The Little French Lawyer: A Comedy

1 Gent. Shall I entreat for what I may command?Lam. Think on my birth.1 Gent. Here I am only Noble,A King, and thou in my dominions, fool,A subject and a slave.Lam. Be not a Tyrant,A ravisher of honour, gentle Sir,And I will think ye such, and on my knees,As to my Soveraign, pay a Subjects duty,With prayers and tears.1 Gent. I like this humble carriage,I will walk by, but kneel you still and weep too,It shews well, while I meditate on the prey,Before I seize it.Lam. Is there no mercie, Heaven?

Enter second Gent. and Anabel.

2 Gent. Not kiss you?I will kiss and kiss again.Ana. Savage villain!My Innocence be my strength, I do defie thee,Thus scorn and spit at thee; will you come on Sir?You are hot, there is a cooler.2 Gent. A virago?Ana. No, loathsome Goat, more, more, I am that Goddess,That here with whips of steel in hell hereafterScourge rape and theft.2 Gent. I'le try your deity.Ana. My chastity, and this knife held by a Virgin,Against thy lust, thy sword and thee a Beast,Call on for the encounter.2 Gent. Now what think you?                     [Throws her and taks her Knife.Are you a Goddess?Ana. In me their power suffers,That should protect the Innocent.1 Gent. I am all fire,And thou shall quench it, and serve my pleasures.Come partner in the spoil and the reward,Let us enjoy our purchase.Lam. O Dinant!O Heaven! O Husband!Ana. O my Cleremont!1 Gent. Two are our slaves they call on, bring 'em forthAs they are chain'd together, let them seeAnd suffer in the object.

Enter Dinant, and Cleremont, bound by the rest of the Gent.

2 Gent. While we sitAnd without pity hear 'em.Cler. By my life,I suffer more for thee than for my self.Din. Be a man Cleremont, and look upon 'emAs such that not alone abus'd our service,Fed us with hopes most bitter in digestion,But when love fail'd, to draw on further mischief,The baits they laid for us, were our own honours,Which thus hath made us slaves too, worse than slaves.2 Gent. He dies.1 Gent. Pray hold, give him a little respite.Din. I see you now beyond expression wretched,The wit you brag'd of fool'd, that boasted honour,As you believ'd compass'd with walls of brass,To guard it sure, subject to be o'rethrownWith the least blast of lust.Lam. A most sad truth.Din. That confidence which was not to be shakenIn a perpetual fever, and those favours,Which with so strong and Ceremonious dutyYour lover and a Gentleman long sought for,Sought, sued, and kneel'd in vain for, must you yield upTo a licentious villain, that will hardlyAllow you thanks for't.Cler. Something I must say too,And to you pretty one, though crying one;To be hang'd now, when these worshipful benchers please,Though I know not their faces that condemn me,A little startles me, but a man is nothing,A Maidenhead is the thing, the thing all aim at;Do not you wish now, and wish from your heart too,When scarce sweet with my fears, I long lay by youThose fears you and your good Aunt put upon me,To make you sport, you had given a little hint,A touch or so, to tell me I was mortal,And by a mortal woman?Ana. Pray you no more.Cler. If I had loos'd that virgin Zone, observe me,I would have hired the best of all our PoetsTo have sung so much, and so well in the honourOf that nights joy, that Ovids afternoon,Nor his Corinna should again be mention'd.Ana. I do repent, and wish I had.Cler. That's comfort,But now—2 Gent. Another that will have it offer'd,Compel it to be offer'd, shall enjoy it.Cler. A rogue, a ruffian.2 Gent. As you love your throat,—1 Gent. Away with them.Ana. O Cleremont!Lam. O Dinant!Din. I can but add your sorrows to my sorrows,Your fears to my fears.Cler. To your wishes mine,This slave may prove unable to perform,Till I perform the task that I was born for.Ana. Amen, amen.1 Gent. Drag the slaves hence, for youA while I'le lock you up here, study all waysYou can to please me, or the deed being done,You are but dead.2 Gen. This strong Vault shall contain you,There think how many for your maidenheadHave pin'd away, and be prepar'd to lose itWith penitence.1 Gent. No humane help can save you.Ladyes. Help, help!2 Gent. You cry in vain, rocks cannot hear you.

Actus Quintus. Scena Prima

A Horrid noise of Musique within,

Enter one and opens the door, in which Lamira and

Anabel were shut, they in all fear.

Lam. O Cousin how I shake all this long night!What frights and noises we have heard, still they encrease,The villains put on shapes to torture us,And to their Devils form such preparationsAs if they were a hatching new dishonours,And fatal ruine, past dull mans invention.Goe not too far, and pray good Cousin Anabel,Hark a new noise.                     [A strange Musick. Sackbut & Troop Musick.Ana. They are exquisite in mischief,I will goe on, this room gives no protection,More than the next, what's that? how sad and hollow,The sound comes to us.                     [Thieves peeping. Louder.Lam. Groaning? or singing is it?Ana. The wind I think, murmuring amongst old rooms.Lam. Now it grows lowder, sure some sad presageOf our foul loss—look now they peep.Ana. Pox peep 'em.Lam. O give them gentle language.Ana. Give 'em rats-bane.                     [Peep above.Lam. Now they are above.Ana. I would they were i'th' Center.Lam. Thou art so foolish desperate.Ana. Since we must lose.Lam. Call 'em brave fellows, Gentlemen.Ana. Call 'em rogues,Rogues as they are, rude rogues, uncivil villains.Lam. Look an thou woo't beware, dost thou feel the danger?Ana. Till the danger feel me, thus will I talk still,And worse when that comes too; they cannot eat me.This is a punishment, upon our own pridesMost justly laid; we must abuse brave Gentlemen,Make 'em tame fools, and hobby-horses, laugh and jear atSuch men too, and so handsom and so Noble,That howsoe're we seem'd to carry it—Wou'd 'twere to do again.Lam. I do confess cousin,I was too harsh, too foolish.Ana. Do you feel it?Do you find it now? take heed o'th' punishment,We might have had two gallant Gentlemen,Proper, young, O how it tortures me!Two Devils now, two rascals, two and twenty—Lam. O think not so.Ana. Nay an we 'scape so modestly—Lam. May we be worthy any eyes, or knowledge,When we are used thus?Ana. Why not? why do you cry?Are we not women still? what were we made for?Lam. But thus, thus basely—Ana. 'Tis against our [w]ills,And if there come a thousand so,—Lam. Out on thee.Ana. You are a fool, what we cannot resist,Why should we grieve and blush for? there be women,And they that bear the name of excellent womenWould give their whole estates to meet this fortune.Lam. Hark, a new noise.                     [New sound within.Ana. Let 'em goe on, I fear not,If wrangling, fighting and scratching cannot preserve me,Why so be it Cousin; if I be ordain'dTo breed a race of rogues.—

Enter four over the stage with Beaupre, and Verdone, bound and halters about their necks.

Lam. They come.Ana. Be firm,They are welcom.Lam. What mask of death is this? O my dear Brother.Ana. My Couz too; why now y'are glorious villains.Lam. O shall we lose our honours?Ana. Let 'em goe,When death prepares the way, they are but Pageants.Why must these dye?Beau. Lament your own misfortunes,We perish happily before your ruins.Ana. Has mischief ne'r a tongue?1 Gent. Yes foolish woman,Our Captains will is death.Ana. You dare not do it.Tell thy base boisterous Captain what I say,Thy lawless Captain that he dares not;Do you laugh you rogue? you pamper'd rogue?Lam. Good Sir,Good Cousin gently, as y'are a Gentleman,—Ana. A Gentleman? a slave, a dog, the devils harbinger.Lam. Sir as you had a Mother.Ana. He a Mother?Shame not the name of Mother, a she BearA bloody old wolf bitch, a woman Mother?Looks that rude lump, as if he had a Mother?Intreat him? hang him, do thy worst, thou dar'st not,Thou dar'st not wrong their lives, thy Captain dares not,They are persons of more price.Ver. What e're we sufferLet not your angers wrong you.Ana. You cannot suffer,The men that do this deed, must live i'th' moonFree from the gripe of Justice.Lam. Is it not better?Ana. Is it not better? let 'em goe on like rascalsAnd put false faces on; they dare not do it;Flatter such scabbs of nature?Gent. Woman, womanThe next work is with you.Ana. Unbind those Gentlemen,And put their fatal fortunes on our necks.Lam. As you have mercy do.Ana. As you are monsters.Lam. Fright us no more with shipwrack of our honoursNor if there be a guilt by us committedLet it endanger those.Ana. I say they dare not,There be a thousand gallouses, ye rogues,Tortures, ye bloody rogues, wheels.Gent. Away.Lam. Stay.Ana. Stay.Stay and I'le flatter too: good sweet fac'd Gentlemen,You excellent in honesty; O Kinsmen!O Noble kinsmen!Gent. Away with 'em.                     [Ex. Ver. Beaup. and Gent.Ana. Stay yet.The Devil and his lovely dam walk with you,Come fortify your self, if they do dy,Which all their ruggedness cannot rack into me,They cannot find an hour more Innocent,Nor more friends to revenge 'em.

Enter Cleremont, disguis'd.

Lam. Now stand constant,For now our tryal's come.Cler. This beautie's mine,Your minute moves not yet.Lam. She sinks if Christian,If any spark of noble heat.—Cler. Rise LadyAnd fearless rise, there's no dishonour meant you,Do you know my tongue?Ana. I have heard it.Cler. Mark it better,I am one that loves you, fairly, nobly loves you,Look on my face?Ana. O Sir?Cler. No more words, softlyHark, but hark wisely how, understand well,Suspect not, fear not.Ana. You have brought me comfort.Cler. If you think me worthy of your husband,I am no rogue nor Begger, if you dare do thus—Ana. You are Monsieur Cleremont.Cler. I am the same,If you dare venture, speak, if not I leave you,And leave you to the mercy of these villainsThat will not wooe ye much.Ana. Save my reputation,And free me from these slaves.Cler. By this kiss I'le do it,And from the least dishonour they dare aim at you,I have a Priest too, shall be ready.Ana. You are forward.Lam. Is this my constant cousin? how she whispers,Kisses and huggs the thief!Ana. You'l offer nothing.Cler. Till all be tyed,Not as I am a Gentleman.Ana. Can you relieve my Aunt too?Cler. Not yet Mistris,But fear nothing, all shall be well, away quicklyIt must be done i'th' moment or—Ana. I am with ye.Cler. I'le know now who sleeps by me, keep your standing.[Ex. Cler. and Anabel.Lam. Well, go thy way, and thine own shame dwell with thee.Is this the constancy she shew'd, the bravery?The dear love and the life she ow'd her kinsmen?O brave tongue, valiant glorious woman!Is this the noble anger you arriv'd at?Are these the thieves you scorn'd, the rogues you rail'd at?The scabs and scums of nature? O fair modesty,Excellent vertue, whither art thou fled?What hand O Heaven is over us, when strong virginsYield to their fears, and to their fears their fortunes?Never belief come near me more, farewel wench,A long farewel from all that ever knew thee:My turn is next,I am resolv'd, it comesBut in a nobler shape, ha?

Enter Dinant.

Din. Blesse ye Lady.Lam. Indeed Sir, I had need of many blessings,For all the hours I have had since I came here,Have been so many curses. How got you liberty?For I presume you come to comfort me.Din. To comfort you, and love you, 'tis most true,My bondage was as yours, as full of bitternessAnd every hour my death.Lam. Heaven was your comfort.Din. Till the last evening, sitting full of sadness,Wailing, sweet Mistris, your unhappy fortunes,(Mine own I had the least care of) round about meThe Captain and the company stood gaping,When I began the story of my loveTo you fair Saint, and with so full a sorrow,Follow'd each point, that even from those rude eyes,That never knew what pity meant or mercy,There stole down soft relentings: take heed Mistris,And let not such unholy hearts outdo you,The soft plum'd god will see again; thus taken,As men transform'd with the strange tale I told,They stood amaz'd, then bid me rise and live,Take liberty and means to see your person,And wisht me prosperous in your love, wish you so,Be wise and loving Lady, shew but you so.Lam. O Sir, are these fit hours to talk of love in?Shall we make fools of our afflictions?Can any thing sound sweetly in mine ears,Where all the noise of bloody horrour is?My Brother, and my Cousin, they are dead Sir,Dead, basely dead, is this an age to fool in?And I my self, I know not what I shall be,Yet I must thank you, and if happilyYou had ask'd me yesterday, when these were living,And my fears less, I might have hearkned to you.Din. Peace to your grief, I bind you to your word.

Enter Cleremont, Anabel, Beaupre, Verdone, Charlote, Nurse, the two Gentlemen.

Lam. How? do you conjure?Din. Not to raise dreadfull apparitions, Madam,But such as you would gladly see.Lam. My Brother, and nephew living?Beau. And both owe their livesTo the favour of these Gentlemen.Verd. Who deserveOur service, and for us, your gracious thanks.Lam. Which I give freely, and become a suitor,To be hereafter more familiar                     [Kisse.With such great worth and vertue.1 Gent. Ever think usYour servants, Madam.Cler. Why if thou wilt needs knowHow we are freed, I will discover it,And with laconick brevity: these GentlemenThis night incountring with those outlaws thatYesterday made us prisoners, and as we wereAttempted by 'em they with greater courage,(I am sure with better fortune) not alone,Guarded themselves, but forc'd the bloody thieves,Being got between them, and this hellish Cave,For safety of their lives, to fly up higherInto the woods, all left to their possession,This sav'd your Brother, and your nephew fromThe gibbet, this redeem'd me from my Chains,And gave my friend his liberty, this preserv'dYour honour ready to be lost.Din. But thatI know this for a ly, and that the thievesAnd gentlemen, are the same men, by my practiceSuborn'd to this, he does deliver itWith such a constant brow, that I am doubtfull,I should believe him too.1 Gent. If we did well,We are rewarded.2 Gent. Thanks but takes awayFrom what was freely purpos'd.Cler. Now by this hand,You have so cunningly discharg'd your parts,That while we live, rest confident you shallCommand Dinant and Cleremont; nor Beaupre,Nor Verdone scents it: for the Ladies, theyWere easie to be gull'd.1 Gent. 'Twas but a jest,And yet the jest may chance to break our necksShould it be known.Cler. Fear nothing.Din. Cleremont,Say, what success?Cler. As thou wouldst wish, 'tis done Lad,The grove will witness with me, that this nightI lay not like a block: but how speed you?Din. I yet am in suspence, devise some meansTo get these off, and speedily.Cler. I have it,Come, we are dull, I think that the good fellows,Our predecessors in this place, were notSo foolish, and improvident husbands, but'Twill yield us meat and wine.1 Gent. Let's ransack it,'Tis ours now by the Law.Cler. How say you sweet one,Have you an appetite?Ana. To walk againI'th' Woods, if you think fit, rather than eat.Cler. A little respite prethee; nay blush not,You ask but what's your own, and warrantable:Monsieur, Beaupre, Verdone,What think you of the motion?Verd. Lead the way.Beau. We follow willingly.                     [Ex. Man. Din. and Lam.Cler. When you shall think fit,We will expect you.Din. Now be mistris ofYour promise Lady.Lam. 'Twas to give you hearing.Din. But that word hearing, did include a grant,And you must make it good.Lam. Must?Din. Must and shall,I will be fool'd no more, you had your tricks;Made properties of me, and of my friend;Presum'd upon your power, and whip'd me withThe rod of mine own dotage: do not flatterYour self with hope, that any humane helpCan free you, and for aid by miracleA base unthankfull woman is unworthy.Lam. You will not force me?Din. Rather than enjoy youWith your consent, because I will torment you;I'le make you feel the effects of abus'd love,And glory in your torture.Lam. Brother, Nephew,Help, help, for Heavens sake.Din. Tear your throat, cry louder,Though every leaf, these trees bear, were an Echo,And summon'd in your best friends to redeem you,It should be fruitless: 'tis not that I love you,Or value those delights you prize so high,That I'le enjoy you, a French crown will buyMore sport, and a companion, to whom,You in your best trim are an Ethiop.Lam. Forbear me then.Din. Not so, I'le do't in spite,And break that stubborn disobedient will,That hath so long held out, that boasted honourI will make equal with a common Whores;The spring of Chastity, that fed your pride,And grew into a River of vain glory,I will defile with mudd, the mudd of lust,And make it loathsome even to goats.Lam. O Heaven!No pity Sir?Din. You taught me to be cruel,And dare you think of mercy? I'le tell thee fool,Those that surpriz'd thee, were my instruments,I can plot too good Madam, you shall find it:And in the stead of licking of my fingers,Kneeling and whining like a boy new breech'd,To get a toy forsooth, not worth an apple,Thus make my way, and with AuthorityCommand what I would have.Lam. I am lost for ever:Good Sir, I do confess my fault, my gross fault,And yield my self up, miserable guilty;Thus kneeling I confess, you cannot studySufficient punishments to load me with;I am in your power, and I confess again,You cannot be too cruel: if there be,Besides the loss of my long guarded honour,Any thing else to make the ballance even,Pray put it in, all hopes, all helpes have left me;I am girt round with sorrow, hell's about me,And ravishment the least that I can look for,Do what you please.Din. Indeed I will do nothing,Nor touch nor hurt you Lady, nor had everSuch a lewd purpose.Lam. Can there be such goodness,And in a man so injur'd?Din. Be confirm'd in't.I seal it thus: I must confess you vex'd me,In fooling me so often, and those fearsYou threw upon me call'd for a requital,Which now I have return'd, all unchast loveDinant thus throws away; live to man-kind,As you have done to me, and I will honourYour vertue, and no more think of your beauty.Lam. All I possess, comes short of satisfaction.Din. No complements: the terrours of this nightImagine but a fearfull dream, and soWith ease forget it: for Dinant, that labour'dTo blast your honour, is a Champion for it,And will protect and guard it.Lam. 'Tis as safe then,As if a compleat Army undertook it.                     [Exeunt.

Enter La-writ, Sampson, Clyents.

La-writ. Do not perswade me gentle Monsieur Sampson,I am a mortal man again, a Lawyer,My martiall part I have put off.Sam. Sweet Monsieur,Let but our honours teach us.La-writ. Monsieur Sampson,My honourable friend, my valiant friend,Be but so beaten, forward my brave Clients,I am yours, and you are mine again, be but so thrasht,Receive that Castigation with a cudgel.Sam. Which calls upon us for a Reparation.La-writ. I have, it cost me half a crown, I bear itAll over me, I bear it Monsieur Sampson;The oyls, and the old woman that repairs to me,To 'noint my beaten body.Sam. It concerns you,You have been swing'd.La-writ. Let it concern thee too;Goe and be beaten, speak scurvy words, as I did,Speak to that Lion Lord, waken his anger,And have a hundred Bastinado's, doe;Three broken pates, thy teeth knockt out, do Sampson,Thy valiant arms and leggs beaten to Poultesses,Do silly Sampson, do.1 Cly. You wrong the Gentleman,To put him out of his right mind thus:You wrong us, and our Causes.La-writ. Down with him Gentlemen,Turn him, and beat him, if he break our peace,Then when thou hast been Lam'd, thy small guts perisht,Then talk to me, before I scorn thy counsel,Feel what I feel, and let my Lord repair thee.Sam. And can the brave La-writ—2 Cly. Tempt him no further,Be warn'd and say no more.La-writ. If thou doest, Sampson,Thou seest my Mirmidons, I'le let 'em loose,That in a moment—Sam. I say nothing, Sir, but I could wish—La-writ. They shall destroy thee wishing;There's ne'r a man of these, but have lost ten causes,Dearer then ten mens lives; tempt, and thou diest:Goe home, and smile upon my Lord, thine Uncle,Take Mony of the men thou mean'st to Cousin,Drink Wine, and eat good meat, and live discreetly,Talk little, 'tis an antidote against a beating;Keep thy hand from thy sword, and from thy Laundress placket,And thou wilt live long.1 Cly. Give ear, and be instructed.La-writ. I find I am wiser than a Justice of Peace now,Give me the wisdom that's beaten into a manThat sticks still by him: art thou a new man?Sam. Yes, yes,Thy learned precepts have inchanted me.La-writ. Goe my son Sampson, I have now begot thee,I'le send thee causes; speak to thy Lord, and live,And lay my share by, goe and live in peace,Put on new suits, and shew fit for thy place;That man neglects his living, is an Asse:                     [Exit Samp.Farewel; come chearily boyes, about our business,Now welcom tongue again, hang Swords.1 Cly. Sweet Advocate.                     [Exeunt.

Enter Nurse, and Charlote.

Nur. I know not wench, they may call 'em what they will,Outlawes, or thieves, but I am sure, to meOne was an honest man, he us'd me well,What I did, 'tis no matter, he complain'd not.Char. I must confess, there was one bold with me too,Some coy thing would say rude, but 'tis no matter,I was to pay a Waiting womans ransom,And I have don't, and I would pay't again,Were I ta'n to morrow.Nur. Alas, there was no hurt,If 't be a sin for such as live at hard meat,And keep a long Lent, in the woods as they do,To taste a little flesh.Char. God help the Courtiers,That lye at rack and manger.Nur. I shall loveA thief the better for this while I live,They are men of a charitable vocation,And give where there is need, and with discretion,And put a good speed penny in my purse,That has been empty twenty years.Char. Peace Nurse,Farewel, and cry not rost meat, me thinks CleremontAnd my Lady Anabel are in one night,Familiarly acquainted.Nur. I observe it,If she have got a penny too.

Enter Vertaign, Champernel, and Provost.

Charl. No more,My Lord Monsieur Vertaigne, the provost too,Haste and acquaint my Lady.                     [Ex. Nur. and Char.Pro. Wonderous strange.Vert. 'Tis true Sir, on my credit.Cham. O mine honour.Pro. I have been provost-Marshal twenty years,And have trussed up a thousand of these rascals,But so near Paris yet I never met withOne of that Brotherhood.Cham. We to our cost have,But will you search the wood?Pro. It is beset,They cannot scape us, nothing makes me wonder,So much as having you within their powerThey let you goe; it was a Courtesy,That French thieves use not often, I much pityThe Gentle Ladies, yet I know not how,I rather hope than fear.

Enter Dinant, Cleremont, Verdone, Beaupre, Lamira, Anabel, Charlote, Nurse.