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‘It is hard to be angry with someone who declares her last wish is for one to be happy.’
Emma nodded. ‘She left me with all my usual arguments thwarted. What could I do but apologise back, for being so undutiful and unappreciative a daughter?’
‘You didn’t, I hope, feel so terrible that you were tempted to recall Mr Null.’
Trust Lord Theo to come up with something that would make her smile. ‘Nothing could make me feel that terrible,’ she assured him. ‘Mama even admitted that, save for the children it gave her and much as she’d been urging me to it, she herself had not found marriage very…fulfilling. That it didn’t fire her with the enthusiasm she sees in me when I talk about my work for the Ladies’ Committee.’
‘A handsome concession!’
‘Oh, there’s more.’
‘More?’ Lord Theo clapped a hand to his chest theatrically. ‘I’m not sure my heart can withstand the shock.’
Emma laughed ruefully. ‘I wasn’t sure mine could, either. I would never have believed such words could issue from the mouth of my beautiful, fashionable, oh-so-conventional mother. But she said she thinks me brave to want to stand on my own, without the status and protection of a husband, whereas she has never been strong enough to manage without her circle of admirers. That she is proud that I want to step outside the normal female role and do something to better the world.’
‘She approves of you eschewing marriage?’ Lord Theo shook his head sceptically. ‘You truly think she believes that? Or is she the clever one, playing devil’s advocate to lure you into being more compliant?’
‘Since Mama so seldom speaks of what is in her heart, there’s no way I can be certain,’ Emma allowed. ‘She seemed sincere enough, but she did ask if I’d agree to a bargain.’
‘Ah, now the trap is baited!’
‘How cynical you are!’ she exclaimed.
‘Perhaps,’ he said, his voice turning serious. ‘But I find that cynicism has protected me far better than innocence or gullibility would.’
‘I hope I am never so jaded!’ she said loftily—before ruining the effect by admitting, ‘However, Mama being Mama, I am a trifle suspicious as well.’
‘So, what did this bargain entail?’
‘She said if I would agree to finish out the Season, she would support my efforts to look about for a house of my own—as long as I go about the business discreetly. She also promised she would not try to manoeuvre any other gentleman into making me an offer. If, by the Season’s end, I haven’t found a suitor I truly want to marry, she will release me to live the life I want, and wish me happy with all her heart. Now, can you find a “trap” in that?’
Lord Theo gazed into the distance, his expression considering. ‘Very well,’ he said after a moment. ‘I don’t immediately see one. Do you intend to accept her bargain?’
‘Despite my own suspicions that she may simply want more time to devise some new scheme to dissuade me from abandoning society, I’m inclined to. There isn’t much chance of my winning my independence before the end of the Season anyway. And if Mama does allow, rather than hinder, my search for a house, I will be that much further along when the Season does end. Perhaps I’ll even be ready to move out and begin my new life!’
‘So why the distress? I would think you’d be shouting for joy.’
‘I know,’ she said on a sigh. ‘I suppose it’s like the adage says: when the gods wish to punish you, they grant your request. I’ve expended so much effort pushing and pushing to be allowed to fashion the life I’ve long dreamed of, having those barriers suddenly removed makes me feel like I am…falling headlong into the unknown. It’s thrilling, but also…’
‘Frightening?’ he supplied.
‘Yes! Much as I hate to admit being such a poor honey. What if—’ she continued in a low voice, not sure she wanted to express the alarming possibility even to herself ‘—what if Mama and all the others are right, and a life on my own is…lonely and unfulfilling?’
‘I don’t think you’ll need to worry about being alone.’
Emma looked up to find Lord Theo’s intense gaze fixed on her, a strange little smile on his lips. Her anxiety and confusion faded as a wave of sensual awareness washed through her.
Was it truly desire she saw in his eyes, or did she just want him so much, she only imagined it? Could a handsome man like Lord Theo truly want her?
And if he did… His romantic entanglements had all been brief, no matter how lovely the lady. Such a man would make a poor husband for a woman who valued fidelity and involvement in some higher purpose, if he could in fact be induced to marry her.
But if she were living in her own establishment, on her own terms, no longer subject to the rules and restrictions society imposed on a gently bred maiden… Could she dare explore passion for its own sake…outside the bonds of marriage?
Every nerve humming in response to his molten gaze promised the pleasure he could give would be incomparable.
A rider suddenly emerged from the mist, making her mount shy. Feeling her cheeks heat, she bent to control her horse, turning away from Lord Theo’s perceptive gaze.
Forcing her thoughts from the carnal, she said bracingly, ‘I expect my life will be as fulfilling and happy as I make it. If I do accept Mama’s bargain, as I am inclined to, I intend to begin immediately to investigate how one leases a house—a subject about which I know nothing. And to consider seriously what good works will occupy my time.’
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