A Love For Lizzie

Pushing through the small circle of emergency responders, she cried out, “Paul! What’s happening?”

He looked into eyes the same light blue color as Lizzie’s. He saw Susan Miller’s fear for her husband’s health. Quietly he answered, “Mrs. Miller, I can’t be sure. But the paramedic thinks it could be a heart attack.”

The woman let out a sob and rushed alongside the gurney. Her midcalf-length black skirt flapped against her legs. “Joseph! Joseph!” she called out to her husband.

A younger medic caught up with her. “I can let you ride with your husband, but I need you to sit in the front. Do you think you can do that?” he asked.

Susan nodded, casting a glance around the tall man until her gaze found Lizzie. “Lizzie! I need you to come.”

“I’m afraid we can only take one family member.”

Lizzie’s mamm looked as if she were about to burst into tears. Paul watched as she tucked her lower lip between her teeth, squared her shoulders and nodded at the man. Her hands trembled as she reached for the door.

Paul helped her into the front seat of the ambulance, making sure she had the seat belt firmly in place. “I’ll see that she gets to the hospital.”

“Run down to Helen Meyer’s haus. Maybe she can help you get Lizzie to the hospital,” Lizzie’s mamm said.

“We need to get going,” the driver said, putting the rig in gear.

Paul shut the door. Lizzie’s mother smiled nervously from behind the window and nodded as they drove away.

Paul knew what had to be done. He would get Lizzie to the hospital. How could he not?

After the ambulance left, Paul realized he couldn’t take the wagon into Jamestown. The trip would take a few hours by horse, and he couldn’t be sure Lizzie’s vader would survive. They needed to get there as quickly as possible. As Mrs. Miller suggested, he ended up running down to find their Englisch neighbor Helen Meyers, who was standing at the end of her driveway.

“I just saw the ambulance leave the Millers’. What’s going on?”

“It looks like Joseph might have had a heart attack,” Paul responded. Before he could even ask, she graciously offered to take them to the hospital.

“It was a blessing that I filled up my gas tank this morning.”

Paul nodded politely. “I’ll repay you for the gas.”

“There’s no need for that.” She hastened to give him a smile. “We’re neighbors and, Englischer or Plain, neighbors help each other out. Let’s hurry—we don’t want to keep Lizzie waiting.”

He followed her to the back of the driveway and got into the passenger seat of the blue four-door sedan. They found Lizzie standing along the edge of the road, near the Millers’ mailbox. Paul got out and opened the back door, letting Lizzie slide across the seat first. He joined her, barely closing the door before Mrs. Meyers sped off.

Paul turned his head to look at Lizzie. He could see the tight lines around her mouth. She kept her eyes focused straight ahead.

He started to reach out his hand to cover hers but thought better of it. Even though years had passed since the tragedy that shook the Miller family, there were days when Lizzie still seemed so fragile to him. Today would have been a rough day even without her vader’s heart attack.

“Today is the day my bruder died, and my vader suffers from a heart attack. I don’t understand the workings of God.”

“It’s not for us to question his motives, Lizzie.”

“I know.” She turned to look out the window.

They rode the rest of the way in silence. Before they knew it, Helen pulled her car in front of the hospital entrance.

“I’ll let you off here so you can hurry to the emergency room. I’m going to park in the main lot.”

“Please, Mrs. Meyers, you don’t need to stay. I will find a way home,” Lizzie said.

“She’s right, there’s no need for you to spend your day here. I’ll make sure Lizzie gets home. We appreciate your help.” He thanked her again as they left the car.

He cupped Lizzie’s elbow and escorted her through the automatic sliding doors. They whooshed closed behind them. He felt her tense up as people stared at them as they walked over to the reception area. His heart squeezed as he watched Lizzie tip her head down and raise her hand to cover her scarred face. The strongest urge to protect her welled up inside of him. He took a deep breath before coming to a stop at the receptionist’s counter, which was closed off with big sliding glass windows.

Paul tapped lightly on the window, getting the young woman’s attention. She gave him a hard look. Paul attempted a smile. She slid one of the panels open.

“May I help you?”

“My friend, Miss Miller’s father, was brought in by ambulance a short time ago. We were hoping you could direct us to where we can find him.”

“Can I have the name of the patient, please?”

“Joseph Miller.”

The woman typed his name into the computer sitting on her desk, then slid a clipboard across the narrow counter space that separated them, saying, “I’ll need you to sign in here, please. And then have a seat in the waiting area. I’ll call you when you can go down to the Emergency Room.”

“How long do you think it will be?” Lizzie asked.

“I’m not sure.”

Paul picked up the clipboard and handed it to Lizzie, along with a pen. He waited for Lizzie to add her name and then did the same. When they were finished, she exchanged the list for two visitor stickers, which they both stuck to the front of their shirts. He turned and spotted two dark green vinyl chairs set apart from the main waiting area.

“Come on—” he nodded in that direction “—let’s go over there to wait.”

Lizzie went ahead of him and sank down into the first chair. He sat in the chair next to her. A long row of windows ran behind their backs. A low coffee table filled with dog-eared magazines separated them. His gaze settled on her. She sat on the edge of the cushioned seat, with her back hunched over and her hands clenched together on her lap. He felt so helpless and wanted to calm her nerves as best he could. He saw her take in a breath and then slowly exhale.

“Lizzie.” He spoke her name in a low voice. “I’m sure your vader is in good hands. All will be well, I’m sure.”

She pressed her lips together and nodded, keeping her eyes on the double doors at the far end of the room.

“I pray that he is. Danke for staying with me. I know you have other things you need to be doing,” she said, keeping her voice low, as well.

Paul thought about how he’d originally planned to spend the day. For months now he’d had his mind set on breaking away from his family’s furniture business. And he’d decided that this morning, after he’d gone to see Lizzie, would be the time he’d tell his vader about his plan to set up his own furniture shop. His vader’s furniture was very basic and serviceable. But Paul had always favored adding more detail to the pieces, while his vader liked to keep it plain and simple, a reflection of their way of life.

He’d been lucky to find a vacant storefront right next to the general store in the village of Clymer, a few miles south of their settlement. The rent on the space was good, too good to pass up. Not wanting to miss out, Paul had made a verbal agreement with the owner to lease the space. If everything went according to plan, he’d have the doors open as soon as possible. First he had to convince his vader to let him move forward. But deep down Paul knew he would risk the man’s censure to follow his dream of owning his own business.

“I’ve heard rumors about you. About your plans for the future.”

The sound of Lizzie’s soft voice snapped him out of his reverie. “Who told you?”

“Though our land is vast, we live in a very close-knit community. Word gets out,” Lizzie answered. She turned a thoughtful blue-eyed gaze to him. “Are you sure you want to break from your family business?”

He nodded. “I don’t see it as breaking away. Maybe the move could be more of an expansion of the business. I’ve started to pick out the pieces I’m going to sell at the new store. It’s been a dream of mine for a very long time. Sort of like you and your paintings.” He grinned at her.

“I don’t do my paintings for profit.”

“No, you don’t. But I—” His explanation was interrupted when he heard Lizzie’s name being called.

“Come on, I think there’s some news.” Paul guided her over to the reception area. Once there, the woman instructed them on how to get to the emergency room.

He started through the doors and turned back when he realized Lizzie wasn’t with him. She stood in the doorway to the long corridor, pale as a ghost. Her blue eyes were wide as she stared down the hallway.

Rushing over to her, he took her trembling hands in his. “Lizzie, your vader is going to be all right. I know it. Joseph is a strong man. As strong as the oxen he uses to plow the fields.”

She shook her head. “That’s not what I’m thinking about.”

He furrowed his brow in confusion. And then it dawned on him. On the day of the accident that had taken her bruder’s life and left her injured, the ambulance had brought her to this very hospital.

“Lizzie. I’ll be by your side the whole time. I promise,” Paul said.

“The last time I was in this building was all those years ago. I don’t remember everything. Just...there was so much blood.” She started to pull away.

* * *

She felt Paul place his hand under her elbow. For a brief moment Lizzie allowed herself to take comfort from his touch. It would be so easy to let him take the lead, but Lizzie wanted to be strong for her family. As they made their way down a long hallway, she tried hard to ignore the antiseptic smell. The acrid scent brought to mind what little she remembered about that long-ago day. She covered the scar on her face with a hand, feeling the soft ridge of skin, remembering the blood.

Lizzie jumped as the sound of Paul’s voice jarred her back to the present.

“Here we are.” He looked down at her and then nodded in the direction of the emergency room.

Lizzie appreciated the concern in his eyes, even though it did little to calm her nerves.

“Are you going to be okay?”

She dropped her hand against her side, nodding. Lizzie walked with him through another set of sliding glass doors and looked around the brightly lit area. It wasn’t long before she saw her mamm’s plain black shoes poking out from beneath a curtained-off section of the large room. Heading that way, Lizzie slowly pulled back the white curtain and peeked in. Her vader lay on a narrow bed, with wires coming out from beneath a white blanket that covered him. His eyes were closed and his face looked very pale. Thankfully his chest rose and fell in a regular rhythm. Her gaze followed the cords to a monitor on a pole. She heard the beeping of his heart and saw a wavy line running across the flat screen.

“Dochder. You shouldn’t be here.” Her father’s weak voice startled her.

Lizzie stepped into the tiny space, while her mamm stood to gather her in a hug. “It’s going to be all right,” she whispered against Lizzie’s ear.

“I’m worried about you, Vader.”

“I’m...” He paused, struggling to take a deep breath. “I’m going to be out of here in time for the next milking.”

Her mamm gasped. “No, Joseph. That is not what the doctor said.”

“What did they say, mamm?” Lizzie wanted to know.

“They could tell from the EKG that they ran in the ambulance that he’s had a mild heart attack. He needs to stay here for a few more days while they run some more tests. They want to do a procedure called a catheterization to see if there is any damage to your vader’s heart.”

“I won’t be here for any of that,” her vader grumbled. “I am in the middle of the first harvest. It’s not like I have a strong son who can take over.”

Lizzie stiffened at her father’s harsh words. She knew better than he what the family had lost. Even though he’d never come out and accused her, she knew he blamed her for David’s death. She felt her mamm give her hand a quick squeeze.

She released Lizzie, then walked across the polished black-and-white floor tiles to her husband’s bedside. She took his hand in hers and kissed the top of it.

Very quietly, but with a firmness in her tone, she said, “Joseph, you will do exactly as the doctors tell you.”

“But who will take care of the cows and the crops?”

Paul and a tall man dressed in Plain clothes entered their room. Lizzie recognized Amos Yoder, one of the elders in their church district. He stood at the foot of her father’s bed, wearing dark pants and a crisp white shirt tucked beneath his black suspenders. On his head he wore a dark brimmed hat with a black band.

“Joseph,” he said, his deep voice resonating throughout the space. “You will not worry about your crops or your cows. The men and I can each spare a son to help out until you are well enough. The boys will rotate their days.”

Her vader sighed. He avoided making eye contact with her. “See, this mess has already brought the two of you away from your work.”

“It was nothing, Joseph. I was at the house, visiting already, and didn’t mind coming with Lizzie to the hospital,” Paul said.

Taking her mamm aside, Lizzie knew she and Paul had stayed past their time. And she didn’t want to be the cause of any more stress for her vader.

“Mamm, I think I’ll go home. I’ve kept Paul here long enough, and I have much to tend to back at the house.”

“Ja, Lizzie, you go home. If there are men working at our fields and in our barns, they will eventually need to be fed. You must cook for them.”

“Ja. Of course.” Her mamm led her back to her vader’s bedside so she could say goodbye. “Vader, I don’t want you to worry about the farm. I can help keep things running.” Lizzie tried her best to put on a brave front. But the truth was she was worried.

“Ach!” Her vader half raised a hand off the bed, swishing it in the air as if swatting at a fly. “You go home and do your chores, Dochder. I’ll be fine.”

Though she wanted with all her heart to believe him, she couldn’t be certain how much damage his heart had sustained. Lizzie bent to kiss him on the cheek, but he turned his head, avoiding her touch. Fighting back the tears, she simply patted him on the shoulder and left the emergency room. She walked back down the long corridor with Paul. The stale antiseptic smells receded with each step she took. Lizzie made it to the main waiting room and exhaled.

She turned to Paul and said, “Take me home, please.”

They stepped out of the sterile air of the hospital into the fresh air and fading sunlight of another hot summer day. Lizzie stood looking at the golden light, thankful to God above that her vader had survived. While she waited, Paul found them a cab to take them home.

Lizzie settled into the back seat, relieved to be going home. Paul got in and sat next to her. The car was small, and their shoulders bumped. Lizzie could feel the warmth coming from Paul’s body. He’d been so kind to her today. But she couldn’t allow him to be away from his own work. They both needed to get back to Miller’s Crossing. She couldn’t bear to be away from home for too long; even the short time away today left her feeling uneasy. She worried about what she was going to find when she got back to the farm. There was livestock to be fed and cows to be milked. She had no idea where her vader had left the tractor or who was going to see to the remainder of the cutting in the field he’d been harvesting this morning.

Lizzie felt the uncertainty creeping in like fog on a cool morning. She tried with all her might to bolster her confidence, thinking she could do this for her father. She owed him all the help she could give him. She could run things while he was in the hospital, couldn’t she? Lizzy breathed a sigh of relief as the cab turned onto the road that led to the Miller farm.

And then she gasped in surprise at the sight that greeted her.

Chapter Two

From across the field that separated the property from the road, Lizzie could see a row of buggies parked in front of the barn.

“Oh, my, Paul! Look at all of this!”

He tilted his head toward her and smiled, nodding toward the house. “I told you, as soon as they heard about your vader, everyone came to help.”

As the taxi pulled into the driveway, Lizzie pressed her forehead against the passenger-side window to get a better view of the yard. She saw her best friend, Sadie Fischer, rushing toward them. Immediately Lizzie’s heart swelled with emotion. She didn’t know what she would do without her friend. Waiting for the cab to stop, Lizzie tore off her seat belt and opened the door, stepping straight into her friend’s outstretched arms.

“Lizzie, I’m so sorry to hear about your vader.”

“Danke,” Lizzie mumbled against Sadie’s shoulder.

After releasing her hold, Lizzie looked around, taking stock of the busy yard. Behind her she heard Paul paying the cab driver. She noted the crunch of the gravel as the car drove off. Paul came to stand near them.

“Is it true that your vader had a heart attack?” Sadie asked, her gaze darting from Paul to Lizzie.

“Ja. We think he’s going to be fine, though,” she answered, crossing her arms over her stomach as the full impact of her vader’s condition hit her.

With her sister, Mary, living in her husband’s community in Montgomery County, a few hours from here, it was up to Lizzie to keep things running on the farm until her mamm or vader returned home.

Sadie quickly picked up on her unease. Her friend patted her on the arm, saying, “All will be well in time. Already we are all praying for his speedy recovery.” Pointing toward the side yard, Sadie added, “See there? Those people are your friends and they care a great deal about your vader.”

Lizzie looked past Sadie and saw a group of her neighbors and other community members standing in a circle, their heads bowed. The hems on the women’s blue dresses flapped against their legs as a warm summer breeze blew across the yard. Some of the men had left their jobs to come and offer support. Even though she knew it was the way of the Amish to come and lend a helping hand to a neighbor in need, she still felt uneasy about having all these people at her home. It appeared, though, that Sadie and Paul were both correct: everyone was doing something to help.

Her lower lip trembled as she fought back her tears. “Vader sent me back. He said there was a lot that needed to be tended to. And it looks like he was right.” Lizzie swiped a hand across her cheeks, starting to walk toward the house.

Paul fell into step beside them. “I see my bruders, Ben and Abram are here.”

He nodded in the direction of the barn, where Lizzie could see fourteen-year-old Abram walking out of the barn with a wheelbarrow full of horse manure. Ben came out behind him, yelling that Abram had left a mess behind.

“So, three Burkholders have set aside their own chores for my family,” Lizzie mumbled, nodding at them. They gave her a wave, and then she dipped her head to one side. “That was very kind of them to come by.”

A monarch butterfly flitted in front of her face. Lizzie raised her hand, swishing it away, not in the mood to ponder the creature.

“I need to get to the kitchen. I understand there are men out in the field, working to bring in the rest of the hay that Vader was harvesting this morning. And then there are the cows to milk and feed. I’ll need to cook something to feed everyone.” She twisted her mouth into a thin line, making a mental list of the food they had on hand.

She knew there would be enough chicken for a stew, and there were several loaves of bread in the pantry, along with beans and potatoes. There were some zucchini squash, tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce in the garden that could be picked.

Paul caught her gaze and smiled. “Listen to me. You have plenty of help everywhere, even in the kitchen. I suspect my mamm is here, too.”

“What? I can’t have your whole family at our house.”

“Trust me, I have plenty of family to go around.” He let out a chuckle. “With my five siblings, the lot of them would easily fill up your kitchen.”

She managed to muster a smile.

He gently walked her and Sadie down the drive, up the porch steps and into the house, where a beehive of activity was going on. Excusing herself, Sadie rushed into the kitchen, making her way over to the long counter. Lizzie watched her laying out rows of sliced white bread. To her right another young woman was adding slices of cheese and turkey to one side of the sandwich. Paul had left her to go say hello to his mamm, who was dumping boiled potatoes from a large pot into a colander in the sink.

Lizzie realized she’d been standing in the doorway. Looking down at her apron, the same light blue color as her dress, Lizzie frowned. Despite her fatigue, with her mamm absent it was her duty to help run things in the kitchen. Pulling the apron she’d been wearing over her shoulders, she shrugged out of it. She hung it on one of the wall pegs near the front door. Her hand brushed against a boy’s straw hat. The felt band looked brand-new. But Lizzie knew it was exactly ten years old.

Some days she wished her mamm would put the hat away. Seeing that hat reminded everyone of David. She put her house apron on and tied the sash around her waist. Having the hat here or not, Lizzie would never forget her bruder. Unlike in the homes of their Englisch neighbors, here there were no family photos, so they were left with only the memory of the images of their lives.

Lizzie closed her eyes, seeing David’s face in her mind’s eye. The eyes that matched hers in color, the dark hair that no matter how hard Mamm tried to brush it in place, always stuck out from beneath this hat. She imagined the dimples that appeared when he smiled. She heard his laughter. She shook her head to clear out those thoughts. Blinking away the emotions that seemed to come every time she thought of her bruder, Lizzie realized Sadie had stopped making sandwiches and was watching her with concern.

Crossing the room, she came over to her. “How about you let me get you a nice glass of the fresh lemonade that Mrs. Yoder brought over.”

“That would be nice,” Lizzie said as she took another apron from a peg and put it on. Tying the sash off, she followed Sadie into the kitchen.

Lizzie took the glass from her friend’s hand, not realizing until this moment how thirsty she was. She took a gulp from the drink, letting the coolness slide down her parched throat. She set the half-empty glass on the counter, wondering where to begin. At the back of the kitchen, a door stood ajar. If not for her vader’s health, the laundry room would have been bustling with activity today.

Not only were the long summer days good for bringing in the hay, but they were also good for drying the wash. All through their community, backyard clotheslines would be filled with dark pants, white shirts and dresses. Monday was wash day. And the cars would come through in slow, long lines as the tourists tried to capture the image of their laundry on their fancy cameras or cell phones. Lizzie wanted to laugh because if they knew how much work was involved in getting a single load of wash done, maybe they’d see those images in a different way.

The dark pants, blue shirts, dresses and aprons would have to wait until tomorrow for their washing because right now there was a group of men waiting to be fed. Lizzie began helping the women carry out the bowls of potato salad and fruit salad, along with the platter of sandwiches and cutlery to a makeshift plywood-and-sawhorse table that had been set up underneath the shade of a large maple tree out in the backyard.