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Chapter 2
“Madison, put that book away, and go get your coat. We’re going to be late. Becca, honey, you don’t need any more raisins in your cereal. Eat one more spoonful, and then we have to go,” Grace said firmly to her children, who seemed inclined to dawdle.
“Oh, Grace, do stop fussing at them. You’ll make them nervous,” Marjorie Haley complained in her own maternal nagging tone.
“I asked you to please have them ready by the time I arrived. I have a train to catch,” Grace said, trying not to sound annoyed.
She was standing at the kitchen counter in the home of her mother-in-law, checking her son’s knapsack to make sure all of his school things were inside. She then approached her daughter, removing the nearly empty cereal bowl and instructing her to find her boots and put them on. Marjorie, a pleasant looking late-fiftysomething woman of average height but slightly overweight, was meticulously packing a lunch for each of the kids, which she then put into each of the children’s schoolbags.
“I told you I could take them to school myself, but you kept telling me you want to do it. I think you get the children all mixed up.”
Grace decided not to point out to Marjorie that she was hardly ready to drive Madison and Becca to school since she was still in her bathrobe and nursing a cup of coffee. The only thing already in place was Marjorie’s fashionable wig, one of several she owned in different styles. Instead of arguing, Grace placed Madison’s schoolbag by the front door of the house and bent over to help Becca as the child tried stuffing her tiny foot into her boot.
“I can do it,” Becca told her mother, sitting on the floor to make it easier to pull the boot on.
Grace glanced over to Marjorie. “I know it would have been easier, even made sense. But I wanted to see my kids before they went to school this morning.”
“Do you have to work late again tonight?”
“No, but I don’t like going such a long time without seeing them.”
“I suppose that means you don’t think I know how to take care of my own grandchildren.”
“That’s not what I mean, and that’s not what I said,” Grace corrected calmly. She was holding Becca’s pink parka to help her into it.
“I want to remind you that after my divorce, I raised a son alone. He turned out good enough to attend Harvard. You found him good enough to marry.”
“Mommy, Nana Marj said that if me and Becca come to stay with her, she’s going to take us to see Monsters, Inc., an ice show.”
“When is this?” Grace asked, grateful to Madison for the distraction.
“It’s performing for the next two weeks, but I thought maybe this Saturday,” Marjorie said. “The kids can stay with me for the weekend.”
“Can we?” Madison asked.
“Did you forget we have plans for Saturday?” Grace asked. Madison groaned dramatically, his face scrunched up as he recognized the conflict.
“I wanna go ice-skating,” Becca piped up, not to be left out.
“Can we go with Nana on Sunday?” Madison negotiated.
“We’ll talk about it tonight. Right now, we have to go. Do you have everything?”
“What’s going on on Saturday?” Marjorie asked as she walked Grace and her grandchildren to the door.
“Madison, take Becca and get in the car. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“I thought you said we have to hurry?” Madison protested.
Grace sighed and sent Madison a silent, telling look. Taking the warning to heart, he went to his grandmother, arms outstretched for a perfunctory hug.
“Bye, Nana.”
“Have a good day in school, sweetheart. Come on, Dumplin’. Give Nana a kiss,” Marjorie cooed, bending over to scoop Becca into her arms.
Becca returned the affection but quickly pulled away to run after her brother. “Wait for me!” she whined, dragging her red, blue and yellow schoolbag by a strap, her bright knit hat askew over the four thick cornrows of her slightly curly hair.
“I’ll call you later,” Grace said to her mother-in-law, heading for the door.
“Grace, you can spare five minutes to tell me why I can’t see my grandkids this weekend,” Marjorie complained.
“You make it sound as if I deliberately keep them from you,” Grace said carefully. “You had them for a full weekend two weeks ago. I told you we already have a lot to do. Madison is going to a sleepover on Friday night. Then he, Becca and I are going skating. They’ve been looking forward to that.”
“Then bring them to me in the evening. They can stay until Monday.”
Grace shook her head patiently. “Not this weekend. It’s too much running around for them and me. I do enough of that during the week. Besides, Carter Morrison is in town. He asked to see the kids, and I invited him out for the day,” she finished casually.
“Carter Morrison?” Marjorie repeated. “What’s he doing in New York?”
Graced stared at her, taken aback by Marjorie’s scathing question. “He’s here on business. He happened to attend the corporate event I worked last night. As a matter of fact, he’s gotten some sort of promotion and will probably leave Chicago.”
“Oh, really? I suppose he’s moving here?”
“Why do you say it that way? I thought you liked Carter. I mean, he’s...was Benson’s best friend.”
“Was is right. Carter may be smart and good-looking, but he always thought he was better than my son. He’s very ambitious, and you know what I’m taking about.”
Grace suddenly forgot all about the time. She took a quick look out the window next to the door and saw both children in the back of the car, waiting. Madison had once again buried himself in a book, and Becca had fallen asleep in her car seat.
“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about,” she said, turning back to Marjorie.
“I saw you, you know,” Marjorie drawled in a low, nearly menacing tone.
“What?”
“Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on. I saw you and Carter together after the memorial service for my son. Couldn’t believe my eyes. Benson not in the ground forty-eight hours, and I catch you fooling around with another man.”
Grace felt her heart thudding wildly at the accusation. She swallowed hard as Marjorie’s words drained all of her body heat. She narrowed her gaze on the older woman.
“How dare you say that to me. I wasn’t fooling around with Carter, then or at any other time.”
“I know what I saw,” Marjorie said with equal indignation. “Benson was a good, honest man. He deserves a wife who holds his memory dear. But you couldn’t wait until he was gone to turn to someone else.”
Grace realized that she was squeezing her gloves so tightly in her hands that her fingers were cramping. Her mouth was dry, but when she spoke, her voice had a steely edge to it.
“You’re my children’s only grandmother, and I know you love them very much, so I’m not going to trade insults with you. It’s really none of your business, and I don’t owe you any explanation, but what you saw three years ago was Carter trying to comfort me. I was in Reverend Daniels’s office. He found me crying. I was overwhelmed with the changes that I knew would take place after Benson died. I was scared, and hurt. I...I realized that my daughter will have no memory of her father, and that Madison might soon forget.
“I loved Benson. He was too talented, too smart and much too young to die, but he’s gone. I’m trying to do the best I can for my kids and myself.”
Marjorie stood listening to Grace’s recital with interest, but skepticism was still apparent in her gaze. But by the time Grace had finished, Marjorie’s demeanor had changed. Her shoulders slumped, and she averted her eyes to hide the evidence of tears.
“Benson was my only child,” Marjorie moaned. “My...baby. Lord, not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I miss him so much. He was my life.”
Grace took another moment to let her tumultuous feelings settle down. She was not unsympathetic to Marjorie’s loss. She sucked in a deep, calming breath and reached out to rub her mother-in-law’s arm. “I know you do.” Grace looked down at the head, with its synthetic hair, bowed in grief, and suddenly felt sorry for Benson’s mother. “Maybe I can bring the children over after Sunday school. I’ll call you later.”
Grace couldn’t stand to see any more of Marjorie’s pain, or to explore the bald assumptions that had been made about herself. There was no time to react fully to the astonishing news that she and Carter had been seen together that afternoon three years ago. The cold morning air gave her a jolt back to the present. Grace resolutely buried that singular memory. She drove away with her children, knowing now that the past was not so easy to let go of after all.
* * *
Grace took a quick glance at Madison, who was already laced up and on the ice with fifteen or so children his age. There were two ice attendants but no rambunctious teenagers to interfere or take over the PeeWee Period on the ice. Assured that he was okay, she bent to tie the laces on Becca’s ice skates. Suddenly, she felt a hand brush her shoulder. She swiveled her head and, in a state of disbelief, saw Carter looming over her. His sudden appearance was disconcerting.
“Carter,” Grace said. She went back to securing her daughter’s skates. She fumbled the laces and had to start over.
“Mommy, hurry up,” Becca complained.
“I’m almost done, honey.”
“I know I’m early, but I wanted to watch the kids skate. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Why should I? How did you find us?” Grace asked, getting to her feet and helping Becca stand on the double-edged training blades.
“I let my fingers do the looking. I searched online and this was the only public rink in the area. Hi, Becca. I’m Carter. Remember me?”
He held out his big hand to the little girl, who, after getting a reassuring nod from her mother, shyly put her hand in his to let Carter gently shake it.
“Hi,” she murmured, pulling free and looking up at her mother. “I want to go skate.”
“All right, but stay close to the side of the rink. I’ll be watching you, okay?”
Grace led her daughter to the entrance gate. She held Becca by both hands as the little girl stepped off the protective rubber matting and immediately lost her balance as her feet slipped out from under her. Grace pulled her upright and held her until she got her footing.
“Mommy, let go. I can do it by myself.”
Grace reluctantly did as she was asked, watching as her baby shuffled along the ice. Becca wasn’t going fast enough to be in any danger, and she was low enough to the ground that if she fell, there’d be minimum damage. Still, Grace hid her anxiety over her daughter’s safety.
“She’s pretty fearless.” Carter chuckled admirably, standing behind her.
Grace didn’t realize he was so close, as she was intent on making sure that Becca was managing. “Frighteningly so.” Grace sighed. “Madison! Keep an eye on Becca!”
“Okay,” he yelled back.
But Madison was involved in a game with several other boys to see who could spin around without falling. Not knowing the correct move, their actions consisted of trying to force their bodies to turn in one big effort, a movement that was unsteady and clumsy.
“I’m not going to look,” Grace murmured as she walked to a bench and sat facing the rink.
Carter laughed quietly but stood alone, watching the children. Assured that her children were doing fine without her, Grace returned her attention to Carter, checking him out. She realized that this was probably the very first time she’d seen Carter dressed down. He had on sturdy Timberland boots, corduroy slacks and a black turtleneck sweater. The rolled collar hugged his neck right up to his jaw and chin, and the stark color seemed particularly bold and attractive on him. Carter was hatless and stood with his leather coat gathered and tucked under one arm. He looked and seemed different. Somehow stronger and more solid than a few nights ago, when he’d materialized formally attired. It was strange to see the difference. But both times Grace recognized in Carter a man who was self-possessed and indomitable.
Watching him, however, she was also reminded of that strained conversation with Marjorie. And it wasn’t as if her mother-in-law was totally wrong, Grace conceded. She and Carter had hugged after the memorial service, although Marjorie’s spin on the situation was pretty nasty. And yet, Grace admitted to herself, there had been a brief moment when she’d wondered, What am I doing? What is Carter thinking?
It was equally disturbing to recall that when Benson had asked her to marry him, he’d said that he couldn’t wait for his best friend to meet his future wife. He’d told her that Carter was straight-up and dependable, worth going to the mat for. It was a very guy thing to say, and she’d found it funny at the time. Now she was finally coming around to seeing exactly what Benson had meant. What he’d said about Carter was true.
Carter turned to find her sitting on the bench. He slowly approached and sat next to her. He glanced at her, with humor brightening his eyes. The rink lights created glare on the lenses of his glasses so that all she could see was his smile.
“I bet your heart leaps into your throat every time you have to let them go off without you.”
“I want them to do things on their own and have fun. But I don’t want them to get hurt.”
“But they will. It’s part of going off without you. Why don’t you join them? Do you skate?”
“Not if I can help it. To be honest, I’m a little afraid that I’m the one who’ll get hurt and then I can’t take care of them. I mean, there is my father or Marjorie, but...”
“I think I’ll join them,” Carter suddenly announced. “Do you mind?”
Before she could tell him that wasn’t necessary, Carter had dumped his coat in her lap and marched off to rent skates. He came back, sat down again and laced up the skates. Afterward, he stood, took off his glasses and silently handed them to her. As he made his way to the entrance gate, Grace was struck by how much taller he was in skates. Gigantic. They made him appear invincible. She also noticed that he stepped onto the ice with amazing confidence, although it was quickly apparent that he moved with the stiff, careful gait of an adult trying to overcome inexperience and lack of control.
Grace got up from the bench to stand closer to the rink so she could observe through the Plexiglas barrier. She was curious and followed Carter’s progress. He seemed to be deliberately headed for her kids. She spotted Madison showing off as he awkwardly skated backward in front of his sister, teasing her, while she scuttled along trying to catch him. Carter caught up to them, stopping to speak. Grace could see Carter reintroducing himself and then holding out his hand to Madison. The boy listened and then looked to her for guidance. Grace raised her hand and waved, signaling her okay.
Madison shook Carter’s hand. In the meantime, Becca, who unable to grab ahold of her brother, had nothing to help steady her as her arms flayed and she fell. Carter, not much more steady himself, nonetheless bent to lift her back to her skates and then released her. Grace raised her brows and grinned. How smart of him not to patronize the kids.
It was hard for her to tell after a while if Carter was really keeping an eye on her children, or was out there having a good time himself. His ease and grace improved considerably with time. Only a few times did he engage Madison and Becca in brief conversation, mostly just leaving them to enjoy skating. Madison fell only once, and Becca several times, once close enough to Carter to wrap her small arms around his leg and pull herself upright.
It was inevitable that Carter himself would end up on his butt. Madison thought it was very funny and laughed merrily at the grown man sitting on the ice, trying to figure out how to get up. Even Grace allowed herself to chuckle. Then she watched in amazement as Madison and Becca each took hold of one of Carter’s hands and actually tried to pull him to his feet. When that didn’t work, Madison turned his back and told Carter to use him for balance. And Carter didn’t hesitate to take the boy up on his offer. Bracing his large hands on Madison’s shoulders, he positioned one foot on the ice and quickly levered himself up, not actually putting any weight on Madison at all.
Grace was not only glad but relieved when Carter indicated that he’d had enough and headed off the ice. Madison and Becca followed him. Madison was sniffling from the cold air of the rink. Becca’s nose was running, and the knees of her jeans were wet from her many falls. Grace gave her attention fully to her children, letting Carter take care of himself.
“Mommy, I only fell down a little bit,” Becca boasted, wiping her nose on her sleeve before she could be stopped.
Madison chortled. “You fell down a lot. I only fell once.”
“You both were great,” Grace complimented them.
“I helped Carter get up. Didn’t I?” Madison said proudly.
“You sure did. You’re pretty strong,” Carter agreed.
“Mommy? Did my father know how to ice-skate?” Madison asked.
Grace glanced briefly at Carter, who was engrossed in pulling off his skates. “No, sweetie, I don’t think he did.”
“Know what, Madison? Your dad was a pretty good soccer player, and he knew his way around a basketball court.”
For just a moment Grace’s gaze met Carter’s. She didn’t have to smile her thanks but knew that he’d gotten her silent message.
Madison thoughtfully considered that before asking, “Are you still going to take me to a basketball game? You promised.”
“Absolutely,” Carter said and nodded smoothly. “I’ll check out the games for the rest of the season, and we’ll set it up, okay?”
“I want to go, too,” Becca complained.
“Mommy, tell her she can’t go,” Madison fussed.
“We’ll talk about this later, Madison. Right now you can do me a favor and return the rental skates.”
“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready for something to eat,” Carter said as he stood to return his skates and get his boots.
“I’m hungry,” Becca suddenly decided.
“We’re going to the mall for lunch. I want to go to McDonald’s,” Madison called out as he raced to the rental desk.
“No! I want Friendly’s,” Becca piped up in her tiny high voice.
A final decision was postponed until everyone had made a bathroom run and they’d left the rink. Carter followed behind in his town car, which looked so out of place among the SUVs and suburban sedans. The local mall was the zoo that Grace knew it would be on a Saturday afternoon, but it suddenly didn’t seem so bad as she watched with interest the interaction between her children and Carter. What was even more pleasing was that he was effortless and totally comfortable when talking with them, and did not talk down to them. She was pleased with his ability to make both of them laugh; sometimes four-year-old Becca laughed only because Madison did. For the most part, Carter seemed to ignore Grace’s presence. His decision, conscious or otherwise, went a long way toward putting her at ease in his company.
Grace wasn’t sure how Carter managed it, but he successfully, and without a fuss, persuaded the children to have lunch at a café and not a fast food restaurant. Madison and Becca were still able to have hamburgers and fries, and Grace was thrilled to be able to order Oriental Chicken Salad.
A waitress brought the children each a coloring book and small boxes of crayons. They contentedly occupied themselves with coloring after eating their fill, while Grace and Carter talked.
“I saw you fall on the ice,” Grace said.
“Are you going to hold that over me?” Carter asked smoothly, eating a grape tomato from his pasta dish and putting aside the menu he’d been reading, which advertised Valentine’s Day special meals.
“I thought you hurt yourself. I was a little worried.”
His gaze was warm as he regarded her. “I’ll probably feel it later tonight or tomorrow, but I’m okay.”
“I think they like you,” Grace observed honestly. “Madison tends to be a little more reserved. You won him over again pretty fast. Becca is more open and trusting.”
Carter nodded silently, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Then he rested his elbows on the table and thoughtfully stared into his empty bowl.
“Becca reminds me a lot of Benson. Madison is more like you.” He looked steadily at her. “On the other hand, both of them look more like you than their father.”
“I know. Marjorie said once that she wished that at least one of her grandchildren looked like Benson or herself.”
Carter shrugged. “Luck of the draw. It’s all in the genes. They’re beautiful kids, Grace. Nice kids. Benson would have been really pleased about how you’re raising them.”
Grace couldn’t think of how to respond other than to murmur a thank-you and busy herself finishing her Diet Coke. When she next glanced up, she found Carter staring openly at her.
“Do you still miss him?” Carter asked quietly.
Still miss him, Grace repeated to herself. She thought quickly, again remembering the painful conversation she’d had several days before with Marjorie. The question was a minefield, and she trod with caution.
“I’m sorry that he’ll never get to know his children, or they him. Benson had a larger-than-life personality, didn’t he?” she asked rhetorically. “His presence could fill a room, and he was such a natural-born leader. I think he would have been a great success if he’d ever run for office.”
Carter pursed his mouth. “Yeah, he would have. But do you miss him?”
She shifted restlessly. “Benson’s death was so...so unexpected. In a way, I still haven’t adjusted. It’s like my life was stopped short, and it’s taken a while to get it back into gear.” Carter was still waiting for her answer, and she looked squarely at him. “I guess I miss the promise of what we might have been together.”
Nothing in his facial expression changed, and Grace wondered what Carter was thinking. Why did he ask that particular question? Why couldn’t she be straightforward in her answer?
“Are you coming home with us?” Madison asked, gazing up at Carter.
“Are you inviting me?”
“Yeaaaaah,” both children chimed in unison.
“Did you get your mothers’ permission? Maybe she has things to do.”
“Can Carter come to visit for a while?” Madison asked his mother.
“For a playdate?” Grace asked her son.
Madison got the joke and laughed. “Not a playdate. He’s too old. I know how to play chess,” Madison boasted to Carter.
“Really?” Carter said, impressed. “So do I.”
“Me, too,” Becca said, not to be left out.
“No, you don’t. You’re still a baby,” Madison teased.
“No, I’m not,” Becca whined.
Grace intervened. “I know you have something else you probably want to do for the rest of the day, so don’t pay attention to Madison....”
“I’d love to stop by. I think I just got challenged to a game of chess.”
“I wanna play, too,” Becca said.
“Mom, tell her she can’t,” Madison pleaded.
Becca’s whine turned to slow tears.
“Okay, time to leave. They’re getting tired,” Grace said. She slid out of her seat, lifting Becca. “I’ll be back in a minute,” she said to Carter as she and her daughter headed for the ladies’ room.
When Grace returned to the table, Carter had already taken care of the bill. Together they headed in the direction of the parking lot, meandering their way through the mall, which was crowded with shoppers, aimless teens, a plethora of baby strollers and children.
Grace suddenly felt a stilted silence between herself and Carter. And she was very much aware of his physical presence. In a strange, intimate way, he made her more aware of herself. Grace wondered suddenly if she looked attractive in her black stretch pants and white cashmere sweater set. She absently fingered her hair. Was it fluffy and cute like when she’d combed it that morning, or had the cold, breezy air left it a mess?
They slowly followed behind the two children, who seemed to be enjoying the noisy bustle of the mall. Grace was very mindful of the one probing question Carter kept asking her about Benson. She worried that somehow her answer was inadequate. Why hadn’t she been more forthright? And she couldn’t stop herself from replaying in her mind the things Marjorie had said to her. Had she wanted Carter to hold her?