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Despite all of this a little tiny voice says: Are you sure, Lauren? We haven’t even known each other for a year and he has moved mountains to be with me. And that’s when the other voice pops up and bops that one on the head. Hello. Do we need a sound check? This is love. I would be a fool not to recognize it. And I am no fool. I graduated summa cum laude after all. This does stand for something. Those aren’t just passed out like a ribbon for showing up. They take effort. And I’m a manager of my own team. Again, proof of my abilities. All of this should be a further acknowledgement that when I see something I want, I get it. Like Jack. I’ve got him and he’s got me…for eternity. That’s what we have together. The idea of time and aging with Jack doesn’t freak me out—it warms my heart.
His architecture firm is slowly building here and he hired extra staff to take care of Vintage Estates—his family business back in Texas. It’s how we met. My grandmother has an apartment at Vintage Estates. It’s a nice retirement community in Georgetown. She basically set us up, literally and figuratively. All in the name of pecans. I will never forget the day I was in dire need of an extra two ounces of nuts and Jack came to my rescue.
I take in a deep breath and turn the ignition off in my car. Jack has semi-moved into my townhouse in Baltimore. He has his own house in Texas. He wants us to get a bigger house together once we are married. But I don’t see why we need it at this point. My house is plenty big enough for us. What more could we need when we have each other? We both have our careers and I have a very comfy bed. And—even better—Jack is a part of a wine of the month club so we have an endless supply. Which again begs the question of why we would need anything more than this? Shelter, love, and wine. I’m sure Shakespeare must have said something about that. If not, he should have.
I reach for the doorknob and Jack pulls it open. He never ceases to surprise me. He’s wearing a buttoned-down green plaid shirt and khaki shorts. Jack’s blue eyes light up like a candle that’s being lit for the very first time. He leans in and kisses me like he hasn’t seen me in a month. His arms are reaching behind me and pulling me into the house. The door shuts and his hands are running all over my body.
“I hope you found a dress because I don’t want to have another long Saturday without you.” Jack breathes into my ear and my scalp is tingling all over. I meet each of his kisses with my own. My tongue finds his and we engage in a long sensual samba of sensations.
“Is this what you meant about taste buds?” I tug on his lip.
Jack pulls back. “No, but I like your way of thinking.” He guides me to the kitchen where several cakes are sitting on the counters.
I jerk my head back. “I see you’ve been baking?”
“Yes, although I had to do quite a bit of shopping first. The only pan you own is for pies.” Jack chortles. “Was the apple pie the only thing you’ve ever baked here?”
I blink my eyelashes, realization hitting me. Shiat. He has found my stash!
I don’t bake—despite my grandmother asking me to make our family’s pecan pie over Thanksgiving in Texas and then over the summer insisting I enter an apple pie contest. But that sums up my baking experience. Well, I did make Jack a special red velvet cake over Christmas too, but that was in his house and I borrowed my mom’s baking dishes.
I swallow hard and stride to the oven. It’s empty. Of course it is. It would have to be if Jack had been baking. I turn around and meet his cool blues.
“Are you looking for these?” Jack holds up one of my snow globes. My eyes practically fall from my head. I want to dive into the globe and let the gelatinous water and snowflakes cover me, completely buried, hidden from this moment.
I twist my lips from side to side, trying to find something to say. Anything. Obviously he knows the forty something snow globes are mine. But how to explain them and why they are in my oven? I let out a deep breath.
Jack shakes the little globe and inspects the label. “Rome.” He nods. “Interesting, but I’m not sure when Rome has seen any snow?” He laughs.
I let out a small laugh, not because I think what he’s said is funny—maybe in another moment but not this one. The tiny giggle is my attempt at breathing. I’m more embarrassed than I could ever be in front of him.
Jack leans back and grabs another one. “Ah, now see the snow makes sense in this one: Innsbruck!” He places it back down and gestures to the globes. “Have you been to all of these places?”
I swallow. “Some of them.”
Jack’s eyebrows furrow. “Were the others gifts to you from other people’s trips?”
My lips flatline. Beep beep beeeeeeeeep. The flame against my cheeks is so hot, it’s like I’m at an erupting volcano and no one warned me. Instead I’m stuck, sinking like I’m in quicksand, not knowing how to explain this.
“No.”
Jack raises an eyebrow at me. “No?”
“No.” I shake my head as if it’s added confirmation of what I’m saying.
“Then why do you have them?”
My shoulders lift up past my ears, as if they want to sprout wings and flap me out of this kitchen and this horribly embarrassing moment.
I let out a deep breath. “I buy them at yard sales and eBay… It’s just a collection.” I shrug my shoulders. There, I said it. No big deal. I’m sure we can move on from this moment.
“You buy snow globes of places you haven’t been yet and store them in your oven?” Jack runs his hand through his hair.
Damn. Now I seem like a crazy cat lady or something.
“I didn’t want them collecting dust all over my place. And since I don’t use the oven that much it seemed like a good spot. When I’m feeling down I peek at them in the oven and see all the possibilities.” I swallow. No one knows about my snow globes. No one. Not even Brianna. This is my secret that Jack now knows. I’m a ball of emotions and my insecurities are about to roll onto the floor and say, “Yes, I’m weird… Am I too weird for you?”
Jack smiles, pulls me into his arms and kisses my head. “I love you.”
My head tingles and a little rush of warmth flows down my neck and over my shoulders, making its way to my heart. He doesn’t care about my wacky collection. Can this be true? God, I love this man. He is so much more than I could have ever dreamed up in my mind. And my mind is a vast place full of all sorts of wild ideas and images. But Jack isn’t an image. He’s real. He’s going to be my husband. Wow. I take a step back and grip the counter. I don’t want to faint in the kitchen with the mere concept of how great Jack is. Especially given he is standing in front of me.
Jack flashes me a full-teeth grin. “Now that we’ve gotten your secret collection out of the way, which one do you want to try first? Let me guess—the fresh strawberries and sponge cake?”
I flutter my eyelashes. I’m not sure. “How about the white cake with raspberry crème and a drizzle from the red dish…mmm…oh and maybe a few drops of the chocolate fudge?”
Jack nods. “Good, start off simple.”
I roll my eyes while he cuts a slice of the white cake and covers it with the raspberry frosting, red glaze, and then drizzles the chocolate over the top in a zigzag motion. He takes a piece with a fork and offers it to me. The cake is fluffy and sweet and incredibly delicious. I want to say yes, this is the cake, but like the dress there are several more options to choose from on the counter and I can’t immediately fall in love with this one…or can I?
And I don’t want to end this sampling moment. Just like the dresses, which were fun to try on. So many possibilities. So many choices. I don’t want to peak too soon on the cake. It’s got to rise slowly and have the exact amount of bounce to it when it comes out of the oven. The cake is like the dress, each one has to be made with the right ingredients or fabric, sewn together with precision or mixed with care and then finalized in the oven or over me. Yes. I want to take my time with each one. I’ve got to find the perfect dress and cake. This is important. Just like Jack—he is so important. I owe it to both of us to be patient.
“Well?”
“It’s really good.” I take another bite. “Like it’s so good I almost don’t even want to try the others.” I let out a small laugh. “Is that bad?”
“No, it’s not bad. It shows you know what you want and you aren’t indecisive. I love it. And everything else about you. But since we have all this cake I think we need to eat it…yes?” Jack cocks his head to the right.
“Yes, I think it’s important for us to keep going and taste all of them. But there is no way I can eat all of that cake. Let me just sample each of them or I won’t be able to fit into any wedding dress, period.” I eye the cake and already feel the pounds attaching to my hips. “That’s enough to feed, like, ten pregnant women.”
“More reason to eat up. Once you’re pregnant you might lose your appetite for cake. Enjoy it now.” Jack wiggles his eyebrows at me while he takes another bite.
“Well that will not be happening anytime soon, so I’ve got plenty of time to enjoy cake.” I pop another piece in my mouth and melt at how good it is. I’m in heaven until I see Jack’s frown. “What?”
“When you say ‘not anytime soon’, what does that mean?” He sounds a little hurt almost.
“Well, just not anytime soon. We’re not even married yet.”
“Yes, but I figured as soon as we were, we could start trying.”
My eyes bulge. The wedding is only three months away. If we had a honeymoon baby I’d be delivering this time next year. I’m so not ready for that! “Jack, I’m not ready to be pregnant. I’ve been a manager for a less than a year; I’ve still got ground to cover in my career.” I place my fork on the plate.
Jack’s eyebrows wrinkle. “But what about our babies that are ready to be born?”
I roll my eyes. “They need to listen to their mama and wait.”
Jack laughs. “Fine, but I reserve the right to open this discussion again at another time.” He looks at me expectantly.
I nod. Of course we can talk about children. We both want them; I’m just not ready to have them yet.
He nods back and smiles at me. “Okay, so back to this cake…”
“Jack, seriously, I have to fit into a wedding dress!”
“I’m sure we can figure out a way to burn some extra calories.” Jack offers me a bite from his fork. I open my mouth and the fluffy sweet cake mixed in with the vanilla frosting is amazing. Almost too good, just like Jack. He is almost too good. Almost.
My cheeks warm. “What do you have in mind?”
Jack pulls me in close and kisses me hard. His lips press against mine as if he is answering my question but with more intensity than I could have imagined. He lifts me off my feet and carries me out of the kitchen and into my bedroom. Our bedroom. My chest tightens. I’ve never shared a bedroom with anyone. Even in college, my room was in a suite. Brianna and I shared a bathroom but had separate small rooms. Jack lays me down on the bed.
“What’s wrong?” He traces my face with his thumb.
“Nothing.” I reach for the back of his head to pull him closer to me.
“Lauren, what are you thinking about?” He runs his fingers through my hair. “Tell me.”
I glance at the sheets. The sheets that I picked out on my own. Everything in this room is representative of me. “I think we should buy new sheets together.” I want there to be more of Jack in my house so it seems more like our house. I want him to be comfortable here and know it’s our place.
Jack squints. “Is there something wrong with these sheets?”
I laugh. “No, they’re fine. I like them. But I just feel like maybe…well not maybe, but I think we should buy some together so my place…will seem more like our place.”
“This is your place and it’s only temporary that we’ll be living here together.” Jack kisses my neck.
“Wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we won’t be living here that long.” He trails his lips along my neckline and up to my face.
“Why wouldn’t we live here? It’s a great location and I love it.” I shake my head.
“I love it too. But we need a bigger place. This is nice for a single woman, but you aren’t going to be single for much longer.” Jack’s lips meet mine and I fall into a place of love as our tongues move together. He runs his hands all over my body as he peels off each item of my clothing. My heart is racing. I love being with him and can’t focus on this conversation right now. All I’m seeing is sparkles of pleasure and my mind is moving towards a place where thoughts are not possible.
Chapter Two
It’s the middle of July and despite the air conditioning I’m sweating like I’m back in Texas outside in the heat. The letter on my desk is one I wasn’t expecting. Hallie Brooks has resigned. Now, I have to find another person for my team. This wouldn’t be so bad except I’ve got an email on my computer screen that makes this situation even worse. Trent has been promoted and given his own team. Trent. I roll my eyes. I just hired him in January and six months later he is managing his own team? How does that make sense? This seems too fast, considering. Why did this happen?
Back in December, I got the biggest promotion of my life thus far—given that I hope I haven’t peaked too soon. And I was assigned the task of finding and hiring my own team. And one of those new teammates happened to be Trent. He seemed to hold lots of promise at first and then his true character began to show, and it was uncomfortable and danced along the lines of sexual harassment. Harassment that I never reported. I just tried to handle it on my own and hoped it would go away. But it hasn’t and now I’m being dealt another bad hand. How many times can I fold?
Now, I’ve lost two people from my team and Trent will be competing against me in every aspect of my job. I swallow hard. I don’t understand why Javier wouldn’t consult with me before promoting Trent. I know he’s the boss but shouldn’t he have considered my thoughts on taking someone from my team? I blow air up over my face. Little beads of sweat are popping up along my hairline. I can’t show how stressed I am. I’ve got to remain calm and turn this ship around. I think I’m going to need to get a fan for my office. That will help my temperature out, but this situation…
My chest tightens. Good grief, not again. Simmer down. Push it down. Handle this. Deep breaths. It’s okay. I can get through this. I’ve been through worse. This is a drop in the ocean. The ocean. Focus on the ocean. Yes the cool water. Its waves. I can do this. The waves are smooth and soft on my skin. I’ve got to push past them and get to the shore.
I need to figure something out and fast. Trent works faster than anyone I’ve ever known. I’m sure he already has his team figured out and I need to replace two members of my own. I shake my head.
I still have the stack of candidates from January when I picked the first round of people for my team. Maybe there are some winners in this pile. I flip through them. Leena’s résumé stands out at me. Absolutely not. Not after the way she acted last time I didn’t hire her. I do not want her on my team, under any circumstances.
Brett Barron, he could be a contender. I take his résumé and stats and put them aside. I get through the whole pile with only his papers in my “contenders” stack. I press my lips together. This isn’t good. There must be some new candidates to choose from. I dial the only number that might provide some answers.
“Hey, Javier.”
“Hello, Lauren, I assume you got the email about Trent?”
I sigh. “Yes, I did. I wish you would have spoken with me first, however.”
“Yes, well you were on vacation and we needed to move on this. Trent threatened to leave if we didn’t promote him and we really didn’t want to lose him.”
I nod. “I see. All right, do you happen to have any new candidates since January that you would recommend for my team?”
“Yes, you’ll have to get them from Trent.”
I roll my eyes. “Great, thank you.”
I should have known Trent would pull something like this. He always seemed so shady and that was before he cornered me in the elevator and tried to kiss me. I toss my hair over my shoulder. I wish I could toss him off a bridge. Ha! Not really hurt him but just kind of kick him off my island or something. I exit my office and head towards Trent’s cubicle. Which is empty, of course. The desk is barren of any personal items and the computer is missing. I tap the laminate with my finger. Great.
“Trent has an office now. You know, since he has the same position as you.” Leena is peeking her shiny auburn hair over her cubicle wall and staring at me with her red lips pulled up higher than would seem possible. I get it—she’s happy.
“Right.” I nod and exit the cubicle area. Trent is standing in the doorway next to my office watching me. His eyes darken as I get closer.
“Hi, Trent, congratulations.” I do my best to smile. Even though every centimeter of my lips is protesting.
“Thanks, Lauren, it came as such a surprise.” His eyes twinkle with such cynicism I can hardly stop myself from rolling my own eyes. A surprise.
“So I’ve heard. Hey listen, since you are no longer on my team—”
“And Hallie’s gone too now.” Trent makes a hissing sound with his teeth.
“Yes, anyways, I need the candidate list. Are you finished with it?” I press my lips together.
“Sure, come on into my office.” He opens the door for me and makes his way around to his desk and sits down.
I’m not going to sit down. I just need the list and I’m out of this toxic room.
“Hey, have a seat. Tell me about your vacation. Did you finally choose a wedding date? Or did you decide to call things off?” He cocks his head to the right.
I sigh. “Trent, do you have the list?” I tap my foot against the floor.
“Yes, but what’s the rush? Come on, sit down, talk to me. We’re both managers now. You don’t have to worry about not being on the same level anymore.” He stands up and closes his office door.
Trent’s hand is on the small of my back as if he is trying to guide me to the chair. I take a step towards his desk.
“Trent, I don’t have time to talk. Please just give me the list.”
“All right, let me see if I can find it.” He opens up his desk drawers and begins sifting through papers. “So, I’m taking by your demeanor that you and Jack broke up?”
I roll my eyes. “No, we did not break up. Seriously, Trent, you have to stop this.”
“Stop what? I’m just a concerned co-worker—is there a problem with that?” He raises an eyebrow at me.
“Do you have the list?” I’m about to leave and just go up and down the cubicles and see if I can spot new people on my own. Our floor is not that big—maybe fifty or more rows. I should be able to run the whole floor before noon.
“Yes, Lauren. You seem really on edge. You’re not worried about competing against me, are you?” He winks at me.
“Oh come on, Trent. I’m not worried about you being a new manager or competing against you. My love life is great. The only thing I need from you is the list. Now do you have it or not?” I glare at him.
His mouth turns into a full-on smirk. “Well just between you and me, I plan on taking over Javier’s position next. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure I keep you on the payroll when I hire on the next group of managers. I’ll be bringing in some of my old co-workers from Masters and Schmitt.” He hands me a stack of papers that have been sitting on his desk the entire time.
I shake my head. “I’m not worried and if you think you can take Javier’s position, then you must really have your head in the clouds.” I grab on to the doorknob.
“Really, Lauren? I got in this position, didn’t I?” His hand is on mine. “You might want to change how you think and talk to me. I would if I were you. Pretty soon, I’ll be your boss.”
I jerk my hand off the knob and march out into the hallway. There is no way Trent could ever be my boss. He hasn’t worked here that long. My chest is so tight it’s like it is going to explode. I close the door to my office and lean my head against the laminated wood. This is not good. I’ve got to hire two new people for my team and figure out a way to let Javier know about Trent’s plan without sounding like a paranoid insecure wreck. I need to grab some coffee and tackle this—and not the kind from our break room. This requires Starbucks. I head down the corridor to the elevator.
The elevator is shiny and bright full of promises for a ride to success and yet I can only imagine the opposite of that. I haven’t felt this down about Calstone since I began working here several years ago and now I’m a manager and my aspirations are plummeting. So much has changed since that day. I’ve got to change my attitude and really get things righted on this track with my team… Can I even call it that? There are only three people on it now and I used to have five. I should be adding people, not having them leave in droves.
In my determination to get to the elevator, I barely miss running into Elaine.
“Whoa, what’s the rush?” She grabs on to my elbows.
“Sorry about that, I’ve got a lot on my mind.” I try to push past her but she doesn’t release me from her solid grip.
“Yeah…” She shakes her head. “How are you dealing with losing so many members? What’s your game plan?” Elaine’s eyes zoom in on my face as if she is truly concerned.
“Well, I’ll be adding new ones…excuse me.” I eye her hands with a glare that is not exactly full of friendly vibes. I do not have time for this. I have got to get new team members lined up and quickly. I use as much force as I can without seeming physically aggressive and push past Elaine. I’m sure she is saying “I told you so” in her head. After all, back in January she had an entirely different idea about who should be on my team and why. But that was seven months ago and no matter what it is still my team. I’ve just got to increase the head count. No big deal.
Later I slide into my office chair, complete with much-needed coffee, and power up my computer. As soon as my screen illuminates I see that I’ve got an IM from Trent.
Hey there, I hope there are no hard feelings between the two of us.
My eyes cannot roll back in my head far enough. The nerve of this guy. Hard feelings. There are no feelings…except regret for ever hiring him. He has been trouble since day one. I should have realized it. But as the saying goes…hindsight is twenty-twenty and in this case twenty-zero. As in adding him to my team brought me zero benefits. Argh.
I minimize my IM. I’m going to let that sit and pretend that I didn’t see it. I really don’t care. My number one concern is adding more people to my team and getting our total numbers up. I cannot be on Javier’s no bueno list, as he calls it. There is no need to have taken Spanish in college to get the gist of what that means.
I scan over the résumé list again. Slim pickings…but I’m going to have to work with the hand I’ve been dealt. I can do this. I can find a good group. I’m confident. A name sticks out at me, Marcus Scalia. I nod. I remember hearing good things about him. I send him an IM and flip through the stack once more. Bethany Carlson. Yes, she will be the perfect candidate for my team. I don’t know why I didn’t see her résumé before. Nonetheless, I send her an IM as well and download their sales reports. I pull up the calendar app and send a meeting invite to my current team. I’m ninety percent sure that Marcus and Bethany will be joining but I’ll wait until after we chat to make sure they are right for the team.
A message alert flickers on the bottom of my screen. I roll my eyes. Please tell me, it’s not Trent again. I click on the box. It’s not Trent.
Do you have new people on your team or do we need to have a meeting with Elaine?
My stomach clenches tight and for once I don’t have the feeling of nausea. I respond to Javier.