Military Memoirs of Capt. George Carleton

But to return to la Mancha; I had been there now upwards of two Years, much diverted with the good Humour and Kindness of the Gentlemen, and daily pleased with the Conversation of the Nuns of the Nunnery opposite to my Lodgings; when walking one Day alone upon the Plaza, I found my self accosted by a Clerico. At the first Attack, he told me his Country: But added, that he now came from Madrid with a Potent, that was his Word, from Pedro de Dios, Dean of the Inquisition, to endeavour the Conversion of any of the English Prisoners; that being an Irish-man, as a sort of a Brother, he had conceived a Love for the English, and therefore more eagerly embraced the Opportunity which the Holy Inquisition had put into his Hands for the bringing over to Mother Church as many Hereticks as he could; that having heard a very good Character of me, he should think himself very happy, if he could be instrumental in my Salvation;

"It is very true, continu'd he, I have lately had the good Fortune to convert many; and besides the Candour of my own Disposition, I must tell you, that I have a peculiar knack at Conversion, which very few, if any, ever could resist. I am going upon the same work into Murcia; but your good Character is fix'd me in my Resolution of preferring your Salvation to that of others."

To this very long, and no less surprising Address, I only return'd, that it being an Affair of moment, it would require some Consideration; and that by the time he return'd from Murcia, I might be able to return him a proper Answer. But not at all satisfy'd with this Reply;

"Sir," says he, "God Almighty is all-sufficient: This moment is too precious to be lost; he can turn the Heart in the twinkling of an Eye, as well as in twenty Years. Hear me then; mind what I say to you: I will convince you immediately. You Hereticks do not believe in Transubstantiation, and yet did not our Saviour say in so many Words, Hoc est corpus meum? And if you don't believe him, don't you give him the Lye? Besides, does not one of the Fatherss ay, Deus, qui est omnis Veritas, non potest dicere falsum?"

He went on at the same ridiculous rate; which soon convinced me, he was a thorough Rattle. However, as a Clerico, and consequently in this Country, a Man dangerous to disoblige, I invited him home to Dinner; where when I had brought him, I found I had no way done an unacceptable thing; for my Landlady and her Daughter, seeing him to be a Clergyman, receiv'd him with a vast deal of Respect and Pleasure.

Dinner being over, he began to entertain me with a Detail of the many wonderful Conversions he had made upon obstinate Hereticks; that he had convinced the most Stubborn, and had such a Nostrum, that he would undertake to convert any one. Here he began his old round, intermixing his Harangue with such scraps and raw sentences of fustian Latin, that I grew weary of his Conversation; so pretending some Business of consequence, I took leave, and left him and my Landlady together.

I did not return till pretty late in the Evening, with Intent to give him Time enough to think his own Visit tedious; but to my great Surprize, I found my Irish Missionary still on the Spot, ready to dare me to the Encounter, and resolv'd, like a true Son of the Church militant, to keep last on the Field of Battle. As soon as I had seated my self, he began again to tell me, how good a Character my Landlady had given me, which had prodigiously increased his Ardour of saving my Soul; that he could not answer it to his own Character, as well as mine, to be negligent; and therefore he had enter'd into a Resolution to stay my Coming, though it had been later. To all which, I return'd him Abundance of Thanks for his good Will, but pleading Indisposition and want of Rest, after a good deal of civil Impertinence, I once more got rid of him; at least, I took my Leave, and went to Bed, leaving him again Master of the Field; for I understood next Morning, that he stay'd some Time after I was gone, with my good Landlady.

Next Morning the Nuns of the Nunnery opposite, having taken Notice of the Clerico's Ingress, long Visit, and late Egress, sent to know whether he was my Countryman; with many other Questions, which I was not then let into the Secret of. To all which I return'd, that he was no Countryman of mine, but an Irish-man, and so perfectly a Stranger to me, that I knew no more of him than what I had from his own Mouth, that he was going into Murcia. What the Meaning of this Enquiry was, I could never learn; but I could not doubt, but it proceeded from their great Care of their Vicino, as they call'd me; a Mark of their Esteem, and of which I was not a little proud.

As was my usual Custom, I had been taking my Morning Walk, and had not been long come home in order to Dinner, when in again drops my Irish Clerico; I was confounded, and vexed, and he could not avoid taking Notice of it; nevertheless, without the least Alteration of Countenance, he took his Seat; and on my saying, in a cold and indifferent Tone, that I imagin'd he had been got to Murcia before this; he reply'd, with a natural Fleer, that truely he was going to Murcia, but his Conscience pricked him, and he did find that he could not go away with any Satisfaction, or Peace of Mind, without making me a perfect Convert; that he had plainly discovered in me a good Disposition, and had, for that very Reason, put himself to the Charge of Man and Mule, to the Bishop of Cuenca for a Licence, under his Hand, for my Conversion: For in Spain, all private Missionaries are obliged to ask Leave of the next Bishop, before they dare enter upon any Enterprize of this Nature.

I was more confounded at this last Assurance of the Man than at all before; and it put me directly upon reflecting, whether any, and what Inconveniences might ensue, from a Rencounter that I, at first, conceiv'd ridiculous, but might now reasonably begin to have more dangerous Apprehensions of. I knew, by the Articles of War, all Persons are exempted from any Power of the Inquisition; but whether carrying on a Part in such a Farce, might not admit, or at least be liable to some dangerous Construction, was not imprudently now to be considered. Though I was not fearful, yet I resolv'd to be cautious. Wherefore not making any Answer to his Declaration about the Bishop, he took Notice of it; and to raise a Confidence, he found expiring, began to tell me, that his Name was Murtough Brennan, that he was born near Kilkenny, of a very considerable Family. This last part indeed, when I came to Madrid, I found pretty well confirm'd in a considerable Manner. However, taking Notice that he had alter'd his Tone of leaving the Town, and that instead of it, he was advancing somewhat like an Invitation of himself to Dinner the next Day, I resolv'd to show my self shy of him; and thereupon abruptly, and without taking any Leave, I left the Room, and my Landlady and him together.

Three or four Days had passed, every one of which, he never fail'd my Lodgings; not at Dinner Time only, but Night and Morning too; from all which I began to suspect, that instead of my Conversion, he had fix'd upon a Re-conversion of my Landlady. She was not young, yet, for a black Woman, handsom enough; and her Daughter very pretty: I entered into a Resolution to make my Observations, and watch them all at a Distance; nevertheless carefully concealing my Jealousy. However, I must confess, I was not a little pleas'd, that any Thing could divert my own Persecution. He was now no longer my Guest, but my Landlady's, with whom I found him so much taken up, that a little Care might frustrate all his former impertinent Importunities on the old Topick.

But all my Suspicions were very soon after turn'd into Certainties, in this Manner: I had been abroad, and returning somewhat weary, I went to my Chamber, to take, what in that Country they call, a Cesto, upon my Bed: I got in unseen, or without seeing any Body, but had scarce laid my self down, before my young Landlady, as I jestingly us'd to call the Daughter, rushing into my Room, threw her self down on the Floor, bitterly exclaiming. I started off my Bed, and immediately running to the Door, who should I meet there but my Irish Clerico, without his Habit, and in his Shirt? I could not doubt, by the Dishabillé of the Clerico, but the young Creature had Reason enough for her Passion, which render'd me quite unable to master mine; wherefore as he stood with his Back next the Door, I thrust him in that ghostly Plight into the open Street.

I might, with leisure enough, have repented that precipitate Piece of Indiscretion; if it had not been for his bad Character, and the favourable Opinion the Town had conceived of me; for he inordinately exclaim'd against me, calling me Heretick, and telling the People, who were soon gathered round him, that coming to my Lodgings on the charitable work of Conversion, I had thus abus'd him, stript him of his Habit, and then turn'd him out of Doors. The Nuns, on their hearing the Outcries he made, came running to their Grates, to enquire into the Matter, and when they understood it, as he was pleas'd to relate it; though they condemn'd my Zeal, they pity'd my Condition. Very well was it for me, that I stood more than a little well in the good Opinion of the Town; among the Gentry, by my frequent Conversation, and the inferior Sort by my charitable Distributions; for nothing can be more dangerous, or a nearer Way to violent Fate, than to insult one of the Clergy in Spain, and especially, for such an one as they entitle a Heretick.

My old Landlady (I speak in respect to her Daughter) however formerly my seeming Friend, came in a violent Passion, and wrenching the Door out of my Hands, opened it, and pull'd her Clerico in; and so soon as she had done this, she took his Part, and railed so bitterly at me, that I had no Reason longer to doubt her thorough Conversion, under the full Power of his Mission. However the young one stood her Ground, and by all her Expressions, gave her many Inquirers Reason enough to believe, all was not Matter of Faith that the Clerico had advanced. Nevertheless, holding it adviseable to change my Lodgings, and a Friend confirming my Resolutions, I removed that Night.

The Clerico having put on his upper Garments, was run away to the Corrigidor, in a violent Fury, resolving to be early, as well knowing, that he who tells his Story first, has the Prospect of telling it to double Advantage. When he came there, he told that Officer a thousand idle Stories, and in the worst Manner; repeating how I had abus'd him, and not him only, but my poor Landlady, for taking his Part. The Corrigidor was glad to hear it all, and with an officious Ear fish'd for a great deal more; expecting, according to Usage, at last to squeeze a Sum of Money out of me. However he told the Clerico, that, as I was a Prisoner of War, he had no direct Power over me; but if he would immediately write to the President Ronquillo, at Madrid, he would not fail to give his immediate Orders, according to which he would as readily act against me.

The Clerico resolv'd to pursue his old Maxim and cry out first; and so taking the Corrigidor's Advice, he wrote away to Madrid directly. In the mean Time the People in the Town, both high and low, some out of Curiosity, some out of Friendship, pursu'd their Enquiries into the Reality of the Facts. The old Landlady they could make little of to my Advantage; but whenever the young one came to the Question, she always left them with these Words in her Mouth, El Diabolo en forma del Clerico, which rendring Things more than a little cloudy on the Clerico's Side, he was advis'd and press'd by his few Friends, as fast as he could to get out of Town; Nuns, Clergy, and every Body taking Part against him, excepting his new Convert, my old Landlady.

The Day after, as I was sitting with a Friend at my new Quarters, Maria (for that was the Name of my Landlady's Daughter) came running in with these Words in her Mouth, El Clerico, el Clerico, passa la Calle. We hasten'd to the Window, out of which we beheld the Clerico, Murtough Brennan, pitifully mounted on the Back of a very poor Ass (for they would neither let, nor lend him a Mule through all the Town) his Legs almost rested on the Ground, for he was lusty, as his Ass was little; and a Fellow with a large Cudgel march'd a-foot, driving his Ass along. Never did Sancha Pancha, on his Embassage to Dulcinea, make such a despicable, out of the way Figure, as our Clerico did at this Time. And what increas'd our Mirth was, their telling me, that our Clerico, like that Squire (tho' upon his own Priest-Errantry) was actually on his March to Toboso, a Place five Leagues off, famous for the Nativity of Dulcinea, The Object of the Passion of that celebrated Hero Don Quixot. So I will leave our Clerico on his Journey to Murcia, to relate the unhappy Sequel of this ridiculous Affair.

I have before said, that, by the Advice of the Corrigidor, our Clerico had wrote to Don Ronquillo at Madrid. About a Fortnight after his Departure from la Mancha, I was sitting alone in my new Lodgings, when two Alguizils (Officers under the Corrigidor, and in the Nature of our Bailiffs) came into my Room, but very civilly, to tell me, that they had Orders to carry me away to Prison; but at the same Moment they advis'd me, not to be afraid; for they had observed, that the whole Town was concern'd at what the Corrigidor and Clerico had done; adding, that it was their Opinion, that I should find so general a Friendship, that I need not be apprehensive of any Danger. With these plausible Speeches, though I afterwards experienced the Truth of them, I resign'd my self, and went with them to a much closer Confinement.

I had not been there above a Day or two, before many Gentlemen of the Place sent to me, to assure me, they were heartily afflicted at my Confinement, and resolv'd to write in my Favour to Madrid; but as it was not safe, nor the Custom in Spain, to visit those in my present Circumstances, they hoped I would not take it amiss, since they were bent to act all in their Power towards my Deliverance; concluding however with their Advice, that I would not give one Real of Plata to the Corrigidor, whom they hated, but confide in their assiduous Interposal, Don Pedro de Ortega in particular, the Person that perform'd the Part of the Tauriro on Horseback, sometime before, sent me Word, he would not fail to write to a Relation of his, of the first Account in Madrid, and so represent the Affair, that I should not long be debarr'd my old Acquaintance.

It may administer, perhaps, Matter of Wonder, that Spaniards, Gentlemen of the stanchest Punctilio, should make a Scruple and execute themselves from visiting Persons under Confinement, when, according to all Christian Acceptation, such a Circumstance would render such a Visit, not charitable only but generous. But though Men of vulgar Spirits might, from the Narrowness of their Views, form such insipid Excuses, those of these Gentlemen, I very well knew, proceeded from much more excusable Topicks. I was committed under the Accusation of having abus'd a sacred Person, one of the Clergy; and though, as a Prisoner of War, I might deem my self exempt from the Power of the Inquisition; yet how far one of that Country, visiting a Person, so accused, might be esteemed culpable, was a consideration in that dangerous Climate, far from deserving to be slighted. To me therefore, who well knew the Customs of the Country, and the Temper of its Countrymen, their Excuses were not only allowable, but acceptable also; for, without calling in Question their Charity, I verily believ'd I might falsely confide in their Honour.

Accordingly, after I had been a close Prisoner one Month to a Day, I found the Benefit of these Gentlemen's Promises and Solicitations. Pursuant to which, an Order was brought for my immediate Discharge; notwithstanding, the new Convert, my old Landlady, did all she could to make her appearing against me effectual, to the Height of her Prejudice and Malice, even while the Daughter, as sensible of my Innocence, and acting with a much better Conscience, endeavoured as much to justify me, against both the Threats and Persuasions of the Corrigidor, and his few Accomplices, though her own Mother made one.

After Receipt of this Order for my Enlargement, I was mightily press'd by Don Felix, and others of my Friends, to go to Madrid, and enter my Complaint against the Corrigidor and the Clerico, as a Thing highly essential to my own future Security. Without asking Leave therefore of the Corrigidor, or in the least acquainting him with it, I set out from la Mancha, and, as I afterwards understood, to the terrible Alarm of that griping Officer; who was under the greatest Consternation, when he heard I was gone; for as he knew very well, that he had done more than he could justify, he was very apprehensive of any Complaint; well knowing, that as he was hated as much as I was beloved, he might assure himself of the Want of that Assistance from the Gentlemen, which I had experienced.

So soon as I arrived at Madrid, I made it my Business to enquire out, and wait upon Father Fahy, Chief of the Irish College. He received me very courteously; but when I acquainted him with the Treatment I had met with from Brennan, and had given him an Account of his other scandalous Behaviour, I found he was no Stranger to the Man, or his Character; for he soon confirm'd to me the Honour Brennan first boasted of, his considerable Family, by saying, that scarce an Assize passed in his own Country, without two or three of that Name receiving at the Gallows the just Reward of their Demerits. In short, not only Father Fahy, but all the Clergy of that Nation at Madrid, readily subscribed to this Character of him, That he was a Scandal to their Country.

After this, I had nothing more to do, but to get that Father to go with me to Pedro de Dios, who was the Head of the Dominican Cloyster, and Dean of the Inquisition. He readily granted my Request, and when we came there, in a Manner unexpected, represented to the Dean, that having some good Dispositions towards Mother-Church, I had been diverted from them, he feared, by the evil Practices of one Murtough Brennan, a Countryman of his, tho' a Scandal to his Country; that under a Pretence of seeking my Conversion, he had lay'd himself open in a most beastly Manner, such as would have set a Catholick into a vile Opinion of their Religion, and much more one that was yet a Heretick. The Dean had hardly Patience to hear Particulars; but as soon as my Friend had ended his Narration, he immediately gave his Orders, prohibiting Murtough's saying any more Masses, either in Madrid, or any other Place in Spain. This indeed was taking away the poor Wretches sole Subsistence, and putting him just upon an Equality with his Demerits.

I took the same Opportunity to make my Complaints of the Corrigidor; but his Term expiring very soon, and a Process being likely to be chargeable, I was advised to let it drop. So having effected what I came for, I returned to my old Station at la Mancha.

When I came back, I found a new Corrigidor, as I had been told there would, by the Dean of the Inquisition, who, at the same Time, advised me to wait on him. I did so, soon after my Arrival, and then experienced the Advice to be well intended; the Dean having wrote a Letter to him, to order him to treat me with all Manner of Civility. He show'd me the very Letter, and it was in such particular and obliging Terms, that I could not but perceive he had taken a Resolution, if possible, to eradicate all the evil impressions, that Murtough's Behaviour might have given too great Occasion for. This serv'd to confirm me in an Observation that I had long before made, That a Protestant, who will prudently keep his Sentiments in his own Breast, may command any Thing in Spain; where their stiff Bigotry leads 'em naturally into that other Mistake, That not to oppose, is to assent. Besides, it is generally among them, almost a work of Supererogation to be even instrumental in the Conversion of one they call a Heretick. To bring any such back to what they call Mother Church, nothing shall be spar'd, nothing thought too much: And if you have Insincerity enough to give them Hopes, you shall not only live in Ease, but in Pleasure and Plenty.

I had entertain'd some thoughts on my Journey back, of taking up my old Quarters at the Widow's; but found her so intirely converted by her Clerico, that there wou'd be no room to expect Peace: For which Reason, with the help of my fair Vicinos, and Don Felix, I took another, where I had not been long, before I received an unhappy Account of Murtough's Conduct in Murcia. It seems he had kept his Resolution in going thither; where meeting with some of his own Countrymen, though he found 'em stanch good Catholics, he so far inveigled himself into 'em, that he brought them all into a foul chance for their Lives. There were three of 'em, all Soldiers, in a Spanish Regiment, but in a fit of ambitious, though frantick, Zeal: Murtough had wheedled them to go along with him to Pedro de Dios, Dean of the Inquisition, to declare and acknowledge before him, that they were converted and brought over to Mother Church, and by him only. The poor Ignorants, thus intic'd, had left their Regiment, of which the Colonel, having notice, sent after them, and they were overtaken on the Road, their Missionair with them. But notwithstanding all his Oratory, nay, even the Discovery of the whole Farce, one of them was hang'd for an Example to the other two.

It was not long after my Return before News arriv'd of the Peace; which though they receiv'd with Joy, they could hardly entertain with Belief. Upon which, the new Corrigidor, with whom I held a better Correspondence than I had done with the old one, desired me to produce my Letters from England, that it was true. Never did People give greater Demonstrations of Joy, than they upon this Occasion. It was the common cry in the Streets, Paz con Angleterra, con todo Mundo Guerra; And my Confirmation did them as much Pleasure as it did Service to me; for is possible, they treated me with more Civility than before.

But the Peace soon after being proclaimed, I received Orders to repair to Madrid, where the rest of the Prisoners taken at Denia had been carried; when I, by reason of my Wounds, and want of Health, had been left behind. Others I understood lay ready, and some were on their March to Bayone in France; where Ships were ordered for their Transportation into England. So after a Residence of three Years and three Months; having taken leave of all my Acquaintance, I left a Place, that was almost become natural to me, the delicious Sainte Clemente de la Mancha.

Nothing of Moment, or worth observing, met I with, till I came near Ocanna; and there occurred a Sight ridiculous enough. The Knight of the Town, I last came from, the ever renown'd Don Quixot, never made such a Figure as a Spaniard, I there met on the Road. He was mounted on a Mule of the largest size, and yet no way unsizeable to his Person: He had two Pistols in his Holsters, and one on each side stuck in his Belt; a sort of large Blunderbuss in one of his Hands, and the fellow to it slung over his Shoulders hung at his Back. All these were accompany'd with a right Spanish Spado, and an Attendant Stiletto, in their customary Position. The Muletier that was my guide, calling out to him in Spanish, told him he was very well arm'd; to which, with a great deal of Gravity, the Don returned Answer, by Saint Jago a Man cannot be too well arm'd in such dangerous Times.