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I wasn’t sure where the question had come from, or where the conversation was heading, but I could see that this was no out of the blue inquiry that could be tossed off with some pat response. She really wanted—needed—an answer. A truthful one.
I thought about it for a moment. Yeah, there were definitely some episodes in my life that I’d like to go back and fix. Like the fact that I didn’t know who my family was, or that the one woman who I’d finally given my heart to, Karen Long, had gotten rid of our baby that she’d carried.
“How can I have a baby from a man who doesn’t even know who he is? Suppose there are some maniac genes or something in your family?” she’d said, as if she’d done nothing more than take out the garbage. Humph, garbage.
But maybe she was right. I didn’t know and had no way to prove otherwise. For as long as I lived I’d never be more than one big question mark.
That was almost six years ago, but the revelation took its toll. From that day on, I never looked at relationships with women, family, or myself the same way. And I believed there was a part of me that would never be whole. How could I offer myself to anyone when I didn’t know who I really was?
“Yes,” I finally answered, “but you can’t go back. All you can do is deal with the reality, make the best of it, and move on.”
She looked at me, wide-eyed and hopeful, and a place inside of me seemed to shift, crack open. I almost heard the hinges creak from lack of use. A part of me that had been dead—stirred, struggling for resurrection. But everything I was, had been, had ever been dealt, beat it back down.
Shoving the tickets into my shirt pocket, I stood. “Thank you for all you help. Sorry to have kept you. I’m sure there must be a family to go home to.”
She hesitated a moment. “No. Just me.”
Her answer pulled me up short. I couldn’t imagine a woman like Maxine not having something waiting for her to walk through the door.
I slung my hands into my pants pockets, and for the life of me, right up to today, I don’t know where the next words that fell out of my mouth came from.
“Hey, since, I kept you—if you don’t have any plans—maybe we can go for a quick bite to eat.”
She smiled, not a come-on smile or anything, but sort of shy and unsure.
“That’s really nice of you, but I don’t think so. Thank you, anyway.”
I shrugged. “Hey, no problem. Just a thought. Thanks for your help.” I turned to leave.
“Maybe some other time.” It was more of a question than a statement, halting me midstride, cast out like bait on a hook.
I turned back around, and there was that half-smile again.
I nodded. “Cool. Some other time, then. Maybe when I get back from Atlanta.”
“Okay.”
“Take care, Maxine.”
“You, too.”
The entire week that CJ and I spent in Atlanta, all I could think about was Maxine. I couldn’t quite put my finger on whatever it was about her that had hit me. Maybe it was that moment of vulnerability I saw in her eyes, or the sensation that she’d stirred in me that made me want to take care of her and protect her—even though she seemed to have it all together, cloaked in an undeniable aura of sensuality.
Whatever it was, I couldn’t seem to shake it, and the realization unnerved me. For too long I didn’t allow myself to experience any real feelings for a woman, and I wasn’t sure what to do with them now, how to handle it. I figured I’d rap with CJ about it. Even though he wasn’t married or anything, he’d been hooked up with Tracy for what seemed like forever. What was always cool about my friendship with CJ over the years was that we could always be honest with each other, even about the dumbest stuff, how we felt from deep inside, crazy ideas we had, the things that scared us. And it was always cool.
CJ was the only person besides me who knew the real deal about me and my family, how it made me feel like half a man not knowing who they were, and what Karen had done to our baby. No one but CJ knew how that almost destroyed me, but he hung in there with me, stayed solid, stayed my man.
But even for me, trying to explain what was going on with this chick Maxine was a bit much.
We were sitting in the hotel bar in Atlanta, relaxing, taking in the sights and sounds. CJ was on his second screwdriver, while I nursed my rum and Coke. Can’t quite say when we decided these were our drinks of choice. Maybe one of those Saturday night basement parties from back in the day—the ones where it was black as pitch, with the purple light that made all the lint show up on our clothes, and almost all of the music was slow so that we could grind with our girls up against the wall or in some corner, and B.Y.O.B. was a requirement for entry. Yeah, maybe it was one of those. But that’s another story.
Anyway, CJ and I were just kicking it, not talking about anything special, just some of the stuff we needed to be ready for the next day, when CJ spotted these two fine sisters sliding onto the stools on the opposite side from us.
“Hmm. Check them out,” he said over the rim of his glass.
I looked. One reminded me of Iman, the supermodel, and the other looked like an older version of Brandy, the singer. Neither one of them looked like Maxine. Maybe Iman, around the eyes.
“Not bad,” I said.
“Not bad! Brother, are you blind?”
“Not the last time I checked. Just not interested. And with Tracy back in Frisco waiting for you, you shouldn’t be interested, either.”
He gave me a hard, get ready to rumble look, but knowing that those days were behind him I just ignored it.
“You know, Ty, I hate it when you’re right.” He took a sip of his drink. “But hey, just because I’m in love doesn’t mean I have to roll over and play dead.” He chuckled and ordered another drink. “My eyes are still workin’, even if my heart is under lock and key.” He patted his chest for extra drama.
I glanced at him for a moment and knew from the faraway look in his eyes that he was thinking about Tracy. That was my opening.
“CJ, Man—”
“Yeah?”
“How did you know that Tracy was the one for you?”
The corner of his mouth curved up in a slow grin. “Hmm.” He took another sip of his refreshed drink. “Sometimes I think it was when we first made love.” He shut his eyes for a minute and shook his head. “Blew my mind. But then other times I think that couldn’t have been it, because it wouldn’t have been that fantastic if everything else wasn’t already in place.” He turned to me. “Know what I mean?”
“Yeah.”
“Humph. Other times I think it was our first kiss, or the time we both cut out from work and had a picnic in the park.”
His brows rose and fell in thought. “But I guess it was the way she made me feel almost from the moment I met her, Man. It was just easy and right, like we’d been waiting all our lives for that day. Something just clicked.”
He angled his head in my direction and flashed me that scowl again.
“Why, Bro? Think you’ve run into Ms. Heavensent?”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Oh, no.” He chuckled. “You’re not gettin’ off that light. Let’s hear it. Who is she, and why haven’t I met her?”
“I just met her myself—at the travel agency when I went to get our tickets.”
“And—”
“And that’s it.” I took a long swallow of my drink.
“Oh, no it isn’t. I know you just want to spill your guts. So you might as well get it over with.”
I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my face. He wasn’t going to let up until I told him, and I wanted to, anyway.
“I don’t know, Man,” I said, trying to find a way to explain what was going on in my head. Then it dawned on me. “I guess it’s like what happened with you and Tracy. Something just clicked.”
CJ just stared at me, seemingly at a loss for a quick comeback, which was his usual style.
“Man, don’t sit there looking at me like I have two heads.”
He stared cracking up. “Ty, Man, I never thought I’d see the day when something clicked for you. I always figured you’d stay on the prowl until they had to cart you away. Tracy is going to love this. Now maybe she can stop playing matchmaker.”
Tracy’s mission in life was to hook me up with everyone from her second cousin and her hairdresser to her sorority sisters. If nothing else, she was persistent. Should things work out with me and Maxine, then maybe I could safely visit CJ on a Saturday night without the fear of a setup in the works.
CJ tossed down the last of his drink and then grew serious. He turned to me. “So, what’s she like—”
We returned to Frisco late in the day Friday and, like a man possessed, the first thing I did when I dropped my bags at the foot of my bed was to call the travel agency.
“Sherman Travel. May I help you?”
I started to hang up. It was probably a stupid idea, calling like that. She was probably just being nice when she said—
“Hello? May I help you? Hello?”
“Uh, hello. I was trying to reach…Maxine…Sherman.”
“Hold on, please.”
Oh, man, this was not a good idea. I felt like a total idiot.
“Hello?”
That voice again. My insides started to knot up. “Hello, Maxine?”
“Yes. Who’s this?”
“Taylor Collins, from the other day. I bought the tickets—”
“Hi! How are you?”
She actually sounded happy to hear from me. The knot started to loosen. “Fine. Just got back in.”
“How was your trip?”
“Hectic, but productive. Thanks for working things out for me.”
“Please…no problem. It’s what we do.”
“So, how have you been?” I asked, feeling more ridiculous by the minute.
“Incredibly busy.”
I heard her soft laughter and it made me smile. “That must mean business is good.”
“Absolutely. I’m not complaining.”
We were both quiet for a moment. I could hear voices in the background and I guessed her assistant, Marva, was tapping on the computer keys for a customer.
“I, uh, guess I should let you get back to work. I know you’re busy.”
“Okay. It was good hearing from you. I’m glad you had a successful trip.”
“Thanks again.”
“Sure.”
We both seemed to be suspended in air, holding our breath, hoping that the drop wouldn’t be fatal. Then we both spoke at once.
“Taylor, I—”
“I was hoping I could—” We both laughed. “Ladies first.”
She cleared her throat, then hesitated as if maybe she’d changed her mind. “I thought maybe if you weren’t busy tomorrow night, there’s an outdoor jazz concert in the park—”
I chuckled. “I was getting ready to ask you the same thing.”
“So I guess that’s a yes?” I could almost hear the smile in her voice.
“Definitely. Maybe we could grab a bite before showtime, then head on over.”
“I have a better idea. I, uh, try to be careful what I eat…these days. So why don’t I fix some snacks and we can take them to the park?”
“Well, I don’t want to just be bringing my long arms. What can I do?
“Hmmm. Bring a blanket and something to drink. Juice or water,” she added quickly.
Guess she didn’t drink, I thought, and stored the information away. “No problem. I think I can handle that. Is six good?”
“Fine.”
I let out a relieved breath. “So…I’ll see you tomorrow at six.”
“Yes. Six. I’m working tomorrow, so you can pick me up here.”
“Yeah, me, too. I’ll be there. Good night, Maxine.”
“Night.”
And it was then I knew I wanted to say good night to Maxine every night of my life.
By the time I pulled up across the street from Sherman travel for my date with Maxine, I was shaking like something with a bad case of the willies. I’d been pretty much useless at work, couldn’t stay focused. All I could think about was that I wanted tonight to be perfect. I knew I was acting like this was the first time I’d been out with a woman, which was far from true, but I couldn’t get rid of that twitchy sensation in my stomach. And if CJ said, “Just be cool,” one more time, we would come to blows.
“Maybe Tracy and I’ll come and check you out at the park,” he’d said just before we got ready to head out for the day.
Although most computer firms did the regular five day, nine to five, WebMasters was a twenty-four hour, seven-day-a-week operation. I couldn’t count the times in the beginning when we got calls at home in the middle of the night from clients whose systems went down. After a few months of that, we decided to expand the hours. Then it was days. It was rough at first with the small staff, but now twenty-four-seven was a way of life.
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