- -
- 100%
- +
Her dinner was boiling on the stove, and Carol turned down the burner after checking the sweet potatoes with a cooking fork. Glaring at the orange-colored root, she heaved a huge sigh and squelched her growing dislike for the vegetable. After she became pregnant, she swore she would never eat another sweet potato for as long as she lived. A recent news report stated that the starchy vegetable helped increase the level of estrogen in a woman’s body. Armed with that information, Carol had been eating sweet potatoes every day for the last two weeks. There had to be enough of the hormone floating around in her body by now to produce triplets.
Noting the potatoes were soft, she drained the water and dumped the steaming roots into her blender. A smile crowded the edges of her mouth. Eating sweet potatoes was a small price to pay for a beautiful baby … for Steve’s baby.
* * *
“Have you called Carol back yet?” Lindy Callaghan demanded of her brother as she walked into the small kitchen of the two-bedroom apartment she shared with her husband and Steve.
Steve Kyle ignored her until she pulled out the chair and plopped down across the table from him. “No,” he admitted flatly. He could see no reason to hurry. He already knew what Carol was going to tell him. He’d known it from the minute they’d walked out of the King County Courthouse, the divorce papers clenched in her hot little hands. She was remarrying. Well, more power to her, but he wasn’t going to sit back and blithely let her rub his nose in the fact.
“Steve,” Lindy insisted, her face tight with impatience. “It could be something important.”
“You told me it wasn’t.”
“Sure, that’s what Carol said, but … oh, I don’t know, I have the feeling that it really must be. It isn’t going to do any harm to call her back.”
Methodically Steve turned the page of the evening newspaper and carefully creased the edge before folding it in half and setting it aside. Lindy and Rush, her husband, couldn’t be expected to understand his reluctance to phone his ex-wife. He hadn’t told either of them the details that had led to his and Carol’s divorce. He preferred to keep all thoughts of the disastrous relationship out of his mind. There were plenty of things he could have forgiven, but not what Carol had done—not infidelity.
As a Lieutenant Commander aboard the submarine USS Atlantis, Steve was at sea for as long as six months out of a year. From the first Carol hadn’t seemed to mind sending him off on a three-to-four month cruise. She even used to joke about it, telling him all the projects she planned to complete when he was at sea, and how pleased she was that he would be out of her hair for a while. When he’d returned she’d always seemed happy that he was home, but not exuberant. If anything had gone wrong in his absence—a broken water pipe, car repairs, anything—she’d seen to it herself with barely more than a casual mention.
Steve had been so much in love with her that the little things hadn’t added up until later— much later. He’d deceived himself by overlooking the obvious. The physical craving they had for each other had diluted his doubts. Making love with Carol had been so hot it was like a nuclear meltdown. Toward the end she’d been eager for him, but not quite as enthusiastic as in the past. He’d been trusting, blind and incredibly stupid when it came to his ex-wife.
Then by accident he’d learned why she’d become so blasé about his comings and goings. When he left their bed, his loveless, faithless wife had a built-in replacement—her employer, Todd Larson.
It was just short of amazing that Steve hadn’t figured it out earlier, and yet when he thought about it, he could almost calculate to the day when she’d started her little affair.
“Steve?”
Lindy’s voice cut into his musings, and he lifted his gaze to meet hers. Her eyes were round and dark with concern. Steve experienced a small twinge of guilt for the way he’d reacted to his sister and Rush’s marriage. When he’d learned his best friend had married his only sister after a dating period of a mere two weeks, Steve had been furious. He’d made no bones about telling them both the way he felt about their hurry-up wedding. Now he realized his own bitter experience had tainted his reasoning, and he’d long since apologized. It was obvious they were crazy about each other, and Steve had allowed his own misery to bleed into his reaction to their news.
“Okay, okay. I’ll return Carol’s call,” he answered in an effort to appease his younger sibling. He understood all too well how much Lindy wanted him to settle matters with Carol. Lindy was happy, truly happy, and it dismayed her that his life should be at such loose ends.
“When?”
“Soon,” Steve promised.
The front door opened, and Rush let himself into the apartment; his arms were loaded with Christmas packages. He paused just inside the kitchen and exchanged a sensual look with his wife. Steve watched the heated gaze and it was like throwing burning acid on his half-healed wounds. He waited a moment for the pain to lessen.
“How’d the shopping go?” Lindy asked, her silky smooth voice eager and filled with pleasure at the sight of her husband.
“Good,” Rush answered and faked a yawn, “but I’m afraid it wore me out.”
Steve playfully rolled his eyes toward the ceiling and stood, preparing to leave the apartment. “Don’t tell me you two are going to take another nap!”
Lindy’s cheeks filled with crimson color and she looked away. In the past few days the two of them had taken more naps than a newborn babe. Even Rush looked a bit chagrined.
“All right, you two,” Steve said good-naturedly, reaching for his leather jacket. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
One glance from Lindy told him she was grateful. Rush stopped Steve on his way out the door and his eyes revealed his appreciation. “We’ve decided to look for a place of our own right away, but it doesn’t look like we’ll be able to move until after the first of the year.” He paused and lowered his gaze, looking almost embarrassed. “I know this is an inconvenience for you to keep leaving, but …”
“Don’t worry about it,” Steve countered with a light chuckle. He patted his friend on the back. “I was a newlywed once myself.”
Steve tried to sound casual about the whole matter, but doubted if he’d succeeded. Being constantly exposed to the strong current of love flowing between his friend and his sister was damn difficult, because he understood their need for each other all too well. There’d been a time when a mere look was all that was required to spark flames between him and Carol. Their desire seemed to catch fire and leap to brilliance with a single touch, and they couldn’t get to bed fast enough. Steve had been crazy in love with her. Carol had appealed to all his senses and he’d ached with the desire to possess her completely. The only time he felt he’d accomplished that was when he was making love to her. Then and only then was Carol utterly his. And those times were all too brief.
Outside the apartment, the sky was dark with thick gray clouds. Steve walked across the street and headed toward the department stores. He didn’t have much Christmas shopping to do, but now appeared to be as good a time for the task as any.
He hesitated in front of a pay phone and released a long, slow breath. He might as well call Carol and be done with it. She wanted to gloat, and he would let her. After all, it was the season to be charitable.
* * *
The phone rang just as Carol was coming in the front door. She stopped, set her purse on the kitchen counter and glared at the telephone. Her heart rammed against her rib cage with such force that she had to stop and gather her thoughts. It was Steve. The phone might as well have been spelling out his name in Morse code, she was that sure.
“Hello?” she answered brightly, on the third ring.
“Lindy said you phoned.” His words were low, flat and emotionless.
“Yes, I did,” she murmured, her nerves clamoring.
“Do you want to tell me why, or are you going to make me guess? Trust me, Carol, I’m in no mood to play twenty questions with you.”
Oh Lord, this wasn’t going to be easy. Steve sounded so cold and uncaring. She’d anticipated it, but it didn’t lessen the effect his tone had on her. “I … I thought we could talk.”
A short, heavy silence followed.
“I’m listening.”
“I’d rather we didn’t do it over the phone, Steve,” she said softly, but not because she’d planned to make her voice silky and smooth. Her vocal chords had tightened and it just came out sounding that way. Her nerves were stretched to their limit, and her heart was pounding in her ear like a charging locomotive.
“Okay,” he answered, reluctance evident in every syllable.
“When?” Her gaze scanned the calendar—the timing of this entire venture was of primary importance.
“Tomorrow?” he suggested.
Carol’s eyes drifted shut as the relief worked its way through her stiff limbs. Her biggest concern was that he would suggest after the Christmas holidays, and then it would be too late and she would have to reschedule everything for January.
“That would be fine,” Carol managed. “Would you mind coming to the house?” The two bedroom brick rambler had been awarded to her as part of the divorce settlement.
Again she could feel his hesitation. “As a matter of fact, I would.”
“All right,” she answered, quickly gathering her wits. His not wanting to come to the house shouldn’t have surprised her. “How about coffee at Denny’s tomorrow evening?”
“Seven?”
Carol swallowed before answering. “Fine. I’ll see you then.”
Her hand was still trembling a moment later when she replaced the telephone receiver in its cradle. All along she’d accepted that Steve wasn’t going to fall into her bed without some subtle prompting, but from the brusque, impatient sound of his voice, the whole escapade could well be impossible … this month. That bothered her. The one pivotal point in her plan was that everything come together quickly. One blazing night of passion could easily be dismissed and forgotten. But if she were to continue to invite him back one night a month, several months running, then he just might catch on to what she was doing.
Still, when it had come to interpreting her actions in the past, Steve had shown a shocking lack of insight. Thankfully their troubles had never intruded in the bedroom. Their marriage relationship had been a jumbled mess of doubts and misunderstandings, accusations and regrets, but their love life had always been vigorous and lusty right up until the divorce, astonishing as it seemed now.
* * *
At precisely seven the following evening, Carol walked into Denny’s Restaurant on Seattle’s Capitol Hill. The first year she and Steve had been married, they’d had dinner there once a month. Money had been tight because they’d been saving for a down payment on the house, and an evening out, even if it was only Saturday night at Denny’s, had been a real treat.
Two steps into the restaurant Carol spotted her former husband sitting in a booth by the window. She paused and experienced such a wealth of emotion that advancing even one step more would have been impossible. Steve had no right to look this good—far better than she remembered. In the thirteen months since she’d last seen him, he’d changed considerably. Matured. His features were sharper, clearer, more intense. His lean good looks were all the more prominent, his handsome masculine features vigorous and tanned even in December. A few strands of gray hair streaked his temple, adding a distinguished air.
His gaze caught hers and Carol sucked in a deep, calming breath, her steps nearly faltering as she advanced toward him. His eyes had changed the most, she decided. Where once they had been warm and caressing, now they were cool and calculating. They narrowed on her, his mistrust shining through as bright as any beacon.
Carol experienced a moment of panic as his gaze seemed to strip away the last shreds of her pride. It took all her willpower to force a smile to her lips.
“Thank you for coming,” she said, and slipped into the red upholstered seat across from him.
The waitress came with a glass coffeepot, and Carol turned over her cup, which the woman promptly filled after placing menus on the table.
“It feels cold enough to snow,” Carol said as a means of starting conversation. It was eerie that she could have been married to Steve all those years and feel as if he were little more than a stranger. He gave her that impression now. This hard, impassive man was one she didn’t know nearly as well as the one who had once been her lover, her friend and her husband.
“You’re looking fit,” Steve said after a moment, a spark of admiration glinting in his gaze.
“Thank you.” A weak smile hovered over her lips. “You, too. How’s the Navy treating you?”
“Good.”
“Are you still on the Atlantis?”
He nodded shortly.
Silence.
Carol groped for something more to say. “It was a surprise to discover that Lindy’s living in Seattle.”
“Did she tell you she married Rush?”
Carol noted the way his brows drew together and darkened his face momentarily when he mentioned the fact. “I didn’t realize Lindy even knew Rush,” Carol said, and took a sip of the coffee.
“They were married two weeks after they met. Lord, I can’t believe it yet.”
“Two weeks? That doesn’t sound anything like Rush. I remember him as being so methodical about everything.”
Steve’s frown relaxed, but only a little. “Apparently they fell in love.”
Carol knew Steve well enough to recognize the hint of sarcasm in his voice, as if he were telling her what a mockery that emotion was. In their instance it had certainly been wasted. Sadly wasted.
“Are they happy?” That was the important thing as far as Carol was concerned.
“They went through a rough period a while back, but since the Mitchell docked they seem to have mended their fences.”
Carol dropped her gaze to her cup as reality cut sharply into her heart. “That’s more than we did.”
“As you recall,” he said harshly, under his breath, “there wasn’t any fence left to repair. The night you started sleeping with Todd Larson, you destroyed our marriage.”
Carol didn’t rise to the challenge, although Steve had all but slapped her face with it. There was nothing she could say to exonerate herself, and she’d given up explaining the facts to him more than a year ago. Steve chose to believe what he wanted. She’d tried, God knew, to set the record straight. Todd had been her employer and her friend, but never anything more. Carol had pleaded with Steve until she was blue with exasperation, but it hadn’t done her any good. Rehashing the same argument now wasn’t going to help either of them.
Silence stretched between them and was broken by the waitress who had returned to their booth, pad and pen in hand. “Have you decided?”
Carol hadn’t even glanced at the menu. “Do you have sweet-potato pie?”
“No, but pecan is the special this month.”
Carol shook her head, ignoring the strange look Steve was giving her. “Just coffee then.”
“Same here,” Steve added.
The woman replenished both their cups and left.
“So how is good ol’ Todd?”
His question lacked any real interest, and Carol had already decided her former boss was a subject they’d best avoid. “Fine,” she lied. She had no idea how Todd was doing, since she hadn’t worked for Larson Sporting Goods for over a year. She’d been offered a better job with Boeing and had been employed at the airplane company since before the divorce was final.
“I’m glad to hear it,” Steve said with a soft snicker. “I suppose you called this little meeting to tell me the two of you are finally going to be married.”
“No. Steve, please, I didn’t call to talk about Todd.”
He arched his brows in mock consternation. “I’m surprised. What’s the matter, is wife number one still giving him problems? You mean to tell me their divorce hasn’t gone through?”
A shattering feeling of hopelessness nearly choked Carol, and she struggled to meet his gaze without flinching. Steve was still so bitter, so intent on making her suffer.
“I really would prefer it if we didn’t discuss Todd or Joyce.”
“Fine. What do you want to talk about?” He checked his watch as if to announce he had plenty of other things he could be doing and didn’t want to waste precious time with her.
Carol had carefully planned everything she was going to say. Each sentence had been rehearsed several times over in her mind, and now it seemed so trite and ridiculous, she couldn’t manage a single word.
“Well?” he demanded. “Since you don’t want to rub my nose in the fact that you’re marrying Todd, what could you possibly have to tell me?”
Carol gestured with her hand, her fingers trembling. “It’s Christmastime,” she murmured.
“Congratulations, you’ve glanced at a calendar lately.” He looked straight through her with eyes as hard as diamond bits.
“I thought … well, you know, that we could put our differences aside for a little while and at least be civil to each other.”
His eyes narrowed. “What possible reason could there be for us to have anything to do with each other? You mean nothing to me, and I’m sure the feeling is mutual.”
“You were my husband for five years.”
“So?”
She rearranged the silverware several times, choosing not to look at Steve. He wore his anger like a tight pair of shoes and sitting across from him was almost too painful to bear.
“We loved each other once,” she said after a drawn-out, strained moment.
“I loved my dog once, too,” he came back. One corner of his mouth was pulled down, and his eyes had thinned to narrow slits. “What does having cared about each other have to do with anything now?”
Carol couldn’t answer his question. She knew the divorce had made him bitter, but she’d counted on this long time apart to have healed some of his animosity.
“What did you do for the holidays last year?” she asked, refusing to argue with him. She wasn’t going to allow him to rile her into losing her temper. He’d played that trick once too often, and she was wise to his game.
“What the hell difference does it make to you how I spent Christmas?”
This wasn’t going well, Carol decided—not the least bit as she’d planned. Steve seemed to think she wanted him to admit he’d been miserable without her.
“I … I spent the day alone,” she told him softly, reluctantly. Their divorce had been final three weeks before the holiday and Carol’s emotions had been so raw she’d hardly been able to deal with the usual festivities connected with the holiday.
“I wasn’t alone,” Steve answered with a cocky half smile that suggested that whoever he was with had been pleasant company, and he hadn’t missed her in the least.
Carol didn’t know how anyone could look so damned insolent and sensuous at the same moment. It required effort to keep her chin up and meet his gaze, but she managed.
“So you were alone,” he added. The news appeared to delight him. “That’s what happens when you mess around with a married man, my dear. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Todd’s wife and family will always come first. That’s the other woman’s sad lot in life.”
Carol went still all over. She felt as though her entire body had turned to stone. She didn’t breathe, didn’t move, didn’t so much as blink. The pain spread out in waves, circling first her throat and then her chest, working its way down to her abdomen, cinching her stomach so tightly that she thought she might be sick. The whole room seemed to fade away and the only thing she was sure about was that she had to get out of the restaurant. Fast.
Her fingers fumbled with the snap of her purse as she opened her wallet. Her hands weren’t any more steady as she placed several coins by the coffee cup and scooted out of her seat.
* * *
Mutely Steve watched Carol walk out of the restaurant and called himself every foul name that he could come up with from his extensive Navy vocabulary. He hadn’t meant to say those things. Hadn’t intended to lash out at her. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself.
He’d lied, too, in an effort to salvage his pride. Lied rather than give her the satisfaction of knowing he’d spent last Christmas Day miserable and alone. It had been the worst holiday of his life. The pain of the divorce had still ached like a lanced boil, while everyone around him had been celebrating and exchanging gifts, their happiness like a ball and chain shackling his heart. This year didn’t hold much prospect for happiness, either. Lindy and Rush would prefer to spend the day alone, although they’d gone out of their way to convince him otherwise. But Steve wasn’t stupid and had already made other plans. He’d volunteered for watch Christmas Day so that a fellow officer could spend time with his family.
Gathering his thoughts about Carol, Steve experienced a healthy dose of regret about the way he’d behaved toward his ex-wife.
She’d looked good, he admitted reluctantly—better than he’d wanted her to look for his own peace of mind. From the moment they’d met, he’d felt the vibrant energy that radiated from her. Thirteen months apart hadn’t diminished that. He’d known the minute she walked into Denny’s; he’d felt her presence the instant the door opened. She wore her thick blond hair shorter than he remembered so that it fell forward and hugged the sides of her face, the ends curling under slightly, giving her a Dutch-boy look. As always, her metallic blue eyes were magnetic, irrevocably drawing his gaze. She looked small and fragile, and the desire to protect and love her had come at him with all the force of a wrecking ball slamming against his chest. He knew differently, but it hadn’t seemed to change the way he felt—Carol needed him about as much as the Navy needed more salt water.
Sliding out of the booth, Steve laid a bill on the table and left. Outside, the north wind sent a chill racing up his arms and he buried his hands into his pants pockets as he headed toward the parking lot.
Surprise halted his progress when he spied Carol leaning against the fender of her car. Her shoulders were slumped, her head hanging as though she were burdened by a terrible weight.
Once more Steve was swamped with regret. He had never learned the reason she’d phoned. He started walking toward her, not knowing what he intended to say or do.
She didn’t glance up when he joined her.
“You never said why you phoned,” he said in a wounded voice after a moment of silence.
“It isn’t important … I told Lindy that.”
“If it wasn’t to let me know you’re remarrying, then it’s because you want something.”
She looked up and tried to smile, and the feeble effort cut straight through Steve’s resolve to forget he’d ever known or loved her. It was useless to try.
“I don’t think it’ll work,” Carol said sadly.
“What?”
She shook her head.
“If you need something, just ask!” he shouted, using his anger as a defense mechanism. Carol had seldom wanted anything from him. It must be important for her to contact him now, especially after their divorce.
“Christmas Day,” she whispered brokenly. “I don’t want to spend it alone.”
Two
Until Carol spoke, she hadn’t known how much she wanted Steve to spend Christmas Day with her—and not for the reasons she’d been plotting. She sincerely missed Steve. He’d been both lover and friend, and now he was neither; the sense of loss was nearly overwhelming.
He continued to stare at her, and regret worked its way across his features. The success of her plan hinged on his response and she waited, almost afraid to breathe, for his answer.
“Carol, listen …” He paused and ran his hand along the back of his neck, his brow puckered with a condensed frown.
Carol knew him well enough to realize he was carefully composing his thoughts. She was also aware that he was going to refuse her! She knew it as clearly as if he’d spoken the words aloud. She swallowed the hurt, although she couldn’t keep her eyes from widening with pain. When Steve had presented her with the divorce papers, Carol had promised herself she would never give him the power to hurt her again. Yet here she was, handing him the knife and exposing her soul.