Heat of the Moment

3

HOLLY HADN’T BEEN OUT to the lake house in years, not since she’d graduated from the Naval Academy. That night had been both the best and worst of her entire life. The best, because she’d finally known what it was like to be loved by Shane Rafferty, and the worst because…well, because she’d known that she would never experience anything like it ever again.

Now, driving along the densely wooded road that led to her parents’ summer place, she wasn’t prepared for how those memories made her chest ache and her throat tighten.

“Hey, you okay?”

Holly turned toward her childhood friend, Susan, and gave her a bright smile. “Yes. Absolutely. It’s just that I haven’t been back here in so long…”

“Mmm-hmm,” her friend murmured knowingly.

Holly narrowed her eyes at her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Susan looked away from the road long enough to give Holly a tolerant look. “I was there that night, remember? And the next morning, after he left. I know what he did to you.”

Oh no, she didn’t. The things that Shane Rafferty had done to her that night still caused Holly’s toes to curl in recalled pleasure.

She dragged her gaze away from Susan’s and looked out the window at the passing trees. “Don’t put all the blame on him. I was shameless in the way I chased after him, and it’s not like he ever made any promises to me.” She gave a huff of laughter. “Just the opposite, actually. He made it pretty clear that he wasn’t interested in anything more than sex.”

“But you were hoping…”

Yes, she had hoped. For the next three years, she’d hoped. She still hoped that his feelings ran deeper than he let on. The fact that he had abandoned his position during the fire fight to try and rescue her gave her some optimism, although knowing Shane the way she did, he probably would have done the same for anyone.

She shrugged in response to Susan’s question, hoping her friend didn’t see through her bravado. Let her believe that she no longer held a torch for Shane Rafferty. She’d managed to fool everyone, except herself.

“It was a one-time thing. A mistake, actually. I’m no longer interested in Shane and he’s definitely not interested in me.” Seeing her friend’s dubious expression, she plunged on, as if by getting the words out fast enough, she might believe they were true. “Even when we were on the same base in Iraq, we didn’t run into each other very much and when we did, it was just sort of awkward. We don’t even have anything in common.”

“So you didn’t get to see him afterwards…at the hospital?”

Holly shook her head. “Not really. We went to his room before I was released, but he was still unconscious. The doctors had him in a drug-induced coma because of his head injury. They told me that even if he’d been awake, he would have been on some heavy pain meds and probably wouldn’t have recognized me.” She shivered in memory. “He had so many stitches where they’d removed shrapnel, and was on a breathing tube. There didn’t seem much point in hanging around, and my parents were anxious to get me home.”

“Poor guy. But you said he was finally released, right?”

“Yes. My father insisted on receiving a report on his progress every day. He went home a couple of days ago.”

“To Chatham?” Susan sounded surprised.

“I think so. Or maybe he went back to Camp LeJeune.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

“Maybe we should have stopped by the drugstore on our way out of town,” mused Susan, “We could have paid him a visit. It would have been nice to have him acknowledge that you saved his life. Nothing wrong with a little groveling.”

“He doesn’t need to do that,” Holly replied, aghast, although she did find the thought of Shane Rafferty groveling a little bit intriguing. “Besides, he was shot trying to protect me. If I hadn’t insisted on driving in that convoy…”

“Listen,” Susan interrupted, “you can play the blame game all you want, but the bottom line is that you’re both okay. Thank God.”

Holly was silent, replaying those horrific moments in Iraq when she’d believed Shane was dead. She never wanted to experience anything close to that ever again. She drew in a shuddering breath.

“Hey.” Reaching over, Susan covered Holly’s hand with her own. “You are okay, right?”

Holly nodded. “I’m fine.”

She wasn’t ready to confide in Susan about the phone call she’d received from the Naval hospital. Her doctor had confirmed what she had already suspected—the bullet that had shattered her upper arm had done permanent nerve damage. She might never regain full use of the limb.

The gnawing pain that had kept her awake those first two weeks had subsided to a dull ache. She’d stopped taking the pills that the doctors had prescribed because she didn’t like how they made her feel woozy and disoriented. The incision where the surgeons had inserted a metal plate and screws into the upper arm bone had mostly healed, although her arm would always have a nasty scar from the bullet itself.

But what bothered her most was the annoying numbness across the back of her hand and through her fingers, and how she couldn’t seem to get a good grip on anything. The doctors had run more tests, and had called her that morning with the results. The news had come as a devastating blow to Holly. Without full use of her arm, she would likely have to leave the military. Even if the top brass decided she could stay, she’d probably be placed in a desk job, overseeing administrative minutia. Her days of going on deployments were over, since she could no longer handle a weapon. In fact, she could barely handle a camera.

Her beloved camera had been lost in the explosion that had destroyed her supply truck, and her father had presented her with a brand-new one just days after she had arrived home. Holly knew the camera was the best that money could buy, but she still grieved for the one she’d lost; the one she’d had since she was a teenager. That camera had been as familiar to her as her own hand. She sighed. It seemed that nothing would ever be the same as it had been.

“So how are your parents going to react when they learn you’ve left?” Susan interrupted her thoughts.

Holly sighed deeply. Her parents had been playing golf with friends when Holly had made her getaway. They wouldn’t be back for hours yet, but Holly didn’t expect them to come after her. They would respect her need for privacy.

“They’ll be hurt,” she admitted. “They’ll think they did something wrong. But I couldn’t stay there any longer. I was…suffocating. I just needed to get out.”

That was the truth. She hadn’t told her parents that she was leaving, knowing they would try to dissuade her. But her mother’s constant hovering had begun to wear on her nerves. Since she’d come home, Holly hadn’t been permitted to do anything for herself. Her mother insisted that she spend her days relaxing in the gardens or on the enormous wrap-around porch, preferably with a cup of tea or a tall glass of lemonade. She’d drunk so much of both that it was a wonder she hadn’t floated away. Her father had given her the space she needed, but his worry and concern for her had been like a palpable thing.

Holly knew her parents meant well, but she didn’t think she could bear their pity when they learned her arm was permanently damaged. Her father, a retired Navy admiral, would take it the hardest. He’d been so proud the day she’d graduated from the academy and loved telling people that both of his children—his son and his daughter—had followed family tradition and made a career with the Navy. But Holly could just see their reaction when she told them the news; they would hover and fuss over her, trying to make things better, until she screamed with frustration. She needed this time away to come to terms with the fact that her life would likely never be the same.

Most of all, she needed to come to terms with the fact that she would never be with Shane Rafferty, not the way she’d dreamed of. The main reason she’d joined the military was to impress him, to be close to him; to follow him into battle if need be. But she’d never anticipated that she would be injured and forced to make a choice about staying in or getting out. At least in the military, she’d been able to take assignments at the same locations as him, ensuring that they moved in the same orbit. But if she was in Chatham…they would literally be worlds apart, and she had a feeling that if it were up to Shane, he’d never willingly come back.

What would she do now? All of her carefully laid plans were falling apart. Worse, she had no idea what she would do with the rest of her life. Even if she could remain with the Navy, the idea of teaching at the academy or working a desk job somewhere held little appeal for her. But if she left the military, she’d also leave her only connection to Shane. Yes, she had a lot of thinking to do.

“Here we are,” Susan said quietly, and Holly looked up as the woods opened onto a large clearing. A gravel drive circled around the front of a timber frame house with a modest entry. The house was deceptive, Holly knew. Sitting on a rise overlooking the water, the back of the lake house was where the true magnificence lay. The property had belonged to the Durant family for generations, but where there had once stood a rustic cabin, the current lake house was a modern mixture of timber, stone, and glass, with an enormous wrap-around deck that boasted unobstructed views of the lake.

Holly knew that if she were to step onto the deck, she would see the lawn that swept down to the shore, where a quaint boathouse stood attached to a long dock. The small guest room over the boathouse had initially been intended as a place to change out of wet bathing suits before walking back to the main house, but a young Mitch had quickly adopted the space as his club house. When Shane had come to spend time at the lake, the boathouse had become his bunk room. If she closed her eyes, Holly could still picture him lying back against the pillows on the narrow bed, his body a mouthwatering combination of silken skin and hard muscles. And the expression in his eyes…

The memory caused a shiver of awareness to go through Holly.

Susan pulled up to the entrance and put the car into Park. “Do you want me to come in with you? Help you settle in? You said your parents haven’t been out here in months. The place is probably crawling with cobwebs.”

Holly smiled. “No, I’ll be fine. Mum has a cleaning service come in every two weeks whether she’s here, or not. They air everything out and keep the spiders down to a minimum.”

“What about food? Even dry goods have a shelf life.”

Holly gave her a tolerant look. “You know my mother, she keeps the house well-stocked. But I’ll give Pete a call in the morning and ask him to bring out some fresh groceries, okay?” Seeing Susan’s doubtful expression, Holly leaned across the center console and gave her friend a one-armed hug. “Don’t worry about me. I need this time alone to get my head straight.”

Susan nodded. “I know. I just hope your parents don’t blame me for aiding and abetting.”

Holly opened the door and climbed out, hefting her camera bag and pocketbook over her good shoulder. Leaning down to look into the car, she gave Susan what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’ll give them a call tonight. They’ll understand. Thanks for the lift.”

She watched as Susan’s car drove away and then she turned toward the house, fishing in her pocketbook for her set of house keys. Fitting the key into the front door, she was dismayed to find it already unlocked. Had the housecleaners forgotten to lock up after they left? Holly stood for a moment, undecided. She had her cell phone with her, but if there was an intruder in the house, it could take up to twenty minutes for the police to make their way out to the lake.

Gathering up her courage, Holly pushed the door open and entered, looking cautiously around for anything out of place, but the house was quiet. She closed the door and set her camera bag and pocketbook on the floor, and then made her way up the stairs to the main living area. As always, the soaring timber ceilings and wall of windows overlooking the water took her breath away. Almost without realizing it, she walked toward the glass. Being at the lake house brought her a sense of calm that she hadn’t felt in months. Years, even. She could almost feel the stress start to fall away.

In the next instant, Holly gave a startled gasp and nearly fell over in her haste to step back from the windows. A half-naked man lay on a chaise on the massive wrap-around deck, under the cover of an enormous umbrella. With her heart still stuttering in her chest, she peered through the glass. His lounge chair faced the lake and she couldn’t see his face, but what she could see caused her entire body to go tense.

Shane Rafferty.

Even without seeing his features, she recognized those broad shoulders and the black tribal tattoo that encircled one bicep. He wore a pair of dark shorts, with his legs stretched out in front of him. His left leg was encased in an olive colored cast from his knee to his toes, and Holly’s chest tightened.

Her head swirled with thoughts. What was he doing out here? Had he guessed she’d be at the lake house, too? If not, how would he react when he saw her? What should she do? How should she act? He was the last person she’d ever expected to see. She knew him well enough to know that he would never come out to the lake without an invitation, but her parents hadn’t mentioned that he was staying here. Which meant her brother, Mitch, had likely extended the invite. Holly moved on trembling legs away from the windows, her heart thudding hard against her ribs as her mind worked furiously.

She should leave.

But she desperately wanted to stay.

He wouldn’t be happy to see her. He’d insist on leaving at the first opportunity. He’d probably call Pete and ask him to come out immediately and drive him back into town.

Holly hadn’t had a chance to talk with Shane following the incident, and her enduring memory was of him lying bloodied and unresponsive on the gurney beside her while the medics worked frantically over him. Seeing him now, whole and safe, made her feel a little boneless with relief. Every cell in her body urged her to go outside and show him how she felt; to wrap herself around him and draw him inside herself.

Blowing out a hard breath, Holly mounted the stairs to the bedrooms. Shane would never let himself lose control with her again, the way he had that night in the boathouse. He’d all but said as much to her when she’d arrived at Al Asad Air Base in Iraq.

First and foremost was the fact that she outranked him. Any fraternization between them could result in a court-martial and dishonorable discharge for either of them. Shane might not have been born into a military family, like she had been, but he was more of a soldier than she would ever be. Holly believed that if he were booted out of the military, he might never forgive himself—or her—for letting it happen.

She also knew from experience that if she followed through on her instincts, Shane wouldn’t be able to resist her, but any relationship with him would only be physical. He’d made that completely clear. He was totally committed to the Marine Corps and there was no way he’d make any promises to her, no matter how unbelievably great the sex was.

And it had been great.

Off the charts great.

And while Holly lived in hopeful anticipation of a repeat performance, the strong pull of attraction she felt was just one aspect of his overall appeal. She wanted—no, needed—more. She needed to be part of his world. To be connected to him, and acknowledged by him. To know that she mattered.

Pushing her hand through her short hair, she walked over to her bedroom window and carefully turned the slatted wood blinds so that she could peek down at the deck. The angle was all wrong, though, and the umbrella completely obscured the lounge chair and its occupant. Holly let out a shuddering breath and closed the blinds.

Shane was here. Alive. Whole.

She moved blindly toward the bed and sank down, considering the implications of being here with him. Alone.

Nobody knew they were together, and even if her parents talked with Mitch and figured it out, the information would never go outside the family. There was no risk of anyone in their military chain of command finding out, not that she and Shane had anything to hide. After all, it wasn’t as if they were actually sleeping together.

But given the chance, Holly knew she would. She’d take Shane Rafferty any way she could get him. That day on the battlefield, when she’d been so certain he would die, she’d made a promise that if he survived, she would never ask for anything else.

She’d lied.

She knew now that she’d been given a second chance. She’d been crazy about Shane for as long as she could remember, but with the exception of that one night, she’d allowed Shane to determine the tenor of their relationship and permitted him to maintain both a physical and emotional distance between them.

But now here they were.

Holly drew in a deep breath, knowing what she had to do. She needed to change the rules. After all, what did she have to lose? Eventually, Shane would return to active duty and she wouldn’t. Losing him was inevitable. But for now, he was here. She would take a chance and grab whatever she could, and pray that when the time came to let him go, it would be enough.

With a new sense of purpose, Holly stripped out of her jeans and shirt, taking care not to strain her arm, and began rummaging through her dresser for a swimsuit. She wouldn’t come on too strong, initially. His first instinct would be to leave, so she’d play it cool and let him get accustomed to the idea of sharing the lake house with her. She’d gotten past his defenses once; she could do it again.