- -
- 100%
- +
“I’m not sure. I can’t go back until the medical board clears me for active duty. I know I’m not ready yet. I was supposed to check in at the VA hospital in Iron Mountain and then they’d check me out and find me a local doctor to handle my case.”
“I could do that,” she said.
Will shook his head. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to play doctor.” He grinned and raised his eyebrows and Olivia pictured the two of them, alone in an exam room.
“I could recommend someone, then,” Olivia countered, her cheeks warming with a blush. “I’m familiar with all the doctors in the area.” She took a sip of her coffee. “How are you going to get down to Iron Mountain if you don’t drive?”
“J.T. was supposed to take me. We were supposed to drive down this morning, but he got a job so I had to cancel the appointment.”
“I could drive you,” Olivia offered. “I have a couple days off next week. We could go then.”
“I won’t get in on such short notice.”
“I’m sure if you call, they’ll take you right away.”
“You don’t know the VA.”
“I could call them,” she said.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll take care of it.” Will reached out and grabbed a packet of sugar. He tried to tear it open but his hand trembled. He met her gaze and she could see a flicker of frustration in the blue depths.
“It comes and goes,” he murmured. “It’s worse when I’m tired.”
“What else is going on with you? You can talk to me.”
“I don’t want to complain about my problems,” he said. “I just want to get better and get back to my unit.”
“Are you taking any medication?”
“I don’t like the drugs. They don’t help. And they make me...fuzzy.” He shook his head. “Can we talk about something else? How are your parents?”
Olivia shook her head, surprised by the ease at which he’d turned the tables on her. “You really want to talk about my parents?”
“We’re done talking about my medical condition.”
“My parents are fine. They’re divorced now, but they’re fine. My mother lives in San Diego. She’s got a studio there and she’s had a couple of very successful shows. My father retired from Michigan Tech a few years ago and he’s teaching physics at the high school in Houghton.”
“I didn’t hear about the divorce. What happened?”
“There was a disagreement between them that they couldn’t get over.”
“About?”
“My mother never bargained for a life as the wife of an unimportant college professor. She’d always imagined herself as an artist, living in an Ivy League town on the East Coast, not stuck in some frozen wasteland in the UP. She put her dreams aside to follow her husband, but after a while she decided she didn’t want to live his life.”
“Well, that clears up a lot of questions I have about her feelings toward me,” Will said.
Olivia wanted to reach out and touch him, to cover his hand with hers. The need for physical contact was nearly overwhelming, but she held back, knowing that the attraction would only lead to trouble. The whole point of this talk was closure, not to pick up where they left off. “How so?” she asked.
“She didn’t want you to follow me around. Hell, I don’t blame her. Military life isn’t for everyone.”
“She wanted me to become a doctor and she wouldn’t let anything get in the way of that—not you, not my father, not even me. She never stopped pushing. And I guess I was such a mess after you left that she finally convinced me she was right.”
“Was she?” Will asked.
Olivia thought about the question for a long moment. In truth, she’d been thinking about that question for years, since the day she’d dropped the letter in the slot at the post office. “We were so young.”
“We were in love,” he replied softly. Their gazes met for a long moment, and then he glanced away. “I should go. I have to meet my sister and her kids for dinner.”
“You haven’t finished your coffee,” Olivia said.
“It—it was good. This place is nice.”
“I’ll drive you,” she offered.
He quickly shoved his chair back and stood. “No, I can walk. I’d rather walk.”
“It’s freezing out there.”
“And I’m sure I’ll survive.”
Olivia decided to let him go. The aftereffects of his brain injury had become apparent to her even in the short time they’d spent together today. His mood could shift in the blink of an eye. He often jumbled his words, which put him even more on edge. Will had never been the type to accept his imperfections, and she could see that it wore on him. So she understood why he would prefer to be alone.
Olivia held her breath as he leaned over the table and brushed a kiss across her cheek. But this time, he didn’t take the opportunity for more. “Take care,” he murmured.
She watched as he walked out the door, then disappeared down the dark street. There were moments when he seemed more like a ghost than a real man. She could just barely detect the Will she’d once known, but he was a strange, vague being that could suddenly vaporize in front of her eyes.
The emotions surging up inside her were hard to describe. They were so twisted with regret and guilt that Olivia wasn’t sure whether it was affection or pity that drove her forward. How could she keep her distance when he needed her? It was her duty as a physician—and a friend—to help him heal. And maybe then she’d be able to let him, and the guilt, go.
* * *
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Elly said when he entered the restaurant. “I’ve been worried. You can’t just wander off like that, Will. You don’t have a car and it’s bitter cold. I was about to call the police.”
“I’m not a goddamn child,” Will shot back, rubbing the ache in his temple. “I am perfectly capable of caring for myself, so just chill the hell out.”
Elly, her husband, Jim, and their two boys stared up at him, wide-eyed, their pizza dinner spread out on the table in front of them.
Will glanced around the small pizzeria, suddenly realizing that he’d been a bit too loud in his response. His first instinct had been to react defensively. But everyone in the place was watching him now, wondering what was going on. The place was too crowded, the patrons too close. He mentally calculated the fastest path to the door, then gritted his teeth. It took every ounce of his patience to remain calm and rational. She had a right to be worried.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t have used language like that. Kyle, Nate, it was wrong.”
Nathan, the five-year-old, nodded. “At least you didn’t use the F word. That one is the worst.”
Kyle nodded in agreement. “Worse than the S word.”
“Daddy says the S word all the time,” Nate countered. “It just means poop.”
“We don’t need a rundown on naughty words,” Elly said, switching her attention to her sons as she refilled their drinks from a plastic pitcher of cola. “You could have called, Will. I’ve been trying your cell phone, but you didn’t pick up.”
“I left the cell phone back at the cabin,” Will explained.
“You should always keep that with you,” she scolded. “I gave it to you to use in case of emergency. How hard is it to put it in your pocket?”
“You’re right,” he said, his jaw tight. “I’ll try to remember next time. Sorry. Mom.”
This brought a round of giggles from Kyle and Nathan. “She’s not your mom,” Nate said. “She’s our mom.”
“Sometimes she feels like my mom,” Will said.
Elly studied him for a long moment, clearly unnerved by his comment. “Were you with Olivia all this time?”
To Will’s surprise, her question didn’t anger him at all. There was no flood of temper or defensive reaction. “No,” Will lied. There was also no point in getting Elly’s hopes up. He didn’t need her constant meddling. Elly had always been of the opinion that he and Olivia were destined to be together. “I was just walking around town.”
“Well, sit down and have something to eat,” she said.
“I’m not hungry. Can I have the keys to your car? I want to go back to the cabin.”
“Sit down and have some dinner. I’ll drive you to the cabin after you eat.”
“No,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I have to get back now.”
“You’re not supposed to drive.”
“I’m not supposed to, but I can.” Will held out his hand. “Please. I’ll return it tomorrow. Early. I promise.”
“No, I’m not going to—”
“Give him the keys, El,” Jim said softly. “He knows whether or not he can drive.”
She glared at her husband. “But he—”
“Give him the keys. It’ll be all right.”
Will sent his brother-in-law a grateful look.
“I’ve got to do an estimate out that way in the morning,” Jim continued. “I can pick the car up. I’ll have one of my guys drive me out.”
“What about school?” Elly said.
“I’ll leave late and take the boys.”
She glanced back and forth between her husband and Will. Finally, with a muttered protest, she grabbed the keys from her pocket and held them out to Will. “Be careful,” she warned. “You’re not used to driving in snow.”
“There’s snow in Afghanistan,” he said. She fixed her gaze on him, a slow, simmering glare that he’d seen when she’d reached the end of her rope with Kyle and Nathan. “I’ll be very careful.”
Will turned and strode to the door. He found the battered Jeep Cherokee parked in the side lot, the windows covered with snow. He used his sleeve to clear them, then hopped in behind the wheel. Bracing his hands on the wheel, he took a deep breath before flicking the ignition.
Fear pricked at his determination. It had been over four months since the accident. His ability to do everyday tasks was slowly returning. But was he ready for this?
Will put the SUV into gear and reversed out of the parking spot, then headed to the street. Between the swirling snow and the streetlights, visibility wasn’t ideal. Everything seemed to have a strange, wavering halo around it. Focusing on the road in front of him, Will headed toward the highway and the route back to his cabin.
In his mind, he replayed the events of that evening. It seemed like a dream, as if he’d imagined seeing Liv again. But then he remembered the kiss—the way her mouth tasted, how her face felt beneath his fingertips. She was everything pure and simple and beautiful. And she was the antidote to all his fears and insecurities.
Had she been any other woman, he would have taken what he wanted and then walked away. But he cared about Liv and he wasn’t about to take advantage of her sweet and generous nature.
Besides, the last thing he needed to do was fall in love with her all over again. Especially if there was no possibility that she’d return the sentiment.
By the time he reached the road to the lake, the snow had stopped and the moon was visible in the night sky. Will turned toward the boat ramp, steering the SUV out onto the ice. The shadowy hulks of ice-fishing shacks loomed in the narrow beams of the headlights.
He put the SUV into Park and stepped out onto the ice. The wind was still sharp, biting at his face as he looked up into the star-filled sky. How many times had he stood in a desolate spot in the Afghan countryside and done this very thing, trying to imagine home and the people who waited for him there?
He’d avoided this place for so many years. Though he’d taken leave occasionally, he’d never once gone home. He’d learned to push his fear aside while defusing bombs, and yet he’d been a coward when it came to facing his personal life.
How much longer could he go on like this? What if he wasn’t cleared to return to active duty? What if that IED had ended his military career? He’d have to make a life for himself somewhere, among normal people.
Clenching his fists, Will tipped his face to the sky and screamed as loud as he could. The wind swallowed the sound before it could echo. Frustrated, Will spun and slammed his fists against the driver’s-side door.
Pain throbbed in his hands and his eyes began to water. He was beginning to feel again and it frightened him. The armor he’d constructed to protect himself in battle was slowly crumbling and he wasn’t sure what kind of man was left underneath.
He’d never tolerated weakness in himself. Maybe that was part of the military DNA. Chin up and carry on. When he’d enlisted, Will had been determined to be the best marine he could possibly be. It was the best way he could honor the father he’d lost too early and the grandfather he’d admired. The marines would be the thread that connected him to his dad for all time, and with every experience he had, from boot camp to the front lines in the war, he’d felt as if he knew his father better.
He’d never told Liv about his reasons for enlisting. His dad had died before Olivia had been a part of Will’s life, so she’d never known him. And until recently, he hadn’t really examined his choices. But after coming out of the coma, Will had spent a lot of time looking back on his life and objectively assessing the path he’d chosen.
He’d defused hundreds of bombs and he’d never made a mistake. And then fate—or God, or just pure bad luck—had stepped in and reminded him that he was mortal after all. He was an imperfect man.
It was as if the explosion had knocked something loose inside of him. He suddenly seemed to have doubts about himself, about his future. The kind of doubts that could get a man killed. Maybe the bomb had been a warning, a sign that it was time to stop living on the edge of darkness and death and head toward the light.
Will pushed away from the SUV and opened the driver’s-side door. It was exhausting trying to hold himself together. Except when he was with Olivia. With her, his mind seemed to grow quiet, his nerves calmed and he was just a normal guy with normal emotions—like lust and desire. And as unfair as it was to her, he wasn’t sure he could resist that high.
Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back and drew in a long, deep breath of the icy air before climbing into the SUV again. Will flipped on the headlights and then drove the truck back to the boat landing. When he got to the cabin, he left the keys in the ignition and trudged through the snow to the front door.
As he closed the door behind him, Will realized that he hadn’t brought in firewood. He cursed softly, then crossed the room and flopped down on the sofa, face-first. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts drift again to the kiss. How far would they have let it go?
He remembered how hot and desperate it used to be between him and Olivia. He’d been a boy pretending to be man. He’d learned a few things since then. Maybe she had, too. If they did make love again, it would be different than before. They were different.
Will drew a deep breath and let his imagination take over, dissolving into a lazy fantasy of undressing her. His fingers twitched, old instincts still alive and well. Funny how sometimes he struggled to remember words or simple tasks, yet seduction seemed to come back so easily.
But then, this was his fantasy. Reality would have to wait for later.
* * *
DRIFTS OF PLOWED snow lined the streets of Calumet, some of the piles nearly obscuring the houses behind them. The weather had cleared and an arctic front had dipped down from the north, making the air frigid.
Olivia reached out to crank up the heat in the Lexus. When she looked up, she noticed a lone figure walking down the side of the street, and she slowed as she drove around him. It was only at the last second that she realized it was Will.
She hadn’t seen him since last week, and though she’d tried calling a few times just to check in, they’d never been able to connect. Olivia had decided to stop calling when it occurred to her that he might be ignoring her on purpose.
She pulled the car over in front of him and honked her horn. Will jogged up and opened the passenger-side door. “Get in! It’s freezing out there.”
Will did as she commanded, and when he was settled in the passenger seat, he brushed his hood back and pulled off his gloves. “It’s not that bad,” he said.
“What are you doing out there?”
“Just taking a walk,” he said.
“In subzero weather?”
“Like I said, I didn’t really notice the weather.”
“Did you walk from your sister’s place?” Olivia asked.
Will glanced over at her. “No. From the lake cabin,” he said.
“Six miles? Why didn’t you call me? I could have come to pick you up.”
He smiled crookedly, and Olivia felt a measure of satisfaction. She felt good when she could get him to lighten up a bit. He seemed so somber...so sad. “There,” she teased. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Walking into town?”
“No, smiling.”
He turned away, fixing his gaze outside the passenger window. “Sorry,” he murmured. “I’ll try to be more obliging.”
“No,” Olivia said. “I don’t want you to pretend.”
“Where were you going?” Will asked. “I thought you’d be at work.”
“I’m driving up to Copper Harbor. I’ve got a project that I need to check on. Do you want to come with or would you rather continue your stroll?”
He considered her offer for a few seconds, then shrugged. “I’ll tag along.”
She pulled out into the street and headed north out of town for the half-hour drive to the end of the peninsula. “Funny how we keep running into each other,” she said.
“Yeah,” Will replied.
“Kind of a bitter day for a walk,” she commented.
“Sometimes I just have to get out,” he said. They drove along in an uneasy silence for the next few minutes as Olivia racked her brain for a topic of conversation. They’d enjoyed themselves a few nights ago at the coffee shop, rekindling their friendship. But now suddenly all that progress had been lost and they were more like strangers again.
Will seemed completely comfortable with the silence, lost in his contemplative mood, but Olivia suspected that idle chitchat was exactly what he needed. He’d been cooped up in the cabin for far too long. “It’s good that you’re getting more exercise. It will clear out all the cobwebs.”
“You want to talk? Let’s talk about you. Tell me about this project of yours,” Will said.
Olivia sat up straighter. “It’s very exciting. It’s an idea I had when I was in medical school and part of the reason I wanted to come back here to work. I got some grant money to start some community wellness centers. They’d be staffed by nurse practitioners. All services would be completely free and it would be a central location with information about nutrition and health insurance and smoking cessation and—and— Well, the clinics will make huge difference. We’ll help people locate the resources they need to lead much healthier lives. And it will all be free. I’ve been able to raise enough money to open ten locations throughout the Upper Peninsula.”
“You seem very passionate about it.”
“It’s going to be very important. Because there’s a small population here, we can study the results and how well these wellness centers work, then we can expand to other rural areas. It means I have to commit to staying in the area for a while, but that’s no hardship. I want to stay here and improve the lives of people in this area.”
Will nodded. “I think it’s a brilliant idea, Liv.”
“We’re hoping to put our offices in the schools because they’d have the most visibility, and if we don’t find rental property, we’re going to look at trailers.”
“If anyone can make it work, Liv, you can.”
She glanced over at him. “Really?”
“You’ve always been the person who makes things happen. That’s what I admire about you.”
“It’s good to know you’re on my side. My boss at the clinic isn’t thrilled with the idea.”
“Why not?”
“He believes these people should visit their family practitioners for this information. That we can’t keep an eye on their health without a doctor watching over them. I argue that this is a way for people to get good information so they know when to go to the doctor. And if money is taken out of the equation, they’ll come.”
They spent the hour-long drive discussing the details of Olivia’s plan and at times, the mood in the car turned almost lighthearted. But when she tried to steer the conversation toward him and his health, his mood darkened immediately.
It pained her to see Will so uneasy with himself. He’d always been a quietly confident guy, but now, faced with the prospect of socializing, he acted like a cornered animal, ready to bolt at the earliest opportunity. She wasn’t sure she understood. “Why is talking so difficult for you?”
“I don’t know,” Will said.
“Yes, you do. What are you afraid of, Will? You’re safe here. You don’t have to look out for bombs or enemy soldiers.”
“There are bombs everywhere,” he murmured. “Just not the kind you’re thinking of.” He drew a deep breath. “After living in that world, I’m not sure I’m fit to live with normal people.”
“It’s going to take some time,” she said. “You’ve been conditioned to be watchful and suspicious of people. Those feelings don’t go away overnight. We can talk about this.”
“No,” he muttered. “No, we can’t.”
“I’m a doctor. Whatever you say to me is just between you and me.”
“Wouldn’t it be that way if you weren’t a doctor?”
“Yes, of course. I’m just telling you that you can trust me not to reveal anything that you mention to me.”
“Let’s just leave the war where it belongs,” Will said.
They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they reached Copper Harbor, Olivia followed the directions the real estate agent had given her and found the small log building near the waterfront. The place had once been a souvenir shop but was now abandoned and run-down.
“This is it?” Will asked.
“Yeah. The agent unlocked it, so we can go in and look,” she said.
They walked to the front porch, trudging through foot-deep snow. Will reached out and took her hand as they climbed the steps, then opened the front door. The agent had turned on the heat and it was surprisingly comfortable inside.
“This isn’t too bad,” Olivia said, gazing around. “I can imagine how it would work. A reception desk here, and we’d need to make a wall here. And this whole area would be available for workshops and meetings. Healthy-cooking classes and exercise demos and—” She took a deep breath and laughed. “I get so excited about this.” Olivia glanced over at Will to find him staring at her. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. This is important to you.”
“It is. I mean, I don’t want to be the kind of doctor who just stays in the office all day long and runs patients in and out on an assembly line. I want to make a difference. I want to show people that good health is in the food they eat and the miles they walk and in the positive attitude they have about life.”
“I believe you could do that.”
“And I want to do it in the UP. There are so many people who need me here.”
Will caught her hand and pulled her around to face him. “About the other night...” he started.
Olivia was stunned by the sudden shift in his mood—and the conversation. From the look on his face, it was obvious he was torn about something and that something had to do with her.
“At the coffee shop? We had a nice time,” she said. “I enjoyed myself.”
“I meant the kiss,” he murmured. “I wasn’t thinking. It was...unintended. But part of me wishes I’d taken it further.”
“Old habits die hard.”
“No, this is different. But I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
“And what idea would that be?”
He paused for a long moment, and she could see he was having trouble putting together the words he wanted to say. Finally, he shook his head. “I don’t know.”
Olivia reached out and took his hand. “It was just two old friends reliving a moment from their past. Let’s just leave it at that.” And yet, the kiss hadn’t felt friendly at all. It had been a perfectly wonderful and passionate kiss, the kind of kiss Olivia craved. But falling into a romantic relationship with Will would only complicate the situation. He needed a friend more than he needed a lover.