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He waited a beat. Stepped closer. “You could have been happy with me, Elise.”
Then, shaking his head with a wry smile, he asked, “How have you been? How’s your dad—your family?”
She swallowed, taken aback by the bold statement and the questions in the warm brown eyes that had never truly held her. And she realized he was wrong. She wouldn’t have been happy with him. Not the way people committing to a life together were supposed to be. Their relationship had been nice. Pleasant. Convenient.
Tepid.
They’d gotten along.
Shared interests.
Enjoyed the other’s company.
But never had there been even a fraction of the intensity she experienced with Levi. This man had been her friend.
And the reason his forcing her to choose between moving for his career and staying near her family had been so crushing was that it had felt like a betrayal from someone who should have understood.
So they’d both made the right decision. Marriage would have been a terrible mistake.
“I’ve been good, Eric. Busy. I’m trying to open my own studio, so I’m working even more than before, if you can believe it.”
That chagrined expression said he could.
Skimming over the details of her parents, she filled Eric in on her family. Primarily, the adventures of Ally pregnant, and the joy of her new nephew Dexter. When she’d finished, she found Eric watching her with something that might have been pity in his eyes.
Something she didn’t like. Crossing her arms, she took a step back.
“Sounds like the life we’d always talked about. Only it’s someone else’s.”
Deflated, she shook her head. “I just want different things these days. A studio of my own. Working toward that goal has taken up most of my time.”
“Sounds lonely.”
Lately it hadn’t felt that way. But once Levi left …
Eric set his mug on the counter between them. “Just take care of yourself, Elise. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the life we couldn’t have together.”
Something was going on with Elise.
Levi’d seen it the second she stepped into his loft. Sensed the tension and noted the way her smile didn’t match her eyes. All kinds of alarms had started sounding in his head as he braced for something he wasn’t going to want to hear. Something he wasn’t going to let happen. But then she’d walked up to him and, without a word, gone to work on his belt.
Not him.
Whatever it was. It wasn’t about him.
And that should have been enough—with any other woman it would have been. But this was Elise.
Stilling her hands at his belt, he lifted her face with a finger beneath her chin. “What’s going on?”
She blinked, as though surprised—frustrated that he’d noticed. Or frustrated that she’d let him notice.
“Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
Levi waited for her to explain, but instead Elise stared down at the floor. “No. It’s been one of those days. At the coffee shop—no, before that …”
“Hey, come here.” He pulled her into his arms, drawing in the sweet scent of her shampoo, subtly overlaid with roasted grounds.
“I should have canceled … I just thought if I saw you tonight—”
She broke off with a weary shake of her head that made the center of his chest ache as if he’d taken a blow to it. “What did you think?”
“That you’d distract me. Do what you always do and make me forget about everything else.” With each word, her eyes darkened like a swollen rain cloud about to burst. “Just for a few hours.”
“That’s what you want? Me to make you forget?” He would have liked her to confide in him. To share her burden, but maybe the distance she kept was smarter than this playacting at intimacy he couldn’t seem to resist.
“It was stupid—”
Catching the soft curve of her cheek in his palm, Levi tipped her face to meet his. Gave in to a single second of wondering how this woman had the ability to affect him so completely differently than any woman he’d met before. And then pushed every ounce of his cocky arrogance to the fore as he intentionally crowded into her space.
“What, you don’t think I can do it?” Fingers trailing lightly up her hip, waist, and ribs to graze the outer swell of her breast, he lowered his voice to a slow, seductive taunt and spoke against the soft shell of her ear. “Guess I’ve got something to prove, then.”
“Come on. You need to eat.” Levi laid the boxes of pasta all’arrabbiata, fresh baked bread, and insalata caprese across the foot of the bed as Elise curled her legs beneath her at the center.
“I know. I just lose track when there are too many things on my mind.”
Forking up a spicy penne, Levi pulled a distraught frown. “Are you telling me I didn’t distract you enough?”
Hand up to him, she clutched the sheet to her chest, laughing. “I’m distracted! I swear.”
So distracted, it was a miracle she was sitting upright and not sleeping in a boneless heap of sated exhaustion.
“Yeah, well, just in case—” He rounded the bed, coming to sit behind her as he held the pasta to her mouth, waiting for her to bite.
Delicious.
“Let’s talk about your favorite subject. The studio. Do you want to tell me about the wood you think would be best in the studios or the quotes you got on the Pilates machines? I’m game, either way.”
A weight lifted as she drifted toward the comfort of her fantasies and plans—the productive escape she used to shut out all the things beyond her control.
Even Levi saw that she’d turned talk about the club into some kind of security blanket.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head, wondering again what she would do if the studio plans fell through. She’d put everything into this one, abstract idea.
Her breath came short. “Oh, God, what if the loan doesn’t go through?”
Fingertips trailed down her spine and then the flat of his heel rubbed low across her back. “It will. Don’t worry.”
“It’s just that I can’t even imagine what I’m going to do if it doesn’t.” Peering over her shoulder at Levi stretched across the bed, she confessed, “I haven’t got another plan. I mean, it’s not as though I won’t have work. But there’s no next step. No fallback plan. I’ve put everything into this studio and suddenly I feel like if it doesn’t go through, I’m going to be left with nothing.”
Suddenly nothing held a whole new meaning for her. When things had ended with Eric she’d been upset. She’d felt abandoned. But even just twelve months ago things had been different with her parents than they were now—she’d looked into her father’s eyes and, once in a while, she’d still seen him looking back. Today, even her mother was shutting her out.
And then there was Levi. She’d never shared a connection with anyone like this before. Whether it was one-sided or completely skewed the scales in balance didn’t matter. She finally knew what it was to have someone who made her feel whole. Someone who added colors to the world she’d never seen before. Losing that, she suspected, was going to be worse than if she’d never had it at all.
And without the studio to distract her—
“No,” Levi said, cutting into her spiraling thoughts. “If it doesn’t go through you modify your plan and try something else.”
“There you go again. Always with the straightforward simple solution.” Her eyes heavied as the slow rub of his hands over her muscles calmed the tension within her. “What am I going to do when you’re gone?”
The words drifted past her lips without thought, riding on a soft sigh that ended as abruptly as the calming strokes that spurred them. It was the first time she’d said anything like that. The first time she’d acknowledged that she’d begun to rely on him. And she’d done it aloud.
Strong hands wrapped around her hips and towed her across the mattress and into Levi’s lap. Two shifts and she was laid back, held in the crook of one strong arm, while the other braced on the bed across her torso—the position somehow making her feel both protected and vulnerable all at once.
“So maybe you need a backup plan. Let’s start one.” Thick hanks of hair hung over Levi’s brow, darkening his eyes as they bored into hers. “What if you came with me?”
The words seemed to eat up all the air between them, making her “What?” come out in a wheeze that sounded far more desperate than it should have.
“If the loan doesn’t go through, why not come up to Seattle with me for a while? We’ll work on a new business plan together.” The corner of his mouth eased into that cocky grin. “As it happens, I have a knack for that sort of thing. I’m familiar with the neighborhoods you’ve been looking at around here. We could fly back a couple of times to work out the details. Meanwhile, you could see SoundWave coming together. The grand opening will knock your socks off.”
She had no doubt. Especially considering she was stunned to the point of being blown over already.
He wasn’t supposed to ask her to go.
Granted, what he was talking about was temporary. Nothing more than an extension to their affair with the added bonus of access to his business savvy. Only she still couldn’t get enough air in her lungs and started to shimmy out of his hold. “A new business plan?”
Levi followed her out of the bed. “It’d be a few months. We’re having fun, so why not?”
Why not? Why not? Why not?
It was like a cruel joke without a punch line.
A million reasons. All flashing through her mind in the faces she loved too much to abandon.
“I can’t. My family is here.” And even if she wasn’t leaving for good, a few months was too long to risk being gone. Too much could happen in that time and what if they needed her? This week with her mom alone demonstrated just how quickly things could change. No. She couldn’t leave.
“Besides—” she pushed all the confidence she could muster into her voice “—the loan’s going to go through, right?”
“Right.” That cocky smile closed in on her and then Levi pressed a quick, hard kiss to her lips before striding from the room.
She’d blown him off, thank God.
Heart slamming in his chest, fists locked around the edges of the porcelain sink, Levi stared hard into the bathroom mirror.
What in the hell had he been doing, suggesting Elise come to Seattle? It made no sense. Her life was here. Firmly and solidly rooted in all the things she’d never give up. And he was a rolling stone. Practiced in kicking off the moss that amounted to a superficial collection of employees, acquaintances, and belongings accumulated during the development of each club.
It was what he did.
He moved on. Alone.
So what was he doing asking Elise to come with him?
Sure, it wasn’t as if he’d been proposing. He’d basically invited her to a two-month, off-site tutorial on how to set up a new business—and only if her current plans fell through. He cared about her, of course. She was a sweet girl with ambitions he could respect and a struggle he could relate to. So he’d offered some help, figuring it would give them both time to get their fill of whatever it was between them.
He hadn’t been trying to keep her.
Never expected her to agree.
Truth be told, the fact that Elise turned him down flat made her all the more appealing. He hadn’t thought it possible, but she wanted even less from this relationship than he did.
Perfect.
Man, he was a head case.
Pushing back from the too intense guy in the mirror, Levi shook off the tension from his close call. Ignored the nagging tug at his gut and the faintly bitter taste of something he couldn’t quite swallow in his throat.
Maybe tomorrow he’d ease back some with Elise. Only as he swung open the door and caught sight of the bare length of skin exposed as she leaned over the pasta—the tentative smile that seemed to stretch wider with his own—he forgot about any plan he had beyond being with her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
RESTLESS beneath a cover of thin cotton, Elise followed the streak of late-night headlights as they stole through the slats in the blinds and cut a path across her bedroom ceiling.
Though Seattle hadn’t come up once in the week since Levi mentioned it, the moment was never far from her mind.
He hadn’t been pressing for a commitment. She knew that.
Levi had been clear about the temporary nature of the invitation extended. That all he was talking about was a couple of months. A little more fun.
Except Elise couldn’t stop reading it as more than that. She couldn’t stop her thoughts at the point where Levi told her they’d play a little longer before he sent her packing back home with a shiny new plan for a future that would take place in a different state than the one where he resided. No, she couldn’t leave well enough alone. She’d had to take it a step further … to the fact they shouldn’t have been anything but a single night. But already it had been a month and still Levi didn’t think he was going to be ready to give her up by the time he needed to leave. He’d reconsidered his plans, again.
Queasy nerves stirred her belly and Elise rolled to her side, tucking her knees up close.
Now Levi was suggesting—albeit, only as an alternative if her loan was denied—they turn the single month that remained into another three? What then?
Nothing was as set in stone as she’d believed entering the relationship. Levi had destroyed the security she’d had in knowing that, no matter how much she’d begun to care for him, there were those hard and fast rules, inflexible boundaries that kept her from getting in too deep. From finding herself in another position where she had to choose.
By changing the rules, he’d given her license to envision possibilities she never would have before. Scenarios that revolved around forbidden words like somehow, what if, and just maybe. Words that dared her to hope and all but promised heartbreak.
The phone beside her bed flashed bright with a text alert and her belly did a little flip, her body coming alive as all the doubts and worries weighing on her evaporated into thin air. “You awake?”
She dialed him back. “It’s two in the morning. Of course I’m awake.”
A gruff laugh answered, then, “Hmm, so not sleeping … but tell me you’re already in bed.”
“I am,” she murmured, adjusting the pillow behind her head. “Where are you?”
“In my car. I was on my way home and thought I’d swing by if you were up.”
This time it was Elise laughing. “On your way home? Considering the only thing between your club and apartment is a layer of concrete and some insulation, I’m wondering how you found yourself in the car.”
“Call it a driving urge … but enough about that. What are you wearing?”
Her thighs shifted together in a sensual rub that was all about anticipation and the low, gravel-rough sound of Levi’s voice. “Why do you want to know?”
“Because I’ve got about five minutes until I get there and I’m about to give you some very detailed, very specific instructions. Timing is everything.”
Elise smiled, her eyes drifting closed. “In that case, I’m not wearing anything at all.”
Hours later Levi woke alone in Elise’s bed, that sleepy contentment he always felt waking there crumbling at the sound of a muffled voice down the hall. Following it, he stopped at the front room.
Elise stood with her back to him, phone at her ear. Spine rigid beneath her thin robe. The tension radiating off her hit him before her words. “How long?” Then, “No, I’m not ready. Give me ten minutes … I’ll call you back.”
“Everything okay?” he asked when she’d disconnected the call and begun pulling on her jeans without her underwear. He was a dog for noticing when something was clearly wrong, but he was also a guy. And guys didn’t miss that kind of thing.
Unwilling to look at him, she nodded once. “That was Ally. There’s a … situation. I’ve got to take off. I’m sorry, but you should probably go home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“There’s a situation. At four in the morning. And you think I should just take off?” Crossing to her, he caught her chin in his palm, forced her to face him and saw the shadows in her eyes. Shadows he’d only glimpsed in her most unguarded moments. The ones he’d wondered about, but were gone so quickly, he’d always just let pass. But not tonight. “There’s no way I’m leaving without finding out what’s going on.”
And short of some husband she’d forgotten to mention being on his way home, he wasn’t leaving then. Okay, chances were good he wouldn’t leave regardless.
Her chin took on a stubborn set and he wondered if she’d refuse him flat. Tell him to take a leap. Only beneath that stubborn jut broke the barest tremor. A crack in the façade she was trying to maintain.
Pulling her into his chest, he ran a hand over the tumble of curls that framed her face against his pillow like a wild halo. He’d half expected her to pull away, but her hands crept up between them and her forehead pressed against the center of his chest.
Whatever this was, it was bad. He didn’t know what was wrong. He just knew that in that moment she needed him.
Drawing a shaky breath, she took a step back, quickly arranging the features of her face to disguise the pull of fear and sorrow it was too late to hide. “It’s my dad. He’s … missing.”
Everything inside Levi came to a grinding halt. Missing.
Immediately Levi started flipping through the details he knew about her father … found his scowl deepening as he came up blank. Which didn’t seem possible. The way he knew Elise—the way she talked to him for hours at a stretch about her dreams for the studio, about books and movies, about local politics and pop culture, about her sister’s family …
But not her parents.
Parents, family and home life were subjects Levi was a master of avoiding. But until that very minute, he hadn’t realized how easy Elise had made it. Because she’d been avoiding them too.
Sure, there’d been a handful of stories from her youth. All white-picket perfection. A few more from high school. But nothing current. And yet he hadn’t even noticed.
Which took skill. The kind gained through practice.
Suddenly the ground beneath him felt loose and ready to give.
What was she trying to hide?
As he stared into the troubled eyes of a woman he cared too much about, ugly scenarios he didn’t want to consider rose to the surface of his consciousness.
“Heaven help us, Elise, tell me what’s going on.”
Elise swallowed, nervously checking the phone still clutched in her palm. “My father was diagnosed six years ago with Alzheimer’s. He doesn’t work, and my mother takes care of him at home.” After a breath, she turned to him, her eyes brimming with helpless tears. “Tonight she woke up and he was gone. The car and keys are still there, and so are his shoes. My mom’s got to stay at the house in case he comes back. She’s the only one who might be able to calm him down. They’ve already called the police and David’s driving around, but Ally’s home with Dex, and he needs another set of eyes.”
Levi nodded, the well of relief within him nearly enough to bring him to his knees. Alzheimer’s was a tragedy. And he pitied Elise’s entire family for the toll it had taken on their lives. But the scenarios he’d begun to imagine … had been much, much worse. What was wrong with Elise wasn’t about some seedy secret. It wasn’t a trip down a bottle-littered memory lane. And it wasn’t anything he could fix. But a missing parent was something he understood all too well.
“Okay, sweetheart. Call Ally back. Here’s what we’re going to do …”
An hour later, they were working their way through the grid of neighborhoods surrounding Elise’s parents’ home. Levi driving as Elise scanned the alleyways, sidewalks and gaps between parked cars. Ally riding with David, while one of Levi’s HeadRush managers, who happened to have six younger siblings, stayed with Dexter.
Elise stared out the window, eyes searching. “I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
Levi shot her a questioning glance.
“About my family being so great. You said they sounded perfect, and I told you they were because that’s how it used to be. And sometimes, maybe, I’d just rather pretend it still was.”
Levi watched the road. Taking in her admission and turning it around in his head. Knowing this was the opportunity to come clean himself. Ease her conscience by telling her about his own past.
Instead, he said, “You don’t need to apologize, Elise. You don’t owe me anything you aren’t comfortable sharing. But for the record, if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”
Her lips pressed into a flat line as she nodded too quickly, blinking back tears.
“It’s just hard for me to talk about. Hard to deal with. But at least if I’m the only one dealing with it, then when I don’t want to think about it—when I want to pretend it’s like it always was, I can. If you don’t know what’s happening, then you won’t ask me what kind of day my dad is having. What the latest news is on his medication. If he’s getting worse.” She swallowed, and closed her eyes a second before snapping them back open and scanning the streets.
Levi slowed the car, giving her time to reassure herself she hadn’t missed anything. Settling back into her seat, she went on. “Sometimes I just need to forget—be someone without all the worries.”
Someone without all the worries.
He understood the need to be someone else for a while. To take a break from the problems. But he also understood something else. “This is why you can’t come with me. Why leaving town, even for a few months, isn’t an option.”
“And why the studio is so important. It’s not just for me.”
No, he’d imagined it wouldn’t be. “What are you thinking?”
“That my mom’s spent the last six years at home taking care of my dad. Giving up a little more of herself each year, because she wouldn’t consider giving up the time she had left with him. Didn’t want to risk speeding up the progression of the disease with a change in surroundings or by bringing in unfamiliar faces. She just kept telling us she could handle it. Refusing to even consider that Dad might be at a point where he needs more help than she can give him. But after this—something has to change. And she’s going to need something to do. A place to go, to start rebuilding a life that doesn’t revolve around someone who mostly doesn’t know who she is anymore.”
He got it. “And you’re going to be ready. With a place for her to come.”
“She needs to be around people again. Get out of that house for more than a trip to the doctor’s office. The studio would be a base where she could spend some time with me. If she wanted to work, she could help out with the child care or handle the front retail area. I just want her to have options. I want to give her something she can count on.”
Because Elise knew what it was to feel as if her options were gone. To suddenly have everything she’d counted on taken away. Levi’s fists clenched over the wheel.
Yeah, now he got it, all right.
He hated that she had to go through this. But at least she wasn’t alone now. He’d stay with her, searching, for as long as she needed him to.
Reaching over, he slipped his hand beneath the tumble of silky curls at Elise’s neck. “We’ll find him.” He just hoped to hell it was the truth.
Twenty minutes later, the phone chimed to life, the screen illuminating behind the white-knuckled grasp of Elise’s fingers.
Slowing at a deserted intersection, he waited as she quickly connected the call.
“What’s going on?” she asked, still scanning the sidewalks. And then her head dropped forward, her free hand covering her face, and something wrenched deep inside his chest.
“Thank God. Where? … I can be there in … Are you sure?… Okay, I’ll see you then.”
Disconnecting, she turned to him, eyes shimmering bright.
“He’s okay?” he asked.