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“Do you really want me to spend time with Ruby? Or do you feel cornered into it?”
“I want Ruby to trust other people. I mean, she’ll be going to school soon, and I don’t want her scared of her teachers. Would it be easier on me if someone else was her mentor? Yeah. But I’m grateful you’re willing to try. She needs more than I alone can give her.”
So having a different mentor would be easier on him, huh? She bit back a nasty retort. The insecurity in his eyes pacified her irritation. Her decision wasn’t about Nash anyway. It was about trusting God even when the circumstances didn’t make sense. She’d always wondered if she would step up and take care of an enemy if put into the position of being a Good Samaritan.
She’d regret it if she didn’t at least try to help Ruby.
“Then, yes, let’s see how the visits go, and I’ll give you a firm answer next week.”
* * *
“Wade’s delivering my horses soon.” Nash sat in a white rocking chair on his front porch Tuesday afternoon. Clint Romine, one of his best friends, sat next to him in an identical chair. Ruby was picking pasqueflowers from the yard. He still had a little time before he had to take her to Amy’s place. He had no idea how their meeting would go, but he feared the worst. Those early visits with her at the foster home had been terrible. But maybe Ruby was in a better mental place now. He hoped so.
“How long has it been since you’ve ridden Crank?”
“Four months. I’m itching to saddle up. Could ride for days, I think, and I’d still feel as restless as a mountain lion.”
“You’ve been traveling the circuit since we graduated high school. Of course you’re restless.” Clint lived outside of Sweet Dreams with his pretty new bride, Lexi, who happened to be Amy’s best friend. Another complication Nash didn’t know how to handle. Would his move back to Sweet Dreams be awkward for Clint and Lexi, given how he’d treated Amy years ago? He’d worry about it another day.
Nash sighed. “I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do now that I’m here.”
Clint stared ahead, slowly rocking. How could he sit there so calmly? Nash was about to bust out of his rocker. He didn’t care if the decorator claimed the chairs cozied up the porch; they made him feel like a grandpa. A sprint up the drive would go a long way to helping him let off some steam. But the sad truth was he couldn’t sprint if he tried. His body had been so beaten up and battered that he had trouble even jogging.
“Thinking about ranching?” Clint asked.
“No.”
“Breeding horses? Wade could help with that.”
“Maybe.” He stood and paced the porch, his movements choppy. “I’ve been thinking about something different. I’m not sure it would work.”
“What’s that?”
He stopped at the column nearest Clint and leaned against the railing. “I might open a training facility. For young bull riders.”
Clint considered it a moment. “I could see it.”
“But I don’t have the experience to teach kids.”
“What are you talking about?” Clint laughed. “You have more experience in your pinky finger than anyone I know.”
“Yeah, but that’s riding bulls. Not teaching kids to ride them.”
“You’d be great. What would you need?”
“Steers. Bulls. A practice arena. Chutes. Equipment. Insurance—a lot of insurance.”
“There you go.”
“But knowing what I’ve been through, do I want to encourage kids to follow in my footsteps? You know the injuries I’ve sustained. And I was fortunate.”
“It’s a dilemma, that’s for sure. I guess you’ll have to pray on it.”
Last year, Clint’s response about praying on it would have annoyed Nash. But after he’d had a string of bad rides and broken his ankle and ribs for the umpteenth time, he’d spent a few months at Wade’s secluded ranch—a thirty-minute drive from Sweet Dreams—and gotten right with his Maker. He prayed about everything now.
“Will you pray about it, too, brother?” Nash asked.
“Of course.” Clint rose, nodding toward Ruby. “How’s she doing?”
“Better than I expected. When I first met her, she was so skinny her bones pushed against her skin. She was terrified. Skittish.” He shivered thinking about her back then. “I’m really sorry I missed your wedding, man. I never would have—”
“Don’t say a word, Nash.” Clint shook his head. “I understand. I would have been furious if you’d have come to the wedding when you found out about Ruby. She needed you.”
Ruby approached, eyeing Clint with distrust and avoiding him. She thrust a bouquet of purple blooms in Nash’s hands.
“For me? Well, RuRu, these are the purdiest flowers I’ve ever seen. Thank you kindly.” He winked at her. “And don’t worry about Clint here. He’s one of my best buds. We lived together when we were teens. You’ll meet my other friends, Wade and Marshall, soon enough.”
Ruby hid behind his leg. He knew her well enough to assume her gaze was fixed on Clint.
“I’ve got to be going.” Clint tipped his Stetson to Ruby. “Good to meet you. Maybe your dad will bring you out to the ranch sometime. We have lots of horses and cows and dogs. You like dogs?”
No answer. Thankfully, Clint didn’t seem to need one.
“Thanks for coming.” Nash clapped him on the back. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“Bye.” Clint waved and ambled to his truck.
“Well, what do you say we get these in some water before we head over to Miss Amy’s?” Her eyes had questions—a lot of questions—but he couldn’t read her mind. “What’s wrong? You’re worried about something. I can tell.”
He opened the door for her, and they went to the kitchen, putting the flowers in a mason jar with water.
“You a little scared of her?” He boosted her to sit on the counter.
“No.”
“What is it? You can tell me anything.”
“How long do I have to stay?”
He smiled at her lisp whenever she said her s’s.
“You don’t have to stay at all. But if you want to, you’ll be there for one hour. And I’ll be three stores down, slurping coffee. You and Amy can join me if you want, but I’d like for you to give her place a try without me first.”
She gulped, her eyes wide and fearful. “One hour? How much is that?”
He almost laughed. He’d forgotten that little kids didn’t have a strong sense of time. He pointed to his watch. “When this small hand goes all the way around once, an hour has passed. Maybe you need a watch of your own. We can order one for you. But right now, we’ve got to skedaddle if we want to be on time.”
He picked her up, grabbed his keys and carried her to the garage. After strapping her into her car seat, he backed out and drove toward town. Despite the assurances he’d given Ruby, he had a bad feeling about this visit. Ruby already seemed fearful. What if she made a scene at Amy’s? If she did, he wouldn’t be able to leave her there, and then Amy would back out.
If Ruby was upset about staying with Amy, he wouldn’t force the issue. The kid had been through enough. He just hoped his uneasiness didn’t mean his fears were about to come true.
Chapter Three
Amy hummed as she fluffed the throw pillows on her couch. Ruby would be here any minute. She rushed to the other side of the open living space where she kept her private sewing and art studio. If she wasn’t cutting material, quilting or making patterns for her weekly blog, she was drawing designs for her own fabric line. Well, hopefully, her own fabric line. She should be hearing back from the fabric manufacturers within a few weeks. How many years had she dreamed of stocking the designs she’d drawn? She shook her head. None of that mattered right now. Her sole goal today was to make Ruby comfortable.
A knock on the door made her pause. Lord, please give me the wisdom to help her. She’d show Nash his fears about leaving Ruby were off base. She’d been around young children her entire life. She knew what little girls enjoyed. It would just take a while for Ruby to get used to her. No big deal.
She opened the door. Nash held Ruby in his arms. Oh, my. He looked every bit the cowboy she remembered in his hat, jeans, jacket and boots.
“Come in. I’m so glad to see you again, Ruby. Let me take your sweatshirt.” She waited while Nash helped Ruby out of her pink hoodie. “I’ll show you around my place.”
After hanging the hoodie on a hook near the door, Amy veered left to the open studio. She stopped next to the floor-to-ceiling shelves, which held fabrics in a rainbow of colors. In the center of the space, Ruby clutched Nash’s hand.
“You did all this?” Nash let out a low whistle. “Everything is so organized. You actually make all those quilts you sell?”
“Most of them. I consign a few local artists’ quilts, too.” She shouldn’t be so pleased at his reaction. He seemed to fill the room with his charismatic energy. He used to draw her like iron to a magnet. She gestured to the rack holding her latest creation. “I’m trying a new pattern.”
He and Ruby inspected the rust, cream and navy design. “Patriotic. I like it. Reminds me of the Fourth of July.”
“I’m hoping to finish it in June. Red, white and blue quilts always sell well in the summer.”
“Speaking of this time of year...” He looked down at Ruby. “Pretty soon you and I will be watching rodeos on Friday nights. Sounds fun, huh?”
Her eyes gleamed almost aqua as she nodded up at him. The sight touched Amy.
“I can’t wait for cotton candy and barbecues.” He rubbed his stomach. “Mmm-mmm. Makes me hungry just thinking about it. In fact, I’d better get something in my tummy before it growls and scares the neighbors. I’ll be heading over to The Beanery. Text me if you need me.”
He kissed the top of Ruby’s head. Then he nodded to Amy. “I’ll be back in an hour. You girls have fun.”
As soon as the door clicked behind him, Amy let out a sigh of relief. She couldn’t help it. The room felt more spacious, less combustible without him there. She brought her palms together and turned her attention to Ruby.
“I have a ton of markers. Why don’t we color?”
Ruby gazed intently at the door, her face white as a fresh snowfall.
“He’ll be back before you know it.” Amy tried to reassure her by gently taking her hand, but Ruby yanked it out of her grasp. Her lips trembled, grew blue around the edges. Tremors shook her shoulders. The poor thing was petrified!
Amy knelt beside her. “Ruby, what’s wrong? It’s okay. You’re safe with me.”
Her eyes were so wide, so fixed on the door. Amy clearly wasn’t getting through to her. What should she do? The way Ruby had flinched at her touch, Amy didn’t want to scare her further, but she had to divert her attention away from the door.
Why was she so upset? Nash told her he’d be back in an hour. The child knew he was going down the street to the coffee shop.
Amy stood up, raising her face to the ceiling. What now? Whatever was going through Ruby’s mind was so frightening, she couldn’t move.
“Honey, why don’t we go get a hot chocolate with your dad?”
Ruby blinked, shivering. Then she looked away from the door at Amy. Tears began to drip from her eyes to her cheeks. She didn’t say anything. Simply nodded.
Amy tried not to let her disappointment show as she helped Ruby into her hoodie. Whatever had happened to this girl in the past had clearly traumatized her. Nash had mentioned neglect and malnourishment, and Amy had brushed over those words as if they hadn’t mattered. She should have paid more attention. She’d been so caught up in her own past she hadn’t asked the necessary questions.
The psychological damage must have cut deep. Was Amy qualified for this?
She led Ruby to the staircase. “Hold my hand, okay?”
Ruby tucked her tiny hand in Amy’s. The gesture pinched her heart. If only she could help this girl. She needed more information. And that meant, as much as she didn’t want to, she’d have to find a way to meet privately with Nash.
* * *
The coffee was perfect—strong with a kick to it. Same as he liked his bulls. He grinned at his own inside joke. The Beanery was quiet. He hadn’t been in here before. Looked new, rustic. Smelled great, too. He took a drink. Leaving Ruby hadn’t been too bad. She hadn’t thrown a fit or anything. So why couldn’t he dismiss the nagging worry in his brain?
He smacked his forehead. He hadn’t stopped to ask Ruby if she wanted to stay. He’d just left.
He should have asked her. Why hadn’t he thought to ask her? His knee was bouncing triple time. Get yourself together, man.
He checked his watch. He’d been gone seven minutes. Fifty-three minutes to go. It was times like these that made him wish he was a reader. A book would help pass the time.
The door clanged open, and Ruby raced to him, her face beaming. A lead weight dropped in his gut. If they were here and it had only been seven minutes, the visit couldn’t have gone well.
He swung her onto his lap and gave her a big smile. She didn’t need to know his emotions were churning. “To what do I owe this pleasure? I thought I was picking you up in an hour.” He noted the tear stains down her cheeks and fought back a groan. “You were worried I’d be lonely, weren’t you? That’s awfully nice of you to be thinking of me.”
She rested her cheek against his chest, and he brushed her hair from her face, holding her tightly. Amy stood behind the chair across the table. He mouthed, “What happened?”
She shook her head quickly and mouthed, “Later.”
“Can I get you a hot chocolate, Ruby?” Amy asked. “With whipped cream?”
Ruby nodded. If she wasn’t so fragile, he’d remind her of her manners. But right now please and thank you were the least of his worries. If he couldn’t leave her with Amy for ten minutes, would he ever be able to leave her anywhere?
A vision came to mind of kindergarten in another year, and instead of Ruby waving happily as she walked into school with a backpack and a lunchbox, he saw her trembling, crying, unable to enter. Some of the bull riders’ wives homeschooled their little ones. Would he be forced to do the same?
Homeschooling?
Him?
The coffee threatened to come up. He didn’t think he had it in him to homeschool. Maybe he should call the therapist.
“Here you go.” Amy beamed at Ruby as she set the cup down. Nash could see the worry in her exquisite brown eyes. And he recognized her tic from all those years ago—she rubbed her index finger and thumb together whenever she was out of her element. For a second he felt sorry for her. Wanted to make it better, like old times.
Old times. The best days of his life. Even better than winning his first Professional Bull Riders World Championship at the age of twenty-three. Every minute with Amy had been like a dream.
Ruby reached for the cup and licked the whipped cream.
Amy smiled, scrunching her nose at the girl. He had to avert his gaze at all the affection in her expression. He used to be the recipient of it. The past ten years suddenly felt bleaker than he remembered them.
“I was wondering,” Amy said, tracing the rim of her mug, “would you two mind if I came over later? I’ve never seen your house.” She gave Nash a charged look, and he instantly understood. They needed to talk but not with Ruby around. And the only place they could reasonably expect privacy was in Ruby’s domain.
“Sure.” He knew she was going to back out of their arrangement, and he didn’t blame her. He suppressed a sigh. “How about seven-thirty?”
“Great.” She sipped her cocoa. “How is it, Ruby? Chocolaty enough?”
“Mmm.” She sat on his lap, happily slurping her cocoa. He had to hand it to the kid—she bounced back quickly. His spirits sank, realizing how much hope he’d put into Ruby spending time with a woman. Would take some of the pressure off him. Not to mention, he hadn’t had more than a minute to himself while Ruby was awake since the day he took custody. If she couldn’t handle being with someone as nice as Amy for short periods, what chance did he have at giving her a normal childhood?
Amy began talking about the daily coffee flavors, and they chatted about other changes in the town. Anyone who walked by would think they were having a pleasant visit. A couple of old friends catching up. And he was glad she could be civil, even if they’d never be friends.
By the time they’d all finished their drinks, he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t begged for anything since he was a small boy, but thinking about Ruby’s future made him desperate enough to contemplate begging Amy to reconsider.
He just wished he had another choice.
* * *
“She’s out.”
Amy waited for Nash to join her at his kitchen island. She’d arrived an hour ago, and she’d tried to engage Ruby by asking her about the toys in the living room, but Ruby hadn’t seemed interested in them. Only when Nash had suggested watching a Disney movie had Ruby’s face lit up. Thankfully, she’d fallen asleep halfway through Frozen. Not that Amy had anything against that particular cartoon; it was just hard to be in a family-type environment with Nash, especially given what she needed to ask him.
She needed the full story of Ruby’s past.
Her mind had been so preoccupied, she hadn’t had time to truly process his gorgeous house or the fact it was exactly the type of home she used to dream about, back when she still had hopes of getting married and having kids of her own. She’d thought she’d be raising a family in a place like this with property not too far from town. She’d thought wrong.
“Are you sure she won’t wake up?” She didn’t want Ruby to stumble in on them discussing her.
“I don’t think she will. She woke up briefly when I pulled the bedspread over her, but I stayed until she fell asleep again.”
One look at his face and all the questions she’d rehearsed earlier vanished. His eyes always changed to gray when he turned melancholy. Seeing the slate shade brought a ping of sadness to her heart. She’d always done her best to soothe his blue moods. But that was then and a lot of life had happened since he’d left. He would have to deal with his moods himself.
“I take it she fell apart when I left her at your apartment earlier.”
“I wouldn’t say she fell apart.” Sitting on a stool, she folded her hands on the counter. “It was actually worse than falling apart. I don’t know how to describe it except she almost seemed catatonic. It scared me. I didn’t know what to do. She was terrified. Couldn’t stop staring at the door after you left. Her face turned white. She trembled. When I suggested meeting you at the coffee shop, she finally snapped out of it.”
He frowned. “What did she do then?”
“Tears started falling, but she listened to me and held my hand all the way to The Beanery.”
He drummed his fingers on the counter. “Makes sense in a way.”
“It doesn’t to me, and that’s why I’m here.” She raised her chin. “I need to know more about her childhood.”
Fear flashed in his eyes.
“I need to know it all.” Amy wasn’t backing down on this. Either she had all the facts to come up with a realistic way forward to spend time with Ruby, or she had to walk away.
“You’re not going to like it.”
“I’m well aware of that.”
“This needs to stay confidential. I want her to have no baggage in this town. I don’t care who knows I’m really her brother raising her as my daughter, but no one needs to know the horror this kid’s been through.”
“Agreed. You have my word I will not tell anyone the details you share.”
“I’ve told you about our mother.” He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning forward. “She went through cycles of heavy drug use and court-mandated rehab. When she was using, she’d do anything—and I mean anything—to get money for her fix. Prostitution. Theft. You name it. She had no sense of time, no sense of reality. Since Ruby had no father or siblings living with her, the poor kid had to rely on herself when our mother was higher than a kite. Inevitably, our mother would get picked up by the cops and thrown in jail for whatever she was guilty of, and while she served time, Ruby would be placed in foster care. But our mother would get out and she’d be clean, so she’d get custody again until the cycle repeated.”
“How often did this happen?” Amy’s mind was spinning from the scenario. She pictured Ruby small, hungry, scared. She also pictured an unstable drug addict not taking care of the girl.
“Too often.”
What did that mean? Every two months? Once a year? She sighed. It didn’t really matter. “So walk me through the things she had to endure.”
“Being left alone in a filthy apartment with limited food. Could have been a couple hours. Sometimes, I’m sure it was days.”
“Days? But she was practically a baby!” Amy brought her hand to her chest. Horrible. “She needed a babysitter. No young child should be left alone in a house for any length of time.”
“Trust me. I know.” He exhaled loudly. “Then there was the fact our mother used around her. Ruby grew up around drug paraphernalia. I guarantee Ruby witnessed her shooting up. I’m sure there was emotional abuse, as well.”
Tears threatened at the thought of sweet Ruby going through all that.
“And this went on her entire life?” Amy sniffed.
“Yes. Up until mid-December at least.”
“If her case workers knew all this, why did they ever let her return to her mother?” The injustice of it made her want to wring someone’s neck.
“They want to keep families together, and they didn’t know all of it.”
If they hadn’t known all of it, and he hadn’t seen his mother in a decade... “How do you know this is what happened?”
He bowed his head briefly before meeting her eyes. “From experience.”
It took a few seconds to register, but when it did... She shook her head slightly, her gaze still locked with his. “I see.”
And she did. These new facts sliced open her heart. She’d thought she’d known Nash when they’d dated. She’d always sensed the pain under his easy smile. Understood there were things so awful from his past he might not ever be able to share them. But she hadn’t known this.
“You could have told me,” she said softly. “You know, back then.”
He looked away.
Apparently, he disagreed. She straightened, forcing herself to get her head back to the here and now, not stuck in the way back when.
“Now that I know more about her past, I think she’s terrified of you leaving her.” The more Amy thought about it, the more obvious it became. “She is much more comfortable with me when you’re in the room. But the instant you left today—well, I think she has no idea if she’ll be left by herself, dragged to another home or if she’ll ever see you again. How long have you had custody?”
“A little over a week. But I’ve spent time with her almost every day since December.”
Amy sagged on the stool. She hadn’t realized... No wonder Ruby was so scared. Amy never should have pushed for her own agenda, having Ruby come to her apartment without Nash.
“Well, spending time alone isn’t going to work until it sinks in you will always come back for her.”
“You’re right.” He stretched his head back. “Listen, there are a few other things you should know.”
She braced herself.
“Since she never knew when she’d have food, she hoards it. I find all kinds of snacks in her bedroom. Sometimes under her pillow or stuck in a shoe. And if she wakes up and I’m not around, she screams. Loud. I bought walkie-talkies so I can go outside if she naps, which she doesn’t do very often.”
“That breaks my heart.”
“Mine, too.” He tapped the table, raw honesty pouring from his expression. Then he pointed to the living room. “I bought her all those toys, but she won’t play with them. Barely looks at them.”
“I noticed the same earlier.”
“The therapist told me this is common in severely neglected kids.”
“Will she overcome any of this?” Amy held her breath. Please let him say yes.