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“Well, no, but…”
“You do know she needs a diaper change?” Jess asked, arching one golden eyebrow and grinning wryly. Nate might have taken offense, but her large brown eyes radiated kindness.
“I—er, well of course I know,” Nate said, patting Gracie on her plump behind.
In truth, he hadn’t noticed until Jess brought it to his attention. What Nate knew about babies could fit onto the head of a pin.
That was one problem he was going to have to fix, and fast.
“Would you like me to change her for you?” Jess asked with a polite smile. Her gaze was steeped in amusement, but Nate couldn’t argue. A rough-cut marine holding a tiny baby girl had to look fairly humorous to anyone’s eyes, especially to this day care director, who no doubt took care of babies every day.
He shook his head before he could think better of it. “I’ve got it. Thanks.”
“You’re sure?” Jess queried.
Nate shook his head again. “I’ll just go over—” He hesitated, looking around the lodge’s day room. No thought presented itself that would reasonably complete his sentence, so he let it dangle as awkwardly as the baby squirming in his arms.
“The sofa, perhaps?” she suggested. This time Nate was certain he heard a little teasing in her tone, not that he could blame her.
“Right. The couch.” He moved toward the sofa as he spoke, not wanting to make eye contact with either Jess or Vince.
“Do you have a changing pad?” Jess asked from directly behind his left shoulder.
Nate couldn’t remember what he had in the diaper bag, but by the weight of it, he was positive he’d packed everything, including the kitchen sink. He’d certainly cleaned out the infant shelves of the baby store where he’d stopped to pick up necessary baby items on his trip to Colorado.
Settling himself on the couch, Nate propped Gracie on his knee and reached for the diaper bag.
Changing pad. Changing pad.
What did a changing pad look like?
Chuckling, Jess seated herself next to Nate. “Here you go,” she said, pointing to a folded piece of vinyl.
When Nate didn’t move fast enough, Jess snatched up the changing pad and unfolded it on the surface of the couch, then gently removed Gracie from Nate’s arm and arranged her on the surface.
“Diaper?” she queried, lifting an open palm.
Nate knew what that was, anyway. He handed her a fresh diaper and the box of wipes he’d purchased.
He belatedly realized he was allowing the woman to take over, but he brushed it off, knowing it would be useful to watch an expert change Gracie’s diaper for once, and certainly the baby would appreciate it. His own attempts to change the infant during the drive to Colorado were questionable at best, to which Gracie’s current saggy baggies attested.
And he hadn’t even known about the changing pad. He’d just changed her on a blanket.
Jess had Gracie’s diaper off in moments, despite how the baby girl wiggled and kicked. Her soft, sweet voice affected Nate more than he cared to admit, so it wasn’t any surprise to him that Gracie responded with happy smiles and coos.
He just wished the baby girl would respond to him that way.
“Oh, you poor little thing,” Jessica told the wriggling infant, before glancing back at Nate. He might be considered handsome in a rough-cut sort of way, with his military-short light brown hair and gold-flecked eyes, but he obviously knew nothing about taking care of a baby.
“What?” Nate queried. Jessica thought he sounded slightly defensive, and that, for some reason, embarrassed her. She felt her face warm under his intense gaze, hating that she was so easily ruffled.
“Gracie has a diaper rash.” She tried not to make it sound like an accusation, but thought it probably sounded like one, regardless. Her face went from warm to burning hot, and she was concerned that her countenance would reflect how she was feeling inside. She had to be as red as a cherry.
Pursing her lips, she deliberately softened her next words. “Do you have any ointment?”
“Ointment,” Nate repeated, digging haplessly through the diaper bag. “What exactly am I looking for?”
“A tube, like toothpaste,” Jessica said with a laugh. Now that she wasn’t the only one flustered, she could relax about it.
Nate continued his search, but to no avail. After a moment he gave up rummaging and shrugged at her.
“I don’t think I have any,” he admitted at wryly. He flashed Jessica a rueful grin. “I’m afraid I’m not as armed and organized as I need to be. I didn’t know what Gracie would need, so I thought I bought a little bit of everything I could find. Obviously I missed something.”
“Babies require a lot of gear,” Jessica informed him, efficiently wrapping Gracie in a clean diaper with the ease of experience. “I’d be happy to go into Boulder with you tomorrow to help you stock up on basic supplies.”
Nate flashed her a lopsided smile. He was a handsome man, she thought again. If she were looking for that sort of thing.
Which she definitely wasn’t.
She wasn’t looking for any kind of man at all—now or ever. Military men included, even if they looked ridiculously heartwarming and adorable as they toted around cute little baby girls.
Especially if they toted around cute little baby girls. Even the thought choked her up emotionally, and she was immediately on the defensive.
“In the meantime,” she suggested, refusing to dwell on the past and reluctantly turning her mind back to the problem at hand, “we need to do something for Gracie’s rash. I think I have some petroleum jelly back at my cabin. That will do in a pinch.”
“Petroleum jelly? I would never have thought of that,” he admitted with a low whistle and a shake of his head. “I’m definitely a newbie.”
He laughed, obviously comfortable enough with himself to smile at his own weaknesses. Jessica admired that, and wished her own personality was more like that. “And there are no doubt many things I haven’t thought of, where a baby is concerned. Like what I’m going to do with her while I am out looking for a job, for starters.”
“We have an opening at the day care,” Jessica replied, jumping in more quickly than she should have. She had her reasons for being hesitant, yet her mouth opened before her brain had a chance to get in edge-wise. But as it was too late to take back the words, she continued.
“I’d be happy to care for Gracie on weekdays if you want to drop her by.”
Nate smiled again, at once both a charming and disarming gesture. “I’ll do that.”
No, no, no, no, no! the voice inside of her railed.
Not now.
Not this baby, who reminded her all too much of a similar tiny, smiling infant; one little baby she would never forget.
She had come to Morningway Lodge in part to escape from her memories, not indulge them with someone else’s baby. And though she’d cared for several infants since taking the position here, none had affected her the way Gracie had, from the first moment Jessica had seen her.
The memories were still far too painfully fresh and easily goaded to the forefront of her mind. Her own sweet baby, Elizabeth, had had big brown eyes and curly black hair, as well. Maybe that was it.
Maybe it was that the children in her day care, who belonged to the families who resided at Morningway Lodge while their loved ones recuperated at the nearby physical rehabilitation hospital, never stayed around for more than a few months.
It was safe, relatively, not to get emotionally involved. But Nate—and Gracie—were Morningways. They could be around forever.
By offering to help Nate Morningway, she realized with a sharp stab of pain to her heart, she had potentially just become her own worst enemy.
Chapter Three
Nate never appeared.
Jessica stared out the large bay window overlooking the front side of the day care and sighed. Absently she noted the long shadows of the pine trees that signaled that the sun would soon be setting.
Friday afternoon, and not a word from Nate, other than the time he’d called—at the last minute—and canceled their trip to the baby store in Boulder. In the week since, he’d not once brought Gracie by the day care. In point of fact, Jessica hadn’t seen Nate—or Gracie—at all. Not even in passing.
She didn’t know why it bothered her, but it did nonetheless.
Actually, she knew exactly why it bothered her.
Gracie.
That little baby girl had captured Jessica’s heart the moment Nate had walked into the lodge with her in his arms. What a sweetheart.
Melancholy drifted over her like a black storm cloud and burst into rain, flooding through her heart and leaving her limbs weak.
Jessica couldn’t deny the fact that Gracie reminded her of Elizabeth. There wasn’t a single day that went by that Jessica didn’t think of Elizabeth and weep, not in two years. Every single day and night since eight-month-old Elizabeth’s unexpected death from SIDS, Jessica’s arms and heart had painfully ached for the child.
That was why, she supposed, that as much as it had hurt, holding Gracie had been such a blessing. Babies were God’s special gift, even those that only stayed on this earth a short while.
And there was just something about Gracie, something special that set her apart. Something that felt different than her experiences with the other babies she’d cared for since she’d taken the position as director of the day care at Morningway Lodge nearly a year earlier.
Why hadn’t Nate brought Gracie by?
For better—or more likely for worse—Jessica had looked forward to interacting with the sweet baby girl every day at the day care.
Well, she realized as she finished putting toys back in the bin and surveying the empty toddler room at the day care, there was one way to find out. She would swing by Nate’s cabin on her way home from work and find out what was keeping the man. And if she got to spend a little time with Gracie, that was a plus.
After locking up, she headed straight to Nate’s cabin, walking quickly and with purpose. She didn’t want to give herself time to talk herself out of it, and maybe never see the baby again.
Gah! she thought as she finally stood on the doorstep of Nate’s cabin. This was awkward, especially for a self-proclaimed introvert like Jessica.
She could definitely be accused of being a worrywort. But a busybody? Not so much.
Given the pros and cons of her current actions, the list was hardly equal. There were more than enough reasons for her to turn herself around right now and walk away. No harm done, right?
With a quiet murmur and a shake of her head, Jessica raised her hand and knocked on the screen door. Gracie might need her, she reminded herself. The baby probably needed her, with only an inexperienced and obviously proud-to-a-fault marine taking care of her.
The door behind the screen was open. When no one immediately answered her knock, Jessica cupped her hand to her forehead to block the glare of the evening sunshine and peered inside.
“Hello? Mr. Morningway?” she called softly, her heart loudly humming in her ears. “It’s Jessica Sabin from the day care.”
“Door is open, Jess,” called Nate’s coarse, disembodied voice. “In the kitchen. And please. It’s Nate. Mr. Morningway is my pop—or my brother.”
Jessica let herself in, fighting herself every step of the way. This was so far out of her comfort zone it wasn’t even funny, but she wouldn’t let that stop her. It wasn’t the first time, and she was certain it wouldn’t be the last, though it didn’t help that Nate was such an incredibly handsome man.
Okay, that was enough of that kind of thinking. She was going to talk herself out of this yet.
“Ay-uh, ay-uh, ay-uh,” Gracie screeched when Jessica entered the kitchen. She banged her fists repeatedly on the tray in a staccato rhythm.
The baby was seated in her high chair and facing the door. Nate sat with his back to Jessica, an infant spoon in one hand and a jar of pureed carrots in the other. He didn’t look around when she entered the kitchen, his gaze solely focused on his infant ward.
“One more bite,” he coaxed, holding the spoon to Gracie’s tiny mouth. “Come on now, girl. Open wide and say ah.”
“Ah, ah,” Gracie complied, giving Jessica a wide, toothless grin. She flapped her arms wildly and banged her little fists on the high chair with excited abandon. Jessica had never felt so welcome as she did from the baby’s innocent greeting.
“Well, she’s glad to see you,” Nate commented, sounding at once amused and annoyed. Taking advantage of Gracie’s open mouth, he slipped a spoonful of carrots between her lips.
“Ah-bbbb,” said baby Gracie.
“Ack!” exclaimed Nate as Gracie’s enthusiastic raspberry covered his olive-green T-shirt with orange spots.
Jessica couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled from her chest.
“Sure, sure. Feel free to laugh.” Nate shot Jessica a faux glare across his shoulder, his features crinkled in distaste but a wry, self-deprecating grin on his lips that belied his tone.
Jessica clapped a hand over her mouth, but not before another giggle escaped.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, her shoulders heaving from the hopeless effort of restraining her laughter. “It’s just that you look so—”
“Foolish?” he offered, joining his own laughter with hers.
She was going to say cute, she realized, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks. And just how would that have sounded?
To cover her own embarrassment, Jessica reached for the baby wipes on the table and methodically scrubbed Gracie’s face and hands before lifting the infant from the chair and into her arms.
“Feeding this baby is way harder than it looks,” Nate observed wryly. “I’d rather face an IED.”
“IED?” Jessica queried. Leaning in close to Gracie’s cheek, Jessica inhaled deeply. She could never quite get enough of the just-bathed lotion smell that was distinctive to babies.
“Improvised explosive device,” Nate clarified. “A homemade bomb.”
“You defused bombs in the marines?”
“That was my specialty. I suspect it doesn’t translate well into civilian life, though. One thing I know for certain—my training is of absolutely no use in learning to take care of Gracie.”
Jessica chuckled softly. “No, I don’t suppose it is. I’ll pray for you, though.”
“I—er—just let me go change my shirt real quick,” Nate said before beelining it straight out of the kitchen. “I’ll only be a moment,” he tossed over his shoulder as he went.
Jessica didn’t miss Nate’s discomfort at her mention of prayer, but her faith was an intricate part of who she was. God had pulled her out of the mire of her own desperation, and she couldn’t help but be vocal about her love for Christ now.
She wondered about Nate’s faith—or lack thereof. His brother, Vince, was a committed Christian.
None of your business, she reminded herself once again, frowning.
Still, she didn’t mind the opportunity to regain her equilibrium that Nate’s quick exit had afforded her. She was grateful for a moment to step back and catch her breath, emotionally speaking.
She could be in deep water here. Mentally, she acknowledged her physical attraction to Nate and recognized it for what it was, and then determined within herself to let it go.
As long as she didn’t dwell on it, there was no harm, no foul, she told herself resolutely. There was no way she was going to submit herself to heartbreak again in this lifetime.
Anyway, the only reason that Nate appeared so adorable to Jessica was his association with baby Gracie. Or at least that was what she was going to keep telling herself. Over and over again, if necessary.
Jessica turned her attention to Gracie, noting that she wasn’t the only one to appear flushed—Gracie’s cheeks were a rosy red. Alarms blared in Jessica’s head and her heartbeat picked up tempo as she pressed the back side of her fingers to the baby’s warm face.
“Nate?” she called hesitantly.
“Yep?” he replied from just behind her.
She whirled around, her gaze reaching only to the middle of Nate’s well-built chest. His height unnerved her all the more. She tilted her head up to make eye contact with him.
“Do you have a thermometer?” she queried, patting Gracie gently on the back to reassure herself as much as the baby.
“I think I do,” Nate said, and then frowned. “Why? Is Gracie sick?”
Jessica shook her head and tried to smile reassuringly. “She feels a little warm, but I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”
“Should I call the doctor?”
“No,” she assured him, keeping her voice calm and level. “Babies often run mild fevers when they are teething. That’s probably all it is.”
One corner of Nate’s mouth tipped up in a half grin and he shook his hand in mock pain. “She’s teething, all right. For a little nipper with bare gums, she sure can pack a punch. And I noticed she’s been drooling a lot more these past couple of days.”
“Sounds normal,” Jessica agreed, fighting the stinging lump of emotion growing in her throat. Her own baby, Elizabeth, had only just cut her first two bottom teeth when—
“Here we go,” Nate said, fishing a digital thermometer out of the diaper bag. “How do you keep this thing in her mouth?”
Jessica chuckled despite herself. “That would be an interesting trick. I’d like to see you try.”
She winked. “Actually, we’re going to put it under her arm.”
With that, Jessica sat in the chair Nate had abandoned and gently placed the thermometer under the baby’s shoulder. Gracie squirmed and verbally protested at being held so snugly, but Jessica held her tight and kept her amused by babbling baby talk at her, repeating whatever random sounds Gracie made.
“I’m glad that’s you and not me,” Nate said, sitting down next to Jessica and running a palm over Gracie’s downy hair. “She’s already mad enough at me as it is, for trying to slip her some carrots.”
“Fruit is much sweeter and tastier than vegetables,” Jessica agreed, smiling at Nate. “As a baby or as an adult.”
Nate laughed. “Don’t let Gracie hear you say that, or I’ll never be able to feed her anything more than peaches and bananas.”
“It’ll get easier,” Jessica assured him. “It just takes time and patience.”
“And a lot of T-shirts.”
Jessica chuckled. Nate had changed one olive-colored T-shirt for another. She wondered if the marine had any other color in his wardrobe.
The thermometer beeped and, unconsciously holding her breath, Jessica peered at the results. Nate leaned forward to look with her.
“Ninety-nine-point-four,” Jessica read aloud. “Just remember, when you take a baby’s temperature under her arm, you need to add a degree, so that makes it one-hundred-point-four.”
“Then she does have a fever,” Nate said in alarm, his brow furrowed.
“Only a mild one. She’s probably teething, as I mentioned earlier. But you should keep an eye on her, just in case.”
“I will,” Nate vowed.
“Which, as it happens, brings me to the reason I stopped by in the first place.” Nate arched an eyebrow as Jessica slid Gracie from her arms to his.
“I was under the impression you were going to make use of the day care while you were out job hunting. I started to worry when you never showed.”
“Oh, that.” Nate shrugged and kissed a wiggling Gracie on the forehead before lowering her into the playpen in the corner of the kitchen, where it was visible not only in the kitchen, but from the living room, as well. “Yes, well, I’ve had a change of heart.”
“How is that?” Jessica was surprised at how her emotions plummeted at Nate’s words. She told herself repeatedly that it was none of her business what Nate did with Gracie. While that was probably true, she still cared—maybe too much.
“I decided not to look for a job right away,” Nate explained. “I put away most of the money I made when I was in the marines, so I have enough to live off—for now, anyway. I’m not sure if I’m going to be staying around long enough to make it worthwhile for me to pursue anything permanent.”
“I see,” Jessica said, though she didn’t. And she wasn’t about to analyze the way her heart dropped at Nate’s indication that he wouldn’t be around for long.
“Becoming Gracie’s guardian is a big adjustment for me. I’m like any parent with an infant, I guess, only I didn’t have nine months to prepare for her arrival, so I’m working on a curve.”
“I imagine it’s a big change for you from being a single man in the military.” Jessica paused thoughtfully and then asked the question that was plaguing her. “If you aren’t planning to stay at Morningway Lodge, then where will you go?”
Nate snorted. “Anywhere but here.”
Jessica wanted to question Nate further about his negative feelings toward the lodge, but she wasn’t sure he’d be keen on her poking her nose into his business any more than she already had.
She sighed. “I love it here. It’s so quiet and peaceful compared to the ruckus of a big city. You can see and hear God all around you.”
Nate stared at Jess, his gaze wide. She spoke so freely about God, as if she was intimately acquainted with Him. It was the way his mother had always spoken of the Almighty, Nate remembered, a feeling of nostalgia washing over him.
But Nate wondered at such naiveté, such sweet and innocent belief as these women shared.
He’d seen the ravages of war firsthand. He knew better than to believe in fairy tales.
He nearly blurted out that he wasn’t looking for God, but caught himself before he said the words out loud and couldn’t take them back.
There was no sense being rude, especially since her faith was clearly very dear to her. He retreated to his usual mode of dealing with issues he didn’t really want to address—he clammed up.
Jess didn’t appear to notice his sudden silence, and continued thoughtfully.
“Growing up, I lived in Los Angeles. Far too much noise and pollution for me. I’d rather have the clear, beautiful Rocky Mountains any day of the week, thank you very much.”
“Is your family still in California?”
She hesitated and her smile faltered, then dropped. Her gaze became distant for a moment, as if she had traveled in her mind to some other time or place; but at length she nodded.
Nate had the impression he’d just intruded where he was not wanted. There was much Jess was not telling him, but he would not presume to pry based on their very short acquaintance. He didn’t care for others disrespecting his privacy, and he wasn’t going to disrupt her.
He thought the best thing to do would be to change the subject. Baby Gracie’s soft babbling had turned to crying, so he reached into the playpen and plucked her into his arms. She quieted at his touch, but her eyelids were heavy and drooping.
“Gracie needs a nap,” he commented, bouncing the little girl on his shoulder to soothe her as he crooned. “Don’t you, sweetie pie?”
“Looks like,” Jess agreed.
“She won’t go down unless I rock her,” Nate said, nodding his head toward the small living room, where an old wooden rocking chair stood in one corner.
“May I?” Jess asked softly.
“Be my guest.” Nate handed Gracie off to Jess, who seated herself in the rocker and began to hum a quiet lullaby.
Even after a week with the baby, Nate still wasn’t comfortable when Gracie was fussy. He marveled at how quickly Gracie settled down in Jess’s arms. The woman was a natural with children.
He leaned his shoulder on the door frame separating the kitchen from the living area and folded his arms across his chest. There was something just right in the way Jess held the baby, he observed; even Gracie instinctively reacted to it.
Nate smiled at the pretty picture Jess and the baby made. Like a little family, almost. Ezra would have been glad to see it, he thought with a mixture of joyfulness and sorrow.
“You’ll be a wonderful mother to your own child someday,” he murmured.