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Sarah accepted these brutally honest thoughts with a mixture of emotions. There was disappointment, yes. But also a measure of relief. Because it made her realise that to harbour hopes of attracting Nick this Christmas was a case of desperation and delusion. It wasn’t going to happen.
Whilst this realisation brought a pang of emotional pain—no one liked to have their longest and fondest dream dashed—the acceptance of reality also began to unravel the tight knots in her stomach. What she was wearing today no longer mattered. She could relax now and act naturally with Nick, which she would not have done with her previous pathetic agenda.
Sarah might have called Derek right then and there and cancelled his coming tomorrow, if she hadn’t already told Flora when she rang last night that there’d be an added guest for Christmas lunch; her new boyfriend, Derek. Although Nick had been out at the time, Sarah had no doubt that Flora would have told Nick this news at breakfast this morning. Flora was a dear lady, but inclined to gossip.
No, there was nothing for it but to go through with this charade now.
‘You’ll probably be glad, come tomorrow,’ Sarah told herself as she climbed out of the car and walked round to open the hatchback. Nick’s new girlfriend sounded like a right bitch, if Flora’s character assessment was to be believed. When Sarah asked what she was like, Flora had said she was up herself, big time.
‘Just as good-looking as the last one,’ Flora had added, ‘but more intelligent. And doesn’t she know it! Still, she won’t last any longer than the others. Six months is tops for our Nick. After that, it’s out with the old and in with the new. If that boy ever settles down, I’ll eat my hat.’
Sarah pulled a face as she lifted her two bags out of the boot.
She would, too.
Nick was definitely not a marrying man; never had been and never would be. He wasn’t into romance, either. Catering to his sexual needs was the name of his game where women were concerned.
Once Nick got bored with his latest game-partner, she was out.
He’d once admitted to Sarah when she’d been about twelve—they’d just watched a very sweet romance on TV together—that he could never fall in love the way the characters had in that movie. He’d confessed rather grimly that he didn’t have any idea what that kind of love felt like.
Sarah presumed his inability to emotionally connect with women had something to do with his loveless up-bringing, a subject she’d overheard being discussed by her parents not long before her mother died. Apparently, Nick had suffered terribly at the hands of a drunken and abusive father, running away to live on the streets of Sydney when he’d been only thirteen. After that, he’d been reduced to doing some pretty dreadful things just to survive.
Sarah never did find out exactly how dreadful, but she could guess.
Just after turning eighteen, Nick had finally been arrested—for stealing cars—and had been sentenced to two years in jail.
It was during this term that he’d finally been shown some kindness, and given some practical help. By a man who’d spotted his natural intelligence, a man who, for years, had generously given up many hours of his time to help those less fortunate.
Nick was put into a special education programme for inmates that this man had funded, and became one of their most successful graduates, achieving his higher-school certificate in record time.
That man had been her father.
‘Sarah!’
Sarah almost jumped out of her skin at her name being called.
But when she saw who it was, she smiled.
‘Hi there, Jim. You’re looking well.’ Flora’s husband had to be over sixty by now. But he was one of those wirily built men who aged well and always moved with a spritely step.
‘Got a lot of luggage there, missie,’ he said, joining her behind her car and staring down at her two very large bags. ‘Home for good, are you?’
‘Not yet, Jim. Did you get me a good tree?’
‘Yep. A beauty. Set it up in the usual spot in the family room. I put the boxes of decorations next to it. And I’ve hung up the lights out the back.’
‘Great. Thanks, Jim.’
Jim nodded. He wasn’t one for chit-chat, unlike his wife.
Jim was happiest when he was working with his hands. He loved keeping the extensive grounds at Goldmine spick and span, not such a difficult job after her father had come home from a visit to Tokyo a decade ago and had all the more traditional flower beds and lawns ripped out and replaced with Japanese-style gardens. Now there were lots of rocks and gravel pathways, combined with ponds and water features, all shown to advantage by interesting trees and plants.
Jim hadn’t been too thrilled at first with the lack of grass and flowers, but he’d grown to appreciate the garden’s unique beauty and serenity.
Jim picked up Sarah’s bags without her asking and started heading along the curved path towards the front porch, putting paid to her earlier plan to sneak in unnoticed through the garages.
To be honest, Sarah still wished she looked better for Nick’s first sight of her. It would have been rewarding to see the surprised look on his face.
Sighing, she grabbed her carry-all from the passenger seat, locked the car and hurried after Jim, who by then had dropped her bags by the front door and rung the doorbell.
‘I do have keys,’ she said, and was fishing through her bag in search of them when the door was wrenched open.
Not by Flora—but by Nick.
If ever Sarah was glad she was wearing sunglasses it was at that moment.
Not because of Nick’s reaction to her, but because of her reaction to him.
She’d been so caught up with worrying about her own appearance that she’d forgotten just how devastatingly attractive she found him, especially when he was wearing as little as he was wearing today: just board shorts and a sleeveless white surf top, the colour highlighting his beautifully bronzed skin.
Sarah’s thankfully hidden gaze travelled hungrily down his body then up again before fixing on his mouth.
If Nick’s black eyes hadn’t been so hard, and his other features strongly masculine, his mouth might have made him into a pretty boy. Both his lips were full and sensual, curving around a mouthful of flashing white teeth, their perfection courtesy of the top-flight dentist her father had taken him to as soon as he’d been let out of prison.
If Sarah had any criticism, it was of his hair, which she believed he kept far too short. Still, the buzz-cut style did give him an intimidating look that probably worked well for him in the business world.
‘Well, hello, stranger,’ he said, his dark eyes sweeping down to her sneakered feet, then up again.
Not a hint of admiration in his expression, however, or even surprise. No reaction at all. Zilch.
His lack of reaction—she’d been expecting some sort of compliment—exasperated Sarah. What did she have to do to make the man notice her, damn it?
‘Thanks, Jim,’ he said, bending to pick up her bags. ‘I’ll take these now.’
‘Yes, thanks, Jim,’ Sarah managed to echo through clenched teeth.
Jim nodded, then moved off, by which time Nick had picked up her luggage and turned to carry it inside.
Sarah wanted to hit him. Instead, she gritted her teeth even harder.
Suddenly, she couldn’t wait to turn twenty-five. The sooner she got Nick out of her life, the better. He was like a thorn in her side, niggling away at her. How could she have what she wanted most in life—which was children of her own—if he was always there, spoiling things for her? How could she feel completely happy when she kept comparing every man she dated to him?
Out of sight would be out of mind. Hopefully.
Sarah closed the front door after her, smothering a sigh when she saw Nick heading for the stairs with her cases.
‘I can take those up,’ she said, desperately needing a few minutes away from the man to regain her composure.
As much as Sarah had subconsciously always known that nothing would ever come of her secret feelings for Nick, finally facing the futility of her fantasies was a soul-shattering experience.
He hadn’t even noticed that she’d lost weight!
All that work. For nothing!
‘It’s no trouble,’ he threw over his shoulder as he continued on up the stairs with the bags.
Sarah gritted her teeth, and hurried up the stairs after him. ‘Why aren’t you at golf?’
‘I wanted the opportunity to talk to you,’ he tossed back at her. ‘Privately.’
‘About what?’
He didn’t answer her, instead charging on ahead with her bags.
‘About what, Nick?’ she repeated when she caught up, frustrated by his lack of reply.
He ground to a halt on the top landing, dropped her bags then turned to face her.
‘Flora, for one thing.’
‘What about her? She’s not ill, is she?’
‘No, but she can’t do what she used to do. She gets very tired. This last year, I’ve had to hire a home-cleaning service to come in twice a week to do all the heavy cleaning for her.’
‘I didn’t realise.’
‘If you came home occasionally,’ Nick pointed out drily, ‘you might have noticed.’
It was a fair comment, evoking a large dose of guilt. Sarah recognised she’d been very self-obsessed this past year. But she’d been on a mission. A futile mission, as it turned out.
‘I…I’ve been very busy,’ she said by way of an excuse.
‘With the new boyfriend, I take it?’ came his next comment, this one quite sarcastic.
Sarah bristled. ‘I have a right to a social life,’ she retorted, taking off her sunglasses so that she could glare at him. ‘You have one.’
‘Indeed. But it doesn’t take over my whole existence.’
His critical tone was so typical of Nick when it came to her having a boyfriend, his condemning attitude often sparking a reckless rebellion in her that had her running off at the mouth.
Today was no exception.
‘Derek and I are very much in love. Something you could never identify with. When people are truly in love they want to spend every minute of every day with them.’
‘I’m surprised you came home today at all, then,’ he countered quite sharply. ‘Or will your lover be dropping by later?’
Sarah flushed. ‘Derek’s working today.’
‘Doing what?’
‘He owns a gym.’
‘Aah. That explains it.’
‘Explains what?’
‘Your new shape.’
So he had noticed! ‘You say that like there’s something wrong with it.’
‘You looked fine the way you were.’
Sarah’s mouth dropped open. ‘You have to be joking! I was getting fat!’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
Sarah rolled her eyes. Either the man was blind, or he cared about her so little that he’d never really looked at her before.
‘Maybe you just didn’t notice.’
Nick gave an offhand shrug. ‘Maybe I didn’t. Still, I suppose it’s not up to me to tell you what to do.’
‘I’m glad you’ve finally realised that!’
‘Meaning?’
‘I couldn’t count the number of times you’ve interfered in my life, and my relationships. Every time I brought a boyfriend home in the past, you went out of your way to make him feel stupid. And me to boot.’
‘I was only doing what your father asked me to do, Sarah. Which was to protect you from the money-grubbing creeps in this world.’
‘They weren’t money-grubbing creeps!’
‘Indeed they were.’
‘I’ll be the judge of that from now on, thank you very much.’
‘Not till your twenty-fifth birthday, madam. I have no intention of letting you fall into the hands of some gold-digging gigolo at this late stage. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I did that.’
‘Huh. I can’t see you ever losing any sleep over me.’
‘Then you’d be dead wrong, sweetheart,’ he grated out.
Their eyes met, with Sarah sucking in sharply at the momentary fury she glimpsed in Nick’s face. It came home to her then just how much he’d hated being her guardian all these years. No doubt he would be very relieved when she turned twenty-five next year and his obligation to her father was over.
‘I haven’t given you that much trouble, have I?’ she said, her softer voice reflecting her drop in spirits.
As much as she accepted Nick would never be attracted to her, she’d always thought that, underneath everything, he liked her. Not just because she was her father’s daughter, but because of the person she was. When she was younger, he’d often told her what a great kid she was. He’d said she had character, and a good heart. He’d also said she was fun to be with, proving it by spending a lot of his spare time with her.
Of course, that had been a long time ago, before Nick had become a success in his own right. When that started to happen, he’d begun to ignore her. Then, after her father died, the rot had set in completely. It was patently obvious that she was now reduced to nothing more than a responsibility, a responsibility that he obviously found both tedious and exasperating.
‘Does he know how rich you’re shortly going to be?’ he demanded to know.
Sarah’s mouth thinned. Here we go again, she thought angrily.
Yet there was no point in lying. Better she answer Nick’s questions now than to have him put Derek through the third degree on Christmas Day.
‘He knows I’m going to be rich,’ she bit out. ‘But he doesn’t know the full extent of my inheritance.’
‘He’ll know once he shows up tomorrow. People who live in this street have to be multimillionaires at least. It won’t take him long to put two and two together.’
‘Derek’s not a fortune-hunter, Nick. He’s a very decent man.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I just know.’
‘My God, you know nothing!’ he flung at her. ‘Your father thought he was protecting you with his will. Instead, he set you up for disaster. He should have given most of his money away, donated it to some charity, not left it in the hands of a girl such as you.’
‘What do you mean, a girl such as me?’
He opened his mouth to say something but then obviously thought better of it. Instead, he picked up her bags and carried them along the hallway to her room, the stiff set of his shoulders very telling. After dumping her cases just inside the door, he retreated back out into the hallway.
‘We’ll continue this discussion later,’ he said in that deceptively quiet manner he always adopted on the odd occasion when he was in danger of losing his cool.
Over the years Sarah had learned to recognise this tactic of his. Nick hated losing his temper. Hated losing control. He preferred to act like the consummate ice-man, both professionally and personally. She’d rarely heard him yell. He didn’t even swear any more, as he once had.
But his body language could speak volumes. So could his eyes.
Though not always. He did have the ability to make them totally unreadable. But not straight away. If you were watching him closely, you could sometimes glimpse what was going on in his head before he drew the blinds down.
‘We’ll have morning tea in the kitchen,’ he pronounced, ‘then we’ll adjourn to my study and talk.’
‘Not about Derek,’ Sarah retorted. ‘I have no intention of listening to you criticising someone you haven’t even met.’
‘Fair enough. But I have lots of other things to talk to you about, Sarah. Important issues connected with your inheritance. I want to have everything settled before Christmas.’
‘But I don’t turn twenty-five till February,’ she protested. ‘We have the rest of my summer break to settle things!’
‘No, we don’t. I won’t be here.’
‘Where will you be?’
‘I’m spending most of January on Happy Island.’
Sarah’s heart sank. She knew Nick had a holiday house there. But he rarely used it at this time of year.
‘Flora never said anything about that when I called.’
‘The subject probably didn’t come up.’
‘There’s still the week between Christmas and New Year,’ she argued, feeling very put out with Nick’s choosing to go away for so long.
‘Yes. But I’m having a guest stay during that week. And you have your new boyfriend, who you freely admit you wish to spend every minute of every day with. Better we settle everything whilst we have the chance.’
‘But I have to decorate the tree today.’
‘I just want a couple of hours, Sarah. Not all day.’
‘What about tonight? Can’t this wait till tonight?’
‘I’m going present-shopping tonight.’
Sarah sighed. Wasn’t that just like a man to go present-shopping at the last minute?
‘Come on,’ he said abruptly. ‘Let’s go downstairs.’
‘I need to go to the bathroom first,’ she said quite truthfully.
‘Fine,’ he replied with another offhand shrug. ‘I’ll go ahead and tell Flora to put on the kettle.’
Sarah shook her head as she watched Nick go. Derek didn’t know what he was talking about. Dolling herself up tomorrow and sucking up to a pretend boyfriend wasn’t going to make a blind bit of difference. She was nothing to Nick but an obligation that he obviously wanted over and done with. It was clear to Sarah that he couldn’t wait for her twenty-fifth birthday to arrive.
Suddenly, she felt the same way. She was sick and tired of letting her feelings for Nick distress her. Sick and tired of secretly pining for what would never be.
Time to move on, girl. Time to get yourself a life. One that doesn’t include Nick!
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