- -
- 100%
- +
Hadn’t she…?
As she looked at Liam, so handsome in his evening attire, the warmth in his eyes for her alone, she began to question her own self-honesty. Had part of her, the part of her that also remembered how good they had been together eight years ago, ached to know whether it would still be the same between them? If their response to each other yesterday morning was anything to go by, then she could have no doubts about that!
But had she been aware of that when she’d dressed to come out this evening? Had her motives in wearing this gold dress, a dress that she knew suited her dark colouring and the slenderness of her figure, been as self-orientated as she had told herself they were at the time?
As she looked up into Liam’s face, her own gaze locked with mesmerising blue eyes, she didn’t know any more!
She moistened dry lips. ‘Liam—’
‘Laura, won’t you give me a chance to make up for the past?’ he cut in. ‘I was an idiot; I freely admit that. But don’t even idiots deserve a second chance?’
A second chance to do what? Ruin her life once again? To just disappear when it suited him, never to be heard from again?
She shuddered just at the thought of going through that again. Not again.
Never again!
‘Laura!’ Liam reached her side in two long strides, having watched the emotions flickering across her face, reaching out to grasp her shoulders, shaking her slightly as she refused to look up at him. ‘Won’t you at least give me a chance to try to make amends for—?’
‘No!’ she finally gasped, shaking her head in firm denial as she glared up at him. ‘I like my life just the way it is, Liam. I do not want you around, with your egotistical arrogance, cluttering it up!’ She was deliberately nasty, wanting to put an emotional barrier between them even if, with Liam’s close proximity, she couldn’t get a physical one.
He became very still, looking down at her searchingly. ‘You lied to me yesterday morning, Laura,’ he finally said heavily, his hands slowly dropping away from her shoulders.
She shivered involuntarily at the removal of that warmth. ‘In what way did I lie?’ she challenged hardly, afraid of what his answer might be. If he were referring to Bobby—!
He drew in a harsh breath, grim lines beside his nose and mouth. ‘You do hate me,’ he said tonelessly. ‘But I can assure you it’s no more than I hate myself for the idiot I was eight years ago.’
He wasn’t talking about Bobby! Her relief at this realisation superceded everything else.
‘I didn’t lie, Liam,’ she told him, almost gently. ‘I really don’t hate you. But neither do I wish to be involved with you again,’ she added with finality.
Even if she might have some residual feelings left for Liam—and after the way she had responded to him yesterday morning she must have!—she must never lose sight of the fact that any involvement with him was a possible danger to her own relationship with Bobby.
‘Fair enough.’ Liam held his hands up in supplication.
Laura eyed him uncertainly. Had he accepted her decision just a little too readily to be sincere…?
Or was it her hurt pride that was reacting now? Surely she didn’t really want him to keep up this personal pursuit?
As she had already told Liam, there was no point. It might just be that part of her that was still smarting from his desertion eight years ago that felt a certain sense of satisfaction in the knowledge that their roles had now been reversed; Liam obviously wanted a relationship with her now, and she was the one repulsing him.
Not very nice sentiments, she inwardly rebuked. Not nice at all.
She put up a hand to her temple, which had begun to pound painfully. ‘I think, in the circumstances, I’ll give dinner a miss, if you don’t mind…?’
He nodded abruptly, eyes reflecting nothing but the room about them, his expression also unreadable. ‘I think that might be a good idea.’
Laura bent to pick up her evening bag from the table she had placed it on when she arrived. Such a short time ago. But a lot had happened in that half an hour or so. Primarily, Liam was once again going out of her life.
She should be glad. Should feel nothing but relief at having the pressure of his presence removed from her life once and for all.
She paused beside the door. ‘What do you intend doing about the book, Liam?’ She looked at him with inquisitive eyes.
He shrugged. ‘You’ve assured me Perry is an excellent editor; I have no reason to doubt you.’
Her eyes widened. ‘You’re agreeable to his being your editor now? To Shipley publishing your book?’ She couldn’t quite believe this easy acquiescence. It wasn’t like the Liam she knew at all!
His mouth twisted into a humourless smile. ‘I’m not as completely unreasonable as you seem to think I am.’
No, but he had gone to so much trouble to try and achieve his own way, had even involved the newspapers—something he had told her he didn’t want under any circumstances. There was definitely something not quite right about this!
‘Liam—’
‘Laura?’ he came back smoothly.
Her feelings of unease increased. He was too smooth, too calm, too everything! ‘You’ll come in to see Perry on Monday?’
‘I will,’ he agreed, sounding very Irish. ‘After which I have to return to Ireland.’
Not only was he agreeing to accept Perry as his editor, but he was removing himself from London—and her life—as well. There had to be a catch in this somewhere!
‘I wish you had looked this pleased to see me again!’ Liam chuckled self-derisively at her obvious relief at his going. ‘I will be back, Laura. There are still things to do concerning the book.’
Yes, but she didn’t have to be involved in them now…
Why didn’t she leave? She had said she was going to, and yet she had made no effort yet to open the door and go.
Possibly because she felt that once she left here tonight she would never see this particular Liam again. The professional writer Liam O’Reilly, yes, but not this man who had pursued her so relentlessly the last few days.
Oh, she didn’t know what she wanted any more! She had been telling Liam for those same few days that she wasn’t interested in renewing their past relationship, yet now that he had accepted her decision she hesitated about leaving him.
She set her shoulders determinedly. ‘Goodbye, Liam,’ she told him firmly.
‘Goodbye, Laura.’ His expression was still unreadable.
Her feet felt as if they were weighted down by lead, her movements slow and sluggish. But finally she managed to open the door and walk out into the hotel corridor, closing the door firmly behind her.
And closing the door to that compartment of her heart that contained her repressed feelings for Liam—the door he had been trying so hard to prise open…!
CHAPTER TEN
‘I CAN’T believe I slept until this time!’ Laura exclaimed self-disgustedly as she entered the kitchen at ten o’clock the next morning to find Amy already preparing the vegetables for lunch.
Amy turned to give her a warm smile. ‘You obviously needed the rest,’ she volunteered.
No, it hadn’t been that at all. When Laura had arrived home shortly after nine o’clock last night she had gone straight to her bedroom. But not to sleep. Not that she hadn’t tried to sleep, to push everything but Bobby and her work from her mind. But memories of Liam, both from the past and the present, had kept intruding, making it impossible for her to relax enough to go to sleep. Consequently it had been the early hours of the morning before she’d fallen into a fitful slumber, resulting in her completely over-sleeping this morning.
‘Where’s Bobby?’ She had checked his bedroom before coming downstairs, and the morning room on her way past, expecting him to be in there watching television. The only other place she could think of him being was the kitchen, with Amy, but he wasn’t in here either…
‘Mr O’Reilly called in at nine o’clock—’
‘Liam did?’ Laura questioned sharply, a terrible sinking feeling developing in the pit of her stomach.
‘He brought a kite with him,’ Amy went on, frowning at Laura’s obvious shock. ‘He thought Bobby might like to go with him—’
‘You’ve let Liam take Bobby out?’ Laura gasped, paling.
‘Into the garden to fly it,’ Amy finished. ‘I would never let anyone take Bobby out without your permission,’ she added with gentle rebuke.
Laura sank down into one of the kitchen chairs, some of the colour returning to her cheeks. ‘Of course you wouldn’t,’ she realised self-disgustedly, her colour receding again as the full import of Amy’s words sank in. ‘Liam is out in the garden—this garden!—flying a kite with Bobby?’
The housekeeper nodded. ‘As Mr O’Reilly said, it’s a nice windy day for it.’
It certainly was—but what was Liam doing here at all? Hadn’t they decided last night that the less they saw of each other the better?
Not exactly, she realised slowly. She had told Liam she didn’t want to become personally involved with him again. A statement, she remembered thinking at the time, that he had seemed to accept too readily… A statement he had taken to its literal limit; she hadn’t included Bobby’s name!
She stood up hurriedly. ‘I think I’ll just go and check on the two of them.’
‘They were having a great time when I looked out at them a couple of minutes ago,’ Amy assured her. ‘Have a cup of coffee before you go out; you always say you need a couple of cups to be able to start the day properly.’
What Laura had actually said was that she needed a couple of cups of coffee in the morning to help her feel human!
She raised dark brows at Amy, her mouth quirking self-derisively. ‘You think I’m overreacting?’
The housekeeper hesitated. ‘That depends on what you’re reacting to…’
Laura swallowed hard, sitting down abruptly as Amy placed the cup of strong coffee on the table in front of her. ‘How long have you known?’
The housekeeper smiled. ‘I’m not sure that I do know. Not really. Of course I’ve always known that Mr Robert wasn’t Bobby’s father. We both know that was never even a possibility. But as to who Bobby’s biological father really is…’ She shrugged. ‘In every other sense of the word Mr Robert was his father.’
‘But…?’ Laura prompted warily.
‘I was struck by the resemblance between Bobby and Mr O’Reilly from the moment I first opened the door to Mr O’Reilly earlier in the week.’ Amy admitted gently. ‘That’s the reason I was unsure about whether or not to let him wait to see you.’
Laura had thought that unusual at the time…
‘What must you think of me, Amy?’ She buried her face in her hands.
The older woman’s arm came about her shoulders. ‘I think you, and Bobby, helped to make the last five years of Mr Robert’s life the happiest he had ever known,’ she told her emotionally.
Laura looked up through a haze of tears. ‘Did we? Did we really?’ She so much hoped so, after all that Robert had done for her.
‘Don’t ever doubt it,’ Amy said with certainty. ‘A family, a child of his own to love and care for, were things Mr Robert had long ago accepted he would never have. I know that he looked on both of you as a gift,’ she said. ‘A gift he wasn’t sure he deserved, but one that he cherished above everything else.’
Laura swallowed hard. ‘If anyone deserved a loving family, Robert did.’
‘And you gave him that, Laura; never doubt it for a moment,’ the housekeeper told her firmly. ‘As to Mr O’Reilly, I’m sure you had your own reasons for not marrying him eight years ago.’
Laura gave a humourless smile. ‘A very good reason, Amy. He never asked me!’
The older woman raised blonde brows. ‘Some men aren’t very good at responsibility—’
‘He never knew about Bobby, Amy.’ Laura felt compelled to defend him.
The other woman looked concerned. ‘That would no longer seem to be the case,’ she observed ruefully, looking in the direction of the garden, where Liam was now flying a kite with his son.
Laura looked up at her. ‘You think Liam knows?’ her voice was hushed.
‘Don’t you?’
‘I have no idea,’ she burst out. ‘If he does know, he hasn’t said anything. And it isn’t the sort of thing I can come straight out and ask him!’ Especially as she would prefer it if Liam didn’t know! ‘If Liam does know, Amy, then why hasn’t he said anything?’ she asked emotionally.
The housekeeper paused, straightened, and then replied, ‘I think you would have to ask him that.’
But she couldn’t, not without revealing the truth herself. And it was a truth she still wasn’t sure Liam knew…
Amy returned to peeling the potatoes. ‘Will there be two or three for lunch?’ she prompted lightly.
‘Two! No—three. I don’t know, Amy.’ She sighed wearily. ‘I’m not sure I know anything any more.’
Last night it had seemed so cut and dried: Liam was going to stay out of her personal life but continue to let Shipley publish his book. Liam turning up here this morning to play with Bobby made a nonsense of all that.
The housekeeper gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘I know this isn’t much comfort to you at the moment, but things do have a way of working themselves out.’
But not always as one would like them to!
Could Amy be right, that Liam did know Bobby was his son? And, if he did, why hadn’t he challenged her about it?
She was no nearer knowing the workings of Liam’s inner mind now than she had been eight years ago!
‘I think I’ll go out and say good morning,’ she decided firmly, draining her coffee cup before standing up. ‘That should be harmless enough.’
Amy nodded. ‘And I’ll prepare lunch for three. Just in case,’ she added with a glint in her eyes.
Laura watched the two males in the garden unobserved for several minutes. Bobby was wrapped up warm in his winter coat; Liam was looking lithely attractive in denims and a thick blue chunky sweater.
Both faces were lit up with boyish pleasure as they gazed up at the red kite high in the sky above them, dark hair ruffled, blue eyes glowing. Bobby was holding on to the string but Liam was standing behind him, helping to guide the kite away from entanglement with neighbouring trees.
Laura felt an emotional pain in her chest as she watched them. How different their lives could have been if Liam hadn’t walked out of her life eight years ago…
But by the same token, as Amy had already said this morning, if Liam hadn’t gone Robert would never have enjoyed five years of family life.
Besides, what was the point of regretting something that was already a fact? Liam had left, and Robert had become her husband and Bobby’s father. Nothing could ever change that.
‘That looks like fun,’ she called out to the two kite-flyers.
‘Mummy!’ Bobby cried excitedly, grinning from ear to ear as he looked at her. ‘Look, Liam bought me a kite.’
Liam glanced over his shoulder at her, his expression slightly wary. And with good reason, Laura thought crossly, all her old resentment resurfacing at sight of him! Bringing her son presents, stopping to play with him, had not been part of their agreement the evening before.
Her gaze met Liam’s questioningly. ‘That’s nice,’ she said challengingly.
Liam met that gaze unflinchingly. ‘Did you have a good sleep?’ he enquired.
Almost as if he knew it had been the early hours of the morning before sleep finally claimed her! ‘Very good, thank you,’ she said tersely, going down the steps into the garden.
Liam watched her progress down the lawn as she walked towards them, his eyes narrowed on her slenderness in the black denims and deep blue jumper. She knew soft wisps of her dark hair were framing the paleness of her make-upless face.
Well, she hadn’t realised they would have a visitor so early on a Sunday morning!
Laura met his gaze unflinchingly. ‘Enjoying yourselves?’ she asked.
‘Isn’t it great?’ Bobby was the one to enthuse, obviously thrilled with his new toy, ‘I’ve always wanted a kite of my own,’ he explained with a grin looking up at Liam.
Laura felt that pain in her chest again as she looked at the two of them. How could they possibly have become so close in the hour or so Liam had been here? A natural gravitation to each other…? Whatever it was, that ache in her chest was starting to become a permanent feature!
‘I trust you thanked Liam for his gift?’ she asked Bobby, completely avoiding looking at Liam now.
Anyone looking at them, Laura knew, who was unaware of the real circumstances, would have assumed they were a family: mother and father with a much-loved son. But anyone would be wrong. Very wrong!
‘Of course I did,’ Bobby replied with obvious surprise; one thing he had known from an early age were good manners.
Her resentment at Liam’s presence here was starting to show, even to Bobby, Laura realised guiltily. But how else was she supposed to feel? Liam should not be here!
‘All little boys love to have a kite of their own to fly,’ Liam chuckled.
But it felt like a slap in the face to her that Liam had been the one to realise—and rectify!—the lack of a kite in her son’s life. It seemed to bring into glaring focus her own inadequacies as a single mother, concerning the upbringing of the little boy. A father would have realised about the kite. Robert, for all he had lacked experience in the role until the late arrival of Bobby into his life, would have realised.
Laura couldn’t help wondering what other oversights, as a lone female bringing up a male, she might have made…
‘Don’t start beating yourself with a stick,’ Liam said softly at her side, his gaze soft on her face now as Bobby moved off down the garden, holding tightly to the string of his kite. ‘I would be just as lost if you happened to have a daughter rather than a son,’ he assured her.
Laura looked up at him. ‘That situation will never arise,’ she told him distantly.
Dark brows rose over mocking blue eyes. ‘You aren’t even thirty yet, Laura!’
Old enough to know she would never have any more children. After her earlier mistake she knew she would have to be married for that to happen.
The only man she had ever loved in a romantic way had walked out of her life without even a glance backwards. The man she had married, although she hadn’t loved him in the same way, had been the most wonderful man she could ever hope to meet. To expect she could ever find both those things in another man was just expecting too much…
‘Old enough to know better,’ she retorted.
Liam seemed to have lost interest in the subject as he turned his attention back to Bobby.
At least, it seemed that he had until his next remark.
‘Would you have married me, Laura, if I had asked you eight years ago?’
Laura gasped at the unexpectedness of the question, all the colour draining from her cheeks as she looked up at him with widely hurt eyes.
She had told Amy that Liam had never asked her to marry him, but would she have married Liam eight years ago if he had?
Like a shot came the instant answer. She had lived for him eight years ago, would have done anything for him. Had done anything for him. If he had asked her to marry him she would have become his slave for life!
She breathed deeply and evenly, desperately trying to regain control over her shattered composure. He had no right! No right at all to say things like this to her!
‘I was very naïve and inexperienced, Liam,’ she finally answered.
‘That’s no answer, Laura,’ he responded. ‘Besides, you assured me—only yesterday, wasn’t it…?—that where I was concerned you were never a child.’
‘It’s possible to be naïve and inexperienced at any age, Liam,’ she came back. ‘But to answer your question…’ She drew in a sharp breath. ‘I suppose it would have to be yes,’ she bit out with distaste. ‘And what a pretty mess that would have made of both our lives!’
Liam looked down at her searchingly. ‘Do you really believe that?’ he finally asked.
She gave him a pitying look. ‘Don’t you?’ she derided. ‘Liam, I meant so much to you then that you were married to someone else within weeks of leaving England—’
‘A mistake I definitely wouldn’t have made if I had already been married to you!’ He reached out to grasp the tops of her arms. ‘You might just have been what I needed to keep my feet on the ground!’
Laura shook her head ruefully. ‘And I might just have got myself trampled to death in your stampede to get out of any marriage between the two of us!’
Liam gave a perplexed frown, shaking his head. ‘You don’t regret a thing, do you…?’ he realised slowly, his hands dropping away from her arms.
In a word—no. If she had never been involved with Liam then she could never have given Robert, a man she had already owed so much, the family he had so desired. Her marriage to Robert was something she would never regret. If she regretted anything at all, then it was meeting Liam again—
Was it?
Did she really wish that had never happened?
She looked up at him searchingly, at the changes in him, the obvious signs of physical maturity. But hadn’t he changed in other ways too? Hadn’t he shown concern for her yesterday morning over that newspaper article? An article he was completely responsible for, though, she acknowledged hardly. But he could have had no idea of how far Janey Wilson would play up the possibility of a personal relationship between the two of them.
More to the point, much as she might like to try to deny it, even to herself, hadn’t she responded to Liam yesterday morning? Hadn’t she forgotten everything but the two of them, totally lost in the aching need, the long forgotten emotions Liam had roused in her? What would have been the conclusion of that meeting if Bobby hadn’t interrupted them?
She swallowed hard, her eyes meeting Liam’s unwaveringly. ‘There’s no point in regrets, Liam,’ she told him flatly. ‘The past is gone, never to return. The future is unknown, for all of us. Which only leaves the present. I’m quite happy with my present exactly the way that it is.’ She looked across at Bobby, her eyes shining with pride.
‘Then you must be one of the lucky ones,’ Liam rasped. ‘Because I don’t like any of my life!’
Laura turned back to him slowly. ‘Then do something about it.’
His face darkened angrily. ‘I’m trying to! I—’
‘Uncle Liam, the string’s got caught in the tree!’ Bobby’s distressed wail interrupted them.
“‘Uncle” Liam…?’ Laura repeated with soft fury, her hand tightly on his arm, holding him back as he would have gone to her son’s aid.
Liam turned back to her impatiently. ‘He didn’t know what else to call me.’
‘Uncle Liam…?’ she bit out furiously, annoyed beyond reason by the intimacy of the title.
‘Come on, Laura.’ Liam shook off her hold on his arm. ‘He’s a polite child. He didn’t feel comfortable calling an adult by their first name. I couldn’t see any harm in the title of uncle.’
‘I’m sure you couldn’t,’ she replied. ‘I happen to feel differently—’
‘Why?’ Liam turned fully back to face her. ‘I seem to remember you have an honorary uncle of your own…?’
Laura became very still, the anger draining out of her as quickly as it had risen. She didn’t want to talk about her own ‘uncle’—!
‘Where is he, by the way?’ Liam continued scornfully. ‘I’ve been here several times now, and he hasn’t been in evidence once. Which is surprising, considering eight years ago you never stopped talking about the man! Don’t tell me Mrs Shipley has become too high and mighty to bother with her beloved uncle any more?’
Laura was very pale now, her throat moving convulsively. ‘Stop this, Liam,’ she choked. ‘Stop it now!’
‘Why?’ he challenged. ‘What is it, Laura? Don’t you like being reminded of your more humble beginnings?’
She swallowed hard. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I know that you hurt me just now by your obvious aversion to having your son call me uncle—’
‘And that gives you the right to hurt me in return?’ She looked up at him with tear-wet eyes. ‘You have no rights here, Liam, no rights at all, and—’