Amish Christmas Joy

Chapter Two

Leah stood rooted to the spot. Caleb had a child. That meant he had a wife, too. He had found happiness and love in the outside world after turning her life upside down. It was so unfair. She couldn’t stop the bitterness that welled up inside.

Caleb’s mother never mentioned he had married or that he had children. Maybe he hadn’t told her. Some outsiders were ashamed of a child who wasn’t normal. Had he become one of those?

Leah quickly pulled herself together. Caleb’s Englisch life was no concern of hers. “She’s fine, only a little frightened.”

Caleb set his daughter on the ground and took her by the shoulders. “What were you doing? Why did you run off?” he demanded.

“I got scared. I wanna go home.” She pushed away from him and covered her ears with her hands.

“Don’t do that! I’m not going to hit you.”

“I’m not bad. I’m not bad.” She flew back to Leah and wrapped her arms around her legs.

He pressed his fingers to his temples and exhaled sharply. “I give up. I don’t know what to do with you.”

Leah laid a protective hand on Joy’s head. “Patience and kindness are the keys to raising a special child. All children are gifts from God, but we believe a child such as Joy is one of His most cherished gifts.”

Caleb’s hands dropped to his sides. He looked...defeated. “I know what the Amish believe. That’s why I’m here. The only reason I’m here.”

She didn’t understand. He tipped his head slightly. A mocking smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “The prodigal son has returned. You don’t look happy to see me.”

She wasn’t. She didn’t care if he knew it. He had changed a great deal in the past nine years. The wild, handsome Amish boy she had known had matured into a tall, rugged-looking man with a muscular frame and deeply tanned skin. He wore his dark hair cut short in the Englisch way, not in the bowl-cut style the men of her community wore. She didn’t remember the small scar that cut through his right eyebrow. How had that happened? It was a faded white line now, not like the jagged red scar that still marred her sister Rhonda’s face.

An accident, caused by Caleb’s recklessness during their teenage years, had cruelly marked her beautiful sister, but it was his later actions that had truly scarred her.

Leah realized he was studying her, too. Watching her with hard, piercing gray eyes that gave away little of what he was thinking. A shiver of awareness raced through her and brought a rush of heat to her face.

His mocking smile widened. “It’s good to see you, Leah. Did you marry my brother, or did you come to your senses in time?”

She stiffened. The hurt was old, but it had never healed. “Your brother married Rhonda.”

“Wayne married your sister? Wow, I didn’t see that coming. Funny how things turn out, isn’t it?”

“Funny? It is far from funny.” She kept the rest of her angry reply bottled inside only because of the child. How dare he mock that terrible time? He’d left her sister unwed and pregnant when he ran off to start a new life among the Englisch.

“Bad choice of words. I’m sorry.”

“Your brother is a man of honor,” she said tartly.

He tensed. “And I’m not, is that what you’re saying? Oh, if only you knew the truth about my brother and his honor.”

“Your deeds speak so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

“An Amish proverb for every occasion. I see your quick wit hasn’t changed. I do remember that about you.”

“And I have not forgotten the way you denied your own child. The way you called my sister a liar to her face. You shamed us all.”

* * *

Caleb had held only a faint hope that Rhonda Belier would have admitted the truth sometime during the past nine years. Clearly she hadn’t. He wasn’t the father of her child. They had dated, but they had never been intimate. He had no idea who the father might be.

That Wayne had fallen on the sword of family honor and married her came as a shock. Had his guilt driven him to it? Had Wayne owned up to his past sins, or was he still using Caleb as a handy scapegoat? From Leah’s reaction, Caleb figured he himself still bore all the blame. He struggled to suppress those unpleasant memories. Nothing hurt as much as knowing his family and friends had turned their collective backs on him. No one had believed his side of the story. Not his parents, not even his brother, and that hurt most of all.

Caleb had always been the wild one, the one in trouble, the one eager to rebel against the constraints of their closed community. He had badgered and baited his brother into going to a party where he knew there would be drinking that night. He’d thought Wayne deserved one night of fun before he settled down to marry. Caleb had owned a forbidden car. He’d goaded his brother into driving it. Hours later, when Caleb had learned that Wayne had crashed into Rhonda’s buggy, he had been sick with remorse.

Wayne had managed to make his way home, terrified, almost incoherent with fear and shame. He thought he had killed Rhonda. When Caleb realized that no one knew about the accident, he had quickly gone to the crash site. He’d discovered Rhonda was alive but injured and had summoned help for her. He’d allowed everyone to think he had been the one driving. He had stoically endured the shame heaped on him by his family and the community. He knew he deserved it even if he hadn’t been behind the wheel. He had done it to shield his big brother, the one who could do no wrong in their father’s eyes.

Months later, when Caleb begged Wayne to believe he hadn’t fathered Rhonda’s child, Wayne refused to accept Caleb’s word. It had been the final blow in their relationship.

Caleb shrugged off his resentment. He’d made a choice to come back. Now he had to face the consequences of that decision. Hopefully he wasn’t going to be here long. Leah’s brown eyes fairly snapped with anger. He could see she wanted to say a lot more. He figured the only reason she wasn’t reading him the riot act was because Joy was listening.

He remembered Leah as a skinny girl with wide brown eyes and a tendency to speak her mind. She’d been someone who found the world and everyone in it of interest. She’d seemed an odd pick for his self-righteous brother back then. He’d found it hard to imagine her in love with Wayne.

She certainly wasn’t a skinny kid anymore. Even under her long coat, he could tell she had filled out in all the right places. A black bonnet covered all but the front of her honey-blond hair. Like all Amish women, she wore it parted in the center and coiled into a bun at the back of her head. Amish women never cut their hair.

Her plump cheeks were pink with cold or perhaps her anger. He wasn’t sure which. Had she married? The Amish didn’t believe in jewelry of any kind, not even wedding bands, so he had no way of knowing. What did it matter anyway?

“I don’t know why your sister lied about me. I’m sure she thought she had a good reason.” A lie told for any reason only led to more lies and heartache. He had learned that bitter lesson well.

He turned his attention to his daughter. “Come on, Joy, we should get going. You didn’t put your coat or your shoes on. You’re going to freeze out here.” He reached to pick her up.

She jerked away and hid behind Leah’s skirt. “I don’t wanna go with you. I wanna go to Nana’s house. I don’t like you anymore.”

Leah’s eyes narrowed. A frown creased her brow. He shook his head. Trust Joy to make him look like a bad parent. Leah would have no trouble believing her.

Well, he was a poor excuse for a parent. If he’d learned anything in the weeks since Valerie’s vanishing act, it was that he had no idea how to be a father.

“We’ve had this talk, honey. You can’t go back to Dallas. Nana isn’t there anymore. She’s gone to heaven.” He tried to reason with Joy although he knew it wouldn’t do any good when she got in one of her moods.

“Go away. I want Mama to come get me.”

He threw up his hands. “So do I, but it looks like that’s not going to happen.”

He pressed his lips shut. It wasn’t Joy’s fault Valerie had dumped her like an unwanted dog. He understood how difficult all the changes must be for her, but what choice did they have? “It’s not far to your new grandma’s house. You want to meet her, don’t you?” he asked calmly. He tried again to catch hold of her.

“No!” She pulled away from him and looked up at Leah. “I wanna go home with you.”

He shoved his hands in his coat pockets. “Fine! Guess I get to eat the animal crackers that are in the truck. I’m going to bite the heads off all the elephants.”

Joy glared at him but didn’t rise to his bait. The mulish expression on her face did not bode well. He sighed. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make a connection with her. She hated him.

“Please, Joy. We need to get going. Say thank-you to Leah and come on.”

“No, no, no!” She dropped down on the sidewalk, screaming and kicking her legs.

Now his face flushed with embarrassment as people coming out of the store stopped to stare. He glanced at Leah. What was she thinking? Perhaps it was best that he didn’t know. He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Her gaze softened slightly. “I’ve seen a temper tantrum or two in my time.”

“Any suggestions on how to deal with them?” He was willing to take any help he could get. He kept a close eye on Joy so she didn’t hurt herself.

“I’m sure as her father you know what’s best for her.”

He ran a hand over his hair. “I’ve been her father for a total of six weeks and three days. Believe me, I have no idea what’s best for her. Pick her up. Don’t pick her up. Let her cry it out, put her in time-out. Ignore her. Distract her. Reason with her. I’ve had all kinds of advice from the two nannies who both quit within a week, from the principal of an expensive private school that wouldn’t take her after the first day, and from her step-grandfather, who said to throw water in her face, it worked for him.”

“Did you?”

He glanced at Leah and saw her regarding him intently. She hadn’t scurried away and left him to deal with the situation alone. His respect for her jumped considerably. Joy continued to kick and scream.

“No. I almost threw water in his face, but I left before I did something I knew I would regret.”

“Very wise. Very Amish. Where’s your truck?”

“On the other side of the store.” He tipped his head in the general direction. He was ex-Amish, not Amish.

Leah bent down and lifted Joy. His daughter wasn’t a lightweight, but Leah had no trouble carrying her. She held the screaming child close and started walking. “We’re going to the truck now, Joy. It will be warmer there. As soon as you calm down, we will talk about what’s upsetting you.”

Caleb followed, happy for once to have someone else take charge. When they reached the truck, he stepped ahead to open the passenger-side door. To his surprise, Leah didn’t deposit Joy inside. Instead, she climbed in and held Joy on her lap.

He walked around to the driver’s side and rescued his scattered groceries from the sidewalk where he’d dropped them when he discovered Joy was missing. Opening his door, he set them behind the driver’s seat on the king cab’s rear bench seat. He climbed in behind the wheel, at a lost as to what to do next.

He wanted to take Joy from Leah, but he was afraid it would make things worse. He started the engine. After a few minutes, warm air filled the cab. He noticed the soothing way Leah rocked Joy and consoled her. Joy’s sobs were growing less dire.

He gripped the steering wheel. His parental shortcomings were laid bare once more. Joy would take comfort from a stranger before she took it from him. At least Leah seemed to know how to handle his daughter. He glanced her way. “Thanks for your help. Again.”

“I do it for the child,” she said primly.

He got the message. “Not for the father who strayed from the Amish fold.”

She looked directly at him. “Nee, not for you.”

* * *

Leah continued to hold and rock Joy until the child calmed down. Spent by her outburst, she rested in Leah’s arms with only occasional hiccupping sobs to break the awkward silence. Leah brushed Joy’s fine, soft hair away from her face and glanced at Caleb. Did he know how blessed he was to have this child?

She was forever comforting, caring for and teaching children who belonged to others. Her profession was a labor of love, a sacred duty, but it wasn’t like having children of her own. The unfairness of it cut deep. She longed to hold her own babe. She didn’t understand why God had chosen this path for her. She could only travel it as best she could and trust in His mercy.

After a few minutes, Joy sat up. She looked at her father. “Can I have an elephant now?”

Caleb reached behind the seat and brought out a red-and-yellow box made to look like a circus wagon, with colorful animals printed on the sides. He handed it to her. There were several similar boxes on the floor of the truck.

He must have noticed Leah’s gaze. “Sometimes they keep her from having a meltdown like the one you just witnessed. I stopped to stock up before heading out to the farm. She was sound asleep when I went in the store. I couldn’t have been gone more than five minutes.”

Leah didn’t want to feel sorry for him, but she couldn’t help it. It was easy to see that he didn’t know how to handle his newly acquired daughter. What was the story behind his cryptic comment about only being a father for six weeks? Had he adopted a special-needs child? Curiosity, often her downfall, prompted her to remain in the truck and learn more about Caleb and Joy.

Joy opened the box and picked out two elephant-shaped cookies. She looked at Leah. “Do you want one?”

Leah held out a hand. “May I have a lion?”

“Okay, sure.” Joy extracted two of them, laid the pair in Leah’s palm and gave her an endearing grin.

Children with Down syndrome were normally happy, gregarious individuals. Leah loved that about them. “What shall we give your daddy?”

“A bear,” Joy said quickly.

Leah glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His daughter’s remark caused a reluctant grin to tug at one side of his mouth. “Is that your way of telling me I’m as grumpy as an old bear?”

Leah leaned over to see Joy’s face. “Is your daddy grumpy?”

“Sometimes.” Cookie crumbs sprayed from her lips. She handed him three bears.

“I get grumpy sometimes, too,” Leah admitted. “So do you. What made you so upset a little while ago?”

The child bowed her head. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do. Your daddy can’t fix things for you if he doesn’t know what’s wrong.”

“He wants me to go away.”

“That’s not true,” Caleb said quickly.

“I wanna go home and be with Nana. I want Mama to come get me and take me home. She’ll never find me here.” She laid her head on Leah’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

Leah glanced to Caleb for an explanation. He shook his head slightly. Whatever the story was, he didn’t want to recount it in front of the child. Another awkward minute of silence passed.

Joy sat up and cupped Leah’s face with her hands. “I’m sorry I was bad.”

Leah’s heart turned over. What a sweet child. “You are forgiven. You will like your grossmammi when you meet her, and she will love you.”

Joy tipped her head to the side. “What’s that?”

“Grossmammi? It’s the Amish word for grandmother.”

“Oh. What’s an Amish?”

Leah chuckled. “I am Amish. We are a Plain People who believe in remaining separate from worldly things and living a simple life so that we may live close to God and each other.”

“You’re not plain. You’re pretty.”

“So are you.” Leah gave her a quick hug. “But I need to be going. It’s getting late. I have a long walk home.”

“Don’t go!” Joy threw her arms around Leah’s neck and held on tight.

“Joy, stop that. She has to go.” Caleb tried to pull her arms loose.

“No,” she sobbed, and held on tighter.

“Stop. You’re hurting me. Let go and we will talk about it,” Leah said firmly.

Joy slowly released her grip. “I’m not bad.”

Leah waited for Caleb to say something, but he seemed at a loss for words. She took Joy’s hands and met her gaze. “No one said you are bad. However, your behavior just now was not very nice.”

“I want you to be my friend. I don’t want you to go away.”

“I am your friend, but I have to go home. You have to go meet your grandparents.”

Caleb spoke at last. “Let me give you a lift home. It’s the least I can do after all your help.”

Leah could see Joy was on the verge of another breakdown. She hated giving in. It wouldn’t teach Joy self-control if she got her way with her tantrums. Still, Leah didn’t want to be the cause of another episode. She hadn’t forgiven Caleb for the way he had treated her sister, but ignoring someone in distress, especially a child, wasn’t something she could do. Allowing Joy a chance to calm down might make their parting easier. “That’s kind of you to offer, Caleb. Danki.”

“Great.” His relief was almost comical.

Leah put her hand on the door handle. “I left a bag of groceries on the bench in front of the store. Could you get it for me, Joy?”

“Okay. You won’t go away before I get back, will you?”

“I will wait right here.”

“Put your shoes and coat on first,” Caleb said.

Joy climbed in the backseat, pulled her sneakers and jacket on, then climbed over Leah to get out.

Caleb relaxed as he watched his daughter run to pick up the grocery bag. “You’re very good with kids, Leah. How many do you have?”

“An entire school full.”

He scowled for a second and then smiled. A warm and genuine smile that smoothed the lines of worry from his brow. He was handsome in a rugged way that many women would find attractive. She refused to be one of them. A kind heart was more important than a handsome face.

“I assume that means you’re a teacher?”

“Ja, at Walnut Valley School.”

“The same one we attended as kids? That’s got to feel strange.”

“Not so much. Do you mind if I ask what happened to Joy’s mother?”

His scowl reappeared. “To make a long story short, Valerie and I were together for a year after I left here. One day, I came home and found a note telling me she was leaving. It wasn’t until the next day I found out she had cleaned out our bank account and left me with a pile of debts that took me three years to pay off.”

His life hadn’t been easy out among the Englisch. Leah found small comfort in the thought. Her life hadn’t been easy, either.

“I didn’t hear from her again until she turned up at my door in the middle of the night a month and a half ago. She had Joy with her. She told me I was Joy’s father. She went out to smoke a cigarette and never came back.”

He had been abandoned the same way he had abandoned her pregnant sister. The irony wasn’t lost on Leah, but she saved her pity for Joy.

She looked out the window to see what was keeping her. A horse and buggy had pulled up in front of the store. Joy stood transfixed by the sight. A woman and a young girl got out. Leah recognized Karen Dresher and her young sister, Anna Imhoff. Anna was eleven and one of Leah’s brightest students.

Caleb continued speaking. “My attorney helped me track down Valerie’s stepfather. I learned Joy’s grandmother raised her until her death a few months ago. Valerie came and went over the years. She took Joy with her a few times but always brought her back. The kid’s had a rough life.”

“No wonder she was terrified when she woke and you were gone. She needs stability, a sense of home and security. You are right to return to your family. Among us you will both find acceptance and peace.” Leah meant her words, although she knew it would be difficult for everyone involved, particularly her sister, to accept Caleb back into the family.

Outside, Karen and Anna were talking to Joy. Anna was encouraging her to pet the horse’s nose. Leah smiled and waved to them. Karen waved in return.

“I’m hoping Joy will find acceptance here, but the Amish life isn’t for me,” Caleb said.

Leah whipped around to stare at him in shock. “After all your child has been through you mean to abandon her, too? How can you be so heartless?”

To think she had spared one ounce of pity for him. She fumbled for the door handle, determined to leave before she said more. He leaned across the seat and grabbed her arm to stop her.

Chapter Three

“It isn’t like that. I’m not dumping her off the way her mother did.”

Caleb needed all the help he could get. He couldn’t let Leah leave thinking less of him than she already did. If that was possible.

As a teacher, Leah would be an important part of Joy’s life in the Amish community, second only to his parents if they agreed to raise her. He wanted Leah on his side. On Joy’s side.

Leah stopped trying to open the door and glared at him. “What is it like?”

He let go of her arm. “I put a great-paying job on hold when Joy arrived in my life. I’ve tried to give her what she needs, but my one-bedroom condo isn’t exactly set up for family living. I’ve come back where I know I’m not welcome because I want Joy to have a home. A place she will always belong. A place where she will be loved and valued.

“Yes, I’ll be leaving, but not until I’m certain she can be happy here and that this is the best thing for her. If that takes two months or twelve months, I’ll stay that long. Honestly, I doubt she’ll even miss me.”

“How can she have such happiness without her father or her mother?”

“I’m her father in name only. She barely knows me. Her mother... I can’t even talk about Valerie without getting angry.”

He drew a deep breath to calm down. After a few seconds, he said, “I know Val had it rough. Joy can go from sweet to those horrible tantrums in five seconds flat. I didn’t know kids with Down could be that way. I thought they were always happy and loving.”

Having a special-needs child had been a rude awakening for Caleb. He’d had no idea what to expect. As he struggled to adjust, he found himself wanting to shout at the people who looked away when they saw Joy was different, as if seeing her somehow disturbed them.

Her step-grandfather had talked about her as if she wasn’t in the room with him, calling her stupid and a pain. Even in the few weeks she had lived with Caleb, a dozen people told him how sorry they were that he had a retarded child. Joy deserved better. He didn’t know how else he could give her a chance to be accepted for who she was.