Salted with Fire

CHAPTER XXIV

She woke in the first of the gray dawn, while the house was in utter stillness, and rising at once, rose and dressed herself with soundless haste. It was hard indeed to go and leave James thus in danger, but she had no choice! She held her breath and listened, but all was still. She opened her door softly; not a sound reached her ear as she crept down the stair. She had neither to unlock nor unbolt the door to leave the house, for it was never made fast. A dread sense of the old wandering desolation came back upon her as she stepped across the threshold, and now she had no baby to comfort her! She was leaving a mouldy peace and a withered love behind her, and had once more to encounter the rough coarse world! She feared the moor she had to cross, and the old dreams she must there encounter; and as she held on her way through them, she felt, in her new loneliness, and the slow-breaking dawn, as if she were lying again in her trance, partly conscious, but quite unable to move, thinking she was dead, and waiting to be buried. Then suddenly she knew where she was, and that God was not gone, but her own Maker was with her, and would not forsake her.

Of the roads that led from the farm she knew only that by which Mr. Robertson had brought her, and that would guide her to the village where they had left the coach: there she was sure to find some way of returning to Deemouth! Feeble after her prolonged inaction, and the crowd of emotions succeeding her recovery, she found the road very weary, and long ere she reached Tiltowie, she felt all but worn out. At the only house she had come to on the way, she stopped and asked for some water. The woman, the only person she had seen, for it was still early morning, and the road was a lonely one, perceived that she looked ill, and gave her milk instead. In the strength of that milk she reached the end of her first day’s journey; and for many days she had not to take a second.

Now Isy had once seen the soutar at the farm, and going about her work had heard scraps of his conversation with the mistress, when she had been greatly struck by certain things he said, and had often since wished for the opportunity of a talk with him. That same morning then, going along a narrow lane, and hearing a cobbler’s hammer, she glanced through a window close to the path, and at once recognized the soutar. He looked up as she obscured his light, and could scarce believe his eyes when, so early in the day, he saw before him Mistress Blatherwick’s maid, concerning whom there had been such a talk and such a marvelling for weeks. She looked ill, and he was amazed to see her about so soon, and so far from home. She smiled to him feebly, and passed from his range with a respectful nod. He sprang to his feet, bolted out, and overtook her at once.

“I’m jist gaein to drop my wark, mem, and hae my brakfast: wull ye no come in and share wi’ an auld man and a yoong lass? Ye hae come a gey bit, and luik some fatiguit!”

“Thank ye kindly, sir,” returned Isy. “I am a bit tired!—But I won’er ye kenned me!”

“Weel, I canna jist say I ken ye by the name fowk ca’ ye; and still less div I ken ye by the name the Lord ca’s ye; but nowther maitters muckle to her that kens He has a name growin for her—or raither, a name she’s growin til! Eh, what a day will that be whan ilk habitant o’ the holy city ‘ill tramp the streets o’ ‘t weel kenned and weel kennin!”

“Ay, sir! I ‘maist un’erstan’ ye ootricht, for I h’ard ye ance sayin something like that to the mistress, the nicht ye broucht hame the maister’s shune to Stanecross. And, eh, I’m richt glaid to see ye again!”

They were already in the house, for she had followed him in almost mechanically; and the soutar was setting for her the only chair there was, when the cry of a child reached their ears. The girl started to her feet. A rosy flush of delight overspread her countenance; she fell a-trembling from head to foot, and it seemed uncertain whether she would succeed in running to the cry, or must fall to the floor.

“Ay,” exclaimed the soutar, with one of his sudden flashes of unquestioning insight, “by the luik o’ ye, ye ken that for the cry o’ yer ain bairn, my bonny lass! Ye’ll hae been missin him, sair, I doobt!—There! sit ye doon, and I’ll hae him i’ yer airms afore ae meenut!”

She obeyed him and sat down, but kept her eyes fixed on the door, wildly expectant. The soutar made haste, and ran to fetch the child. When he returned with him in his arms, he found her sitting bolt upright, with her hands already apart, held out to receive him, and her eyes alive as he had never seen eyes before.

“My Jamie! my ain bairn!” she cried, seizing him to her bosom with a grasp that, trembling, yet seemed to cling to him desperately, and a look almost of defiance, as if she dared the world to take him from her again. “O my God!” she cried, in an agony of thankfulness, “I ken ye noo! I ken ye noo! Never mair wull I doobt ye, my God!—Lost and found!—Lost for a wee, and found again for ever!”

Then she caught sight of Maggie, who had entered behind her father, and stood staring at her motionless,—with a look of gladness indeed, but not all of gladness.

“I ken fine,” Isy broke out, with a trembling, yet eager, apologetic voice, “ye’re grudgin me ilka luik at him! I ken’t by mysel! Ye’re thinkin him mair yours nor mine! And weel ye may, for it’s you that’s been motherin him ever since I lost my wits! It’s true I ran awa’ and left him; but ever sin’ syne, I hae soucht him carefully wi’ tears! And ye maunna beir me ony ill will—for there!” she added, holding him out to Maggie! “I haena kissed him yet!—no ance!—But ye wull lat me kiss him afore ye tak him awa’?—my ain bairnie, whause vera comin I had prepared shame for!—Oh my God!—But he kens naething aboot it, and winna ken for years to come! And nane but his ain mammie maun brak the dreid trowth til him!—and by that time he’ll lo’e her weel eneuch to be able to bide it! I thank God that I haena had to shue the birds and the beasts aff o’ his bonny wee body! It micht hae been, but for you, my bonnie lass!—and for you, sir!” she went on, turning to the soutar.

Maggie caught the child from her offering arms, and held up his little face for his mother to kiss; and so held him until, for the moment, Isy’s mother-greed was satisfied. Then she sat down with him in her lap, and Isy stood absorbed in regarding him. At last she said, with a deep sigh—

“Noo I maun awa’, and I dinna ken hoo I’m to gang! I hae found him and maun leave him!—but I houp no for vera lang!—Maybe ye’ll keep him yet a whilie—say for a week mair? He’s been sae lang disused til a wan’erin life, that I doobt it mayna weel agree wi’ him; and I maun awa’ back to Deemooth, gien I can get onybody to gie me a lift.”

“Na, na; that’ll never dee,” returned Maggie, with a sob. “My father’ll be glaid eneuch to keep him; only we hae nae richt ower him, and ye maun hae him again whan ye wull.”

“Ye see I hae nae place to tak him til!” pleaded Isy.

“Gien ye dinna want him, gie him to me: I want him!” said Maggie eagerly.

“Want him!” returned Isy, bursting into tears; “I hae lived but upo the bare houp o’ gettin him again! I hae grutten my een sair for the sicht o’ ‘im! Aften hae I waukent greetin ohn kenned for what!—and noo ye tell me I dinna want him, ‘cause I hae nae spot but my breist to lay his heid upo! Eh, guid fowk, keep him till I get a place to tak him til, and syne haudna him a meenute frae me!”

All this time the soutar had been watching the two girls with a divine look in his black eyes and rugged face; now at last he opened his mouth and said:

“Them ‘at haps the bairn, are aye sib (related) to the mither!—Gang ben the hoose wi’ Maggie, my dear; and lay ye doon on her bed, and she’ll lay the bairnie aside ye, and fess yer brakfast there til ye. Ye winna be easy to sair (satisfy), haein had sae little o’ ‘im for sae lang!—Lea’ them there thegither, Maggie, my doo,” he went on with infinite tenderness, “and come and gie me a han’ as sune as ye hae maskit the tay, and gotten a lof o’ white breid. I s’ hae my parritch a bit later.”

Maggie obeyed at once, and took Isy to the other end of the house, where the soutar had long ago given up his bed to her and the baby.

When they had all breakfasted, the soutar and Maggie in the kitchen, and Isy and the bairnie in the ben en’, Maggie took her old place beside her father, and for a long time they worked without word spoken.

“I doobt, father,” said Maggie at length, “I haena been atten’in til ye properly! I fear the bairnie ‘s been garrin me forget ye!”

“No a hair, dautie!” returned the soutar. “The needs o’ the little are stude aye far afore mine, and had to be seen til first! And noo that we hae the mither o’ ‘im, we’ll get on faumous!—Isna she a fine cratur, and richt mitherlike wi’ the bairn? That was a’ I was concernt aboot! We’ll get her story frae her or lang, and syne we’ll ken a hantle better hoo to help her on! And there can be nae fear but, atween you and me, and the Michty at the back o’ ‘s, we s’ get breid eneuch for the quaternion o’ ‘s!”

He laughed at the odd word as it fell from his mouth and the Acts of Apostles. Maggie laughed too, and wiped her eyes.

Before long, Maggie recognized that she had never been so happy in her life. Isy told them as much as she could without breaking her resolve to keep secret a certain name; and wrote to Mr. Robertson, telling him where she was, and that she had found her baby. He came with his wife to see her, and so a friendship began between the soutar and him, which Mr. Robertson always declared one of the most fortunate things that had ever befallen him.

“That soutar-body,” he would say, “kens mair aboot God and his kingdom, the hert o’ ‘t and the w’ys o’ ‘t, than ony man I ever h’ard tell o’—and that heumble!—jist like the son o’ God himsel!”

Before many days passed, however, a great anxiety laid hold of the little household: wee Jamie was taken so ill that the doctor had to be summoned. For eight days he had much fever, and his appealing looks were pitiful to see. When first he ceased to run about, and wanted to be nursed, no one could please him but the soutar himself, and he, at once discarding his work, gave himself up to the child’s service. Before long, however, he required defter handling, and then no one would do but Maggie, to whom he had been more accustomed; nor could Isy get any share in the labour of love except when he was asleep: as soon as he woke, she had to encounter the pain of hearing him cry out for Maggie, and seeing him stretch forth his hands, even from his mother’s lap, to one whom he knew better than her. But Maggie was very careful over the poor mother, and would always, the minute he was securely asleep, lay him softly upon her lap. And Maggie soon got so high above her jealousy, that one of the happiest moments in her life was when first the child consented to leave her arms for those of his mother. And when he was once more able to run about, Isy took her part with Maggie in putting hand and needle to the lining of the more delicate of the soutar’s shoes.

CHAPTER XXV

There was great concern, and not a little alarm at Stonecross because of the disappearance of Isy. But James continued so ill, that his parents were unable to take much thought about anybody else. At last, however, the fever left him, and he began to recover, but lay still and silent, seeming to take no interest in anything, and remembered nothing he had said, or even that he had seen Isy. At the same time his wakened conscience was still at work in him, and had more to do with his enfeebled condition than the prolonged fever. At length his parents were convinced that he had something on his mind that interfered with his recovery, and his mother was confident that it had to do with “that deceitful creature, Isy.” To learn that she was safe, might have given Marion some satisfaction, had she not known her refuge so near the manse; and having once heard where she was, she had never asked another question about her. Her husband, however, having overheard certain of the words that fell from Isy when she thought herself alone, was intently though quietly waiting for what must follow.

“I’m misdoobtin sair, Peter,” began Marion one morning, after a long talk with the cottar’s wife, who had been telling her of Isy’s having taken up her abode with the soutar, “I’m sair misdoobtin whether that hizzie hadna mair to dee nor we hae been jaloosin, wi Jamie’s attack, than the mere scare he got. It seems to me he’s lang been broodin ower something we ken noucht aboot.”

“That would be nae ferlie, woman! Whan was it ever we kent onything gaein on i’ that mysterious laddie! Na, but his had need be a guid conscience, for did ever onybody ken eneuch aboot it or him to say richt or wrang til ‘im! But gien ye hae a thoucht he’s ever wranged that lassie, I s’ hae the trowth o’ ‘t, gien it cost him a greitin! He’ll never come to health o’ body or min’ till he’s confest, and God has forgien him. He maun confess! He maun confess!”

“Hoot, Peter, dinna be sae suspicious o’ yer ain. It’s no like ye to be sae maisterfu’ and owerbeirin. I wad na lat ae ill thoucht o’ puir Jeemie inside this auld heid o’ mine! It’s the lassie, I’ll tak my aith, it’s that Isy’s at the bothom o’ ‘t!”

“Ye’re some ready wi’ yer aith, Mirran, to what ye ken naething aboot! I say again, gien he’s dene ony wrang to that bonnie cratur—and it wudna tak ower muckle proof to convince me o’ the same, he s’ tak his stan’, minister or no minister, upo the stele o’ repentance!”

“Daur ye to speyk that gait aboot yer ain son—ay, and mine the mair gien ye disown him, Peter Bletherwick!—and the Lord’s ain ordeent minister forbye!” cried Marion, driven almost to her wits’ end, but more by the persistent haunting of her own suspicion, which she could not repress, than the terror of her husband’s threat. “Besides, dinna ye see,” she added cunningly, “that that would be to affront the lass as weel?—He wadna be the first to fa’ intil the snare o’ a designin wuman, and wad it be for his ain father to expose him to public contemp? Your pairt sud be to cover up his sin—gien it were a multitude, and no ae solitary bit faut!”

“Daur ye speyk o’ a thing like that as a bit faut?—Ca’ ye leein and hypocrisy a bit faut? I alloo the sin itsel mayna be jist damnable, but to what bouk mayna it come wi ither and waur sins upo the back o’ ‘t?—Wi leein, and haudin aff o’ himsel, a man may grow a cratur no fit to be taen up wi the taings! Eh me, but my pride i’ the laddie! It ‘ill be sma’ pride for me gien this fearsome thing turn oot to be true!”

“And wha daur say it’s true?” rejoined Marion almost fiercely.

“Nane but himsel; and gien it be sae, and he disna confess, the rod laid upon him ‘ill be the rod o’ iron, ‘at smashes a man like a muckle crock.—I maun tak Jamie throuw han’ (to task)!”

“Noo jist tak ye care, Peter, ‘at ye dinna quench the smokin flax.”

“I’m mair likly to get the bruised reed intil my nakit loof (palm)!” returned Peter. “But I s’ say naething till he’s a wee better, for we maunna drive him to despair!—Eh gien he would only repent! What is there I wadna dee to clear him—that is, to ken him innocent o’ ony wrang til her! I wad dee wi thanksgivin!”

“Weel, I kenna that we’re jist called upon sae far as that!” said Marion. “A lass is aye able to tak care o’ hersel!”

“I wud! I wud!—God hae mercy upo’ the twa o’ them!”

In the afternoon James was a good deal better. When his father went in to see him, his first words were—

“I doobt, father, I’m no likly to preach ony mair: I’ve come to see ‘at I never was fit for the wark, neither had I ever ony ca’ til’t.”

“It may be sae, Jeemie,” answered his father; “but we’ll haud awa frae conclusions till ye’re better, and able to jeedge wi’oot the bias o’ ony thrawin distemper.”

“Oh father,” James went on, and to his delight Peter saw, for the first time since he was the merest child, tears running down his cheeks, now thin and wan; “Oh father, I hae been a terrible hypocreet! But my een’s come open at last! I see mysel as I am!”

“Weel, there’s God hard by, to tak ye by the han’ like Enoch! Tell me,” Peter went on, “hae ye onything upo yer min’, laddie, ‘at ye wud like to confess and be eased o’? There’s nae papistry in confessin to yer ain auld father!”

James lay still for a few moments; then he said, almost inaudibly—

“I think I could tell my mother better nor you, father.”

“It’ll be a’ ane whilk o’ ‘s ye tell. The forgiein and the forgettin ‘ill be ae deed—by the twa o’ ‘s at ance! I s’ gang and cry doon the stair til yer mother to come up and hear ye.” For Peter knew by experience that good motions must be taken advantage of in their first ripeness. “We maunna try the speerit wi ony delays!” he added, as he went to the head of the stair, where he called aloud to his wife. Then returning to the bedside, he resumed his seat, saying, “I’ll jist bide a minute till she comes.”

He was loath to let in any risk between his going and her coming, for he knew how quickly minds may change; but the moment she appeared, he left the room, gently closing the door behind him.

Then the trembling, convicted soul plucked up what courage his so long stubborn and yet cringing heart was capable of, and began.

“Mother, there was a lass I cam to ken in Edinburgh, whan I was a divinity student there, and—”

“Ay, ay, I ken a’ aboot it!” interrupted his mother, eager to spare him; “—an ill-faured, designin limmer, ‘at micht ha kent better nor come ower the son o’ a respectable wuman that gait!—Sic like, I doobtna, wad deceive the vera elec’!”

“Na, na, mother, she was nane o’ that sort! She was baith bonny and guid, and pleasant to the hert as to the sicht: she wad hae saved me gien I had been true til her! She was ane o’ the Lord’s makin, as he has made but feow!”

“Whatfor didna she haud frae ye till ye had merried her than? Dinna tell me she didna lay hersel oot to mak a prey o’ ye!”

“Mother, i’ that sayin ye hae sclandert yersel!—I’ll no say a word mair!”

“I’m sure neither yer father nor mysel wud hae stede i’ yer gait!” said Marion, retreating from the false position she had taken.

She did not know herself, or how bitter would have been her opposition; for she had set her mind on a distinguished match for her Jamie!

“God knows how I wish I had keepit a haud o’ mysel! Syne I micht hae steppit oot o’ the dirt o’ my hypocrisy, i’stead o’ gaein ower the heid intil’t! I was aye a hypocrite, but she would maybe hae fun’ me oot, and garred me luik at mysel!”

He did not know the probability that, if he had not fallen, he would have but sunk the deeper in the worst bog of all, self-satisfaction, and none the less have played her false, and left her to break her heart.

If any reader of this tale should argue it better then to do wrong and repent, than to resist the devil, I warn him, that in such case he will not repent until the sorrows of death and the pains of hell itself lay hold upon him. An overtaking fault may be beaten with few stripes, but a wilful wrong shall be beaten with many stripes. The door of the latter must share, not with Judas, for he did repent, although too late, but with such as have taken from themselves the power of repentance.

“Was there no mark left o’ her disgrace?” asked his mother. “Wasna there a bairn to mak it manifest?”

“Nane I ever heard tell o’.”

“In that case she’s no muckle the waur, and ye needna gang lamentin: she ‘ll no be the ane to tell! and ye maunna, for her sake! Sae tak ye comfort ower what’s gane and dune wi’, and canna come back, and maunna happen again.—Eh, but it’s a’ God’s-mercy there was nae bairn!”

Thus had the mother herself become an evil councillor, crying Peace! peace! when there was no peace, and tempting her son to go on and become a devil! But one thing yet rose up for the truth in his miserable heart—his reviving and growing love for Isy. It had seemed smothered in selfishness, but was alive and operative: God knows how—perhaps through feverish, incoherent, forgotten dreams.

He had expected his mother to aid his repentance, and uphold his walk in the way of righteousness, even should the way be that of social disgrace. He knew well that reparation must go hand in hand with repentance where the All-wise was judge, and selfish Society dared not urge one despicable pretence for painting hidden shame in the hues of honour. James had been the cowering slave of a false reputation; but his illness and the assaults of his conscience had roused him, set repentance before him, brought confession within sight, and purity within reach of prayer.

“I maun gang til her,” he cried, “the meenute I’m able to be up!—Whaur is she, mother?”

“Upo nae accoont see her, Jamie! It wad be but to fa’ again intil her snare!” answered his mother, with decision in her look and tone. “We’re to abstain frae a’ appearance o’ evil—as ye ken better nor I can tell ye.”

“But Isy’s no an appearance o’ evil, mother!”

“Ye say weel there, I confess! Na, she’s no an appearance; she’s the vera thing! Haud frae her, as ye wad frae the ill ane himsel.”

“Did she never lat on what there had been atween ‘s?”

“Na, never. She kenned weel what would come o’ that!”

“What, mother?”

“The ootside o’ the door.”

“Think ye she ever tauld onybody?”

“Mony ane, I doobtna.”

“Weel, I dinna believe ‘t, I hae nae fear but she’s been dumb as deith!”

“Hoo ken ye that?—What for said she never ae word aboot ye til yer ain mither?”

“‘Cause she was set on haudin her tongue. Was she to bring an owre true tale o’ me to the vera hoose I was born in? As lang as I haud til my tongue, she’ll never wag hers!—Eh, but she’s a true ane! She’s ane to lippen til!”

“Weel, I alloo, she’s deen as a wuman sud—the faut bein a’ her ain!”

“The faut bein’ a’ mine, mother, she wouldna tell what would disgrace me!”

“She micht hae kenned her secret would be safe wi’ me!”

“I micht hae said the same, but for the w’y ye spak o’ her this vera meenut!—Whaur is she, mother? Whaur’s Isy?”

“‘Deed, she’s made a munelicht flittin o’ ‘t!”

“I telled ye she would never tell upo me!—Hed she ony siller?”

“Hoo can I tell?”

“Did ye pey her ony wages?”

“She gae me no time!—But she’s no likly to tell noo; for, hearin her tale, wha wad tak her in?”

“Eh, mother, but ye are hard-hertit!”

“I ken a harder, Jamie!”

“That’s me!—and ye’re richt, mother! But, eh, gien ye wad hae me loe ye frae this meenut to the end o’ my days, be but a wee fair to Isy: I hae been a damnt scoon’rel til her!”

“Jamie; Jamie! ye’re provokin the Lord to anger—sweirin like that in his vera face—and you a minister!”

“I provokit him a heap waur whan I left Isy to dree her shame! Divna ye min’ hoo the apostle Peter cursed, whan he said to Simon, ‘Gang to hell wi’ yer siller!’”

“She’s telt the soutar, onygait!”

“What! has he gotten a hand o’ her?”

“Ay, has he!—And dinna ye think it’ll be a’ ower the toon lang or this!”

“And hoo will ye meet it, mother?”

“We maun tell yer father, and get him to quaiet the soutar!—For her, we maun jist stap her mou wi’ a bunch o’ bank-notts!”

“That wad jist mak it ‘maist impossible for even her to forgie you or me aither ony langer!”

“And wha’s she to speyk o’ forgivin!”