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She stared at him through a haze of tears.
Sawyer frowned. “Casey…”
“Just a few minutes, Dad. I promise.”
Honey sent Sawyer a pointed look, then patted Emma’s shoulder. “You can use the family room. Sawyer and I will make sandwiches and join you in just a few minutes.”
Keeping her head bowed so she wouldn’t have to make eye contact with anyone, Emma left her chair. She didn’t want to take Casey’s hand, and tried to walk around him, but he caught her and his fingers laced into hers. His hand was big and warm, strong and steady. Reassuring.
Normally, just being near him made her feel more secure. But not this time.
To her amazement, when he reached the family room, Casey sat down and tugged her into his lap. She couldn’t remember anyone ever holding her like that before. Emma was so shocked she almost bolted upright, but Casey wrapped both arms around her and pulled her so tightly to him, her head just naturally went to his shoulder. Her shaking increased.
Very gently, Casey stroked one hand up and down her back. “Em? Tell me what’s going on.”
Despite her resolve, she clutched at him. “I’m so sorry, Casey. So, so sorry.”
He pushed her hair away from her face, then reached for a box of tissues on the end table and held them in front of her. Emma blew her nose, but it didn’t help. The tears kept coming and she couldn’t make them stop. “I didn’t mean to get you involved, I swear.”
Calmly, as if she hadn’t just turned his life upside down, he said, “Involved in what?”
That was the thing about Casey. He was always calm, always so mature and sure of himself that, without thinking, she’d used his name and now… Emma grabbed for three more tissues. This was where she had to be careful. “I told my parents that I’m pregnant.”
Casey went very still. Silence hung heavy in the air, broken only by her gasping breaths and awful sniffling. Casey sat there, tall and proud and strong, while she fell apart like a deranged child.
In that moment, Emma hated herself.
His hand began stroking her again. “I take it they weren’t too happy about it?”
She laughed, but the humor faded into a wail. “I couldn’t think of what else to do.”
“So you came to me?”
He didn’t seem nearly as outraged as she had expected. But then Casey was so different from any other guy she knew, she didn’t know what to expect from him. He had a good handle on everything, on his life, his temper, his future.
“It’s not…not what you think.” This was even harder than she’d imagined. On the silent drive to his house, with her father fuming beside her, she’d tried to prepare herself, tried to make decisions. But this was the worst thing she’d ever done.
“No?” His thumb carefully smoothed over the bruise on her cheek.
God, she wished he’d say something more, maybe yell at her or throw her out. His calm destroyed what little control she’d been able to hold on to. “No.” She shook her head and leaned away from the gentleness of his touch. It took one breath, then another, before she could speak convincingly. “I don’t need or want anything from you, Case.”
The intensity of his darkened gaze seeped into her and she tried to look away.
Gently, Casey brought her face back up to his. “Then why are you here, Em?”
“I just…” I had to escape. She drew a shaking breath and attempted to gather herself together. The last few hours had seemed endless, and the night was far from over. “I needed to get away and I couldn’t think of anything else.”
A rap on the door made her jerk, and she looked up to see Sawyer and Honey standing there, each carrying a tray. Sawyer held sandwiches and Honey held mugs of hot chocolate.
Emma started to groan. God, they were like Leave it to freakin’ Beaver or something, so homey and together that nothing shook them for long, not even the neighborhood riffraff dropping in with a bombshell that should have disrupted the rest of their lives.
Envy formed a vise around her heart, but she knew she’d never belong to a family like theirs. They’d never want her.
Her own family didn’t.
Sawyer’s smile appeared strained but kind. “I think we should all do a little talking now.”
He set the tray on the coffee table and settled into a chair. Honey did the same. They both seemed to ignore the fact that she’d ended up perched on Casey’s lap, held in his strong arms. But the second Emma realized just how that would look, she shot to her feet. Before she could move too far away, Casey leaned forward and caught her wrist. Unlike her father’s grip, his was gentle and warm.
Casey’s hold offered comfort not restraint.
He came to his feet beside her, and she had the awful suspicion he wanted to provide a united front to his parents. He faced his father squarely, without an ounce of uncertainty or embarrassment. “Emma is pregnant.”
Sawyer’s jaw locked, and Honey looked down at her clasped hands, but not fast enough to hide her distress. When Emma started to speak, Casey squeezed her hand, silencing her. She understood what he wanted to do, and this time it was love clenching her heart. Not infatuation, not jealousy for all he had.
Real love.
There didn’t exist a better man than Casey Hudson. Emma knew in that moment she’d never forget him, no matter what turns her life took in the morning.
Very slowly, her movements deliberate and unmistakable, Emma pulled herself away from Casey. She took one step, then another and another, until she stood several feet away from him.
It wasn’t easy, but she managed to face his parents. This time her gaze never wavered. What she had to say was too important to leave any doubts. “Casey has never touched me.”
Sawyer sat up a little straighter, and his eyebrows came down in a dark frown of bewilderment. Honey’s gaze darted between them.
“Emma…” Casey took a step toward her.
She shot up a hand to ward him off. His nobility, his willingness to sacrifice himself, amazed her and made her love him that much more. She smiled at him, her first genuine smile in weeks. The time for sniffling and crying and being a fool had ended. She owed this family more than that. She owed Casey so damn much. “Casey, when I told my parents I was pregnant, I lied.”
“But…”
Feeling stiff and awkward, she rolled one shoulder in a casual shrug. “I’m sorry.” Her words trembled, nearly incoherent, and she cleared her throat. She wanted to beg him not to hate her, but that wouldn’t be fair. “I know it was wrong. I had to say something to get away and I couldn’t think of anything else.”
His gaze locked on her, Sawyer rose from his chair. He looked angry, but Emma had the feeling his anger wasn’t directed at her. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from backing away at his approach. When she caught Casey’s frown, she halted and forced herself to remain still.
With a large gentle hand on her chin, Sawyer tipped her face this way and that to examine her bruised cheek, then he carefully looked at the rest of her face. He was an imposing man, and she’d always been in awe of him. Now, with him in front of her and Casey close at her side, she almost felt faint.
“What happened to your face, Emma?” Sawyer’s tone left no room for evasions. He expected an answer. He expected the truth.
He couldn’t have it.
Emma touched the bruise, and winced. “I…I fell, that’s all.”
Casey snorted.
She cast him a quick worried look, but couldn’t meet his piercing gaze for more than a few seconds. They didn’t deserve to be lied to, but neither did they deserve to be drawn into her problems. If they knew, they’d never let her get away. She’d done enough to them. From here on out, she would handle things. Alone. She had to.
Sawyer again tipped up her chin, this time to regain her attention. “We can help if you’ll let us.”
Did every one of them take nobility in stride? Emma wiped her eyes on her crumpled tissue, wondering how to explain without telling too much. Shame bit into her, and she sighed. “Dr. Hudson, I’m so sorry—”
Casey caught her elbow and whirled her around to face him, his anger barely leashed. “Quit apologizing, damn it. It’s not necessary.”
Emma pulled back. “I’ve barged in here—”
“Your father barged in, not you.” Casey’s light-brown eyes burned nearly gold, and his jaw was set. “You’re not responsible for what he does, Emma.”
“But…this time I am,” she explained gently. She was very aware of his parents’ attention. “I told him I was pregnant, and I told him…I told him that you were the father.”
She turned to Sawyer and Honey in a rush, stumbling over her words. “Casey hasn’t ever touched me, I swear. He wouldn’t. He’s so much better than that. But I knew if I named any other guy…” She stalled, not sure what else to say. From the time she became a teenager, she’d been with so many boys. And yet, she’d named the only one who hadn’t wanted her.
Hands on his hips, Casey dropped his head forward, staring at the floor. He made a rough sound, part growl, part sarcasm. “None of the other guys would have defended you, would have taken you in.”
Relief that she hadn’t had to explain, after all, made Emma’s knees weak. “I used your integrity against you, and I am sorry.” Twisting her hands together, she faced Sawyer. “Everyone in Buckhorn knows that you and your brothers are good people. I thought that you might help me, so I used Casey’s name to get here. It wasn’t right and I can understand if you hate me, but it was the only thing I could think of.”
“Emma,” Honey murmured, her tone filled with sympathy, “no one hates you.”
Impatient, Sawyer shook his head. “Why did you need to get here, Emma? That’s what I want to know.”
And Honey added, “But of course you’re more than welcome to stay—”
“Oh, no.” Appalled by the conclusions she’d led them to, Emma shook her head. “No, you’re not stuck with me or anything like that.” She’d made a real muddle of things, she realized. “I have no intention of imposing on you, I swear.”
They met her promises with blank stares.
She started trembling again. She’d never felt more unsophisticated or more trashy than she did right at that moment, standing among them. The comparison between herself and them made her stomach pitch. She wanted to take off running and never look back.
Soon, she promised herself. Very soon. “I have some money that I’ve saved up, and I know how to work. I’m going to go to Ohio first thing in the morning.”
“What’s in Ohio?” Casey asked, and he didn’t look so even-tempered now. He looked ready to explode.
A new life, she wanted to tell him, but instead she lied. Again. “I have a…a cousin there. She offered me a place to stay and a job.”
Her expression worried, Honey glanced at Sawyer, then Casey, before tilting her head at Emma. “What kind of job?”
What kind of job? Emma blinked, taken aback by the question. She hadn’t expected this. She’d thought they’d be glad to see her gone. Oh, she’d known that they would offer to let her stay the night, that they’d be kind. She wouldn’t have come to them otherwise. But she figured once she told them she had a place to go they’d send her on her way with no questions asked.
Think, she told herself, and finally mumbled, “I’m not sure, actually. But she said it’d be perfect for me and I assume it’ll be something…reasonable.”
The way they all looked at her, they knew she was lying. Emma started backing away toward the phone. “I…I’m going to call a cab now.” She dared a quick peek at Casey, then wished she hadn’t. In all the time she’d known him, she’d never once seen him so enraged. “When…when I get settled, I’ll write to you, okay?”
Casey again crossed his arms over his chest. “That won’t be necessary.”
Her heart sank and she wanted to crumble in on herself. “I understand.” Why would he want to hear from her anyway? She’d offered herself to him plenty of times—and every single time he’d turned her away. And still she’d barged into his life.
“You don’t understand a damn thing.” Casey began striding toward her. “Emma, you’re not going anywhere.”
His tone frightened her. She felt locked in his gaze, unable to look away, unable to think. “Of course I am.”
“No.” Sawyer strode toward her too, his movements easy, nonthreatening, which didn’t help Emma’s panic one bit. “Casey is right. It’s damn near the middle of the night and you look exhausted. You need to get some sleep. In the morning we’ll all talk and figure out what’s to be done.”
“No…” She shook her head, dazed by their reactions.
“Yes.” Sawyer took her arm, his expression gentle, his intent implacable. “For now, I want you to eat a sandwich and drink some hot chocolate, then you can take a warm shower and get some sleep.”
In a quandary, Emma found herself reseated on the sofa. They weren’t throwing her out? After what she’d done, what she’d just admitted to them?
Her own father, despite everything or maybe because of it, had used the opportunity of her supposed pregnancy to rid himself of her. And her mother… No, she wouldn’t, couldn’t, think about that right now.
Honey smiled at her. “Please don’t worry so much, Emma. Everything is okay now.”
“Nothing is okay.” Why couldn’t they understand that?
Honey’s gentle smile never slipped. “I felt the same way when I first came here, but they’re sincere, I swear. We’re all sincere. We just don’t want you rushing off until we know you’ll be all right.”
Confusion weighed heavy on her brain. She didn’t know how to deal with this.
Casey sat down beside her and shoved a peanut butter and jelly sandwich into her hand. Emma stared at it, knowing she wouldn’t be able to swallow a single bite without throwing up. She had to do… something. She had to get out of here before their acceptance and understanding weakened her resolve.
She would not become someone else’s burden.
Her mind made up, she put the sandwich aside. “I’d really like to just take a shower if that’s okay. I know I look a mess.”
Using his fingertips, Casey wiped away a lingering tear she hadn’t been aware of. He hesitated, but finally nodded. “All right. You can sleep in my room tonight.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Casey grinned at her, then pinched her chin. “I’ll, of course, sleep on the couch.”
Mortification washed over her for her asinine assumption. At her blush, Casey’s grin widened. She couldn’t believe the way he teased her in front of his parents.
“You could have used Morgan’s old room, except that Honey’s been painting it and everything is a mess in there.”
Morgan was his uncle, the town sheriff. Most people thought he was a big, scary guy. He was enormous, but he’d always been kind to Emma, even when he’d caught her getting into trouble, like breaking curfew or being truant from school. Newly wed, Morgan had recently moved into his own house.
“I’ll take the couch.” Emma thought that would be easier, but Casey wouldn’t hear of it.
“You’ll take the bed.”
His father and stepmother agreed with him. In the end, Emma knew she was no match for them. Exhaustion won out and she nodded. “All right.” It would be strange sleeping in Casey’s room, in his bed. A secret part of her already looked forward to it. “Thank you.”
Casey took her down the hall to the bathroom, then got her one of his large T-shirts to sleep in. She knew it was selfish, but she accepted the shirt, holding it close to her heart. It was big and soft and it held his indescribable scent. Since she couldn’t have Casey, it was the next best thing.
Their bathroom was bigger than her whole bedroom. It was clean and stylish and that damn envy threatened to get hold of her again. Emma swore to herself that someday, she’d have a house as nice as this one. Maybe not as big, but just as clean and warm and filled with happiness. Somehow, she’d make it happen.
Knowing it would take forever for it to dry, she didn’t bother washing her long hair. When her opportunity arose, she had to be ready, and she didn’t want to run away with wet hair. She did brush out all the tangles and tie it back with a rubber band. The shower did a lot to revive her and make her feel less pathetic.
After she’d dried off and donned the shirt, Emma glared at herself in the mirror, and cursed herself for being such a crybaby. Casey wouldn’t be a whiner. If something happened in his life, he’d figure out how to deal with it. He’d do what he had to.
And so would she.
With the makeup washed away, her red nose and eyes looked even worse. The bruise showed up more too. It had all been necessary, she reminded herself, but still the thought of change terrified her—just not as much as staying.
She lifted the neckline of the shirt and brushed it against her nose, breathing deeply of Casey’s scent. She closed her swollen eyes a moment to compose herself.
Everyone was waiting for her when she left the bathroom, which made her feel like a spectacle. She was used to being ignored, not drawing attention. In a lot of ways, she preferred being ignored to this coddling. They were all just so…kind.
Sawyer gave her a cool compress to put over her puffy eyes, along with two over-the-counter pills that he said would help her relax and get some sleep.
Honey fussed over her, occasionally touching her in that mothering way. She told Emma to help herself if she got hungry during the night and to let her know if she needed anything.
She’d rather die than disturb any of them further. Emma knew she could be very quiet when she needed to be; she’d learned that trick early in life. Like a wraith, she could creep in and out without making a sound. No way would she wake anyone up tonight.
Honey kissed Emma on the forehead before she and Sawyer went down the hall, leaving her alone with Casey so he could say good-night. Emma was amazed anew that they’d trust her enough to leave Casey in the room with her, especially now that they had firsthand evidence of her character. She was a liar and a user.
Then she realized it wasn’t a matter of trusting her. They trusted Casey, and with good reason.
Casey sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her. After a moment, he even smiled.
Emma remembered how many times she’d done her best to get Casey this close. That last time at his family’s picnic, she’d almost succeeded. But in the end, Casey had been too strong-willed, and too moral to get involved with her. She’d decided that night to leave him alone, and for the most part she’d stuck to that conviction. She hadn’t seen him in so long.
Now he was right next to her and she was in his bed, and she could see the awful pity in his gaze. That hurt so much, she almost couldn’t bear it. She’d make sure this was the last time he ever looked at her that way.
“Are you all right now, Em?”
“I’m fine,” she lied, confident that it would be true soon enough. “I just wish I hadn’t put your family through all this.” She wished she could have thought of another way.
Rather than reply to that, Casey smoothed his hand over her head. “I’ve never seen your hair in a ponytail.”
Her heart started thumping too hard and her breath caught. She stared down at her hands. “That’s because it looks dumb, but I figured I looked bad enough tonight that nothing could make it worse.”
As if she hadn’t intruded in the middle of the night, hadn’t dragged him into her problems, hadn’t disrupted his life, Casey chuckled. “It does not look dumb. Actually it looks kinda cute.” Then, startling her further, he leaned forward and brushed his mouth over her forehead. “I’ll be right out on the couch if you need anything, or if you just want to talk.”
Emma said nothing to that.
“Promise me, Em.” His expression was stern, with that iron determination that awed her so much in evidence. “If you need me, you’ll wake me, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” Not in a million years.
Looking unconvinced, Casey straightened. “All right. I know it’s not easy, but try not to fret, okay? I’m sure we’ll be able to figure everything out.”
We. This family kept saying that, as if they each really wanted to help. She’d made herself his problem by using his name, but by tomorrow he wouldn’t have to worry about her ever again. “Casey? Thank you for everything.”
“I haven’t done anything, Em.”
She lifted his large, warm hand and kissed his palm. Her heart swelled with love, threatening to break. “You’re the finest person I’ve ever met.”
* * *
THE RED HAZE OF DAWN streamed through the windows when Honey shook Casey awake early the next morning. He pushed himself up on one elbow and tried to clear away the cobwebs. He’d been in the middle of a dark, intensely erotic dream. About Emma.
His father stood behind Honey and right away Casey knew something was wrong. “What is it?”
“Emma is better than me,” Honey said.
Casey frowned at that. “How so?”
“None of us heard her when she left.”
Sawyer looked grim. “There’s a note on your bed.”
Casey threw the sheet aside and bolted upright. He wore only his boxers, but didn’t give a damn. His heart threatened to punch out of his chest as he ran to his bedroom. Worry filled him, but also a strange panic.
She couldn’t really be gone.
He came to a halt in the middle of his room. The covers had been neatly smoothed over the empty bed, and on the pillow lay a single sheet of paper, folded in half.
Dreading what he would read, Casey dropped onto the mattress and picked up the note. Honey and Sawyer crowded into the doorway, watching, waiting.
Dear Casey,
I know you told me not to say it, but I’m so sorry. For everything. Not just for barging into your life tonight but for trying to corrupt you and trying to interrupt your plans. It was so selfish of me. For a while there, I thought I wanted you more than anything.
Here she had drawn a small smiley face. It nearly choked Casey up, seeing her attempt at humor. He swallowed and firmed his resolve.
But that would have been really unfair to you.
I’m also sorry that I took the money you had on your dresser.
Casey glanced at his dresser. Hell, he’d forgotten all about the money, which, if he remembered right, amounted to about a hundred dollars. Not enough for her to get very far. Emotion swamped him, then tightened like a vise around his chest, making it hard to breathe.
I had some money of my own, too. I’ve been saving it up for a long time. I promise as soon as I get settled I’ll return your money to you. I just needed it to get me away from Buckhorn, and I figured better that I borrow your money and leave tonight than to continue hanging around being a burden.
Damn it, hadn’t he told her a dozen times she wasn’t a bother? No. He’d told her not to apologize, but he hadn’t told her that he wanted her there, that he wanted to help. That he cared about her.
Have a good life, Casey. I’ll never, ever forget you.
Love,
Emma Clark
Casey crumpled the letter in his fist. He wanted to punch something, someone. He wanted to rage. It felt as though his chest had just caved in, destroying his heart. For a long moment, he couldn’t speak, couldn’t get words out around the lump in his throat.
Sawyer sat down beside him with a sigh. “I’ll call Morgan and see if he can track her down.”
As the town sheriff, Morgan had connections and legal avenues that the others didn’t have. Casey looked at his father, struggling for control. “We don’t know for sure where she’s going.”
“To Ohio, to her cousin, she told us,” Honey reminded them.
“She never gave us her cousin’s name.”
“I’ll call Dell.” Sawyer clapped Casey on the shoulder, offering reassurance. “He’ll know.”
But half an hour later, after Sawyer had finished his conversation with Emma’s surprisingly rattled father, Casey’s worst suspicions were confirmed. Emma didn’t have a cousin in Ohio. As far as Dell knew, there was no one in Ohio, no relative, no friend. Dell spewed accusations, blaming Casey for his little girl’s problems, for her pregnancy, even going so far as to insist he should be compensated for his loss. He said his wife was sick and now his daughter was missing.