Yesterday's Echoes

He had not said that to his cousin, though. No, it was a very different story he had told Jake Lucas. According to him, she had been willing, and more than willing, to accompany him upstairs—she had been the one to suggest it, in fact, and Rosie, too shocked and distressed to defend herself, too humiliated physically and emotionally, had done nothing to defend herself.

Thank God that Ritchie Lucas and his family had emigrated to Australia so quickly afterwards.

And thank God also that Ritchie had apparently got so drunk that evening that it had appeared that he had no recollection of what had taken place and so had been unable to boast to anyone else about it.

No, only two people had remembered what had happened—herself and Jake Lucas—and Jake Lucas did not know the real truth.

He had assumed that she was a member of the rather wild crowd that Ritchie went around with, that she was one of those girls who was foolishly experimenting with sex and drink in the mistaken belief that she was showing everyone how grown-up she was and, beneath his anger at his cousin for taking advantage of his parents’ absence to throw an unauthorised party, and his obvious disgust that Ritchie had brought her upstairs to his parents’ room, Rosie had been sharply conscious of the contempt he had for her.

And yet his judgement of her couldn’t have been further off the mark. She had never even kissed a boy properly before that night, never mind done anything else, and, if it hadn’t been that for the previous few months a small group of girls in her class at school had been making her life a misery by taunting her about her ‘primness’ and her ‘goody-goodyness’ to the extent that she was slowly becoming alienated from all the other girls and treated as someone who was ‘different’…an outcast, she doubted that she would ever have allowed herself to be persuaded to even go to the party in the first place.

To discover later that she had been the subject of a cruel trick deliberately planned to hurt and humiliate her had been hard to bear, but not as hard as Jake Lucas’s contempt, and certainly not as hard as discovering that she was pregnant.

At least no one but her knew about that. She bit her lip as she bent to unlock her car door, hot tears stinging her eyes.

There had been no one to grieve with her over the loss of that baby, no one to share her complex and conflicting emotions, no one to tell that, while logically she knew that perhaps it was all for the best, a part of her ached with loss and pain for that unborn child.

No, that was something that no one else knew, and sometimes she wished they did…sometimes she ached inside to be able to talk about what she had experienced: her pain, her sense of loss…her sense of guilt.

Despite the fact that it was over fifteen years ago since it had happened, sometimes she felt as close to it as though it were less than fifteen weeks, as though the wound, the agony, was still so raw that she needed to be able to talk it through with someone…that she needed to be able to publicly and openly mourn the death of her child.

But someone like Jake Lucas would never be able to understand those kind of emotions. She could just imagine his reaction. No doubt he would have told her that she was lucky things had worked out as they had, that such luck was far in excess of what she actually deserved. He would have no pity, no compassion…no understanding…He would reject her pain and her need to express it in just the same contemptuous way as he had rejected her, turning away from her to talk to his cousin, ignoring her as though she simply did not exist.

But he had come to see her afterwards.

Yes, she told herself savagely, to make sure she wasn’t going to make any trouble for his precious cousin.

Angrily she put the car in gear and reversed out of her parking spot.

CHAPTER THREE

‘ANY luck with Ian Davies?’

Rosie looked wryly at her brother-in-law.

‘Well, I haven’t heard anything from him yet, but he didn’t give me the impression that he was interested. He’s one of those men who isn’t really comfortable with women holding positions of authority in business. If Dad had still been running things, it might have been different.’ She gave a small shrug. ‘Still, it’s his loss as much as ours. I suspect his existing brokers are using his business to get better terms for their other clients instead of reducing his premiums.’

‘Did you tell him that?’ Chrissie demanded.

Rosie shook her head.

‘I only suspect that that’s what they’re doing,’ she told her.

‘Well, I think it’s all wrong that men should still try to keep women down,’ Allison announced passionately with indignation. At fourteen she was just beginning to lay claim to her independence, and was staunchly pro women’s rights.

‘I wonder how Gran and Grandad are getting on. They’ll be in Japan now, won’t they?’ Paul chimed in.

‘Yes, they should have arrived there by now,’ Rosie agreed.

‘I never thought they’d actually do it,’ Chrissie marvelled. ‘Spending a whole year travelling round the world.’

‘It’s something they’ve been planning for and dreaming about for years,’ Rosie reminded her.

Chrissie had rung her earlier in the day to check that she was going round as usual to have supper with them, a regular Friday night ritual which Rosie always enjoyed.

‘Did you collect your hat from the Hopkinses?’ Chrissie asked her now.

‘No, not yet,’ Rosie told her.

‘There’s a car boot sale on tomorrow morning. Fancy coming?’

Rosie shook her head.

‘I can’t. I’ve promised to go over and see Mary Fuller to help her fill out some claim forms. Her garage was broken into on Wednesday and some things stolen.’

She stood up to leave and was surprised when Chrissie reached out to detain her.

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