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Some of the focus group participants even told me, «Nelli, you haven’t reinvented the wheel. There is no point in reading this book since I won’t find anything new. I can’t quit. I’ve tried myriad times. It’s impossible.»
I’ve also read different books on how to quit smoking, but they were of no help either. I didn’t go further than a couple of chapters. I foresaw the narration and predicted the outcome like Nostradamus. No kidding, I thought I already knew what would follow next, just like a psychic. What was it all for? My third eye said it wouldn’t help anyway. I was desperate. I deluded myself into thinking this way.
My negative attitude towards any new information blocked positive changes. In fact, I didn’t know what would happen. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to learn something new. I only thought I knew everything. Before I picked up any book, I had already decided not to give myself a chance to quit smoking. This must be familiar to you too.
You may have even read these books to the end, and tried different ways to quit smoking, but nothing worked out. Then you surrendered and realized that you were doomed to smoke and live under stress forever.
I was a heavy smoker for more than 20 years. No matter how many times I tried to quit, I always proved to myself that there was no way out. Yes, I quit many times. I would refrain from it for a year. But I would end up smoking again. I guess every time you failed, you lost hope that one day you would break free.
I had a strong sense of guilt for not being able to put an end to it. And since I can’t stop it, it means, for some reason, I want to keep doing it. And, if I want to, I have to explain it to myself. After all, I’m not an idiot. These thoughts were spinning in my head.
By the way, just to get you motivated, I can proudly claim to be a 100% non-smoker now. And I didn’t have to quit smoking in the traditional sense. I neither suffered nor exercised my willpower. I managed to grasp the meaning of smoking: why we do it, and how our brain reacts to nicotine. After that, it took me just a minute to give up smoking forever. And from that moment on, I never experienced any cravings. People around me can freely smoke as much as they wish. I’m adamant about that very point. I will no longer put my neck into the noose. I have no regrets or thoughts about smoking.
But if I quit using my willpower, as I did before, I’d be stressed out for the rest of my life. «Oh, I don’t smoke, but I crave it,» I’d be constantly thinking about how not to smoke.
I acknowledged my thinking patterns and debunked all the myths. At that moment, I realized that from now on I would be a non-smoker and a free person. I easily got out of the trap, and you can do the same. Today, without putting it off for tomorrow. Or now or after finishing the book. It’s as simple as that, but you can hardly believe it so far.
Neural Connections And The Way We Think
Let’s talk about our brain work and thinking patterns.
I will get off the main topic for a while to elaborate on brain mechanisms and the world around us. Even if this chapter remains unclear to you, it’s okay. It won’t influence your decision on whether to quit smoking or not. If we cut this chapter from the book, it will not lose its relevance. But I love «blowing your mind,» so I will talk about it.
I don’t fit the mould of a typical coach and author. When writing, I neither try to comply with any standards nor stick to a particular style. I break the stereotypes, so let’s pretend we are having a friendly chat in the kitchen. If you wish, you can easily skip this chapter. But please don’t give up on reading the book. It will be much clearer later. With this chapter you will have a deeper understanding of everything that will follow next. I’ll try to explain this very difficult topic as clearly as possible.
So, our brain constantly and intricately weaves neural connections (our thoughts) into so-called «solitons», nodes of beliefs. These are, conventionally, sturdy structures with nerve impulses, electricity, running through them. These neural connections must «feed» themselves with energy to remain viable. The system must be strong and closed so that it can’t be destroyed. And it will demand our attention so that we feed it with our energy.
Soliton, or a system of neural connections, is one of our beliefs; faith in something. It’s a certain pattern that we stick to.
Imagine the ceaseless movement of electricity inside these connections. The more we convince ourselves of something, the stronger our neural connections become. Soliton can’t let anything destroy itself, and always pitches some thoughts to believe in. Our thinking makes these connections more stable and indestructible. Our attention and faith keep the soliton alive more than ever.
If our faith begins to weaken, we stop giving impetus and vital energy to that thinking pattern. This section of soliton starts to fight back to protect itself from being destroyed. And it starts pitching thoughts again to grab our attention and make us stick to our old strong beliefs, strengthening its connection. This is mirrored in real life: we start to generate actions and pay attention to what strengthens our old beliefs.
Our brain consists of neural connections. Its work is manifested by extensive neuronal sprouting. Each second, 400 billion neurons sprout «branches». Each «branch» is a thought, and each of them gives energy, producing an electromagnetic wave. It literally builds «the images» of the reality around us with photons (particles of light). To put it another way, it builds our world. Everything that we witness around us, this whole world, is a projection of our mind.
It may be hard to believe. This is all taken from quantum mechanics and is scientifically based. Scientists, including A. Einstein, D. Bell, E. Schrödinger, W. Pauli, and many others, verified it. And I don’t even doubt it, as I’m a fan of quantum mechanics.
The main idea is that a thought generates a feeling that is turned into an image by the brain. The brain makes a decision, and the external reality confirms it.
Solitons, the strong neural connections of the formed beliefs, keep themselves alive by pitching thoughts and generating the images of the world around us. We pay attention to these images and confirm them as our reality, thereby giving vital energy to a soliton.
When we come across new information that clashes with our beliefs, we start resisting and boiling with anger. It causes adrenaline to spike, the heart rate to increase, and the blood pressure to rise. These strong neural connections start a war with us so that in no way we destroy our belief. On a neural level, they react as if we’re being threatened. When I take a cigarette as an example, it will become more or less clear.
I bet you’re very resistant to this information now. «What? Brain? Creates? World around us? Come on. Not possible!»
At this point, the parts of your brain that are convinced of the opposite begin attacking and «building» reality in order to persuade us not to destroy our existing belief and to reaffirm our old truth. That’s why we always deny something new, changes in general.
We will hold on to our truth till the end, even realizing that it’s completely illogical and not satisfying anymore. I don’t like this truth, but I’m convinced. But remember that it’s the brain, and these are your thinking patterns. The ideas that have been formed by strong neural connections are rebelling. To destroy them, you will have to fight yourself, but it’s a faulty way. What’s more, it often doesn’t work since you will have to go through a lot of stress, which will be difficult to cope with. After all, the war with yourself always leads to an endless war that can end with nothing.
But there is a way out: we can gently restructure our thinking patterns and beliefs into new connections. And remember, whatever thinking pattern you have; it projects a picture of the world confirming that belief. The more we are convinced of something, the stronger these connections become.
This principle lies at the heart of all my courses, whether they are about finance, work, health, fulfilling desires, or solving life issues. Everything we see around us is a projection of our thoughts. The projection of reality correlates with our beliefs and confirms them, so we make our brain stronger and it can function.
Any truth is self-confirming. You have probably heard it many times: «You get what you believe in.» We see the world in a certain way, react to it, and convince ourselves of the truth we see. This is exactly what a soliton needs – to supply itself with energy to stay alive. The connections become stronger and more stable. Soliton keeps adding thoughts and generating images so that we strengthen our belief. Our attention is the fabric of life. Hence, we perceive the world around us according to our beliefs and the truth in our heads.
Since I don’t tend to write in a linear fashion, I might have completely confused and tired you out. The way I say things sometimes resembles «alien language». Nevertheless, I tried to make it clear. I hope it resonates. I would be very glad if you come to realize this someday. But you need this chapter to connect the dots and have a deeper understanding of your smoking-related beliefs. Let’s talk about them now.
Quit Without Quitting
It’s no joke. Quitting smoking is fraught with the danger of not being able to quit. Moreover, smoking is just a consequence. And the more you try to quit smoking, the fewer chances you have of becoming a non-smoker. Why? Because when you start to light a cigarette again, you lose your faith in giving it up for good.
Numerous attempts to quit ended in a relapse. You started smoking again. That made neural connections become solid as a rock, and now they won’t let you destroy them that easily. You’ve lost hope of ever quitting.
Even if you start to repeat it like a mantra now: «it’s possible, it’s possible,» even if you say it a thousand times, it will not work. You’ve formed a solid belief based on your knowledge and experience, that is always reinforced by reality. Convincing yourself by repeating words is not effective, because the connections in your brain won’t allow you to destroy them. They will fight back till the end.
Think about it. Every time you slip, you assure yourself that it’s impossible to quit. And your belief will just keep getting more ingrained. Or you believe it’s difficult and this also becomes a thinking pattern.
You probably think that you like smoking, that smoking relieves stress and that it helps you enjoy life. When you smoke, you have a broad smile on your face, and enjoy the moment. Yeah, you have a lot of these beliefs. In that case, your brain will project relevant reality in order to strengthen and confirm them as ultimate truth.
Remember one paramount thing:
It’s not reality that convinces us of the something, when you «saw and believed», no. First, we «decide» to believe. Only then does the brain build up confirmation in the real world so that we witness it and our thoughts «grow stronger». It’s one of the scientifically proven functions of the human brain.
And now you have the opportunity to learn how it works, how beliefs are formed. You’re capable of changing your way of thinking. No rush, no struggle. Once you change your attitude towards smoking, your brain will create a new reality where you’re a happy non-smoker.
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