Healing The Md's Heart: Healing the MD's Heart

Chapter Four

They stood facing each other and there didn’t seem to be a right thing to say.

The sense of imbalance Duran had been feeling since he started the search for his birth parents visited him now, more strongly than ever. He’d always been confident of who he was, where he belonged. The confrontations with his past, though, had stirred to life a stranger inside; someone, that if it hadn’t been for Noah, he wasn’t certain he would have wanted to know.

“Not sure what I expected,” Jed said at last. He came slowly into the room until he faced Duran. His blunt assessing look ended with a grunt and a shake of his head. “But it wasn’t you.”

“That’s pretty much what Ry said,” Duran told him, despite the circumstances a little amused at the similar reaction from his twin and the father neither of them had ever known. “You’d have a hard time guessing we were twins. There’s no question he’s your son, though. You’re more his twin than I am, at least in looks.”

Jed accepted that with a nod. “Who’s your mama?”

“Lucy Miller, or she was then. And the only place she’s my mother is on a birth certificate.”

“Maybe so. But you can’t change where you came from. Believe me, boy, I’ve tried.” Eyes narrowed as if he were peering into the past, Jed said after a moment, “I don’t recall a Lucy Miller.”

“One-night stands generally don’t leave much of an impression,” Duran said dryly. “She probably wouldn’t have remembered you, either, if you hadn’t given her two sons.”

“When?” The question was shot at Duran from behind Jed and for the first time Duran noticed the blond woman, fluffy white poodle clutched in her arm, still standing by the doorway. Duran guessed she had to be Jed’s wife, Del. When Duran didn’t answer her straightaway, Del spun on Jed. “When did you know her?”

“Like I said, I can’t recall. What’s it matter?”

Del’s painted mouth tightened. “People will be talking.”

“Let ’em. Not like they haven’t before.”

From the hard set of her face, Duran guessed whatever had been said about Jed Garrett in the past hadn’t been good. He had a pretty fair idea of what they’d be talking about this time, the speculation over whether or not Jed and Del had been married when Jed’s night with a stranger had produced two more Garrett sons. Judging Josh’s age as fairly close to his, there was a better than even chance they had. He couldn’t blame Del Garrett for resenting his suddenly showing up in Luna Hermosa. For Jed’s wife, meeting him face-to-face was unwelcome evidence her husband had cheated on her.

Before Del could counter Jed, though, Josh came up and took his mother by the arm. “How ’bout you come over to my place and tell Ellie and me all about your trip?” Del’s protesting didn’t start until Josh had her turned around and halfway out the door. Flashing a wink and a grin over his shoulder, he pulled the door closed on his mother’s increasingly loud sputtering.

“Damned woman’s gonna make a fuss about this,” Jed grumbled as he made his way to a chair, dropping heavily into the seat. He sent a scowl around the room at each of his sons, sparing only Duran. “And don’t any of you start. I’ll get enough grief from her to make up for the lot of you.” He fixed his attention back on Duran. “Cort says you’re here about your boy. What makes you so sure one of your brothers can help?”

“Because they are his brothers,” Lia spoke for him.

Duran had forgotten she was there behind him, now at his side, squarely facing Jed in a stance that clearly warned the older man to back off. He didn’t need her to fight his battles but she ignored his glance.

“A blood relative is more likely to be a match,” she persisted. “And if one of them is, it can save Noah’s life.”

“And then what?”

Lia bristled but Duran took her hand, squeezing lightly, trying to telegraph his appreciation for her defense in equal measure with insistence he handle this on his own.

“You either get what you want or you don’t,” Jed went on. “Is that gonna be the end of it?”

“You’re asking for something I can’t give right now,” Duran said, not knowing if Jed wanted him to say he’d stick around, acknowledge these strangers as family, but suspecting Jed wanted a commitment of that sort. Whether or not Jed had that in mind, Duran couldn’t promise, not now, maybe never.

“Let it go for now,” Cruz told Jed, undeterred by his father’s obvious irritation at his interruption. “Duran has enough to worry about without taking on all of us on top of it.”

Jed looked as if he wanted to argue. But after a moment, he shifted his glare from Cruz back to Duran. His gaze was speculative, and Duran realized he still held Lia’s hand and that she hadn’t made any attempt to let him go. Gently, Duran loosed his grip, briefly meeting her eyes before he broke their connection.

“I want to meet your brother,” Jed said. “Why isn’t he here?”

“This has got nothing to do with Ry. I don’t know him that well, but he doesn’t strike me as the social type. He wasn’t exactly thrilled to find out about me, let alone a whole family. We agreed we’d keep in touch but we haven’t gotten much further than that.”

“Your mama should’ve told me about you two.”

“Would it have made a difference?” Duran asked shortly. “Then?”

“Might’ve. I guess it makes more now.” Jed rubbed a hand over his jaw and weariness seemed to wash over him, weighing down his shoulders and taking the aggression out of his stance. He pushed himself to his feet. “Get settled in. We’ll talk more at dinner.”

Duran almost said no, thanks, he wasn’t staying, this wasn’t what he’d bargained on when he’d come to Luna Hermosa looking for help. But before he could voice any of it, Noah and his cousins came back in a burst of noise and energy. His focus turned to his son’s excited telling of his visit to the barns, and seeing the horses and a family of cats.

Seeing Noah’s excitement reminded him of why he was here and that it didn’t matter what price he had to pay for coming. The only thing that mattered to Duran was that Noah had a chance at a normal, happy life, free of hospitals and worries about what tomorrow would bring…that his son had a chance to live.

Lia decided that at some point in her life, she must have been forced to endure a worse dinner party, but she couldn’t remember when.

Once Noah returned and the family gathering started to break up, she’d planned to leave and avoid any more time with Jed and Del Garrett. A scant half an hour after Josh had led her away, Del had come back to the house, more upset than before, and flounced off to find Jed when she learned Duran and Noah would be temporary houseguests. Lia could only imagine the scene that followed and was more than ready to excuse herself for home.

It was Duran who stopped her.

She’d been surprised when he asked her to stay. But she accepted, deliberately refusing to think too much about her motivation, certain little about it was professional.

She let herself wonder about his reasons, though. She supposed it could have been as simple as wanting the support of the person he knew best in Luna Hermosa, though he and she were hardly much more than strangers. Apart from that, he’d given her the message several times that he didn’t need her involved in his personal life beyond her caring for Noah.

All through dinner he left her wondering, contributing little to the conversations, volunteering even less, particularly in response to Jed’s questioning. Cort, ever the family peacemaker, had done his best to smooth over the tensions, and the five kids provided some diversions. But Duran seemed distracted, his attention inward. Del was obviously in a temper and as a consequence, Jed was surlier than ever. Shortly after dinner, Cort and Laurel departed for home and Duran, seeing Noah’s yawns and eye rubbing, whisked him off to bed.

That left Lia in the awkward position of not wanting to leave without saying something to Duran, but not wanting to stay if it meant lingering in Del and Jed’s company. She finally settled on thanking them and then saying she wanted to check on Noah before she, too, went home.

Quickly navigating the long hallway that led to the west wing of the house, Lia tapped lightly on the door at the end of it, waiting for a few moments before Duran answered.

“I’m sorry,” he said, as he showed her in. “I didn’t mean to abandon you.”

“It’s okay. I just wanted to make sure Noah was all right before I left. And to say good-night.”

“He’s finally sleeping.” Duran glanced back at the closed door of one of the bedrooms. “It took awhile. He was tired but he’s had too much excitement for one day.”

“He seemed to enjoy himself, though. I think it was good for him to be with the other kids.”

“Is that your professional opinion?” Duran asked with a slight smile.

“It could be.” There were long moments of silence, weighted with things unsaid, and then Lia took a step back. “I should go. I’ll call you later about the testing once I’ve gotten a firm commitment on the time.”

“Lia…” In the dim light, his expression was unreadable, but she sensed his hesitation. “I know I keep asking, but would you stay? For just a little while? There’s a patio outside…” He let the suggestion trail off, leaving it to her to decide if any of this was a good idea.

She told herself there were no decisions to make—it was a bad idea, them alone together in a situation that could easily be misconstrued. Yet she succumbed too easily to the temptation to say yes and was nodding and following him out to the patio before the voice telling her to turn and leave could sound the alarm.

At the height of summer, the day’s heat had been brilliant, but in the deep evening darkness, the warmth had softened, tempered by a light breeze. Duran moved to stand by the low wall surrounding the patio, staring at the blended expanse of land and sky spread in front of them.

Uncertain of his mood, Lia tentatively approached him, taking a seat on the low wall a little distance from him. He hadn’t bothered with lights so she saw him largely in shadow, faintly lit by the dim aura of the lamp in the room behind and the pale glow of full moonlight in front.

“I hope this wasn’t a mistake,” he said, more to himself than to her.

“I don’t think so,” she said quietly. “This can be a good place, for you and for Noah. It could be healing in itself.”

“I’d say after today, the verdict is out on whether or not this is a good place for either of us,” he said, not looking at her.

“I didn’t mean here—the ranch—so much.” She followed his gaze. “I meant Luna Hermosa. It’s why I’ve stayed for so long. It’s the only place that’s ever felt like home.”

“You didn’t grow up here?”

“I didn’t grow up in any one place. My parents split up when I was three and I got bounced between the two of them. My mother in particular doesn’t like staying in one spot for too long.” The bitter edge to her words surprised her although she knew she’d been hoarding it up for years now. Quickly, she tried to bury it again, unwilling to expose her skeletons to Duran Forrester. “It doesn’t matter now. I hadn’t been here very long before I decided to adopt it as home.”

“I doubt Noah and I will ever call it home, but I’m going to give it a few days. At least until we know the test results.”

“I’ll try and make that happen as quickly as possible. I can imagine how you feel about having to wait, but if we can get everyone tested on Tuesday, we should know something by the end of next week, at the latest.”

He turned to her then. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, that you’re doing.”

“But…?”

“I wasn’t going to qualify it.”

“Not out loud. But I have the impression you think I’ve stepped in where I shouldn’t have. That I’ve gotten too involved in your personal business. Maybe I have,” she said before he could answer her. She could hear herself, knew she was doing what Nova had accused her of—throwing up obstacles to protect herself from getting in any deeper with Duran and his son. Standing up, she instinctively shifted toward the light and escape.

“Maybe you have,” Duran said, his flat agreement startling her, holding her in place. Then, with mingled regret and relief, when she thought she might be able to leave without having to confront her feelings, he knocked aside all her barriers with ridiculous ease. “But you care and I think you understand—”

“What it’s like to be afraid of losing someone you love?” she finished for him, and at his nod, thought, Oh, if you only knew.

“Duran…” She didn’t know what she was asking him, whether to stop or to continue.

He moved closer, close enough she had to look up to meet his steady gaze. Close enough for him to reach out, slowly, and trace his fingertips over her cheek.

“You’re not the only one who’s gone where they shouldn’t have,” he said softly.

“I don’t—” What? Feel this much, want this much, because of a man I hardly know? Unsettled, agitated by what she didn’t understand and her inability to control it, she finished, “I don’t know how to handle what’s happened between us. I didn’t expect to—care the way I do.”

“Neither did I. But it doesn’t seem to matter.”

“It’s the situation—Noah, and the timing, and your family,” she rushed out, grasping for a sensible explanation. “It makes everything seem more intense than it is.”

Looking doubtful, he said, “That’s part of it.”

“And you’re grateful—”

“I’m not that damned grateful, Lia.”

“You needed someone and I wanted to help.”

“No. That’s not it.”

Before she could find another reason to convince him that whatever imagined connection between them was nothing more than the heightened emotion of the circumstances, Duran slid his hand around her nape and kissed her.

She wanted it and it scared the hell out of her at the same time because of how much she wanted it. She could tell herself all day it was comfort he needed and she provided, but the feeling—too basic, too elemental—made that a lie. It was desire, although definitely not pure or simple. For long moments, she indulged it, leaning into his warmth, opening her mouth to his, taking as much as she gave because she knew it couldn’t last.

Stopping it herself would have been best. Instead, Duran abruptly ended it, letting her go and taking a step back. He looked slightly stunned, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just done. “Lia—”

“Forget it.” Unable to look him straight in the eye, she turned away. Running a hand over her hair, she was annoyed to find it trembling. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Do you really believe that?” The demand for honesty in his voice compelled her to face him.

“No,” she answered truthfully, “but I need to try. I shouldn’t—none of this is very professional of me.”

“It hasn’t been very professional between us from the beginning.”

“And that makes it okay?”

“No, it complicates the hell out of things,” he said bluntly. “But it doesn’t change the way they are.”

He was right but she didn’t want him to be; she wanted to pretend she could ignore it, dismiss it and move on. Duran and her own feelings wouldn’t let her.

Brushing her hand with his, he drew her eyes back to his. “We don’t have to figure it all out tonight. Just don’t expect me to pretend it didn’t happen.”

Lia shook her head, the only answer she could give him, and she wasn’t sure if she was agreeing or denying him. Both felt like the wrong choice.

Chapter Five

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting so long.” Lia hurried into the pediatrician’s patient room, interrupting Duran’s agitated pacing. “Overscheduling seems to be the rule these days,” she said, closing the door behind her.

The tension radiating from him was like a living thing in the room. He offered her little more than a terse nod in reply.

“Noah’s not with you?”

“Josh and Eliana offered to look after him while we talked. They’re meeting me here later,” he said tightly. “You said you’d rather talk to me alone.”

He didn’t look happy with that, but Lia knew it was better this way. “Did they bring Sammy along?” she asked, thinking Eliana’s little brother, only a year older than Noah, would have helped distract Noah from being away from his father again.

“Yeah, Noah was excited. He can’t get enough of his new family. Look, Lia, can we avoid the chitchat and get on with it? It’s been over a week and I don’t do waiting well, especially when it comes to this.”

Lia drew in a breath. She had rehearsed since the moment she’d gotten the results of his brothers’ blood tests. She had to make it clear that while there was hope, she could promise nothing at this point. And, despite the feelings, real or imagined, that had passed between Duran and her, first and foremost, she had to remain professional.

But more and more that obligation was becoming a challenge that was harder to meet. She’d deliberately avoided close contact with Duran in the past days, making sure the few times she did see him were because of Noah and always at the hospital or her office. It didn’t make it any easier to ignore the attraction between them and to pretend he’d never kissed her. She couldn’t ignore or forget, not with him ever present in her thoughts, despite her best efforts to relegate him to a safe father-of-patient status only.

He was watching her now with barely concealed impatience. Putting herself in doctor mode, she said, “I have good news.”

Duran stared at her, frozen in place, as if he were waiting for a blow and certain she was going to take her words back. “Go on.”

“Sawyer is a match for Noah.”

He said nothing, just stood there.

“It’s true, Duran,” Lia said softly. Moving close to him, she put a gentle hand on his arm. “Sawyer’s tests came back as a perfect match. There’s a very good chance he’ll be able to be a donor for Noah.”

A tremor passed over him and he swayed slightly, causing Lia to grab for the nearest chair and pull it near enough for him to collapse into it.

“I—I can’t believe…” he rasped. “All this time—and finally…” He leaned forward and dropped his head to his hands.

An ache tightened her chest and throat, threatening to become tears. All these years of fear and anguished waiting, wondering if and when he would lose his son forever. Had he ever truly let himself believe Noah had a chance for a normal life? Or had he resigned himself to the inevitable, certain that with so few close blood family members, the chance Noah would find a compatible donor in time was virtually impossible?

It wasn’t professional or even wise, but she didn’t care as she knelt beside him and put her arm around him; her instinct to comfort him was stronger than any common sense dictated.

His body shook with his effort to bank the tumult of emotions she knew he must be feeling. It touched her in a way for which she had no response except to tighten her hold, to offer him an anchor in the storm.

“It’s okay,” she murmured, stroking his hair. “You don’t always have to be strong. And you don’t always have to do it alone.”

“I told myself I had hope,” he said hoarsely. “That I believed this would happen.” He raised his head to look at her then, and his eyes were glazed with unshed tears. “When I couldn’t find a donor, though, and they told me it could be years, or never…” Leaning back in his chair, he squeezed his eyes shut, shoving his hands through his hair. “I wasn’t strong enough to believe it then.”

“Oh, Duran.” Lia touched her fingers to his face to bring his gaze to hers. “Noah has an excellent chance now. Once Sawyer knows, I’m certain he’ll more than willing to do whatever is necessary to help.”

His expression wavered, caught between desperately wanting to believe and being afraid it was all a mistake. “You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” she said firmly, her smile tempered by the need to be realistic with him. “But you realize this is only the first step along a long, rocky road ahead. They’ll be more tests and the transplant procedure itself, then the recovery time for Noah—none of it’s going to be short or easy.”

“But it is the first step, isn’t it? At last…Lia—” He caught her hands in his. “Thank you.”

Now it was her turn to try to contain a whirl of emotion—empathy for his years of waiting, relief that the test results opened up new possibilities, a fierce happiness knowing Duran’s faith had been renewed—so many feelings rushing her heart that if she tried to speak them it would be through tears. So she only nodded, and said quietly, “All I’ve done is arrange the testing. You’re the reason you and Noah have gotten this far.”

“You’ve done a lot more than that.” He shook his head, a dazed look in his eyes. “It’s still hard to believe that I came here looking for my father and found five brothers and now one of them is going to save Noah’s life.”

Lia ached to echo his newfound certainty, but didn’t dare. Duran needed to be positive now. His mindset would determine Noah’s attitude and that in turn would give Noah strength. But she had to keep a balance, stating the truth in careful terms, cautioning Duran, yet encouraging him in equal measure. From now on it would be a delicate line to walk, especially given the other complications of her burgeoning attraction to him and her deepening affection for his little boy.

“It’s true. Sawyer is a match and he may very well be the one to help Noah get well. But we’ve got dozens of details to work out now. You need to start by finding a transplant clinic. You may have to go out of state for that. But there is one in Albuquerque. There’s another in Dallas. I’ll be glad to liaison for you, but that decision is yours. And keep in mind, the wait time for the actual transplant could be several weeks and Noah’s recovery will be a lot longer.” She backed away and drew herself to her feet. “What I’m saying is that this is good news, but you both have a long way to go yet.”