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‘We keep a small supply on hand. The troops donate as it’s required.’
‘I guess we’re lucky the gunman wasn’t a very good shot or there’d have been more casualties,’ she said, dropping the bullet into a stainless steel dish with a clang.
‘The hospital in town will be busy with other victims,’ Sam explained. ‘We get those who’re prepared to make the uncomfortable trip out here.’ He paused cleansing the gaping wound on his patient’s head and watched as she sutured her patient’s laceration. ‘Very tidy.’
Her hackles rose. Did he think she wouldn’t do a good job? Of course he wouldn’t know she was a perfectionist. Lifting her eyes, she drew a quick breath. The face looking at her was devoid of rancour, filled only with admiration. ‘Thank you,’ she muttered, bewildered, and waited for the axe to fall.
‘So sewing’s one of your talents.’ His smile was soft, not egotistic or antagonistic. Apparently genuine. Even friendly.
Which worried her more than an abrasive style would’ve. ‘It wasn’t until I went to med school.’
‘You wouldn’t have had to make your own clothes when you were growing up.’ Now he grinned in what was becoming a familiar way.
‘Nope. Does anyone these days?’ she asked. She was softening more and more towards him, and she hadn’t been here twenty-four hours yet. Hard not to when he was playing nice, when her arms still had memories of those strong hands keeping her from dropping to the ground earlier. So much for remaining aloof to safeguard herself from rejection. The first rejection had decimated her. She’d never get up from a second blow. Come on, Sam was only being friendly, nothing else.
‘Not me, for one. I let the army choose my clothes.’
She aimed for light. ‘Not Paris fashion, are they?’
‘Now, that’s something I know nothing about,’ he drawled.
‘Me either.’ But her mother dressed superbly from high end shops. Madison came from money and that had caused grief at school from some of the small-minded sorts. Shame none of those imbeciles had bothered to learn how hard she’d worked during out-of-school hours before mouthing off about her family. ‘But I admit to having an interesting wardrobe back home.’ A fantastic collection of outfits her mother had bought her and which were totally impractical in her day-to-day life. Something to do with getting back out amongst the city folk and finding a new man apparently.
Maddy shuddered. Not happening. This time because she’d learned how fickle love truly was. One glimpse of her scars and Jason had come up with every excuse in the book to bail on their marriage. Sure, he’d taken a few months—long, dark, lonely months—but in the end he’d gone. And he’d supposedly loved her. What she’d never got around to telling him was that her chances of having children had been severely compromised as well. What had been the point? She hadn’t wanted him staying because he’d felt sorry for her.
Focus, Maddy. That’s history.
Continuing to suture the wound in front of her, she stifled a yawn. So much for getting some sleep before her tour got fully under way. Who was she kidding? Her head had been full of Sam Lowe, dust and smoke, Sam, burns, and more Sam. Digging for a bullet had been a welcome reprieve.
Sam was staring at her, lifting goose bumps on her skin and unexpected, unneeded hope in her belly. ‘You okay?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’ She stared right back, her breath hitched somewhere between her lungs and her nostrils. The deeper she looked into that well the harder it was to find the strength to ignore him. The same concern she’d seen in the midst of her meltdown over the smoke blinked at her. Which was plain scary. Could she manage to work alongside him without falling into the trap of wanting him? You don’t already? That’s why she had to keep him at arm’s length. This yearning for Sam was growing, not in great dollops but it was there, moving in under her skin, raising her temperature degree by agonising degree, shaking her need to remain immune to men until cracks were beginning to appear.
Cassy nudged Sam. ‘One bag of cells for your man.’
His gaze appeared to drag across Maddy’s face, a soft caress, as though loth to leave, then he flicked his head sideways to eyeball the nurse. The syringe in his left hand was in danger of snapping as he stepped back from the bed. ‘Get a line in, will you?’
‘No problem.’
Maddy dropped her eyes to her patient, focusing on his wound but unable to push Sam out of her mind. That need he’d brought to her expanded around her determination to ignore it, swamped all ideas of staying immune to him in particular, frightening and exciting her. Forget the excitement. How? Remember the horror in Jason’s eyes the first time he’d seen her burned abdomen. That particular image could always toughen her resolve like nothing else could.
‘How’s the third victim doing?’ she heard Sam ask through the mess in her head.
Cassy answered, ‘Went into cardiac arrest but Jock got him back. You think your man needed blood. Not even close.’
‘We need a volunteer to give a pint?’
Maddy looked up at Sam’s question. ‘I’m O neg, if you need it.’
‘We’re good to go at the moment.’ The nurse slid a needle into Sam’s patient’s arm. ‘Righto, my man, let’s get you hooked up and these little red cells doing their job.’
Madison let the words wash over her. Operating rooms were the same wherever she went, and as close to home as she knew these days. Listening to the banter, suturing a shredded muscle was soothing in an odd kind of way.
Sam had gone quiet. A flick of her eyes showed him working on his patient’s scalp where the man had taken a pounding from an unknown object. His attention was so focused on the job that he had to be trying very hard to ignore something. It wouldn’t be her, surely? Hopefully not. Yet a shaft of disappointment jabbed. Disappointment she refused to delve into. Instead, she hunted for a bland question and came up with, ‘Where are you headed next week, Sam?’
‘Burwood.’
The military base near Christchurch. ‘Really going home, then, huh?’
‘Until the brass find some other place to send me.’
‘When was the last time you spent any time there?’
At first she didn’t think he was going to answer but finally he managed, ‘Ages ago. I haven’t seen Ma and Pa Creighton for far too long.’ Guilt lined his words and filled his eyes.
‘Who are they?’
‘They took me in to live with them when I was fourteen. The kindest folk you’d ever want to know.’
And he hadn’t been to see them for a while. She knew not to ask about that, and for once managed to keep quiet. Not that she stopped wondering what had happened that he’d needed a home back then. Where had his parents been? Had he been a welfare kid? She knew about them as when she’d been young her parents had fostered two boys slightly older than her whom she’d adored and had been devastated when they’d left to return to their families.
Then Sam interrupted her fruitless machinations. ‘Why did you join up?’
‘I was looking for something different to the usual track of building a big, fancy career in a private practice.’ She’d wanted out of her life as it had become. At least until she could face a future without the husband and children she’d always dreamed of.
‘That had been your initial goal?’
‘Yes. Then I had a change of mind.’ A near death experience could do that.
‘Going to tell me why?’
‘No.’ Then she added, before she could overthink it, ‘Not now.’ Explaining about the fire and the ensuing disaster would be hard. But hard didn’t begin to explain the consequences that had followed that terrifying night. ‘I guess eventually I’ll go back to that idea but not yet.’ But would she?
The army had taken her away from home and the hideous memories, from her concerned family with their endless suggestions of how to get back on track. There were awful memories ground so deep she’d never expunge them, but they were slightly easier to ignore when she wasn’t living and working in her home town. Something she owed her sister for. She wouldn’t have chosen the army as a cure if not for Maggie’s suggestion—nagging, more like—that it could be a way to reinvent herself. She’d grabbed that thought and signed up without thinking too hard about what she was letting herself in for. Desperation made people do strange things.
On the plus side, her body was fitter, more muscular and in the best shape it had ever been. Her smart mind was faster, sharper, and yet only now was it dawning on her what she had landed herself in.
So much for being intelligent. Hope I haven’t messed up big time.
Too bad if she had. The only way out of here was by court-martial or in a wooden box. Not options worthy of consideration. Yet she was supposed to be getting over horrors, not facing new ones. By the end of her tour, far from the comfort of home and her well-meaning but over-protective family, she fully intended knowing what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, and the past would be exactly that. The past. That was the plan anyway. Except plans had a way of going off track.
‘I hear uncertainty in that answer.’ No challenge sparked in the eyes now locked on her. Instead curiosity ruled.
Her natural instinct was to pull down the shutters. Habit was a strong taskmaster. Since the fire, she was done with showing anything but the truth, even a watered-down version, so she usually kept quiet. But now she was starting over? Straightening her already straight spine, she said, ‘I haven’t got any long-term plans at the moment. I’m taking everything one day at a time. Or one tour anyway.’ Now she’d said too much.
He nodded, said quietly, ‘You and I have something in common.’
Hideous memories? Pain? Fear? She hoped not. She didn’t wish bad things on him. ‘You aren’t going to be a soldier for ever?’
‘No idea. I had planned on it, but now who knows?’
That sounded lame, but before she could ask Sam to expand on what he’d said Jock appeared in their cramped area.
Sam looked down at his patient. ‘Think we’re about done. You?’
‘The guy didn’t make it.’
Madison’s head flicked back and forth between the two men, then she locked on Sam. ‘This isn’t uncommon, is it?’
‘Losing a patient? No.’ That get-me-anything smile was back in place, but his serious voice didn’t match it. Could be Sam was hiding his own despair at what they dealt with.
Hairs lifted on her neck. ‘Sam?’ His name fell out of her mouth.
‘You’re in a brutal environment now, Madison.’
Phew. He thought she was thinking about the medical work. Better than him knowing the truth. ‘I get that,’ she replied.
He went on. ‘It takes time to get used to the injuries we see here, especially what causes them, but if you don’t you’ll sink.’
‘I’m hardly likely to do that.’ She could feel her muscles tightening. Stop it. New approach, remember? No more getting uptight over everything. Forcing the tension aside, she tried for normal. ‘But thanks for the warning. I’ll be on guard.’
‘You’d better be. For all our sakes.’ His words were sharp, but the smile that accompanied them lessened any suspected blow. It was genuine, not full of I’m-so-cool attitude.
‘You’ll have to trust me on this, Sam.’ Huh? That was a big ask. There wasn’t room for trust in manoeuvres with an unproven soldier. That’s how people died, or so the training officers back home had hammered home.
Sam’s smile faltered, slid away. ‘I will.’ Forceps clanged against the steel of a kidney dish, loud in the sudden silence. ‘But if you find you’re struggling I’m not bad at listening.’
Now, there was an offer she’d have to decline. Talking one on one with Sam with no one else around about personal concerns would be taking things way too far. Shame. It could be good to sit over a coffee and chat about life in general, learn a few snippets about what made him tick. There was a depth to him that drew her in, intrigued her. ‘Strange how real life is way different from those lofty ideas I had at school. Nothing turns out as sweet and easy as it looked then.’
Grief shot through his eyes, darkening them to a dull, wintry day. There was a storm in there, swirling emotions moving too fast to catch. ‘Time we talked about something else, Madison.’ There was no force behind his words, just a low, please-stop-this tone.
‘Fair enough,’ she answered equally quietly, more than happy to oblige. But what sore had she scratched?
‘You caved too easily.’ He stepped away from the bed, rolling his shoulders, pulling up a grin that didn’t fit quite right.
Aha. He definitely hid behind that mouth, those grins. ‘Lack of sleep catching up.’
‘That explains why you’ve also gone quiet,’ Sam gulped around another grin. ‘You sure you’re who I think you are?’
‘Probably not.’ She wasn’t recognising herself at the moment.
He came around the bed to stand directly in front of her. His finger tilted her chin so she had to meet his gaze. The intimacy of the gesture shocked her, but she didn’t want to pull away. Waiting for him to say whatever was on his mind made her nervous. Her jaws locked, while her brain spilled words she struggled not to utter.
His finger slid over her jaw before he removed his hand and stepped back. ‘I like having someone from my time at Christchurch High School turn up here. That was a good place in my life and you’ve brought back memories even if you weren’t involved.’
Her head spun. ‘You haven’t kept in touch with guys from school?’
‘Not really. I couldn’t wait to get out of town at the time, not realising how lucky I was to live there.’
‘So visiting Christchurch doesn’t happen often?’
Sam shook his head at her. ‘Unfortunately not. Life has a tendency to throw curve balls just when I think I’m ready to go back there and maybe look into setting up a practice.’ Those summer-blue eyes quickly darkened back to winter.
‘Well, well. I sure hit the nail on the head earlier.’ Jock stood beside them, looking from her to Sam and back.
‘Can it,’ Sam snapped. His shoulders were back to tight, and straighter than a ruler. His jaw pushed forward, and the winter in his gaze kicked up an ice storm.
‘If you’re done, let’s grab a coffee,’ Jock said as though nothing out of the ordinary had gone down.
The glove Sam was removing tore as he tugged it. ‘Nah. You entertain our new medic. I’ve got things to do.’
Contrition caught Madison. She didn’t know if she’d contributed to upsetting him, but she regretted it if she had. ‘Sam, I don’t understand what’s going on but, whatever it is, I am sorry.’
‘You haven’t put a foot wrong.’ He stared at her, a war going on in his face. ‘The thing is, Madison, I’m at the end of my tour of duty, you’re at the beginning.’ He swallowed hard. ‘So good luck. You’re going to need it.’ He turned and stormed out of the room.
Madison stared after him, regret at his abrupt departure swamping her. ‘What just happened?’
Jock shrugged. ‘Welcome to the Peninsula. It does strange things to the sanest of us at times. Sam will be his usual self by sun-up.’ But his gaze was worried as he stared after his friend.
* * *
Sam did three laps of the perimeter, walking hard and fast. His breathing was rapid, while his body dripped with sweat despite the cooler night air.
‘Damn it, Madison, get out of my head.’ He didn’t want her lurking in there, reminding him of the future he’d once longed for. The future that had held a wife and family, people to shower with love, to protect and give himself to. The future that was no longer his to have.
He looked around, hoped no one had heard his outburst. Only went to show what a state Maddy’s arrival had got him into if he was talking to himself out loud. Might get locked up if the wrong person overheard him. A week in the cells would keep him clear of Madison. Now, that could be a plus.
Why had the arrival of Maddy, someone he’d barely known so long ago, flipped up all the pain and anguish he kept hidden deep within himself?
Stopping his mad charge, he leaned a shoulder against the fence, drawing in deep gulps of sticky air. None of this ranting was helping. This was when he missed his pal the most, missed venting about things that stirred him up.
William had filled a gap in his life in a similar way to how Ma and Pa Creighton had filled in for his mother when she’d died. Sam’s skin tightened. The guilt he’d carried over his friend’s death stymied everything he thought he might do next with his life. Having fun when his friend was beyond it was not possible. Finding happiness with a woman was undeserved and to be avoided at all costs in case he ruined it for her.
Sam shoved away from the fence, began jogging, his shoes slapping the hard soil and raising dust.
Voices and laughter beckoned as he passed the open door of the officers’ canteen where the rest of the crew, including Madison, would be drinking tea and eating cookies to replace the nervous energy they’d expended in Theatre. Operating on victims of gunfire or a bombing made everyone uneasy, reminding them why the army was there. Reminding them all that any one of them could be the next on the operating table. He should be in there, relaxing, cracking jokes, putting the day to bed, not out here, winding himself into a knot of apprehension.
He continued jogging.
Until his heart lurched, forcing his legs to slow then stop. A harsh laugh escaped him. He’d been so busy thinking about Madison he hadn’t seen her in the shadows laid across the ground from the mess building. She shuffled across the parade ground, her arms hanging at her sides, her chin resting on her sternum. Close to lifeless.
‘Hey,’ he whispered softly, almost afraid she’d hear and straighten up, put strength back in her muscles and pretend she was fine. The picture before him was honest, and punched him in the gut. This was a new picture. One thing he did remember was that Maddy had always been energy personified. Not right at this moment, though. Neither had she been earlier when she’d come off that plane.
Oh, Maddy, what has happened to you?
A shaft of pain sliced into him. For her. He didn’t want her suffering, hurting, crying on the inside.
Madison paused her slow progress, glanced around. Had she heard his footfalls on the dirt? Was she aware of him? She took a couple of steps. Guess not. Then she stopped again, leaned back and stared up at the sky where a myriad of stars sparkled. Her hands lifted to her hips as she gazed upwards. The outline of her breasts aiming skyward forced the air out of his lungs.
Beautiful. Even in her overtired state she was the most alluring woman he’d come across, from that attractive short hair right down to the tips of her boots.
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