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“YOU’RE DEFINITELY PREGNANT,” Dr. Sarah Hillyer said as she moved the ultrasound wand over Tori’s stomach, pressing slightly. “If you look right there on the monitor, that’s your baby. While it’s not much yet, this is the outline of the head and this is the body.”
Tori’s breath caught in her throat. The black-and-white image wasn’t the sharpest, but she could make out what the doctor was showing her. There was life growing inside her.
“We’ll schedule you for another ultrasound before you leave today,” the doctor continued. “You’ll see a whole lot more then as it will be a more in-depth examination. This one just tells us that you aren’t going to be having multiples. You said the father was an identical twin and twins do run in families. From what I can tell, you’re just having one.”
“Wow,” Tori said simply, taking a final peek at the screen before the doctor removed the wand from her stomach.
“Quite incredible, isn’t it?” Dr. Hillyer said. “I see so many of these and I’m moved every time. Go ahead and get dressed, then meet me in my office.”
With that, she left the room and gave Tori her privacy.
Tori sat up and used the paper towels provided to wipe the gel off her stomach. Despite the positive pregnancy tests, Tori had still wondered if they hadn’t been wrong. The ultrasound, though, sealed it for her. She was going to be a mother. Although the image hadn’t looked like much, she was having a baby and it was depending on her for nourishment. She’d never been so happy or so humbled.
She dressed and went to the doctor’s personal office. Dr. Hillyer was already seated behind her huge mahogany desk. “Based on when you were taking the antibiotics for you infection and on the results of the ultrasound, I’m estimating your due date to be December 30. You just might have a New Year’s or a Christmas baby. All the doctors in our practice deliver their own babies, and I will be in town that week.” She grinned. “Try not to have it on a holiday, though, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Tori said, sensing the doctor was joking. Babies showed up when they chose and Tori had every intention of delivering naturally.
“Good. Here’s a prescription for prenatal vitamins. This next sheet I’m giving you is a list of the hospitals I deliver at. Most of them schedule tours of their maternity wards, so you’ll want to go visit them and decide which one you like best. Then let me know and we’ll get you pre-registered. That’s done about two months in advance.”
Dr. Hillyer handed over another sheet. “This one is a timetable of your office visits. I’ll see you once a month, then, as the date gets closer, we’ll schedule the appointments every two weeks, then weekly until the little one arrives. This last sheet is simply a list of symptoms to watch for. If you experience any of these, call my office immediately. Got that?”
“Got it,” Tori said. The doctor handed her a folder to put everything in.
Dr. Hillyer smiled. “Then, unless you have any other questions, you’re free to go. My nurse is Eileen Swikle. Ask for her whenever you call, and she’ll answer any questions you might have over the next six months. She’ll become your best friend through all this.”
“Thanks,” Tori said. She stood. “For now I’m good. Slightly overwhelmed, but good.”
“Understandable,” the doctor said with a nod. “First pregnancies are a learning experience. After that, the next one is a piece of cake. And you should know that you have no restrictions—sex, travel, working out. You’re free to indulge. Just remember no alcohol or smoking.”
“I don’t smoke and gave up drinking,” Tori said.
“Good girl,” Dr. Hillyer said, and with that, Tori was on her way to the scheduling desk, where she made her appointments through October. There was a moment when she turned a little queasy; the receptionist had a sliced turkey sandwich on her desk and for some reason the smell set Tori off. The woman quickly put it aside when she saw Tori go a little green.
Armed with her vitamin prescription and her folder, Tori left the office. As she stepped out into the afternoon sunshine, she sighed as the enormity of her pregnancy hit her. She’d seen her baby. This was actually happening.
Even though there had been definite lines on the pregnancy test, maybe the logical part of her hadn’t quite believed the results. The heat enveloped Tori as she hit the remote and unlocked her two-seater sports car. She loved the little convertible but she was going to have to trade it in for something more practical.
She slid onto the warm leather and ran her fingers across the steering wheel. She’d have to buy something with a back seat. She cringed as a minivan drove by the parking lot. No. She just couldn’t drive a minivan. Not yet. Surely there had to be something less “suburban mom.” She made a mental note to start researching what was out there.
Although it was hot enough to want to turn on the air conditioner and hide from the sun, Tori lowered the convertible top. She figured she might as well enjoy her toy a little longer. Her cell phone rang, and despite Jeff’s statistical lecture on why not to use it while driving, she popped in the earpiece and hit the connect button.
“Hey, I finished all my shopping, so I’m running early—I’m already here. Are you on your way?” Lauren asked.
“I just finished my last appointment, so I can head in that direction now,” Tori told her. Lauren had called last night and announced she was coming into town a day early for her aunt’s sixtieth birthday party. “Did you find a gift?”
“I did,” Lauren said. “It took me about five stores, but I finally found the right thing. This is the first real shopping I’ve done since having Hailey. A trip to the supermarket just doesn’t count.”
“I’m getting on the highway now. I’ll be there in thirty minutes, tops.” Tori accelerated, letting her hair blow as she made her way toward Country Club Plaza, Kansas City’s premier shopping area. Lauren was staying with her aunt, who lived nearby. Tori navigated the route easily and soon sat across from Lauren in one of the Plaza’s restaurants. The two ordered and were soon munching on appetizers as they discussed how Hailey was doing.
“Jeff says hi,” Lauren suddenly said, sliding in her words at a break in the conversation.
“Tell him I say hi, too,” Tori said, working to make her voice casual. She wasn’t sure how much Lauren knew. “Except for work, I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“He said you two were just friends now,” Lauren admitted. She watched Tori’s face carefully, looking for revealing expressions, but Tori remained matter-of-fact. “I wanted you to know that I hope you and I can always remain friends.”
“Of course we can,” Tori insisted. She took another bite of her salad and waved her fork in the air. “It’s better this way. Relationships just don’t work out when you’re in two different cities. Besides, it was probably time for both of us to move on.”
“It’s good you two can be friends,” Lauren noted.
“We were always friends first,” Tori said. At least that much was true. She took a drink of her water. Lauren was having a glass of wine and she took a sip, rolling the merlot she’d ordered over her tongue.
“Enjoying that?” Tori said, realizing that it would be at least another nine months before anything alcoholic touched her lips.
“Oh yes, I am,” Lauren said as she took another sip. “I never drink anything but water when I’m out with Hailey, so being out with another adult female means I can indulge a little.” She stabbed a piece of the thinly cut beef that topped her blue-cheese-and-steak salad. “This is good,” she said. “And the company is great, too.”
“Thanks,” Tori said. “You gave me an excuse to get away from the office.” With Lauren’s visit and the doctor’s appointment, Tori had taken the afternoon off.
“So how’s work?” Lauren asked.
“We won a major contract to redo Fredrikberg Finance’s network. They’re a loan brokerage with ten offices all over the city. We haven’t had a glitch during the procedure, but their president calls me every day anyway for reassurance.”
“Well, you look healthy,” Lauren said. “You’ve got a glow about you I haven’t seen before, so Kansas City must be agreeing with you.”
“It is,” Tori said. At least her job was.
After having dinner last night, Tori had decided to bite the bullet and tell her mother and stepfather about the baby.
Surprisingly the conversation had gone quite well. They’d quickly hidden any disappointment that there wasn’t a husband to go along with the baby and offered whatever help she required. When she thought about it, Tori realized her parents were quite excited they were going to have a grandchild.
So far she’d told no one else, although she now decided to call her friends. She still hadn’t decided what to say to Jeff. Tori took another bite of her salad. She’d given up all fattening foods the day of the pregnancy test, opting for only the healthiest things available. When she felt hungry, she munched on saltines or rice cakes. She missed chocolate-chip cookies terribly, but she was determined not to swell up to the size of a hot-air balloon.
“Earth to Tori,” Lauren said.
“Sorry,” Tori said. “My mind has been processing so much lately that sometimes it just shuts down.”
“I was like that when I was pregnant,” Lauren said. “It was as if, in utero, Hailey was absorbing all my brain cells. Justin called me a flake.”
“He didn’t,” Tori said, laughing.
“He did,” Lauren admitted with an expression of mock horror. “I only let him get away with it because he indulged all my strange cravings. I would want fried pickles, for instance, and he’d drive to O’Leary’s and get them. He’d even get me Ted Drewes or Fritz’s concretes at all odd hours. I also craved mashed potatoes and fajitas. The poor guy didn’t have a home-cooked meal for months.”
“I don’t cook very much, and I can’t stand sliced turkey anymore,” Tori said. “I just look at it now and want to puke.” Although the ice cream treats Lauren had just mentioned sounded heavenly.
Lauren’s expression turned quizzical. “I was that way with scrambled eggs. I couldn’t even be in the same room and smell them.”
“I’m fine with eggs,” Tori said, before she caught herself. What was she doing discussing cravings with Lauren, who didn’t even know she was pregnant? Now she had to use the ladies’ room. While she’d heard trips to the bathroom became more frequent as the baby grew, maybe it was also psychological. Or perhaps it was due to the eight glasses of water she consumed every day. “Excuse me a second,” she said, rising and heading to the restroom.
When she returned, Lauren was staring at her strangely. “So why haven’t you told Jeff you’re expecting?” she asked.
“What?” Tori slid into the seat and paused. “I’m not pregnant.”
“Then what would you call it?” Lauren asked. She pushed her blond hair behind her ears. “You forget that both my aunt and my mother work for obstetricians. I can spot a pregnant woman a mile away.”
Tori winced. She should have kept her mouth shut about her cravings.
“So, which doctor are you seeing?” Lauren asked.
“Dr. Hillyer,” Tori admitted, willing herself to keep her eyes open. At this moment she wanted nothing more than to close them and hide from the impending cloud of doom. Dropping through the floor was another option, if the tiles would be gracious enough to open up.
“When are you due?” Lauren asked.
“December thirtieth.”
“And Jeff’s the father and he’s in the dark,” Lauren continued.
“I just had my first visit with the doctor today,” Tori said. She fiddled with the cloth napkin. “I wanted to be sure I was pregnant before causing any undue excitement. You know how many things can go wrong in the first trimester.”
“You have to tell him,” Lauren said. She twirled her wineglass between her fingers, the red liquid swirling. She frowned before adding, “He has a right to know.”
“Yes, I know he does. And I will tell him,” Tori said. “Just not yet. I want to get a few other things sorted out on my end. But I promise that I’ll speak to him. Sometime. It’s better this way.”
“For who? You?” Lauren shook her head. “The longer you wait the worse it’s going to be. At some point he’s going to find out. He’s not stupid. He’s quite able to put two and two together. And can you imagine how he’s going to feel? He’ll want to be involved from the very beginning. You’d be keeping his child away from him.”
“It’s my child, too,” Tori said. “I want things sorted on my end first.”
“Yes, but you should allow him to be involved. He’s like his brother that way. Justin went to my checkups. He visited the hospitals with me. He went to my sono-gram appointments and held my hand when I gave blood. He did the grocery shopping when I was too tired. He even organized and helped fix up the nursery.”
“I can do that on my own,” Tori said stubbornly. “I’ve been taking care of myself for years and I’m sure I’ll be fine doing it pregnant. You and I both know that Jeff is much too busy. He’s out of town as we speak. He’s a nomad. I don’t want that life. I’m not settling for a man who’s never around. He and I talked long ago about our relationship—he wants sex, I want marriage. He’s admitted he’s not ready to settle down and pretty much indicated that if he were, it wouldn’t be with me. He doesn’t see me that way. I’m keeping my baby, but I’m not having it to trap him. The last thing I want is to win Jeff Wright because of his misguided sense of guilt.”
A silence fell for a few moments. “I’m sorry if that sounded harsh,” Tori said. “I have a lot on my plate. I agree he should be involved, but we’re over. I need to be the one to set the parameters of how involved he’s going to be. I’m not going back to the way it was.”
“And I can respect that,” Lauren said. “I believe a child should know both parents even if living together isn’t in the best interests of the parents.”
“In this case, it wouldn’t be good for either of us,” Tori said. “I was moving on with my life when this happened. I’m simply praying that Jeff will understand that we shouldn’t be together.”
“You don’t think he’ll make a good father, do you?” Lauren asked, as if she’d gained sudden insight into the workings of Tori’s mind.
“No, I have to admit I don’t,” Tori acknowledged. “I want what my mother has. I want what you and Justin have. Jeff, well, he’s got two priorities—work and his computer. You thought you were in love with Jeff once. You know exactly how single-minded he can be. It’s like he has tunnel vision.”
“I do know, and what I felt for him was a misguided crush,” Lauren said, clarifying the situation. “Justin quickly straightened me out. Okay, not so quickly. But Jeff and I aren’t compatible. You and he are. All of us can see that. You’re perfect for him.”
“Only because I put up with his nonsense longer than anyone else,” Tori said.
“Perhaps,” Lauren agreed. “But he talks about you all the time. I know he cares about you, and cares deeply.”
“He does care,” Tori said. “That’s never been an issue. But he cares for me the way he used to care for you—in that just-friends sense, only with me sex was added. While we may be great in bed, that’s not enough to make a marriage.”
“But what if he loved you?”
“He doesn’t. And I want the kind of love and affection that you and Justin share. The kind everyone can see. That’s not us. We didn’t do anything but sit around and watch movies. We were a couple, sort of. I’m tired of sort of. That’s why I called off the relationship and accepted this promotion. I want a husband who adores me and I can’t have that with Jeff. I need to take off the blinders so I can search for the right someone—someone who will be there forever. I’m not settling or marrying anyone until I’ve found that.”
“If you could see Jeff with Hailey, you wouldn’t even recognize him. He’s so good with her. She practically jumps out of my arms when she sees him,” Lauren defended.
“She probably thinks he’s Justin,” Tori said skeptically. She bit her lip. “Sorry. That was mean.”
Lauren shook her head. “It was, but I’ll forgive you because it’s a valid point and I worried about that myself. They are uncannily alike, but Hailey knows the difference. When they’re in the same room she goes to Justin and says Dada. She knows who Jeff is and who he’s not. You can tell that she loves her uncle very much, but she adores her father.”
Tori settled back against the chair. While deep down she wanted nothing more than the unconditional belief that Jeff would make an excellent father, he was terrible at expressing his feelings. “Yes, but Jeff’s great one-on-one like that. He keeps everyone in a certain compartment. He’s not with a child constantly. It’s like when he’s with me. We’re great in short bursts, but long-term, all day, every day? We’d be hating each other by the end of two weeks and that’s if we were lucky.”
“I think you’d be surprised. I thought life would be that way with Justin, but it wasn’t,” Lauren said. The two women had finished eating and Tori waved away the waiter’s offer of dessert.
“I’d like to be surprised, but I don’t believe I will be,” Tori said. “There’s too much history between us. The last thing I want is for us to marry and end up hating each other. Good things come to those who wait. I’m not afraid of being alone until the right man comes along.”
“You won’t be alone. You’ll be a mother,” Lauren pointed out.
“True,” Tori said. And her family had promised to help and support her. Even though she wouldn’t be in a relationship, everything was going to be fine. “I will tell him soon,” Tori promised. “Just say you won’t speak to him before I do.”
“Fine,” Lauren said. “I won’t. But if you don’t tell him in a few weeks, expect a phone call from me. This is not a secret I like keeping, but because we’re friends and have been since long before I married Justin, I’ll give you some time to sort things out. I can understand you wanting to make sure you’ve got your own thoughts straightened out, but don’t wait too long. You need to let him know before he finds out from someone else. You’ll be showing soon. Office workers talk. Don’t make him find out through the grapevine.”
“I won’t,” Tori assured her. “Just a few more weeks and I’ll figure out a way to tell him.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” Lauren said. The matter settled, Tori and Lauren talked about other things until the check arrived, hugged each other goodbye and promised to keep in touch.
It wasn’t until Tori was in her car that she realized the full extent of her mistake. She’d been so intent on making sure Lauren didn’t tell Jeff, Tori had forgotten all about his twin. Lauren hadn’t promised not to tell Justin. Tori had to hope and trust that Lauren’s promise extended to her husband as well.
HER PHONE RANG as she merged into traffic on the way home. “Hi, Lisa.”
“Hey!” Lisa said. “I’m not catching you at a bad time, am I? I wanted you to know that Mark and I set a date. What are you doing the second weekend of August?”
“Coming to St. Louis?” Tori guessed. “Walking down the aisle?”
Lisa laughed. “Yes on both counts. I need you for the first two weekends in August, if you can get away from the office. There’s a shower for me the weekend before the wedding and we’re getting married the next. The reception is at Mark’s parents’ house. You don’t have a Neiman-Marcus department store in Kansas City, do you?”
“I’ll check the Web site, but right now I’d say no.”
“Rats. You’ll love the dresses and don’t worry, they’re really reasonable. Anyway, Cecile’s getting measured at the store on Michigan Avenue, so why don’t you come here? How’s this weekend?”
“I’m actually going to be in St. Louis next Monday for a meeting with Jared. How about we meet after that?” Tori suggested. “I’m coming in on Sunday anyway.”
“Only if you come in earlier so we can do dinner, too,” Lisa said. “Joann’s going to be in town this weekend, as well, so we can all get together like old times.”
“Twist my arm.” Tori laughed. “You know how much I like to eat. So put this Sunday on your calendar and send me an e-mail confirmation. I should remember, but I’m driving and don’t have a hand free to pencil it in.”
“That’s why you sound like you’re in a tunnel,” Lisa said with a chuckle. “I’ll do it right now. So will you be bringing anyone new to the wedding?”
“No,” Tori said. “Haven’t met anyone.”
“Well, Mark has some single friends who are flying in. One of them can serve as your date. Just as friends. No matchmaking.”
“Only if you promise.”
“Still doing the Internet dating thing?” Lisa asked.
Tori put her blinker on and switched lanes. “About to give it up. I never found anyone interesting. E-mail me all the information about the dress and the wedding events and I’ll put it on my calendar. I’ll see you this weekend.”
“I’ll do that today,” Lisa promised.
“You’re happy, aren’t you?” Tori asked.
“Very,” Lisa said, not missing a beat. Tori could hear the contentment in her friend’s voice.
“Good,” Tori said, satisfied that Lisa had made the right choice. She wanted nothing more than for Lisa to be happy for the rest of her life.
Tori disconnected and hit the on-ramp for the highway. This weekend she’d tell both Joann and Lisa about the baby. She hadn’t wanted to tell Lisa over the phone. She knew her friends well enough to know that face-to-face chats were always best for news such as this.
Chapter Four
“You’re kidding me. I did hear you right, didn’t I? You’re pregnant.”
Tori averted her gaze and toyed with her iced tea, using the long spoon to create a tiny whirlpool in the tall glass. She was sitting in the Meyers’ four-season room, surrounded only by Joann and Lisa. Instead of dining out, Joann’s husband, Kyle, and brother, Mark, who was also Lisa’s fiancé, had barbecued. The men had since gone inside to watch the Cardinals baseball game, leaving the women to socialize.
Joann gazed at Tori. “You cannot go silent now. My ears are not shot from having kids. I believe you said you’re pregnant.”
“I did,” Tori said slowly. “You heard me correctly. Nothing’s wrong with your ears.”
“No, but something is wrong with your mouth. You didn’t say anything to us until today,” Lisa jumped in. “How long have you known? You should have called when you first suspected.”
“How far along are you?” Joann asked. She’d lifted her water goblet to her lips.
“My due date’s December thirtieth,” Tori said.
“Oh my God,” Lisa said, her jaw dropping as she worked the math. She frowned. “That means you got pregnant—”
“Back in April sometime,” Joann finished. She tapped her glass with a manicured nail. “That’s an awful long time ago. I’m sure you had quite a few opportunities to spill the beans and share what was going on.”
“I know,” Tori said. She crossed and uncrossed her legs. She wore shorts and a casual sweater.
“So, spill,” Lisa commanded. “We’re a little disappointed that we’re finding out weeks later so you better tell us why and how—all the details. We’re your best friends. We could have been there for you.”
“Right,” Joann said. She brushed some lint off her camp shirt. “That’s the real reason we’re all so frustrated. We haven’t been able to be a part of this with you. We’ve already drifted so much, and it’s news like this that keeps us together.”
“I didn’t even know until I was about eight weeks along,” Tori said, which was the truth. Her friends nodded, encouraging her to continue. “I had some spotting after the first four weeks and then no period after the next month. That’s when I finally went and bought a test. Stress has thrown off my cycles before and I had just moved to Kansas City and, well, after the test I wanted to wait until I saw the doctor before I announced anything. I didn’t want to be like Alicia.” Tori mentioned one of their sorority sisters.
“I remember that. She thought she was pregnant, went out and told everyone and then the doctor said she wasn’t,” Lisa said. “She cried for days.”