Lullaby for Two / Child's Play
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Francesca reached across the table and patted Tessa’s hand. “It might be good to talk about it. You never do.”
No, she never did…because she just wanted to forget. “I was twenty-six weeks pregnant when I went into labor. I had a placenta accreta. The placenta pulled a hole in my uterus and I hemorrhaged. We lost the baby and I had to have a hysterectomy.”
Emily went very quiet. She brought her hands together in her lap, looked down at them and then returned her gaze to Tessa’s. “I’m so very sorry, Tessa. That would be devastating for any woman. As a teenager, I can’t even imagine what that did to you.”
“When my father heard what happened, he blamed Vince and the life we were living. We had a walk-up apartment and the bare necessities. Everything we earned went for expenses and the baby. The night I went into labor, I collapsed and couldn’t get to the phone. Our landlady found me and called the ambulance. I needed Vince but he wasn’t there…he was working. When I was released, I made the choice to go home with Dad rather than back to our apartment. I didn’t want to be a burden on Vince. I didn’t know if he married me because he had to, or because he thought we were meant to be together, like I did.”
She stopped to take a much-needed pause, then went on. “Vince…Vince came to my dad’s. He told me the pregnancy and our marriage was a mistake, that we’d been too young. He knew I wanted to be a doctor and he said that’s what I should be. He was going to join the Air Force, maybe make a career of it like his uncle had. His uncle was very different from his dad. His dad drank and couldn’t hold a job, and I think Vince just needed to prove he was different, that he could succeed at something. He didn’t ask me what I wanted. I could see he wasn’t willing to fight for what we had.”
“You were both grieving. You’d lost a child,” Emily sympathized.
“A baby boy,” Tessa murmured, her own voice catching. Then she regained her composure. “I know now no one should make major decisions about their life under those circumstances. But we did. He left, and I went to Stanford. Less than a year later I heard he was seeing someone. So I knew our relationship hadn’t meant as much to him as it had to me. Even though we’d broken up, even though we’d gotten a divorce, I still felt betrayed.”
“So what happened today?” Francesca prompted. “Why was he at your office? He’s moved back and he has children?”
“I can’t say. You know that. If you find out about Vince from someone else, that’s fine. But I can’t tell you anything more.”
Francesca and Emily exchanged another of those looks, and Tessa knew what that meant. Sagebrush was a small town. They’d soon know exactly why Vincent Rossi had returned.
The waitress appeared, carrying a tray with their lunches. Tessa had no appetite whatsoever. However, she was determined that Vince Rossi’s return would not affect her life. He would not turn her world upside down a second time.
Vince entered Sagebrush High School ten days later, cell phone to his ear. “Is everything okay?” he asked the woman he’d hired to take care of Sean.
“Just fine, Mr. Rossi. Sean ate all of his supper. I’m going to give him a bath and put him to bed. Or do you want me to keep him up until you come home?”
Vince had interviewed three women to watch Sean during his working hours. He’d liked Mrs. Zappa the best. She was a widow, a retired teacher who was available whenever he might need her and she loved kids. Almost everyone in town knew her and they’d all given her good references. So he shouldn’t worry when he was away from Sean. But he’d been caring for the little boy day and night, all by himself, since the beginning of March. It was hard to let go.
“No, don’t keep him up,” he directed her. “He’ll just get cranky. If he wakes up later, I’ll read him a story and then put him down again. I should be home by nine…ten at the latest. The parent meeting will probably last about a half hour, and then there will be questions and answers afterward.”
He knew Tessa was going to be at the meeting, too. At least this time he’d be prepared to see her. This time he was ready.
That’s what he told himself.
Until he walked into the principal’s office and saw her. She was standing at the counter where visitors signed in and out, where students made their needs and wants known. She was wearing a raspberry-colored suit with a cream blouse and looked like ten million bucks.
She must have heard him come in because she turned, and their gazes collided. “Vince,” she said in acknowledgment, her soft voice running up his spine like a sensual finger. “I thought you might send one of your officers to take care of this.”
Maybe she was hoping he’d send one of his officers to speak. Then she wouldn’t have to see him. “I thought tonight was too important to skip. I don’t think parents realize exactly what dangers crop up around the prom and the summer holidays. They need to know what to do to talk to their kids and protect them.”
Tessa gave him a long, studying assessment. “I agree. The principal said you were going to talk first. Do you have a prepared presentation?”
He grinned at her. “Nope. I’m going to wing it.” Then he shrugged. “I’ve done this before about a thousand times. It’s all in my head.”
She lifted her zippered portfolio. “It’s all in my notes.”
He laughed. That was Tessa, always organized and prepared. He took a few steps closer to her and his laugh faded. “Are you going to cover alcohol and drugs?”
She didn’t step back, just nodded.
Her blond brows were so delicately shaped. Her fringe of lashes was darker than her hair. Her blue eyes had always been guileless. He could smell vanilla and strawberries again, and he saw the pulse at her neck beating.
“Are you nervous about this?” he asked.
“The presentation? Or giving the presentation with you?”
“Either. Both.”
“I’m not seventeen anymore. I don’t get nervous as easily.”
The bravado was new, as was her confidence level. But so much was the same.
He gently placed a finger on the pulse point of her neck and could feel exactly how fast her heart was beating. “You’re nervous about something,” he insisted.
She could have slapped his hand away, which was sort of what he expected. She definitely could have backed away. But she just stood there, gazing into his eyes, and he realized that was worse than shutting him out.
Because he saw the pain he’d caused Tessa…and now he knew she’d never forgive him.
Chapter Two
“I see the two of you have met,” said Joe Mercer, the principal of Sagebrush High School, to Tessa and Vince as he exited his private office.
Tessa didn’t speak. She still felt breathless and disconcerted from Vince’s touch.
“We went to school here together,” Vince filled in when the silence grew awkward.
Joe, a handsome man in his midforties and prematurely gray, asked Tessa, “Is the school the same as you remembered it?”
Walking into Sagebrush High brought back too many memories as far as she was concerned. Although she’d convinced her father to let her attend the public high school, she’d felt alone and very much the outsider here—until Vince had dropped into her life. “It’s the same. Though the halls have a new coat of paint and the auditorium was added on since I…we…came to school here.”
As she glanced at Vince, she saw his eyes had turned a stormy gray. Was he remembering the kisses they’d shared behind locker doors? The quick hugs before a test? The afterschool rendezvous in his pickup truck in the parking lot? She might not want those memories to still be intact, but in spite of her best effort to tame or banish them, they were. The deepening of lines on Vince’s brow told her he couldn’t banish them, either.
She purposefully glanced at her watch. “I suppose the parents will be gathering. Are we speaking to them in the auditorium?”
“Unfortunately we won’t have enough parents here to need the auditorium,” Joe replied. “They think they know their kids so most don’t attend these meetings. We’re gathering in the library.”
As the principal motioned for Tessa to precede him into the hall, Vince asked him, “You publicized this?”
“Absolutely. Flyers went home with the kids. We posted it on our Web site. There was even a notice in the paper.”
Vince had come up beside Tessa, his long-legged stride easily taking him ahead of her. When he realized it, he slowed.
Just looking at him could still make her giddy. At eighteen, he’d been most girls’ fantasy date, with his good looks, sexy beard stubble and broad shoulders that could make a girl feel safe. At thirty-eight, he was so much more. The lines etched around his eyes had come from maturity and experience. She guessed his strong jaw still carried a shadowed beard line after five o’clock. But tonight he was clean-shaven, ready for his part of the program.
She tried not to look too hard or see too much, but in spite of herself, she noticed that tonight he wore a denim blazer, white oxford shirt and black jeans, a broad-rimmed cowboy hat low over his eyes. He’d obviously kept in shape. She’d been able to tell that from the muscles evident under his polo shirt that day in her office. She’d tried to ignore the changes in his body as he’d handed Sean to her…as he’d loomed in the room while she’d examined his son.
His son.
“How is Sean adjusting to the move?” she asked, as their footsteps echoed in the hall and they drew closer to the library.
“Probably better than I am,” Vince admitted with a rueful smile.
She’d be safer not commenting on Vince’s adjustment. “If Sean’s sleeping, eating well and seems happy, then he’s adjusting.”
“Sometimes he wakes up around 2:00 a.m. and wants to play. I walk him for a while and talk to him, then he settles down again.”
She didn’t know why she was having such a difficult time imagining Vince with the baby, accepting full care of him. Maybe because while she was pregnant he simply hadn’t been around much and she’d wished he had been.
As they entered the library, Tessa noticed that most of the rectangular tables for eight were filled, and about a hundred parents had gathered.
Joe led them to the circulation desk. A podium was positioned in front of it with two chairs by its side.
“I didn’t want this to be too formal,” he told them in a low voice. “If we can keep the meeting more conversational, give parents a chance to ask questions and not feel a barrier between you and them, that would be best. Chief Rossi, after my opening remarks I’ll introduce you. Is there anything I need to set up for you? A bit of a background?”
“I’ll include my background when I talk to them,” Vince assured the principal.
“The same for you, Dr. McGuire?” Joe asked.
She nodded, eager to hear what Vince had to say. In spite of herself she was curious about where he’d been and what he’d done over the past twenty years. Not that he would go into all of that publicly. But she might get a hint.
She was always all nerves before she gave a presentation. She was much better one-on-one, or in a small group. But she did it as a challenge, as she did everything. If she was afraid of something, she knew she had to walk straight toward it and face it. Was that how Vince ran his life, too?
She sensed a confidence about him that had been lacking when he was a teenager. At eighteen he’d stood tall and said what he thought more because of defiance than confidence.
Now, however, he walked up to the podium and gave the group a relaxed smile. After he swiped off his Stetson, he laid it on the counter behind him and ran a hand through his thick black hair.
“I’m Vince Rossi, chief of police of the Sagebrush P.D.” He nodded to the group. “It’s good to see all of you here. I know you’re wondering what I can tell you about your sons and daughters. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. Maybe my experience in law enforcement will tell you the pitfalls available to teenagers in a small town, especially when drugs, alcohol and vehicles are involved. If you listen to what I have to say, I promise to answer each and every one of your questions, even if I’m here all night.”
Whether Vince had had psychological training in the method he used to approach the group, Tessa didn’t know. But what he’d said had worked. All gazes were on him. They were attentive, thanks to the promise of individual attention if they needed it. Vince already held them in the palm of his hand.
Unbidden, she thought about his palm. How it had touched her in pleasure and gentleness and teasing. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the portfolio on her lap rather than at Vince. She’d be better off concentrating on his words than on him.
Tessa’s approach, when it was her turn, was altogether different from Vince’s. She spoke as a friend of the family, warning of signs of changes in their children’s personalities, explaining that no child was immune from peer pressure and the need for friends’ approval. After she finished, she assured them she’d also be available to speak to any parent who had concerns.
During the next hour both she and Vince answered questions, gave advice, but mostly listened.
When only a dozen or so parents remained, talking among themselves in small groups, Vince crossed to her. “I’m going to have to face their concerns in another thirteen or fourteen years.” He shook his head. “That makes me want to bury my head in the sand.”
When they’d separated, Vince had buried his head in the sand where she was concerned…where their marriage was concerned. He hadn’t wanted to see how much she loved him…how much she wanted their marriage to work…how sad she was because of the loss of their child. It had been easier for him to walk away.
All these years she’d put the past in a compartment that she’d shut tight. She couldn’t seem to do that tonight, but she was giving it her best shot. She reminded herself just to treat this evening as a professional, not as Vince’s ex-wife. “Drugs and alcohol don’t have to be a rite of passage.”
After their gazes met for a few long moments, Vince remarked, “It’s a shame you’re a pediatrician.”
“Why?”
“Because these parents would all put their kids in your care if you didn’t just treat babies. How long have you been back here?”
“Two years. Since Family Tree opened.”
Suddenly, one of the men who appeared to be a few years older than Vince broke away from another couple and approached Tessa. “Dr. McGuire, I’m Tim Daltry. I know your dad pretty well. He’s letting my son, Ray, work at the ranch after school and weekends to make money for college. Just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for that. He’s paying Ray real good and it’s going to make a difference.”
Tessa had always admired her father’s generosity. He wasn’t public about it, but he did things like this when he could. “If Dad hired your son, I’m sure Ray’s giving him a good day’s work for what he’s getting.”
Always aware of Vince even when she didn’t want to be, she noticed his mouth had gone tight at the mention of her father. She wondered just how deep his resentment ran. She’d had to let go of hers. Everything her father had done had stemmed from his love for her. And although at the time she hadn’t agreed with any of it, her father in essence had proved himself right—because Vince had left. He’d abandoned her to find a life that suited him better.
“Well, I just wanted to introduce myself,” Daltry said. “Give your dad my regards.” His gaze went to Vince. “You gave us a lot to think about. I can’t quite see Chief Farmer ever speaking to a group like this.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Vince replied casually. “But Chief Farmer is planning to come back as soon as he’s recovered. If you want to do more programs like this, you could make the suggestion.”
“Maybe I will. Rumor has it you were a homicide detective in Albuquerque. Is that true?”
“Sure is.”
“What made you come to a town like Sagebrush?”
Tessa could see Daltry was wondering if Vince had gotten into trouble somehow, or been demoted, or been kicked off the force. Everyone liked meaty gossip. She and Vince had been the butt of it twenty years ago. But that had been a long time ago. Some people might remember, others might not. Since she’d returned to Sagebrush, residents here had respected her privacy. But now that Vince was back…
To her surprise, Vince didn’t clam up but was completely forthright with Daltry. “My life changed. I’m a father now, and a homicide detective’s life wasn’t conducive to bringing up a child.”
“But if you’re only here for a few months…” Daltry trailed off.
“I’m just concentrating on what I have to do here, then I’ll look past that.”
It was a smooth answer and one that didn’t tell Tessa anything. Would Vince consider staying in the area? Would he go back to Albuquerque or on to somewhere new? She could easily see that happening.
Mr. Daltry bid them both good-night and followed a few other parents out of the library.
Vince looked over at the principal, who was talking to one lingering parent. Then he checked his watch. “I know it’s getting late and we’ll both be up early, but how would you like to grab a cup of coffee at the diner?”
She couldn’t read his expression or tell anything from his eyes, so she decided to just honestly ask, “Why?”
After studying her for a long moment, he replied, “Because there’s ice between us and I’d like to chip at it a little.”
He was right. She’d thought she’d put the past in the past. But seeing Vince again stirred up old feelings—feelings she’d thought she’d dealt with, feelings that had no place in her life now. If he was going to be in Sagebrush and she was going to run into him, she didn’t want those feelings disrupting her existence. Sure, she had walls up. She’d admit that. But a tête-à-tête with Vince? Sitting across the table from him, gazing into those steel-gray eyes…
Would that make matters better or worse?
For better or worse, for richer or poorer…
Those vows had meant nothing to him. But she didn’t want to hate him. She didn’t want to resent him. She didn’t want to be bitter about what had happened back then. She didn’t want a squall of memories to assault her just from standing close to him.
Closure was what she needed. Facing what she didn’t want to face might do the trick.
“I have time for a cup of…tea,” she substituted. They both used to like rich, dark coffee—decaf for her after she was pregnant—no sugar, no cream. Especially in the morning after making love…
She had shut down memories for years. But tonight she might have to let them rise to the surface so she could move on…so she could prove to herself she was over Vince Rossi for good.
The end-of-May night was wonderfully clear with a bright half-moon and thousands of stars twinkling as Tessa walked beside Vince to the diner. So many stars, so many wishes. She’d stopped wishing on stars when she was eighteen and her dreams had crashed.
Awkward silence wrapped around them with neither of them knowing what to say.
“So much for ice breaking,” Vince said wryly as they approached the diner with its flashing neon sign announcing to the world that the Yellow Rose Diner was open.
“We used to know each other, Vince. We don’t anymore. That’s why it’s hard to talk.”
He stopped before the glass door and didn’t attempt to pull it open. “Are you telling me a former homicide detective and a doctor have nothing in common? We’re people, Tessa. If you pretend I’m a stranger you met at a party, I’ll bet then you’d have something to say.”
“Meaning?” She could feel herself bristling and knew they were off to a difficult start.
Vince blew out a breath. “Meaning you handled that crowd—most of them strangers—tonight like a pro. You didn’t have difficulty speaking to anyone who approached you. So why is it so hard to have a conversation with me?”
There were a thousand answers in her head, beginning with because you left, because you abandoned me, because you didn’t stand up to my father, because you thought I wasn’t worth a fight. But silence seemed to be her best recourse and she stuck to it.
If he’d continued to challenge her, they might have walked away from each other right then and there. But instead of being oppositional, he murmured gently, “Tessa.”
The sound of her name in just that way twisted her heart. She confided, “I guess maybe there’s too much to say and I’m afraid the wrong thing will spill out. I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret. And let’s face it, we never just talked about the weather.”
Now when she gazed into his eyes, his were conflicted with memories of everything they’d shared years ago—from dreams and plans to marriage and hopes for their baby.
Breaking eye contact, he opened the door to the diner.
The restaurant was empty but Tessa recognized the waitress wiping down the red counter. “Hi, Mindy.”
“Dr. McGuire! I haven’t seen you for a while.” She cast an assessing glance at Vince, then screwed up her face into an I-think-I-know-you look. “Aren’t you the new chief of police? Rossi, isn’t it? Aren’t you originally from Sagebrush?” She glanced quickly at Tessa and Tessa wondered if Mindy knew their story. But Mindy went on, addressing Vince again. “Dusty was telling me the guys were all nervous when they heard you were coming back, being a homicide detective and all. But he said you weren’t trying to make a whole bunch of changes and you seemed like a right nice guy.”
Vince’s complexion grew a little ruddier. Instead of commenting on what the waitress had said, he motioned to the glass-covered cake dish with its three doughnuts. “So this is where Dusty buys the doughnuts. They’re always gone ten minutes after he brings them in.”
Mindy smiled. “We’ve got the best baked goods in town. I’ve got half an apple pie left and you and Doc McGuire deserve a piece.”
She whispered in an aside to Vince, throwing her chin at Tessa, “The doc gives me samples for my boy when he’s sick, so I can stretch my tips a little further.” Motioning to the table back in the corner, she suggested, “If you two want some privacy, you can have the best table in the house. Tea for you, Doc?”
Tessa nodded.
“Black coffee for you, Chief?”
“How did you know?”
“Just a guess. You look like the type. Just made a new pot.”
Vince waited until Tessa was seated, then pulled out his own chair. After he sat across from her, he shook his head ruefully. “I’d forgotten everyone in this town knows everything about everyone else.”
“You’re a public figure.”
“Not for long.”
He was leaving. She had to remember that.
Swiping off his Stetson, he settled it on one of the chairs. “When I brought Sean in to see you, I forgot to ask for a recommendation for a physical therapist. It’s another two weeks until we see Dr. Rafferty and I want to make sure the exercises I’m doing with him are enough.”
“Unfortunately there aren’t any physical therapy practices in Sagebrush. You’ll have to go to Lubbock.”
“I’ll go wherever I need to go.”
She saw that he would. “I know several good therapists, but let me ask around and I’ll find out who’s best with a child Sean’s age.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
Mindy brought their drinks and pie.
Tessa picked up her fork and took a bite, rolling her eyes in obvious pleasure. “This makes up for not eating supper.”
“Did you work late?”
“I always work late. It depends on how long rounds at the hospital take, if I have an emergency, if there’s a problem patient who runs overtime. There are never enough hours in a day.”
They ate in silence for a few moments until Vince asked, “So your dad still raises cutting horses?”
She hadn’t expected the subject of her father to come up again so soon. “He does. He has a manager and a trainer, so he doesn’t do as much of the training as he used to. But he pushes himself to stay moving so his arthritis doesn’t get the best of him.” She took another bite of her pie, though her stomach was churning. “But that isn’t really what you wanted to know, is it? If you want to ask me about him, go ahead.”