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She sounded almost hopeful, but that didn’t make any sense. Neither did asking something so personal in such a public setting. Thankfully no one was standing close enough to overhear them.
The last thing Travis wanted was to get gossip started. Mary Karen had already endured more than her share. When she’d walked down the aisle six months pregnant with twins, the tongues had started wagging. It had started up again when her jerk of a husband walked out on her when she was pregnant with Logan. The spunky blonde had kept her chin up, but he knew the gossip had stung.
If news about what had happened in Las Vegas got out, M.K. would once again be hurt. But he wouldn’t let that happen. He would protect his friend—and her reputation—at all costs.
“You were, weren’t you?” Kate pressed. Then her eyes widened. “Don’t tell me you two are still dating?”
“Any questions having to do with her are off-limits.” His tone made it clear the subject was closed. Still, as they strolled back toward the party, Kate continued to push the issue until he found himself holding on to his temper with both hands.
“You know Kate, it’s been a long day.” He stopped short of the crowd. “I’m ready to call it a night.”
The brunette blinked as if she’d heard the words but they didn’t compute. “It’s your party. And it’s not even ten o’clock.”
“David and July will understand.” The words came out more clipped than he’d intended, but Travis wasn’t about to apologize.
Her gaze searched his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Travis.” Kate placed a hand on his arm, two bright spots of pink dotting her cheeks. “Consider me properly chastised. Your relationship with Mary Karen Vaughn is absolutely your business, and none of mine.”
The apology brought Kate back up in his estimation but didn’t change his mind. Blame it on jet lag and a late night at the hospital, but the party had lost its appeal. He headed across the lawn to where July and David stood, Kate tagging along. By the time he made the rounds and said his goodbyes, the lights were on in the yard and Mary Karen and Joel were nowhere in sight.
Travis briefly considered asking Kate if she’d seen them leave but thought better of it. He kept the conversation on hospital matters until they reached the sidewalk. Kate surprised him by hailing one of her partners who lived in her neighborhood and securing a ride home.
“I can take you,” he protested, though perhaps not as strongly as he could have.
She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll see you around.”
Although Travis was relieved to watch her go, he insisted on opening her car door, then waited at the curb until the SUV disappeared from sight.
For a second he thought about returning to David’s backyard to see if Mary Karen had reappeared. But the way his evening was going, even if he did find her there’d be no opportunity for them to talk privately. Besides, he was tired. Exhausted. Bone-weary.
After chatting for a few minutes with a couple nurses who’d stopped by specifically to give him a welcome-back hug, Travis headed down the sidewalk. The curb out front had been lined with cars when he’d arrived so he’d been forced to park his new car on a nearby street.
The approaching darkness shrouded the vehicle in shadows but as he drew close, the remaining light allowed him to see that someone sat inside.
Not just anyone …
Adrenaline surged. In several long strides he covered the distance to his red BMW convertible. He jerked open the door and slid behind the wheel. “Hey, stranger. I was looking for you.”
“I didn’t know you bought a new car,” Mary Karen said. “Not until David told me.”
“It came in right before I left for Cameroon.” He gestured with one hand to the luxurious interior. “What do you think?”
“I saw Kate get into Duane’s car.” She leaned over and straightened the collar of his shirt in a gesture that seemed … wifely. She patted his chest then sat back. “I take it you struck out.”
For a moment he thought he’d heard wrong, or that she was teasing … until he noticed her expression. “C’mon. You know me better than that.”
“We’re only married on paper.”
M.K. seemed so tight tonight. But he knew just how to loosen her up. Travis reached over and took her hand, his thumb caressing her palm. “Remember what happened that night, when we returned to the hotel?”
“Umm.” She noisily cleared her throat and pulled her hand away. “Yes, there was … that.”
“That.” Travis trailed a finger up her bare arm. “Was fantastic.”
He started humming a few bars of “All Night Long.”
“Let me give you a tip.” While he was still humming, Mary Karen leaned close so that her lips touched his ear. “Bringing a date to the party then talking dirty to me is not a way to score points.”
The tune died in his throat. Was she serious? Travis straightened, his gaze searching hers. It appeared he had some explaining to do. “Kate wasn’t my date, M.K. She lives near me and asked if I’d give her a ride. That’s it. Nothing more.”
Mary Karen crossed her arms, clearly not convinced. “It looked like a little more than that to me.”
“Then you need glasses.” His attempt to lighten the mood fell flat. “She’s only a friend.”
Mary Karen lifted a brow. “A friend with benefits?”
“Without,” he snapped. “I’m not sleeping with her, M.K. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I’m not sure I believe you.” Mary Karen held his gaze and flipped a strand of long blond hair over her shoulder. “Joel said you’d been dating Kate before you left for Cameroon and—”
“Joel Dennes needs to get his facts straight.” Travis spoke between gritted teeth. “Kate and I went out for drinks a couple times with a group from the hospital. That’s the extent of our ‘dating.’“
“You brought her to the party,” M.K. pointed out. “You never bring girlfriends to these types of gatherings. What am I to assume except … she must be special.”
Travis had never seen this side of Mary Karen. It was almost as if she were jealous. But that didn’t make sense. He opened his mouth to tell her it wasn’t any of her business—in a nice way, of course—when he realized with a jolt that it was her business. Just like he hadn’t liked seeing her with Joel, she hadn’t liked seeing him with Kate.
She was his wife.
He was her husband.
The second they’d signed that marriage license, the rules had changed. Which meant he owed her more of an explanation. And, an apology.
“I ran into Kate at the hospital last night,” he said. “David had invited her to the party and she asked me to pick her up. I should have said no.”
“Hmm.” Mary Karen brought a finger to her lips. “You had time to talk to Kate about the party, yet you didn’t have time to call and let me know you’d gotten back safely.”
Instead of being angry for being called onto the carpet once again, Travis found himself admiring Mary Karen’s spunk.
“You’re absolutely right,” he said. “I should have called.”
Surprise flitted across her face as if his response had taken her by surprise. “Y-yes,” she stammered. “You should have.”
“Do I need to grovel?” It was an old joke between them. Some offenses required not just an apology, but some serious groveling.
A smile tugged at her lips before she brought her mouth under control. She pretended to think for a moment, then nodded. “Because of the multiple infractions, groveling will be required.”
Thankfully he was in the car. If it were anywhere else, she’d probably have made him get down on his knees. He clasped her left hand between his. “I’m sorry, M.K. I really am. I’m a thoughtless, despicable ass. If you forgive me, I swear the next time you make your tofu pizza, I’ll eat it and you won’t hear a word of complaint. That’s how truly sorry I am.”
She pretended to ponder his words but her smile reappeared.
“Apology accepted,” she said with a decisive nod. “And I’ll hold you to that tofu pizza promise. Don’t think I won’t.”
“I missed you. As the words left his lips he realized they were true. “Did you miss me?”
Mary Karen lifted a shoulder in an exaggerated shrug. “I may have thought about you once or twice.”
“Brat.” Relief washed over him. He smiled then reached for her. Before she could protest and pull away, he pressed his mouth to hers.
Surprise was on his side. She instantly softened against him. Her fingers slid through his hair as they continued to kiss, long passionate kisses that sent fire coursing through his body. Then, abruptly, just as his hand slid beneath her shirt, she pulled away and glanced around.
“Discretion, Trav,” she said, sounding breathless, her lips swollen from his kisses, her hair tousled.
Travis groaned. Discretion had been their byword since they’d started their friends-with-benefits relationship three years ago. The rules were simple. No hugs or kisses where they could be seen by others. Other than last year’s Christmas party where a plethora of mistletoe had caused things to get a bit out of control, they’d stuck to those rules.
“You’re no fun,” he grumbled.
The rarely seen dimple in her left cheek flashed. “That’s what my boys tell me.”
“If you insist on privacy …” Travis slid the key into the ignition and the engine purred.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Someplace private,” he said. “Where we can talk and not be disturbed. Is that okay with you?”
She thought for a moment, her eyes dark and unreadable in the dim light. Then she nodded. “We do need to talk.”
Conversation wasn’t exactly what Travis had in mind. He wanted to hold her close, feel her body respond to his, reassure himself that their temporary marriage hadn’t changed things between them. But if she wanted to talk, they would talk.
She reached forward, switching radio stations. He wasn’t surprised when she stopped the search when she got to a country one. He knew her tastes as well as he knew his own.
Travis put the car in gear but didn’t hit the gas. Instead he let his gaze linger, watching the way the light from the moon caught the golden blond of her hair. Pretty, intelligent and with a heart as big as the Wyoming sky. No wonder no other woman held a candle to her.
The strains of a steel guitar filled the cab and she sat back with a satisfied sound. Travis pulled away from the curb and relaxed fully for the first time since he’d left for Cameroon.
He turned onto US 26, passing the four antler arches in the town square. Surprisingly, for someone who’d wanted to talk, M.K. didn’t seem to have much to say. So Travis picked up the ball and ran with it, just like he had in high school when he’d been the running back and had taken a handoff from David.
Travis told Mary Karen about the baby he’d delivered last night, how concerned he’d been when he’d first arrived at the hospital, his relief when all went well. Once he turned onto the highway the talk shifted to Cameroon and his time in the East Region.
He could still see the men grilling fish and soya and brochette over homemade barrel grills at the side of the roads. Then, the talk turned professional. As a nurse, Mary Karen could appreciate the challenges of providing medical care in hospitals without running water.
She listened attentively, occasionally making encouraging noises.
“I’m never going to complain about anything again,” he vowed, turning off the highway onto a side road. “We have so much here, so much to be thankful for.”
“I’d thought about going into the Peace Corps when I got out of college.” Mary Karen’s eyes took on a faraway look. “As a nurse, I knew I could be of real help to those less fortunate.”
Peace Corps? Mary Karen? He’d dated her when she’d been in college. She’d been the pretty sorority girl who always had a smile on her face. This volunteer thing was news to him. “Why didn’t you do it?”
The smile on her lips vanished. “C’mon, Trav. You know why.”
Then he remembered. Her senior year she’d begun dating Steven, a man without an altruistic bone in his body. By the time she’d graduated with her Bachelor of Science in Nursing, she’d been five months pregnant.
Travis pulled off the highway onto a rarely used dirt road and parked the convertible.
“You never told me about the Peace Corps thing.” For some reason not knowing bothered him. They were friends. He knew what radio stations she liked. He knew her favorite flavor of ice cream. Shouldn’t he also have known she’d once considered going into the Peace Corps?
He motioned her closer. When she leaned in, he slipped an arm around her shoulder and nuzzled her hair. The familiar scent of strawberries teased his nostrils. “You smell good.”
“None of that.” She pressed a hand against his chest and pushed him back. “We need to talk.”
Travis wasn’t so easily dissuaded. With gentle fingers he tipped her chin up then kissed her lightly on the mouth. “First let me say I’m sorry.”
Her eyes were large and luminous. “For what?”
Both of his arms were around her now. He pulled her close and felt her heart fluttering like a hummingbird against his chest. “I was wrong to leave you behind in Vegas.”
“You didn’t have a choice.” Mary Karen’s fingers played with a button on his shirt. “You had a plane to catch. So did I.”
“If I’d have stayed we could have gotten the marriage annulled.” He wondered if she was worried that he would drag his feet getting the papers filed. “I know how much you wanted to get that done while we were still there.”
Her hand dropped. “I’m glad now that we didn’t.”
The words were soft but still audible. Travis frowned. He must be more tired than he realized. Surely she hadn’t just said she wanted to stay married?
“Don’t get me wrong. I still don’t think marriage between us would work,” Mary Karen continued as if she’d read his mind. “Unless you’ve had an epiphany and changed your mind about children?”
Her tone was light but her blue eyes were dark and serious.
In Cameroon he’d had a lot of time to think. During the long hot nights he’d wondered what it’d be like if they stayed married. But each time he’d come to the same conclusion. What he wanted and what she wanted were too far apart. “I love your boys, M.K., you know that. But I’m not interested in spending the next twenty years raising children.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“About the annulment. I think—”
“No annulment.” Mary Karen shook her head, her gaze now on the full moon.
Travis wondered if she was worried that getting the annulment would cost money she didn’t have. But that couldn’t be it. He’d assured her that he’d pay for it. Perhaps—
“I’m pregnant.”
The breath froze in Travis’s throat. “Beg pardon,” he returned, keeping his expression perfectly still.
“I’m pregnant.” Her fingers twisted in her lap. She lifted her gaze to his and he saw the truth in the tears shimmering in her eyes.
When Travis had been ten his brother had hit him in the chest with a two-by-four, forcing all the air from his lungs. To this day he remembered that awful, panicky feeling. He felt the same way now.
After a long moment, he cleared his throat. “Are you sure?”
“I did a home test. It came back positive.” She chewed on her lower lip. “I have all the symptoms.”
He had to be in an alternate universe. There could be no other explanation. “You’re on the pill.”
Then he recalled why her brother called her Fertile Myrtle. Both times she’d gotten pregnant before, she’d been on oral contraceptives.
“I should have used a condom.” A sick feeling took up residence in the pit of his stomach. “We’d always used one before.”
“Yeah, well …” Her voice trailed off and he saw the despair in her eyes.
“Are you planning on having the baby?” He tried to keep his tone casual. Although this was his child she was carrying, he was well aware that this was ultimately her choice.
“Are you asking me to have an abortion?” Her voice rose then broke.
“Nononono.” He reached for her hand. “How could you possibly think that?”
Mary Karen jerked her hand away and crossed her arms. “You don’t like children. You told me that yourself less than five minutes ago.”
“Of course I like children. I’m an obstetrician. I bring children into the world on a daily basis.” As he spoke, Travis tried to remember his earlier words. “I merely said I didn’t want to raise them.”
Tears spilled from her lids and slid down her cheeks.
Damn. He was an intelligent man, but that didn’t seem to stop him from putting his foot in his mouth.
“Ah, M.K.” He pulled her against him despite her protests. “It’ll be okay. Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying,” she said between sobs. “Crying is s-stupid.”
“No, it’s not,” he said in a soothing tone. As he stroked her hair, he realized this wasn’t just about him. He’d put his best friend in an untenable position.
“I’m getting your shirt wet.” She tried to pull away, but he tightened his hold.
“I don’t care about the shirt.” He leaned his forehead against her hair. “I care about you.”
It was the truth yet something he’d never said to her before. Though they’d been as intimate as two people could be, they’d always been careful to avoid talking about feelings.
“Caring doesn’t matter.” Mary Karen pulled a tissue from her purse and blotted her eyes. “Steven cared about me. Look how that turned out.”
Steven was also an arrogant, self-centered jerk. From the moment he’d set foot in Jackson Hole, Travis hadn’t liked the guy. And he certainly hadn’t appreciated the way he’d treated Mary Karen.
“This is such a big mess.” She sniffed then blew her nose.
Big mess seemed a bit mild, considering the impact, but Travis agreed with the assessment.
They’d stay married. What other choice was there? Mary Karen was his friend. She was carrying his baby.
Travis blew out a harsh breath. It looked like he was about to become a family man … whether he wanted to or not.
Chapter Four
Mary Karen pushed back from Travis’s arms. It wouldn’t do to get too comfortable. She’d told him about the baby. She’d accomplished her goal for the evening.
“The lease on my apartment will be up next month,” he said, thinking outloud. “Since your place is bigger, I’ll move in with you. After the baby is born, we can talk to Joel about building a house for us.”
The resignation in his eyes made her heart clench. It mirrored what she’d seen in her ex-husband’s eyes when she’d told him she was pregnant.
“No,” she said softly, then repeated more loudly as if to convince herself, “no. You’re not moving in with the boys and me.”
“What are you talking about?” Confusion blanketed Travis’s handsome features. “Of course I’m moving in. You need me. Now more than ever.”
Mary Karen briefly closed her eyes and prayed for strength. She did need him. Or rather she needed a partner on this scary journey. But a willing partner, not one who was only with her because he felt obligated.
But wasn’t having someone better than being alone? a tiny voice in her head whispered.
No. She wouldn’t do that to herself again. Or to Travis. If she brought him with her down this familiar road, there’d be pain at the end for everyone. For him. For her. Most significantly for her children. “You don’t want to be married or have a family.”
Travis didn’t bother to argue the point. How could he? He’d made his feelings on marriage and children very clear on many occasions. What had he told her at Christmas? Being married and having children would be like a noose around his neck.
He wiped a weary hand across his face. “M.K., you and I both know life isn’t simply about what we want. Honor and duty matter, too.”
Though his words only confirmed what she already knew, they were like a dagger to her heart. “I married one man because I was pregnant,” she said in a quiet tone. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
Travis gave a half-hearted chuckle. “It’s a good thing I have a strong ego or being lumped into the same category as your ex might cause me some serious psychological trauma.”
He reached over and cradled her ice-cold fingers in his strong ones. “C’mon, it won’t be so bad. Your parents like me. Your brother is my best friend. And your kids think I’m cool.”
Her children. “They won’t think you’re so cool when you get tired of us and leave.”
“Stop with the comparisons to your ex.” Travis’s hazel eyes flashed. “Leaving is Steven’s M.O., not mine.”
“I apologize.” She’d been wrong to lump him in with her ex. Mary Karen knew in her heart that he’d stick around but at what cost? Oh, he’d try to hide his unhappiness. But she knew him so well, she’d see right through his act. And while she knew he’d be good to her boys, wouldn’t they eventually pick up on the fact that his heart wasn’t in being a father?
No, having him move in wasn’t an option. But what were they going to do? And how would they explain it all to their family and friends? Time, she needed a little more time. “Promise me you won’t say anything about our marriage or the baby to anyone. Not just yet.”
“You won’t be able to hide your pregnancy for long,” Travis pointed out. “After three children—”
“I know.” She didn’t need anyone to remind her that all too soon she’d resemble a beached whale. “It’s just that I want time before—”
“—everyone finds out you took the biggest player in Jackson Hole off the market and got knocked up in the process?”
In spite of the seriousness of the topic, Mary Karen had to chuckle. Trust Travis to put his own unique spin on things. “Something like that.”
“I wouldn’t want anyone to know I’d married me, either,” he said in a conversational tone, looping an arm companionably around her shoulders. “But I think it’s better they know sooner rather than later.”
Normally she would agree. But not in this situation. Mary Karen had the feeling no one was going to be happy or agree with her decision. “Just keep it quiet for now. Okay?”
“I’ll go along with whatever makes it easier for you,” Travis said, but he didn’t look happy.
“I’d also like to postpone the divorce until after the baby is born.” Mary Karen swallowed hard against an unexpected lump in her throat. Poor sweet baby didn’t deserve all this drama.
“Divorce?” Travis’s eyes widened and a rarely seen muscle in his jaw jumped. At the same time, his brows slammed together. “I thought that was off the table.”
“I never said that.” She shifted her gaze into the darkness over his shoulder. “Neither of us want to stay married. Not really.”
“But you’re pregnant.”
Mary Karen sighed. “Believe me, I’m well aware of that fact.”
Without warning Travis pushed his door open and stepped from the vehicle.
“What are you doing?” Mary Karen asked.
“I’m going for a walk.” Travis rounded the front of the car and opened her door. “With you.”
When he held out his hand, she hesitated for only a second before placing her fingers into his firm grasp and stepping from the warmth of the car into the cool night air. The stones of the gravel road crunched beneath her sandals.
She hadn’t even had a chance to shut her door when a gust of wind swept across the open countryside, ruffling her hair and making her shiver. Mary Karen wrapped her arms around herself. Perhaps going for a walk wasn’t such a good idea.
Travis paused. Then he bent down and reached under the seat, rummaging around.
“I know it’s here somewhere.” Finally, with an exclamation of triumph, he pulled out a wrinkled gray hoodie. “Just what the doctor ordered.”
Though the jacket looked a bit tattered, when he offered it to her Mary Karen wasn’t about to argue. She slipped her arms into the soft, warm fleece and Travis zipped it up with a solicitousness that brought tears to her eyes.
Just for a second, she let herself wonder what it’d be like if Travis loved her and wanted to raise children and grow old with her for all the right reasons. She breathed in the faint scent of the cologne that clung to the fabric and wished with all her heart that things could be different.