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The smile died on her lips almost before it was born. House-husband. Well, he’d never be able to take that role with her. She couldn’t have children. And it’d get to the point where she wouldn’t be able to work, wouldn’t be able to contribute to the household budget. She’d be completely dependent on him, so he wouldn’t be able to give up work. ‘Best find yourself a career-woman, then,’ she said, hoping that it sounded light but knowing how bitter it felt.
The cake was delicious, but it nearly choked her—she had to force down every mouthful. ‘I’ll tell Mummy what a good chef you are,’ she informed her godson. She glanced up at Toby. His face was unreadable again. She knew him better than she knew anyone else. He was the last person she wanted to become a remote stranger. How was she going to fix this mess?
Somehow they got through the evening. When Billy was in bed, and Helena was tucked up in her cot, Saskia made some coffee. ‘Tobe. We need to talk,’ she said, handing him a mug.
‘Mmm-hmm.’ His tone was guarded.
‘This morning shouldn’t have happened.’ Why couldn’t she look him in the eye? ‘I think we’re both embarrassed about it. We got a bit carried away, that’s all. So let’s pretend it didn’t happen.’
‘It didn’t happen,’ he said tonelessly.
He agreed with her, then? Good. She smiled in relief. ‘I love you dearly, Tobe. You’re my best friend. You’re important to me and I don’t want to complicate things. Let’s just stay how we’ve always been.’
‘Sure.’
She risked a peep at his face. Inscrutable. Was he relieved, disappointed, angry? She couldn’t tell. Or maybe he felt the way she did: confused.
Whatever he thought about it—and that remained a complete mystery to her—life seemed to go back to normal again over the next few days. She didn’t see Toby as much as usual at the hospital, but she reassured herself that it was because they’d changed their shifts to make sure the children were covered. He didn’t spend much time with her once the children were in bed, but again she knew he was busy, writing a paper. He had to do the work some time. Didn’t he?
A couple of days later, the emergency department paged Saskia. She rang them immediately. ‘Saskia Hayward, Maternity Unit—you called me?’
‘Dr Hayward, we’ve had an RTA in—pregnant driver, suspected placental abruption.’
Placental abruption was when the placenta separated from the wall of the womb. Blood accumulated between the placenta and the womb, forcing the placenta to tear away even more. In severe cases, the baby wouldn’t get enough blood and oxygen and could die. For the baby to survive, at least half the placenta needed to stay in place.
‘Patient history?’
‘Thirty-two weeks gestation.’ So, if she needed to do an emergency Caesarean section, the baby had a decent chance of survival. That was good. ‘The mum’s having contractions, says she feels sick and faint, and she’s very thirsty. She’s complaining of abdominal pain, and her abdomen’s tense.’
Not so good: it sounded like a severe abruption.
‘What have you done so far?’
‘She’s on oxygen, we’ve got an IV line in and we’ve checked the baby’s heart rate. It’s low.’
‘OK. I’m on my way down. I need a portable ultrasound, six units of blood cross-matched, and can you get her bloods checked and let me know the platelet count, please?’
‘Will do.’
‘Great. And can you bleep the anaesthetist, please, in case we have to go straight to Theatre?’
‘That’s my next call.’
‘We’ll need Paeds as well—I want Mr Barker, if he’s available.’ Things between them might be a little cooler than usual right now, but he was the best doctor for the job, the doctor she’d most want to work with in this situation. They’d always worked well together, been a real team. That wasn’t going to change.
‘Will do.’
In the emergency department, she introduced herself to Pippa Fletcher. ‘What we think has happened is that when you had the accident and your tummy banged into the steering-wheel, it caused your placenta to tear away from the wall of your womb,’ she explained. ‘This means you’re losing blood, which is what’s making you feel sick and dizzy.’
‘Is my baby going to be all right?’ Pippa asked, her voice shaky.
‘We’ll do our best,’ Saskia reassured her. ‘We may have to give you a Caesarean section and deliver the baby.’
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