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Nikki nodded, somehow following his thoughts, confirming his conclusion.
That weekend had been hell for Colin. He’d been overwhelmed with grief and guilt, and he’d willingly lost himself in the comfort she’d offered without thought of the consequences—without thought of anything but how much he needed her. He’d taken advantage of her warmth and her compassion and her love, and then he’d walked out on her.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. The separation necessitated by his job had been difficult for both of them, and that weekend he’d finally acknowledged the truth of what his father had been saying—Nikki deserved more than a husband who was gone most of the time. She deserved so much more than he could give her.
He’d ended their marriage not because he didn’t want to be with her, but because he wanted her to have the life she deserved. A husband who could be with her, the family she’d always wanted. It had almost killed him to think of her with someone else, but he’d forced himself to walk away, to give her that chance.
At the time, he’d honestly believed he was doing what was best for Nikki. As she’d done what she had for their daughter.
So how could he blame her for keeping her pregnancy a secret when her reasons so closely paralleled his own?
Nikki finally sank down into one of the vacant kitchen chairs, obviously drained by their argument. “I think what’s more important than what either one of us did five years ago is what you want to do now.”
“I want to be a father to my daughter.”
Her hesitation spoke volumes, and had his anger rising again.
“For how long?” she finally asked. “How long are you going to stick around and actually be part of her life?”
He was so damned tired of rehashing the same argument, of feeling guilty for the decisions he’d made. Mostly he hated that he couldn’t give her a definitive answer. Because until he knew for certain that the threats against his life were past, he couldn’t promise her anything.
“I’m here now,” was all he said.
Colin left Nikki’s house with a lot of issues still unresolved but with a firm date set for him to see Carly: tomorrow.
Nikki and Carly had plans to go to the botanical gardens for a picnic in the afternoon, and Nikki had reluctantly agreed to let him tag along. They were still at odds about the “daddy” versus “uncle” matter, but Colin was so excited about actually spending some time with his daughter, he almost didn’t care what she called him.
By the time he got back to his hotel, apprehension was warring with anticipation. He knew nothing about children, less than nothing about his own child. Had he pushed the issue too soon? Had he forced all of them into a situation that none of them was prepared for?
He had to admit, it wouldn’t be the first time. When Nikki had agreed to marry him, he’d rushed her to Vegas without fully considering the magnitude of such a step. He’d loved her, but that love hadn’t been enough to sustain their marriage.
Was his pursuit of a relationship with his daughter destined to the same fate?
No, he refused to believe it. This was different. This was about his child. He’d already missed the first four-and-a-half years of her life; he refused to miss even one more day.
The ring of his cell phone was a welcome interruption from his disquieting thoughts.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?” came the impatient demand.
He recognized his agent’s voice immediately.
“I’m in Fairweather,” Colin told him.
“Didn’t you hear the news? The police arrested Duncan Parnell.”
“Yeah. Detective Brock called me last night.”
“Then why the hell are you still in Pennsylvania? Get your butt on a plane and get back here.”
“I’m not coming back,” Colin said. “Not right now, anyway.”
A long, stunned silence followed his announcement. Then Ian finally asked, “Why not?”
He didn’t even know where to begin to answer that question. “It’s a long story.”
“It’s a woman, isn’t it?” Ian didn’t wait for a response. “Dammit, Colin, haven’t I always warned you that women are the downfall of men?”
“And you have four ex-wives to prove it,” Colin finished for him. “Yeah, you’ve told me the story.”
“Obviously you weren’t listening.”
“You’re my agent, not my personal advisor. And as my agent, I need you to look into a job opportunity for me.”
“You’re not unemployed yet,” Ian reminded him. “The new owners haven’t made a decision about your contract.”
Colin ignored the protest. “There’s a new cable station launching in Fairweather in September—an all-sports channel—that’s looking for on-screen personalities.”
Ian groaned. “You don’t know anything about television.”
“Just get me an interview and a screen test.”
“You’re sure about this?”
“Positive.”
For the first time in five years, he knew exactly what he wanted, and he wasn’t going to let anything stand in his way of getting it.
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