Koala Calamity

To Molly love from Johnny

Contents

Title Page

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Other Awesome Animal titles available:

Copyright

About the Publisher

Koalas are, by nature, extremely lazy. But best buddies Dude and Bro had taken this laziness to a whole new level. If sleeping had been an Olympic sport, Dude and Bro would have won hands down. Or paws down, anyway. If they could have been bothered. Which they probably couldn’t. But you get the picture. The fact that it was morning meant nothing to Dude and Bro. They didn’t know if it was the crack of dawn, or the crack of noon. And frankly, they didn’t care either.

“Pass me another eucy branch, Dude,” said Bro, stifling a yawn.

“What’s that, Bro?” said Dude, stifling an even bigger one.

“I said, pass me another eucy branch. I’m done with this one.”

“Are you kidding me?” said Dude. “Fetch it yourself.”

“Aw, Dude, c’mon,” said Bro.

“No way, Bro!” said Dude.

Bro sighed. It was by far the most energetic thing he’d done that day. “Final answer?”

“Final answer,” said Dude.

Bro was not happy. He was even less happy a moment later when the sun went behind a cloud, casting him in cool shadow. And it had been such a beautiful morning until then!

“G’day!” said a voice.

Bro just about managed to crank open one eye. It was the second most energetic thing he’d done that day. But at least he now knew that the sun hadn’t really gone behind a cloud. It was just his annoying little brother, Squirt, blocking it from view. And if Bro had anything to do with it, he wouldn’t be blocking it for much longer.

“Out the way, Squirt!” snarled Bro. “I’m colder than a penguin’s bum, here!”

“You could at least be a little bit grateful,” said Squirt.

“Oh, yeah?” said Bro. “And why’s that then?”

“Ta-da!” said Squirt, producing a particularly delicious-looking eucalyptus branch from behind his back, like a magician conjuring up a bunch of flowers.

In a shot, both of Bro’s eyes were wide open. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place, ya wallaby?”

“You’re welcome,” grinned Squirt, handing his big brother the branch.

“If that’s all you came here to do, you can clear off again,” said Bro.

“Aw, Bro,” said Dude, winking at Squirt. “The little feller’s only trying to be friendly.”

“Yeah, well, he can go and be friendly somewhere else,” said Bro. “I’m freezing here.”

“You know you could try shifting yourself, if you want to catch a few more rays?” said Dude.

Bro chuckled. “Very funny, Dude. Very funny.”

And with that, Bro began chowing down on the eucalyptus branch, gradually stripping it of its succulent green leaves. And boy, did those leaves taste good! There were over six hundred kinds of eucalyptus trees in Australia – and this one was a real beaut! One of Bro’s faves, in fact.

The more Bro chewed, the heavier his eyelids began to get. The heavier Bro’s eyelids got, the less he chewed. The next thing he knew – or rather, the next thing he didn’t know – Bro had fallen fast asleep.

“SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!” went the sulphur-crested cockatoo in the neighbouring tree.

“Aaaaaaaaagh!” screamed Bro, waking with a start and very nearly falling out of his tree.

Squirt laughed. It was the funniest thing he’d seen since the duck-billed platypus had got hiccups.

“Are you still here?” grumbled Bro. “I thought I told you to sling your hook!”

“I’m bored,” said Squirt.

Bro thought for a moment. “Bored, eh?”

Squirt nodded.

“See that jumped-up budgie over there?”

Squirt looked where Bro was looking. “The sulphur-crested cockatoo, you mean?”

“Yeah,” said Bro. “Bet you can’t sneak up and nab one of its tail feathers before I count to a hundred.”

“A hundred?” said Squirt.

Bro nodded.

“Bet you I can.”

“Three… two… one… go!” said Bro.

Squirt was gone in a flash, finally leaving Dude and Bro in peace once again, wedged between branches high above The Acacia Koala Sanctuary.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Bro.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude. “Genius, mate. Pure genius.”

For a while, the only sound to be heard was the sound of Bro chomping contentedly on his eucalyptus branch as the sun rose higher and higher in the cloudless sky.

Suddenly Dude furrowed his brow. Or at least, he furrowed his brow as best a koala could. “Er, Bro?” he said. “Aren’t you s’posed to be counting up to a hundred?”

But there was no reply. Bro had fallen fast asleep.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude, who was feeling in need of a kip himself. All that chilling had worn him out.

“SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!” went the sulphur-crested cockatoo in the neighbouring tree.

“Aaaaaaaaaaagh!” screamed Dude and Bro, together.

A few seconds later, Squirt appeared – breathless from climbing back up the trunk in double-quick time, but triumphant nevertheless.

“I did it! I did it!” he cried, clutching a brilliant white feather in one of his paws.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude. “You did, didn’t you? Good on yer, Squirt!”

Bro shook his head in disbelief, but couldn’t help chuckling too.

What with all the squawking and all the chuckling, no one noticed Mrs M suddenly appear in the treetop.

“What’s going on?” she said.

“Nothing, Ma,” said Bro.

“Hello, Dude,” said Mrs M.

“G’day, Mrs M,” said Dude. “Still no sign of the joey then?”

“Any day now,” smiled Mrs M, patting her pouch. “Any day now.”

“I reckon it’s going to be a girl,” said Dude.

“Do you, now?” said Mrs M.

“I reckon it’s gonna be annoying,” said Bro. “Even more annoying than Squirt.”

“Hello, Squirty-Wirty,” said Mrs M. “Didn’t see you there!”

“Maaaaaa!” said Squirt through gritted teeth. “I’ve told you not to call me that!”

“Aw, have you?” squeaked Mrs M. “Come to Mumsy-Wumsy for a cuddly-wuddly!”

“No!” said Squirt. “Don’t want to!”

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Bro.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude.

Squirt was embarrassed. His mum calling him Squirty-Wirty was bad enough – but doing it in front of Dude and Bro was even worse! It was a good job koalas couldn’t blush.

It’s not fair, thought Squirt. He’d brought his brother a eucalyptus branch. He’d nabbed a feather from the sulphur-crested cockatoo. And still they were making fun of him! When were they going to stop treating him like a baby?

“Come on, boys,” said Mrs M. “Time to go.”

Dude and Bro immediately stopped chuckling.

“Go?” said Bro. “Go where?”

“The big zoo!” said Mrs M. “Remember?”

Bro looked at Dude, then at Mrs M. He clearly hadn’t remembered. Neither had Squirt.

“We’re all going to the big zoo on the other side of the city!” said Mrs M.

“All of us?” said Squirt.

“Just us koalas,” said Mrs M.

“How long for?” said Squirt.

“A month,” said Mrs M. “Think of it as a holiday!”

Squirt thought for a moment. A holiday? That sounded like fun! A lot of the folk that came to the sanctuary came because they were on holiday. But he’d never had one before. He’d never been anywhere else before. He’d lived his whole life here. There was a big world out there waiting to be discovered – and Squirt couldn’t wait to discover it.

“Cool!” said Squirt.

“Not cool,” said Bro.

“What?” said Squirt.

“Not cool at all,” said Bro. “Most uncool. Isn’t that right, Dude?”

“What’s that, Bro?” said Dude.

“Why can’t we just stay here?” said Bro, stifling a massive yawn. “We’ve got trees to chill in… All the eucy branches we can eat… There’s no need to go anywhere else!”

“Well, we’re going, whether you like it or not,” said Mrs M. “Now hurry up or we’ll miss the truck.”

“Whoa! A truck?” said Squirt excitedly. “Cool!”

Bro shot Squirt a glance. “Not cool.”

Squirt thought for a moment. “Erm. Guess you’re right. It’s not that cool.”

“Come on,” said Mrs M.

“In a minute, Ma,” said Bro. “There’s something me and Dude need to do first.”

Dude did his best to furrow his brow again. “There is?”

“We need to see a man about a dingo,” said Bro.

“We do?” said Dude.

Bro glared at Dude and nodded furiously. “Yeah, we do!”

“Ohhhhh. Yeah, we do,” said Dude. “We definitely do need to see a man about a dingo.”

“Well, don’t be long,” said Mrs M. “The truck’s leaving soon. You don’t want to miss it.”

“Wanna bet?” muttered Bro.

“Come on, Squirty-Wirty!” said Mrs M, beginning to climb back down the tree.

Squirt didn’t even notice his mum calling him Squirty-Wirty. He was busy thinking. Going on holiday to the big zoo sounded cool. But seeing a man about a dingo with his big brother and his big brother’s friend sounded pretty cool too.

“I’ll just be a minute, Ma!” called Squirt as Mrs M disappeared from view.

Bro stared at Squirt. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m coming with you!” grinned Squirt.

“Where to?” said Bro.

“To see a man about a dingo!”

Dude and Bro turned to each other.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Bro.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude.

“Why are you laughing?” said Squirt.

“We’re not really going to see a man about a dingo, ya dingo!” said Bro.

“You’re not?” said Squirt, sounding disappointed.

“It’s just an expression!”

“But…” began Squirt.

“But nothing,” said Bro. “We’re just going to grab a quick forty winks before the truck goes. Isn’t that right, mate?”

“Totally, mate,” said Dude, stifling a yawn.

Yawns are very catching and before he knew it, Squirt was yawning too. He didn’t want to feel sleepy. There was far too much happening. There was much too much excitement in the air! But, well – it wouldn’t hurt if he closed his eyes for just a few minutes, would it? No, thought Squirt. It wouldn’t. And that’s exactly what he did.

Bro stretched his arms. After eating eucalyptus leaves, catching rays and sleeping, stretching was one of Bro’s favourite things in the whole wide world. Well – in The Acacia Koala Sanctuary anyway.

“Aw, yeah, that’s truly magnificent, mate,” said Bro. “You know something? I could stretch for miles if I didn’t have to come back afterwards.”

There was still no reply from Dude. Dude was still fast asleep.

Bro cranked open an eye. The sun was high in the sky. Much higher than it had been the last time he’d looked. Maybe they’d dropped off for a bit longer than a minute.

“Wake up! Wake up!” squeaked Squirt, suddenly appearing in the treetop.

“Whoa, calm down, ya wallaby,” said Bro. “I’m already awake!”

“Dude’s not!” said Squirt, jumping up and down on Dude’s tummy and tugging his ears. “Wake up, Dude! Wake up!”

“Uh? What?” said Dude, finally beginning to stir.

“You were sleeping!” said Squirt.

“I was?” said Dude, stifling a yawn. “Oh, right, I was. I was having this really weird dream too.”

“Oh, yeah?” said Bro.

“Yeah,” said Dude. “Dreamt I was a trampoline.”

Bro was puzzled. “You mean, you were on a trampoline?”

“No,” said Dude. “I dreamt I was a trampoline.”

“That was me jumping up and down on your tummy!” said Squirt.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Bro.

Dude looked at Squirt. “What d’ya do that for?”

“To wake you up!” said Squirt. “We all fell asleep!”

Dude and Bro turned to each other and shrugged.

“What’s the problem?” said Bro.

“We weren’t supposed to!” said Squirt.

“We weren’t?” said Dude.

“They’ve all gone!” said Squirt, beginning to get more and more agitated.

Dude was beginning to get more and more puzzled. “Who’s gone?”

“Ma! Pa! Everyone!”

“Ohhhh!” said Bro. “You mean…”

Squirt nodded vigorously. “All the other koalas! We missed the truck to the big zoo! It’s nearly lunchtime!”

“Nearly lunchtime?” said Dude, suddenly perking up. “Excellent!”

“It’s not excellent!” said Squirt. “It’s… it’s… it’s… whatever the opposite of excellent is!”

“Unexcellent?” suggested Dude.

“Yes! Exactly. So what are we gonna do?” said Squirt, looking at his big brother.

Bro thought for a moment. But only a moment. “Chillax, Squirt. Let’s all just catch a few rays. Everything will be cool.”

“Chillax?” said Squirt, getting more and more agitated. “How am I supposed to chillax? We’ve missed the truck! We were supposed to be going to the big zoo! We’ve been left behind!”

“I totally hear what you’re saying, mini-dude,” said Dude, helping himself to a eucalyptus branch. “But d’ya reckon this can wait till after lunch?”

“No, it can not wait till after lunch!” squeaked Squirt. “We’ve got to do something! Now!”

“Do something?” said Bro, utterly horrified.

“Whoa,” said Dude.

“Are you serious?” said Bro.

“Of course I’m serious!” said Squirt. “Ma and Pa are going to be worried sick! And Ma’s having a baby, remember?”

“Aw, yeah,” said Dude. “The little feller’s right. Your ma’s having a joey any time now, Bro.”

“I know that!” snapped Bro.

“I know you know that, Bro,” said Dude. “I was just saying…”

“Well, don’t, Dude,” said Bro.

“Stop arguing, you two!” said Squirt, acting more like a big brother than a little one.

“Yeah, Dude,” said Bro. “Stop arguing.”

“No, you stop arguing, Bro,” said Dude.

“No, you stop arguing, Dude,” said Bro.

“BOTH OF YOU STOP ARGUING!” yelled Squirt.

“Cool,” said Dude and Bro, together.

Squirt sighed and gave himself a scratch. Scratching was good. Not only did it feel nice, but it also helped Squirt to think. And boy, did Squirt need to think!

By now the sun had risen even higher in the cloudless blue sky. Below, visitors were beginning to tuck into picnics, seemingly unconcerned by the lack of koalas. Luckily, there was much more to The Acacia Koala Sanctuary than just koalas. There were kangaroos and wallabies, platypus and wombats, dingoes, snakes, crocodiles, Tasmanian devils – and not forgetting some extremely noisy birds!

“SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!” went the sulphur-crested cockatoo.

“Put a sock in it, beaky!” cried Bro.

“Yeah, some of us are trying to sleep here,” said Dude.

Squirt glared at Dude.

“Not me, obviously,” said Dude quickly.

“SQUAWK!” went the sulphur-crested cockatoo again, clearly getting very excited about something it had seen.

Squirt looked down and straightaway saw what it was. The buggy was on its way. The buggy full of food.

“It’s the keeper!” said Squirt excitedly.

“So?” said Bro.

“We should turn ourselves in!” said Squirt.

“What?” said Bro.

“We have to go down there,” said Squirt, disappearing. “Let him see we’re still here.”

“The little feller’s right, Bro,” said Dude, getting up and following. “Think about your ma and pa. Think about the joey.”

Bro sighed. “All right, all right. I’m coming.”

By the time they all reached the ground, the buggy had stopped in order for the keeper to feed the Tasmanian devil. And it looked like the keeper had a helper.

“Can I drive the buggy, Dad?” said a young girl. “Can I, can I, can I?”

“Not now,” said the keeper. “We’ve got work to do.”

“Pleeeeeeeeease?” pleaded the girl. “You said it’s so easy a koala could do it!”

“Did I really say that?” laughed the keeper.

“Yes!” said the girl. “Press green to go and red to stop, right?”

“That’s right. But not now!” said the keeper, grabbing a bucket from the back of the buggy and heading towards an enclosure. “Now, are you going to help me feed these tazzies, or not?”

“OK, OK,” said the girl, trudging slowly after her dad.

“Let’s go!” said Squirt, scurrying towards the buggy.

Dude and Bro looked at each other for a second before scurrying after him. By the time the keeper and his daughter returned, all three were seated in the back.

“Well, well, well,” said the keeper. “What have we got here?”

“Koala bears?” said the girl, sounding surprised.

“We’re not bears!” hissed Bro under his breath.

“Shhhh!” said Squirt.

“But I thought they’d all gone, Dad?” said the girl.

“So did I,” said the keeper. “Lazy little critters must’ve slept through their transfer!”

“Aw, they’re so cute!” said the girl. “Looks like they’re trying to hitch a lift!”

“Well, they can’t get a lift in this thing!” said the keeper.

The girl looked disappointed. “Aw, Dad. Why not? It’ll be fun!”

“You can’t drive a little buggy like this across town!” said the keeper, clapping his hands. “Be far too dangerous! Come on, fellers! Out you get now!”

Dude, Bro and Squirt climbed reluctantly out of the buggy again.

“Bye bye, bears!” called the girl as she and her father climbed back into the buggy and drove off.

“We’re not bears!” hissed Bro, glaring after them. “We’re koalas!”

“You tell ’em, mate,” said Dude.

“How would they like it if we called them human bears?” said Bro.

“Heh-heh-heh,” chuckled Dude. “Human bears. That’s funny, Bro.”

Squirt glared at Dude until he stopped chuckling.

“Sorry, mini-dude,” said Dude, sheepishly.

But Squirt said nothing. He was too busy thinking. If they weren’t going to get a lift to the big zoo in the buggy, how were they going to get there?

But Squirt wasn’t bothered about any of that. All Squirt was bothered about was where the big zoo was. And how they were going to get there. He knew that it was somewhere on the other side of the city. But how far? And which way?

Squirt gave himself an extra good scratch and suddenly had an idea. If he climbed even higher he might get a better view.

Squirt began scrambling up the tree. As he climbed higher and higher, the branches gradually got thinner and thinner and bendier and bendier. He’d never been this high before. But still Squirt kept on climbing and climbing – only stopping when he got to the very top of the tree. Then, clinging more tightly to a branch than he’d ever clung before, he peered into the distance.

The city was truly enormous! Squirt knew it was big – but he didn’t know it was quite that big! Buildings rocketed into the air as far as the eye could see. Beyond the buildings Squirt could see green hills. And, in a gap between the hills, Squirt could just make out a splash of blue. The ocean! It had to be the ocean! Squirt had never seen the ocean before, but his mum and dad had told him about it. They’d never seen the ocean before either. But their mas and pas had. Because Squirt’s ma and pa’s mas and pas had once lived in the forests. The forests beyond the city. Somewhere out there, in the big, wide world.

Squirt sighed. It had been a good idea to climb to the top of the tree. The view really was amazing. The one thing he couldn’t see though, was the big zoo.

A breeze suddenly ruffled the fur on Squirt’s ears. The branch began to sway very slightly. But that was enough for Squirt, who immediately started climbing back down through the branches just as fast as he could. If there was one place he didn’t want to be when it got windy, it was the very top of a tree!

“Come on, you guys!” said Squirt as he passed Dude and Bro on his way down.

“Uh, what?” said Bro, cranking open an eye. “What’s happening?”

“What’s happening?” said Squirt, scarcely able to believe his ears. “We’re going to the big zoo, remember?”

“We are?” said Bro, stifling a yawn.

“Aw, no,” said Dude, stifling an even bigger yawn. “We must’ve dropped off again, Bro.”

“Guess so, Dude,” said Bro. “Pass me a eucy branch, will ya? I’ve fair worked up an appetite having that kip.”

“No time for that, Bro,” said Dude. “Look, the little feller’s gone and gone.”

“Uh?” said Bro. “What do you mean, he’s gone and gone, Dude?”

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