Finding Dr. Right

An excited Matty had called a few hours ago, telling her that he and Brian were going to a hockey game. Before she could protest, Brian got on the phone and explained that the tickets were a gift and not to worry, Matty could spend the night.

Dead silence floated back from the phone before Catherine had a chance to question or argue.

So here she sat, alone and lonely, brooding over a glass of warm white wine. Wishing she had never laid eyes on Nathan Conners but unable to banish his image from her mind.

She sighed again then tossed back the last of the wine in her glass, wincing at the warm bitterness. It was just past eight o’clock and already she felt lost. She didn’t want to consider why, didn’t want to face the truth that any normalcy in her life had stopped with Matty’s illness. Now that he was on the quick road to recovery, doing normal things for kids his age, it was time for her to do the same. And she was afraid.

Catherine muttered a curse then pushed herself from the sofa and walked to the kitchen, blinking at the bright overhead light. She took several steps then stopped, looking around as if seeing the room for the first time.

Clean white surfaces, gleaming steel appliances, shiny green-and-white tile floor. A small pine table surrounded by four ladderback chairs sat in front of a bay window framed in cheery yellow gingham curtains, two place mats arranged at either end with green napkins neatly rolled and waiting in the center of each. The cheeriness of the room escaped her, and the only thing she noticed was its cleanliness. Neat, clean and orderly.

Efficient. And boring.

“I’m losing it.” Her voice echoed back to her, making her feel worse. She placed the empty glass on the counter then opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pint container of orange juice and drank from it. Matty would have been surprised, considering how often she admonished him for the same thing.

She rinsed the empty carton and tossed it into the recycling bin. More efficiency.

It was a Saturday night and she was home alone. Her nine-year-old son was out having a good time while she stood in her kitchen. Alone. Thinking about how efficient everything was.

Definitely boring.

She glanced at her watch again and saw that only a few minutes had gone by. There was no reason she should be home by herself. Never mind the fact that she had nothing to do and nobody to do it with. Matty and Brian were at the hockey game. She could meet up with them, apologize for being so touchy the last few days and see if they wanted to go do something. Maybe go to the Inner Harbor, walk around and get some ice cream.

The keys were in her hand and she was out the door before she realized they might not want her company. She shoved the thought to the back of her mind, leaving it behind as she pulled the minivan out of the driveway.

The soles of Catherine’s tennis shoes squeaked on the polished tile floor, the sound echoing strangely in the hollow silence. She stopped and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, sighing. Except for a few stray voices that floated up to her from the lower seats, the arena was deserted.

She looked around, swallowing an insane desire to cry. How could she have missed the entire game? She exhaled a long breath and began the dizzying descent to the arena floor, her gaze lowered to concentrate on the unusually spaced concrete steps.

If not for the delays with the light rail, she would have had time to at least find Matty and Brian and see part of the third period. Instead, she arrived at the arena and learned that the game had ended twenty minutes earlier, with the Banners winning 3 to 2. The victory did little to boost her spirits as she tried to convince the security guard to let her in so she could see if Matty and Brian were still there.

The fact that she had to finally say they were guests of Nathan Conners was a fresh wound to her pride. She waited while the guard made a phone call, then grimaced at his slick smile and flash of innuendo. It made her feel like a groupie. She briefly wondered how many players were accustomed to groupies, how many times security had called down to Nathan Conners.

Catherine refused to look too deeply into where that thought was leading, telling herself instead that it was just one more reason to keep Matty away from the hockey player.

She reached the bottom of the steps, rubbing her hands against the chill running down her arms as she looked around, hoping to see a familiar face near the players’ box. Row after row of empty chairs stared back at her.

“Catherine?” The voice came from behind, startling her even as the flesh on her arms prickled with heat. She turned and swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat as Nathan descended the last few steps. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Her mouth worked silently as she stared up at him. His dark hair was slicked back, still damp from the shower he had obviously just taken, the ends hanging below the collar of his polo shirt. The faint scent of fresh soap mingled with his aftershave and teased her nose as her mind tried to connect the circuits in charge of her conversational skills.

“Neither did I.” The words tumbled from her mouth, causing Nathan to smile wider as she mentally winced. “I mean, I didn’t plan on being here. I, uh, I thought Matty might be here.”

“No, I haven’t seen him.” Nathan stepped closer to her and she scooted backward. A flash of amusement lit his eyes and he motioned for her to sit. Catherine lowered herself into an aisle seat as he sat across from her. Her gaze ran down his long legs in a quick sweep, coming to rest at the spot where his bare ankles showed between the frayed hem of his faded jeans and the top of his Birkenstocks. “Should I have?”

“Pardon?” Catherine yanked her gaze away from his bare ankles and met his stare, embarrassment heating her face.

“I said, is there a reason I should have seen him?”

“Uh, I thought, that is, Brian took him to the sports clinic today and they called to say they had tickets for tonight. I just thought…” Catherine let her voice trail off, feeling the first twinge of worry scratch along her spine like nails on a blackboard. There was no reason to worry, she told herself. Matty was with Brian. They were fine.

“They probably got the tickets from the clinic. I wouldn’t worry too much. I wish I had known they were here, though.”

“You didn’t see them at the camp?” Catherine’s pulse pounded louder in her ear as anxiety crept in. They had to have been at the camp—Matty had called saying how much fun he’d had.

“No. I’m not usually there.”

“But I thought—” Catherine jerked in surprise at the vibration that thrummed near her hip then let out a loud sigh. Cursing the pager that kept startling her, she unclipped it from the waistband of her pants and squinted at the number flashing across the LED screen. A sigh of relief escaped her when she recognized Brian’s home number.

“Good news, I take it.”

Catherine flashed a wry smile at Nathan, suddenly feeling foolish. She reached into her purse and rummaged for the cell phone. “It’s Brian. Probably wondering where I am.”

“I see.” A flicker of something lit his eyes for a moment then disappeared. He stood and motioned behind him with a quick point of his thumb and grinned, drawing her attention to a small group of fans who were hanging back from them. “I’ll let you have some privacy for that call.”

Catherine stared after his broad back as he walked away, feeling like she had just missed something. She watched as two young girls sauntered toward Nathan, smiling and flirting with serious intent in their eyes. A knot of impatience swelled in Catherine’s stomach as she realized that the “girls” were in their early twenties. The laughing group suddenly made her feel old. She couldn’t remember ever being—or acting—that young.

“Knock it off,” she whispered, stabbing at the buttons of the cell phone. Brian’s voice greeted her on the third ring.

“I’m at the arena. I thought I’d meet you guys here but I guess not, huh?” Catherine said when he asked where she was.

“Sorry. We would have waited if we had known. But Matty’s fine. He’s sleeping now.” There was a long pause as Catherine tried to think of something to say to ease the tension that had hovered between them the last few days.

“Listen, Brian, about the other day. I acted like a jerk.”

“You sure did.”

Catherine felt her lips turn up in a small smile at the sound of humor in his voice. “Don’t rub it in.”

“Not now, anyway. I’ll save it for later. So tell me why you’re still there. Are you with Nathan?”

She glanced sideways at the smiling crowd, feeling like an interloper as they laughed at something Nathan said. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and looked away. “Hardly. In fact, I’m getting ready to go home now.”

Catherine began the climb up the steps, careful to keep her distance from the crowd while keeping one eye on her footing as she made plans to have Matty dropped off tomorrow. She was dropping the phone back in her purse when she heard her name being called. The urge to stop and turn was overwhelming, but the memory of the young girls kept her feet moving. She didn’t need to make herself feel any older by seeing them up close.

The light rail was her headache for the evening. Now, in addition to humiliating herself with her hasty retreat from Nathan, she had missed the train back home. The wait for the next one wouldn’t have been so bad, except for one thing.

Nathan Conners had beat the train to the stop and was staring up at her from the driver’s seat of a flashy BMW convertible, its top down in spite of the chilly February air. His high-wattage smile was turned on her full-force as he tried to convince her to let him drive her home. Catherine glanced at her watch, then down the tracks, hoping the train would be early.

“No, thank you,” she repeated through clenched teeth.

“C’mon, Doc. One ride. It’s the least I can do.”

Murmurs of encouragement grew from the crowd waiting at the stop with her. She gritted her teeth together, wondering what she should do. With a sigh, Catherine hitched the straps of her purse higher on her shoulder and grabbed for the door handle of the car, nearly yanking it off in frustration. Nathan was all smiles as he jammed the car in gear and sped away. Catherine braced her hand against the dash and reached for the seat belt, feeling only slightly safer when she had it securely fastened.

“So is it always playtime for you?” Catherine raised her voice to be heard above the cold wind racing past them as Nathan maneuvered the small car along the dark city streets. He flashed her his crooked smile and shrugged.

“You looked like you could use a laugh.”

“At my own expense, right?” Catherine winced at the sharpness of her words, wondering why she always seemed to be so bitter around him. Brian was right. Nathan really did seem like a nice guy. So why did she always act this way around him?

“What?” Nathan turned to look at her, surprised at the brightness of her eyes and the flush he could see in the passing street-lights. His foot hit the brake and he pulled the car to a stop on a deserted side street as Catherine braced herself with an outstretched hand. He threw the car into First gear and cut the engine, then turned in his seat and stared at her. “I wasn’t making fun of you, Catherine, I was trying to make you smile. I didn’t realize you took everything so personally. I’m sorry.”

He watched as a muscle worked in her jaw, noticed the way her chin came up a fraction of an inch and the way her lips pursed together, though in anger, hurt or stubbornness he couldn’t tell. Probably all three. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m not very good company right now. Maybe you should just take me back to the light rail stop.”

Nathan sighed and ran his hands through his hair. This was not working out as he had planned. Seeing Catherine at the arena had been an unexpected but definitely welcome surprise. He had wanted to ask her to go for a cup of coffee or a drink or something, but backed away when she had mentioned calling Dr. Porter. Then she left the arena so fast he wasn’t able to catch up to her. It had been pure luck seeing her at the light rail stop. Only now, instead of laughing or smiling, she was sitting next to him looking like she had lost her best friend. And suddenly he wanted her to smile, just for him.

He sighed again and reached for the key in the ignition, wondering what he should do. The engine turned over with a small purr as he faced her. “Where’s your car? I’ll drop you off there so you won’t have to take the light rail.”

“Um, the Timonium stop.”

Nathan nodded then made a U-turn in the middle of the street, tires squealing as he gave the car too much gas. He reached down and adjusted the stereo until a classic rock tune blared from the speakers. His foot pressed harder on the accelerator in response to the music. From the corner of his eye he saw Catherine’s white-knuckle grip on the edge of her seat, and he eased up on the gas.

He turned the stereo down, then shot her a cautious glance. “Instead of taking you home, we could go out somewhere, get something to drink and maybe have some fun. Unless you have something against having fun, that is.” Nathan had meant the last comment jokingly and was surprised when her expression turned even gloomier. She bit down on her lower lip then hesitantly looked over at him, her dark eyes wide and sad.

“Why do you think I have something against having fun?”

“What?” Nathan stared at her, surprised to hear her voice waver when she repeated the question. A horn blared behind them and he muttered to himself before turning onto a side street. There were no empty spots here to pull into, so he double-parked before turning his full attention on her.

“I don’t, you know.” Her voice was small and soft, nearly lost in the underlying noise that made up Baltimore’s nights. She cleared her throat and sat up straighter, and Nathan had the distinct impression that she was trying not to squirm. “I think our ideas of fun are probably just different, I guess.”

“Oh, yeah? So, what’s your idea of fun?” Nathan asked. She shrugged one small shoulder, refusing to look at him. He took a deep breath and looked around, then smiled. Without a word he put the car in gear and drove off.

“Where are we going?”

“To have some fun.”

The smell of beer and Old Bay rushed from the open door and mixed with the damp smell of the harbor, creating an aroma that was both bitter and appealing. Catherine wrinkled her nose and pushed a hand against her rumbling stomach as Nathan led her through the crowded bar to a back table that was barely large enough to seat one person. He pulled the chair out for her then commandeered another for himself, sitting too close for comfort.

“Do you like steamed shrimp?” Nathan’s voice was a warm whisper against her ear, causing a shiver to work its way through her. She tried to pull away, to put some distance between them, but there was no room to move. She swallowed against the lump in her throat and nodded, then sighed when Nathan stood and walked to the bar. It was hard not to notice the stares he attracted, including her own.

Catherine pulled her gaze away and looked around the smoky room, taking in the anonymous faces of the crowd and wondering again why she was there. Nathan had said nothing about their destination, only smiled when she asked. It had been a bit of a surprise when he wheeled the sports car down the cobblestone streets of Fells Point and led her into the waterfront bar famous for its steamed shrimp. She had heard about it before, of course, but this was her first time there. It made her think about other things she had missed out on.

What was with her tonight, she wondered. Every thought working its way into her mind was dismal, morose and depressing. If she wasn’t careful, she’d turn into an old biddy with no life. Not like she had much of one as it was…

Catherine rubbed her hands along her arms and tried to warm herself against the inner chill that threatened to take over. Too much of her time lately had been devoted to Matty. No, she corrected, not her time. Her life. She would never trade those moments for anything, but with Matty discovering a life outside their world, it made her wonder what was left for her.

“You okay?”

Catherine jerked around, surprised to see Nathan sitting next to her, surprised that she had been so deep in thought that she hadn’t noticed his return to the table. She nodded and offered him what she hoped was a passable smile then accepted the mug of beer he held out for her.

“Our shrimp will be ready in a few minutes.” He motioned to the mug in her hand. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted to drink. Is beer okay? I can get you something else—”

“No, this is fine.” She took a small sip to prove her point then sat the mug in front of her, running a finger around the smooth edge of the glass.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look…preoccupied.”

“Just thinking.” Catherine shrugged, not wanting to look at him but watching him from the corner of her eye as if some force drew her attention to him. He was sitting so close to her she could feel the heat of his legs next to hers, the occasional brush of his foot against her own. Tall, well-built and confident, his presence was nearly overwhelming. People in the bar stopped to look at him, noticed him when he did nothing more exciting than sit there. Catherine shifted in the wooden chair, wondering if people actually recognized him or if they merely reacted to the energy that surrounded him.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. We can leave—”

Catherine reached out and closed her hand over his arm to stop him from standing and shook her head, trying to ignore the vibrant heat that sent a jolt tingling through her where her flesh met his. She heard the words coming from her mouth, unable to stop them. “No, please. I want to stay.”

Nathan glanced at the pale, shaking hand on his arm, then into Catherine’s brown eyes and saw the wariness swimming in their dark depths. He took a deep breath to protect himself from the vulnerability that trembled through her and tried to offer her a carefree smile. The expression felt stiff on his face, must have looked stiff, too, because she suddenly removed her hand and looked away, a tinge of pink fanning her cheeks.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. Maybe we should leave.” She grabbed her purse and pushed her chair back, rising so quickly she stumbled. Nathan reached out and grabbed her, wanting only to steady her. His hand closed around her arm but instead of helping her, the contact stole whatever was left of her balance and she tumbled straight into his lap. The breath rushed out of Nathan in a hiss as her purse connected solidly with his left knee; a thousand needles of pain shot through his leg.

“Oh, God. Oh, God. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean…Oh, God!” Catherine tried to scramble from his lap and elbowed him in the stomach, stepping on his foot in her hurry. He reached out, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back to his lap, mostly to stop her from inflicting any more damage.

“Catherine, stop. It’s okay. I’m okay. Just…don’t hit me again. Please.” He felt her body stiffen against him at the laughter in his voice, then realized she was shaking. He tried to shift her weight so he could see her face, thinking that she was finally laughing. A jolt clenched his stomach when he saw that she was doing her best not to cry.

“Oh, damn,” he muttered. He looked around, realized there was no one who could explain why this woman was suddenly crying and felt completely helpless. She wiped at the single tear rolling down her face, refusing to look at him as he awkwardly patted her shoulder. He searched his mind for something to say, something to do, and came up blank. “Catherine?”

“I’m sorry. I’m fine. I’m sorry.” She jumped from his lap and took a few steps away from him, then suddenly turned and raced out the door before he could stop her. He stared at the spot where she had been then shook his head in confusion.

Nathan motioned to the bartender to cancel the shrimp order then walked out the door, wondering what he had done to upset Catherine so much. He looked around, finally seeing her standing against the wrought-iron railing set up along the water’s edge. She stood just outside the ring of light that fell from the street lamp but he could see that she was no longer crying. Her back stiffened at his approach but she refused to turn around.

“Are you all right?”

Silence.

“Um, did I do something to upset you?”

More silence. Nathan shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do. He stared out over the still water, watching the lights across the harbor twinkle on the black surface.

“I’m sorry if I did something to upset you.”

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry. It’s nothing you did.” The whispered words were choked with emotion as she glanced at him then quickly looked away. “I guess I’m not used to…I mean, it’s been awhile since I’ve gone anywhere and…”

Catherine’s voice trailed off awkwardly and Nathan leaned closer to get a better look. Her eyes were dark hollows in a pale face. The shadows of the night washed across her skin and accented the delicate planes of her cheeks. She looked helpless and lost and scared, and Nathan wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her, to reassure her that everything was going to be okay.

Instead of holding her like he wanted, he yanked one hand from his pocket and reached out to awkwardly pat her on her shoulder. She stiffened under his touch and he let his hand drop to his side, cursing himself for only making things worse. What did he know about comforting women? He had grown up in a family of three boys without a mother’s influence, where talk of sports dominated every conversation. Any emotion deeper than that died a swift death, simply because nobody knew how to deal with it.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, louder this time. Her shoulders shook with a deep breath as she continued to stare out over the water. “It’s just been a bad day. Actually, more like a bad week. I didn’t mean to ruin your evening.”

“That’s okay. I didn’t have anything better to do.” Nathan winced at his poor choice of words and scrambled to find something else to say. “I mean, I did kind of force you to come along. I thought, well, I shouldn’t have forced you.”

Silence settled between them, awkward against the backdrop of the sounds surrounding them. Laughter from couples and small groups walking along the street, muffled sounds of music drifting into the night from the doorways of the different pubs, the steady thump-thump-thump of car tires along the cobblestone street. Nathan took a deep breath and wished for a way to draw Catherine out of the silence and into the life that ebbed and flowed around them. Forcing her had proved to be a mistake. Short of bodily dragging her, he could think of nothing else.

“Maybe we should just leave now.” Her quiet voice pulled his attention back to her. She was watching him with those dark eyes, her hair a protective veil that fell across her face. He stared at her for a minute, trying to read her thoughts, but he couldn’t see through the wall that surrounded her. He took a deep breath and pulled the keys from his pocket, trying to smile and failing.

“Sure, no problem.” He motioned for her to lead the way and watched as she stepped from the curb, following her with his eyes and wishing there was some way to reach her. She stopped next to his car and turned, looking lost again. Nathan squared his shoulders and walked toward her.

Tonight could have gone a lot better. She wasn’t as untouchable as he first thought, and he wanted to find some way to breach her protective barrier and get to know her better.

He just needed to figure out the best way to do it.

Chapter Five

“So how was your date with Nathan the other night?”