Reflections of a Bachelor Girl

FAINT praise ne'er won fair lady.

GOING through life without love is like going through a good dinner without an appetite – everything seems so flat and tasteless.

IT is most provoking to a woman who is winning in a quarrel to have a man suddenly turn round and take the argument right out of her mouth – with a kiss.

WHERE do all of the lost hearts go? Well, most of the masculine ones go "down where the Wurzburger flows."

THE hardest problem of a girl's life is to find out why a man seems bored if she doesn't respond to him and frightened if she does.

MENTAL science never cured a man of love-sickness, because in the average man's love mentality plays so small a part.

A MARRIED woman has an awfully small chance of learning anything about her husband's English vocabulary, for the simple reason that he never addresses her except in baby talk or swear words.

A $30-A-WEEK clerk always feels it incumbent to take a girl to the theatre in a taxicab. It requires a bona-fide millionaire to drag her about in a five-cent street car with perfect éclat and no apologies.

WHETHER a girl looks indignant or happy after you have kissed her depends a great deal on how long she has been waiting for you to get up the courage to do it.

TURNED-DOWN lovers tell no tales.

WHEN a woman says "There are no secrets between my husband and me," it is a sure sign that she hasn't found out any of his.

THERE are dozens of systems for winning at roulette, but the only system for winning at love is systematic flattery.

LOVE in a cottage doesn't seem so appalling when you come to consider that there is such a thing as matrimony in a modern flat.

NO MAN is a really artistic lover who hasn't enough dramatic instinct to forget all other women while he is making love to one.

IF it weren't for the tiresome wedding journey and the monotonous honeymoon, bridal couples could begin being happy right away.

EVEN though the dulcet iciness in her voice ought to be more effective than a shriek of warning, a man will go right on telling his stout, blondeblonde wife that she ought to dress like the slim brunette next door.

THERE is something about a wife's tears that washes all the color and starch out of a man's love.

WHEN married people can't come to terms marriage should come to a termination.

THE longest way round matrimony is the shortest way to happiness.

THE reason a man is so often tempted is because most of the time that is what he is sitting around waiting for.

FROM the stony silence into which the average husband sinks after the honeymoon there must be something almost unspeakable about matrimony.

A WOMAN looks upon her first kiss as a consecration; a man regards it as a desecration.

TIME and tide wait for no man, but the untied woman has to wait for any man who chooses to keep her waiting.

IN fashionable circles one wife and a dog constitute a "family."

IT MAY be very noble of a man to have no secrets from the woman he loves, but it's rather hard on all the other women he has gotten over loving.

A MAN who can marry the right girl and won't marry her somehow always ends by being made to marry the wrong one.

MANY a good husband hasn't the nerve or the courage to be anything else.

WIDOWS have all the honors without any of the trials of matrimony; a live husband is sometimes a necessity, but a dead one is a real luxury.

MANY a man's idea of a wife is something decorative to be kept around the house and only taken out on show occasions like the jewels in his safe and the horses in his racing stable.

IN olden times sacrifices were made at the altar – a custom which is still continued.

OF course every woman knows that the man she loves is a "brute" – but unfortunately that is one of the reasons why she loves him.

THE kind of woman who holds a man's devotion forever is like a silky, self-satisfied Angora cat who takes her petting as a matter of course, never returns it, and never gets on his nerve by asking for more.

IT isn't so much a man's sins and failings, but the air of conscious pride with which he accepts her comments on them that a woman can't forgive.

THAT will be a great novel in which the author can make the man who owns the machine as fascinating as the chauffeur.

EVERY man honestly believes that franchise in the hands of a woman is like a loaded gun in the hands of a small boy – utterly useless and sure to do damage to somebody.

WAD some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as men's mothers see us – but it wouldn't make us happy.

ONE reason why a dainty little thing like a woman wastes her love on man-creature with a rough chin, stubbly hair and a smell of tobacco about his clothes is that he is the only thing in that line.

A MAN will forgive a woman for almost any indiscretion sooner than for leaving her hair in the comb and for breaking the Ten Commandments sooner than for leaving her hot curling tongs where his fingers can get on them.

THE man who tries to mix his women friends has about the same unfortunate results as the man who tries to mix his drinks.

'TIS better to have kissed and paid the cost than never to have kissed at all.

THE word "court," whether it refers to the way her husband won her or the place where he lost her, always has a pleasant sound to a grass widow.

IF a woman could veil her thoughts and feelings as effectively as she veils her face she would be so fascinating that no man could resist her.

WHEN it comes to love-making men are so unoriginal, that a sage, a fool and a "lovers' letter-writer" all sound exactly alike.

HUSBANDS are like Christmas gifts: you can't choose them; you've just got to sit down and wait until they arrive and then appear perfectly delighted with what you get.

THE only way to be happy with a husband is to learn to be happy without him most of the time.