The Clitical Guide to Female Self-Pleasure: How to Please Yourself So Your Partner Can Too

Hands

If there is one area of your body that you might want to start thinking of in terms of a sexual tool, it would likely be your hands. Yes, you read that right! Take a second to think this through if this fact is throwing you off. Your hands touch, your hands feel, your hands are amazing. Even if you choose to use a sexual toy or tool, you will likely have to hold it with, well, your hand – or hands. Hopefully you are starting to see what I mean, here. The great thing about your hands is that they cost nothing, are always – ermmm – handy, and have the ability to bring you lots of sexual pleasure, if you would only let them.

Exercise:

We tend to think of sexual touch in terms of fingertips, when we can, and probably should, be using the entire surface of our hands. You can apply this logic to any of the exercises and techniques that are included in this book. If a technique calls for you to use your fingertips, there are no rules to say you can't try the same thing with the palm of your hands, be it a movement or applying pressure.

Breasts

For most women, and, let’s face it, men, breasts are something that hold a special place in their hearts when it comes to sex. Breasts are made up of mostly fatty and connective tissue. Just like most other body parts, breasts come in many different sizes, shapes, and colors. They can be the same size and shape, but oftentimes one breast may look a little different than the other. The breasts and nipples may enlarge in the days prior to a woman’s period and may grow extra sensitive during this time – as well as during (and after) pregnancy.

In other words, breasts are somewhat complicated and then you can add in the fact that according to one study around 50 per cent of women enjoy breast stimulation, whilst the others simply tolerate it to please a partner. The good news here is we are talking about solo sex and there is no one else to please but you! According to studies conducted by Masters and Johnson and the Kinsey Institute, a small percentage of women can actually have an orgasm from breast stimulation alone. Interestingly enough, in a Kinsey Institute experiment on 8,000 women, only 11 per cent said they stimulated their own breasts during masturbation. I say that it's time we changed that percentage and I wish more women would explore their breasts as well as the rest of their bodies during a masturbation session.

Exercise:

Start out by touching your breasts using long, circular strokes, starting at the bottom of your breasts. Slowly graze your skin with your fingers as you circle the outer perimeter of your breasts. With each revolution of your breast, move just a little closer to the center of your breast, spiraling inward ever so slightly. For every two movements closer to your breasts, take one small movement outward. Continue with slow, spiraling strokes toward your nipples. As you near the nipple with one hand, stop and begin the same process with your other one. Take your time touching your breasts – make this whole process take at least 10 to15 minutes. When you do finally get to your nipple, you may well find yourself in ecstasy.

Nipples

Did you know that it's possible for a woman to achieve orgasm solely through nipple play? It's true! This doesn't happen for every woman, but certain women can have genital orgasms that are caused by intense nipple stimulation. About one in 18 people are born with a third nipple and during the Middle Ages if you did have a third nipple you would have been branded a witch, which would likely have meant you would have been burned at the stake. Fortunately we live in the 21st century and those days are done. That said, many people still have many misconceptions about their nipples, so let's try to put them to rest, shall we?

In case you aren't aware, the circular pigmented area around your nipple is called the ‘aureola’. They range in color from pale yellow to almost black, and are always darker than the skin that makes up the breast. This is so it's easier for a baby to locate them. Generally the older you are the bigger your aureolas will be. Hairs do not grow on your actual nipple, preferring to grow on your aureola, and are not bad. Whilst an erect nipple can be a sign that you are feeling sexually aroused there are other reasons they may become erect, including the fact that it's darn cold.

Exercise:

Lube the tips of the thumb and index finger of your dominant hand. If you don't have any lube handy, you can simply lick your fingers to moisten them before beginning. Now place your fingers directly across from each other on opposite ends of the outer aureola. Start at the outer part of the aureola and move your finger and thumb toward each other. As they reach the nipple, roll the nipple in a twirling motion between your fingertip and the tip of your thumb. Now, repeat the technique, starting at a different spot on the outside of the aureola. This will tease the nipple by creating anticipation and desire. Where you take things from here is, well, in your own hands.

Stomach or Belly

In men, this area is often referred to as the ‘treasure trail’, and this is the way I like to think of it when it comes to solo sex. Some women will find that when they are sexually aroused their stomach, or belly, area becomes too sensitive to touch, whilst others enjoy exploring this area and view it as foreplay before they reach the promised land of their mons, or the top of their vulva.

Exercise:

Spend some time playing with your belly once you are sexually aroused. Does it feel good as you allow your hand to travel downward toward your mons or does it have the opposite effect? Try varying the pressure, direction, and width of your touch and see if that makes a difference.

The Mons Veneris

Your Mons Veneris is located below your abdomen or belly, but above your vulva. It's the area of fatty tissue that covers your pubic bone and is designed to cushion/protect your pubic bone from the impact of intercourse. You might find it to be very sensitive when you are aroused, but this is not always the case. In its natural state it is covered by pubic hair, which is believed to trap the natural aroma of your vagina. Of course, if you've shaved it, this area will be clear of pubic hair.

Exercise:

Once you are sexually aroused, or ‘horny’, why not try using different touches over and around the area of your mons area. Some women enjoy a tapping technique and the only way to discover if this works for you is to, well, try it. Vary the rhythm and also the pressure you apply, and also you can experiment with not just your fingertips but also the entire palm of your hand to discover what you like or dislike.

Inner Thighs

Let's face it, most good touches eventually lead to the inner thighs, as this is where you will find your vulva nestled, but before you get there, why not spend some time circling around the sensitive skin that you will find nestled between your thighs. As we rarely touch our inner thighs, you will likely find they respond to your touch in a positive way and are worth spending some time getting to know.

Exercise:

As with your stomach or belly, spend some time getting to know your inner thighs. You may enjoy using a lighter touch here, as this is an area of your body that rarely gets any attention via touch. You can also vary the type of touch, by using a silk scarf, wearing woolen gloves or anything you might have handy. Experiment until you find what works for you.

Vulva

The vulva is the term that refers to all of a woman’s externally visible genitalia. Many people commonly make the mistake of referring to the vulva as the vagina, but the vagina is actually just the internal canal. Everything you can see from the outside is referred to as the vulva. One of the most interesting things about the vulva is that they are like fingerprints; they are each as individual as you are. I've yet to find any evidence that CSI has found a way to produce a reliable vulva print as yet, but it is an interesting idea nonetheless.

Exercise:

Grab a hand mirror, get naked, get comfortable, and examine your vulva up close and personal. Locate all of your important parts. You wouldn’t believe how many women have never engaged in self-exploration. There are many reasons you should do so. First, it helps if you can locate, identify, and name all your body parts when you go to see your doctor. This may be a bit uncomfortable for you, but it is definitely less embarrassing than trying to explain to your doctor that your ‘kitty’ hurts, and it’s definitely more effective than telling the doctor that you hurt ‘down there’. It’s also good to know what your vulva looks like in its healthy state, so you can identify problems if things don’t look quite right.

Labia Majora

The labia majora are designed with one purpose – to enclose and protect your other external reproductive organs. Your labia majora are also often referred to as the ‘outer lips’ and are the fat, fleshy lips that extend the length of your vulva. Like most things associated with the vulva they will vary greatly in size from woman to woman and there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ size, with some being more visible than others. Unless you shave them, they are covered in a coating of pubic hair from the time you reach puberty.

Your labia majora contain sweat and oil glands that are responsible for the familiar scent that is associated with sexual arousal. For many women this scent can cause anxiety but, to be honest, for many men this scent can be extremely attractive. A healthy vagina produces a slightly musky smell when you are aroused and this is a normal part of the arousal process and should not worry you.

Exercise:

Lie on your back with your legs spread wide open. I like to prop myself up with a pillow when I do this as I like to see what I'm doing, but that's a personal choice. Now take some lube and apply it to your thumb and forefinger, pinch your outer labia together, and stroke them up and down. As always, concentrate solely on the feelings this produces within your body.

Labia Minora

Your labia minora, or inner lips, are designed to act like a pair of swinging doors guarding the entrance to the vagina and the urethra, the tube that leads from the bladder. Your labia minora are much thinner than your labia majora and even more sensitive. They also contain erectile tissue made up of clusters of tiny blood vessels, which means they become slightly stiffer (though not as stiff as your clitoris) when you are aroused.

Like many other things about your body, inner lips come in an infinite number of varieties. Some are tiny and sit neatly between your outer lips, while others will be much larger and hang out from below the outer lips. Some are thick and some are thin, but whatever shape or size they may be, they are all hairless and sensitive to the touch. As you become aroused you will likely find they change color due to the fact that they fill with blood when you are more turned on.

Exercise:

Remember that hand-held mirror I asked you to collect at the beginning of this chapter? Now is the time to find it and put it to good use again. Take some time to get comfortable and position the mirror so you have a good view of your vulva. I find it easier to do this by propping the mirror against the wall or a pillow and then sitting in front of it. Now take a good look at your inner lips, notice everything about them, for example their size and color. Now take one of your inner lips between your finger and thumb and start massaging it gently. Alternate between your two lips and notice any changes as you massage them. You will likely find that the color changes as you become more aroused.

The Urethra

The urethra is the medical term for your urinary opening or your pee hole. As the more common name suggests, this is where you pee from. The urethral opening is located between your clitoris and your vagina opening and is hidden between the labia minora. Its exact location will vary from woman to woman and it may or may not be clearly visible. The opening itself is a vertical, slit-like, or egg-shaped opening, that is around 4–5mm in diameter.

Your urethra's main function in life is to give you somewhere to pee from. In some women it is possible to trigger an orgasm by stimulating the opening to the urethra but as a general rule it's not a great idea to place anything inside your urethra as this can cause a plethora of problems.

Exercise:

The urethra, as I said before, is where you pee from, and although it's not really thought of as a sexual thing it can be used as part of an exercise to strengthen your PC muscles, which will help with your sex life as a whole. The first thing to do is identify the PC muscle. The next time you go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet with your legs spread apart and see if you can stop and start the flow of urine without moving your legs or squeezing your buttocks together. If you’re doing it right you’ll feel an internal flexing and tightening beneath your bladder, in which case, congratulate yourself! You just found your PC muscle! A word of caution here. This is a great way of finding your PC muscle, but once you’ve identified the muscle, then make sure you aren’t peeing when you actually begin practicing the kegels as this can cause bladder infections. So now you’ve found your PC muscle, just follow these simple steps and you are doing your kegels!

1. Breathe normally.

2. Contract your PC muscle.

3. Hold for a count of five.

4. Relax your PC muscle.

5. Repeat ten times.

Clitoris

The clitoris is the only organ in the human body that has no known purpose other than producing sexual pleasure. You can find the clitoris at the 12:00 position of your vulva. It’s located near the top of the vulva and may be hidden under the labia and/or clitoral hood. The head of the clitoris, or clitoral glans, is the small pea-sized bud of smooth, spongy, erectile tissue located at the top of the labia minora. It is covered, either partially or completely, by the clitoral hood – a flap of skin that looks like a hood over a little head. The clitoral hood is designed to protect the head of the clitoris, which may become erect and protrude from the clitoral hood when you are fully turned on.

However, the visible head of the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg. When someone uses the phrase ‘the tip of the iceberg’, it refers to the fact that as much as seven-eighths of the iceberg’s mass is under water, leaving only a small portion exposed. The clitoris is very much like an iceberg in that only the small glans is visible to us, but it actually extends into the body. The entire clitoris resembles a four-inch wishbone. It extends from the external and visible pea-sized tip, up the shaft, and into the body.

Just as penises come in all shapes and sizes so do clitorises and while the average size of the clitoris is about one-quarter of an inch in diameter, it is possible to have a clitoris that can measure up to two and a half inches in length and one inch in diameter. When they are this large they bear a striking resemblance to a small penis, which is not really so surprising when you learn that the penis and clitoris are made up of the same tissues and develop from the same tissue when they are in the fetus. As with breasts, the clitoris will vary in size from woman to woman, and a small clitoris does not impact a woman's ability to orgasm.

Exercise:

Take a hand-held mirror and take another look at your vulva. Really concentrate on finding your clitoris this time. Not just your clitoral head, but your entire clitoris, which includes the shaft that runs along your inner labia. Now spend a little time touching just one side of your clitoral shaft at first, then the other. The fascinating thing about the clitoral shaft is that many women will report more sensitivity on one side than the other. As you stroke each side of the shaft, take note of how your clitoris reacts to each touch. If you have a large clitoral hood, then the chances are you will see the clitoris or pea-shaped object begin to peek out as you become more aroused. If you have a small clitoral hood, this might be a little less pronounced, but look a little closer and get familiar with your clitoris.

Vagina

The vagina performs many functions. Not only does it accept the penis during sex, captures sperm during ejaculation, and acts as a pathway for an egg, it also provides sexual pleasure, allows us to give birth and also to have periods. The vagina is the term that refers to the internal workings of the vulva and, as I have said before, people often confuse the two. Vulva outside: vagina inside.

Like your eye, your vagina is a self-cleaning organ. No, it doesn't cry, but it does produce fluids that will cause it to naturally cleanse itself. It is a muscular barrel that measures in at around three or four inches long when you are not turned on. This might not sound very long, given that the average penis measures in at around five inches, but this is where the magic of the vagina really begins. Once you are turned on, or ‘aroused’, to give it its correct term, your vagina has the ability to expand. Think of it as a piece of elastic, if you will. This elastic nature is what allows a woman to accommodate pretty much any size of penis. It also allows us to give birth, although this process is slightly different from the one above. Your vagina is angled upward at around a 65-degree angle, which is, indecently, the angle that the average penis sits at once it is erect. Unlike some popular myths would have us believe, the vagina is not a wide-open, gaping hole. It's actually a collapsed space that contracts and expands when excited or penetrated. When you are turned on your vagina stretches out as you become more excited. In addition, your cervix and uterus will pull up and backward to allow more space for penetration, whilst the back of the vagina balloons out to create even more space. When you are not aroused your vagina resembles a collapsed hose.

If you took a look inside your vagina, you would find it is pink, glistening, and has folds, called ‘rugea’, which give your vagina a ribbed texture. When you are younger these folds are more pronounced, but as you grow older they gradually disappear. When you become turned on, your vagina begins to lubricate itself and forms what look like beads of sweat all over its walls. The first third of your vagina is where you will find two-thirds of the nerve endings that reside there. So, as a general rule, the first two inches of your vagina are the tightest and the most sensitive when you are being penetrated. This is due to the fact that this area will fill with blood and become engorged.

Despite popular belief, you cannot accurately determine how turned on a woman is just by her vaginal wetness. It's possible to be highly aroused and have a completely dry vagina. Most of the time your ability to self-lubricate will be affected by a couple of things: your level of estrogen or other hormones can greatly change at certain times, such as, for example, if you are stressed, sick, have a poor diet, or depending on where you are with your menstrual cycle. As is well documented that as you reach the menopause vaginal dryness is much more common due to your body producing less estrogen, but this is easily overcome by adding some personal lubricant into the mix.

Exercise:

If you are comfortable with inserting a finger into your vagina then you can try this exercise. If you aren't, it's fine to wait until you are comfortable with doing so.

Place your finger into your vagina and feel around. I swear it won't bite. Take a moment to get used to both the feeling of your vagina being filled and also how your vagina feels.

Butt

So, I know what you’re thinking! Why on earth would I put this into a book about female masturbation? The simple answer is: everyone has a butt and although, it's true, that it is always lagging behind, it can be a source of great foreplay when it comes to solo sex.

Exercise:

Have you ever tried slapping your butt, either gently or with greater force? Just try it and you might just be surprised by the way your body responds to a slap when you are in the right frame of mine to be sexy and flirty with yourself. Try varying the pressure you use and see which type of pressure, if any, has an effect on you.

Anus and Perineum

Since time began, the anus has been accepted as an erogenous zone. The walls of your anus are packed jam-full of nerve endings and can provide a great deal of pleasure. The other part of your anatomy that you may gain pleasure from playing with is your perineum, which is located between your vaginal opening and your anus. This area also contains many, many nerve and can be very pleasurable to touch. Of course the anus is an area that is generally associated with poo, and for good reason, as this is where your body expels its waste. There are a couple of precautions you can, and should, take if you consider playing with your anus, especially anal penetration. I would strongly recommend that you invest in some latex gloves and make sure your fingernails are trimmed before you begin any type of anal play. The other is that the anus, unlike the vagina, does not self-lubricate and a good water-based lube can make any form of penetration a more pleasurable experience, and a safer one, as it is possible to tear the delicate muscles of the sphincter.

Exercise:

If you want to see if anal masturbation might be for you, I suggest you grab those latex gloves I just told you to buy, unless of course you have a latex allergy, and some of that water-based lube, and begin to explore. Start by pressing against your perineum and see how your body reacts. The most important thing to remember with any type of anal play is that you need to relax, especially if you decide to try penetration. If you do want to go further, start by exploring your anal opening, and then gently push your finger up and inside yourself. Start gently and with plenty of lube. If it hurts, then I suggest you stop, as you are too tense to receive your finger or even the top of your finger.

Calves

For many guys your calves can be a huge turn-on. It's the one reason that there are so many pictures of women wearing high heels. High heels accentuate your calves, and if you don't believe me, grab a pair of heels, head for the nearest full-length mirror and take a look at your calves with and without the heels on your feet. Now, can you see the difference?

Exercise:

Try wearing heels that you are comfortable wearing when you are getting ready for a solo session. If you are not someone who normally wears heels you will likely feel different and as you walk past a mirror you might well find yourself admiring your legs, and seeing them in a different light.

Feet and Toes

I will state for the record here that my toes and feet do not have a sexual bone in them, but this is not true for many women. Just as some men focus on their partner’s feet and toes, some women find touching theirs can be a pleasurable experience. Others, like myself, don't, but you will never know unless you try.

Exercise:

Start by wetting your hands, and especially your fingertips, and spend some time playing with your feet and toes. Imagine your partner’s tongue lapping over and between your toes as you explore with your fingertips and see what reactions you garner from your own feet and toes.