The Spanish Curate: A Comedy

Take us to mercy too, we beseech your honour,We shall be justified the way of all flesh else.

Jam.

No more talk, nor no more dissention lawyer,I know your anger, 'tis a vain and slight one,For if you doe, I'le lay your whole life open,A life that all the world shall—I'le bring witness,And rip before a Judge the ulcerous villanies,You know I know ye, and I can bring witness.

Bar.

Nay good Sir, noble Sir.

Jam.

Be at peace then presently,Immediatley take honest and fair truceWith your good wife, and shake hands with that Gentleman;H'as honour'd ye too much, and doe it cheerfully.

Lop.

Take us along, for Heaven sake too.

Bar.

I am friends,There is no remedie, I must put up all,And like my neighbours rub it out by th' shoulders,And perfect friends; Leandro now I thank ye,And there's my hand, I have no more grudge to ye,But I am too mean henceforward for your Companie.

Lea.

I shall not trouble ye.

Ars.

We will be friends too.

Mil.

Nay Lawyer, you shall not fright us farther,For all your devils we will bolt.

Bar.

I grant ye,The Gentleman's your Bail, and thank his coming,Did not he know me too well, you should smart for't;Goe all in peace, but when ye fool next, Gentlemen,Come not to me to Breakfast.

Die.

I'le be bak'd first.

Bar.

And pray ye remember, when ye are bold and merry,The Lawyers Banquet, and the Sawce he gave ye.

Jam.

Come: goe along; I have employment for ye,Employment for your lewd brains too, to cool ye,For all, for every one.

All.

We are all your Servants.

Die.

All, all for any thing, from this day forwardI'le hate all Breakfasts, and depend on dinners.

Jam.

I am glad you come off fair.

Lea.

The fair has blest me.

[Exeunt.

SCENA III

Enter Octavi[o], Jacinta, [Ascanio].

Oct.

This is the place, but why we are appointedBy Don Jamie to stay here, is a depthI cannot sound.

Asc.

Believ't he is too nobleTo purpose any thing but for our good.Had I assurance of a thousand lives,And with them perpetuitie of pleasure,And should lose all, if he prov'd only false,Yet I durst run the hazard.

Jac.

'Tis our comfort,We cannot be more wretched than we are,And death concludes all misery.

Oct.

Undiscovered

Enter Henrique, Jamie.

We must attend him.

Asc.

Our stay is not long.With him Don Henrique?

Jac.

Now I fear;Be silent.

Hen.

Why dost thou follow me?

Jam.

To save your life,A plot is laid for't, all my wrongs forgot,I have a Brothers Love.

Hen.

But thy false selfI fear no enemy.

Jam.

You have no friend,But what breathes in me: If you move a stepBeyond this ground you tread on, you are lost.

Hen.

'Tis by thy practice then: I am sent hitherTo meet her, that prefers my life and safetieBefore her own.

Jam.

That you should be abus'd thusWith weak credulitie! She for whose sakeYou have forgot we had one noble Father,Or that one Mother bare us, for whose loveYou brake a contract to which heaven was witness,To satisfie whose pride and wilfull humourYou have expos'd a sweet and hopefull SonTo all the miseries that want can bring him,And such a Son, though you are most obdurate,To give whom entertainment SavagesWould quit their Caves themselves, to keep him fromBleak cold and hunger: This dissembling woman,This Idol, whom you worship, all your loveAnd service trod under her feet, designs youTo fill a grave, or dead to lye a preyFor Wolves and Vulturs.

Hen.

'Tis false; I defie thee,And stand upon my Guard.

Enter Leandro, Milanes, Arsenio, Bart, Lopez, Diego,

Octavio, Jacinta, Ascanio, and Servants.

Jam.

Alas, 'tis weak:Come on, since you will teach me to be cruel,By having no faith in me, take your fortune,Bring the rest forth, and bind them fast.

Oct.

My Lord.

Asc.

In what have we offended?

Jam.

I am deaf,And following my will, I do not standAccomptable to reason: See her Ring(The first pledge of your love, and service to her)Deliver'd as a Warrant for your death:These Bags of gold you gave up to her trust,(The use of which you did deny your self)Bestow'd on me, and with a prodigal hand,Whom she pick'd forth to be the ArchitectOf her most bloudy building; and to feeThese Instruments, to bring MaterialsTo raise it up, she bad me spare no cost,And (as a surplusage) offer'd her selfTo be at my devotion.

Hen.

O accurs'd!

Jam.

But be incredulous still; think this my plot;Fashion excuses to your self, and swearThat she is innocent, that she doats on ye;Believe this, as a fearfull Dream, and thatYou lie not at my mercy, which in thisI will shew only: She her self shall giveThe dreadfull Sentence, to remove all scrupleWho 'tis that sends you to the other world.

Enter Violante.

Appears my Violante? speak (my dearest)Do's not the object please you?

Viol.

More than ifAll treasure that's above the earth, with that,That lyes conceal'd in both the Indian Mines,Were laid down at my feet: O bold Jamy,Thou only canst deserve me.

Jam.

I am forward,And (as you easily may perceive,) I sleep notOn your commands.

Enter Assistant, and Officers.

Viol.

But yet they live: I look'dTo find them dead.

Jam.

That was deferr'd, that youMight triumph in their misery, and have the powerTo say they are not.

Viol.

'Twas well thought upon:This kiss, and all the pleasures of my BedThis night, shall thank thee.

Hen.

Monster!

Viol.

You Sir, thatWould have me Mother Bastards, being unableTo honour me with one Child of mine own,That underneath my roof, kept your cast-Strumpet,And out of my Revenues would maintainHer riotous issue: now you find what 'tisTo tempt a woman: with as little feelingAs I turn off a slave, that is unfitTo doe me service; or a horse, or dogThat have out-liv'd their use, I shake thee off,To make thy peace with heaven.

Hen.

I do deserve this,And never truly felt before, what sorrowAttends on wilfull dotage.

Viol.

For you, Mistris,That had the pleasure of his youth before me,And triumph'd in the fruit that you had by him,But that I think, to have the Bastard strangledBefore thy face, and thou with speed to followThe way he leads thee, is sufficient torture,I would cut off thy nose, put out thine eyes,And set my foot on these bewitching lips,That had the start of mine: but as thou art,Goe to the grave unpitied.

Assist.

Who would believeSuch rage could be in woman?

Viol.

For this fellow,He is not worth my knowledge.

Jam.

Let him live then,Since you esteem him innocent.

Viol.

No Jamy,He shall make up the mess: now strike together,And let them fall so.

Assist.

Unheard of crueltie!I can endure no longer: seise on her.

Viol.

Am I betrai'd?Is this thy faith, Jamy?

Jam.

Could your desiresChallenge performance of a deed so horrid?Or, though that you had sold your self to hell,I should make up the bargain? Live (dear Brother)Live long, and happy: I forgive you freely;To have done you this service, is to meA fair Inheritance: and how e're harsh language(Call'd on by your rough usage) pass'd my lips,In my heart I ever lov'd you: all my laboursWere but to shew, how much your love was cozen'd,When it beheld it self in this false Glass,That did abuse you; and I am so farFrom envying young Ascanio his good fortune,That if your State were mine, I would adopt him,These are the Murtherers my noble friends,Which (to make trial of her bloudy purpose)I won, to come disguis'd thus.

Hen.

I am too fullOf grief, and shame to speak: but what I'le doe,Shall to the world proclaim my penitence;And howsoever I have liv'd, I'le dieA much chang'd man.

Jam.

Were it but possibleYou could make satisfaction to this woman,Our joyes were perfect.

Hen.

That's my only comfort,That it is in my power: I ne're was marriedTo this bad woman, though I doted on her,But daily did defer it, still expectingWhen grief would kill Jacintha.

Assist.

All is come out,And finds a fair success: take her Don Henrique,And once again embrace your Son.

Hen.

Most gladly.

Assist.

Your Brother hath deserv'd all.

Hen.

And shall shareThe moitie of my State.

Assist.

I have heard, advocate,What an ill Instrument you have been to him,From this time strengthen him with honest counsels,As you'le deserve my pardon.

Bar.

I'le change my Copy:But I am punish'd, for I fear I have hadA smart blow, though unseen.

Assist.

Curate, and Sexton,I have heard of you too, let me hear no more,And what's past, is forgotten; For this woman,Though her intent were bloody, yet our LawCalls it not death: yet that her punishmentMay deter others from such bad attempts,The dowry she brought with her, shall be emploi'dTo build a Nunnery, where she shall spendThe remnant of her life.

Viol.

Since I have miss'd my ends,I scorn what can fall on me.

Assist.

The strict disciplineOf the Church, will teach you better thoughts. And Signiors,You that are Batchelours, if you ever marry,In Bartolus you may behold the issueOf Covetousness and Jealousie; and of dotage,And falshood in Don Henrique: keep a mean then;For be assured, that weak man meets all ill,That gives himself up to a womans will.

[Exeunt.

Prologue

To tell ye (Gentlemen,) we have a Play,A new one too, and that 'tis launch'd to day,The Name ye know, that's nothing to my Story;To tell ye, 'tis familiar, void of Glory,Of State, of Bitterness: of wit you'll say,For that is now held wit, that tends that way,Which we avoid: To tell ye too 'tis merry,And meant to make ye pleasant, and not weary:The Stream that guides ye, easie to attend:To tell ye that 'tis good, is to no end,If you believe not. Nay, to goe thus far,To swear it, if you swear against, is war.To assure you any thing, unless you see,And so conceive, is vanity in me;Therefore I leave it to it self, and prayLike a good Bark, it may work out to day,And stem all doubts; 'twas built for such a proof,And we hope highly: if she lye aloofFor her own vantage, to give wind at will,Why let her work, only be you but still,And sweet opinion'd, and we are bound to say,You are worthy Judges, and you crown the Play.

Epilogue

The Play is done, yet our Suit never ends,Still when you part, you would still part our friends,Our noblest friends; if ought have faln amiss,O let it be sufficient, that it is,And you have pardon'd it. In Buildings greatAll the whole Body cannot be so neat,But something may be mended; Those are fair,And worthy love, that may destroy, but spare.

APPENDIX

Ad JanumTake Comfort Janus, never feare thy headWhich to the quick belongs, not to the deadThy wife did lye with one, thou being dead drunkeThou are not Cuckold though shee bee a Punke.Tis not the state nor soveraintie of Jovecould draw thy pure affections from my lovenor is there Venus in the Skyescould from thy looks with draw my greedy eyes.