Escort For The Witch: The Mystery of Psyche's Ruby

Derek and I exchanged glances. Both of us were trying to ascertain what was happening and what to do next. Meanwhile, the space around us continued to transform slowly, as if obeying some invisible force. Gradually, the room became more austere, with fewer and smaller objects in it.

“What the hell?” Sabrina suddenly screamed next to me. “What kind of sick joke is this? Where are we even?”

She nervously adjusted the towel on her head and stared at me in confusion.

“I… I’m not entirely sure,” a soft voice piped up from behind us, “but I think it’s my fault.”

Well, of course! Could it have been anyone else’s? What even possessed me to think that having Brenda as a wedding guest would not make things go sideways? Naive fool! I closed my eyes, counted to five, then turned to face Brenda. She was standing there, shuffling, a silly, guilty smile on her face. I clenched my fists, taking a step in her direction, and was about to be extremely rude to her when a sudden, strange rustling noise behind the door made me freeze on the spot. Someone was there, and that someone was eavesdropping on us. My gut told me we were running out of time, which meant we had to think and act fast.

“Here’s your backpack,” Brenda whispered, almost apologetically.

“I see,” I whispered back. “Now, pack everything from that table into it before it’s sucked into that time hole or whatever it is, and let’s get out of here. Got it?”

A muffled noise came from deep within the hallway. Brenda, her hands trembling, quickly stuffed a comb, the envelope, and the chocolate bar into the backpack. She reached for the ring pouch, grabbing it and trying to lift it, but it seemed glued to the spot and, a moment later, it vanished completely. She bit her lip and sniffled quietly.

Struggling with my hoodie, I gave her a threatening look that said, “I’m getting you for this, but first – I’ll deal with this mess.”

“Okay, I’ve got everything. Let’s go before – ”

Her words were cut off by a loud knock on the door, making us freeze in place.

“Who is it?” Derek whispered, gripping the ball tight as if it could offer him guidance and protection.

“Maybe the maid?” Sabrina suggested in a shaking voice.

“Maids don’t knock, sweetheart,” I whispered back. “They just barge in and start cleaning, even if you’re still asleep.”

Loud voices could be heard behind the door now, and someone was resolutely turning the handle. Brenda moved closer to me, Sabrina closed her eyes, and Derek and I exchanged frightened glances. The four of us looked like the rabbits in the headlights.

The door opened slowly, revealing a man in his fifties. I looked him up and down, my mouth hanging open in surprise. He, however, did the same thing. In his beige, embroidered, tailored high-collar jacket and matching breeches that barely contained his enormous belly, he looked like he’d just returned from a period costume party. On his feet were black velvet shoes with silver buckles, and on his head – a bulky curly wig. The man stared at our party in bewilderment, his eyes darting from side to side. I noticed there was no one with him. We had to act fast.

“He’s definitely not happy to see us,” Brenda whispered behind me. “I don’t speak French, but in my head, I can hear him screaming and cursing right now.”

Our spectacular visitor, apparently, didn’t speak English either, because our remarks agitated him extremely. His face puffed up and turned red, his eyes bulged, and he started screaming at the top of his lungs. That kind of scream, in any language, could only be a call for help.

“Derek,” I whispered. “It’s like being back in Illinois.”

Derek nodded understandingly and hurled the ball at the screaming man. The man’s arms flailed as he sought to maintain his balance. He grabbed onto the doorframe, stunned. Not wasting any time, I stepped forward and pushed him hard. He crashed to the floor with a thud, clutching his nose with both hands and yelling something in French.

“Sorry,” Sabrina whispered, taping the man on his shoulder. At her touch, the man went limp and started snoring. Derek grabbed his ball, and the four of us took off in an unknown direction.

We raced down a long, unfamiliar hallway, its walls adorned with the portraits that I could now recognize. They were Sabrina’s relatives. The stern faces seemed to radiate extreme displeasure at our presence. Brenda was panting under the weight of my backpack, Derek was clutching his ball tightly, like a lifebuoy, and Sabrina kept glancing back to check if anyone was following us.

“Where are we going? Who are we trying to escape from? And why?” Brenda panted out, struggling to keep up with us.

“From the wig guy in the breeches,” Derek snapped. “Where did everyone else go? I’m not the only one who heard many voices behind that door, right?”

“Maybe we imagined it all? Maybe it’s some public holiday, and everyone’s at home, glued to the TVs?”

“Brenda, you saw that guy! Does he look like someone who knows what a TV is?” I barked, feeling my lungs burning from the hardcore running. It’s done. I’m quitting smoking.

“Maybe it’s some kind of historical re-enactment or cosplay game that is part of pre-wedding entertainment?” Brenda suggested.

“Oh, please, Brenda!” Sabrina cried. She, too, had had enough of Brenda’s nonsense.

“What part of this looks entertaining and fun to you? Besides, if this was the case, we’d have know about it from Stella by now! She couldn’t keep a secret to save her life. Just keep going, guys. We need to find a way out,” Sabrina urged on, finally taking the towel off her head and putting it round her neck. “This is definitely our castle, but…”

She looked around. “It’s almost unrecognizable. But I remember my way around it.

Let’s keep moving.”

The hallways and corridors kept whizzing past us until finally terminating in a vaulted room with tall arched windows, through which bright sunlight was pouring in. There we stopped at last to catch our breaths. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud. The basketball slipped out of Derek’s hands and rolled across the parquet floor, creating a hollow echo. Derek cursed loudly and hastily put his hands over his eyes. In the sunlight, his skin instantly turned ashen grey, as if someone had emptied the contents of an extinguished fireplace over him.

“No, no, no, Derek, not now!” Sabrina exclaimed, rushing over to our beloved vampire, who was rubbing his eyes furiously, blinded by the bright light.

“Damn it! Talk about bad timing! I can’t see a thing!”

“Come on, buddy, lean on me,” I said, offering him my shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my neck, and together, we immediately went down on the floor.

“You’re freaking heavy!”

“Well, I’m freaking dead! Of course I’m heavy! Hold on. How could I forget?” His eyes still shut, Derek reached into his shorts pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses.

“Alright, let’s go.”

We jumped to our feet, Derek grabbing the ball, and once again bolted forward, which seemed the only way to go anyway. At the other end of the vaulted room was another door, and as soon as I grabbed the handle, the door swung open, revealing another strange-looking man before us. This one was clad in modest yet smart clothes: a dark blue doublet with copper buttons, under which was a pristine white shirt with lace jabot, and black breeches tucked into knee-high black leather boots. His face was a mask of wrath. In his right hand, he was holding a pitchfork. He shouted something in French and bared his teeth in a menacing grin.

“One strike, four holes,” Sabrina remarked. We turned to gape at her. “What? That’s what he said! Does none of you folk speak any French? You’re from New Orleans, for Heaven’s sake!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, I pushed Derek forward with all my might and he landed right on top of our unfriendly “gardener.” The man collapsed under the vampire’s weight with a yell. The pitchfork fell from his hand and clattered loudly against the stone floor.

“Stop whining,” Derek panted, re-adjusting his shades, and gently slapped the guy on the cheek. The vampire’s strength was enough, however, to knock him out instantly.

But in all the commotion, the man managed to kick a full-size medieval knight’s armor suit that was perched on a wooden pedestal by the door. The mass of polished old steel wobbled, tilted, and then crashed to the floor with a deafening bang, sending steel plates flying in every direction and creating an endless echo that reverberated throughout the castle, it seemed, alerting everyone to our presence.

We froze, realizing that whatever cover we might hope to have had just been epically blown.

“Let’s go,” was all I could think of. I helped Derek to his feet.

“The corridor terminates in the kitchen, and from there, a door leads out to the garden.

This way we can get to the main gates,” Sabrina stated, handing the ball back to the somewhat exhausted vampire, who was still sitting on the floor next to his ‘victim’. He really wasn’t used to being pushed around and used as a walking shield.

“You sure?”

“I know this castle like the back of my hand. So yes, I’m sure.”

We set off again, carefully stepping over the suit of armor pieces not to make any more noise. Derek picked up the pitchfork and was now leading the way, ready to face new challenges in the form of weirdly dressed strangers. Suddenly, he stopped and looked back.

“Did you hear that?” he whispered, holding the pitchfork in one hand and his emotional support ball in the other. “I’m sure you didn’t. But trust me, it’s time to step on it.”

We didn’t argue and picked up the pace. After a while, we heard loud voices and the sound of running feet echo down the corridor some way off. I turned around to glimpse a furious crowd closing in on us. They were waving their arms and – I’m pretty sure - cursing at us.

“Sabi!” I yelled, snatching the towel from her and tossing it into the air.

The girl instantly read my mind. She raised her hands, and the towel seemed to come alive. It started twisting in the air, gaining speed, creating some sort of vortex.

Suddenly, it shot forward and ploughed into the crowd of our pursuers, like a mini tornado. It wrapped itself around a short man at the front, knocking him off his feet. He crashed to the floor, yelling. The others behind him stopped, hesitating, causing the rest of the crowd to run into them, trip and fall on each, like the dominoes. This was the time to run for it. We bolted down the corridor, turned a corner, and a second later, found ourselves in the kitchen.

Derek was in the rear this time and a little too keen to escape, so didn’t notice the large wooden table standing in his way. In horror, I watched him crush into it at full speed, sending the copper pots, pans and crockery clattering to the floor on impact, with one particularly heavy frying pan landing on his foot, as if in revenge.

“Ouch! Damn it…” Derek hissed, hopping on one foot and rubbing the injured spot on the other.

“No time to rest,” Brenda snapped, grabbing the vampire by the arm and dragging him along.

The kitchen turned out to be a huge room with vaulted ceiling and a massive, almost pre-historic stove that took up an entire wall. Next to the stove stood a basket with live chickens. The sight of us apparently agitated the poor things so much that the basket toppled over. The hens darted out in all directions, clucking in panic and adding even more chaos to the proceedings.

“There!” Sabrina shouted, her voice barely heard over the clucks. She pointed to the door leading out to the garden.

“Grab the hens!” Derek shouted, putting the ever-slipping sunglasses back on the bridge of his nose.

Sabrina and I exchanged glances.

“Are you deaf, guys? I said grab the hens!” Derek commanded, losing his patience.

Did he really think Sabrina and I were professional chicken catchers? Like, really?

Still, on we got with the task. We just sensed it wasn’t the time for questions. Obeying the command, we lunged forward after the squawking monsters. To our own surprise, we managed to catch a few. But just as we were about to make a run for it, a cook appeared from what looked like a pantry: a burly man with a ladle in his hand and a face purple with rage that boded ill for our future.

“Stop right there!” he barked in French, brandishing the ladle at our faces. Without further ado, Derek hurled the pitchfork at him. The cook dodged it deftly, but the manoeuvre gave us enough time to slip past him and out into the garden.

The great outdoors greeted us with the heavy scent of blooming roses and the cooling breeze of shaded alleys. I glanced at the sky. Not a cloud in sight! Sunny and warm!

We ran along a narrow path winding between thick bushes and small decorative fountains.

“I don’t remember these fountains ever being here,” Sabrina panted, clutching a hen to her chest as if it were her baby. She stopped to catch her breath and pointed toward a massive archway some way off. “Those are the main gates!”

But just as we turned to run in that direction, two men in identical outfits, and armed with swords, jumped out of the bushes in front of us. Judging by their smug faces, they were confident we were not going to get away now.

Once again, my body instinctively knew what to do, and since I was by now somewhat tired from running with that hen in my arms, I gladly hurled it at one of the men nearest to me. The bird squawked angrily as it catapulted into the unsuspecting guard’s face.

The young man lost his balance on impact and went down like a sack of potatoes.

The second guard didn’t move, staring confusedly at our motley crew. Brenda used that break to sneak up behind him and whack him on the head with my backpack. The sword fell from his hand, and not wasting any time, I picked it up and packed him another hefty punch. He passed out instantly, collapsing in a heap next to his partner.

“Sabi, lead the way!” Brenda shouted as the now familiar furious crowd of castle servants appeared on the kitchen doorstep.

My beloved witch didn’t move but closed her eyes, trying to focus. Her long, dark hair moved slightly, although there wasn’t the slightest breeze. Then, as if on her command, a sudden gust of wind blew out of nowhere, stripping leaves from the trees, kicking up dust and knocking our pursuers off their feet.

“Run!” I commanded, pointing toward the dense thicket beyond the castle gates. “Into the woods! Sabi, move!”

Sabrina opened her eyes, and we took off yet again, leaving the raging crowd far behind. Derek ran ahead, stumbling and falling, because his sunglasses kept sliding down his nose, thus being useless against the sunlight. He kept grabbing onto Brenda and nearly brought her down with him several times. I ran behind Sabrina. In one hand, I was holding the sword, and in the other – the remaining hen, which by now seemed to have accepted its fate and stopped clucking.

The castle gates were now behind us and we ran deeper into the forest. Tree branches intertwined above our heads in a dense canopy that barely let any sunlight through. We kept running until we were at a safe distance from the castle, and only then did we slow down.

“I think we’ve lost them,” Derek panted, looking around.

“I hope so,” Sabrina whispered, sinking on the ground by an old pine tree.

I finally caught my breath, too, dropping the sword, and sat down next to my fiancée.

She leaned on my shoulder, and I kissed her on the forehead. I was still holding the poor hen, which now looked like it had been electrocuted: its feathers ruffled, eyes open ever wider, its beak ajar.

“You’re a genius, Sabi. I’m proud of you,” I said, planting another kiss on her head.

The forest around us was thick and quiet, with only occasional bird chirping and rustling of dry leaves on the ground to break the solemn silence.

“What now?” Brenda asked, squatting down beside us.

“Now? Now we figure out how and where we ended up,” I replied, looking at Sabrina intently.

“You said it was your castle. Your ancestral home.”

“So it is,” Sabrina confirmed, although her voice carried a hint of uncertainty. “But something’s changed.”

“What exactly has changed?”

“Everything has changed! The furniture, the castle’s interior… And who’s that guy in the wig? And all those people? I don’t know any of them. Not even one of them! It’s like some weird re-enactment fest. Or maybe even a different century.”

Derek took off his shades and rubbed them on his T-shirt.

“We need to figure out what’s going on and come up with a plan, fast.” He declared, putting the shades back on.

I stood up and looked at everyone intently. In our current state, we weren’t going to get far. I was wearing classic pants, a shirt, a vest, and a not-so-classic hoodie. My new shoes were rubbing my feet raw. Derek, with his blue basketball shorts, a red T-shirt with a yellow smiley face, and a lime green hoodie, was a human version of a traffic light. He was fidgeting with a loose multi-color braid that was sticking out of his hair, adding to his already eccentric looks. He was not dressed inconspicuously, for sure. I turned my gaze to Sabrina. She was sitting silently by the tree, lost in thought, gently stroking the now-quiet chicken. She was only wearing a long white Terry robe and matching fluffy slippers that looked more like mini boots. Out of all of us, Brenda had the most appropriate outfit for a forest adventure: khaki jeans, worn-out off-white sneakers, a dark tank top, and a battered black leather jacket.

“Alright,” I finally said. “Sitting here waiting to be found isn’t an option. First we need to find a shelter, some clothes for Sabi, food, and then we can figure out what to do next.”

“What about Twiggy and Coco?” Brenda asked.

“Who?” we all asked in unison.

“The chickens! What about them?”

Derek stepped forward, frowning.

“I’m afraid one of them is now with that guard dude, back at the castle – did you forget? You decide if it’s Twiggy or Coco.”

Silently, he walked over to Sabrina and took the chicken from her, not without some resistance on her part.

“And this one here is my dinner. If you behave, I may let you have some,” he added, nodding to Brenda. “And don’t you complain.”

“Yeah, Brenda, you’d better not complain. Or I’ll feed you to him,” I said, winking at the girl, whose eyes were wide with horror.

“Let’s go, girls,” the vampire called out. “We don’t know what time it is, so we need to find some shelter before dark.”

I took my backpack from Brenda, and we moved deeper into the forest, hoping to find some kind of refuge there. The forest grew thicker and darker with every step. And with every step, I became more aware of just how deep a mess we were in.

Chapter 6

The Wedding Quest

We walked for a long time along a winding path leading seemingly nowhere, the forest growing ever denser and darker. The air was filled with pleasant aromas of pine trees and damp earth. Here and there, the sun managed to break through a thick canopy of trees overhead, creating magical forest rays that were dancing all around us. We walked in silence, each lost in deep thought. The only sounds were the rustling of leaves beneath our feet and birdsong.

“The damned mosquitoes are eating me alive. This is a nightmare!” Sabrina complained. “I hate this forest! We’ve been walking for God knows how long. At this rate, we could well be in Paris by now.”

“And what are you suggesting?” I asked, sharing her frustration.

“I’m suggesting we find a road, hitch a ride, and get home already!”

Suddenly, Derek stopped and brought his hand to his mouth in a coughing fit, which could only mean one thing—our vampire friend was hungry. We all stared at him anxiously: none of us fancied being his dinner.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Got it all under control,” Derek muttered before another bout of coughing seized him.

“Alright, let’s make a pit-stop and see what we’ve got,” I suggested. “Empty your pockets, everyone.”

We stopped at a small clearing and began examining our meagre supplies. I rummaged around in my pockets but found nothing. Sabrina only had a cell phone and a hairband.

Brenda also had her cell phone, a chocolate bar, her wallet, and a pack of chewing gum.

Derek proudly displayed his brand-new wireless earbuds, sunglasses, a cell phone, and a slightly scuffed basketball he’d been carrying under his arm since this morning.

“Jack, what’s in your backpack?” Brenda asked.

I unzipped the backpack, and we all craned our necks, hoping to find something useful or edible inside.

“Good news, Sabi, your charger’s here. Bad news, my phone’s back at the castle. On the plus side, we’ve got a can of cola, half a bottle of water, some cigarettes, a lighter, an old, tattered envelope, a couple of protein bars, a pair of new socks, and a wallet.

The cola and water should be enough to get us to the nearest gas station,” I announced and started to distribute the items among our group. “Now, stuff all of this into your pockets. And the chi…”

“Coco,” Brenda corrected.

“Fine – and Coco will go in the backpack – because it’s too damn uncomfortable carrying it in the arms. I have chicken poo all over me now!”

“And we’ve got a sword,” the vampire added thoughtfully, stealing a glance at our feathered companion. “If needed, it can double up as a skewer.”

Brenda’s already enormous hazel eyes widened as she read Derek’s mind, quite literally. She glared at him and hurriedly shoved the bird into the backpack.

“How much battery do you guys have left? Sabi’s got a little under fifty percent. What about you?”

“Almost a hundred,” Brenda said proudly.

“Same here,” said Derek. “But what does it matter? There’s no signal anywhere.”

As we were repacking the contents of my bag, I happened to look up and noticed something dark, like a shadow, move in the trees on our right. My heart sank, then started racing, and a thousand alarm bells went off in my head all at once. I tapped Derek lightly on the shoulder and put a finger to my lips. The vampire followed my gaze but just then, his coughing thought it was a good time for another round. With a sense of foreboding I closed my eyes, trying to shake off the growing sense of dread. I just knew then that whatever was coming wouldn’t end well.

I straightened up and stepped forward, trying to shield Sabrina. Clutching the basketball tightly, Derek followed my lead and shielded Brenda.

The next moment, a group of men emerged from behind the trees. Derek and I looked in surprise at them, then at each other, then at the men again. They looked nothing like us. They looked like they’d just stepped out of the pages of a historical novel, except there was nothing romantic about their appearance. They were clad in rags almost, but rather antique-looking rags: shirts with flared sleeves, pirate pants cinched by enormous rough leather belts, and knee-high boots covered in a thick layer of dust and dirt. Their faces were hidden by wide-brimmed hats and neck scarves, and all I could see were just their burning, angry eyes.

Each of them held a knife or a short sword. Their movements were slow but deliberate, as if they already knew how this encounter would end. I felt a chill run down my spine.

Clenching my fists, I braced myself for the worst.

“Is this some kind of stupid wedding quest? Your dad said they had a gift for us that we’d remember for the rest of our lives. Is this it?” Sabrina asked, her voice trembling as she pressed herself against me. I could feel the tension in her body, and it made me even more uneasy. “Excusez-moi! Are you actors? Who are you?” she suddenly addressed the men in flawless French.