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Was that why no one in her life ever stayed? Because she wasn’t pretty enough? Wasn’t special enough? Wasn’t lovable enough?
She thought of those petite blondes and redheads that breezed in and out of Sean’s life—and no doubt his bed—women like Heather Harrison with her big blue eyes, chic blond hairstyle and double-D cups. Women who were nothing like her.
Not that she wanted to be one of Sean’s women. Despite that ripple of sexual awareness that kept popping up between them, she’d decided long ago that Sean Fitzpatrick was out of her league. And while she’d made some real stinker decisions when it came to men, she wasn’t fool enough to risk the kind of heartache a man like Sean would offer. Still a girl couldn’t help but dream a little, and wonder how it would feel to be the one on the receiving end of that unholy grin or the wink of those deep blue eyes. It was easy to see why women fell for him. The man had enough charm and sex appeal to be declared a lethal weapon. If that kiss this afternoon was anything to go by, she was darn lucky she wasn’t his type.
Kate shivered as she thought about that kiss again, recalled the feel of his mouth on hers, hot and demanding, the heat of his arousal pressed against her belly. He’d kissed her as though he’d wanted to swallow her whole. And for a few insane seconds she’d wanted him to.
Of course, he’d regretted the kiss almost immediately. Opening her eyes, she smiled ruefully and turned away from the mirror to make her way to the living room. That was the trouble with knowing Sean so well, she mused. She’d sensed his panic at once. And he’d been so pitifully obvious in his attempt to put things back to normal between them. She’d almost laughed aloud. And probably would have if it hadn’t hurt quite so much.
Plumping up one of the big throw pillows on the couch, she hugged it to herself for a moment. No question about it, Katie girl, kissing Sean was definitely a mistake. And one she’d be wise not to repeat.
Sean was her best friend. And she’d sooner walk barefoot through broken glass than humiliate them both by reading anything into that kiss. No way did she want to jeopardize their friendship. It was too important to her. He was too important.
So tonight she would share his pizza, reassure him that one teensy kiss, no matter how steamy, didn’t mean a thing. Sean could go back to the Heather Harrison goddesses he preferred, and she…well, she’d deep-six all these yearnings that kiss had stirred inside her.
After flipping on a Leann Rimes CD, she set about lighting the candles scattered around the room. Her thoughts drifted back to her thirtieth birthday and her painful selfassessment. She’d finally faced the fact that she attracted men who were snakes—men who were incapable of making a commitment. A genetic flaw, no doubt, rooted in her foolish quest for a nonexistent Prince Charming. The admission had been brutal, but she’d done the smart thing—ditched her quest for a fairy-tale prince. No more searching and waiting for some white knight to fulfill her dreams. But the one thing she just hadn’t been able to let go of was her dream to have a baby.
Mercy, how she ached for a baby of her own to love. As long as she could remember, she’d looked forward to being a mother. It was the reason she’d gone into child care and worked at the nursery. She loved holding the little ones, loving them, caring for them, and she hated letting them go at the end of the day. She wanted a baby of her owna child to cradle in her arms, to laugh with and sing to, to give all the love bursting inside her. She’d be a good mother, she promised herself. Her baby would never doubt for an instant that she loved him or her. And despite what Sean thought, her plan made perfect sense. Too bad she couldn’t ask Sean to be the father. That would be perfect.
The sharp knock pulled Katie from her musings. Plastering a smile on her face, she opened the door. And as it always did when she was near Sean, her pulse picked up speed. He still wore the same faded jeans. The sleeves of his denim shirt had been rolled up to the elbows, displaying hard muscles bronzed by the sun. His black hair looked as though he’d rammed his fingers through it one time too many. But it was the turmoil in those blue eyes that made her heart kick. “Ah, the pizza man,” she said, striving to be light.
“I’m sorry about the kiss.”
So much for light, Katie thought with a sigh. “Okay,” she replied and peeked inside the box. “You really did get anchovies.” Taking the pizza from him, she started for the kitchen.
“I was out of line today, and I’m sorry,” he told her as he followed her into the kitchen.
“All right,” she acknowledged, as she set down the pizza, lifted the lid again and sniffed. “Hmm. This smells delicious, and I’m starved.” She opened a drawer and pulled out a handful of napkins. “You want to get the plates?”
“It was a mistake,” he told her, sounding anxious. He grabbed two plates from the cabinet, placed them on the white wooden table. “It never should have happened.”
“Whatever you say.” She poured a glass of milk for herself and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator for him. “You want a mug?”
He snatched the milk and beer from her hands and set them down with a clunk. “Damn it, Katie. Have you heard a word I’ve said?”
“Every single one,” she assured him. And each one had been a swipe to her heart. “You were out of line to kiss me. It was a mistake. It should never have happened, and you’re sorry. That about cover it?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “Now, do you mind if we eat before the pizza gets cold?”
“Would you forget about the blasted pizza? I’m trying to apologize.”
Katie sighed. “All right, Sean. Go ahead. Apologize.”
“I’m sorry I took advantage of you today. I don’t know what got into me.what I was thinking, to make a pass at you the way I did.” Emotions swam in his eyes like a brewing storm. He jutted out his chin. “If you want to take a swing at me, go ahead. I deserve it.”
She couldn’t help herself. Katie laughed. The foolish man was really beating himself up over that kiss.
“I’m glad you find this amusing. I don’t make a habit of forcing myself on a woman, or…or of taking advantage of one when she’s vulnerable.”
“Is that what you think happened?” she asked, temper sparking, not only because he was apologizing for kissing her, but because he thought she was some twit. “You think I’m some weak, simpering female who couldn’t stop you from kissing me if I’d wanted to?”
“I think—”
“Well, think again, Fitzpatrick.” She poked him in the chest with her finger. “I am not one of your big-chested Cupie Dolls. You may have kissed me, but I kissed you back. You didn’t take anything from me that I didn’t want to give. Is that clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Good. Now can we eat before this pizza turns to ice?”
“By all means. Eat. Maybe food will improve that sweet disposition of yours. Anyone ever tell you, you’ve got a nasty temper, Malloy?”
“I believe you’ve mentioned it a time or two.” She brushed past him, flipped open the pizza box and dished out slices onto the plates. Sean said nothing as he took the seat across from her. But she could feel him watching her as they ate in silence. His assessing glances licked along her nerves. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she dropped her pizza onto the plate. “All right. Out with it.”
“What?” He reached for another slice of pizza.
“Don’t give me that choirboy look, Fitzpatrick. I’ve known you too long to fall for it. Just spit out whatever it is that’s got you sizing me up like a piece of evidence in one of your investigations.”
He smiled. Slowly. Seductively. In a way that made her throat go dry. “I was just thinking about what you said. You know, how I didn’t take anything that you didn’t want to give?”
She narrowed her eyes. “So?”
“So, I couldn’t help wondering.” His gaze dropped to her mouth, and Katie’s heart started to gallop. “I was wondering if you provoked me deliberately this afternoon so I would kiss you.”
“I provoked you?”
“Uh-huh. With all that crazy talk about needing me to help you find someone to get you pregnant.”
“There’s nothing crazy about it. And it wasn’t just talk. I intend to get pregnant. As for needing you to find me someone, I don’t. I’ve already got three candidates. It’s simply a matter of choosing the right one.” She snitched a piece of bell pepper from his pizza and popped it into her mouth. “And I don’t need you to do the investigations for me, either, because I’ve decided to do them myself.”
“You? Lord, help us all.”
“Funny. Besides, how hard can it be? All I have to do is lift a few fingerprints, snag a wallet for credit card and driver’s license numbers, maybe make a few phone calls to an employer or an old girlfriend.”
Sean shuddered. “Quit clowning around, Katie. The thought of you playing Mata Hari sends chills down my spine.”
“You’re a riot, Fitzpatrick, and I’m not kidding. I bet I’d make a good detective,” she countered, warming to the idea.
“You’d be about as good at investigating as I’d be at running a nursery school.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, tipping her head to the side. “I bet the little girls would love you, and I think you’d look awfully cute changing diapers.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
She smiled at him. Finishing the last of her pizza slice, she licked her fingers clean.
“You’re really determined to do this pregnancy thing?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll do the investigations for you—on one condition.”
“What condition?” she asked warily.
“If I come up with anything, and I do mean anything, that makes these so-called candidates unsuitable, you promise me that you’ll forget the whole idea.”
Katie hesitated. The truth was that if none of her candidates panned out, she wasn’t sure what she’d do. “I really do want to have a baby, Sean.”
“That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.”
She hesitated. “If none of them pan out, I promise I’ll rethink the idea. All right?”
He sighed. “Do I have any choice?”
Katie squealed. Jumping up, she ran over to Sean and threw her arms around his neck, then proceeded to cover his face with kisses. “Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
“Not that I mind having a woman throw herself at me, but you might want to hold off on a few of those thankyou kisses. You may not be happy with what I find.”
“Oh, I will be. I know it.”
“We’ll see. Now where’s the list?”
“I’ll get it.” Abandoning the kitchen, Katie dashed to her bedroom and retrieved the list from her purse. By the time she returned, he’d cleared away the pizza remains and was waiting in the living room. For a moment she allowed herself to just look at him. All six foot two inches of him were sprawled out on the couch, his head tipped back, his eyes closed. Lord, but the man was beautiful: those razorsharp cheekbones; that stubborn jaw; the sexy mouth that could make a stone weep when he smiled, and turned her brain to mush with a kiss. The fact that the man had a good heart, a kind heart, made him darn-near perfect-everything a woman who believed in fairy tales could want. Except that she no longer believed in fairy tales, and even if she did, Sean would never see her as a princess.
As though sensing her scrutiny, Sean opened his eyes and stared at her. Awareness stirred, sparked between them, charging the air with tension, just as it had earlier. “Here’s the list,” she said, walking over to him.
His fingers brushed her palm as he took the sheet of paper, and she fought back a shiver. Katie pressed her hand to her jittery stomach. “Those are the names,” she said as evenly as possible. “And of course, I can give you whatever personal information I have. The first one, Eric, he’s a salesman who—”
Suddenly Sean’s shoulders stiffened. He shot his gaze back to her face. His eyes were dark and stormy. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“You put Michael’s name on this list?”
“Well, yes. Initially,” she said, confused by his accusing tone. “I told you, I started off with five names and narrowed it down to three. You and Michael were the two I scratched.”
“You actually considered sleeping with my brother?”
“Well, I can’t say that I thought of it in quite those terms. But, yes, I guess I did. I mean if Michael had been the man I selected, then I would have…um…made love with him to get pregnant.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t put Ryan’s and Connor’s names on here, too,” he snapped, referring to his two other brothers.
“Ryan’s married and I draw the line at married men. But if I knew where Connor was, you can bet I’d have included him.” Temper drove her, loosened her tongue. “Besides if Connor kisses anything like you and Michael, I imagine making love with him would be a pleasant prospect.”
“Like me and Mich—” His eyes narrowed to angry slits.
“You kissed Michael?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes. Michael and I kissed a number of times while we were dating.”
Sean shot to his feet. “I don’t believe this. You’ve been dating.kissing my brother?”
“Yes,” she said sweetly, furious with him for finding the idea so shocking. “Why? Is there some reason I shouldn’t?”
“You’re damned right there’s a reason. He’s…he’s—”
“He’s my friend. Just like you’re supposed to be. But unlike you, Michael doesn’t kiss me, then turn around and insult me by apologizing for doing it.”
Two
“Hey, Bro,” Michael said, replacing the telephone receiver on its cradle as Sean marched into his office. “I was just getting ready to buzz you with the good news. We got the Stevens’ contract.”
Sean slammed the door shut and stormed over to Michael’s desk. Planting his palms on the polished mahogany surface, he leaned over and glared at his brother. “I ought to take your head off.”
Michael arched his brow, sat back in his chair and gave him that cool, calm, lawyer look that drove Sean nuts. “You’re welcome to try, little brother. But before I wipe up the floor with you, you want to tell me what you’re so all fired up about?”
The anger that had been churning inside him since Katie had dropped her little bombshell about her and Michael the previous night kicked up another notch. “Where in the hell do you get off hitting on Katie?”
“Katie?”
“Yeah. Katie Malloy,” Sean told him through gritted teeth. “You know, the skinny redhead with the smart mouth that we’ve known since we were kids?”
“Ah…that Katie.”
At the smile spreading across his brother’s mouth, Sean had to check the urge to grab him by his designer shirtfront and wrap the fancy tie around his throat.
“I’m not sure if I’d call a handful of dates ‘hitting’ on her, but Katie and I have gone out together a few times. What about it?”
“You think just because you buy her a couple of meals that gives you the right to jump her bones?”
The smile on Michael’s lips died faster than a snap. “Who said I jumped her bones?” Michael demanded, fists ready. “All I did was kiss her a few times.”
Discovering that there had been more than one kiss did nothing to cool Sean’s already-hot temper. “So you admit it. You’ve been putting the moves on her.”
“I’m not admitting anything.” Eyes narrowed, Michael eased back into his seat. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I hardly think that sharing a few kisses-in which, I might add, Katie was a willing participant—constitutes my ‘putting the moves’ on her. At least not in my book, it doesn’t.”
Sean hadn’t wanted to believe it, that Katie really was involved with his brother. After she’d all but thrown him out last night, he’d spent most of it lying awake, chewing on what she’d told him. He’d decided to have it out with her first thing this morning. Only it had been after four when he’d finally dozed off, and by the time he’d awakened with a splitting headache, Katie had already left for work. To make matters worse, he’d had a full hour to let the steam build while he’d waited for Michael to arrive at the office. His brother’s confirmation that he and Katie did indeed have a more personal relationship left a bitter taste in his mouth. “What’s the matter? Aren’t there enough other women in this city for you to hit on without going after Katie?”
Michael clenched his jaw. “Listen, pal. Who I go out with is none of your business. You don’t see me giving you grief about the women who parade in and out of your apartment, do you?”
“None of those women is Katie.”
Fingers steepled, Michael gave him a considering look. “Is that the problem? Katie turn you down?”
Sean made a suggestion as to what his brother could do with himself.
“Hit a nerve, did I?” Michael taunted.
Sean swore and cast aspersions on the nature of his brother’s parentage.
“Before you go through your limited vocabulary, you might want to remember that the two of us are brothers—which means we share the same parents.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“So, you going to tell me why my going out with Katie has steam coming out of your ears? Or you want me to guess?”
“You know what you can do with your guesses,” Sean told him.
“Could it be that after all these years, you’ve developed a case of the hots for Katie yourself?”
“Katie and I are friends,” Sean snapped, clenching his hands into fists at his side. But the memory of the kiss they’d shared yesterday loomed before him. It was a fluke, Sean told himself, brought on by a bout of celibacy and the fact that Heather had been playing games with him, putting him off. He and Katie were just friends. “I’m angry because Katie’s.she’s practically family, and you putting the moves on her isn’t right.”
“Now that is dumb. Katie may seem like family because we’ve all known her a long time, but there’s no blood tie to prevent either of us from becoming involved if we want to.”
Involved. The word gnawed at him. “Just cut all the BS and tell me, are you serious about her?”
“Why? You worried about competition?”
Sean snorted. “You really are full of it, Bro. Believe me, if I were interested in Katie, you wouldn’t be any competition. I already told you, she and I are friends. That’s all.”
“Uh-huh.”
Michael’s smug expression only infuriated him more. “I don’t want to see her get hurt. All right?”
“And what makes you think I’m going to hurt her?”
“Because.because she’s not your type.”
“I don’t have a type,” Michael informed him. “And if I did, why not Katie? She’s an interesting woman, fun to be with, and she makes me laugh.”
Katie was all those things, but hearing Michael say it sent uneasiness clawing down his spine. “So, you saying you are serious about her?”
The lengthy silence caused a tight, funny feeling in Sean’s chest. “I thought about it,” Michael admitted. “And I suspect Katie did, too. But whatever it is that makes two people want to share their lives together, wasn’t there for us. Katie and I pretty much agreed we’d just stay friends.”
Relief flooded through Sean. His heart made its way back down his throat. But when he glanced at Michael, saw his grin, temper pricked at him. “Why you son of a—” He bit off the rest. “Why didn’t you just say so to begin with?”
“Because it was a lot more fun watching you tie yourself up in knots over the idea of me being with Katie.”
“Go to hell,” Sean told him. “I’ve got work to do.” Whirling around, he stomped out of Michael’s office and headed for his own.
Ten minutes later Sean studied the information he had gathered on an investigation he was working that involved a child kidnapping. As he studied a picture of the mother and daughter, images of Katie sneaked into his thoughts. Katie telling him she wanted a baby, that she planned to get pregnant. Katie with her face flushed, her lips swollen, those whisky-colored eyes of hers filled with yearning and need. The kiss yesterday had been a fluke, Sean told himself again. He wanted, needed, desperately to believe that—for his sake and Katie’s.
The intercom buzzed. “Heather Harrison is on line three.”
He grabbed the phone, eager to chase these crazy thoughts about Katie from his mind. “Heather, darling,” he said, crooking the phone between his shoulder and ear. For the next few minutes he listened to the shapely blonde he’d lusted after for the past three months. But when he hung up the phone with a promise to get back to her later, it wasn’t the voluptuous blonde with the sexy blue eyes whose face kept stealing into his thoughts. It was a skinny redhead with vulnerable, whisky-colored eyes.
That same skinny redhead was still in his thoughts that evening when Sean heard the knock at his door. “Door’s open,” he called out from the back deck where he’d set up the grill for barbecuing. Once he’d called and apologized to Katie for overreacting the previous night, he’d spent the better part of the day trying to make sense out of his sudden and unwise attraction to her. He’d come to the same conclusion each time. The kiss and his reaction to Katie had been a fluke. Having her over for a belated birthday dinner would prove it to himself and to her.
So much for his fluke theory, Sean decided when he glanced up and spotted Katie standing in the doorway. His senses went on full alert, like a fox scenting prey. The “friends only” mantra he’d been practicing all afternoon bit the dust the moment he saw her. Wearing a pink top tied beneath her small breasts and white cutoffs, she was not dressed to inspire lust. But one look at those Rockette legs, with the tips of her toes painted the same shade of pink as her worrisome mouth, and he was in trouble. The fact that she was looking at him—as if she’d just as soon skip dinner and have him for dessert—had his blood pressure hiking up, right along with another part of his anatomy. How in the devil was he supposed to think of Katie as his pal when his blasted hormones kept ambushing him?
She walked over to him—no sauntering, no slow swaying of her hips to entice—just a graceful, fluid stride that was all the more enticing because it wasn’t meant to be.
“Hi.” As always, she gave him a quick smack on the lips in greeting as though she didn’t even remember that yesterday those same lips had rubbed against his, opened and tasted him like a welcoming lover. The friendly kiss was over in an instant, but it had been long enough for him to catch the scent of her perfume. Since when had the scent of honeysuckle become such an aphrodisiac?
“I wasn’t sure what you were serving, so I brought red and white,” she said, indicating the bottles of wine in her hands.
Sean wrapped his fists around the wine to keep himself from reaching for her. He checked out the labels. “Hey, these are both good. Your taste in wine is improving, Malloy.”
“Gee. You have such a way with compliments, Fitzpatrick. If a girl isn’t careful, you’ll just turn her head.”
Sean chuckled as he was meant to do, and the tension in him eased a notch. “We’re having steaks. So, I’ll open the red and let it breathe. Have a seat. I’ll be right back.”
“Need any help?”
“Are you kidding? You think I’d let you come near my kitchen again? It took me a week to rid the place of the stench of burned pasta.” At her scowl, he laughed. “Go ahead, kick your feet back and relax. I’ve got everything under control.”
And he did have everything under control, Sean told himself, as he poured more wine into their glasses. Claiming the chair opposite the old-fashioned porch swing where Katie sat, he congratulated himself. Everything had gone like clockwork—right down to the antique music box he’d given her as a gift.
It had been just like old times—comfortable, enjoyable. So what if he couldn’t help noticing how soft her skin looked in the moonlight? Or the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed?
She looked up at him over the lid of the music box. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered in that throaty whisper that sparked visions of her lying on satin sheets. Quickly, ruthlessly, he deep-sixed the dangerous image.