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Caleb frowned.
“You can’t take that hard a line,” Matt said.
“A teenage boy needs his dad. I’d have given anything to have my old man show up in my life when I was Eli’s age,” TJ said. He had a lot of time to make up for, and he had no intention of letting Sage or anyone else stop him.
“They need their mom too,” Caleb said.
TJ knew that. But he didn’t want to admit it right now. He wanted to hold on to his anger at Sage for a while.
“She can have visitation,” he said. “That’s more than she gave me.”
“Could you move to Seattle?” Matt asked.
“The Whiskey Bay school is top-notch,” TJ countered. “So is the area hospital. And the lifestyle can’t be beat.” He couldn’t imagine a more perfect place to raise a child.
“The neighbors are pretty good,” Caleb said with a half smile.
“It’s not like I don’t have the room.”
His wife, Lauren, had wanted several children. She’d designed a six-bedroom house with a massive recreation area in the basement for rainy days and a nanny suite over the garage. She’d been trying to get pregnant when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
“I can’t see it being that straightforward.” There was a cautionary note to Matt’s voice.
“Nothing’s that straightforward,” TJ said. “But I’m a determined and resourceful man.”
“She’s the mother of your child.”
“And I’m the father of hers—a fact she seems to have conveniently ignored.”
“Do you know why?” Caleb asked. “Why she kept it from you? I mean, she could easily have come after you for child support.”
“She wouldn’t have had to come after me. I’d have stepped up without a fight.”
“I know. I know. But you’d think she’d have wanted your help.”
TJ knew the whole truth would eventually come out. His friends were too astute, and they cared too much about him to let him get away with a vague explanation. It was both a blessing and a curse.
TJ took the plunge. “She said I didn’t deserve to know about Eli.”
“Why?” Caleb’s question was perfectly predictable.
“Because it was a prank.”
Both of his friends looked at him blankly.
“Prom night.” TJ gritted his teeth at the memory. “A group of us, the seniors on the football team, we each picked a girl’s name out of a hat. I picked Sage.”
“I’m guessing they weren’t the girls on the cheerleading squad,” Matt said. His disappointment in TJ was obvious.
TJ knew he deserved that. “Not the cheerleading squad. They were the nerds, the brains. It was supposed to be a kiss, only a dance and a kiss. That was it. But Sage...”
He remembered the overpowering rush of adolescent hormones. He couldn’t say what it was about her. She had been thin and freckled, with this wild red hair. But when he’d kissed her, she’d kissed him back, and they’d both been left breathless. His car had been far too close to the side door of the gym, and they’d ended up in the back seat.
“We can fill in the rest,” Caleb said.
“I tracked her down the next day to apologize. But she’d already heard about the prank. She was enraged, punched me square in the chest.” TJ’s hand went reflexively to the spot where her small fist had connected. “She told me she never wanted to speak to me again.”
“You can’t blame her,” Matt said.
“It was stupid and cruel, I know. But I only planned to kiss her. The rest of it was on both of us. It was more than just consensual. And she’s kept my son from me for nine years. The two things don’t even compare.”
Two
A week later, mere hours after the transplant procedure, Sage expected to find TJ lounging in his hospital bed. But he was up and halfway dressed, reaching his arms into a crisp white dress shirt.
“Should you be out of bed?” she asked, stepping past the curtain.
“The nurse took the IV out a few minutes ago.”
“But you just had surgery.”
“I’m aware of that.” He adjusted his collar and shifted the lapels across what she’d noted was a magnificently muscular chest.
“You must be sore.” She couldn’t believe he’d bounce back this fast.
“Only my hip. Dr. Stannis says it’ll disappear in a few days. Hanging around here isn’t going to help any.”
“Can you drive?” Sage asked.
She didn’t know where he was staying, but she wanted to be sure he got safely back to his hotel. It was the least she could do—the very least she could do for the man who may have saved her son’s life.
“They didn’t serve liquor in the operating room.”
“You know what I mean. You must be woozy.”
“It’s not too bad.” He finished doing up his buttons. “I’m not crazy about anesthetic. I like my brain cells too much.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” She struggled to keep her emotions at bay. “Thank you, TJ.”
He sent her a sharp gaze, trapping hers for a long second. “You don’t have to thank me. He’s my son. You don’t ever have to thank me for helping my son.”
It would be a struggle for her to get used to that. She’d had Eli to herself for such a long time, she couldn’t imagine letting anyone else into their circle.
“I need you to understand that, Sage.”
“You’re going to have to give me some time.”
“I’ve already wasted nine years.” TJ took a pewter-gray blazer from a hanger on the wall and put it on over his designer outfit.
She was terrified to ask him what he had in mind. She didn’t want to have that conversation. “They’re watching Eli for signs of rejection,” she said instead.
“Anything yet?” TJ asked.
“It’s too soon to tell. Are you staying in Seattle overnight?”
Again, he pasted her with the sharp look. “I’m staying here as long as it takes.”
“Takes to what?”
He turned his back to her, punching a code into a small safe on the wall and retrieving his wallet and keys. Then he faced her and deposited the wallet into his inside jacket pocket. He kept the keys in his hand.
“I’ve been thinking,” he said.
She worriedly searched his expression for a clue. “About...”
“I’d like to move Eli to Highside Hospital.”
The words blindsided her. “What? Where?”
“It’s near Whiskey Bay. It’s state-of-the-art—”
“No.”
“Hear me out.”
Protective instincts rose inside her, along with a healthy dose of fear. “You’re not taking Eli out of Seattle.”
“It’s the best place for him. I’ve donated to Highside for years, and they have the best doctors, the best technology, he’d be—”
“St. Bea’s is a fantastic hospital.”
“It’s a public hospital.”
Her tone went up in defense. “So what?”
“So, they’re busy, overworked, stretched for resources.”
“They’ve given Eli everything he needs. They diagnosed him. They found you.” She stopped, realizing TJ’s unique role in Eli’s recovery might not be her strongest argument.
“I was in the registry. Any hospital would have found me.”
“I don’t want him moved.” She needed to be close to her son while he recovered.
Whiskey Bay was three hours away. She’d missed so much time at work these past weeks, she couldn’t take much more off. She’d planned to work as many hours as she could while Eli was recovering.
“It’ll free up a bed for someone who desperately needs it,” TJ said.
“What part of no don’t you understand?”
“What part of father don’t you understand?”
“He can’t be moved yet.” She realized her best argument was the medical one.
“I’m not talking about today, or even tomorrow. But as soon as he’s strong enough, we can hire a medical helicopter. It’ll take thirty minutes, tops.”
“Just like that?” She resisted an urge to snap her fingers.
“Just like what?”
“You’ll hire a helicopter.”
“It’s fast. It’ll be comfortable. The onboard medics are equipped for anything.”
“It’ll cost a fortune.”
His expression was a study in incomprehension. “It’s my son’s health we’re talking about.”
She was back in high school again. “You’re still the big man, aren’t you?”
His nostrils flared, but he didn’t answer.
“The star athlete, the guy who got anything he wanted, grants, scholarships, the best parties, all the girls.”
TJ opened his mouth, but she didn’t let him interrupt.
“The wide receiver with the magic hands, who was going all-state, who could write his own ticket.”
“I’m not going to apologize for getting a college degree.”
Sage felt like a knife had been shoved into her heart. She’d given up countless scholarship offers to raise Eli.
“I earned my money,” TJ continued. “I’m spending it on my son.”
She stepped forward. “Your son doesn’t need it.”
“You want to fight me on this?”
Sage was about to say yes, when the curtain was whisked open.
Dr. Stannis appeared. She looked TJ up and down and smiled. “Nice bounce-back.”
“I’ve been through worse,” he said. “How’s Eli?”
“He’s still in recovery. We’re going to keep him there for a few more hours. Do you feel ready for discharge?”
“Absolutely. When can we see him?”
“Later tonight.” Dr. Stannis glanced at her watch. “Nine-ish? But he’ll still be pretty groggy until morning.”
“We’ll come back at nine.”
Sage was about to protest that she wasn’t leaving.
“Make sure you get plenty of fluids,” Dr. Stannis said to TJ.
“Is there a good restaurant nearby?”
It took Sage a second to realize the question was for her. “I’m, uh, not sure.”
He looked puzzled.
She wasn’t about to explain to Mr. Moneybags Helicopter Charter that she normally brought snacks from home to save money over eating in the hospital cafeteria. Forget restaurants. They weren’t even on her radar.
“The Red Grill is just down the road,” Dr. Stannis said. “It gets good reviews from families of our patients.”
“Done,” TJ said. He motioned for Sage to go first.
She didn’t understand.
“I’m buying,” he told her. “We have to eat.”
“Fluids,” Dr. Stannis said. “For both of you.” She gave Sage a pointed look.
They’d had a few conversations about the fact that Sage had lost some weight these past weeks.
“Does Cabernet Sauvignon count?” TJ asked with a teasing smile.
“Only in moderation.” Dr. Stannis waved her pen. “Water’s better. Tea would be perfect.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And make sure Sage eats.”
TJ looked down at Sage with a curious expression. “Anything in particular?”
“Calories.”
“Lasagna it is,” he said.
“I don’t like lasagna.” Sage did like lasagna, but she was still thrown off balance by TJ’s determination to move Eli to a different hospital. And she resented the way he was organizing her dinner.
“Then order something else,” he said easily. “They’ll have a menu.”
“I’m aware of how restaurants work.”
“Good. Then you won’t mind taking advantage of one. You are a little thin.”
“I’m not thin.” She was conveniently ignoring the fact that her favorite jeans were sagging at her waist.
“I didn’t mean it as an insult.”
“Your opinion means nothing to me.”
Dr. Stannis broke in. “And I will see you two later.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” TJ gave her hand a warm shake with both of his.
Sage wished she could hug the doctor, but she settled for shaking as well. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re most welcome.” Dr. Stannis’s sincerity was unquestionable. “Go take care of yourself for a couple of hours. Eli is in excellent hands.”
“I know,” Sage said.
She had complete confidence in the staff at St. Bea’s. There wasn’t a reason in the world for TJ to move Eli anywhere else.
* * *
The Red Grill turned out to have a Southwest flair, with bright colors and lively music in the dining room. The hostess seated them on the patio, which was quieter. She quickly brought them glasses of iced tea and tortilla chips with guacamole.
The pain in TJ’s hip was getting worse, but he didn’t want to muddle his thinking with any more painkillers. He pushed the tortilla chips toward Sage, but she shook her head.
“Doctor’s orders,” he said.
She gave him a glare but took a chip and bit down on it.
TJ had so many things to ask her, he barely knew where to start. “Do you have any pictures of Eli?”
She set the chip on her side plate. “I do.” She dug into her small bag and retrieved her phone, opening the photo app.
When she handed it over, TJ got the first look at his infant son. The pain in his hip faded as he took in the smiling, cherubic baby.
“How old is he here?” TJ asked.
“Six months in that first one.”
He stared at the picture for a long time.
“Are you ready to order?” the waitress interrupted.
“We’ll need a few minutes,” Sage answered for them.
TJ flipped to the next picture. Toddler Eli was standing in a yard, petting a black Lab that was taller than him.
“You have a dog?” TJ asked.
“No. They’re not allowed in our basement suite. Beaumont belonged to a friend. Eli loves animals. He talked me into a gerbil once.”
“What happened?”
“He played with it every day, but it was kind of sad. It just wasn’t the same as having a dog to walk and play fetch with. Eventually, the gerbil died and, well, we weren’t really supposed to have it in the first place. And I didn’t want to get evicted, so we never got another.”
“A boy deserves a dog.” TJ could remember how badly he’d wanted a dog when he was a boy.
“A boy deserves a roof over his head,” Sage retorted.
TJ looked up from the screen to see her annoyed expression. “I didn’t mean that as a criticism.”
“I tried, TJ.”
“I know you did. I’m sure you did. I don’t understand why you didn’t contact me.”
“Well, I’m not going to explain it all over again.”
The waitress arrived once more.
“I’ll take a beef burrito,” TJ said, not wanting to bother reading the menu and not caring what he ate.
“The same,” Sage said, and the waitress departed.
“You didn’t look at the menu,” he noted.
“Just so long as it’s not lasagna.”
He couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. He flipped to the next picture.
Eli was in front of a birthday cake covered in blue icing and decorated with mini balloons. There were three candles on the cake, and he was grinning ear to ear.
“His birthday?” TJ asked, although it was pretty obvious.
Sage nodded.
Eli had dark, slightly wavy hair, just like TJ’s. There was a familiarity in his eyes and in his slightly crooked smile. TJ’s chest was tight. His heart was expanding to fill every crack and crevice behind his rib cage.
He had a son—his own son. He’d missed so much of Eli’s life.
He moved to the next picture, but it blurred in front of his eyes. “I deserve a chance to catch up.”
She looked like she wanted to argue. But then she looked like she didn’t have it in her.
“I know,” she said. “You can see him as much as you want. I won’t try to stop you.”
“I want him at Highside Hospital.”
This time, she shook her head, and he could see the steel determination in her eyes. “That’s not possible. He needs me. He needs me there every day.”
“You can stay in Whiskey Bay.” The problem was hardly insurmountable.
“I have a job, TJ. I can appreciate this is a huge adjustment for you, but—”
“Adjustment? You call what I’m going through an adjustment?” He shifted in his chair, and pain shot through his hip. He struggled to keep his expression neutral.
“You’re in pain,” she said. “Should we go back to the hospital?”
“No!” He lowered his voice. “We should eat. Starving yourself isn’t going to help Eli.”
Her jaw clenched tight. “Are you going to give me parenting advice?”
“I’m not.” He leaned forward to make his point. “Because I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent, thanks to you.”
“I just apologized.”
“You think that cuts it?” He realized his tone was growing louder, and he forced himself to take a beat. They were both raw and tired, and sniping at each other wasn’t going to help anything.
Their burritos arrived, along with condiments and utensils.
He slid her phone back across the table. “Thank you for showing me the pictures.”
She looked like she wanted to say something more, but she stayed silent.
“You should eat,” he told her.
She gave a jerky nod.
He flagged down the waitress. “Can I get a shot of tequila?”
“Painkillers would work better,” Sage said.
“It’s not for the pain.”
They ate in silence for a while.
Despite everything, TJ couldn’t help but think it was good she was eating something. He might not agree with her decision to keep him in the dark, but she’d obviously been through a lot taking care of a sick child all on her own.
Then it occurred to him that she might not be on her own. She didn’t wear a wedding ring, and her last name remained the same, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t in a relationship, or even married for that matter.
“Are you single?” he asked bluntly.
Her eyes widened in obvious surprise.
“Is there a man, somebody in your and Eli’s lives?” he elaborated. It would certainly give her a good reason for keeping TJ out of the picture.
“No. There’s nobody. It’s just me and Eli.” There was an echo of loneliness in the statement.
“Your family?”
He didn’t know if she had siblings. He didn’t recall any from high school. But it was a pretty big place, and he certainly hadn’t known the entire student body.
“My parents died a few years ago. Not that they were in the picture anyway.”
“Did they live out of state?”
“No. They cut me out of their lives. They didn’t want me to keep Eli.”
TJ’s horror was instant.
“They wanted me to give him up for adoption.”
“Why?”
“They weren’t willing to help me with him and they didn’t think I could do it on my own. But they were wrong.” Her gaze was firm on him. “I walked out of the house at six months pregnant and never saw them again.”
She should have contacted him. Why on earth hadn’t she contacted him?
“It was the right choice,” she continued. “For all our struggles, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
He couldn’t seem to stop himself. “I wish you’d done some things different.”
Her knuckles appeared white as she gripped her knife and fork. “I can’t go back in time, TJ.”
“I know.” He’d lost his appetite, but he forced himself to keep eating.
They could only go forward. And for that, he needed to be at his strongest. If there was anything on earth he could do to help Eli, he was going to do it.
* * *
Sage fought the urge to take TJ’s hand. It was an irrational urge, since their relationship for the past twenty-four hours could best be described as an armed truce. But her nerves were strung tight as they waited for Dr. Stannis to bring them Eli’s test results.
The guest chairs in Dr. Stannis’s office were jade-green leather. They were cushioned and comfortable. The room was decorated in muted earth tones, a painting here, some pottery there. It didn’t look sterile, not like a waiting room. She couldn’t help but imagine it was designed to keep people calm, people like her who were waiting for life-and-death results, or who were hearing the worst kind of news.
“Hey.” TJ’s tone was soft, and he was the one who took her hand.
She turned to look at him.
“Don’t do that to yourself,” he said.
He gave her hand a squeeze, which inexplicably made her feel better.
“It’s going to be all good,” he said.
“You don’t know that.” Her voice was dry, high-pitched. She tried to swallow, but she couldn’t.
He came out of the chair, on one knee in front of her, taking both her hands in his. “Positive thoughts,” he said, his voice as gentle as she’d ever heard.
She managed a nod, but she was terrified to be optimistic, as if karma would reach out and smack her if she dared to hope.
The door opened, and Dr. Stannis entered the room. “I won’t keep you in suspense,” she said briskly, breezing toward her desk. “The results are what we were hoping for. There are no signs of rejection or infection at this point.”
Sage thought she might faint with relief.
Before she could move, TJ’s arms were around her. He drew her to her feet and hugged her tight.
“Yes,” his deep voice hissed next to her ear. “Yes.”
His body was strong and solid against hers, warm and welcoming. She was suddenly transported back ten years, to their dance, their kiss, the acute and unexplainable feeling she’d had of coming home, like she belonged in TJ’s arms, like she’d been waiting her whole life to be held by him.
She hadn’t been able to let go then, and she didn’t want to let go now. It was a frightening feeling, and she tried to pull back.
TJ didn’t seem to want to let her go either. He held on tight for long seconds before breaking his grip.
“He did it,” he said.
“You did it,” Sage said.
At the moment, she didn’t care who TJ was, what he’d done in the past or what he might do in the future. He’d saved her son, and she owed him everything.
“He needs to get his strength back,” Dr. Stannis said.
Sage felt a dampness on her cheek and swiped at it with the back of her hand. She hadn’t even realized she was crying.
“And we’ll have to carefully monitor his T cells. Infection is still a very serious concern.” Dr. Stannis dropped into her high-backed chair. “But at this point, all signs are positive.”
TJ eased Sage back into her chair and then took his own.
“How long until he can come home?” she asked. She couldn’t wait to have Eli back in his own bed.
“Normally, we’d wait a week,” Dr. Stannis said. “But in Eli’s case, I’m recommending two.”
Sage’s euphoria disappeared. “Something is wrong?”
“The chemo was very hard on him. And we’ve already fought one infection. He’s young, and his body has been through a lot.”
“Are you sure that’s all?”
“I would tell you if there was anything else.”
“What about another hospital?” TJ asked.
Sage wanted to shout no.
Dr. Stannis switched her attention to TJ. “What do you mean?”
“Highside Hospital, on the coast.”
“They’re top-notch. There’s no doubt about that,” Dr. Stannis said.
“I’m affiliated with them,” TJ said. “They’re world renowned. I want to do everything possible to support his recovery.”
Dr. Stannis looked at Sage. “Medically speaking, yes, he could be moved there.”
“He’d have a private room,” TJ said to Sage. “It would be quieter for him while he recovered. Their equipment is state-of-the-art. If Eli came down with an infection or any other complication, he’d be in the best possible facility.”
Sage’s hands began to shake. “He wouldn’t have his mother.”
“You’d come with him. They have a residential facility for parents. You can stay there the whole time free of charge.”
“I have a job,” Sage protested. There was no way she could take another two weeks off. “After he’s out, once he’s better, the two of you can—”
“This isn’t about me seeing him.” TJ’s tone was firm. “This is about Eli getting the best care. The nurse-to-patient ratio in Highside is the lowest in the country. They have a pediatric ICU, an extensive on-site laboratory system, and they’re an oncology teaching facility.”
Dr. Stannis rose to her feet. “I’ll leave the two of you to talk.”
“One more question,” TJ said to Dr. Stannis.
“Of course.”
“If Eli was your son, would you choose St. Bea’s or Highside?”
Dr. Stannis’s hesitation and her guilty look in Sage’s direction answered the question.
“I have to be honest,” Dr. Stannis said. “Highside is unrivaled for patient care and outcomes.”