While You Were Dreaming

‘Oh that.’ She wondered why the poxy bar couldn’t just wait. Surely Lena was more important?

‘I’m sorry, Cara, I forgot,’

‘That your sister’s in hospital?’

‘No! Of course not!’ Millie really wished she could stand up to Cara, just this once.

‘Get down here, Millie!’

Her heart sank at the thought of another ‘shift’ at the hospital. It wasn’t that she resented going, it was so much more than that.

She packed the vacuum cleaner away and pushed a pile of magazines under her bed. She’d tidied up her room the best she could and made a slight dent on the lounge, which in Lena’s absence had begun to resemble a pigsty. Cara was right about one thing–she didn’t do cleaning. But with all that was going on, it really helped to keep busy–especially as she still didn’t have a job. Besides. Lena would need a clean house to come home to. So, perhaps in a day or two, she’d even tackle the bathroom, spare room, and maybe even the kitchen. Lena’s room would remain the same, though, just as she’d left it. In fact, Millie hadn’t been in that room since Lena’s accident.

She freshened up and slid into a pair of skinny jeans, running a tube of lip gloss over her full lips. She looked good. Presentable. Sexy even. And her arse was far from skinny–more shapely and firm, apparently, judging from the reaction of the builders renovating the house a few doors down. Millie grabbed her handbag off the floor and glanced round proudly at her almost tidy bedroom. The place definitely needed a dust–now if she could only find out where Lena kept that huge green feather duster she used every Sunday as she listened to her MP3 player, singing at the top of her voice. Millie giggled, picturing the image in her head–Lena wasn’t the greatest singer!

As she turned to leave, Millie caught the glimmer of something shimmery on top of the television and spotted Rik’s watch. He’d have to come back now, she thought, with a lurch of excitement.

Millie blocked out Cara’s whingeing as she placed a finger softy onto Lena’s cheek. It wasn’t cold. She always expected it to be.

‘Are you even listening to me, Millie?’ questioned Cara. She’d been moaning about her lateness and how she needed to be at the bar, blah, blah, blah. Millie could never win with Cara.

‘I am listening,’ she replied with a sigh. Actually, Millie had been trying to remember the last telephone conversation she’d had with Lena, but she couldn’t. Had it been after her shopping spree at the pound shop, when Lena had called to see if she was all right because she’d been stood up by Rik the night before? No…it was some time after that in the form of a text. Yes, that was it. Lena had done a load of shifts at Kidzline, one after the other, whilst Millie had been spending quite a bit of time at Rik’s. Their paths weren’t crossing much, even though they lived in the same house, but Millie remembered Lena sending a text one day just before the accident. She’d read and deleted it straight away, though, because her phone was running out of memory space, which had been taken up with all the texts she’d kept of Rik’s. Now, she felt her throat constrict as she remembered with absolute clarity what it had said: ‘I miss you, little sis. Lets have breakfast sometime!’

She suddenly began to recall all the times she’d ignore her sister’s calls and texts when she’d decided to go AWOL because of some guy. Yet, when she got kicked out of her bedsit, Lena had been the first one there for her whilst Cara had just berated her for being so irresponsible. And when each and every boyfriend dumped her, Lena was the one to hold her, smooth down her soft curls, wet with tears, and tell her that everything was going to be all right. Just like when they were kids.

‘I just wish this hadn’t happened,’ Millie said helplessly. She waited for a dig from Cara, who actually surprised her for once.

‘Don’t we all,’ she said wearily as they both stared at Lena, as if the joint force of their stare could magically force her eyes open and they would once again see those beautiful emeraldy-green sparklers. To think, as a child, Millie believed they made her older sister look like an alien.

‘Hurry up and get out of this…Please. I–we–need you, Lena.’ She placed a hand on her sister’s arm but, instead of being overcome with the usual sadness, Millie was gripped by a new but just as powerful emotion that swished about inside of her; holding on so possessively, she missed a few breaths.

Guilt.

What Cara felt, she didn’t know, but for her, it was definitely guilt.

The sprawling four-bedroomed house on Underhill Road was where they had grown up and spent their entire childhoods. It had a wooden gate at the front of a small garden that matched most of the other houses on the street. Now though, it seemed to stand out more, as the Curtis household was one of the few that had retained the original layout, as most of the others had been converted into flats.

Now, without Lena, the house felt incredibly lonely. Admittedly, since moving in again, it had only been the two of them–once the lodger Meg had moved on–but Lena had this ability to make it seem like the house was full again. She was like a huge rainbow of light, with flashes of stars sprinkling all around whenever she walked into a room. Not just because of her eyes, but the mad hair, often bunched into a hairband or up in a ponytail (which Millie hated). She always seemed to be in that suede gilet with the fur trim, multicoloured scarf, jeans skirt or bootcut jeans and those massive Uggs she seemed to live in; not because they were fashionable, but because they were comfy. How Millie hated those boots! Millie scrolled down to ‘Lena’ on her mobile, and called the number for the third time, waiting to hear her sister’s answerphone message.

‘Hi, it’s Lena. Leave a short message and I will get back to you. Thanks for calling. Bur bye!’

She dialled again.

‘Hi, it’s Lena. Leave a short message and I will get back to you. Thanks for calling. Bur bye!’

And again.

‘Hi, it’s Lena. Leave a short message and I will get back to you. Thanks for calling. Bur bye!’

She’d called the number every day for the past week, hoping that Lena might actually answer with a noisy laugh, claiming a well-deserved victory in the biggest wind-up ever, admitting that the last two weeks had been a joke.

Millie scrolled down to ‘S’ on her phone. No, she wouldn’t. Not yet. In fact, she was going to do everything in her limited power NOT to do THAT this time. So what if her sister was in a deep sleep? Or that she was alone, jobless and without a boyfriend? She was not going ‘there’.

She glanced around her room, which was now neat enough after the overdue trip to the launderette, the rest of her clothes now packed into her wardrobe and out of the suitcases they’d lived in ever since she’d got thrown out. That hadn’t been her fault, though–she’d defaulted on a couple of months’ rent because her benefit had stopped when she’d found a job. No one had bothered to tell her she’d have to start paying full rent immediately, had they? Lena had bailed her out of that mess by letting her stay after the lodger had left. As always, Lena had been there for her. And, as usual, she’d repaid her by not helping out around the house or even attempting to cook a meal with which to present Lena after one of her long and demanding shifts at Kidzline. Sometimes she didn’t get home until 11 p.m.

Millie smiled bitterly, knowing that she would actually give everything she owned just to have Lena back here, nagging at her to do the washing-up or clean the hair out of the plughole in the bath. She missed her sister furiously scribbling away in that little notebook of hers. She missed the way that they could never walk past a charity shop without Lena wanting to wander in and look at a rusty old mirror or a Victorian tea set whilst Millie would much rather drop into Peacock’s or New Look.

She missed everything about her big sister and, lying in her bed alone in the house, Millie had never felt more lonely in her entire life.

Cara on the other hand was currently experiencing the luxury of ‘forgetting’–albeit temporarily, as she rushed about the bar, in chef/barmaid/boss mode. Mixing June bugs, Mojitos and Caipirinhas; making sure table six got their bar-food platter and keeping one eye on Eliza. So not until the end of her first full shift back, when the bar was locked up for the night and she drove the short distance home, did she begin to think about Lena. She felt a little guilty at this, as she flashed her security pass and the gate opened to let the car through. Shouldn’t she be thinking of Lena 24/7?

Ade was home and, judging by the smell, had prepared something delicious. She slipped out of her ‘bar clothes’ and changed into the pretty silk pyjamas that Ade had bought her two Valentines ago. She hoped he wouldn’t see this as a signal for any midnight loving–she was knackered. Her body had got used to the lack of pace and she needed time to readjust.

‘Have you spoken to Justin, lately?’ asked Ade as they settled on their huge comfy sofa.

‘No, I haven’t. Why should I?’

‘Because he’s Lena’s boyfriend. We should be supporting him.’

‘Don’t start, Ade, I’ve had a long day.’

‘I’m just saying. We should be there for him.’

‘Why? You’ve never got on with him,’ she said, tucking her tiny feet under her.

‘Of course I do!’

‘Only when you found out he was into basketball. How many men in this country are? You had no choice.’

‘He’s Lena’s boyfriend, Cara.’

‘You think I’m going to forget that? Luckily, he is such a coward, I hardly ever see him at the hospital.’

‘That’s just his way of dealing with it.’

‘Ade, I really hate the way he treated Lena. He always took her for granted, for a start. Lena mentioned a couple of times that it was really getting her down.’

‘What did she say?’

Cara cast her mind backwards, finding it funny that she could not remember any recent stuff but incidents from months before–that was easy…

It had been a particularly busy night at A&R. Some blokes had decided to start their stag night there, which meant all hands on deck, especially as Ade was at his mum’s doing some errand. Lena had bounced in, all smiles, asking for her usual ginger beer, ice and a slice of lemon.

‘Hold on a sec, sis, just need to serve that table these beers. Give me one second,’ said Cara, expertly placing four bottles of beers between her fingers.

‘Come on, darling, give us a dance!’ leered one of the blokes.

‘You’re in the wrong place, mate. But I’m sure Spearmint Rhino can oblige,’ she replied as politely as she could.

‘I like my girls tiny and sweet, like you!’ he replied, which was fine, save for the hand on her thigh.

She moved her face close to his and whispered in his ear as the crowd seemed to erupt in ‘wey–heys’ and guffaws. ‘If you don’t take your manky little hand off my thigh, the heel of my stiletto will connect nicely with your tiny little balls. Understand?’ she smiled as he pulled away and his hand quickly retreated from her thigh. ‘Right, anything else boys?’

Lena was still seated on one of the stools and had finished the ginger beer.

‘Want another?’

‘No thanks. I would like some advice though.’

‘On…?’

‘Relationships…And keeping them alive,’ added Lena.

‘Well, I just tell Ade what to do and he does it.’ Cara said playfully.

‘I’m serious, Cara! Me and Justin have been drifting apart lately. It’s like he doesn’t even notice I’m in the room sometimes. He’s always working and I know I can be just as bad…but I wish he’d just talk to me…’

Eliza appeared with a worried look. ‘Someone’s been sick in the Gents’,’ she announced.

‘Then clean it up! Isn’t that what I pay you for?’ Cara said irritably.

‘Erm, I tried but…’

‘I’ll do it! Look Lena, can we finish this conversation later?’

‘But I’m planning a special dinner for Justin later. I just wanted a few pointers, you know, on being extra romantic’

‘You’ll be fine. Listen can I call you later? Sorry sis.’

‘He was always taking her for granted,’ said Cara angrily, deep down knowing that maybe she was no better. ‘And she didn’t deserve that. Now if you don’t mind, I don’t want to talk about that loser on my night off.’

‘All right.’

She knew it wasn’t ‘all right’, but Ade knew better than to contradict her on the subject of Lena’s boyfriend. She just didn’t like him. And no sweet words from Ade would change that. In fact, knowing just how bad Justin had been as a boyfriend made her appreciate Ade more. Ade was gorgeous. Well, certainly the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen. Perfection inside and out and she loved him with everything she had, knowing she’d have sunk without a murmur over the last two weeks, if it hadn’t been for him. He was a part of her family, well, what was left of it. Both her parents were now enjoying new lives that didn’t seem to involve her, Millie, or Lena. Their father had moved to America about ten years ago, as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce papers, and was now living it up with his new family. Millie and Lena had maintained a bit of contact in the beginning, but that all stopped eventually–he just didn’t want to know. As for their mother–there was still no word from her as she currently gallivanted around Brazil. Ever since she’d moved to Southampton five years ago, it was as if she’d rediscovered her youth, jetting off all over the world. Of course remortgaging her house and leaving poor Lena to pay the ensuing bills allowed her to do that.

Cara got up and padded into their bathroom, a beige and cream marble affair that she’d insisted should look identical to the one in the show house they had seen. The only thing missing was the His ‘n’ Hers washbasin. She peered at herself in the large mirror. Her hair would soon need trimming, but it still looked okay; her eyebrows were a perfect arch shape. To the outside world she was the Boss Lady Cara–not to be messed with and always able to deal with whatever life threw at her.

When she returned to the living room, Ade was lying patiently on the couch and she curled up in his arms and twisted her head round to look up at his smile. She loved him so much and thought back over the last few days to how spiteful she’d been to him. She’d taken out her hurt and anger on Ade and suddenly Cara felt bad about that.

Her mind drifted back to a few weeks ago; she was sitting on the very same couch waiting for her dinner to cook, thinking how lucky she was to have almost everything she’d ever desired.

Now, though there was a great big gaping hole in her life.

A space that could only be filled by Lena.

SIX

The sun was shining over the inhabitants of Dog Kennel Hill Estate and for a moment, Michael let the warmth of it spread across his face, cheering him momentarily before he realized how heavy-headed he felt due to yet another broken night of sleep.

In the past, Michael had found a strange type of reassurance in knowing how his day would start, proceed, and end, and he’d no reason to believe today would be any different (unless of course he saw the girl on the bus again). Basically his working day would be as follows; arrive at the building with just over eight minutes to spare, pass the elderly security guard, catch the lift to the second floor, ignore the receptionist’s plastic smile, and be at his desk on time and ready to be part of the (at times mundane) working day. For the most part, he would do as he was told and give the minimum standard of service. This wasn’t to say he was a bad worker–more average. Working to rule and not going beyond any calls of duty. If a problem arose, he’d deal with it efficiently and with a smile, pretending the sales figures in front of him were the most important thing in his life. At one o’clock sharp, he could be found eating lunch in one of the overpriced cafes across the road. He’d perhaps buy a tabloid if he’d finished with the Metro on the way in and then get annoyed at the story of yet another overpaid ‘celebrity’ flaunting their wealth. The remainder of work time was spent clock-watching, working and peeking a look at holiday websites. Back home at his flat, after he had picked up a takeaway, he would doze in front of the television, remote control in hand, knowing he wouldn’t be getting a good night’s sleep that night’s whilst trying not to worry about it.

The one saving grace in his life seemed to be his sister Charlotte and her two kids, but at times even she would make him feel on a downer. Of course it wasn’t her fault. It was just that when he saw how hard she struggled to bring up two kids on her own, it irked him massively that he couldn’t put his hand in his pocket and really help her out. Bung her some cash to pay the latest set of bills or give her a few hundred pounds to go away with the kids for a break. He was a totally useless brother and seeing Charlotte and the kids just seemed to amplify his inadequacies. However, he’d promised to fix the light switch in George’s bedroom and he was sure he could do that much.

‘Glad you came over; the kids miss you!’ his sister said warmly as soon as he entered the house.

‘How are the little ankle-biters anyway?’

‘My beloved children are great. Actually George has been playing up lately and I kind of hoped…’

Michael hated it when Charlotte expected him to act as disciplinarian to her four-year-old son George.

‘What’s the matter?’ he asked, hoping it didn’t sound too much like a whine.

‘The matter is, when he’s with his father, he’s as good as gold. But when he gets back home to me, he’s a complete sod.’

‘I’ll have a word with him.’ Or perhaps just buy him a packet of chocolate buttons, Michael said to himself. He didn’t want to ‘discipline’ the little man any more than he desired a teeth extraction. What the kid really needed was his dad around–even Michael could see that or even just a male to look up to…Once things got better for Michael, he’d take George every other weekend and they could have a boy’s night in, hitch up a tent in front of the telly and pretend to hunt dinosaurs. But for now, he never wanted George setting foot in his dingy flat in Dog Kennel Hill. He’d have to wait until he bought a house. Perhaps one with a garden and they could go camping for real. He couldn’t wait for that!

For the time being, Michael did manage to mumble a few things to George that sounded mildly stern, confining him to his room as punishment, satisfied with his work until he remembered that said room contained a box full of toys and possibly a bag of Haribos.

Uncle duty done, Michael headed back to Charlotte and Serena in the lounge.

‘Did you sort him out?’

‘Yes, I did,’ he replied, sitting on the sofa and absently sorting through the pile of magazines on the side table. Charlotte was forever reading self-help books, magazines, basic tosh.

‘So, you’ve finished with Jen then?’

‘Yes,’ he replied, as his eyes glanced over a couple of psychology magazines.

‘So, you’re a commitment-phobe?’

‘No, Charl.’ Michael picked up a day-old newspaper from the sideboard, revealing a stack of papers and leaflets beneath it including some money-off coupons for Tesco and an Argos catalogue followed.

‘You were together with Jen all that time and I didn’t even meet her! Oh I take that back–I saw her in the supermarket once!’

‘It wasn’t anything personal,’ he insisted, to no avail. He knew Charlotte had already made up her mind. He was used to Charlotte analysing him every time he came to visit.

‘Mumma!’ wailed fourteen-month-old Serena again and again, repeating it in blocks of ten, effectively drowning out Charlotte’s voice.

‘Yes, I know it’s your new word, but I’m trying to speak to your uncle!’ laughed Charlotte. ‘I can’t believe she now calls me Mumma instead of just Dadda. Result!’

‘It is,’ said Michael, genuinely touched by his niece.

‘And you, my love, have a stinky nappy,’ she said, lifting Serena’s bottom in the air and sniffing it. Charlotte headed out of the room, her daughter tucked under her arm.

The silence did not last long. ‘Hello, Uncle Mike, Mummy says I can come back,’ said George, walking in, looking remarkably composed after his ‘telling off’. ‘You dropped this,’ he added as he bent to pick up a small card.

‘Must have slipped out from one of the magazines. Your mum has loads of them.’

‘She said when Dr Phil comes back on, she won’t read lots. What’s Dr Phil?’

Michael shrugged as he took the card from George.

‘Your sister’s asleep in her cot, so keep the noise down,’ said Charlotte when she returned. ‘Knocked out by her own pong, that one. Now where were we?’

Michael was busy studying the orange card–for Kidzline, a children’s charity–and felt a pang of familiarity as he flipped over the card and studied the caption: ‘Only a phonecall away’.

SEVEN

Cara sat on a bench, overlooking the entrance to the hospital.

Ade had given Cara the warning that her mother was on her way. He’d even predicted how long it would take the taxi to arrive from the airport–and he’d been almost spot-on. The black cab pulled up outside Fen Lane Hospital and Cara watched as a woman, just a bit taller than herself, stepped elegantly out of the vehicle like a movie star at a premiere. But instead of the paparazzi flashes, the sky lit up with small bolts of lightning. Instead of the roar of an adoring crowd, there was the wailing of an ambulance siren getting louder and louder as it approached Accident and Emergency. The woman was in her sixties, but looked at least fifteen years younger, complete with a sassy walk of someone half her age.

‘Keep the change, darling,’ she said to the taxi driver in a fake posh accent, smoothing down her bobbed hair.

From the bench Cara was sitting on, she could tell the cabbie was delighted as he placed the shiny silver case and black weekend bag onto the pavement with a cheeky wink.

‘Thanks, luv,’ he said.

The woman pulled out a mirror and lipstick from a tiny silvery handbag and applied a fresh coat. She then looked down at her flat black shoes and grimaced; perhaps missing the feel of a good pair of stilettos against her feet, the way they automatically shaped calves into something sexy and alluring. Possibly the one thing Cara would ever agree on with her.

The woman wiggled slowly towards the reception, her case making a loud, annoying squeak as its wheels rolled along the ground. Cara was tempted to stay put outside, a break from the bleak hospital room, but the sky was darkening as the cracks of thunder grew louder and she knew she’d have to go in and face her mother.

‘Hello, Kitty,’ said Cara, acknowledging how ridiculous it sounded, but determined never to call her mother anything but Kitty.

‘Cara?’ She turned away from the lift and faced her, palm flying across her chest dramatically. In times like this, her mother really reminded her of Millie.

‘Darling, I just got a flight in from Rio. How are you?’

Cara winced at the term ‘darling’.

‘Fine.’ She cleared her throat and made no attempt to embrace her mother.

‘It’s so good to see yer!’ Kitty said, suddenly switching into the not so posh accent Cara was more used to. Kitty opened her arms for an embrace but, as Cara wasn’t moving, the older woman enveloped her in a stiff hug.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ asked Kitty.

‘I said I’m fine. It’s Lena we have to worry about.’ She was definitely fine, even if her tummy was in the middle of some type of semi-spasm. ‘Where have you been?’ she asked curtly.

‘I was in Brazil.’

‘Lena’s been in here for over two weeks.’

‘I only got the message about twenty-four hours ago. Hortense had heard from Ade. Luckily, I was just about to leave the hotel and move on to…well, that doesn’t matter…I’m here now and I just want to see my daughter.’