Play It Again, Sahm
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You are an amazing, gutsy, tough-as-nails, I’m-in-awe, totally correct, couldn’t-have-said-it-better-myself, wish-I’d-have-said-it-first, love you to pieces…girrrrrrl!!!
Z
From: Hannah FarrellI sort of like don’t really agree—with either Rosamund or Brenda. I think it’s better to just not do all those mean things to our kids in the first place. Then we don’t have to worry about messing them up. And there’s lots and lots of books about child development that will explain everything you need to know about what kids need.
Most moms have trouble with that because they aren’t focusing on their kids like they should. I’m totally into hanging out with friends and stuff, but my little Boaz always comes first. ’Cause I’m his mommy and that’s what mommies do— I’m the center of his world, and as long as he feels secure about that, he won’t ever have any problems.
I’m always into keeping it simple, you know? And it doesn’t get more simple than that—just being there for them. All the time, any time.
Hannah
From: Rosalyn EbberlyHannah,
Thank you so much for sharing that incredible nugget of wisdom. I’m very impressed with the depth of the insight you’ve gained from just two months of motherhood and a handful of parenting books. We must never underestimate the power of the written word combined with our own deep maternal instincts. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before—all I have to do to make my children happy is be everything to them! It really is that simple. Thanks, honey. You’ve changed the entire course of my life.
ROSALYN
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Hannah FarrellReally? Wow! I’m SOOOO relieved. I was afraid you’d all be like ticked off at me for disagreeing with you. I really DO love my books—everything I know about kids comes straight off those pages. Since you were so interested in them, I posted a list of them in the loop files.
The newest book I have is about how to educate infants. I’m going to teach Boaz sign language so he won’t ever feel frustrated about not being able to communicate his needs. Then we can avoid all those nasty temper tantrums later on.
And the book also talks about how important it is to make good faces at our babies. Did you know that if you frown and talk to a baby in an angry tone of voice before they’re two years old, it will cause brain damage? I’m totally serious! So this book says you should always approach your baby with a big smile on your face, even if he’s crying. Otherwise, you could scar a kid for life!!!
Gotta go— Boaz needs me to grin at him some more. Sometimes I just sit and smile at him for a half hour at a time. I’m hoping it will make up for any frowns he might have accidentally seen on other people.
Hannah
From: Marianne HaustenDid anyone else find this idea a bit creepy? Reminds me of a clown. I was terrified of clowns when I was little.
Marianne
From: Brenna LHate to break it to you, Marianne, but there are clowns on SAHM I Am—and they’ve been posting all morning!
My goodness, has Rosalyn learned NOTHING from the disaster that is her life the past two years? And that Hannah… I’m sorry, but nineteen-year-olds have NO business being parents. I can say that because I had a three-year-old by that time, and I was totally clueless. The difference is that I made a mistake by being a teen mom. But Hannah?
She did it on purpose!
It makes me furious. And the weird thing is I really don’t know why. It’s her life. Her business. But everything in me just screams that it was a stupid decision. Maybe getting married at eighteen was fine for women hundreds of years ago, but it’s foolish now.
I know… I must sound like a grumpy middle-aged woman. She just gets on my nerves.
Brenna
——June 16/7:45 a.m.——
Hi i just got a cell phone with text messaging sorry for no punctuation but i cant find it do you want me to ask some of my friends if they need a decorator text messages take a lot of time to write this one took me 20 minutes
——June 16/10:01 a.m.——
Thx 4 offer, mom. But no need. No big deal. Get more clients soon. Write shorter mssg, takes less time.
From: Jeanine HashDear Friends,
As many of you know, my daughter-in-law, Dulcie, has been working ever so hard the past few months to start her own interior design business. Well, things just aren’t going so well! She could only get one client, and they’ve dumped her because they decided to get a divorce after meeting with Dulcie!
It would just break my heart to see her fail! She’s trying to support the whole family—three children and a “house husband.” Poor thing—it’s just not right for a woman to have such a burden on her. But I know how that feels— I was a single mom for years before marrying my beloved Morris.
So I’m starting a “let’s help Dulcie” campaign! We all could use some home decorating help, right? And I know many of you are…shall we say… “gifted” with plenty of financial resources (Hi, Mr. Tabuchi!!!) so there’s no reason not to hire my daughter-in-law. You’ll get a prettier house or theater or office building, and she’ll be able to put food on the table.
She really is the sweetest little thing. And very talented, too! You all should see how she decorated the bedroom for her twins—a woodland fairy theme with hand-painted trees and twelve fairies hidden in different corners and crannies all over the room! Who wouldn’t want such a good mom working on their project?
You should look at her Web site: www.homemakerin-teriors.com and give her a call! Besides, I’m fixing to make a whole new batch of my famous peach butter later this summer. I’d be more likely to give jars of it to people who are supportive of my kids. :)
Blessings,
Jeanine Hash
P.S. Please feel free to forward this to lots and lots of people!!!
From: Dulcie HuckleberryMom, tell me you did NOT just send that message to Shoji Tabuchi! The “hi Mr. Tabuchi” referred to some other guy and NOT the Branson megastar with the most-photographed theater bathrooms in America… RIGHT???
By the way, who ELSE was on your friends list???
Dulcie
From: Jeanine HashWell, of course I sent it to Shoji, darling! He’s been my employer and Morris’s employer for years, and a good friend, too. Not to mention how sweet he was in letting us have our wedding ceremony at his theater! Wasn’t it beautiful—with Morris on the white horse and us girls floating down on stage from sparkly stars? It seems like it was just yesterday…
Anyway, Mr. Tabuchi knows a LOT of people, dear. Plus, if you were able to do a project for him or his family, just think of all the business you’d get!
As for who I sent the e-mail to? Well, everyone I know—which is nearly all of Branson and half of Springfield! Just consider me your marketing and PR machine, sweetie.
Love,
Jeanine
——June 16/10:08 a.m.——
I’m going to kill your mother. Just wanted to warn you. How is the park?
——June 16/10:12 a.m.——
Park is fine. Girls having fun. Will it be Dulcie, with the candlestick, in the library?
——June 16/10:14 a.m.——
Hah! Candlestick 2 gentle 4 her. Will be me, in kitchen, drowning her in own peach butter.
——June 16/10:15 a.m.——
Yikes! Why? Or do I have 2 wait 4 testimony at trial?
——June 16/10:15 a.m.——
Plea will be temporary insanity. Hers. Xplain at home.
From: Zelia Muzuwa“This” being my house. I can’t figure it out. Something smells awful! Like garbage—only I’ve emptied every single trash can in the entire house. I even rinsed them all out with bleach and water! I scrubbed the fridge, replaced the baking soda in there, and put baking soda down all the drains. I cleaned the toilets, the microwave, and even did all the laundry.
And it still reeks!
I’m so mad! All that work, and for nothing!
Zelia
From: The MillardsHow can you say it was all for nothing? You got your house cleaned, didn’t you? And at least you didn’t have a stranger scrubbing your toilets.
Jocelyn
From: Zelia MuzuwaJoc, babe, are you still whining and moaning about the pain of having someone clean your house FOR you? I love you, girl, but… Get. A. Grip.
As for my own housecleaning efforts (done by the sweat of my brow and the grease of my elbow, I might add)…it was for nothing because I was trying to get rid of the garbage smell in my house. I was not trying to clean my house. If I’d known that all that cleaning was still not going to help, I would have saved myself the trouble.
And we did have near-strangers victimized by our olfactory pollution. My DH Tristan had a coworker and her husband over for dinner last night. It wasn’t until after we were done eating that we first noticed the problem. I thought Tristan had forgotten to take out the garbage like I asked him to.
I kept jerking my head toward the kitchen, trying to signal to him that we needed to talk privately. The blockhead. (Whom I love with all my heart, but still…) Totally oblivious.
Carla, his work colleague (who happens to have just been made a partner in his firm—somebody he needs to impress), started sniffing the air. I pretended I wasn’t watching. Then she checked the bottoms of her shoes.
DUH—it wasn’t that kind of smell. Anybody ought to have known that!
Then she leaned over, like she was getting something out of her purse, but I could tell she was smelling under her arms.
Tacky. But it was making me nervous. Something reeked. In my house! And one of the partners of Tristan’s company was definitely noticing it!
I excused myself to the kitchen and checked the garbage can. It had a few scraps in it from fixing dinner, but nothing that smelled. In fact, the kitchen didn’t smell as bad as the family room.
By the time the couple left, both of them looked like they were going to pass out soon from trying not to take any deep breaths. They gave us these tiny frozen smiles and scuttled out of the house. I’m almost certain I heard them both gasping for air before we had barely shut the door.
I am utterly mortified! I spent all day trying to track this down and no such luck!
Tristan apparently has a nearly nonexistent sense of smell. He thinks I’m imagining the whole thing—including Carla’s little sniff-check.
Next on my list—bathing all the kids.
Z
From: P. LorimerA quote, in your honor, Zelia:
“Something is rotten in the state of Maryland.”—slight paraphrase from Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 4
Seriously, I wouldn’t be overly concerned. I doubt it’s as bad as you think it is. And it might be something outside—like a sewer pipe or your neighbors’ trash cans or something.
Phyllis
From: Zelia MuzuwaAck! My own Shakespeare predilection thrown back at me. A perfect example of this:
“Hoist with his own petard.” (Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 4) You want to have a Shakespeare war, girlfriend? I’ll win.
And I’m not overreacting. I know a bad stink when I smell it! And last night after dinner, definitely “there was the rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril.” (The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 3, Scene 5)
TOP THAT!
Z
From: Brenna LOh no! Everyone take cover! The Great Shakespeare Quote War has broken out again! Run for your lives!!! Or as the Bard would say: “Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!”
Brenna
From: Zelia MuzuwaAh, Brenna… I salute you, Mistress Lindburg. You are truly magnificent. Here’s one for you:
“Methinks a woman of this valiant spirit
Should, if a coward heard her speak these words,
Infuse his breast with magnanimity
And make him, naked, foil a man at arms.”
(King Henry VI Part iii, Act 5, Scene 4)
Z
From: Hannah FarrellThat’s NOT a real Shakespeare quote! Shakespeare would never have written about naked…people in his plays! That’s not appropriate to joke about! I studied Romeo and Juliet last year in Senior English, and there wasn’t ONE mention of anything remotely risqué!!!
Hannah
From: P. LorimerHannah, out of curiosity…what school did you attend?
From: Hannah FarrellSouth Carolina Crusading Lambs of God Christian High School. Affectionately knows as SCCLOG. Their academic quality is unsurpassable. I tied for valedictorian with my best friend, Krissy.
Hannah
From: P. LorimerAh. Congratulations. And you studied the entire play of Romeo and Juliet? The original, unabridged version?
From: Hannah FarrellYes, the WHOLE thing! Like I said, SCCLOG is a very advanced school academically. Three of my graduating class even went to college! I was going to go to college, but I met Bradley instead.
Hannah
From: P. LorimerThanks for the clarification. I’m just a little confused. How did you manage to study the entire play Romeo and Juliet and come away with the impression that Shakespeare was NOT in any way risqué?
Did no one ever explain to you the Queen Mab speech, honey?
Phyllis
From: Zelia MuzuwaDown girl! Behave yourself. Lest you bring the wrath of Rosalyn down on all our heads.
Z
From: Hannah FarrellHi Phyllis,
I’m SOOO like not confrontational or anything, but Shakespeare happens to be something I know about. I got an A+ in that class!!!
I know all about the Queen Mab speech. Mercutio was talking about a dream fairy, like Tinker Bell or the Sugar Plum Fairy. What’s so risqué about that?
It’s impossible for Shakespeare to have written anything naughty. After all, he wrote hundreds of years ago, when people were a lot more pure-minded and innocent. We all should try to be more like that instead of making inappropriate remarks about things that are immodest.
I’m not trying to be a prude or anything. I mean, after all I AM a married woman! But I love Shakespeare, and I don’t like to see his reputation ruined—especially not on an e-mail list of (mostly) Christian stay-at-home moms! I’m sure William Shakespeare loved Jesus—everyone did back then. He most certainly did NOT write about naked people fencing. I’m very offended by the suggestion and by the images that brings to mind.
I’d like to ask the loop moderator to bring this topic to a close. It doesn’t even have anything to do with stay-at-home mom stuff!
Hannah
P.S. Zelia, your smelly-house problem reminded me of what happened at my school my junior year. Some boys stuffed some tuna fish sandwiches down the air vents and the whole school smelled like rotten fish for weeks.
From: P. LorimerWell, Hannah, it does sound like your English teacher did an interesting job with your education. Here’s a quote in her honor, from As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7:
“And in his brain,
Which is as dry as the remainder biscuit
After a voyage, he hath strange places cramm’d
With observation, the which he vents
In mangled forms.”
Love,
Phyllis
From: Hannah FarrellI don’t get it. But I heard that you weren’t very good with humor, so that’s probably why.