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‘Are your parents still living in Redwood Street?’ Nikki stared at him. ‘Fraser?’
He shook away those bewildering thoughts. ‘Same old house that I grew up in. It’s looking a bit tired now.’ His mum was struggling with the maintenance. He should’ve come home sooner but no one had told him he was needed. Not until the night last month when he’d phoned his parents to give them the good news that his five-year tests had shown no sign of the cancer returning. The specialist had virtually given him an all-clear and a new lease on life.
His good news had been tempered with the information that his father had dementia and had had it for two years. It hurt that his mother had decided not to mention it while the cancer cloud had hung over him. Another black mark against him.
There’d been no time yesterday to track Nikki down and make contact prior to starting here. Neither had he found out anything about her, so he asked now, ‘Are you living on the farm? Or in town somewhere?’
‘Amber and I share a poky flat not far from here.’
No address, then. But what had he expected? An invitation to dinner? ‘Most of town isn’t far from here.’
Mike coughed. ‘Can I see you two in my office? Now?’
Nikki’s azure eyes blinked. ‘Shouldn’t Gavin be joining you? He’s the one going to work with Fraser.’
Mike answered brusquely, ‘No. Bring your coffee with you.’
At the table Gavin appeared totally absorbed in the newspaper.
What was up? Suddenly Fraser sensed he was about to learn something he definitely would not like. He knew that feeling. It started deep in his belly and writhed outwards, upwards, cold and insidious, taking over his body and then his mind. He’d known it once before and that time the news had been grim. He wanted to call out to Mike, to stop him before any words were uttered, but Mike had disappeared into his office.
At the door Nikki turned back to him, a huge question in her eyes. So she was worried too. He wished he had it in his power to take away that dread blinking back at him. Hell, she was still gut-wrenchingly beautiful. His heart slowed, his throat filled as he headed in the direction of the office they’d been summoned to. She still turned his head, still made him want to hold her and run his hands over her satin skin. Talk about bad timing for remembering those particular sensations. Nikki Page was a no-go zone.
Closing the office door was a mistake. He’d shut the three of them into the small space and there was no getting away from Nikki. He drew a deep, steadying breath. And inhaled her scent. The one that had always reminded him of summer gardens; of roses and freesias and peonies. For a brief moment his head spun, almost taking his feet out from under him. Placing a hand on top of the filing cabinet, he waited for his heart rate to slow to normal. And tried to concentrate on the dull, grey carpet under his black workboots.
Then Mike began to speak and he forgot everything as the dread he’d felt minutes ago became reality.
‘Gavin handed me his notice last night. Patricia has been homesick for a while now so they’re heading back to Wales next month.’ Mike sat on the edge of his desk, his feet stretched between them. ‘Nikki, you’re taking his place as Fraser’s mentor.’
‘C-can’t Gavin do it until he leaves? A month’s a long time.’ Her bottom teeth bit into her top lip and her wide eyes gleamed desperately at her boss. ‘I can take over in September.’
‘No, Fraser deserves continuity while he’s training.’ Mike hesitated, looked from Nikki to him and back to Nikki. ‘Look, you two have obviously got history but if you’re working here then you leave it at the door. Our patients deserve one hundred per cent concentration from all of us, all the time. I can’t have you warring on the job.’
‘That won’t happen,’ Fraser rushed to assure him.
Nikki’s head snapped up and the glare that pierced him told him he shouldn’t be so sure of that. But she did say, ‘As long as we keep everything on a professional basis, it should work.’ A breath escaped between her lips. ‘I guess,’ she added softly, the glare softening as worry and uncertainty took over.
Mike continued to outline what was expected of them both, then handed Fraser a folder, a key and a pager. ‘Your rosters, course notes and timetable, and access codes.’ He then shoved out his hand and clasped Fraser’s. ‘Again, welcome aboard. It’s great to have someone experienced joining us. Isn’t it, Nikki?’
Shaking Mike’s hand, Fraser watched Nikki as she hauled herself off the chair. ‘Yes, a change from training someone right from scratch.’ Her voice was a monotone, as though she’d put a tight rein on herself. Was she barely keeping from yelling at him to go away, get lost?
Ah, Nik, if only you knew how much I regret having done that to you once already. On everyone’s belts pagers beeped simultaneously. Relief poured across Nikki’s face as she snatched at hers. ‘Priority one. We’re on, Fraser.’ And she was gone, charging out the door and into the garage before he’d taken a step.
He followed quickly, equally glad of the interruption while they both assimilated the new situation. But, damn, working in the same truck with Nikki would make everything a hundred times more difficult. They weren’t being given any time to get used to being around one another. No time at all. Straight into the fire. Might be the best way.
CHAPTER TWO
NIKKI raced for the ambulance, leaving Fraser to follow. He might be used to a different station but the drill would be the same. Snapping her seat belt in place, she turned the ignition key as he slid into the passenger seat. ‘Did you unplug the truck?’ she asked, without looking at him.
‘Yes. Having you drive off with the power supply still attached wouldn’t be a good look on my first day.’
‘It’s been done before.’ Mainly by new recruits eager to leap aboard, on their way to a call, and completely forgetting about all the truck’s many batteries being kept topped up while on standby. With so much equipment on board that needed power, the batteries drained very quickly.
Fraser tapped the computer screen, bringing up the details of the callout. ‘Ashleigh Rest Home. Eighty-seven-year-old woman found lying on bedroom floor. Conscious but groggy.’
‘And probably very cold because of this morning’s frost.’ Putting on the lights and siren, she eased the ambulance out of the garage, nodding thanks to the car drivers giving way to them. If she concentrated on the details of the job and the traffic she was weaving the heavy vehicle through she might be able to pretend that wasn’t Fraser sitting on the other side of the truck.
Who was she kidding? It was Fraser. No getting away from that. His size dominated the cab. The tantalising citrus smell of his aftershave teased her senses. He hadn’t used aftershave before, not that she could remember, and she remembered most things about him. He liked scrambled eggs soft and made with cream, his toast underdone, his steak rare, and would refuse point blank to eat lumpy mashed potatoes.
Fraser fumbled around behind her seat. ‘Where’s the PRF kept?’
‘Under your seat.’
He found the patient report form and copied in details from the screen, appearing totally impervious to the situation.
Why couldn’t she act as though he was any other crew member she had to mentor? She tried. ‘Patient’s name?’
‘Mavis Everest.’
‘Don’t know her.’ In a town the size of Blenheim she often attended people she knew, which added a personal, and not always welcome, factor to the situation. ‘Is Mavis in a unit or the hospital wing?’
‘A detached unit, number three. She must be capable of looking out for herself, then. Not bad at that age.’
‘Probably has a caregiver.’ Nikki hated the idea of anyone she loved ending up in a retirement village. A lot of people liked the security and companionship but she couldn’t see her parents there after spending their lives on the farm. Not that they were even close to having to think about that but, still, she already knew she’d look after them if the need arose.
‘Is this a good rest home?’ Fraser asked, peering through the windscreen as the entrance came into view.
‘I’ve never heard any complaints or noticed anything untoward. Why? Looking for somewhere to live?’ Dang, why crack a joke? She was supposed to be keeping aloof and discussing work only.
Fraser’s smile flicked on and off so fast she nearly missed it. ‘No, thinking about my dad.’
‘He’s too young for this place.’ She recalled Ken McCall as being years younger than her father. ‘But I guess dementia doesn’t take note of age.’
‘Isn’t that a fact? He’s decades too young. But soon Mum has to face reality and put him into care. He’s already a handful for her.’ A haunting sadness filtered through Fraser’s voice and into the cab between them.
‘But she loves him. It can’t be easy, making that decision.’
‘No, it can’t,’ he snapped.
Whoa, what had she said wrong?
Then he said in a milder tone, ‘Sorry. I’m still trying to get my head around it all.’
Nikki negotiated the narrow entranceway, her mind focused almost entirely on Fraser. His sadness made her want to do the strangest of things. Made her yearn to put her arms around him and hug him tight; made her wish his worries away.
Stop it. Let Fraser in at all and you ‘re back where he left off with you. It was a long enough haul getting over him the first time. Just remember the black hole of depression you fell into and that’ll keep you well away from him.
With a hitch in her throat she drove into the parking area. How could she even be contemplating touching him or wanting to help him? That’s what partners, husbands and wives, lovers did. Not estranged couples.
Finding unit three, Nikki prepared to back up to the tiny pathway leading to Mavis Everest’s front door, checking as she went how low a nearby tree hung. Wiping off the emergency lights with a branch never went down well back at the station. A car was parked close to where she wanted to put the truck. She sighed. ‘Why couldn’t the staff have asked the car owner to shift?’
‘Want me to direct you?’ Fraser’s hand was on the door-handle.
‘I’ve got it.’ She backed up neatly and stopped. Jumping down, she headed for the back of the truck and pulled the doors open, tugged out the stretcher in readiness for their patient.
When Fraser picked up the defibrillator and the pack containing their equipment, she nodded silently. He knew what he was doing.
A tall, gaunt woman in her late fifties opened the front door. ‘Judy Mathers.’ She sighed exasperatedly. ‘I came around when Mum didn’t answer her phone. We talk every morning at seven while I’m getting ready for work. I found her on the floor and I can’t lift her back into bed.’
They squeezed into the stifling, tiny bedroom full of large furniture. At least their patient hadn’t got hypothermic but how she’d found a space to fall was beyond Nikki. ‘Mrs Everest, I’m Nikki and this is Fraser. How long have you been lying down there?’
‘Been here all night.’ Mavis Everest’s voice was weak but there was a twinkle of mischief in her faded eyes. ‘Long time since I spent the night on the floor alone.’
Unzipping her jacket, Nikki squeezed down beside the prostrate woman and smiled as she reached for Mavis’s wrist. She hated seeing elderly people in this sort of predicament. It seemed so undignified and lonely somehow. ‘Can you remember what happened?’
‘Got up to go to the bathroom and felt a bit dizzy. Must have blacked out because that’s all I remember. Woke up some time about two.’ When Nikki raised an eyebrow, Mavis added, ‘The radio was on. The talkback show and some silly man complaining about his ingrown toenails and how the doctor wouldn’t fix them.’
Mavis was alert and her speech coherent. All good indicators. Amazing, considering how long she’d been lying there. Nikki counted the steady beats under her fingertip as her watch ticked over a minute. Sixty-three. ‘Normal,’ she assured Mavis.
Fraser took Mavis’s other hand. ‘I’m going to check your blood-sugar level so just a wee prick in your finger, Mrs Everest.’
‘Ooh, dear, don’t go to any fuss. Just help me back into bed and I’ll be good as gold.’
From the doorway Judy said in her exasperated tone, ‘Do what they say, Mum, for goodness’ sake. They know best. The sooner they’ve done with you, the sooner I can get off to work.’
Blimey, show some concern for your mother, why don’t you? Nikki kept her face straight with difficulty.
Fraser deftly took a small sample of blood from the elderly woman’s thumb, speaking softly as he did so. ‘We need to find out why you were dizzy, Mavis. Nikki’s checking all your bones in case you did some damage when you fell.’
Nikki ran her hands over their patient’s head, down her neck, feeling for contusions or abnormalities. Down Mavis’s arms, torso and on down her legs. ‘Looking good.’
‘For an old duck,’ Mavis quipped.
‘You’re only as old as you feel.’ Fraser shoved the glucometer back in its bag. ‘Glucose is four point six. No problems on that front.’
But a few minutes later he told Nikki, ‘Blood pressure’s low.’
Nikki nodded. ‘That could explain how she ended up on the floor.’ Looking up at Judy, she asked, ‘Has Mrs Everest got a history of low blood pressure?’
‘Doesn’t look like it.’ The woman held four pill bottles in her hand. ‘Only arthritis drugs here.’
She doesn’t know? ‘Can you pop them in a bag for us? And some overnight clothes.’ Nikki turned back to Mrs Everest. ‘Mavis, have you ever had any problems with your blood pressure before?’
‘Not that I’m aware of.’
‘Okay. The doctor will do some more tests. We’re going to take you to hospital now.’
‘No, love, I don’t want any fuss. My GP can visit when she’s got time later today.’
‘For pity’s sake, Mum, just do as they tell you. If you weren’t so stubborn about going into the partial-care wing of this place, we wouldn’t be here now.’
Nikki felt her blood beginning to simmer but bit down on the retort itching to escape. This had absolutely nothing to do with her. ‘Your GP would probably send you to hospital anyway, Mavis.’
‘My daughter will be happy with that. Save her having to check up on me.’ The yearning in the old lady’s voice saddened Nikki.
‘I’m sure she’ll find time to visit you.’ Or was that unrealistic? Nikki mightn’t know anything about Judy or her own family commitments but she couldn’t understand people who neglected their parents. Look at Fraser. His parents’ woes had brought him home when nothing else had.
Fraser straightened up. ‘I’ll bring the stretcher inside. Mavis, you’re going for the trip of your lifetime. First-class bed in the ambulance.’ He winked down at the little lady in her winceyette nightgown.
‘Do you serve meals as well?’ Mavis rallied, a tired smile lifting her mouth.
‘This is the drinks run. Saline via drip.’
Nikki gave Fraser a reluctant smile. This was the man she used to know. The man who’d always made people laugh with his light-hearted banter. ‘Keep it up. You’re making her feel better. I’ll get the stretcher.’ Laughter was definitely the best medicine. ‘We need to get Mavis into her dressing gown to keep her warm outside. I’ll also brush her hair to spruce her up a bit.’ Warmth and dignity would be equally important to the elderly lady.
‘Thanks, love. Can’t go out looking like something the cat dragged in.’
Fraser picked up the thick robe and began to gently slip a sleeve up Mavis’s arm. ‘You’re going to wow those doctors in ED by the time I’ve finished with you.’
Nikki strode outside for the stretcher and gasped. She’d been smiling. At Fraser, and how he handled Mavis so well. For a very brief moment she’d forgotten the past. Dang.
Thirty minutes later their patient had been delivered into the kind care of the ED nurses and Nikki pulled away from Wairau Hospital’s ambulance bay. ‘You were good with Mavis.’
Fraser picked up the handset. ‘Why do you sound surprised?’
Gulp. Yeah, why did she? ‘I’m not, really. You were always brilliant with patients.’ She’d observed it first hand when he’d been training and she’d dropped by the hospital to see him. Changing the subject away from anything close and personal, she said quickly, ‘Some old folk are so lonely. I wonder how they get that way. Mavis’s daughter doesn’t exactly seem overly caring and loving.’
‘Maybe they’ve had a bust-up in the past. Life doesn’t always pan out how you expect it to.’ Fraser pressed the button and spoke to the call centre in Christchurch where all 111 calls in the South Island were dealt with.
Was she talking about his father? Or their relationship? Her life had certainly gone off course because of Fraser. But his voice had been harsh with knowledge, with deep understanding of things going wrong. Had he faced something terrible since before he’d left her? Or had it been the prospect of getting married that had distressed him so much? Not for the first time she wondered if he’d got cold feet at the thought of being tied to her for ever. Or had he thought her unattractive? Overweight? Not good in bed? Found another woman? All the insecurities she’d learned to deal with now flashed up in her head, but she quickly shoved them away. She was at work, not the place to be thinking about the past.
‘Blenheim One departing Wairau ED, en route to Base.’ His tone was measured, professional as he relayed details to Coms. It was the voice he used to calm distraught patients before he started gently teasing them and making them smile. The times she’d seen him on the wards he’d been completely at ease with patients and their families, making them feel they’d had his undivided attention for as long as they’d needed it.
‘Did you finish your medical degree?’ The words were out before she could stop them.
‘No.’ His fingers whitened as they pushed the handset back onto its hook.
‘Why not? All you ever wanted to be was a doctor. Even when we were kids you’d tell everyone that’s what you were going to be when you grew up.’
‘I changed my mind.’
Stunned, she again spoke without thinking, ‘You changed your mind after four years of study? Why?’
‘I wasn’t ready.’
‘Not ready? For what? You loved medicine. I remember all those endless nights you put in studying and not begrudging a single second. You couldn’t wait to get to university or the hospital every morning to learn more. You loved it all. There was the day you came home shouting with excitement, saying you wanted to be a surgeon, that surgery was amazing. Then months later you decided paediatrics was the greatest, all those little kids needing your care. Then—’
‘Drop it,’ Fraser snapped at her. ‘Just leave it, will you?’ The eyes he turned to her glittered angrily. His fists pounded his thighs. ‘I had a change of heart, Nik. That’s all.’
Perversely her heart swelled. He’d called her Nik, his pet name for her. No one else dared call her Nik. Until Fraser she’d hated it. Had he used it to drive his point home? Or because he still cared a little about her?
Idiot. Even if he does, it means nothing. You’re not interested in getting back with him, only in finding out why he took off in such a flaming hurry without a word of explanation.
Nothing had changed in that respect. He’d made it very clear he had no intention of telling her anything about what he’d been up to in the intervening years. She needed to mind her own business, even with Fraser. But she’d like some closure, even after all this time.
The radio squawked to life. ‘Blenheim One, stand by.’
Snatching up the handset, Fraser acknowledged, ‘Roger, Blenheim One standing by.’ His relief at the diversion throbbed between them.
Nikki pulled the ambulance over to the side of the road to wait until they found out where they were needed next. Her fingers drummed on the steering-wheel as she waited for the details. Her stomach cramped as it squeezed around yet more disappointment about Fraser. The silence between them was heavy with all the things they’d left unsaid.
Had he ever really loved her? Had he got caught up in the excitement of their relationship and popped the question without thinking the ramifications through? Unlike her. She’d always loved Fraser, had always wanted to marry him and have his babies. She shot a quick glance in his direction, saw his face in profile as he glared outside, his chin pushed forward, the corner of his mouth white with tension.
‘Blenheim One, male, nineteen years old, severe abdo pain,’ the dispatcher intoned over the radio, her voice sharp in the frosty air of the cab.
Thank goodness. With a patient to deal with they could forget everything else for a while. Forget? Or postpone?
‘Roger, Coms.’ Fraser tapped the screen to bring up the patient details.
Nikki noted the address and made a U-turn, making a mental list of the obs she’d do for a patient with abdominal pain.
Fraser appeared fascinated with the passing houses. Then he surprised her further. ‘I’m not the only one to change careers. You always talked of being a chef, and had a goal to work in a top-class restaurant. What happened to that, Nikki?’
He’d turned the tables on her. She turned them back. ‘I never went back to Dunedin after you dumped me. I quit my job and stayed at home on the farm.’ She’d never have survived returning to the city where they’d lived. ‘You must’ve noticed that much.’
His mouth tightened. Regretting asking about her past now? ‘Who do you think packed up all your gear from our flat and sent it up to your parents’ farm?’
She deflated like a balloon suddenly let go. ‘I never knew it was you. I just thought it would’ve been one of our friends.’ So it had been Fraser who’d put into one of the boxes her favourite photo of them together at St Kilda beach. It now lay at the back of the wardrobe in her old room at the farm. ‘Did you leave university then? Or later?’
He ducked that one. ‘What made you choose the ambulance service?’
She sighed. ‘Dad had an accident, rolled the tractor at the back of the farm. Luckily he was thrown clear but still copped a broken femur and a punctured lung.’ Nikki paused, reliving the scene she’d come across when her dad hadn’t come in for lunch on time. ‘At first I thought he was dying, he looked so still and pale. I freaked.’ She’d wished Fraser had been there because he’d have known what to do.
Fraser had turned to look at her. ‘A frightening situation.’
‘Terrifying. The ambulance crew were fantastic and I began to see something else I might consider doing for a job. I volunteered the next week and gave them every hour I had free.’ It had also made her feel closer to him—for a while.
‘But you always hated the sight of blood.’ Fraser shook his head.
‘I got over that really fast.’
‘But you gave up your passion. I remember those fantastic meals you created. There was never a time when there wasn’t something tasty in our fridge. Our friends used to draw straws to see who came to dinner in our cramped flat because you loved giving them gastronomically divine treats …’ His voice trailed off. ‘Oh.’
‘Exactly.’ There hadn’t been a lot of fun in cooking after they’d broken up. Cooking was her way of expressing love and friendship, and for a long while she had struggled with the whole concept. She’d got a job as junior chef at one of Blenheim’s vineyard restaurants but it had been a drag, a way of earning an income, not a lot of fun. Because her passion for food had disappeared.
Moments later Fraser said, ‘Here’s our stop. That narrow driveway by the hedge. You’ll have to park on the roadside.’ He stood and pushed through to the back, no doubt to get the pack. His hip brushed her shoulder lightly.
She braked sharply. Sucked air through her teeth. It was only a hip. An unintentional touch.
‘Hey,’ Fraser called out.
‘Sorry,’ she muttered, and eased the heavy vehicle alongside the pavement. She was toast if she went hyper every time Fraser inadvertently bumped against her, because it was going to happen often working together with a patient in the crowded confines of the ambulance. She shoved her door wide, dropped to the ground with a thud, jarring her teeth. Not even halfway through day one of his training and she was going stark raving bonkers with emotions all over the place.