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Was that why he had looked so hurt? Because she hadn’t told him the truth?
“I thought about hiring a private investigator, but you know, those guys cost a lot of money and I...well, I had a lot of unexpected expenses, as I’m sure you can understand.” Unexpected expenses coupled with a drastic readjustment of her job. Not that she minded, really. Accompanying her mother around the globe had had its moments, but if Darcy had to spend her life catering to a diva, she would take Cady over her mom any day.
“Expenses. Right.” Xander’s face grew a couple of shades paler. “Oh, shit. I’m going to have to pay child support. And it’s all retroactive, isn’t it?”
“I don’t— Look, that’s important, but, believe it or not, it’s not my biggest priority right now, okay? So don’t freak. I’m not going to sic a bunch of lawyers on you.”
His quivering eased the tiniest bit.
“What did you— Jesus, I didn’t even catch her name. Katie?”
“Cady. Short for Cadence. Cadence Joy Maguire.”
“That’s pretty.”
“Thanks.”
She hazarded another glance at the door. Foolish, she knew. Even if Ian wasn’t juggling child and dog, even if she had completely misread him, he would never spy on her.
But, damn, it would be nice to see his face for a second.
“So she—Cady— Damn. I don’t even know what I should be asking.”
Darcy might be swimming in a sea of uncertainty herself at the moment, but talking about Cady was something she could always do.
“She just turned a year. June seventh. She’s right on target for all her milestones. She has five teeth, and another one is trying to break through, so she’s a little cranky right now, but mostly she’s happy and bouncy. She’s a really amazing little thing, and once we made it past those first few weeks, it’s been the most exhausting and exhilarating rush I’ve ever had.” All true. She had barely ever imagined herself as a mother, let alone a single one, but now life before Cady was a distant memory.
The drumming of Xander’s fingers on the tabletop came to an abrupt halt.
“I want to see her again.”
“Right. Of course.” This was good. Wasn’t it? Every kid deserved to have a dad who wanted to be with her. Some of Darcy’s most cherished memories were of her late father. “We’ll have to work out some kind of schedule,” she said past the lump in her throat. “And I think that while she’s so little, you should visit her here, you know? Until she gets to know you and feels comfortable around you.”
Xander stared at her as if she had spoken in Shakespearean English. “I mean I want to see her right now.”
“Oh.” Relief made her laugh sound fake even to her. “Of course. I... Jeez, I guess I’ve had a few too many sleepless nights. You know, with that tooth coming in.”
He wasn’t talking about taking Cady on overnights or trips or any of those other scenarios that had made her wonder, wildly, if it was possible to stuff a one-year-old back in the womb. He simply wanted to see her now. One bullet dodged.
But not for long, she knew.
Cady was Xander’s as much as hers. He had rights. Moral ones and legal ones. And she would have to honor them.
Are you there, God? It’s me, Darcy. I know Xander is entitled to be in Cady’s life, but could we maybe spread things out a bit here? One step at a time, with lots of space between them?
Inch by slow inch she pushed herself down from the table, amazed that her feet still worked when she stood on them.
A familiar bark interrupted her worry. Inside the house Lulu pawed at the back door, jumping and whining the way she always did when she spotted the freedom of the yard. Darcy stood a little straighter. Lulu at the door meant that Ian would be right behind her, which meant that Darcy would have someone at her side while she introduced Cady to her father.
Not the answer she’d expected to her semi-serious prayer, but she would take it.
“Just so you know, I wasn’t trying to avoid you guys after I left,” Xander said.
Ian appeared, slightly stooped so he could hold Cady’s upraised hands while she walked. He nudged open the door. Lulu bounded forward, leaping and yipping and rolling in the grass at Darcy’s feet.
“You’ll find out anyway, but I’d rather you hear it from me. It sounds worse than it really is.”
Xander was nattering on and she knew she should be listening, but she had to watch Ian. Because he wasn’t coming outside, and he wasn’t looking at her. In fact, if the heaviness in her stomach could be believed, he was doing his best to avoid her gaze.
She edged Lulu out of the way and moved toward the door. She could be strong and get through the next half hour, but not until she’d held Cady, not until she’d seen Ian’s smile that always made her feel she could handle whatever lay ahead.
“The thing is, Darce, you couldn’t find me because I was in jail.”
CHAPTER TWO
XANDER AND I need to talk.
Xander and I.
The words had pounded through Ian as he’d carried Cady into the house, leaving Darcy and Xander alone in the driveway. Alone together.
Xander and Darcy.
He had walked blindly into the kitchen, where he’d come to a sudden stop. Cady had grabbed his chin and Lulu whined at his feet. A distant corner of his brain had whispered reminders about food, water and diapers, but another, more urgent voice had had him perching Cady on the edge of the counter, where he’d held her tight around the waist and stared at her.
Xander.
He could see Xander in her now. The pale blond hair pulled into one ponytail on top of her head like a platinum exclamation point above her rosy cheeks. Legs that were starting to shed their baby fat in favor of lean length. That crooked twist to her lips that he and Darcy had laughed over, calling it her Elvis impersonation. How many times had he picked her up and touched that mouth and sung “Heartbreak Hotel” to her? Her first real laugh had happened during one of those moments.
Turns out the laugh was on him.
“Mum mum mum.” Cady wriggled within his grasp, a familiar unhappy edge creeping into her voice. He shook his head.
The best way to cure your worries is by helping someone else. His grandmother’s voice was so clear in his head he almost expected to see her walk through the door. She’d drilled those words into him all his life. He had to admit, she had a point. Doing things for Darcy, especially once he had figured out she was pregnant—well, he’d certainly felt better after shoveling her driveway than he had after time spent mulling the mess his life had been.
Though even Grandma Moxie probably would cut him some slack right now.
“Come on, Cady Bug. I bet you’re hungry. How about something to eat?”
He ran Cady’s hands under the faucet, making her squeal, then strapped her into the high chair and raided the refrigerator for cheese cubes and tiny cooked pasta, all while maintaining a nonstop monologue. The words didn’t matter. As long as he kept talking, she would be distracted enough to stay happy.
“Looks like everything has changed, right, cutie? That’s the truth. I always thought that Jonathan the rat bastard was the one who did your mama wrong—oops, don’t cry, I won’t say the M word again—but I guess I blew that one. And you know how I feel? I feel like a goddamned idiot, that’s what I feel like. There’s some words to toss out sometime when M-word isn’t expecting them. Goddamn. Yeah, that should get a reaction out of her. Maybe even an honest one. Wouldn’t that be a change?”
He was overreacting, but so what? Darcy was his friend. Nothing more—but nothing less, either. He would have thought that as her friend, as the person who had brought Xander into the picture, as the one who had fallen in love with Cady the moment she’d arrived—
“Guess I thought wrong. No surprise there, right, kiddo? That’s right, shove the cheese into your mouth. Nom nom. Eat with your fists while you can. Those days will be gone before you know it.”
He dropped into the chair beside the table, his arms, legs and spirits crossed. Lulu sniffed his knee and let loose with a noise that was somewhere between a whine and a moan. He laced his fingers through her silky fur and scratched behind her ears.
“You know something’s wrong, don’t you, girl? Don’t worry. I won’t let him take you.”
“Ru! Ru!” Cady slapped her palms on the tray and threw a piece of cheese to the floor. Lulu snapped it up. Cady broke into the chortles that always accompanied the game. Ian was supposed to make sure the food made it into the proper mouth, but at the moment he didn’t have the heart.
“Laugh now, sweetie.” Despite himself, he angled his head so he could sneak a peek through the lace curtains at the kitchen window. He should have saved himself the effort. All he could see was a fringe of cinnamon—the top curls of Darcy’s hair. Curls that Xander had laced his fingers through while—
Ian jumped from his chair and forced his feet toward the hall, the refrigerator, the small pantry stocked with baby food and diet pop. Anyplace where he wouldn’t be tempted to watch what was happening in the backyard.
But when he narrowly avoided stepping on Lulu, trailing him with her nose to the ground, he forced his itchy feet to halt. He fell back onto the hard wooden chair. He tipped his head toward the ceiling, where the white blades of the fan stirred the air and his thoughts.
He had to get a grip.
So Darcy and Xander had...whatever. So they had made a baby together. It was none of his business. It had happened almost two years ago. It had nothing to do with him.
Except it felt as though it did.
“I frickin’ hate secrets.” Good thing his only audience was a dog and a baby. Neither of them could point out the irony that he, Mr. Honest-and-Aboveboard, had been keeping a hell of a whopper from Darcy for God only knew how long.
“But that’s different.” He patted his thigh. Lulu, who had been gnawing on his shoe, jumped at the invitation and rested her paws on his knee. “It’s biology. That’s all. I’ve been alone awhile. Darcy is right here and cute and single... It’s good that I’ve started noticing her. Proof that I’m really over Taylor. That’s all. Saying anything to her would have been stupid. Pointless.”
Despite himself, he glanced at the window again.
“Too late.”
* * *
IF EVER IAN had doubted that life had a sick sense of humor, it would have been confirmed by the fact that as soon as Cady finished cramming her mouth full of everything within reach, she gifted him with the Diaper of the Decade.
“I think this is the definition of redundant, kiddo.” He tossed wipes into the trash while using his elbow to restrain the sumo wrestler formerly known as Cady. “You couldn’t have waited a bit longer? Maybe let your shiny new dad do the honors?”
She let loose with a wail of protest.
“My sentiments exactly,” he said, though he was well aware that her only concern was her inability to wriggle free. “I know, I know. You want to move.”
Come to think of it, that sounded like a fine idea. He’d given Darcy plenty of time to...whatever...with Xander.
“Let’s crash the party, Bug.”
Lulu barked her agreement and raced into the hall while Ian grabbed Cady. After a fast detour to the bathroom to wash his hands, they clattered down the stairs.
And there he stopped.
Lulu bounded ahead but Ian stayed out of sight of the back door. The dog yipped and Cady pushed at his shoulders, but still he didn’t move.
What if what he felt for Darcy was more than biology?
No sooner had the thought brought him to a standstill than he walked away from it double time.
“Get a grip, North.”
For one thing, he’d been feeling this...whatever...around Darce for a while. Months, at least. If it really was something more than basic instinct, surely it would have grown or changed or something by now.
For another, he and Darcy and Cady had a good thing going. Yeah, he was pissed right now, but when he looked back on it, they’d done a damned fine job with this friendship. He babysat her kid, she walked his dog, they made each other laugh and had each other’s backs. Only an idiot would want to mess up what they had.
Lulu dropped down from the door and gave him a look that could only be described as get over here and let me out, you useless human. Cady lunged forward in apparent sympathy.
“Fine. I’m coming, okay?”
So. Biology. Biology stirred with some kind of...oh, call it confusion...that Darcy hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him the truth. A bruised ego, a hell of a surprise, some understandable jealousy revolving around the bundle of drool and giggles squirming in his arms.
“You want to walk, don’t you, Bug?” He lowered her to the ground and slipped his fingers into her fists. She shrieked something he couldn’t understand, held tight and slapped one foot in front of the other in her version of a beeline for the door while he duck-walked behind her.
“You’re getting good at this, kid. Soon you won’t need me to hold you up.”
What the hell. He’d been debating moving home to Comeback Cove anyway. Maybe Xander’s reappearance was some kind of message that it would be okay to go. Ian’s work here was done, and all that crap.
They had reached the door—well, as close as they could get to it with Lulu doing her best to claw her way through the window. Darcy’s hot-pink top danced at the edge of his vision, but he refused to look at her. He would hand over Cady and take himself and Lulu to the garage, where he could control the fire.
Decision made, he nudged the door open and marched Cady into the sunshine.
“Hello, sweetness!” The forced cheer and slight breathlessness in Darcy’s voice made him wonder if maybe he should have checked the backyard action before walking out. His imagination, helpful as always, offered up some vivid pictures of the reunions he and Cady might have interrupted.
Oh, yeah. As if that was gonna help.
“Here you go.” He could do make-believe happy as well as the next person. “She’s fed and as clean as she ever will be.”
“Did you have a good lunch, lovey? Oh, but you must have painted your clothes with it, right? That’s not what you were wearing a few minutes ago.”
He risked a glance in Darcy’s direction. She didn’t seem any more rumpled than she had when he’d left. “Nope. Can’t blame this one on sloppy eating.”
“Uh-oh. Did you get stuck with a blowout?”
He checked on Xander, who was hovering behind Darcy and staring at Cady as if he wasn’t sure she was real. That diaper would have grounded him pretty fast. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
“Sorry.” Darcy squatted and held out her arms. “Come here, Bug. We, um, I need to introduce you to someone.”
For one wild minute he considered grabbing Darcy, calling Lulu and hauling everyone into the house before locking the door—with Xander on the other side. Then Cady released his fingers and lurched into Darcy’s embrace.
He was the outsider here. He was the one who wasn’t part of the family.
He was the one who needed to make himself scarce.
“Well.” He stepped aside, patting his leg to call Lulu, who had parked herself between Darcy and Xander. At his signal her ears perked up but she didn’t move. It hit him that she was giving Xander the kind of you should run now look that he wished he could hand out.
That did it. Next lifetime he was coming back as a dog.
“Okay.” He made himself meet Darcy’s gaze, forced a hearty grin. “Well. If you’re all set I’ll get out of your—”
Darcy’s eyes widened and her lips clamped tight. Her sideways glance toward Xander was fast but unmistakable.
Holy crap. Unless he missed his guess, this wasn’t an entirely joyous reunion. In fact, if he had to pick one word to describe the vibes he was getting, that word would be panic.
He didn’t know what had changed in the past half hour, but something sure had shifted. Which meant his intentions of firing up the forge and going all Neanderthal on a piece of hot metal were going to have to wait until he was sure Darcy wanted him to leave.
“Come on, Lulu. Let’s play.”
With that he grabbed a tennis ball from the bucket at the edge of the concrete patio and wandered toward the garden—far enough to give the illusion of respecting their privacy while staying within earshot. Darcy didn’t scare easily. Nor did she willingly ask for help. If she was acting skittish, there was a reason.
Not that he thought Xander posed a physical threat. The man had grown into a con artist with delusions of invincibility, but Ian had never known him to be the violent type. He got queasy playing “Grand Theft Auto.” And when it came to women, well, given the number of nights Ian had spent sexiled to the futon in their dorm’s common room, he was well aware that Xander had something that appealed. No, whatever had happened between Xander and Darcy, Ian was pretty certain it had been consensual.
But something had her spooked. So until she indicated otherwise, he wasn’t going anywhere.
He tossed the ball. It bounced into the garden, disappearing in the twisted vines of Darcy’s snap peas. Crap. Lulu and the garden were a scary mix.
Except Lulu wasn’t there.
He swiveled in time to see Lulu bare her teeth and let loose with a deep growl as Xander’s outstretched hand hovered in midair a few inches from Cady.
“Lulu?” Darcy’s voice echoed his surprise. “It’s okay, girl. Xander is... It’s okay.”
Lulu’s response was to snarl louder. Her message couldn’t have been clearer. Stay away. Mine.
Xander’s head twisted from the dog to Darcy to Ian, then back at Lulu. “Hey, Ian? Could you give us a hand here?”
Well, well, well.
Ian crossed his arms and took in the scene before him. It probably wasn’t smart to feel smug over the turn of events, but at this point he would take what he could get.
“What’s the matter, Xander? Your dog doesn’t remember you?”
The flush in Xander’s cheeks didn’t do anything for his appearance, but it sure made Ian grin.
“Cute. Call her off.”
“Sure, sure.” He took his time ambling forward and stooped to run a hand down Lulu’s back. “Easy, girl. Everything’s fine.”
She continued to glare at Xander. A fraction of the rigidness eased from her stance, but she didn’t move. No doubt she was waiting for some sort of signal. In that case Xander was screwed, because Ian was pretty sure that the only messages Lulu might pick up from him were ones of frustrated protectiveness.
Unless...
Unless maybe he gave Lulu a reason to think that she could stand down because he was stepping up.
He straightened slowly and caught Darcy’s attention—not difficult, as she seemed transfixed by the dog. Certain he couldn’t be seen by Xander behind him, Ian tapped his chest.
Trust me, he mouthed.
She didn’t nod or move, but like Lulu, some of the tension seeped from her shoulders. Message received.
He petted Lulu again, gave her a “good girl” and then—slowly, deliberately—pushed runaway cinnamon curls behind Darcy’s ear.
Behind him, he was pretty sure he heard Xander choke.
Darcy’s eyes flickered to meet his gaze, her expression changing from confusion to acceptance in the literal blink of an eye.
Lulu dropped to her haunches.
Encouraged, Ian shifted to face Xander while taking a step back and sliding his arm around Darcy’s waist. She barely hesitated before snuggling against his side, soft and warm and a whole lot more pliant than was good for his long-deprived body.
Damn. This might not have been such a smart idea after all.
But Lulu had stopped glaring, and Xander’s jaw seemed about ready to hit the pavement, so Ian counted this as a win.
“Wait a minute.” Xander’s laugh brimmed with disbelief. “Are you telling me that the two of you...?”
“I don’t know why you seem so surprised.” Ian placed a possessive hand on Cady’s arm.
“But you said...”
Ian was well aware of what he had said when Xander asked him two summers ago if Ian had any designs on his landlady. Ian’s “Are you out of your tree?” had been equal parts She’s involved with someone else and I just got dumped by my fiancée, dumbass.
“Yeah, well, that was then. This is now.”
Darcy set Cady on the ground, straightened, then reached around his back and hooked her thumb ever-so-casually in the waistband of his jeans. His pulse spiked. Oh, hell.
She tilted her head to rest against his shoulder. “I didn’t have a lot of experience with babies, and Ian had helped with his niece so he kind of taught me what to do, and I started relying on him more and more, and the next thing you know he was spending more time in the house with me than in his apartment over the garage. And then it was like— Well, I guess I don’t need to spell it all out.”
All true, but damn. When she said it with that little laugh in her voice he could almost believe it himself.
“Yeah. I guess so.” Xander shook his head. “Look, it’s been a hell of a day, and I’ve already been here longer than I planned.”
That’s right, Xander. Leave. Now.
“But I...” Xander glanced at Ian and Darcy once more, and then shifted his focus to Cady pulling herself upright on Ian’s leg.
“Could I hold her?”
Ian glanced at Darcy, who bit her lip but gave a quick nod.
Damn it. Why did Xander have to come back and put her through this?
“If she fusses don’t take it personally,” she said as Ian pried Cady from his calf and handed her to Xander. “She doesn’t meet too many new people, so she’s kind of shy with strangers.”
Xander held Cady at arm’s length for a breath or two before pulling her closer. His elbows stuck out at an awkward angle, his knees seemed frozen in position and his face held a mix of terror and reverence.
“But I’m not a stranger,” he said, directing the words to Cady. “I’m your dad.”
Ian reached for Darcy’s hand, lacing his fingers through her clammy ones. Her smile was determined but he saw the fear in her eyes.
Cady reared back, staring at Xander’s face without blinking. A hint of a smile lit his face.
“You look like my little sister,” he said softly. “Bethie. I guess she’s your aunt Bethie.”
Ian hid his wince. Darcy—no doubt motivated by her own status as a lonely only child—had mentioned more than once that she wished Cady had a big extended family to dote on her and shower her with frilly pink things and make her feel as though she was the most amazing thing on the planet. Still, he was pretty sure this wasn’t the way she would have chosen to add to Cady’s relative count.
“So, does she talk?” Xander asked. “Or walk or...? I don’t know much about babies, either. Nothing, really.” His laugh was a little stronger, if rueful. “Maybe you’ll need to teach me, too, Ian.”
Darcy opened her mouth, but no words came out. Ian rubbed the small of her back. This had to be killing her.
Ian had been still digging himself out of the mess his own life had become when he’d realized she was pregnant. He hadn’t had a lot left over to focus on anyone else’s problems.
But then it had become obvious that Jonathan—the supposed father—wasn’t in the picture. And Darcy’s own mother had reluctantly agreed that pregnancy and a baby were not compatible with the work she needed Darcy to do. Darcy had put on a brave front while slowly developing a crease in her forehead that had rivaled her belly for size.
Still, it wasn’t until after Cady’s birth that he’d put it all together. He’d come home from work one hot afternoon in late June and found Darcy huddled under the umbrella he’d installed, shaking with silent sobs while Cady slept in her arms. For the first time it had hit him how alone she was, how lost and scared she must have felt.