Girls New and Old

CHAPTER XXIV.

GOD'S WILL AND KATE'S WILL

THE next day the weather completely changed; the wind came from the southwest, the rain poured in torrents. The great cold had gone, but the fierce gale grew fiercer hour by hour. The girls and boys appeared in the breakfast room with blank, disappointed faces.

"What are we to do with ourselves all day?" said Molly.

"I am glad I have my novel," muttered Matilda.

"For my part, I wish the holidays had come to an end," said Cecil. "I am wild to get to work again. What do you say, Kate? Suppose we do a little work this morning. I can help you with your Homer, if you like."

"No, thanks," answered Kate; "I am not in the humor to work."

"Have you a headache?" asked Cecil, looking at her anxiously.

"No, I'm all right; but I don't care to work."

She went to the window and drummed her fingers against one of the panes of glass as she spoke.

"Aren't you coming, Kitty?" called Molly, in her pleasant voice.

Kate turned slowly and seated herself at the breakfast-table. Her face was very white, and there were black shadows round her eyes.

"I say, Kitty, you don't look a bit like yourself," said Jimmy, giving her one of his particularly keen glances.

"I am really quite well," answered Kate; "I mean to go out for a long walk after breakfast."

"What, in this rain?" exclaimed all the others.

"You forget that an Irish girl never fears the rain."

"It does rain always in Ireland, doesn't it?" asked Charlie, in an impertinent voice.

"Always, except when it is fine," replied Kate calmly. "Pass me the toast, please, Jimmy. Yes, I am going out. I enjoy walking in the rain; I love, beyond all things, watching a great gale of wind."

"Well, I won't go with you," said Cecil.

"I will," said Maurice, "if I may."

"No, thanks, Maurice; don't think me disobliging, but I would really rather go alone," said Kate.

She ran into her room, and presently returned in her waterproof cloak and hat.

"If I am not in to dinner, don't wait for me," she said to the others.

As she was running downstairs, she met Matilda.

"I wouldn't fret if I were you," said Matilda, glancing at her.

"What do you mean?" said Kate, pulling herself up short.

"Why," continued Matilda, "if you are a charity girl, you also are – I have been thinking it over all night, and I have made up mind that I won't tell; that is, if you will make it worth my while."

"What do you mean?" asked Kate.

"Why, this," said Matilda; "I notice that you have great influence in the school. I can't understand it; no one seems to mind your low origin a bit; they seem rather to like you for having been a peasant girl. Well, now, if you will chum with me, and appear as if you enjoyed my society, other people will perhaps think me worth cultivating. If you approach me in a friendly spirit next term, and talk of me as your friend, why, I'll keep your secret. There! is it a bargain!"

"You can tell every single person in the school what you know about me," said Kate. "That's my only answer. Now, let me go."

She pushed Matilda aside almost roughly, and ran downstairs. A moment later she was in the little street. The gale caught her waterproof cloak, and swept her dress round her legs; it played hide and seek with her hat, and dashed great drops of rain into her eyes; as to her umbrella, she could not hold it up for two minutes. Walking up the street, she had to encounter the full blast of the gale. She, struggled on bravely, glad of the physical exertion which made her forget a very real pain in her breast.

"Now, where are you off to, you young scoundrel?" said a voice in her ear.

She looked up to encounter the keen blue eyes of Mr. Danvers.

"I forgot; I beg your pardon!" said the master, turning red. "I really thought for a moment that you were Jimmy. But what are you out for? this is no day for women to be abroad."

"I like being out in the rain and wet," said Kate.

"Well, don't go too near the shore; it positively isn't safe."

Kate laughed in reply.

"I am accustomed to watching the sea in a gale," she answered.

She hurried off.

"What is the matter with that girl?" thought the schoolmaster to himself; "she has a queer look in her eyes. She is a fine girl; yes, I'd consider her a fine specimen of young woman-hood if she didn't murder Homer in the way she does; but something has put her out. What is the matter with her?"

Kate, meanwhile, continued her stormy walk. By and by she reached the shore; the tide was out at present, but it was just beginning to turn. A wide expanse of wet sand and low-lying rocks lay to her left; to her right rose the high cliffs for which the place was famous. Kate hesitated for a moment which way to turn. At last she determined to go straight to the caves; the tide was well out, and there was not the slightest danger. She could go as far as one of the caves, take shelter there, watch the gale without being blown away herself, and think out the question which was tearing her proud heart to pieces.

To reach the caves she had to walk with the wind full in her face; the temptation, therefore, to go the other way and be blown along by the fierce gale was overpowering for a moment or two; she determined to resist it, and made for the caves. To reach them she had to walk a good deal over a mile. These caves could only be reached quite at low water, and the way to them lay on the soft, yielding sand. Kate found, as she struggled along, that she was by no means so strong as she used to be when she had lived in the cottage at home. In those happy days she had never known fatigue. To fight with nature, as she was now doing, only brought out her splendid physical powers; she rejoiced in the old days in conquering wind and weather. Her dangerous illness had weakened her far more than she had any idea of, and her legs trembled as she hurried forward. She was so spent when she reached the first cave that she literally could not walk another yard; she entered it, and sat down to rest. Out of the gale she had suddenly entered into a perfect haven of calm. The cave was a deep one; it went back far into the rock. At its farthest extremity was a shelf, on which lay two skeletons in a fair state of preservation. These skeletons had been found in the clay some years ago, and were left undisturbed in their resting place; the angry sea often nearly touched them, but not quite. At high tide, the rest of the cave was generally under water, but the sea had never yet been known to reach the spot where the skeletons of a woman and child, who may have died thousands of years ago, were still in a state of preservation. People from far and near used to come to see these relics of the past, but Kate had never visited the caves before. She sat now in the entrance, drawing a big stone forward and making a temporary seat of it. From here she could watch the angry sea, and even take pleasure in the wild sight which met her eyes. She was too tired at first even to think, but after a time she became more rested. She took off her hat, arranged her storm-tossed hair, twisted it up afresh, and drew it out of her eyes. She held her hat in her lap – it was soaked through; the rain had even penetrated her waterproof cloak; her stockings and shoes were sopping.

"I have got to fight a devil," she said suddenly aloud. "There is a demon here," – pressing her hand to her breast, – "and he must be conquered, or he'll conquer me. I shall fight him here in this cave, and either he or I must die in the encounter. If he wins the victory, the noble part of me will have died, and I shall go straight to Redgarth and tell Miss Forester that I can't – I never will – accept her charity. If he dies, why, then, then, I shall return to the lodgings to-day, to the society of Molly and Cecil and the boys, a broken-hearted girl. Oh, I know beforehand that I shall not conquer in this fight. But here, alone with nature, the thing must be reasoned out. Now, then, to begin."

Kate clasped her hands round her knees and looked straight out at the angry sea; the waves were already mountains high; the spray was dashing straight into the cave and wetting her face; the tide had well turned now, and the sea was coming up in splendor. Kate never thought of this. It would take a very long time before the tide reached the cave, and meanwhile she had her battle to fight. There were few girls prouder than Kate O'Connor. Her pride had a great many noble elements in it; it scorned deceit and humbug of all kinds. She was not a scrap ashamed of those things which smaller-minded girls would have tried to conceal, would have smuggled out of sight, and buried deep in their own hearts.

The fact that her grandfather was poor, that her own early life had been spent in a small cottage by the sea, that she had not been waited on by servants, nor worn fine clothes, nor done the ordinary things of the ordinary young lady, never caused her a moment's regret. When she arrived at school she did not speak of her early life, not because she feared to do so, but because she did not consider one of her companions worthy to know the story of the beloved old grandfather, and the grand poem which he had lived. Kate's grandfather had been religious in the highest sense of the word; he had lived very simply, and according to the golden rule – he had done to others as he would wish others to do to him; he had thought well of his fellow-man; an unkind and uncharitable sentence had never been heard to pass his lips.

Kate had tried to live up to his standards but whereas his religion had been tested in the fire of a long life and many cruel circumstances which his grandchild knew nothing about, hers was simply the result of training, and had never been tested at all. He had taught her a good deal, and although she had never learned according to modern ideas, she was in many respects a very well-informed girl. Her imagination was of the highest order; there was a strong dash of mysticism and idealism in her character. In this prosaic world, she herself was a living embodiment of old romance; she delighted in poetry, in nature; there was not a scrap of the worldly spirit about her, but for all that she was proud. To eat the bread of charity would be indeed gall and wormwood to her. She thought, as she sat now in the mouth of the cave and looked out on the splendid scene which lay before her eyes, that she would rather be the poorest servant in a farmhouse at home than stoop to this.

"I can't do it!" she murmured; "it isn't in me. Grandfather left me money, not much, but enough to have me properly educated. I can't stoop to this. Miss Forester means well, but she doesn't know me – or, yes, she does know me; she knows that I, Kate O'Connor, poor, proud, peasant girl that I am, would never consent to this scheme; therefore she tries to hide it from me. It is good of her, and yet it is not good. It was Providence who put that letter in my way. Oh, it was shown to me in an ugly manner! Fancy my reading a letter which was not meant for me! But I didn't read it; Matilda read it aloud to me. How I detest Matilda! But if I stoop to this thing – if I consent to become a charity girl – I shall think myself almost at her level. No, I shall refuse. I'll go back to Redgarth to-morrow; I will tell Miss Forester the simple truth. Perhaps I know enough now to try and get a situation as nursery-governess to little children. Anyhow, I can make an effort in that direction. Oh, my dreams, my aspirations! I thought to do so much, and perhaps some day to write something lovely, and to make a name for myself and for the dear old man who would have been proud of me, were he alive. No, I can't accept charity. I'm sure grandfather would say I was right."

Kate paused here. In the midst of her wild thoughts she remembered a certain evening when she and the old man had been seated together, and she had read aloud out of the Book of Books to him.

"'Better is he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city,'" she had read. She was a child at the time; she did not understand the words.

"What does that mean, grandad?" she had said.

"It means that God loves the true conqueror, child," he answered. "It is the greatest thing in all the world for a man to rule his own spirit – so to rule it that God's will may be his will."

"I think I know," she had answered vaguely.

She ran away then to feed her chickens, and that ended the matter; but the verse returned to her to-day.

"If to rule my spirit is to be willing to eat the bread of charity – if that is God's will, then it can never be mine," she said to herself.

A volume of spray dashed on her face and half-blinded her. She rose, stretched herself, put on her hat, and prepared to return to the lodgings.

"I shall go to Redgarth to-morrow morning," she said to herself. "I suppose I am conquered, but I can't help myself. I never, never will eat the bread of charity!"

She left the cave, and turned her face homeward. She walked a dozen steps, then she stood still. How long had she been in the cave? What had happened? Surely the tide had come up very fast. That long stretch of beach with the headland at the farther end seemed, somehow, wonderfully shortened.

"Impossible" – said Kate, with a thrill of horror in her voice – "impossible that the water can already have reached the headland. Oh, no! I am deceived by the distance, but I see that I have no time to lose. I must run, or I shall be shut in by the tide."

She ran fast, and the wind, which was now at her back, helped her. She was a very swift runner, and, notwithstanding the yielding nature of the sands, she made rapid progress. With panting breath and hair flying wildly under her hat, she soon came up to the promontory which she had to round in order to reach a place of safety. At ten yards distant she stood still, clasping her hands. She did not yet realize the danger of her own position. Her eyes sparkled, and she almost laughed at the majestic beauty of the scene. The angry waves had already reached the headland, and were dashing with bursts of magnificent spray over the sharp rocks.

"I never, even in Ireland, saw such waves," said Kate to herself. "How glorious! Oh, that I could write about them! They fill my heart; such beauty as this quite satisfies me."

Then a thought, cold and dreadful, stole over her delight.

"The way home is completely shut away!" she cried.

The thought first stole into her brain, then it crept down, down, until it reached her heart.

"Have I got to die here? Am I to be drowned?" she said to herself. "I am only seventeen, and I am full of life. Oh, is this the way out of my dilemma? And I don't want to die. I am not a coward, no; but I don't want to die, slowly and fearfully, and all alone, and with this awful noise in my ears. To die by drowning means suffocation. No, I don't want to die."

There was not a creature in sight. The towering cliffs rose between her and safety. They were rugged and straight, and impossible to climb. The belt of sand on which she stood was each moment getting narrower and narrower. She made a careful calculation: at the present rate of the in-coming tide, she had probably about an hour and a half to live.

"I must go back to the cave," she said to herself. "Perhaps, if I climb up on that ledge where the skeletons are, I may find myself above high-water mark. But I know the signs; I have not lived close to the Atlantic all my life for nothing. There will be a specially high tide to-day."

CHAPTER XXV.

THE HEART OF THE GALE

WHEN Matilda parted from Kate she went up to her own room and stood by the window. She saw Kate leave the house and walk down the High Street. She noticed how she battled with the gale; she observed her when she paused to speak for a moment to Mr. Danvers. Their conversation was short. Kate continued her walk, and Mr. Danvers came toward the house. Matilda went then and stood opposite to her looking-glass. She was a plain girl, but she was fond of looking at her reflection in the glass. She looked at it now with a sort of satisfaction.

"Yes, I am plain," she said aloud. "I must admit, in the solitude of my room, that I have not a good feature in my face. Kate is handsome; Kate has got all that beauty about her appearance which been denied to me. It will be an interesting problem to see who will make the best out of life – Kate, the pauper, the charity girl, or I, who have more money than I know what to do with, but who am not possessed of beauty, nor of any special talent. I believe I see my way now to having a good time at Redgarth. Of course Kate won't dare to be anything but my friend now, for if she does I shall hold this knowledge over her. Yes, I think I contrived cleverly. I did nothing wrong. Oh, of course not! I could not help overhearing what Cecil and Molly said, and when Cecil dropped the letter at my feet, I should have been more than human if I had not picked it up. After all, it would have been wicked to conceal this matter from Kate. Poor Kate! how wild she looked when she went out! Oh, yes, my beautiful Kate, I know how to sting you! For all your false humility you are about the proudest girl I know. You proud! what right have you to be proud? Oh, I shall love to humble you! You have got neither birth nor money. There are some tolerably poor people who are well born; I can respect them – they have ancestors. I'd give anything in all the world to have ancestors; but Kate has nothing – nothing but her face, and her slim figure, and something which people call talent, in the back of her head. All right, Kate! you shall eat humble pie now."

Matilda ran downstairs to the sitting room. Cecil was bending over a book. Molly was darning some holes in Maurice's stockings; she delighted in helping Cecil with this work. Mr. Danvers was standing by the window looking out at the street, and the four boys were occupying themselves in various ways in different parts of the room. After a time, Mr. Danvers turned slowly round and faced the other occupants of the room.