The Secret Life of the Two-Faced Virgin. Part 1

Natasha’s Abuse by Her Brother from Age 10 to 12

But there was another circumstance in Natasha’s life that permanently defined her future relationship with her brother. Upon reaching sexual maturity, he decided to satisfy his urges at his own sister’s expense. When Natasha was 10 years old, he began locking himself with her in the bathroom and engaging in sexual acts – initially without intercourse, but eventually progressing to full sexual penetration. This continued for three years. Her brother terrorized Natasha by threatening to tell everyone that his sister was a prostitute if she ever complained to their parents. For many years afterward, Natasha experienced profound aversion toward boys and men before she gradually began recovering from this psychological trauma. Nevertheless, the physical health consequences remained. All this abuse finally ended one day when their father came home from work earlier than usual and caught his son in the act. The boy received a severe punishment then and there. However, the parents chose not to disclose the incident publicly, wishing to avoid bringing shame upon the family and to protect Natasha’s future prospects. Despite this, their mother suddenly began blaming Natasha, accusing her of having seduced her own brother and making her feel guilty.

When Natasha’s parents had turned a blind eye to their only son’s misdeeds during childhood, dismissing everything as thoughtless actions of a small child and never punishing him seriously, they inadvertently created a monster. This boy, raised in an atmosphere of impunity, came to believe that everything was permitted to him.

A Miracle on New Year’s Eve

Despite all the problems and trials that Natasha faced in her childhood, her favorite day of the year was always New Year’s Eve. This holiday somehow brightened up the gray everyday life. Every year, her father would bring a large Christmas tree, always a real one with the fresh scent of pine, reaching up to the ceiling. Natasha and her sister would decorate it with colorful lights and garlands. A New Year’s celebration without a tree was almost a catastrophe. This holiday felt magical, and Natasha believed in the miracles that could happen on that day.

When Natasha was eleven, for the first time in all those years, her father did not buy a tree. For Natasha and her sister, the holiday was spoiled. Although her father had gone to the market to look for a tree, at that time it was very difficult to buy one. Around 8:00 PM, her mother gave Natasha some money so she and her sister could go to the store to buy sweets and drinks, to somehow lift their spirits. When Natasha and her sister left the building, a huge Christmas tree was standing by the entrance door, its branches blocking the way into the building. Natasha and her sister went to the store, and when they returned, the tree was still there. Natasha thought that someone from the first floor had put the tree outside. Two hours later, at around 10:00 PM, Natasha went down again – the tree was still standing there alone. No one was around. Natasha realized that apparently someone had bought two trees and simply left one outside so it wouldn’t take up space in the apartment. In Soviet times, by 9:00 PM everyone was already sitting at their tables, seeing out the Old New Year, and the streets were empty. Natasha and her sister brought the tree home. It barely fit into the elevator because it was so tall and fluffy. Her parents couldn’t understand where their daughters had gotten a Christmas tree on New Year’s Eve. Natasha explained that the tree had been standing under the entrance for about three hours, and no one had wanted it. That evening, Natasha and her sister quickly decorated the tree, and they celebrated New Year’s as usual. It was the most beautiful tree they had ever had. Natasha hung the purchased candies on the tree and admired the glowing lights with her sister for a long time. That night, Natasha believed that miracles do happen. Many years later, Natasha learned that the prototype of Santa Claus was Saint Nicholas the Wonderworker and realized whom she should thank for that evening of happiness.

Adventures at Grandmothers’ House in the Village During the Holidays

During the holidays, Natasha, her sister, and her brother were taken by their parents to spend time with their grandmothers in the village – her father’s mother, Pelageya Afanasyevna, who had become a widow during the war, and her younger sister, Irina Afanasyevna, who had never married and had no children. The village was situated on a hill, with the Sozh River flowing in the lowlands; there were also many lakes and a large forest. At that time, Natasha’s family did not yet have a car, so they had to travel by public bus. Natasha had an allergy to the damp smell of the house in which her grandmothers lived, so she often slept at neighbors’ homes. The grandmother’s house consisted of an entryway, a dining room, a kitchen, and one large room. There was a large stove and a resting platform in the kitchen. Natasha and her sister loved to sit there and often hid from their parents. The large room was divided by a single curtain, behind which were the beds of the two grandmothers. This room also had a stove. Against the wall were an old sofa and a newer one. Above the sofas hung various rugs depicting scenes from fairy tales: the Turnip and Puss in Boots. Rare portraits and framed photographs hung on the walls. Icons hung in the corner of the room, partially hidden by curtains. For some unknown reason, Natasha and her sister were afraid to be alone in this room, feeling as if someone were watching them. A slight chill would run over their bodies.

The grandmothers had a large household: two cows, several pigs, hens, and chicks. Natasha loved to play with the chicks and feed them. There were also several cats in the house, and Natasha would hide the chicks from them. For lunch, Natasha, her sister, and grandmother Irina would go down the hill to the pasture where the grandmother milked the cows. The cows gave a lot of milk, and the grandmother would carry back almost full ten-liter buckets. The grandmothers made homemade cottage cheese and butter from the milk, while some milk was delivered to the collective farm. They made butter from the cream, manually churning it in a jar until it reached the desired consistency.

The grandmothers also had a large garden and orchard, with many types of apple trees, currant and gooseberry bushes, and several irga bushes. There was a large strawberry patch. But the main part of the garden was occupied by potatoes, legumes, and vegetables. Natasha’s favorite spot in the garden was the strawberry patch. The flower beds had perennial flowers and lilacs. Natasha, her friends, and her sister often went into the forest to pick mushrooms and berries, or went to the village club to watch movies. The grandmothers’ household was a great help to Natasha’s parents. Her father would go twice a week by suburban bus to buy groceries. Grandmother Pelageya would bring a bag of products to the bus, and her father would take them home. This continued until grandmother Pelageya passed away, when Natasha was thirteen.

Once, an unpleasant incident occurred with Natasha in the village. She and her friends decided to go down the hill to ride horses, but at that time, local village boys around fifteen or sixteen years old arrived on horseback. They decided to scare Natasha and her friends and chased them on horses. One horse stepped on Natasha’s foot, striking her ankle bone. Her foot swelled terribly, and she could not walk. Natasha did not tell her parents that the horse had stepped on her foot. The doctor said it was just a bruise, although a bone fracture was possible.

Natasha’s favorite time in the village was the Kupala Night celebration. On this day, one could indulge in all sorts of mischief. The younger generation of the village, along with visitors from the cities, would gather in groups and play incredible pranks. Everything in sight – carts, horses, benches – was moved from one end of the village to the other. In the morning, all the villagers would search for their missing items. They also set various traps near the houses: ropes across doors, hanging containers of water that would spill on whoever opened the door or gate. Even though everyone knew this happened every year, no one bothered to hide their belongings. It was a festival of fun and games. The next morning, the entire village walked around, seeing what had been moved where.

The Death of Grandmother Pelageya, and Natalia’s Sister’s Prophetic Dream About Her Death

When Natasha turned twelve, grandmother Pelageya suddenly passed away. That year, her sister Elena had a prophetic dream that their grandmother was about to die. Natasha told their parents about the dream, but they paid it no mind. A month and a half later, grandmother Pelageya died from gangrene. She had spent almost one and a half months in the hospital in the town of Vetka. Their parents constantly visited and cared for her. Grandmother Irina told Natasha that grandmother Pelageya really wanted to see her granddaughters, but the parents never took Natasha and her sister to the hospital because the sight of her illness would have been too much for their young minds. Once, the parents and brother went to the hospital when grandmother had surgery to amputate her leg. The brother returned alone from the hospital and asked Natasha and her sister to help him look for something in the attic. The three of them searched for something unusual but found nothing. Natasha asked her brother what they were looking for, but he did not say. Then he said the floors needed to be opened. Natasha said he had gone mad and refused to do it. Then grandmother Irina arrived, and the brother stopped searching. He told Natasha and her sister not to tell anyone about it. That evening, the parents returned and said that grandmother Pelageya had died. Natasha was deeply shaken – the prophetic dream of her sister Elena had completely come true. Natasha never saw her grandmother alive or spoke to her one last time. Afterwards came the funeral, grief, and sorrow. Natasha forgot about what her brother had been searching for in the grandmother’s house. Only many years later did she recall this incident. It had happened just before her grandmother’s death, and perhaps she could have told their father something important, and her brother might have overheard. But he did not find it.

After grandmother Pelageya’s death, Natasha and her sister visited and stayed in the village a few more times. But being alone in the house became even scarier. They seemed to sense someone’s presence. It was an inexplicable feeling. Natasha often dreamed of her grandmother, who seemed to want to tell her something in her dreams, but she could not hear her, as if something was preventing it. One day, an incident occurred that made Natasha and her sister not want to visit grandmother Irina in the village anymore. Natasha and her sister often liked to lie on the stove platform. That day they were lying there again. Grandmother Irina came with her best friend from the village. Apparently, she thought her granddaughters were somewhere in the garden or playing with friends. She started talking to her friend and said a phrase that shocked Natasha: “Why do they come here? They’re nobody to me. Not my blood, not my kin. Polka was alive, and they still came, but now who are they to me? Polka is gone, and they have no business here.” When Natasha heard this, she couldn’t believe her ears. She had always considered both grandmothers hers and had never distinguished who was more important. She thought both treated her and her sister equally. Natasha told her parents about this, but she never went back to the village. The parents continued to visit and help grandmother with household chores. After grandmother Polya’s death, grandmother Irina gave up the cows, no longer raised pigs, and kept only chickens. At that time, Natasha and her sister did not understand the meaning of grandmother Irina’s words. But many years later, circumstances emerged that revealed the full meaning of what was said – but that is another story from Natasha’s adult life.

After the Chernobyl nuclear disaster, the village where grandmother Irina lived was subject to mandatory evacuation. At that time, her brother had just returned from the army. Natasha’s parents decided to take grandmother Irina in with them. Her brother continued to travel to Sherstin and even lived in the house for some time. Although the authorities forbade taking furniture and many items from the house, her brother nevertheless took several things.

The Parents’ New Summer House and Natasha’s Life There with Her Sister During the Summer

After grandmother Pelageya’s death, Natasha’s parents received a summer cottage plot and began building a temporary house while arranging the plot. Natasha and her sister spent the entire summer at the cottage. At the age of twelve, Natasha and her sister were already independently handling all household chores and preparing their own meals. They lived in an unfinished temporary shed – a small room with a kitchen – while construction of a permanent house began nearby. But this suited Natasha and her sister perfectly, as the cottage was the place where they could fully escape the torment of their brother, who never came there. While living at the cottage, they took full care of the garden, cultivating flowers, vegetables, and berries. They were the first among the local cottages to build a plastic greenhouse and achieved an unprecedented cucumber harvest in it. Their parents only visited on weekends, collected the harvest, and returned to the city. Natasha and her sister lived at the cottage with their dog Gemma, a mix of poodle and mongrel. Gemma was very funny and guarded the sisters at night from passersby.

During one of the rare visits by her brother to the cottage, he nearly set the under-construction house on fire. At that time, the parents were only beginning to build the cottage, and there was a lot of sawdust and insulation dust on the second floor. An iron bed stood there with an old mattress on it. Her brother rested on the bed and smoked. On that day, the entire family went back to the city. Upon arriving home, the neighbors called and reported that as soon as everyone left, smoke began pouring from the second-floor window. The neighbors broke in through the window and found the mattress on fire. They managed to quickly extinguish the fire before the house caught fire. Had the neighbors not been there, Natasha’s family would have returned to a pile of ashes.

School Years. Natasha’s Aptitude for Mathematics and the Exact Sciences

Fate had gifted Natasha not only with beauty but also with many talents. By the age of four, she could count to 100 and write. However, due to health problems, her parents sent her to school only at the age of eight, together with her sister. At the same time, Natasha enrolled in a music school for piano lessons, where she studied for about two years. Her first school teacher was Jewish. Natasha hardly attended the first three grades due to bronchial asthma, so her grades were low. Only from grades four to ten did she become an excellent student. Her class teacher was a woman named Tamara Alekseevna, not very attractive in appearance, who judged students based on appearances: “you are judged by your clothes.” Since Natasha’s family was not wealthy and lived very modestly by Soviet standards, the clothing of her and her sister reflected this. From the very first days, the teacher openly displayed a negative attitude toward Natasha and her sister. She treated everyone who did not meet her standards in the same way. Until the tenth grade and graduation, Natasha had strained relations with her. Until the eighth grade, Natasha excelled academically; no one doubted she would receive a Gold Medal, while her sister performed slightly worse. In the eighth grade, Natasha had a conflict with the class teacher, which seriously influenced the attitude of other teachers and, consequently, her grades, affecting her school certificate. Natasha believed that teachers should give grades based on knowledge, not on their personal attitude toward a student. In the school, the teaching staff was called the “Wasp Nest.” Falling into their disfavor meant a ruined certificate and, consequently, a poor recommendation. This played an important role in further studies and in how students were treated in secondary or higher education institutions. In Soviet times, a single spoiled recommendation could affect a citizen’s life for many years.

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