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Was it wrong of her to get a sick thrill at the look of horror on his face?
As his brow furrowed, she couldn’t help smiling. Lance was as good as gone.
Not that she necessarily had anything against him. But what did they have to say to one another anymore? He’d made it clear he didn’t want to sell the house.
“I guess I could lend a hand,” Lance finally said, sounding like he’d rather have all his toenails pulled out one by one.
Whatever this making peace business was about, it had to be big.
“Great,” Erin said, gesturing to a large box in the hall. “If you don’t mind carrying that outside, I’ll grab a ladder.”
When she returned to the front porch, carrying the ladder, Lance had already opened the box of lights and was looking through them.
“You’re going to need to test them,” he said.
“Already did that during our Christmas movie marathon over Thanksgiving.”
Lance groaned and Erin grinned. Most families were into football games and parades, but Erin and her sisters hated sports, so they’d created their own tradition by watching their favorite Christmas movies. This year their tradition had been slightly abbreviated since they’d been busy with wedding preparations for her sisters’ early December wedding.
All their decorating energy had been poured into the wedding and they hadn’t had time to get to the house.
That left the job to Erin. She was hoping that by the time her sisters got back from their respective honeymoons in two weeks, the entire place would be transformed into a Christmas wonderland.
As Erin got the ladder situated on the corner of the porch, she couldn’t help smiling as she pictured their faces at seeing how Erin had made it their best yet. They’d had so many terrible Christmases over the past few years, with Erin’s tragedy and the troubles of Leah’s previous marriage. Prior to that, growing up under the iron fist of their father, the Colonel—a man who made Scrooge look like a humanitarian—Christmas hadn’t been a joyous occasion in their home. She and her sisters had always promised each other that when they were finally on their own, and had the means to do so, they were going to have the most amazing Christmases ever.
Last year, things had looked like they were going to finally work out for them after all their tragedies. But Erin had gotten sick, and many of their plans had fallen through. This year Erin was determined. After all these years of waiting, her family would finally have the perfect Christmas they’d always dreamed of. She’d put together a whole binder for the family’s perfect Christmas, listing everything they were going to do to celebrate the holiday. She and the boys had spent all afternoon making more decorations, and while they may not be like the ones people bought in stores, her sisters would love knowing how the boys had helped.
She gestured to the string of lights Lance had started unwinding. “Can you hand me that one? And the stapler that’s in the box?”
As he handed them to her, he said, “You want me to do that? I used to always...”
He used to always be the one to hang the lights. And at some point during the process, he’d grumpily tell her that she was using more than she had the previous year and that it was a good thing he loved her. They’d end up laughing and kissing, and even though he hated her decorations, it had made her feel so loved that he’d indulged her anyway.
“I learned how to do it myself,” she said, taking the stapler in one hand and the lights in the other.
The pain in his eyes told her that he remembered their past, too.
Maybe whatever peace he had to make with her would be good for them both. She’d thought she was over him. After all their conversations once they decided to divorce, she’d thought about how good it was that they were divorced because they could never agree on anything.
But the thing was, even when they’d disagreed during their marriage, they’d often found ways to compromise, making sure the other person had what they needed. Somehow they’d lost that.
As Erin attached the lights to the edge of the roof, she wondered how she could convince Lance to understand that selling the house wasn’t about forgetting their daughter. It hadn’t meant anything to him while she was alive, so why did he have to put so much importance on it now?
Sometimes she thought it was his way of punishing her for Lily’s death. He blamed Erin and, based on their conversations since, he still did. Erin had fallen asleep while Lily napped and hadn’t heard Lily wake up. Nor had she heard Lily open the door and go outside. Erin had been so deeply asleep that she hadn’t realized her daughter had drowned in the creek until hours later, after discovering Lily missing. A search party had found the body.
She should have done a better job getting Lily to understand the dangers of playing by the creek. The little girl had been fascinated by the rushing water and went there every chance she got. Erin should have double-checked the lock on the door to make sure it was locked. She should have told Lance she wasn’t feeling well and that was why she hadn’t wanted him going back to work that day, instead of picking a fight with him and complaining that he spent more time at work than with his family. She should have...
Erin wiped a tear from her face. So many should haves, and not one would bring their daughter back. Nor would it bring back the baby she’d been carrying at the time. She hadn’t even had the chance to tell Lance, which was probably a good thing since he’d likely blame her for that loss, as well. More moisture hit her face and she realized it wasn’t tears. The storm forecast to hit tonight was blowing in earlier than expected. Just a few more feet and she’d have this part done.
“Hey,” Lance called up. “It’s starting to snow. Maybe you should save this for another day.”
“I know,” she said. “I just need to finish this section.”
He made a noise like he always did when he was going to argue, but he didn’t say anything.
A few more snowflakes hit her face and a gust of wind blew the string still hanging. If she didn’t get it secured, the storm would likely rip the whole thing off and not only would she have to redo the lights, she’d probably have to buy new ones. They’d made that mistake last year when they started decorating early in the season.
She put an extra couple of staples in the section then climbed down. “Help me move this so I can get the last part.”
Lance made his annoyed noise again. “Why don’t you let me do it?”
Maybe it was petty, but this was typical Lance, not approving of her actions but then stepping in to do it for her to show how magnanimous he was.
“I’ve got it, thanks,” she said, moving the ladder and returning to her position.
“It’ll take you two trips up and down and moving the ladder again. I’ve got a longer reach.”
Technically true. But she was already up.
The first staple went in strong and satisfying. That was the other reason she wanted to do this. Maybe it would help him make peace with the past to see just how much she no longer needed him. As Erin pulled the next section of lights toward her, reaching to where she wanted to place it, her foot slipped. The metal ladder was getting slippery with the snow coming down. She probably should have let Lance do this one. He’d been right about her reach and she wouldn’t risk another trip up and down again.
Maybe if she secured the end instead of leaving it hanging loose, she could come back another day and re-fasten it. She tugged at the end, which had gotten caught on one of the rungs.
“Be careful,” Lance said.
She pulled on the end again, trying to angle it out of where it was caught. Her trick worked, freeing the strand.
She spied one of the hooks they’d used last year to put wooden cutouts on the roof. The cutouts hadn’t lasted beyond the first storm, but this remaining hook was perfect for looping the last of the string and securing it. However, as she reached for it, her foot slipped again. It wasn’t until she was on her way to the ground that she realized just how seriously she’d misjudged the distance.
Her arm holding the stapler hit the ladder and it seemed weird to notice that she was still holding her stapler. Especially since, when she hit the ground, she was pretty sure there were three Lances staring down at her.
Lance had gotten Erin to the hospital as quickly as he could. It was obvious, even without a doctor looking at it, she’d likely broken both her right arm and her left foot. Based on some of the strange things she’d said, he was also pretty sure she had a concussion. As an avid outdoorsman, he was well-versed in first aid.
The boys had brought along some books and games. It was hard watching them interact and wondering if this could have been his life, too. He and Erin had planned on having other children, but they hadn’t been so fortunate, and maybe that was for the best.
Ryan came over and handed him a book. “Will you read to me? I’m bored with coloring.”
The little boy didn’t wait for a response but climbed up into his lap. “You might not be my uncle anymore, but I like you. I hope you do the voices better than Uncle Nando.”
Was it getting warmer in the waiting room? His throat felt like sandpaper as he opened the book and tried to read. How hard was it to say “The Amazing World of Dinosaurs”? But it physically hurt his throat to try.
“You can read, can’t you?” Ryan asked. He pointed to a word. “That one says ‘dinosaur.’ Dylan says I just have it memorized because I read so many dinosaur books. But I actually know how to read. Not all the words, because I haven’t gone to school yet. Just preschool.”
Maybe Lance should have put on one of those masks they offered at the front door to help stop the spread of germs. He was obviously coming down with something.
“I can read. ‘The Amazing World of Dinosaurs,’” Lance said. “But you already know that.”
Ryan rewarded him with a wide grin and snuggled closer. It had been more than two years since Lance had held a child in his arms. He took a deep breath, inhaling the warm little-boy scent that hadn’t changed all that much. Leah still obviously used the same children’s shampoo.
As he started to read, the tightness in Lance’s chest relaxed. He glanced at Dylan, who looked up from his book and smiled.
They hadn’t gotten very far into their book when the nurse came out.
Lance stood. “Is Erin okay? Can we see her?”
The nurse smiled. “I’m going to bring you back. The doctor would like to keep her overnight for observation. With her injuries, it will be better for her to be where we can watch over her and help her for these first few hours.”
The nurse hesitated then continued. “I’ll be honest. She’s been arguing with us about going home tonight. She is worried about the boys. I asked her if you were a danger to them and she said no. But she’s worried about being an imposition. Is that how you feel about her?”
Erin had said the same thing when she’d first asked him to take her to the hospital. What was he supposed to do, leave an injured woman to figure it out herself? Granted they were no longer married, so he didn’t owe her anything. But he’d like to think he was still a decent human being who would step in to help whenever someone needed it. He let out a long sigh.
“She’s not an imposition. I know she worries about it, but she worries too much. The boys and I will be fine.”
The nurse gave him a relieved smile. “That’s what I thought would be the response because I passed by here a couple of times and watched you with the boys. If you’d like a few minutes alone with her to discuss arrangements, I’d be happy to keep them occupied.”
He helped the boys gather their things and then the nurse led them into the exam room, where Erin was dressed in a hospital gown, her arm in a cast, her leg in a boot and a sour look on her face. “I think they’re overreacting,” she said before he even entered. “I’m fine. I just need to be in my own bed.”
He studied her face. The strained expression of pain was gone, but when he glanced at the IV they’d put in her, he wondered if they’d given her something for it. She’d probably argued about that, as well, but hopefully it would take the edge off so she could feel better.
“Do you remember hitting your head when you fell?” he asked.
She let out a long sigh. “It all happened so fast. There are pieces of my fall I don’t remember.”
“That’s because you have a concussion,” the nurse said, entering the room. She turned to Ryan and Dylan. “I have to go check on the room where your aunt is going to spend the night. Do you boys want to come and give me a hand?”
The boys gave an enthusiastic yes but Lance waited until the door closed behind them before he turned to Erin. “I agree with the nurse that you should spend the night. It’s a lot safer for you if you’re here, especially given that it’s going to be hard getting used to going around in a walking boot, with a cast on your opposite arm, and maintaining your balance.”
Erin let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to be a bother. I’m not your responsibility anymore.”
“Maybe not as my wife, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to help someone in need. The snow hasn’t let up. We’re all better off staying put for the night, rather than trying to make it over the pass. I saw a sign for a hotel just a block or so away. The boys and I can hunker down, and you can get some rest. Driving home tomorrow will be much safer for us all.”
She hated driving in the snow and she hated driving with him in the snow. She thought he drove too fast and took too many risks. He thought she worried too much. He’d never had an accident, but he could use her fear of one to convince her to stay tonight.
“I was worried about that. The roads getting bad, that is.” A weary look crossed her face. “You’re sure you won’t mind taking the boys overnight?”
“I’m not a monster,” he said.
He couldn’t read the expression on her face as she held her free hand out to him. “Come here.”
When he reached her side, she took his hand in hers. “I never thought you were,” she said. “We just...” Erin closed her eyes for a moment. “I needed a different level of connection than you could give me. It doesn’t make either one of us monsters. We’re just not compatible.”
A tear ran down her cheek and, for the first time, he wondered if maybe their divorce had been just as hard on her as it had been on him.
But she’d left him. Any regret she might feel at that action was her fault.
She pulled her hand out of his and wiped at her cheek. “Sorry. The medications they gave me are making me emotional. I know how you hate that. Anyway, my concern over being an imposition is that I don’t want to make you ruin your plans just because of my clumsiness.”
“I don’t have any plans,” he said.
Now would be the perfect time to explain that Chad had essentially relieved him of his duties at work until he could deal with his grief. But Erin yawned as she nodded slowly. Maybe not. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind to discuss anything important.
The door opened and the nurse reentered with the boys. “I know you just got to see her, but she does need her rest and visiting hours are almost over. So say your goodbyes and you can see her in the morning.”
Before they could leave, a doctor entered the room. “Good. Your family hasn’t left. I was hoping to catch them.”
He turned to Lance and held out his hand. “Steve Purcell,” he said. “I just want to be sure that when Erin goes home tomorrow, she won’t be going home alone.”
The doctor explained Erin’s injuries to Lance and none of it surprised him. Nor did it come as a shock when the doctor said, “She’s not capable of being on her own right now. I can’t release her unless I know there’s going to be a responsible adult with her in the house to look after the boys. Their mother, perhaps?”
Lance glanced over at Erin, who wore a panicked expression on her face, like she was afraid of what answer he would give.
“The boys’ mother is on her honeymoon,” Lance said, turning his attention back to the doctor.
“Don’t you dare call her.” Erin sat straighter in her bed, whatever grogginess she’d been feeling during their conversation seemingly gone. “Leah has been working really hard to save up for this trip. You can’t ruin it and make her come home early. I’ll be fine. Please.”
It was just like Erin to be worried about ruining Leah’s honeymoon. Were it anyone else, he would insist on calling. But she was right. If Leah knew that Erin had been injured, she would change her plans and come straight home. He didn’t want that for her. Even Lance could admit that his ex-sister-in-law deserved to enjoy her honeymoon.
“Please,” Erin said more gently. “I can do this. I’m far more capable than anyone gives me credit for.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” Lance said slowly. “I wouldn’t want to ruin Leah’s honeymoon, either. I’ll stay with you. I’ll help with the boys.”
She gave him a hopeful look. “You would do that? What about your job?”
He nodded. “I’m on a bit of an extended vacation.”
It was the closest to the truth he could give right now, especially in front of all these people.
This time when Erin slumped back against her pillows, all the fight had left her. It had clearly taken all of her energy to protect her sister and now the medication had won.
“All right.” She turned to look at the doctor. “You heard him. Lance is going to stay with us. And even though he doesn’t have to, I appreciate it. You can fill him in on any necessary information. My sister is back in two weeks and she can take over then.”
It was obvious she hadn’t wanted to agree to letting him stay but she’d had no other choice. And while spending the next two weeks taking care of Erin wasn’t high on Lance’s priority list, maybe it would allow him to discover the elusive peace he’d been hoping to find.
As they left the hospital room he took a final glance back at Erin, who was already drifting off to sleep. He didn’t understand his tender feelings for her at this moment. Maybe it was because she was injured. But he’d do well to remind himself not to let his heart get entangled with hers again.
Chapter Two
“We need to make cookies,” Erin said as Lance helped her out of the car when they got back to the ranch the next day.
“You just got home,” he said. “Let’s get you settled in and maybe, in a few days, we’ll give it a go.”
Even though Lance had known about Erin’s love for Christmas, he hadn’t expected she’d want to continue her activities as normal when she got home. But he should have guessed, considering how important it was to her. As he watched the defiant expression cross her face, he knew this wasn’t going to be an easy battle.
That had always been the trouble with Erin. When she got something stuck in her mind, it was almost impossible to convince her to see sense. Wasn’t that what had gotten her into this position in the first place?
He’d told her to let him finish the lights. Had she listened? No. And in a careless moment she’d been injured. At least this time it was only her safety she’d compromised. But what if he hadn’t been able to take care of her? What would she have done with the boys? Would she have had to call her sister home?
Even though everyone told him that Lily’s death was nothing more than a tragic accident, Lance knew that if only Erin had been more careful, more responsible, she would have remembered to lock the door and wouldn’t have fallen asleep. Maybe then, their daughter would still be alive.
“I’ll be fine,” she insisted, struggling to get out of her seat.
As much as Erin claimed she felt fine, she’d slept almost the entire drive back to the ranch. He’d had enough injuries of his own to know that a concussion took longer than most people thought to heal. Add in the pain from her fall and she wasn’t going to be fine for a long time.
“You’ve only just gotten out of the hospital, so let’s take it one step at a time. Starting with getting you into the house.”
He tried not to laugh as she glared at him. It was almost fun, watching her squirm. The look on her face as she glanced down at her foot then up at the stairs leading to the porch was priceless. Though they’d put her in a walking boot, the cast on her right arm would make it difficult for her to grab on to anything for balance.
Plus, it was hard to take her seriously when she was wearing a gaudy Christmas sweater with a giant llama on the front that said, “I llama wish you a Merry Christmas.” Her outfit was absolutely ridiculous, but when she was in the hospital, Lance and the boys had stopped at a discount store to buy them all some necessities for their overnight stay, as well as some things for Lance’s stay at Erin’s, and the boys had insisted that Erin needed that sweater.
She’d accepted the boys’ gift with dignity, but he could tell by the horrified expression on her face that it was a bit much, even for her. Her acceptance of the ugly sweater was one of the many things he’d always loved about her. Erin’s warmth always made people feel...
Lance shook his head. There was a big difference between finding peace with their relationship and remembering those feelings. Best to focus on the task at hand.
“Put your arm around my neck,” he said, bending beside the car. “You can balance on me until you get the hang of walking in that thing.”
She nodded slowly as she scooted out of the seat, putting her arm around him. She’d been in his arms only the day before, when he’d taken her to the hospital, but this felt different. Like... He couldn’t put words to it. But he liked the feeling of Erin trusting him and relying on him. They’d once had it and, somehow, they’d lost it.
Once he got her into the house, he took her to the family room. The space was cozy, with couches arranged by a fireplace and half-opened boxes of decorations in the corner. Some of the decorations were already in place but, judging from the boxes, Erin had a lot more to go.
“Is that end of the couch a recliner?” Lance asked. “The nurse said you should keep your foot elevated as much as possible.”
“Yes,” Erin said. “But I told you, I need to bake cookies today. I have a list, and if I don’t stick to the schedule, I won’t have everything done by the time my sisters get home. We’ll only have a few days before Christmas then, and I don’t want them worrying about everything I didn’t finish.”
Was she kidding? Of course not. Erin didn’t kid about Christmas. If the halls weren’t decked to the nines, she wasn’t happy. And right now, even though most people would call the house decorations perfectly fine, he knew it wasn’t up to Erin’s standards.
Even though Erin would have hated the comparison, her insistence on perfect Christmas décor reminded him of his mother. The only difference was that his mother always hired professional decorators and hosted parties to show off her efforts.
He could at least be thankful Erin wasn’t one to throw a party. How he hated his mother’s parties, with all the fake cheer and plastic smiles, pretending to be the perfect family.
At least Erin never pretended things were perfect when they weren’t.
“They’re going to understand,” Lance told her. “You’ve got a broken ankle and a broken arm. It’s not going to kill anyone to not have everything done perfectly. Besides, if you bake the cookies now, they’ll be spoiled by Christmas.”
“Not if you freeze them,” she said, removing her arm from his shoulder. “And just because you hate Christmas doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t celebrate the way we want.”
“I do not hate Christmas,” he said through gritted teeth. They’d barely gotten Erin home and already they were starting in to their old patterns. “I just think that all this nonsense isn’t necessary. There’s nothing wrong with getting some cookies from the bakery, dumping a packet of hot chocolate into a mug of hot water, and sitting in front of a tree that doesn’t look like Rudolph vomited on it.”