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About the Author
AMANDA MCCABE wrote her first romance novel at the age of sixteen in algebra class, an epic starring all her friends as characters! That story will never be published (and she nearly failed algebra), but now she’s the RITA®-nominated, award-winning author of many other books and novellas. She lives in Oklahoma with two cats, a pug, and a bossy miniature poodle, and loves dance classes, collecting cheesy travel souvenirs and watching the Food Network—even though she doesn’t cook. Visit her at www.ammandamccabe.com for behind-the-book information, contests and upcoming releases, and at riskyregencies.blogspot.com.
Dear Reader,
I love Christmas! The cool weather, crackling fires in the fireplace, champagne punch, my grandmother’s toffee and sugar cookies, time with family and friends—it’s a beautiful time of year.
It also seems like a wonderful time for romance! I’ve read Regency Christmas stories every year since I was a teenager, and I loved having the chance to set Cassie and David’s story at Christmas—their tale of true love found in unexpected places just seemed perfect for the holiday. Carols, mistletoe, parties, a sleigh ride—what could be better?
Happy holidays …
Amanda McCabe
Chapter One
London, December 1806
“My dear Cassandra. There are so many handsome men here tonight. You must choose one and take him to your bed immediately, before you quite wither away.”
Lady Cassandra Osborne choked on the sip of claret punch she had just swallowed. “Melisande! Someone could hear you,” she protested as she deposited her glass on the tray of one of the footmen circulating through the crowded ballroom. She had been friends with Melisande, the Duchess of Gifford, ever since they were children, and she knew she should be used to the outrageous comments by now. But they still tended to catch her by surprise. Even when she was secretly thinking much the same thing.
“Nonsense. We’re all alone here in our little corner, no one is listening,” Melisande said. “And I have been meaning to talk to you about this for some time now.”
Cassandra laughed. “Talk to me about my habits in the bedchamber?”
“My dear, as far as I know you have no habits in the bedchamber at all, except for sleeping—alone.” Melisande sipped at her own punch as they both studied Lady Clarke’s ballroom. It was the last ball in London before everyone scattered for Christmas, and the vast, gilded space smelled of pine boughs twined with red and white hothouse roses. The wine and punch flowed freely, and the laughter and chatter were growing louder and more merry as the evening went on. Cassandra had sought a quiet corner to take a breath; she hadn’t gone there to be interrogated about her romantic life by her friend.
Or rather her lack of romantic life.
“My life suits me very well,” Cassandra said, half-truthfully. She hoped she sounded more resolute than she felt.
“Nonsense, my dear! How could it?” Melisande scoffed. “Your husband, worthy as he was, has been gone for above a year now. But you still shut yourself away in mourning.”
“I do no such thing. I’m here now, aren’t I?”
“Dressed like someone’s old auntie.” Melisande plucked at the plain cap sleeve of Cassandra’s dark purple silk gown. “You are far too young to do this to yourself, Cassie. Not when there are so many handsome men scattered about.”
Melisande gestured at the ballroom with her glass and Cassandra dutifully studied the crowd. There were handsome men there—Lord Dunphy, Mr. Barrows, the Duke of Wharton. But none of them made her heart beat faster, none of them made her wonder what their lips would feel like on hers, what they looked like under their finely tailored clothes. None of them tempted her.
And she had been secretly looking enough to know.
Cassandra sighed and snapped open her black lace fan to try to create a cool breeze in the stuffy room. “Oh, Mel. I confess I have had such thoughts myself lately.”
“Cassandra! You have?” Melisande gave her a startled glance over the gilded edge of her glass. “Oh, my dear, why didn’t you say anything? I would be happy to help you find just the right person. You deserve a little fun.”
“I doubt there is the right person,” Cassandra murmured. “I haven’t yet found anyone to tempt me.”
Except that one time …
She had been very tempted indeed then. Sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night when she couldn’t sleep, she remembered how that kiss felt. How it awakened dark needs in her she didn’t even know she had, made her long for more and more. Made her want to tear his clothes away and feel the slide of his body over hers, skin against skin, until she didn’t know anything but him.
Cassandra wielded the fan faster in front of her suddenly flushed face. Remembering those feelings did no good at all. The kiss had been over much too quickly, and he had backed away from her with a look of horror in his dark eyes. Since then he had carefully kept his distance, maintained a polite concern that made her want to scream with frustration. He certainly wouldn’t get close enough to her to repeat that little moment of giddy madness.
Melisande was right. She needed to find someone else. But, curse it all, she didn’t want anyone else!
Luckily her friend wasn’t looking at her to see her pink cheeks. Melisande studied the gathering, her eyes narrowed in consideration, as if she was examining horses at Tattersalls. “What about Lord Meredith? He’s a bit talkative for my taste, but he does have those lovely blue eyes. Or Lord Jermaine? Lady Jermaine says he is very well-endowed.”
Cassandra had to laugh. “I don’t think so. Not a married man. And not one who is talkative.”
“Mr. Hatchard? Oh, I know—Lord Phillips! He is so handsome and he seemed to admire you at my dinner party last week.” Melisande sighed when Cassandra shook her head. “My dear, if you are that finicky you will certainly never find a lover. What are you looking for?”
Ian, Cassandra thought sadly. He was what she wanted, ever since that crazy kiss in the garden—no, even before that. But he didn’t want her. To him, she was just his friend Charles’s widow.
“Someone kind, I suppose,” she said. “Someone who will understand that it’s, er, been some time since I had a lover. Someone who is handsome, who can make me laugh. Someone like …”
“Like your husband?”
Cassandra swallowed hard. She hadn’t even been thinking of Charles, her quiet, gentle husband, at all when she considered what she wanted in a new lover. What a terrible wife she was.
But then again, Melisande was right. She had been alone for a long time now, and the memories of Charles that had kept her heart warm for many months were fading. The world was becoming a cold place indeed.
“Yes,” she said. “Someone a bit like Charles, I suppose.”
“Well, my dear, you must forgive me saying so, but what you need in a lover is someone most unlike your husband.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you and your Charles were a comfortable old couple from the moment you married, sitting by the fire reading together all the time. I don’t think I ever saw you flirt and laugh together.”
“There was no need. We were married. We knew each other too well to need to—flirt.”
“That was your mistake, then, Cassie. You were too comfortable. And you were only seventeen when you wed! Too young for such dullness.”
Cassandra shook her head stubbornly, but deep down inside she had traitorous doubts. Was Melisande right? Had she really been so dull all those years? She was only twenty-five now. “I was happy with Charles.”
Melisande gave her a gentle smile. “I know you were. And no one can replace what you had with him. Yet another reason for you to look for someone different now.”
“What do you suggest, then?”
“Someone dashing, of course! Someone who is naughty, and just a bit wicked. No one really cruel or dangerous, certainly, but a man who is a bit of a rogue. Someone who knows what he is about in the bedchamber. There’s no sense in taking on someone staid and dull for your first lover.”
A bit wicked. Cassandra bit her lip as she thought again of Ian and that kiss. Ian and Charles had been friends ever since their days at Eton, even though there were no two men more different. Charles had been quiet and scholarly; many of their evenings really were spent reading by the fire at their home in the country. He was even quietly attentive and efficient in bed, never removing more clothes than was strictly necessary.
Sir Ian Chandler, though, was witty and daring, always laughing, always moving and doing. She’d heard tales of his life of horse racing and gaming, of all the women who fell desperately in love with him, though he never spoke of such things when he came to their house. He would always take her out riding and walking, making her laugh with his tales of Town life while Charles read in his library. Ian was lean and dark, thanks to his Italian mother, and Charles golden-blond as an English spring.
Even after Charles was gone, Ian would visit her, talk to her, read to her, make her laugh even in the midst of her sadness. Sometimes he had been the only bright spot she could look forward to in the day.
Until that kiss. She nodded as she listened to Melisande list the attributes of the men around them, but her mind wandered back to that day when everything changed….
The rain poured down from the sky, sudden and cold, catching them by surprise as they walked in the garden. Cassandra laughed and grabbed Ian’s hand to run back toward the house, but her thin slippers slid on the gravel pathway and she cried out as she felt herself falling. Ian caught her up in his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She could feel the deep echo of his laughter against her, and he ran for the little Grecian temple at the edge of the garden.
Cassandra’s hand slid over his shoulder. How had she never noticed how very hard and strong he was before, his shoulders broad, his chest all lean muscles and shifting power against her body. She had always known he was handsome, of course. She was a woman, after all, and no woman could look at the perfect angles of his chiseled face, his velvet-dark eyes and glossy black hair, and be unmoved. But his body …
She traced her palm over his collarbone and threaded her fingers through the damp, rough-silk strands of his hair as he eased her to her feet on the marble floor. Ian Chandler was a beautiful, beautiful man. And as she looked up into his eyes something caught alight deep inside of her. Something warm and tingling that felt suspiciously like—life.
“Are you all right, Cassie?” he asked.
He started to step back from her, but Cassandra tightened her hand on his neck to hold him with her. She wasn’t sure what had suddenly come over her, she only knew she couldn’t let him go yet.
His eyes narrowed as he stared down at her, and she felt the muscles of his neck grow stiff. She twined her other arm around his shoulders, those shoulders that had born her up for so long in her sadness and that drew her to him now.
“Ian,” she whispered. It was all she could say, his name, but the sound of it seemed to awaken something in him, too. She felt a deep shudder pass through his body.
His hands closed hard around her waist and drew her against him, so close she went up on tiptoe, her soft breasts pressed to his chest.
“Oh, God, Cassie,” he groaned hoarsely. And then his mouth was on hers, hot and hungry.
It was nothing like Charles’s gentle, brief kisses. Ian kissed her like a man starving, his tongue sliding past her lips to tangle with hers, tasting her deeply. She met him eagerly, that flicker of new life inside of her roaring into a consuming flame.
He tasted like tea and mint and rain, of some undefinable, dark something that was only him. She felt dizzy, almost intoxicated as she kissed him back. His hands slid into her hair and he angled her head so his mouth could take hers deeper, and they fit together, their lips and their bodies, as if they were meant to be that way.
Cassandra had never imagined anyone could kiss like that, or that a mere kiss could make her want so much. Need so much. Ian was so very good at that.
It made her wonder what else he was good at. Lost in the blurry haze of passion, her hand slid down his shoulders to tug at his cravat. She wanted to touch him, see him.
But his fingers suddenly closed over hers, hard and unyielding as he stilled her frantic movements. Cassandra heard herself make a frustrated sound, and Ian’s head fell back, his lips torn from hers.
“Cassie, no,” he said hoarsely. “What am I doing?”
It was as if the cold rain poured over her head, drowning out the heat of lust. Cassandra went very still, staring at her hand caught in his, her fingers still tangled in his cravat. She had been trying to undress Ian, her husband’s friend. Her friend. She had never been more shocked at herself.
And yet she couldn’t be sorry. She had wanted Ian so very much. When he touched her, she felt alive again at long last. Alive and happy and free. If acting like a wanton gave her that, she couldn’t be sorry. And it was Ian—gorgeous, sexy, kind-hearted Ian—who gave that to her. No, she couldn’t be sorry, even though she knew she really should.
But Ian looked very sorry indeed. His eyes were so black in his suddenly pale, strained face, his usually laughing, sensual mouth drawn into a taut line. His hair was tousled over his brow from the touch of her fingers. Instinctively, she reached up to smooth it, but he stepped back from her.
Her hands fell to her sides, and she felt achingly hollow inside. The cold dampness of the rain she hadn’t sensed before at all crept over her, and she wrapped her arms around her waist.
“I’m so sorry, Cassie,” he said, and she hardly recognized his voice it was so rough. “I don’t know what came over me. I promise, it won’t happen again.”
But she wanted it to happen again! She almost cried the words aloud, but her voice strangled in her throat when she saw his face. It had gone as hard and still as one of the marble statues in the garden, his eyes a cold blank as if he had retreated behind them somewhere she couldn’t follow.
And in that moment she was finally sorry for what had happened, because it seemed to have cost her Ian.
Cassandra took a deep sip of her punch as she shook away the heavy memory of that rainy day and studied the noisy ballroom around her. She hadn’t seen Ian since that day. He had sent her a letter from Bath, where he said he had gone to visit his sister, and she had come to London to try to distract herself. It hadn’t really worked, though. She still thought of Ian far too often. Especially now that Christmas was near, the family warmth of the holiday preparations reminding her that she was alone.
“Won’t you, Cassie?” Melisande said, the words breaking through Cassandra’s memories.
“I beg your pardon, Mel?” Cassandra said. She left her empty glass on a footman’s tray and claimed a full one.
“I was merely saying you will be at my house party for Christmas, won’t you? It should be quite a merry time.”
A loud, wild party? Cassandra wasn’t entirely sure she could face one of Melisande’s famously raucous gatherings just yet. “I’m not sure …”
“My dear, I won’t let you say no! London will be an utter wasteland after this week, and I refuse to let you stay here alone for Christmas. You need some fun.” Melisande gave her a sly smile over the edge of her fan. “Besides, Lord Phillips will be there. He’s been asking me about you, and you did say you liked him.”
“Lord Phillips?” Cassandra felt a tiny spark of interest. She had danced with him once or twice since she came to Town, played cards with him at an assembly, sat next to him at Melisande’s last dinner party. He was an amusing conversationalist, and a handsome man with dark auburn hair and a horseman’s lean body. He had made her laugh, and was a good dancer besides.
But, a tiny voice whispered inside of her, he isn’t Ian.
Cassandra pushed away that voice. Lord Phillips was an attractive man who seemed interested in her, while it was all too clear that Ian was not interested at all. She needed to move forward with her life.
“Yes,” Melisande said. “He was most eager to accept my invitation when I promised you would be there. You can’t let me down now, Cassie.”
“Then I will be there,” Cassandra answered. “I always did love a country Christmas.”
“Wonderful! Now, my dear, you will leave off the widow’s weeds for the party, won’t you? Bring some pretty clothes?”
Cassandra opened her mouth to answer that widow’s weeds were the only clothes she had, when the ballroom doors opened and a latecomer appeared.
The gilded double doors were at the top of a short set of marble steps, giving Cassandra a good view of any arrivals over everyone’s heads. She almost choked when she saw who stood there now.
Ian. Looking even more handsome than the last time she saw him, with his black hair brushed back from his face and his body draped in perfectly cut evening clothes. His stark white cravat made his smooth olive skin appear even darker, with the amber lamplight gilding him to a burnished gold like some ancient, pagan god.
His expression was solemn as his gaze swept the ballroom. Cassandra fought the temptation to shrink back into the shadows and hide from him. She forced her shoulders to straighten and her face to stay still and impassive.
His gaze slid over her, then came back. His eyes widened for an instant, and then he was back to that cool lack of expression that she hated. He gave her a polite nod, and turned away to speak to the lady who stood beside him.
Cassandra felt a flash of something she had never felt before—jealousy. She knew he was a rogue, that he had many lady friends, but still the feeling was there. But then she saw that the woman was his sister, Mrs. Leonard, whom he had gone to visit in Bath. For a moment their two dark heads bent together in conversation, and then they vanished into the crowd.
Cassandra relaxed just a bit. Now all she had to do was avoid him for the rest of the evening….
She was there. Cassandra.
Sir Ian Chandler managed to greet his friends, talking and laughing as he drank a glass of wine and studied the dancers, but the only thing in his mind, in his senses, was Cassie. She had disappeared into the swirling crowd, but he knew she was there. He forced down the raw urge to push through all the knots of people between them and grab her in his arms.
He hadn’t seen her since that day they got caught in the rain and he gave in to the wild urge to kiss her. That need had plagued him for so long, driven hotter by the smell of her lilac perfume, her smiles, the touch of her hand on his. Every time he saw her that need grew, made him more insane.
Cassie was his friend, his oldest friend’s widow. She relied on him, and he relied on those days when they were together, walking in the gardens, reading together, playing duets at the pianoforte. She was a wonderful, serene oasis in his rakish life, a place of light and sweetness he had come to crave. He had plenty of women eager to come to his bed; Cassie was different, apart from all of that. He shouldn’t want her that way.
But he did want her. So very much. Especially after that taste of her.
Afraid he had disgusted her, frightened her, he decided the best thing to do was to leave her alone for a time. So he took himself off to Bath, putting up with his sister’s matchmaking efforts, dancing at the assembly rooms, playing cards, drinking the foul water, trying to forget Cassandra. Yet she was still there—especially in his erotic dreams at night, when his sweet, dear friend was not so sweet at all.
“Hello, Ian,” he heard her say softly behind him.
For an instant he thought her voice was just another dream, but then her hand touched his sleeve. Even through the superfine fabric and the kid of her glove he could feel the warmth of her skin.
Don’t be such a fool, he thought harshly. This is just Cassandra—your friend. Charlie’s widow.
And the woman he wanted to be so much more than that.
He turned and made himself smile at her, gently, affably. He couldn’t frighten her with the lustful turmoil that twisted inside of him. “Cassandra. You look lovely tonight.” And she did. Even in her subdued purple gown, with her dark hair drawn back in a simple knot, she outshone everyone else in the ballroom.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” she said with a tentative smile. “How have you been?”
“Very well. Bath is very—wholesome.”
Her smile widened. “That must have been a nightmare for you, then. You’re probably glad to be back in London.”
He was glad, since it meant he could see her again. He studied her carefully, the slight blush in her pale cheeks, the wary light in her gray eyes. Did she remember that kiss? Did she hate him for it?
His heart ached to think she could hate him. Yet she still smiled at him, and she didn’t move away from him.
“I won’t be in London for long, I fear,” he said.
“Oh? Are you spending Christmas with your sister’s family?” she asked.
A hand traced over Ian’s, quick, insistent. He turned to see Melisande, Duchess of Gifford, smiling up at him slyly. “My dear, he is coming to my house party for Christmas,” she said. “Aren’t you, Sir Ian? You have already accepted, so you can’t say no now.”
Ian’s eyes narrowed as he studied Melisande. They had been friends for a long time, often seeing each other at risqué house parties in the past, though she had never been his lover. She smiled at him now like the cat who got into the cream.
And he had said he would go to her Christmas party, blast it. It had seemed like a good place to get on with the business of forgetting Cassandra.