States not long ago.”