Game Ekvilibro. Philosophy of Balance
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«The first step toward change is to become aware of your emotion, your worn-out program. Ask yourself: what thoughts do I want to activate in my brain?» — Joe Dispenza
«To act intelligently, you need more than intellect.» — Fyodor Dostoevsky
«The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from everywhere: from the sky, from the earth, from the rustle of paper, from fleeting forms, from a spider’s web.» — Pablo Picasso
«Suppressed emotions don’t disappear. They’ve been silenced. And they continue to influence a person from within.» — Sigmund Freud
«For effective functioning in today’s world, it is necessary to develop emotional intelligence, the heart of the Fourth Industrial Revolution.» — Klaus Martin Schwab
«Emotions make us human. They make us who we are.» — Robert Kiyosaki
«Let us not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives, and we obey them without realizing it.» — Vincent van Gogh
«Between stimulus and response there is always time. In that time we choose how to respond. And in that choice lies our freedom.» — Viktor Frankl
Reading these aphorisms, you can understand quite a lot about emotions — almost everything, broadly speaking. But humanity is not prepared to stop at «broad strokes»: we classify everything. That is why a modern theory of Emotional Intelligence was born at Yale University (USA).
Let’s start in order. To identify our emotions and emotional states accurately, we need to know them and label them correctly. And, as you’ll agree, this is not always easy — sometimes it’s simpler to assemble furniture from an instruction manual than to make sense of your own feelings.
The first person to define emotion — strange as it may sound — was Charles Darwin. While developing his theory of evolution, he carefully studied mammals’ reactions and noticed that biologically primitive animals display remarkably similar responses to the same environmental stimuli. For example, when a weaker animal encounters a stronger one, the former produces a highly predictable reaction. This reaction helps it assess the situation and pushes it toward flight or attack, increasing its chances of survival. (Although, of course, it’s hard to estimate the survival chances of a small mutt barking at an elephant — but as they say, every era has its heroes. Let’s leave this scientific oddity in parentheses.)
So, this animal reaction is nothing other than the emotions of fear or anger. Darwin established that all mammals possess primitive, or basic, emotions. In humans, however, emotions evolved and became quite complex — growing into feelings. Now we don’t merely run from a saber-toothed tiger. We can simultaneously be angry at our boss, feel sad about the rain outside, and secretly rejoice that a meeting was cancelled. Still, these emotions continue to help us handle everyday tasks. It is the presence of complex emotions and feelings that distinguishes us from animals. Although, to be honest, feline contempt sometimes looks far more expressive than all our attempts to keep our composure in a dead-end situation.
Now for the official definition.
An emotion is a short-term reaction of the organism to an external or internal stimulus, to an object, or to another person.
Emotions can be triggered by works of art, music, photos, film, and theatre. In everyday life they are often divided into positive and negative. Based on this distinction, people frequently recommend «staying positive» and «not reacting to negativity.» Sometimes it sounds like: «In my universe, that doesn’t exist.» It will… We are all interconnected — with one another and with this world. From the scientific standpoint of Emotional Intelligence, dividing emotions into positive and negative is fundamentally wrong. All emotions — both «negative» and «positive» — help us make decisions and take action. In other words, they provide information that we can use.
It is more accurate to divide emotions into pleasant and unpleasant. Pleasant emotions include, for example: delight, surprise, joy, trust, serenity. Unpleasant emotions include: anger, disgust, displeasure, sadness, sorrow, fear.
In addition, emotions can be divided into two more types: high-energy and low-energy:
— Pleasant, high-energy emotions include delight and surprise. They give us energy for work and creativity.
— Pleasant, low-energy emotions include acceptance and trust. These emotions help us understand ourselves and the world around us.
The same can be said about unpleasant emotions. The strongest unpleasant emotion, with the highest energy, is rage. This emotion is close to affect; it cannot be controlled. Actions under rage are destructive. The weakest unpleasant emotion — one that drains a person’s energy — is grief.
You’ve probably noticed that there are many more unpleasant emotions than pleasant ones! As if the Universe decided we must take an intensive course in «mindful irritability.» This is especially true for those obsessively «living on the positive»: their fight with negativity resembles trying to scoop out the ocean with a teaspoon — while discovering, along the way, that the ocean is being replenished. But that’s not our point.
In his theory of evolution, Darwin showed that pleasant emotions are like a generous sponsor: they help us explore the world, negotiate with others, and generally feel that life is not only work, deadlines, and queues at the post office. In a calm state we are ready to create and build. Unpleasant emotions, by contrast, are our inner security service. For example:
— Anger is a personal bodyguard that helps us defend boundaries.
— Disgust is a sanitary inspector protecting us from suspicious items in the fridge.
— Fear is that very friend who whispers: «Maybe you shouldn’t go into that dark basement.»
— Sadness is a wise therapist helping us process loss.
That’s why there are so many unpleasant emotions: they operate 24/7 so we don’t forget that life sometimes resembles an obstacle course rather than a resort. Trying to live without them is like going on a hike without a first-aid kit: inspiring in theory, risky in practice.
A healthy psyche is one that can experience both the delight of morning coffee and the mild despair of seven unread messages from your boss after hours. Together, pleasant and unpleasant emotions create the inner balance that allows us to remain whole — like yin and yang, only with more user-friendly instructions. And yes, sometimes with permission to be a little angry at the world.
Why are emotions sometimes very intense, and sometimes barely present at all? To answer this, we need to introduce the concept of a person’s values — what matters to us morally and aesthetically. If, during a conversation with you, another person suddenly experiences a strong emotion, know that you have touched one of their values. The intensity of the emotion indicates how significant that value is for them. If a stimulus does not touch any of our values, the emotion will be weak — or may not arise at all. For example, if you are indifferent to something, it means there is no value there for you. Values are one of the keys to understanding why emotions arise.
A Theory of Emotional Development
To identify your state precisely, you need to choose the right emotion. In 1980, Robert Plutchik (PhD, Columbia University) published an article and later, in 2002, a book presenting his psychoevolutionary theory of emotions. Today it is a foundational work describing virtually all of our emotional reactions. According to Plutchik, there are eight basic emotions characteristic of all mammals. (Of course, someone will always dispute this and is ready to question even the multiplication table. What can you do — we are all emotional beings!) If you observe your cat or dog, you will always notice one of them. Though sometimes it seems a pet experiences complex social emotions — for example, guilt for chewing your slipper. But perhaps that is simply fear of your indignant face.
«Basic emotions are hypothetical constructs or idealized states whose properties and characteristics can only be inferred from different kinds of evidence.» — Robert Plutchik (psychoevolutionary theory of emotions)
The basic emotions are joy, fear, surprise, trust, interest, anger, sadness, and disgust (see Appendix for more detail). In addition to the basic emotions, there are 19 primary emotions. Other complex emotions and feelings are built — like bricks — from combinations of these 27.
All emotions are grouped into triads — «families» with different degrees of intensity. For example, if you feel boredom (low intensity), over time it may grow into displeasure (medium intensity), and from there it’s not far to disgust (maximum intensity). Imagine watching commercials for three hours straight — there’s your triad in action.
All triads of emotional development were combined into the so-called emotional thermometer, which you can see in the Emotional Thermometer:
Triads are a kind of emotional elevator: how we move from mild sadness to total «everything is ruined.» The first emotions in the triads — interest, acceptance, anxiety, sadness — are manageable. For example, when you wake up and realize you’ve overslept a bit, you feel mild anxiety. But while it stays at the «I should hurry» level, you can still make it out the door without forgetting everything. It’s a teasing emotion you can rein in. But if sadness grows into sorrow, and anxiety into fear, things change. Imagine your anxiety about oversleeping reaches 5 points: you’re already annoyed with yourself, rushing, and of course you lose your keys somewhere in the depths of the apartment. If fear spikes to 10 points, you’re no longer just «hurrying» — you’re mentally rehearsing excuses. And then you remember that today is the most important meeting. Stupor. Terror. The strongest emotions in the triads — fury, awe, grief, disgust, rage — are beyond conscious control.
A feeling is the sum of several emotions. In Plutchik’s model, simple feelings consist of two basic emotions:
— Love = Joy + Trust
— Submission = Trust + Fear
— Contempt = Anger + Disgust
More complex feelings are a mix of three or more emotions. For example, in Plutchik’s framework love is simple, but in real life it may include all 27 emotions. Why not? Life happens.
An emotional state is no longer an emotion — it is a prolonged experience that arises after an emotional reaction. For example, after watching a profound film, an «aftertaste» may remain: not a short-lived emotion, but not yet a fully formed feeling. This state helps us process what we experienced and understand ourselves better.
Using Emotional States Effectively
Emotional states can be used virtuously — without trying to «fix» them immediately. Try proofreading contracts in a state of mild sadness. I guarantee you won’t miss a single typo, even if it’s hiding in a footnote in tiny print. Why? It’s simple: emotions conduct our psyche like a maestro conducts an orchestra. They affect:
— Attention. In fear, it darts around like a kitten chasing a laser pointer. In sadness, it concentrates.
— Thinking. Fear forces thoughts to run in circles. Joy spreads its wings — and suddenly you solve a problem you considered impossible yesterday.
— Memory. Do you remember your first kiss in detail? And that classmate you merely sat next to? Exactly.
Emotions influence actions. They create engagement in a given activity — conscious or unconscious. Moreover, if we take a task and look at it from different emotional states (different moods), it appears to us more fully. And finally, there is such a thing as emotional empathy — when we understand another person’s emotion.
For those who prefer precise coordinates in the world of emotions, there is the Mood Meter. Imagine a map with two axes: «pleasant—unpleasant» and «energy from minimum to maximum» (see Figure). This is your personal navigator. Using the Mood Meter, we can determine which quadrant we are in and decide how to handle specific issues.
— In the yellow quadrant (pleasant + high energy), you can generate ideas, write poetry, and plan your ascent of Everest.
— In the blue quadrant (unpleasant + low energy), it’s the perfect time for documents. Even monotony won’t irritate you.
— The red quadrant (unpleasant + high energy) is the territory of healthy aggression. It’s a good time for difficult negotiations, launching projects, setting boundaries, achieving goals, and defending your rights.
— And in the green quadrant (pleasant + low energy), it’s good to contemplate eternal questions and have unhurried conversations.
By understanding your emotion and the approximate quadrant it occupies, you can use it. I’ll give another scheme with emotions laid out in it.
If we control our emotion and avoid unconscious actions, we can channel its energy into something constructive. When you notice an unpleasant emotion in yourself, don’t rush to expel it. Ask: «How can I use this resentment/anger/sadness?» Maybe today is the day to say «no» to someone who has been taking advantage of you for too long. Or to write an angry (but well-argued) letter.
If, however, the unpleasant emotion weighs on you, it’s time to learn to manage it with the help of the Game.
Mood meter
Mood meter with emotions
Conclusion on Emotions
After these examples, it’s unlikely we can speak of the unambiguous benefit of pleasant emotions and the unconditional harm of unpleasant ones. As we have seen, our emotional kitchen is far more complex.
Doctors have repeatedly been struck by certain facts. During intense and prolonged periods of emotional tension caused by extreme situations, the number of not only psychosomatic but also common cold illnesses decreases significantly. However, this is characteristic only of those who, in these difficult and dangerous conditions, showed readiness to keep fighting for life and human dignity — that is, who kept searching and, possibly, experienced the emotion of interest and a feeling of curiosity. Search activity is the factor of health, and refusal of search activity is the cause of illness. Thus, the emotions that are useful are those that lead to search activity. It doesn’t matter whether we stop searching for ways out of unpleasant situations or explore something out of curiosity. The important thing is to keep searching and to keep finding interests in life.
Refusing to move forward stops search activity and creates preconditions for reduced stress tolerance and the development of illness. Curiously, reduced stress tolerance and illness often occur in people who have achieved their goals: «I’ve accomplished everything. I don’t need anything else; there’s nothing to strive for.» This state is about отказ from searching. If you feel satisfied and have ended your search, it may not be as good as it seems at first glance. This is yet another pair of dualities that cannot exist without each other; as you understand, the truth lies somewhere in between — in equilibrium.
Emotional Intelligence
As you’ve understood, the part of the book about emotions is just as important as the main part. Without correctly identifying your inner emotional state, it will be quite difficult to use the Game. Imagine trying to play chess while a small child is screaming next to you — this is what attempting to act rationally in the midst of an emotional hurricane looks like. Emotional Intelligence helps us calm this hurricane. Each of us has it almost from birth. Some people have a higher level; some lower. People with a high level of EI will find it easier to play than people with a low level. The good news is that EI can be trained. So what is it?
Sometimes I hear that there are countless concepts of Emotional Intelligence. The main laurel branch went to Daniel Goleman, who popularized his view of it. Goleman stated that «At best, intelligence quotient (IQ) influences 20%, and emotional intelligence (EI) determines 80% of success in life.» Much of the subsequent hype happened precisely because of this very promising claim. If there truly were a single psychological «secret ingredient» predicting success with such probability, it would be the greatest discovery since the invention of the wheel.
Now to the essentials. The term «emotional intelligence» was first introduced into psychology by John Mayer and Peter Salovey (Salovey, Mayer, 1990). They defined emotional intelligence as the ability to perceive and express emotions (recognize), to assimilate emotion and thought (use), to understand and explain emotions, and to regulate emotions (manage) (Mayer, Salovey, 1997).
Emotional Intelligence is a clearly defined and measurable ability to recognize emotions, understand their causes, manage them, and flexibly use emotions to improve the effectiveness of thinking and the solving of tasks at hand.
You can check your level of Emotional Intelligence quite accurately with a simple, almost primal question: «When I’m triggered, do I immediately act — or do I pause and think?» Those who don’t pause have a lower level of EI. Their life motto is: «Press the red button first; figure out what it did later.» This can be represented by the following scheme, called the mechanism of emotional responding.
Diagram of the emotional response mechanism
So, under the influence of a stimulus — external (someone steps on your foot) or internal (you remember that someone stepped on your foot) — an emotion arises. We cannot influence its appearance; it flares up like a spark. And here, at this critical moment, our EI steps onto the stage (or gets delayed somewhere backstage). What do we do to make it work effectively? Everything ingenious is simple. After an emotion arises, take a pause and ask yourself three simple, almost philosophical questions:
— What am I feeling right now? (Rage? Resentment? A burning desire to prove I’m right?)
— What do I want to do? (Yell? Slam the door? Send a sarcastic message?)
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