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Tilly hurried into the room. “I’ve called 911 for transport.”
“Thanks, Tilly,” Miguel replied. “He’s going to need hospital care for sure. We’ll get him as stable as possible first.”
“Code cart is ready, Doctor,” Vicky said, after tugging the massive tool kit on wheels to the patient’s bedside. “Do you want to start a nitro drip?” Knowing her emergency medicine drills by heart, she hoped that she could anticipate Miguel’s needs, as he hadn’t been able to do any orientation with her yet.
“Yes.”
The other two in the room seemed to know their roles well. Carlos hooked up the heart monitor, which looked as if it had come from an old hospital supply house. It was practically an antique, but it worked, and that was probably all Miguel wanted out of it. Next, he applied the automatic blood-pressure cuff. Tilly inserted an IV with a sure hand and hooked up the nitro drip that Vicky had prepared.
“The medication we’re giving you should ease your pain quite a bit,” she said to the male patient, who appeared to be in his mid-sixties. With one hand, she adjusted the oxygen mask over his face. His breathing was shallow and grunting, which was extremely worrying. She glanced at the monitor, interpreting the squiggles immediately. “Looks like he’s having an infarct right now.”
Miguel also looked at the monitor then at Vicky with surprise at her precise interpretation. “You’re right. Start a potassium drip and give him an amp of magnesium.” Leaning over the patient, he said, “Try to slow your breathing down.”
“I’ll do the mag—you get the drip ready,” Tilly said, and together they got the medications prepared and into the patient.
Soon they heard the sound of sirens. “I’ll go and get them,” Carlos said, and dashed to the door. Vicky called out vital signs now and then so Miguel didn’t have to keep looking up at the monitor.
Miguel remained focused on the patient situation, not being distracted by the other activity. “Keep the fluids going, increase the nitro drip.”
“Yes, Doctor,” Vicky responded, and although her hands trembled slightly, she changed the setting on the IV pump to the next level. “I hope it opens his vessels a little. He needs better circulation than he’s got.”
“Agreed.” Miguel hit the print button on the old monitor that hung on the wall and a segment of the ECG appeared on paper, which he tore off. “He’s got some serious S-T segment changes.”
“Should we send that strip with him to the hospital?” she asked, knowing that the E.R. doctor there might appreciate that additional information to compare with further ECG interpretations.
“Yes.” He pushed the print button again and a second strip printed from the machine.
The E.R. crew arrived, following Carlos, and in just a few minutes they had the patient transferred to their stretcher and he was out the door.
Vicky took a few deep breaths and placed a hand on her chest. “Wow. That was something.”
Miguel’s lips compressed into a line momentarily then he nodded, as if conceding something. “That was something. A trial by fire on your first day. Good job, everyone.”
A flush of pleasure pulsed through her. Compliments certainly were unexpected at this point, especially after some of his earlier comments. “Why don’t I get the room ready for the next patient?” she asked. A few minutes alone would do her some good, and she hoped that her limbs would stop shaking. She hadn’t been prepared for such an urgent situation on her first day.
“I’ll get the next few patients lined up,” Tilly said, and returned to the nurses’ station.
“Sounds good.” He stepped out the door with Tilly and after a glance back he paused. “I’ll just wash up first,” he said, and returned to the room.
This was usually the time she collected her thoughts, after the scary stuff was over. A time she could allow herself to mentally go over the situation, make sure she’d done everything she could have and settle her churning stomach.
Miguel cleared his throat and looked at her, then his glance bounced away. “You were fine, Vicky,” he said, startling her. She hadn’t realized that he’d finished and was standing so close to her.
“I always second-guess myself, you know? Did we do everything and do it right?”
“I do know, and that’s good, not bad. Reviewing a situation with a team member is always good to do. Emergencies like that don’t come through the door every day, so it can be a little nerve-racking.”
“I’m just thankful I didn’t forget anything in the middle of it all, you know?” She opened the top drawer of the code cart. “I suppose you have replacement medications somewhere?”
“In the med room. Tilly can show you where.” Vicky stopped and looked up at him. He was a head or so taller than her, and she was pretty long and leggy. She wore her pale blonde hair in a swingy bob that just grazed her collar. She was trim and had the look of a runner. Her eyes were a startlingly clear blue, and she had a nearly flawless complexion. There was a small scar on her left cheek that he wouldn’t have noticed had he not been so close to her. It was probably from childhood chicken pox or something. Without it, he would have called her delicate, but the mark saved her from being too perfect. At least on the outside.
And he wondered again what this woman, who came from nearly unprecedented wealth, was doing in his humble clinic. The monthly income from the family business could probably finance his entire clinic for ten years. It boggled his mind to see her behaving just like any other nurse he could have hired. Frankly, he’d been against hiring her, but due to desperate measures he’d given in and offered her the job. Tilly had supported the idea of hiring her, and though his instinct had protested, he trusted Tilly implicitly. Vicky had looked good on paper, but that didn’t mean she could hold up under the kind of pressure they sometimes got in the clinic, though she certainly had today. He hadn’t changed his opinion in a few hours. Only time would tell, but he didn’t totally mistrust her.
“What’s wrong?” She held his gaze, and nothing but curiosity swirled there. “You’re looking at me strangely.”
Miguel met her gaze and held it for a few moments before answering. “What are you doing here?”
“You hired me.”
Frowning, he shook his head. That hadn’t come out right. “I mean, what is someone from your background doing at a clinic like this? Shouldn’t you be working at a private hospital somewhere?”
“I could doesn’t mean I should or that I even want to.”
The light in her eyes faded, and she stepped back a pace. A frown flitted across her face, but he supposed he’d surprised her by his question. He ignored the squirm that it caused in his stomach. He’d learned the hard way, too, that people were hardly ever what they seemed.
“On the surface things are different than they really are. You must know that.”
Wariness appeared in her eyes and her lips compressed. “I see. You don’t think I’m capable of handling this job despite my excellent references and my performance during the crisis we just went through?”
“I know you’re capable of it, but I don’t know why you want to do it. With your family background—”
“Forget my background. Please. I’m here for the same reason as you, Doctor. I’m here to help people who really need it, not putting ice packs on someone who’s had too much plastic surgery.” She huffed out a sigh.
“Seriously, what makes you want to do this kind of work?” That was the big question. What made anyone want to do this kind of work? He had his reasons, which were private, very personal, and he wasn’t about to share them with Vicky.
“If you’re through being prejudicial, I’d like to get back to work. Tilly can orient me for a while if you need a break from someone like me.” She turned to leave the room.
“Listen, that’s not what I meant.” Dammit. He hadn’t intended to have this conversation and now that he was it was coming out badly.
“I think it’s exactly what you meant, Doctor.” Pausing, she looked over her shoulder with a tight smile.
“Vicky, this isn’t coming out right.” He tugged on his lab coat and straightened it, giving himself a moment to think. “I simply don’t understand why someone who has all the opportunities in the world would choose to settle for a small clinic in the middle of nowhere.”
“Maybe I don’t consider it settling. I consider it an opportunity to expand my knowledge and skill base as a nurse.” She shrugged and the steam seemed to fade out of her. “In nursing, if you don’t keep your skills up you get stale and forget things. I don’t want to forget things.”
He’d have to accept that at face value, because at the moment he could find no other obvious motivation. “That’s true for doctors, as well.” He flipped his stethoscope around his neck and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Guess I’ll get out of your way and let you finish up.”
“Won’t take long now.” Vicky flashed a look at her watch and gave a surprised laugh. It was a nice sound, and one he didn’t hear often yet. “Wow. It’s only eleven. Feels like it’s quitting time already.”
“I know that feeling of strange time passage when you’re in the midst of a code or something.” He’d had that feeling even before his residency. When he’d held his dying brother in his arms so long ago. That had been the first time, and he’d never forgotten it.
CHAPTER THREE
THE rest of the day passed by in a rush of patients, most with minor complaints, upper respiratory issues and someone who had flattened a finger with a hammer. She and Miguel reverted back to their professional roles after the short exchange in the patient room. There was safety in her role, and it was one she knew well. She’d performed it often.
In her family, she’d been forced to play a role that she’d been desperate to escape for years. There had been various reprieves during nursing school and her short marriage. Now that she lived in the caretaker’s cottage on her family estate and not under her father’s thumb, she had found some relief. Living under her father’s roof again was not an option. Only by helping others who needed it and being a nurse did she truly escape the artifice of her family’s reputation, which always seemed to be more important than she was. When she entered the family domain, she was once again Victoria Sterling-Thorne, name before nursing.
Nursing was too personal, they thought, too hands-on. Just donate money from a distance and be done with it was their philosophy, and she didn’t agree with it. There was simply something within her that wouldn’t allow her to do that. A sigh eased out of her. She wasn’t going to fix them, and they weren’t going to influence her any longer. So back to work for now was the only answer.
The clinic stopped taking new patients at 4:00 p.m., so they were out the door by five when the clinic officially closed.
“I gotta go, M. If I’m late for dinner again, my mother’s going to have a fit.” Carlos hefted a backpack over one shoulder.
Miguel smiled at the young man and nodded. “Get out of here. Tell her I said hello and it was all my fault.”
“You’ve got it.” Carlos strolled out the door and disappeared down the sidewalk into the early-evening shadows.
“Tilly, you ready to roll?” Miguel asked as other staff members filed out the door.
Tilly left the nurses’ station and closed the door. “Yeah.” She paused for a second, looking at Vicky, then directed a pointed glance at Miguel. “Good going, kid. See you tomorrow.”
Vicky retrieved her purse from the locker and reveled in the tiny compliment that Tilly had given her. Although this was a new venture for her, she thought she might like it here. As she proceeded to the door, she realized that Miguel hadn’t moved and she waited for him. “Aren’t you coming?”
“I’ve got some notes to finish first,” he said. “But I’ll walk you out.” He left the chart where it was and stood, but Vicky didn’t move. She stayed rooted where she was, looking at him seriously, assessingly, making him a little curious as to what was going on in her mind. There was something about her that made him uncomfortable, and he had no idea what it was. He’d been around plenty of lovely women and many nurses before, so simple attraction wasn’t the answer. Maybe it was the way her eyes seemed to penetrate right into him, trying to see what was going on inside. Maybe it was just bad lighting.
“Finding time to play helps balance the workload, Doctor.”
“It certainly does. For other people.” But it was one thing he hadn’t been able to do. All playfulness and joy had seeped into the ground with his brother’s blood the night that he had died. Part of Miguel had died that night, too. He hadn’t been able to prevent Emilio from dying. His brother had lost his life, so what right did he have to one? Since that night he’d dedicated himself to serving others, saving others and sacrificing himself in the process. The clinic had become his family now, its patients his children. When one of them died, he experienced a small death, as well. Each loss was one he took personally. Each loss was one patient he’d never get back and meant the kind of endless suffering of a family that he knew all too well.
Looking at Vicky, he realized she was very observant and a little too insightful for his tastes at the moment. He’d do well to watch where those blue eyes roamed. A long time ago he might have been susceptible to their allure, but not now. For the sake of his career and community, his focus had to stay right where it was. No distractions allowed. Not even one as tempting as Victoria Sterling-Thorne. Not that he had any business associating with someone from her walk of life anyway. Worlds apart, though they lived only miles apart.
“My brother owns his own business, so I know a little about it. All work and no play usually makes people very unhappy.”
He thought of his family and the Sunday dinners, baptisms, weddings and other gatherings that he missed on a regular basis. He had been close to his family, but the kind of work he had dedicated himself to came at a price. Unfortunately, his family paid it for him. He had so much to make up for, he knew he’d never live long enough to make things right with them. His family had never blamed him for Emilio’s death, though it might have been easier on him if they had. Pushing back those thoughts, he escorted her to the door. “It works this way for me.” He didn’t want to admit aloud that it might not be the complete truth.
“You’ve hired me full-time, but how many hours do you put in per week?”
“I don’t keep track.” If he did, he’d have to take a long, hard look at what he was doing with his life, and he didn’t want to go there. This was all he deserved. It was his fault that Emilio had died. End of story. Turning away from her momentarily, he hung his lab coat on the back of a door. “Ready?”
“Thanks.” She proceeded out the door ahead of him. As she walked past, he caught a whiff of her perfume, a sweet but spicy mix, not too heavy, and very enticing. It reminded him of sandalwood and musk. Through the course of the day he’d been close enough to catch it, but now it seemed to be hooked deeply into his brain. He’d know that sweet and exotic scent anywhere now.
“I’m sorry if I offended you, Dr. Torres,” she said, and shoved her hands into her pockets. As she spoke, she kept her eyes averted from him. “It wasn’t my intention.”
“It’s Miguel, and you can’t offend me.” He’d been through so much over the years that life had hardened him to insult or injury with mere words, and he had the scars to prove it. Offend him? Not a chance.
Her head snapped up, and she looked closely at him, peering into his eyes as if looking for something that simply wasn’t there. “I find that hard to believe. We all react to things. Things can hurt us if we let them.”
“Then it’s simple. I don’t let them.” He’d walk her to her car, ensure that she got safely away and go home. Discussions of emotions weren’t on the agenda for this evening.
She let that comment go, but he could see that she didn’t like the answer or believe it.
In silence they walked to her car at the far end of the parking lot, and she gasped. “Oh. There’s a dent in the door.” She leaned over to examine it and unknowingly gave him a lovely view of her equally lovely backside.
As a professional, he knew he should avert his eyes and focus on the car door, but some deep-seated male instinct allowed him one last wistful glance before he stooped beside her to examine the damage. He pressed his fingers to the dent. It looked as if someone had opened a door onto hers and caused the dent. “Cars aren’t made the way they used to be. Sometimes the wind can take a door and throw it pretty hard.” He looked over at her. “Sorry about that. Maybe the parking garage down the street would be a better option.”
Though her car wasn’t a showpiece, it was new and it showed.
“Nice idea, but it hardly does any good now.”
The frown between her eyes made him want to do something to fix the situation. He was a doctor and a man and that was what he did. He fixed things. Running his fingers over the dent again, an idea surfaced. “Stay here for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“Why? Do you have a dent-fixing kit in the clinic?”
“No, but I might be able to help.” Despite his misgivings about Vicky, he couldn’t not help her. It just wasn’t in him to walk away from any situation that he could possibly fix, no matter what his personal feelings.
“I’ll still have to take it to the shop, won’t I?” she asked, worry clouding her eyes.
“Give me a minute, okay?” In just a few minutes he strolled across the parking lot back to Vicky and her pricey dent.
“What are you going to do?”
He swung the plunger off his shoulder to show her. “I’m going to apply a little physics to see if it will reverse your situation.”
“With a plunger?” The expression on her face was full of understandable doubt. She raised her brows and stepped back. “I’ve got to see this.”
“You’ll learn to get creative if you work around here long enough.” Turning to the car, he placed the plunger in the center of the dent and secured a good seal. Then he slowly pulled. The dent popped back into place with a thud, and Vicky jumped at the sound.
“You did it!” she said, and in her excitement clutched his arm with her hand. “I can’t believe you did it with a plunger, of all things. I never would have thought of that.”
A grin he couldn’t suppress surged across his face at her contagious enthusiasm. He didn’t know plumbing supplies could so easily please someone. The warmth in his chest was a puzzling sensation, one he hadn’t felt for a long time. And one he couldn’t afford to feel now. Stowing the pleasure at her reaction in a compartment deep inside, he nodded. “Well, there you go. Newton’s third law in action.”
“Equal and opposite forces, right?” She was nearly giddy in her excitement.
In the dim twilight he could see her sparkling eyes, and his gaze dropped to her mouth. It was curved upward, and her full, sensual lips were made for a man to kiss, to lose himself in, and forget the troubles of the day. Some part of him yearned to respond to that, but he couldn’t. Not now. Probably not ever, and he pushed away the desire to do so. He needed her as a nurse, not a lover. This was strictly a hands-off relationship, so he changed the subject and gave his libido a kick in the shins.
“You obviously paid attention in physics.”
“A little, but it’s really not my forte.” She gave a quick laugh then released his arm, and he could draw a full breath again. “Thanks so much, Miguel. This saves me a trip to the shop. I always feel so stupid when I go there.”
“You’re welcome. And you should never feel stupid. You’re bright.” Very—and he’d do well to remember that.
“Thanks.” She dropped her chin and looked away. “My family doesn’t particularly think so.”
“I’d say that’s their problem, then, not yours.” He took a safe step back from her, removed the plunger from the door, then opened it for her. “Still willing to tackle this job?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then I’ll see you in the morning.”
Before she got in, she glanced around. “I just noticed that there’s no other vehicle around. Where’s yours? Dent-free in the garage?”
“I usually walk. Burns off the day for me.” And the ghosts that haunted him every waking moment. No walk would be long enough to outdistance them.
“Do you want a lift?” she asked, and got into the vehicle. “Be happy to.”
“No, thanks. The air will do me good.” He closed the door and watched as the most intriguing woman he’d met in a very long time waved then drove away. Intriguing, yes. Within the scope of attainment? Not even on a good day. Eventually, the princess in her would come out, and then he’d see the real Vicky.
As he returned to the clinic, the mural painted on the side caught his attention. Local kids had covered the building with their art, their words and their love. It soothed his soul a little to see it. Life moved on around you, even if you were stuck in the past. Unfortunately, love wasn’t going to be enough. He’d learned that the hard way long ago. No matter how much you loved someone, it simply wasn’t enough. Life got in the way as it had when Emilio had been killed and his fiancée had left him. His own life had been on the fast track with medical school and a fiancée with golden plans for the future. That night, he’d nearly lost everything. Turning away from the sight of the building, he continued inside and stowed the plunger where it belonged.
He finished the remaining notes as quickly as possible, intending to go home and get ready for another day. As he strolled down the sidewalk, taking in the early-evening air and admiring the drawn-out sunset, thoughts of Vicky and, as much as he resented it, her words followed him home.
What was it about her that churned up the past that he’d thought had been tucked away? Maybe she reminded him of something, or of dreams let go, of an unrealized future. He didn’t know and didn’t want to spend another second thinking about the princess in his clinic. One day she’d walk off like everyone else had and he’d be stuck trying to replace her.
Normally, he would have walked past the photos on his wall without stopping, not allowing the memories to make him stop. Tonight he paused and really looked at the faces there as he hadn’t in a long time. He paused longest in front of Emilio, who had been seventeen at the time of this photo, and he had never grown any older. In an unconscious movement he clasped the sterling-silver bracelet on his right wrist. Every time he touched it he thought of Emilio and he touched it often, scratching the surface of the memory that he could never allow to heal.
Miguel turned away from the image. He didn’t need a photo. Emilio’s face would be forever etched in his mind. The old cliché was that time healed all wounds.
Not for him it hadn’t. He couldn’t let it. He didn’t deserve it.
He moved away and tried to find the usual pace of his evening, but it eluded him. Images and thoughts of Emilio plagued him. Staggering guilt filled his chest and burned a path straight through his heart. The boy never should have been there, never should have come looking for him, but he had, and it was his fault that Emilio had died.
He’d never forgive himself for allowing his brother to die. If only he’d been more skilled, or further in his career with enough skills, or better at convincing Emilio to leave the gang that was not a true family to him, that he had one of his own that loved him. If only he’d been a better brother, doctor, friend, Emilio would be alive right now and both their lives would be very different.
There was no fix, no absolution for that one unforgivable act. The mistake he couldn’t take back and could never mend. Broken limbs he could fix. Broken lives were out of his realm. If he had minded his own business, Emilio might still be alive.
Determined not to give the entire night to the ghosts, he turned on the news, got on his stationary bike and pulled out a medical journal. One of the three were bound to distract him for a while.