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“I have to take the bus,” he said. “It’s part of the deal.”
“Are you excited to get back?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “I mean, I’m looking forward to seeing my brothers. I’d love to know what they’ve been up to. But after living here on the farm, my life at home seems a bit dull.”
She giggled. “You think the farm is more exciting than living in Seattle?”
“I’ve loved this life,” he said. “It’s simple and oddly satisfying. I’ve loved working beside you and sitting at the table watching you make dinner and I even love burning the garbage. I feel healthy, like I’ve actually put in a day’s work when I’m done.” He held out his hands. “And I have calluses.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching out to take his hands in hers.
“For what? They’re like a badge of honor.”
He slipped his hand around her nape, then she pulled him down on the bed with her. “I can’t imagine what would have happened if my grandfather had handed me a different ticket. I would never have met you.”
“Maybe I would have hired one of your brothers?”
“Maybe,” he said. But the thought of Rachel with any other man but him was difficult to tolerate. “No. I don’t think so.”
“How do you know?” she asked. “If they look anything like you, I might have.”
“Actually, they all look a lot like me.” He ran his hand down to her breast, cupping the warm flesh in his palm. “But none of this would have happened.”
“How do you know?”
He bent close, his breath warm on her ear. “Because you were made for me, and me alone,” he whispered.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a fierce kiss. “It’s like we know each other so well. But we only know us. We don’t know anything else. Just what’s gone on between us.”
“This is all that makes any difference,” Dermot said. “And the other stuff, we’ll learn later.”
“Later? When is later? Not tomorrow, or next week. We’re all out of time.”
He sat up next to her. “We don’t have to be, Rachel. We can find a way to be together. We just have to figure it out.”
“I can’t ask you to stay,” she said.
“And I won’t ask you to leave,” he countered.
“Then where does that leave us?”
He smoothed his hand across her cheek. “Maybe you’ll decide to leave. Or maybe I’ll decide to come back. You never know what might happen.”
She nodded slowly. “You never know.” Rachel lay back down and stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. “Tell me what you’re going to do when you get home. I want to imagine you there.”
“First, I’ll probably lie down on my sofa. It’s a really nice leather sofa. And I’ll turn on the game. I get home on a Sunday, so that means football. Hopefully, the Seahawks will be playing. I’ll have a beer, take a shower and then at about five, my time, I’ll call you and we’ll spend the rest of the night on the phone.”
“That would be nice,” she said.
“And then I’ll talk to you through Skype and we can actually see each other.”
“That would be even better,” she said.
“This isn’t the end, Rachel. Not by a long shot.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “You believe that, don’t you?”
“I think I do.”
He kissed her. “Good.” Dermot drew a deep breath. “We should probably go. I don’t want to miss my bus.”
“It’s not due for another hour,” she said.
“If we don’t leave now, I’m going to take off all my clothes and all of your clothes and we’re going to lose all track of time.”
Rachel stood up and held out her hand. “All right.
Let’s go.”
Dermot grabbed his bag and followed her out. Eddie was sitting on the porch of the old stone house. He waved and Benny came running up, looking for a treat. Dermot gave him a pat on the head before Rachel handed him the keys. He helped her into the passenger side. When he got behind the wheel, she was staring at him.
“What?”
“You know, I never even took a photo of you. We should have taken some photos.”
“I guess we were too busy with other activities,” he said.
“Promise you’ll send me one? Take one outside your house. Take lots of pictures of your house and your office, so I can imagine you there. And take a picture of your bed, too.”
“So you can imagine me there?”
“No, so I can imagine myself there with you,” she said.
He reached over and wove his fingers through the soft hair at her temple. “I think I can do that.”
The rest of the ride into town passed in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. He wanted to say so many things to her, to tell her how much she meant to him, to tell her that he was falling in love with her. But the more he said, the more complicated his leaving became.
And yet, why was he holding back now? He had a chance to change the course of his life, to capture the heart of the most incredible woman he’d ever met. Yet, he couldn’t gather the courage to put himself out there, to risk rejection, to expose his vulnerabilities.
Why couldn’t she say it first? Just so he knew that she felt the same way. Dermot thought he saw it in her face, in the way she looked at him. But he’d never been in love before, so it was difficult to know if he was reading the signs right.
By the time they reached town, he’d twisted himself into so many knots that he wasn’t sure where he stood with Rachel. He pulled up in front of the bus stop and they both hopped out of the truck. Rachel opened the tailgate and they sat on it, dangling their legs.
“Are you going to wait here with me?” he asked.
“I am. I’m going to spend every last moment with you that I can.”
“You’re not going to cry, are you? Because if you cry, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“You can kiss me and tell me everything will be all right. And that we’ll see each other again soon.” She drew a ragged breath. “But I’m not going to cry. I think if I start, I won’t be able to stop.”
“Please don’t cry,” he murmured. He bent close and kissed her. Even after all this time, the temptation to touch her was more than he could resist. He’d grown so used to having complete freedom around her, to act on his affections and his needs. “I don’t want that to be the thing I’m thinking of all the way to Seattle.”
“All right,” she said. “You’ll kiss me goodbye and that will be it.” She glanced at her watch. “We have some time yet. Why don’t we go inside and get a bite to eat? Then I won’t have to sit at the dinner table tonight, missing you.”
The town’s café served as the bus station, and before they got a table, he rechecked the schedule. Dermot ordered a large coffee and two ham sandwiches to go, and Rachel ordered a slice of pie. They shared the pie in a booth at the window, teasing and joking with each other in an attempt to alleviate the emotion between them.
When the bus pulled up in front of the café, Dermot reached out and took her hand, then pressed his lips to her fingers. Then they both got up and walked outside, her hand in his. Dermot was almost afraid to let her go, afraid that by doing so, the connection between them would be broken forever.
The bus driver looked at them. “Are you both traveling today?”
Dermot shook his head. “Just me.”
“Can I stow your bag?”
He shook his head. “I’ll carry it.” He turned back to Rachel. “So, I guess this is it. You’ll be all right on your own?”
She nodded, gently untangling her fingers from his. “I will. Don’t worry.”
He bent close, then pulled her body against his and kissed her. What began as a frantic meeting of lips and tongues softened into a kiss filled with longing and regret. Suddenly, he didn’t want to leave anything unsaid. He needed her to know exactly how he felt. “I love you, Rachel.”
She looked up at him with a wide-eyed gaze. “I—I love you, too.” She threw her arms around his neck. “I do.”
Dermot grinned, then kissed her again. “Good. I’m glad we have that settled.”
“Have a safe trip. And call me when you get home.”
He kissed her once more, then turned and walked onto the bus. When he found an empty seat, he looked out the window to find her watching him. Rachel blew him a kiss, then gave him a little wave as the bus pulled away from the curb.
Dermot watched her as long as he could, looking over the back of his seat to see the last glimpse of her through the rear window of the bus. When there was no longer anything more to see, he sat down again, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes.
With every mile that passed, the ache grew a bit deeper. It was as if his heart was being torn out of him, one molecule at a time. Dermot wasn’t sure there would be anything left of it when he got back to Seattle.
He loved her. There was no doubt in his mind. And though Dermot wasn’t sure how it had happened, he’d managed to find the one woman in the world who could make him blissfully happy. And he was on a bus, driving in the opposite direction.
“No one ever said you were the smartest guy on the planet,” he muttered to himself.
RACHEL STARED AT THE PHOTO that Dermot had sent her, the image smiling out at her from her laptop screen. He was standing in front of his house with a silly looking cheesehead hat on his head. He’d obviously spent a few of his hard-earned dollars on a memento before he got across the state line.
He was so handsome. Even after a month apart, she could still remember every detail of the time they’d spent together. They spoke every day, sometimes two or three times, over video chat on her computer. At night, before she fell asleep, they talked about their day, Rachel recounting everything that had happened on the farm.
Without the ability to be distracted by physical pleasures, they were getting to know much more about each other. Most of the questions she’d had about his life in Seattle had been answered and discussed in great detail. She’d learned the full story of his parents’ death, about their childhood before and after they became orphans.
She learned that his grandfather had come from a tiny fishing village on Bantry Bay in Ireland and that Martin Quinn had been a widower with a son when he arrived in the U.S.
She fell asleep to his handsome face and watched him sleep in the early hours of the morning when she got up. It was almost like having him with her again. But the daily routine on the farm had become far less exciting without him there to talk to her, to help her with the work.
The boys had more than made up for his absence when it came to the farm work. For some odd reason, they seemed to delight in the early mornings in the barn. And the moment they got home from school, they were back at work, Eddie now advising them on the proper way to do things.
After a late dinner, Trevor and Taylor did homework at the kitchen table, then were off to bed by nine. Rachel kept asking if they wanted to go into town to hang out with friends, but they seemed to be most comfortable with each other. Dermot had told her that the bonds between brothers were strong and she was seeing it firsthand with her nephews. Still stinging from the upset in their living arrangements and the breakup of their parents’ marriage, they were wary of strangers.
Still, they had found a few things of interest at school. They’d both joined the chess club and the math team. And Trevor was still playing on the junior varsity football team, staying late for practice every night after school. Once football was over, they planned to join 4-H so they could learn more about showing goats at the fair.
Rachel didn’t have the heart to tell them that they might not be at the farm next summer for the county fair. They needed to know that they had found a permanent home for as long as their mother wanted them living at Clover Meadow.
At least Rachel’s life had become more interesting. She’d baked cookies for a booster club bake sale and she’d cheered Trevor on from the stands at the game. But she couldn’t help but feel that her life was incomplete without Dermot.
There was a big empty spot in her heart where he’d once resided. And though they spoke every day, she felt the overwhelming need to touch him and kiss him, to crawl into bed naked and make love to him.
Home was supposed to be where she was happy. And the only way she could be happy now was if she were here with Dermot. And since he wasn’t on the farm with her, the farm didn’t feel like home anymore. Rachel closed her eyes and tried to remember when Dermot was with her, when they had all the time in the world together. Six weeks didn’t seem long enough, and yet it was all she’d needed to fall hopelessly in love with him.
Rachel stood up and carried her plate to the kitchen and rinsed it off. Closing her eyes, she braced her hands on the edge of the counter and drew a deep breath. The screen door squeaked and she felt a flutter in her stomach.
How long would it take before she realized that he wasn’t the one entering the kitchen? She turned around, ready to greet the boys arriving home from school, then realized they were fifteen minutes early. Instead she found her sister, Jane, standing at the door. Her face was haggard and she had deep shadows beneath her eyes. She looked as if she was ready to collapse from the effort of holding her suitcases.
“Hi,” Rachel said. “What are you doing here?”
Jane set the suitcases down on the floor and looked up, her eyes filling with tears. “I— I’m—” She wiped the tears away and forced a smile. “Sorry, I was just—” A sob tore from her throat.
Rachel crossed the room and gathered her in her arms, rubbing her hand across her sister’s back. Jane had always been thin, but Rachel could feel bones beneath her starched white blouse. “Don’t worry. It’s going to be all right. You’re home now. Everything will be fine.”
Rachel gently moved Jane to a chair and sat her down, then took the place next to her at the table. Holding her hand, she tried to soothe her weeping.
“I don’t know why I’m crying now,” Jane said. “I haven’t allowed myself any tears, even when he told me about the affair. I’ve been a freaking rock.”
“It’s because you feel safe here,” Rachel said.
She glanced around. “Where are the boys? I don’t want them to see me crying.”
“They’ll be home soon. Trevor has a game tonight. He’s going to be so excited that you’re here.”
“He told me about the football team,” she said. “Rachel, I can’t thank you enough for doing this. You’ve spared them so much heartache letting them live here.”
Rachel took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “They know what’s going on.”
“You told them?”
“No, they told me. They’re aware of a whole lot more than you give them credit for. And we’ve talked. I’ve been honest. And they’re confused, but they know this doesn’t have anything to do with them. And they’re worried about you. And really angry with their father.”
Jane threw her arms around Rachel’s neck and gave her a hug. “I know I don’t deserve your help after the way I’ve treated you. About the will and the farm. And I’m so glad you didn’t sell. The boys and I would be homeless now if you had.” She drew a deep breath. “And I’m going to do everything I can to help out around here.”
“You’re going to stay?”
Jane nodded. “I—I’ve been thinking that this might be a good place to raise my boys. I mean, they seem to like it here and—”
“They love it here,” Rachel said. “And they love working the farm. They want to join 4-H and they’re starting to make some friends at school.”
“You were right to keep the place,” Jane said.
“I think I was.” She shrugged. “I was kind of lonely here at first, but now there’s a whole family living here.”
“What about that guy, the one I met when I dropped the boys off? What was his name?”
“Dermot.” Rachel drew a ragged breath. “He’s gone. Back to Seattle. We still talk every day, but it’s been impossible to get together. He’s really busy with work and I can’t leave the farm right now.”
“But you can soon. I’m here now. I’m going to learn everything about raising goats.” Jane sighed. “It’s all right that I’m here, isn’t it?”
Rachel nodded. “It’s your home, too. And I think Dad would be happy that you and the boys are here. He talked about them a lot.”
“I’ve been so… selfish. I should have brought them to see him when he was sick. I just didn’t think he’d… well, I thought he was going to live forever. Nothing is forever. I guess I’ve learned that.”
A rumble sounded from outside. “The bus is here,” Rachel said. “Why don’t you go say hello to your boys. I’ll make something for them to eat. I can’t tell you how much Trevor and Taylor eat. They have a meal when they get home from school and then another after milking is finished and then another before they go to bed.”
Jane stood up. “Well, I’m here and I’m going to start contributing. I’m getting the proceeds from our house to use for child support until their father can start paying. It should keep us going for a while.”
As she watched her sister run out the door, Rachel felt as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. If Jane was really serious about staying, then Rachel could have her own life and keep her promise to her father. She felt a surge of emotion as she thought of his pride that his grandsons might one day run the farm he’d loved so much.
She walked to the back door and stepped out onto the porch, watching the scene unfold at the end of the driveway. Her sister met the boys with her arms outstretched, then gathered them both into a hug, laughing and crying at the same time.
Rachel felt tears threaten and imagined how it would feel the next time she saw Dermot. Would she throw herself into his arms? Would she cry happy tears? For the first time since he’d left, she’d begun to believe there might be a chance for them.
“Soon,” she murmured. “Soon.”
The boys hurried down the drive, then dropped their backpacks on the porch before heading to the barn, their mother in tow. “Hey, change your clothes before you start working,” Rachel called. “And, Trevor, you need to come in and eat early if you’ve got a game tonight.”
“We just want to show Mom the goats,” Taylor said. “We’ll be right back.”
“Don’t go out into the barnyard with your school shoes,” Rachel warned.
Jane turned and smiled at her, then mouthed a thank-you. She slipped her arms around her sons’ shoulders and headed across the yard to the barn.
Rachel rubbed her arms against the chill in the air, then turned and walked back inside. The responsibility of parenting the boys had injected a lot of worry into her day-to-day life. But now that Jane was here, she could relax a bit.
The experience hadn’t been all that difficult. In fact, she’d been able to see that she might not make a bad parent one day. But part of her success had come from Dermot’s insights. From the moment the boys had arrived on the farm, he’d taken them both under his wing.
She grabbed the bread from the refrigerator and began to assemble three ham sandwiches, the favorite pre-dinner dinner for the boys. They’d find the milk and cookies on their own.
She had an hour before milking, and after that, they’d go into town for Trevor’s football game. Right now, she wanted to curl up in bed and talk to Dermot. She grabbed her laptop from the table, unplugging the power cord.
To her delight, the boys had put in a wireless router to handle the three laptops in the house. It allowed her to talk to Dermot from anywhere, including the barn. Rachel climbed the stairs and shut her bedroom door behind her. Then she opened her laptop and dialed into Dermot’s computer. A few seconds later his face appeared on the screen.
“You’re early,” he said. “Is everything all right?
“It’s fine,” she said. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Are you in your bedroom?” Dermot asked.
“Yes.”
“Are you naked?”
“No,” Rachel said. “But I can take care of that if you want.”
He groaned. “We have to stop with the online sex, sweetheart. It’s making me crazy.”
Rachel smiled. “I thought we were getting rather good at it.”
“It’s not like the real thing,” Dermot replied.
“Why don’t you take off your clothes first,” she said.
“I can’t right now. I’m at the office and I have a meeting in exactly three minutes. But we can make a date for later.”
“I’m going to Trevor’s football game later. And Jane is here now, so I have to get her settled. But I will try.”
“I’ll be waiting,” he said. He kissed his fingertips and pressed them to the screen. “Miss you.”
“I miss you more,” Rachel said.
She pressed her fingers to the screen. A moment later, it went black and she sighed softly. How many more nights would she have to spend alone?
DERMOT SAT AT A STOPLIGHT, the Mercedes sedan idling beneath the music coming from the radio. The wipers slapped back and forth in a counter-tempo and he squinted out into the afternoon shower.
His mind flashed back to the rainy afternoons he’d spent on Rachel’s farm, the quiet time making love in her bed while the thunder rumbled outside, the freshened air blowing at the lace curtains in her bedroom.
All of his memories were so clear, so real, that he could almost imagine himself back there. He knew they’d agreed to wait until Christmas before they saw each other again, but every weekend, after every call, he fought the urge to hop on a plane and go visit her.
He couldn’t imagine that she’d be disappointed to see him. They spent every evening on the phone or on video chat, and though it wasn’t even close to being enough, it was all he had for now.
How many nights had he lain awake, thinking about making love to her, reliving every moment they’d spent in each other’s arms. It wasn’t just the miles between them, it was the need to touch her, to reassure himself that she was real, that what they’d shared was real.
He thought that returning to Seattle would help him put his priorities in order. But since he and his brothers had returned, everything had been turned upside down. All four of them had managed to meet women who had changed their lives, but none of them had made a move to leave Seattle for love.
It didn’t help that in the six weeks away, work had piled up and they were busier than they’d ever been. Dermot had three sales trips planned for the next two weeks, all to meet clients who were looking to build a custom yacht.
He used to love his job, the challenge of the sale, the high he got when a client signed on the bottom line and handed over a check for the down payment. And it had been fun to socialize with the rich and famous. It had certainly put him in a good place to meet a lot of beautiful women.
But there was only one woman he was interested in now and she was living on a farm in Wisconsin, tending to a herd of troublesome goats. Dermot smiled as he remembered the two of them, standing on the gate and watching as the goats frolicked in the field.
This was crazy. Why was he denying himself the only thing that he really wanted in the world? The truth was, he was just marking time here in Seattle, waiting until he could see her again. Why not just go?
Dermot picked up his cell phone and dialed his office number. His assistant picked up after two rings. “Hey, Lisa. I need you to book me a ticket for Chicago, for tonight. See if you can find a flight that leaves after seven. I still have to get through rush hour and get home to pack. Eight would be even better. And reserve a rental car.”
He finished giving her the details, then hung up. A slow smile broke across his face. “That was easy,” he murmured to himself. Now, should he tell Rachel he was coming or should it be a surprise? They usually did a video chat around six his time and she’d be expecting that. But he could do that from the airport, if need be.
Given the travel time between Chicago and Seattle, and the drive out to the farm, he’d probably arrive in the middle of the night. He’d call her when he was a few miles away.
His phone rang and he picked it up. The caller ID was from Lisa in the office. “Are we booked?” he asked.