New Arrivals: Surprise Baby for Him
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They hung their damp coats on pegs near the back door and Seth turned to Amy. ‘I’ll show you straight to your room,’ he said, watching her with a thoughtful frown.
‘Thanks.’
He walked ahead of them, carrying their bags, and Amy followed, hugging Bella close, reassured by the familiar warmth and softness of her baby skin. She wondered where Seth’s uncle was. Wondered if she should tell Seth tonight, while they were alone, that this little girl was his daughter.
Surely it was better to get the truth out in the open sooner rather than later?
Fear rippled through her as she pictured the moment of revelation. She had no idea how Seth would react, whether he would be angry, or shocked, or disbelieving. Or suspicious of her motives.
Or all of the above.
Perhaps it would be prudent to wait till the morning. It had been a long, unsettling day. Her tiredness made her fragile and susceptible to tears and she wanted to be strong like a mother lion when she broached Bella’s future with this man.
‘I thought this room should suit you,’ Seth said, pushing open a door.
‘Oh.’ Amy couldn’t hold back an exclamation of surprise as she entered the room and he set their bags down. ‘This is lovely.’
It was the prettiest room possible, with soft, pale green carpet and matching green and cream wallpaper. Romantic mosquito nets hung over twin beds and French doors opened onto the veranda.
‘There’s an en-suite bathroom through there.’ He pointed to a door.
‘Thank you, Seth. That’s wonderful.’
Setting Bella down, Amy peeped around the doorway. The bathroom was sparkling clean and as lovely as the bedroom. Thick, soft towels hung on the rails and there was even a purple orchid in a cut-glass vase on the washbasin. It was amazing, really, to find such comfort all the way out here, like coming across a mirage in the middle of a desert.
Perhaps Seth and his uncle were used to having guests. Amy wondered if he wasn’t nearly as antisocial as she’d believed. This wonder was compounded when she turned back into the bedroom, and found Bella and the antisocial man in question trying to touch the ends of their noses with their tongues.
As she watched them Amy’s throat tightened and her mouth wobbled dangerously. They looked so alike, giggling together and having such incredible fun being silly. Without warning, her guilty conscience got the better of her and she very nearly blurted out the truth. Right there and then, accompanied by tears.
I mustn’t. Not now. It would be too cruel to walk into Seth’s house and immediately dump the news on him like an emotional thunderstorm.
She pretended to be terribly busy, opening Bella’s suitcase, struggling to feel calmer.
As if he hadn’t noticed anything amiss, Seth said, ‘I told Ming we’d be happy with something light for supper. How do scrambled eggs with tea and toast sound?’
‘That sounds fine.’ She was dazed with surprise. ‘Who’s Ming?’
Seth smiled. ‘My cook.’
His cook?
Amy blinked. This was another surprise. From the way Rachel had spoken, she’d always imagined that life on this cattle station was pretty rough.
‘So are scrambled eggs OK?’ Seth asked.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘They’d be perfect. Bella would love some, too.’
‘No problem. I’ll let Ming know. Come along to the kitchen when you’re ready. It’s just down the hall.’
‘One, two, five, six!’ Bella chanted proudly as she counted the buttered fingers of toast on her plate, then beamed happy smiles at both Amy and Seth.
They were eating alone in the kitchen, the mysterious Ming having prepared their food and then disappeared before Amy could meet him.
Fortunately, Bella was quite adept at filling any awkward silences that lapsed during their dinnertime conversation. In between Bella’s choruses, Amy answered Seth’s questions about her work in marketing and he elaborated on the export beef market.
She wished she could follow up on their earlier conversation with more personal questions like how he’d felt about giving up rugby, or whether he planned to live on Cape York for ever. Or whether he looked forward to having a family one day. Most importantly, she wanted to know how he’d felt about Rachel.
Instead, she told him about her Melbourne flat and Bella’s playgroup and the day care centre where she planned to leave Bella when she returned to work.
Seth’s gaze met Amy’s when she told him this, and wariness crept into his eyes, as if he sensed her underlying tension.
All of a sudden she was desperately, achingly tired and she realised she’d been tense for hours. The closer she got to telling Seth about his relationship to Bella, the more frightened she was.
The fact was, telling Seth was one thing. Handing her precious little girl over was another matter entirely. Amy had no intention of giving her away. As Bella’s guardian, she planned to take the child back to Melbourne with her. Seth could stay in touch, certainly, but he couldn’t expect to have Bella permanently.
Could he?
All through the meal, there was a question in his eyes, which Amy tried to avoid. She focused on his hands as he cut a piece of toast into the shape of a sailing boat for Bella. They were very workmanlike hands—sinewy and strong and suntanned. To Amy’s intense dismay, she found herself imagining his hands on her skin and the thought caused crazy explosions deep inside.
By the end of the meal, Bella was growing sleepy again and Amy grabbed the excuse to escape, to put her to bed.
‘Good idea,’ Seth agreed easily, but as Amy was about to leave he said, ‘Would you have time for a chat after Bella’s settled?’
Time for a chat?
Her heart jumped with sudden fright. Why did his simple question sound ominous? His blue gaze was quiet and steady, in complete contrast to her hectic pulse.
‘Yes, of course,’ she managed to reply. ‘It shouldn’t take too long to settle Bella.’
‘Half an hour?’
‘That’s plenty of time.’
For once Amy was pleased that Bella knew every word of her bedtime story by heart. She only had to turn the pages while the little girl happily pointed to the pictures and recited snippets of dialogue.
Meanwhile, Amy’s mind raced, trying to guess why Seth wanted to chat.
Ever since Rachel’s accident, her mind had developed the alarming habit of leaping to worst-case scenarios. She wondered if Seth wanted to talk about Rachel and Bella. Could he have guessed?
She wasn’t ready to tell Seth the truth. She’d mentally prepared herself for a confession in the morning.
But would there ever be a right time?
Amy watched Bella’s innocent little face as she snuggled down beneath the crisp white sheets with her favourite toy, a fat stuffed pig.
‘Night, night,’ she murmured, touching her fingers to a silky curl of jet-black hair.
Bella eyed her sternly. ‘Say bed bugs.’
‘Bossy boots,’ Amy chided, but she obliged. ‘Night, night, sweetheart. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.’
Bella grinned with satisfaction and they hugged tightly. Amy kissed her warm, baby-soft skin, and tried not to think about distressing possibilities that involved handing Bella over, or nights in the future without this ritual.
An awful panic gripped her, and suddenly she knew with blinding clarity how vitally and deeply important Bella had become to her. She simply couldn’t bear to give her up.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she fought tears as she stroked the child’s soft curls and watched her eyelids grow heavy. And she tried, frantically, to sort out a strategy in her mind for dealing with Seth Reardon.
Chapter Three
SETH stood on the back veranda, staring out into the rain without really seeing it. Instead, he kept seeing a lovely young woman and her cute little daughter, so happy together, and the image gnawed at a private pain he’d tried very hard to keep buried.
With an angry groan he strode to the far end of the veranda, and stared out into the black, rain-lashed night, willing his reckless thoughts to the four winds.
He’d invited this woman and her child into his home, and already today, during a simple walk down a bush track, he’d let down his guard. But he knew that he mustn’t allow a single mother’s warm brown eyes and her daughter’s appealing ways to slip under his defences.
It seemed there was no other man in the picture for Amy and Bella, but so what? Seth had given up all thoughts of domestic happiness, and he’d done so with the fierce determination of a smoker, or a gambler giving up an addiction.
Women, he’d learned after too many mistakes, were a health hazard. Families looked cosy and attractive when viewed from the outside, but he knew from bitter firsthand experience that the inside story could be something else entirely.
Closing his eyes, Seth saw his own mother—slim, elegant and beautiful, her sleek, dark hair framing her face like a satin cap. He remembered her tinkling laugh and the way she’d smelled of delicate flowers. Remembered her infrequent hugs.
He remembered, too, the many evenings he’d stood, nose pressed against the glass, watching her from his bedroom window as she stepped into a limousine. She’d always looked remote, like a goddess, in a glamorous red evening gown, in sequins, or gold lamé—a glittering evening bag in one hand, cigarette in the other.
Mostly, he remembered the day she’d left him for good.
The departure of females had become a pattern in Seth’s life.
He was done with relationships.
This evening, he had to remember to be very careful when he talked to Amy Ross. There were important things about Rachel Tyler that he needed to know—an awkward mystery that he needed to clarify—but he couldn’t allow himself to be sidetracked by any further discussion of Amy’s life as a single mother. If she’d been abandoned by a gold-plated jerk and left to struggle with a baby on her own, Seth didn’t want to know about it.
He didn’t want to feel pity for her and her daughter. And he didn’t want to feel concern. Or longing.
He simply needed to get to the truth.
When Amy heard the soft tap on her door she felt a hot rush of adrenaline. Anxiously, she snatched a glance at her reflection and hoped she’d achieved a small improvement by changing into a fresh T-shirt and jeans.
Her hand was pleasingly steady as she reached for the door knob, but as soon as she saw Seth, tall and dark and filling her doorway, her steadiness deserted her.
She stepped outside quickly, and through the open doorway he sent a silent glance to the bed where Bella slept.
‘Yes, she’s out to it,’ Amy said quietly and she let out a huff of breath, hoping it would settle her nerves.
‘Would you like coffee?’ he asked. ‘Or something stronger?’
‘Not especially,’ she said, wanting a clear head, although she suspected she would benefit from a stiff drink right now.
He gave a curt nod towards the back veranda. ‘Perhaps we should go out there, if it’s not too wet. We shouldn’t disturb Bella, but you’ll still be able to hear her if she cries.’
‘All right.’
Leaving a single bed lamp on, she closed the door softly and followed him, and she felt nervous, as if she were going to a job interview she hadn’t prepared for.
On the veranda, a wall light cast a soft glow over a trio of potted plants and two deeply cushioned cane chairs beside a wicker table.
Amy took a seat and she peered out at the curtain of rain, which was falling more softly now. She wondered what Seth wanted to ‘chat’ about. Avoiding that thought, she asked, ‘How long will this rain last?’
‘Hard to say.’ He shrugged. ‘In some wet seasons it rains non-stop for weeks.’
‘That sounds depressing.’
‘It can be. Most of us try to get away for at least part of the wet.’
‘I’ve read about roads being cut off by floods.’
‘That’s why I have a plane,’ Seth said in a dry, matter-of-fact tone.
A plane? Before Amy could register her astonishment, he said, ‘So you’ve never been in the tropics before?’
‘No, never.’
‘You’re not seeing it at its best. You should have come in winter.’
‘But that would have been too late to help Rachel’s book launch.’
‘Ah, yes.’ Seth looked out to the black and silent night, with only his profile showing to Amy. ‘I was hoping we could talk about Rachel’s book.’
Goosebumps broke out on Amy’s arms. At least Seth hadn’t guessed about Bella, but she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or alarmed. What else could she tell him about the book?
If he realised that she’d come all this way, and imposed on his hospitality, on the pretext of promoting a book she knew next to nothing about, he would be justified in thinking she was crazy, and bad mannered.
She studied the dark lines of his brow and his nose and the angular jut of his jaw, but they gave her no clue to his thoughts.
He spoke without looking at her. ‘You said you were Rachel Tyler’s best friend.’
‘Yes, I did, because it’s true.’
‘You’ve known her since you were fifteen.’
‘Yes.’
‘You’ve gossiped together.’
‘I wouldn’t call it gossip.’ Amy sounded more prudish than she’d meant to. ‘But sure, we talked a lot.’
‘And yet she never talked to you about her book?’
‘Not in any kind of detail.’ Amy watched a moth dance into the pool of light. ‘I—I think Rachel was superstitious. The book was terribly important to her, and I think she might have been afraid that it wouldn’t be a success if she talked too much about it.’
‘Did she tell you about her time at Serenity?’
‘Very little,’ Amy admitted with a sigh. Rachel had been totally absorbed by the aftermath of her trip north—her pregnancy and the birth of her baby.
‘But she told you about me,’ Seth said coldly. ‘You knew how to find me.’
‘Yes.’
Feeling hopelessly cornered, Amy closed her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to tell Seth the whole story tonight. She’d wanted to wait till she’d been refreshed by a good night’s sleep. She’d wanted to feel calm and composed, able to take her time and to choose her words carefully.
More importantly, she’d wanted to retain the upper hand in this, but Seth was pushing her, giving her no choice. She had to speak now. If he dragged the truth out of her, she would lose every ounce of credibility in his eyes.
And that mattered perhaps more than it should.
As she sat there, eyes closed, gathering courage, she heard the flutter of the moth’s wings against the light globe and the sound of Seth’s chair scraping on the wooden veranda boards. Her eyes flew open.
Seth was standing directly in front of her, towering over her. ‘There’s something you’re not telling me, Amy.’
His voice was hard and as cutting as a sabre. He was trying to intimidate her, which was one thing Amy wouldn’t tolerate. She’d learned in her own backyard to stand up to her brothers.
Bravely, she glared up at him. ‘I don’t like your tone.’
For a moment, he looked taken aback. ‘I’m being very civil.’
He ran tense fingers through his hair, and time crawled as he stood there staring at her, while she stared back at him.
Eventually, his expression relaxed, and the next time he spoke his voice held no menace. ‘Give me a break, Amy. I’m not used to playing these games. All I want is the truth. Why did you come here?’
‘Because I need to talk to you.’ Her eyes dropped to the moth, which now lay burned and dying on the bare floorboards. ‘I have something very important to tell you.’
Even though Seth hadn’t moved, she sensed the tension run through him, like a fault line in a wall of rock. She knew his mind was working at a million miles a minute and any second now he would put two and two together.
‘If we’re going to have this conversation, Seth, could you please sit down?’
He looked surprised, but to her relief he relented and resumed his seat, one long, jeans-clad leg crossed over the other, hands plunged deep in his pockets.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘I’m sorry, too,’ Amy admitted. ‘I came here to do the right thing, but I’ve made rather a mess of it.’
Seth shot her a sharp glance, and she knew he was waiting for her to explain.
So this was it. The moment she’d feared.
‘I’m not Bella’s mother,’ she said.
It was ages before he spoke, and in the stillness the rain continued to fall, needle-fine and shiny and silent.
‘Is she Rachel’s child?’ he asked at last.
‘Yes.’
Yes…
The word hung in the air, quivering like the vibrations of a tuning fork.
Amy wished she could feel relieved now that it was out, but she was too shocked by Seth’s reaction.
Even in the subdued light, she could see the colour drain from his face. Then, silently, he slumped forward, elbows propped on his knees as he covered his face with his hands.
Shocked, she sat completely still, two fingers pressed against her lips, wishing she could recall the single word that had revealed so much.
Too much?
Yes. One little syllable had told him everything. There was no need to add that Bella was his daughter.
The fact that Amy had brought Bella all this way pointed to it, and a few simple calculations confirmed the facts. Seth only had to count back to know that Bella’s conception had occurred during the time Rachel had spent at Serenity.
With him.
And, clearly, it was the worst possible news.
A cool breeze whipped onto the veranda, spraying fine rain over them.
Amy shivered and rubbed at her arms. ‘Seth,’ she said gently. ‘I’m sorry. I know this is a shock.’
He didn’t respond at first, then slowly he lowered his hands and let them hang loosely between his knees. He didn’t look at her and he didn’t speak, but Amy saw the movement of his throat as he swallowed.
‘I came here, because I—I thought you should know,’ she said. ‘I thought it was important. Not because I want money from you, but because—well, because Bella’s such a sweetheart.’
The thin, cold pricks of rain continued as she waited for a response from him. When it didn’t come, she went on, desperate now to make her point. ‘I think Bella’s the cutest thing on two legs, you see. And, to me, it seemed unfair that you didn’t know about her.’
At last Seth turned to her and she was shocked by the banked despair she saw in his eyes and in the deep lines that bracketed his mouth.
His eyes were bleak, but to her surprise he almost smiled. ‘Don’t feel bad. You’ve done the right thing.’
It was reassuring to hear this, but she wished he looked happier.
‘I’m not planning to offload Bella,’ she felt compelled to explain. ‘You don’t have to worry about that, Seth. I’m totally prepared to keep her with me and to take care of her.’
‘I’m sure that’s best,’ he said quietly.
She let out her breath on a sigh. This was awful, so different from how she’d imagined everything before she’d set out on this journey. She’d anticipated the possibility of fierce anger, or disdainful disbelief. She’d been worried that Seth might try to take Bella away from her, but the last thing she’d expected was this shocked and horrified acceptance.
When his gaze met hers again, his eyes warmed just a little. ‘So what’s your relationship to Bella? Are you her guardian?’
Amy nodded. ‘Rachel had no other family.’
‘Really? No one at all?’
Amy was surprised he knew so little. ‘She was an only child,’ she told him. ‘Her father has passed away, and her mother’s in an aged care facility, and she’s not at all well. Her parents were in their fifties when she was born. Apparently, they’d never expected to have a child, and Rachel was a huge surprise.’
After a bit, he said quietly, ‘That might explain why Rachel was…different.’
‘She was different, wasn’t she?’ Amy’s mouth twisted in a wistful smile as she remembered her friend. ‘She was brilliant, a ton of fun, but—yes—different.’
Seth nodded and looked away quickly, and she wondered if he’d been deeply in love with Rachel. The thought caused an unhappy pang.
‘You’re doing a great job with Bella,’ he said.
‘It’s no hardship. I love her.’
His piercing blue gaze swung back to study her for a heart-stopping stretch of time, and then he rose abruptly.
‘Thank you,’ he said simply, and she knew their conversation was over.
They went back inside the house and Amy shivered as breeze from a ceiling fan chilled her damp skin. She felt miserable as she stood outside her bedroom door.
‘Goodnight,’ Seth said. ‘I hope you’ll be comfortable.’
‘I’m sure I will.’ Then she remembered. ‘Just a minute, Seth. I have something you might like to see.’ She went into the room and fetched a photo album that she’d brought with her, especially for him. As she gave it to him his hands brushed hers and her breath caught as she felt the heat of his skin.
‘Thanks,’ he murmured, gripping the album tightly.
The house was silent, listening.
He seemed to remember his manners as a host. ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like something to drink before you turn in?’
‘Could I make myself a cup of tea?’
‘I can get it for you.’
‘No, it’s OK, honestly. I can find my way around the kitchen.’
‘Be my guest,’ he said, gesturing down the hallway to the kitchen, and with a curt nod he left her.
Amy’s sense of anticlimax was overwhelming, and a warm shower and a brisk rub down with a luxuriously thick bath towel didn’t help her to feel any better. Standing in her nightgown between the twin beds, she looked down at Bella, sound asleep and blameless, hugging her plush pink pig, her mouth slightly ajar as she slept.
She felt an urge to climb into the bed and to cuddle the little girl close, seeking comfort and reassurance from her small, warm weight in her arms.
Have I done the right thing, baby?
She padded on bare feet down the darkened hall to the kitchen and found an electric jug and the makings for tea. On her way back, mug in hand, she saw light coming from beneath a door just across the hallway.
Was it Seth’s room?
The possibility made her skin flush hot.
Fool.
In her room, she piled up her pillows and sat in bed in a small pool of lamplight, nursing a mug of hot, sweet tea.
She thought about Rachel, and was swamped by a tidal wave of grief. If only she hadn’t invited Rachel to the launch party. For the trillionth time, she wished that she could go back into the past and change that night. Rachel had always been so full of life, so brimming with can-do confidence and charisma. She shouldn’t be dead.
Their friendship had been so strong, an attraction of opposites. Rachel was brilliant and wild and she’d always claimed that Amy was calming and steadying.
‘Amy’s my anchor,’ she used to tell people.
Guys were forever falling in love with Rachel—so much so that she should have had a warning light, like a lighthouse. Amy’s brother, Ryan, had been smitten, but he’d come to his senses eventually and married his sensible, sweet Jane instead.
For her part, Rachel had loved the attention of men, always had a boyfriend on tap, but somehow she’d managed to stay immune, never really falling in love.
Until her trip north.
‘You should have been there, Ames,’ she’d said, on that night she’d finally opened up. ‘I needed you there, to keep me on the ground. I lost my head completely.’
Swiping at tears, Amy thought about Seth. She wondered if he was looking at the photo album now. Would he sleep tonight? Or was he totally calm again?
Was he thinking about Rachel? About Bella?
He’d looked so terrible tonight when she’d told him her news, and the memory of the deep lines of pain etched in his face sent a throbbing ache to the middle of her chest.