Rubáiyát of Doc Sifers
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LXXVIII
Er durin' any public crowd, mass-meetin', er big day,Where ladies ortn't be allowed, as I've heerd Sifers say, —When they's a suddent rush somewhere, it's Doc's voice, ca'm and cle'r,Says, "Fall back, men, and give her air! – that's all she's faintin' fer."LXXIX
The sorriest I ever feel fer Doc is when some showEr circus comes to town and he'll not git a chance to go.'Cause he jes natchurly delights in circuses – clean downFrom tumblers, in their spangled tights, to trick-mule and Old Clown.LXXX
And ever'body knows it, too, how Doc is, thataway!..I mind a circus onc't come through – wuz there myse'f that day. —Ringmaster cracked his whip, you know, to start the ridin' – whenIn runs Old Clown and hollers "Whoa!– Ladies and gentlemenLXXXI
"Of this vast audience, I fain would make inquiry cle'r,And learn, find out, and ascertain —Is Doctor Sifers here?"And when some fool-voice bellers down: "He is! He's settin' inFull view o' ye!" "Then," says the Clown, "the circus may begin!"LXXXII
Doc's got a temper; but, he says, he's learnt it which is boss,Yit has to watch it, more er less… I never seen him crossBut onc't, enough to make him swear; – milch-cow stepped on his toe,And Doc ripped out "I doggies!" – There's the only case I know.LXXXIII
Doc says that's what your temper's fer – to hold back out o' view,And learn it never to occur on out ahead o' you. —"You lead the way," says Sifers – "git your temper back in line —And furdest back the best, ef it's as mean a one as mine!"LXXXIV
He hates contentions – can't abide a wrangle er disputeO' any kind; and he 'ull slide out of a crowd and skootUp some back-alley 'fore he'll stand and listen to a furseWhen ary one's got upper-hand and t' other one's got worse.LXXXV
Doc says: "I 'spise, when pore and weak and awk'ard talkers fails,To see it's them with hardest cheek and loudest mouth prevails. —A' all-one-sided quarr'l'll make me biased, mighty near, —'Cause ginerly the side I take's the one I never hear."LXXXVI
What 'peals to Doc the most and best is "seein' folks agreed,And takin' ekal interest and universal heedO' ever'body else's words and idies – same as weWuz glad and chirpy as the birds – jes as we'd ort to be!"LXXXVII
And paterotic! Like to git Doc started, full and fair,About the war, and why 't 'uz fit, and what wuz 'complished there;"And who wuz wrong," says Doc, "er right, 't 'uz waste o' blood and tears,All prophesied in Black and White fer years and years and years!"LXXXVIII
And then he'll likely kind o' tetch on old John Brown, and dwellOn what his warnin's wuz; and ketch his breath and cough, and tellOn down to Lincoln's death. And then– well, he jes chokes and quitsWith "I must go now, gentlemen!" and grabs his hat, and gits!LXXXIX
Doc's own war-rickord wuzn't won so much in line o' fightAs line o' work and nussin' done the wownded, day and night. —His wuz the hand, through dark and dawn, 'at bound their wownds, and laidAs soft as their own mother's on their forreds when they prayed…XC
His wuz the face they saw the first – all dim, but smilin' bright,As they come to and knowed the worst, yit saw the old Red-White-And-Blue where Doc had fixed it where they'd see it wavin' still,Out through the open tent-flap there, er 'cros't the winder-sill.XCI
And some's a-limpin' round here yit – a-waitin' Last Review, —'U'd give the pensions 'at they git, and pawn their crutches, too,To he'p Doc out, ef he wuz pressed financial' – same as heHas allus he'pped them when distressed – ner never tuk a fee.XCII
Doc never wuz much hand to pay attention to p'tenceAnd fuss-and-feathers and display in men o' prominence:"A railly great man," Sifers 'lows, "is not the out'ard dressed —All uniform, salutes and bows, and swellin' out his chest.XCIII
"I met a great man onc't," Doc says, "and shuk his hand," says he,"And he come 'bout in one, I guess, o' disapp'intin' me—He talked so common-like, and brought his mind so cle'r in viewAnd simple-like, I purt'-nigh thought, 'I'm best man o' the two!'"XCIV
Yes-sir! Doc's got convictions and old-fashioned kind o' waysAnd idies 'bout this glorious Land o' Freedom; and he'll raiseHis hat clean off, no matter where, jes ever' time he seesThe Stars and Stripes a-floatin' there and flappin' in the breeze.XCV
And tunes like old "Red, White and Blue" 'll fairly drive him wild,Played on the brass band, marchin' through the streets! Jes like a childI've saw that man, his smile jes set, all kind o' pale and white,Bare-headed, and his eyes all wet, yit dancin' with delight!XCVI
And yit, that very man we see all trimbly, pale and wann,Give him a case o' surgery, we'll see another man! —We'll do the trimblin' then, and we'll git white around the gills —He'll show us nerve o' nerves, and he 'ull show us skill o' skills!XCVII
Then you could toot your horns and beat your drums and bang your guns,And wave your flags and march the street, and charge, all Freedom's sons! —And Sifers then, I bet my hat, 'u'd never flinch a hair,But, stiddy-handed, 'tend to that pore patient layin' there.XCVIII
And Sifers' eye's as stiddy as that hand o' his! – He'll shootA' old-style rifle, like he has, and smallest bore, to boot,With any fancy rifles made to-day, er expert shot'At works at shootin' like a trade– and all some of 'em's got!XCIX
Let 'em go right out in the woods with Doc, and leave their "traps"And blame glass-balls and queensware-goods, and see how Sifers drapsA squirrel out the tallest tree. – And 'fore he fires he'll sayJes where he'll hit him – yes, sir-ee! And he's hit thataway!C
Let 'em go out with him, i jucks! with fishin'-pole and gun, —And ekal chances, fish and ducks, and take the rain, er sun,Jes as it pours, er as it blinds the eye-sight; then, I guess,'At they'd acknowledge, in their minds, their disadvantages.CI
And yit he'd be the last man out to flop his wings and crowInsultin'-like, and strut about above his fallen foe! —No-sir! the hand 'at tuk the wind out o' their sails 'ud beThe very first they grabbed, and grinned to feel sich sympathy.CII
Doc gits off now and then and takes a huntin'-trip somewhere'Bout Kankakee, up 'mongst the lakes – sometimes'll drift round thereIn his canoe a week er two; then paddle clean on backBy way o' old Wabash and Blue, with fish – all he kin pack, —CIII
And wild ducks – some with feathers on 'em yit, and stuffed with grass.And neighbers – all knows he's bin gone– comes round and gits a bass —A great big double-breasted "rock," er "black," er maybe pairHalf fills a' ordinary crock… Doc's fish'll give out thereCIV
Long 'fore his ducks! – But folks'll smile and blandish him, and makeHim tell and tell things! – all the while enjoy 'em jes fer sakeO' pleasin' him; and then turn in and la'nch him from the startA-tellin' all the things ag'in they railly know by heart.CV
He's jes a child, 's what Sifers is! And-sir, I'd ruther seeThat happy, childish face o' his, and puore simplicity,Than any shape er style er plan o' mortals otherwise —With perfect faith in God and man a-shinin' in his eyes.