Little Mix: Ready to Fly

THE BIG AUDITION

I was terrified about being told no in the very first round. If I fell at the first hurdle it would mean I was worse than I had been the previous couple of times I’d tried out.

Every other year I’d gone along trying to impress the judges and thought too much about what I was going to wear and sing, so I decided to totally be myself. I was wearing giraffe-patterned trousers and a little waistcoat and I probably looked a bit weird, but I didn’t care!

Thankfully all of the judges said they liked me. Louis remembered me from before, and Tulisa said I must have had a lot of determination to keep coming back again. I sang an acoustic version of The Beatles’ ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’, and Gary said he really liked it – and my voice and what I’d done with the track. I was so relieved. Kelly said she liked my voice but didn’t think I was confident enough and that I should be in a girl group. I automatically pulled a face, then I remember Kelly saying, ‘Hey, what’s wrong with being in a girl band?’ I thought she meant like a Kandy Rain-type band with sexy outfits – I would have hated doing that!

In the end I got four yes’s and I should have been happy, but I kept thinking about what Kelly had said and wondered if she was right.

I was so happy I’d got through to Bootcamp again, but because that’s where I’d been sent home before I felt wary and scared about going.

I always like to be a bit different and a bit eccentric with what I wear, and I knew I had to stand out, so I wore some army combat shorts, stripy socks, Mickey Mouse trainers and a Donald Duck top.

I didn’t want to sing something like Adele, because I knew everyone else would be doing that, so I chose a track called ‘Bust Your Windows’ by a lady called Jazmine Sullivan. I’ve got quite a soulful voice, so the song really suited me.

I was terrified doing that audition, because you have to go into a little booth with one person and sing to them. They’re so close up to you and it’s really embarrassing. You can hear all the other people auditioning around you too, which is so off-putting. I’d been told that they only give out a certain number of golden tickets – which guarantees your entry into the next round – so when three of the people ahead of me got golden tickets I calmed down a bit because I thought they’d probably given them all out anyway.

I walked in and told the guy in the booth my name and started singing. I could see him tapping his foot, then I beat boxed, and I think that’s why I got through – because it was different from what other girls had done. He handed me a golden ticket and I was in total shock. The guy told me to prepare some more songs for my main audition but to wear the same thing.

I had to be up at 6am to get to my main audition with the judges. My friends Shane and Solitaire and my mum were with me for support. I was third on stage out of everyone at the London dates, and I was terrified to the point where I was shaking and could hardly breathe. I couldn’t bear the thought of the audience booing me or something. That would have been awful.

In the end it was all such a blur. I didn’t see anyone in the audience, so it felt like it was just me and the judges in the room. After I sang I wanted to cry, because I knew it had gone wrong. Gary Barlow really didn’t get me at all, and I remember being gutted. To me he seemed to be the Simon Cowell of the panel – the one that everyone wants to impress. He said he didn’t like the audition and didn’t think I had any potential whatsoever, and at that point I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I was mortified that everyone would see that bit when it was on telly.

Tulisa and Louis both said I had a lot of potential, and Kelly said she could see me in a girl group. Even that left me feeling really disheartened though because I thought it meant I wasn’t good enough to do it on my own.

I came off with three yes’s, but because Gary hadn’t given me a thumbs up I still burst into tears. Dermot was hugging me backstage and asking if they were happy tears, but they weren’t. I was absolutely gutted that he’d said no.

When I got home I became adamant that I wasn’t going to go to Bootcamp because there was no point. My mum was desperately trying to convince me that I’d be okay, but I wasn’t interested. In the end she told me I had nothing to lose, and I realised she was right. It would have been a massive opportunity missed.

When the time finally came to face Gary, Tulisa, Kelly and Louis I’d just got back from a holiday in Ibiza. I’d been partying quite a lot, so my voice was suffering a bit. I was also really tired, and I felt cross with myself that I wasn’t up to scratch.

I was wearing shorts, a vest top, socks and braces, and I was standing on stage looking out at the audience thinking, ‘I’m never going to get through this.’ I felt like I was watching the whole thing on TV. It was so weird. The first song I sang was Rihanna’s ‘Only Girl in the World’, and then I sang the Gershwin song ‘Summertime’, which I’d heard sung by Ella Fitzgerald. I was so pleased that I got to sing two songs, because I think if I’d been judged on just one track I wouldn’t have made it. Thankfully the feedback was really good. Gary said a star had been born, Louis said I had a lot of potential, Tulisa said I reminded her of a little Rihanna, and Kelly said she could see me in a girl band. That was what Jerome had told me. I couldn’t believe I was hearing it again!

I got four yes’s and I was like, ‘Come on, this is going to happen for me!’ I knew if I got past that point I could go all the way.

I was so nervous that I nearly backed out, but my mum said, ‘I’ve never asked you to do anything for me, but I want you to try and do this.’ I really didn’t want to go, and I only agreed because I didn’t want to let her down – and I said I wasn’t going to tell anyone I was going.

I was wearing a little hippy dress and a headband and I felt like I must be sticking out like a sore thumb because everyone else was looking really cool, or wearing fancy-dress costumes to try and get noticed. I thought I looked too normal stood next to Superman!

In the end I got given a golden ticket after my first audition, which meant that I was through to the next round. That’s when I thought there could be something in it after all!

Eventually I made it all the way through the initial three auditions, and then I had to wait to find out if I was going to sing in front of the judges. I was so happy, but so, so terrified.

When I got a call from The X Factor inviting me to audition for the judges I wanted to jump up and down and scream. I was shopping at the time with a friend of mine and I told her I’d got a call about a job interview. I still didn’t want people to know I was auditioning, in case I didn’t make it.

It was the best feeling being able to go home and tell my mum that I’d got through. She was so excited for me, and I was very happy – she’d promised to buy me an iPhone if I did well. It was a big incentive for me, because my phone was absolutely rubbish.

My family and I travelled all the way to Glasgow once again for the main audition, and everyone in the waiting room was singing dead loudly while they waited for their turn and seemed really confident.

I felt like I didn’t deserve to be there. I was so timid and shy, and I was getting interviewed constantly. I was literally shaking, and I turned to my dad and said I didn’t think I could go through with it. He turned round and said, ‘Look, even I’d be nervous if I had to do those interviews. You’re not used to doing them, but you know you can sing, so being on stage will be the easy part. Get up there and show them what you can do.’ That totally stuck in my head.

Just as I was about to go out to perform I heard the X Factor theme music belting out and I thought I was going to be sick. Dermot was chatting to me and being really sweet, which made me feel calmer, but I was still feeling breathless.

When I was standing at the side of the stage waiting to go on, I saw the judges and it didn’t feel like it was real. One of the researchers told us that the judges had given out loads of no’s and wanted to see something special, so I walked out with a big smile on my face and waved to try and make an impression.

I sang ‘You Oughta Know’ by Alanis Morissette, and Tulisa stopped me pretty quickly. She and Louis didn’t really like me, but Kelly said I’d blown the roof off the place, and Gary also liked me a lot. Tulisa said she wasn’t blown away by me, and I was thinking that I was going to be sent home.

I sang Beyonce’s ‘Ave Maria’ a cappella, and just before I hit a high note Kelly Rowland threw her pen in the air, and it hit Tulisa on the head! Everyone started arguing about me again and Kelly was whacking the table. Even though Louis and Tulisa weren’t totally sure about me, I got four yes’s in the end, and I ran off screaming and crying.

My family and I went and stayed in a hotel and had a nice dinner and it was so good. It was the best way to celebrate and one of the happiest moments of my life.

Jesy getting ready for The Brits

BONKERS BOOTCAMP

The first night of Bootcamp was crazy. Everyone had a big party in one of the hotels, and funnily enough some of the only people who left and went to bed early were me, Jesy, Perrie and Leigh-Anne. We all knew that opportunities like that don’t come along often, and I didn’t want to blow it for the sake of a party.

The next day a huge chunk of the contestants got sent home, and when I looked at who it was, most of them were the ones who had been partying late. I think it was a bit of a test for everyone involved.

I was put in a few groups with a real mixture of people. I was hanging out a lot with Johnny Robinson, who is so lovely. I was moved from group to group and told no three times, and my head was all over the place. It was one of the best and worst experiences I’ve ever had.

X Factor tour outfits

Several of us were told that we were good but we weren’t strong or confident enough, and that’s when they decided to try and put together some girl groups. At first I didn’t like the idea at all, but as soon as I was put with Jesy and Leigh-Anne it felt right, because we were already sort of friends.

I was aware of Perrie as well, because she’s from the same area as me and we know a lot of the same people. I’d tried to track her down but I hadn’t been able to, then I ended up sitting next to her when they were divvying up the groups and we got on straight away. She was worried that her look was really different and she didn’t fit in with anyone. At one point she was crying and I really felt for her. I remember wishing that she could have joined up with us.

Jesy then got moved into Perrie’s group, and all of a sudden we were rivals. Leigh-Anne and I had never heard Perrie sing, and when we did… wow! We thought we had no chance compared to Perrie and Jesy’s group, but then neither of our groups got picked.

At that moment I just knew we were going to get put together. For some reason I had this gut feeling. It sounds cheesy but I do think it was fate.

I got knocked back three times before we got put in the band, so it was disheartening at times, but I kept picking myself back up again. I was so determined to show Gary that I did have potential.

At first I was put in a group with loads of boys for the initial task, and when we performed before the judges Gary was smiling when it came to my part. He later said that he had seen a lot of people at auditions that he didn’t think were good enough to go through, but he’d since changed his mind about them after seeing them at Bootcamp. I was like ‘Yeah!’ – I was well happy.

I was feeling hopeful after that, but then Louis called us back on stage and said none of us had star quality. My heart sank. The thought of going home and telling everyone I hadn’t got through was so horrible. I went off stage and I was sobbing. All the cameras were in my face but I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I went into the toilet and sat there and cried and cried. My sister Jade called me, and I had to tell her I’d been sent home. She offered to come and pick me up and I was so grateful – I just wanted to get out of there.

One of the researchers came in to see me and gave me a cuddle and asked me if I’d do an interview, but I didn’t want to be on camera crying. She said she’d come back in ten minutes, and I was planning to do a runner so I would get away without doing it. Then she came back in and said it was best for me if I stayed. I was in two minds, but she said it was for my own good, so I was intrigued.

Jesy and Leigh-Anne at the sound check for the tour

In the end I agreed and when I walked out I saw about 30 people standing around. We got told they were going to choose some people to put in a group, and I was praying they’d choose me. Originally the thought of being in a group would have horrified me, but now the idea of having to go through the whole audition process again the following year felt so much worse. I would have done anything to stay.

When my name got called out I was so happy. My poor sister was waiting outside for me. She was desperately trying to call me while I was waiting to hear my fate, but I didn’t answer my phone. She must have felt as confused as I did.

I was put in a group with Jade and Leigh-Anne, and we sat up until four in the morning rehearsing that night, even though we had to get up at six. Then I got taken out of that group and put with three other girls, including Perrie, and I was gutted because one of the girls was very open about the fact that she didn’t want to work with us. Jade, Leigh-Anne and I had worked so hard together and I thought we’d had a really good chance at making it through.

In the end both of our groups got rejected so I decided that was that. Then out of nowhere Jade, Leigh-Anne, Perrie and I got put together and I could not believe it. I kept thinking, ‘How many chances am I going to get?’ But as soon as we sang together it just worked.

I know Jade’s already said it, but it was like fate. Leigh-Anne and I shared a room at Bootcamp, then we met Jade and became really good friends with her, and then we met Perrie when I was put in the band with her. It was so strange how it worked out.

I would hate to be a solo singer again now. I don’t know how people like Amelia and Mischa get on stage and sing on their own. I would be so scared. The girls are like my safety net, and I don’t get nervous the way I used to, because I know we’ve all got each other’s backs.

When I got there I was surrounded by all these amazing singers and I started to doubt myself, because I didn’t see why I would get chosen out of all of those talented people. Then when I had to perform I don’t know what happened, but something came out of me and I started jumping around on stage and really going for it. Something clicked and I knew I had to get through it. It felt like my one shot to do it. Then we got put into groups and we had to perform together, and I enjoyed that so much more than I thought I would. For the first time I began to wonder if there could be something about being in a girl band after all.

I was so gutted when I got a no after the first Bootcamp challenge. I got my belongings together and was ready to leave, but then a group of us got asked to stay, and I knew that I was going to get asked to be in a girl group.

I was put with Jade and Jesy, and then they took Jesy out and put a girl called Shanty in our group. She was lovely and we worked really well together, so I was gutted she didn’t go through. But I shared a room with Jesy at Bootcamp and we’d got on so well and been a great support for each other. Also Jade and Jesy had been told before that they’d be good in a girl band, so we’d planned to stick together so the judges could see how well we worked together.

Jesy got put in a group with Perrie and we knew it was either our group or theirs that would go through, because we were too alike for them to choose both. I was stunned when we were both given no’s, but then they called Jesy, Perrie, Jade and me back on to the stage and said they wanted us to be a band. That’s when I realised one hundred per cent that I had to be in a group – especially with the other three girls. I loved having other people to support me.

After being so introverted as a child, it’s so weird to think that now I perform to thousands of people and I don’t get nervous. My confidence is growing all the time, and I credit the girls with a lot of that because they’ve boosted me whenever I’ve got down or doubted myself.